Bastard

Bastard (pronounced bas-terd, br-sted, or bar-stad)

(1) A person born of unmarried parents; an illegitimate child (technically gender-neutral but historically applied almost exclusively to males).  Use is now mostly in a historic context.

(2) In slang as a term of disparagement, a vicious, despicable, or thoroughly disliked person.

(3) In slang, an expression of sympathy for a man who has suffered in some way (unlucky bastard, poor bastard etc).

(4) In slang, an expression used of someone who has been fortunate (lucky bastard).

(5) In jocular slang, a term of endearment (chiefly Australia & New Zealand).

(6) Something fake, phony, irregular, inferior, spurious, or unusual; of abnormal or irregular shape; of unusual make or proportions (now rare).

(7) In engineering, politics, architecture etc, something which is a mixture of inputs as opposed to pure versions.

(8) In metalworking & woodworking, a type of file.

(9) In informal use an extremely difficult or unpleasant job or task.

(10) In animal breeding, a mongrel (biological cross between different breeds, groups or varieties) (now rare).

(11) A sword midway in length between a short-sword and a long sword.

(12) In sugar refining, (1) an inferior quality of soft brown sugar, obtained from syrups that have been boiled several times or (2) a large mold for straining sugar.

(13) A very sweet fortified wine, often with spices added.

(14) In commercial printing, paper not of a standard size.

(15) In theatre lighting, one predominant color blended with small amounts of complementary color; used to replicate natural light because of their warmer appearance.

(16) In theology, a heretic or sinner; one separated from one's deity (archaic).

(17) In biology, a botanical tendril or offshoot (rare and used only in the technical literature).

(18) In linguistics, any change or neologism in language that is viewed as a degradation.

1250–1300: From the Middle English bastarde, basterd & bastart, from the Anglo-Norman bastard (illegitimate child), from the eleventh century Medieval Latin bastardus of unknown origin but perhaps from the Germanic (Ingvaeonic) bāst- (related to the Middle Dutch bast (lust, heat)), a presumed variant of bōst- (marriage) + the derogatory Old French –ard (the pejorative agent noun suffix), taken as signifying the offspring of a polygynous marriage to a woman of lower status (ie the acknowledged child of a nobleman by a woman other than his wife), a pagan Germanic custom not sanctioned by the Christian church.  The Old Frisian boask, boaste & bost (marriage) was from the proto-Germanic bandstu- & banstuz (bond, tie), a noun derivative of the Indo-European bhendh (to tie, bind).  It was cognate with the French bâtard (bastard), the West Frisian bastert (bastard), the Dutch bastaard (bastard), the German Bastard (bastard) and the Icelandic bastarður (bastard).  Etymologists caution that charming as it is, the traditional explanation of Old French bastard as derivative of fils de bast (literally “child of a packsaddle”, the source of this the idea of a child conceived on an improvised bed (medieval saddles often doubled as beds while traveling)) is dubious on chronological and geographical grounds.  The Medieval Latin Bastum (packsaddle) is of uncertain origin.

One etymologist noted that while the origin of bantling (a young child known or believed to be "a bastard") was uncertain, it could be from the German Bänkling (bastard-child) which was from the Luxembourgish Bänk, from the Middle High German and Old High German bank, from the Proto-West Germanic banki, from Proto-Germanic bankiz (and cognate with the German Bank, Dutch bank, English bench, Swedish bänk and Icelandic bekkur.  The alleged link with bastard offspring is that conception took place on "a bank" rather than in a bed where responsible & respectable folk did such things.  In music, a song titled Lindsay Lohan List was released by an artist named That Trending Bastard.  The noun bastarditis is pseudo-Latin used (usually in an offensive or derogatory way) to suggest some tendency to act like a bastard; the formation of the word hints the behavior may be due to disease or affliction (the -itas suffix was from the Proto-Italic -itāts & -otāts (-tās added to i-stems or o-stems, later used freely) and ultimately from the primitive Indo-European -tehats.  There are literally dozens of uses of "bastard" as a modifier and it has been applied to plants animals and devices but it has also proved one of English's more productive nouns:  Bastard is a noun, verb & adjective, bastardliness, bastardizatio, bastardness, bastardy, bastardship, bastardism, bastardhood & bastardling are nouns, abastard, abastardized, abastardizing, bastardise & bastardised are verbs, bastardish, bastardous, bastardly, bastardless & bastardlike are adjectives and bastardly is an adjective & adverb; the noun plural is bastards.

US film star James Dean (1931–1955) with 1955 Porsche 550 Spyder (chassis 550-0055) shortly before his death.

The 1955 Ford Country Squire with tandam-axle trailer (behind Little Bastard) was the the team’s tow vehicle while the Cadillac to the right was a 1953 model.  Beyond both having four wheels and running on gas (petrol), one of the few things the Cadillac had in common with the Porsche was the availability of a manual transmission (Porsche at the time offered no self-shifting choice).  The black Cadillac was probably fitted with the company's four-speed Hydra-Matic automatic transmission although, after a fire destroyed the factory, almost 30,000 were in 1953 equipped with Buick's famously smooth but inefficient two-speed Dynaflow.  After the end of production of the 1953 Series 75, almost three decades would pass before Cadillac again offered a model with a manual transmission although that didn't end well (among the Cadillac crowd the Cimarron (1982-1988) is never spoken of except in the phrase "the unpleasantness of 1982") but in a much more convincing way the option returned to the list in 2004 and by 2013, while one could buy a Cadillac with a clutch pedal, one could not buy such a Ferrari.  For most of the second half of the twentieth century, few would have thought that anything but improbable or unthinkable.

The Little Bastard being serviced.

James Dean was pronounced dead on 30 September, 1955, shortly after crashing the Porsche 550 Spyder he'd bought for use as a race car.  Like the prototype Porsche 356/1 of 1948 the 550 was mid rather than rear-engined as all Porsches had to that point been and while an ideal configuration for racing, it did possess quirks which meant it was best handled by experts.  It was never envisaged as a road car and had few of the then rudimentary safety features which were beginning to appear in series production models.  Dean clearly was a gifted driver and had enjoyed some success but since his death, a minor industry has existed to create or perpetuate myths about the Porsche and it's not certain why the Little Bastard nickname was bestowed (the stories differ) thought it may not be related to the car's handling characteristics.  What is agreed is the name was painted in black script on the 550's tail by Dean Jeffries (1933–2013) who divided his time between stunt work for film production and customizing cars.

The crash aftermath.

The crash happened on SR (South Route) 466 (now SR 46) near Cholame, California, en route to October’s upcoming Salinas Road Races and Mr Dean was driving to familiarize himself with the machine.  In the dimming light of the late afternoon, the Porsche collided with the passenger-side of a 1950 Ford Tudor (two-door sedan) which had just entered the highway, driven by California Polytechnic State University student Donald Turnupseed (1932-1995).  Mr Turnupseed (later cleared by authorities of any blame) suffered only minor injuries while Mr Dean, less than an hour later, was pronounced DoA (dead on arrival) at hospital.  The wreck of Little Bastard was sold and parts were used in other race cars and although the legend of the Little Bastard curse remains entrenched in US urban mythology, the extent of its links to other racing accidents seems overstated and although there was certainly one confirmed death, more then than today, motorsport was a dangerous business and in some seasons it wasn't unknown for drivers to attend a couple of funerals. 

Little Bastard's salvaged transaxle in display frame mounted on wheels.

There is a corner of the collector market which focuses on the trade in macabre items and while a big event like the sinking of RMS Titanic on her maiden voyage in 1912 has provided a wealth of memorabilia (watches, menus, crockery, flatware etc), the death toll need not be in the dozens for collectors to be drawn to relics associated with tragedy; one celebrity can be enough.  In 2021, the four-speed transaxle from film star James Dean’s 1955 Porsche 550 Spyder (550-0055) sold in an on-line auction for US$382,000.  Again, based on the serial number (10 046) & part number (113 301 102), factory verified the authenticity and of the auction lot and it was only the transaxle which had been salvaged from the wreck, the display stand and peripheral bits & pieces (axles, axle tubes, brake assemblies etc) all fabricated.

The bastard son of a hundred maniacs: Mr Krueger with glove.

Freddy Krueger, the fictional antagonist of the A Nightmare on Elm Street horror film franchise (first seen in A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) was best known for his gloved hand with "built-in" blades.  In the third and best of the series (A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors), Mr Kruger's origin was revealed as the son of a nurse in a lunatic asylum who, because of a filing error or some other oversight, was for a long weekend locked in a ward with hundreds of the worst of the criminally insane, the consequences predictable.  Thus was Mr Kruger known as "the bastard son of a hundred maniacs".

In pre-modern Europe, being born to unmarried parents was not always regarded as a stigma although the Church in canon law prohibited bastards from holding clerical office without an explicit papal indult.  Royalty and the aristocracy, famously prolific in the production of bastards, seemed often unconcerned, Norman duke William, the Conqueror of England, is referred to in state documents as "William the Bastard" and one Burgundian prince was even officially styled “Great Bastard of Burgundy”.  From this, came the idea of something bastardized being associated with the creation of an inferior copy or version of something, hence the sense of corruption, degradation or debasement, hence the association with words like counterfeit, fake, imperfect, irregular, mongrel, phony, sham, adulterated, baseborn, false, impure, misbegotten, mixed & spurious, the adjectival form common by the late fourteenth century.  However, the word eventually became used to describe things deliberately designed to be variations of something, typically between two established types.  Thus emerged bastard agrimony, the bastard alkanet, bastard bar, bastard hartebeest, bastard file, bastard hemp, bastard hogberry, bastard pennyroyal, bastard pimpernel, bastard quiver tree, bastard tallow-wood, bastard tamarind, bastard teak, bastard musket, bastard culverin, bastard gemsbok, bastard mahogany, bastard toadflax, bastard trumpeter, bastard cut, bastard eigne & bastard amber.

All Men are Bastards diary, 1995.

Variations of the word existed in many languages including the Scots bastart & bastert, the French bâtard, the Old French bastardus, the Galician bastardo, the Middle Dutch bastaert, the Dutch bastaard, the Italian bastardo, the Late Latin bastardus, the Indonesian bastar, the Saramaccan bása, the Sranan Tongo basra, the Middle English bastard, bastarde, basterd & bastart.  Use as a generic vulgar term of abuse for a man appears to date from circa 1830 although presumably it may have be slanderously applied in the past.  The early fourteenth century noun bastardy (condition of illegitimacy) was from the Anglo-French and Old French bastardie and appears from the 1570s in contemporary documents in the sense of "begetting of bastards, fornication".  The early seventeenth century verb bastardize meant "to identify as a bastard", predated by the figurative sense, "to make degenerate, debase" which dates from the 1580s, probably because bastard since the 1540s had also served as a verb meaning "to declare illegitimate".  The later use of bastardize, bastardized, bastardizing & bastardization to mean “rituals and activities involving harassment, abuse or humiliation as a way of initiating a person into a group or organization” was associated with the military, crime gangs and university fraternities, (ie structures where the membership is predominately made up of males aged 17-25.  The terms hazing, initiation, ragging & deposition were synonymous and all began as regionally-specific but soon tended towards the internationalism which marks modern English.  The once useful phrase “political bastardry” is still seen but is now rare, a victim of association; as children born out of wedlock are now no longer described as bastards, the word is also being banished from some other contexts, including political discourse which is also losing many gender-loaded expressions.

One of the opening sequences used for Alexei Sayle's Stuff, a comedy sketch show that, over 18 episodes, was shown on BBC2 for three seasons (1988-1991).  Alexi Sayle (b 1952) was a left-wing comedian and one of the show's signature lines was "Who is that fat bastard?"

Notable bastards include Confucius (circa 551-479 BC), William the Conqueror (circa 1028-1087), Leonardo da Vinci (1452-1519), Thomas Paine (1737-1809), Lawrence of Arabia (1888-1935), Eva Peron (1919-1952), Fidel Castro (1926-2016) & Marilyn Monroe (1926–1962).  There was once some sensitivity to any admission of the status and as late as 1971, in The Gorton Experiment (a study of the prime ministership of Sir John Gorton (1911-2002; prime-minister of Australia 1968-1971)), the journalist Alan Reid (1914-1987) mentioned his subject was "A bastard by birth" but added the footnote: "Normally, I would ignore as irrelevant the circumstances of Gorton’s birth, but Alan Trengrove [1929-2016] in a biography of Gorton, written with Gorton’s full cooperation, recorded the facts until then unknown even to Gorton intimates."  He noted also: "Trengrove suggests that the mature Gorton can be understood fully only in the light of Gorton’s childhood 'insecurity' which was the product of his illegitimacy."  Journalists still find it hard to resist acting as amateur psychologists. 

The bastard file.

A bastard file is a half-round file.  It gained the name from being rendered with an intermediate cut, neither very coarse nor very fine and was thus neither one thing nor the other; it was something impure.  The concept of things in engineering, architecture, literature etc being thought bastardized versions if in any way hybrids or deviations from established forms can apply also to proper nouns.  Bob Cunis (1941-2008) was a New Zealand cricketer described as a “medium pace bowler”.  That may have been generous though he also extracted little movement from the ball without ever being classed a a spinner.  Still, between 1964-1972 he played in 20 test matches and coached the national side for three seasons in the late 1980s.  His contribution to the list of linguistic amusements came when BBC Radio commentator John Arlott (1914-1991), unimpressed by the bowler’s pedestrian deliveries commented: “Cunis, a funny sort of name, like his bowling, neither one thing nor the other."  It passed into the sporting annals but may have be plagiarized, apparently appearing in an earlier newspaper report on a match the tourists played against a county side and Winston Churchill (1875-1965; UK prime-minister 1940-1945 & 1951-1955) had sometime before 1952 used the line after learning the name of a MP (member of parliament) was Alfred Bossom (1881–1965).

Nipple

Nipple (pronounced nip-uhl)

(1) In anatomy, the small, conical projection near the center of the areola of each mammary gland (breast); also called mamilla, papilla or teat.  In females, the nipple contains the outlets of the milk ducts.

(2) Something resembling (often in scaled-up form) a female’s nipple, as the mouthpiece of a nursing bottle or pacifier (in some places an informal word for a pacifier).

(3) Any device resembling a nipple in shape or function.

(4) A mechanical device through which liquids or gases can be passed in a regulated manner; as grease nipple a small drilled bush, usually screwed into a bearing (or other component needing periodic replenishment of a greasing agent) through which grease is introduced.

(5) In plumbing & gas-fitting, a short piece of pipe with threads on each end, used for joining valves.

(6) Any small physical protrusion on an automotive or machine part or any other part that fits into a groove on another part (now rare).

(7) In computer (hardware) slang, the pointing device in the centre of the keyboard of certain laptops, partially fulfilling the functionality of a mouse, trackball or track-pad (although some (male) users insist it is called “the clit”).

(8) In pre-modern ballistics, a perforated segment that fits into part of the breech of a muzzle-loading gun, on which the percussion cap is fixed.

(9) In the design of bicycles, an internally threaded piece which holds a bicycle spoke in place on the rim.

(10) To fit (a baby's bottle etc) with a nipple (archaic).

(11) To give one's nipple to (a baby) to allow breastfeeding (archaic).

1520–1530: From the Middle English nipple, from the earlier neble, nibble, nible & nepil (all of which may be derived from nib & neb (tip; point).  The Old English nypel (elephant’s trunk) was formed analogously as “a protuberance from one's neb”.  The late twelfth century pap & pappe (nipple of a woman's breast) was first attested in Northern and Midlands writing, probably from a Scandinavian source (there’s no record in the Old Norse but there was the dialectal Swedish pappe), from the primitive Indo-European imitative root pap- (to swell), the source also of the Latin papilla (nipple) which may have influenced the English papula (a swelling, pimple) and the Lithuanian papas (nipple).  The spellings neple, nypil, nyppell, neapel, neaple, neble and all obsolete.  Nipple is a noun & verb, nippling is a verb and nippleless & nippled are adjectives; the noun plural is nipples.

One extinct verb which, perhaps surprisingly, wasn’t revived even after it became apparent trends of use on the internet suggested it might be helpful, was expapillate (bare the breasts to the nipples), identified by the outstandingly good Online Etymology Dictionary as an entry in an early English "dictionary", published in eleven editions between 1623 and the 1650s.  The book was neither a prescriptive or descriptive work encompassing the whole language but was described as “An Interpreter of Hard English Words”, an approach others later took including Wilfred Funk (1883–1965) in his Word Origins and Their Romantic Stories (1950), the idea being to focus on the less known or more obscure.  The construct of expapillate was ex- + papillate.  The ex- prefix was from the Middle English, from words borrowed from the Middle French, from the Latin ex (out of, from), from the primitive Indo-European eǵ- & eǵs- (out).  It was cognate with the Ancient Greek ἐξ (ex) (out of, from), the Transalpine Gaulish ex- (out), the Old Irish ess- (out), the Old Church Slavonic изъ (izŭ) (out) & the Russian из (iz) (from, out of).  The “x” in “ex-“, sometimes is elided before certain constants, reduced to e- (eg ejaculate).  The Latin papillate was the vocative masculine singular of papillātus (having nipples or buds; shaped like a nipple or bud) and was used in English as a transitive verb (to cover with papillae) and intransitive verb (to take the form of a papilla, or of papillae).

Volkswagen Type 2 “splitties”: Early “flasher-free” version (1950-1960) which used semaphore signals (trafficators) (left), one from the 1955-1963 with “bullets” or “nipples” (centre) and a late-build one with “waffles” or “fisheyes”.   

The Volkswagen Type 2 (sometimes referred to generically as “Microbus” or “Kombi” although those were specific variants) played a role in post-war culture on both sides of the Atlantic and the most desirable of the classic, early “split screen” (1950–1967 (and built in Brazil 1953–1975)) models such as the 21 & 23 window “Sambas” have become a cult and in the bubble market which inflated in the immediate post-pandemic period, some restored examples sold at auction for over US$200,000.    The VW originality police are no less exacting than those who examine Ferraris, Jaguars or Corvettes and, clipboards in hand, will mark-down a vehicle presented for judging if a 1957 Kombi is presented with clamps from a 1959 Microbus having been used.  The details on the early Type 2s also have their own vocabulary one example being the front turn-indicators.  Except for some built for export (with small amber bulbs fitted within the headlight buckets), the early Type 2s did not have flashing indicators, relying on mechanical semaphore signals (better known as “trafficators”); these were phased out between 1955-1960.  That they remained in use until then was not unique to Volkswagen, in England, Rolls-Royce used them until 1959 and BMC (British Motor Corporation) fitted their last to the Morris Minor (1948-1971) in 1971 and interesting contrast with the East German Trabant (better remembered as the “Trabi” or “Trabbi”) that had amber units from its introduction.  The small, protruding, conical indicators first appeared in 1955 and are usually called “bullets” although, inevitably, the nickname “nipples” soon circulated.  The larger, flatter indicators were used from 1963 until production of the “split screen” Type 2s ended in 1967; they’re known as “waffles” or “fisheyes”.

In 1974, The British Medical Journal (BMJ) used the term "guitar nipple" to describe "the irritation to the breast that can occur from the pressure of the guitar against the body."  That was indicative of the trend in the English-speaking world for newly-identified (and sometimes novel) conditions to be constructed with English elements, rather than the Latin historically used.  In the same spirit, two years later a contributor to the JAMA (Journal of the American Medical Association) was more imaginative still, coining "hot pants syndrome" when documenting cases in which a burn to the skin had been induced by a patient carrying a battery-powered transistor radio in the pocket of their trousers.  There was also in 1978 the NEJM's (New England Journal of Medicine) "disco digit" which referred to "a sore or infected finger caused by too much finger snapping while dancing."    

Jaguar tool kit supplied with 1966 E-Type (XKE, 1961-1974).  The grease gun (left) was used to force grease into various components through grease nipples.  This wauntil recent decades a regular part of automobile maintenance and remains an essential part of the servicing schedules of heavy vehicles and machinery.

Until the 1970s, it was common for cars to need periodic “greasing” of certain components, a process which involved attaching a “grease gun” to a “grease nipple” which permanently was mounted on the relevant part; manually, the gun (usually a type of plunger) was used to force grease through the nipple.  This was undertaken either by owners, chauffeurs or mechanics at service stations who routinely would perform an “oil and grease” which included (all or some of): changing the engine, gearbox & differential oil, replacing the filter(s) and greasing all required grease points.  On more expensive vehicles, “one-shot lubrication” systems (known also as CLS (centralized lubrication systems) & ALS (automated lubrication systems)) were introduced during the 1920s, the technology adapted from the hardware used in aviation and marine engineering.  Although some attempts were made to create wholly automated systems, the most widely used were those which incorporated a foot pump for the driver to press at specified intervals; this action forced grease from a central reservoir to the required points.  Being a sealed system, this meant that nowhere in the system were grease nipples required (although some often still were included in components which demanded less frequent attention or were of a design which made their inclusion in the CLS plumbing too difficult.  ALS systems remain common in many places including heavy machinery, ships and the industrial plant used in factories, power plants etc.

The standard grease nipple used on the Jaguar E-Type (XKE) (left) and a diagram with a legend listing the E-Type's oil, brake fluid, transmission fluid and grease nipple locations.  The grease nipples are indicated by the obelus (†).  In automobiles, by the 1970s the need for multiple grease points or one-shot lubrication had begun to be eliminated (although some older designs maintained the legacy for decades) as advances in metallurgy and lubrication technology permitted the development of sealed, maintenance-free components which are “packed with grease" and thus “lubricated for life”.  However, for heavy-duty machines such as trucks and earth-moving equipment operating in adverse conditions, there are often still components demanding regular greasing and thus grease nipples are still a thing.

Also a thing is the “nipple orgasm”, at least for those for whom a nipple is a “hardwired erogenous zone” responsive to stimulation; that's a sub-set of the population and there are probably no reliable estimates of the prevalence.  Although in humans orgasms are typically thought an ejaculative, vaginal or clitoral phenomenon, sexologists list more than a dozen types, varying in instance or intensity based on the individual, the circumstances and sensitivity to stimulation.  When warming to the topic, these specialists will also discuss the details of “energetic orgasms” (which can, without physical touch, be triggered by meditation or fantasy) and “sleep orgasms”, said to have been experienced by an “estimated” 37% of women and 83% of men.  Quite how those numbers were obtained isn’t clear but helpfully, in 2011, New Jersey-based neuroscientist, psychotherapist & sex therapist Dr Nan Wise (b 1967) undertook a study to reveal how nipple stimulation affects the brain.  What Dr Wise wanted to build on was the existing understanding “…the clitoris, vagina and cervix are mapped on the genital sensory cortex”, something which sits between the brain’s two hemispheres and which she labels “hedonistic pleasure zone” or, more illustratively “the crotch of the brain”.

What Dr Wise did was have the study’s subjects stimulated with various mental fantasies while in an MRI (magnetic resonance imaging) machine, allowing her team to observe how distinct parts of the brain responded to various experiences.  The results were generally in line with expectations except that nipple stimulation proved an outlier.  While her hypothesis had been there would have been activity in the brain region associated with chest sensation (the theory being nipple orgasms might occur because stimulation of the organ releases oxytocin, a hormone that can cause uterine contractions, potentially leading to vaginal orgasm), instead it was found nipple stimulation activated the genital sensory cortex itself, leading Dr Wise to conclude: “The nipples are a hardwired erogenous zone, like the genitals, when nipples are stimulated, the brain gets activated, and regions processing the sensation communicate with those responsible for pleasure.”  This tied in with one of the accepted dictums in neuroscience: “neurons that fire together wire together” and the study’s findings do seem to suggest it is plausible there exists a neural pathway between the nipples and the genitals.  Sexologists however caution individual responses will vary and techniques which produce pleasing results for one will induce no response in others.  So, YMMV (your mileage many vary) and the sexologists recommend experimentation.

The SKIMS Nipple Bra

Wearing it well: Kim Kardashian in SKIMS "nipple bra"

The admirable (and much admired) Kim Kardashian (b 1980) in October 2023 announced the latest addition to her SKIMS product line: a bra with “built in” nipples, designed to be prominent enough obviously to protrude through clothing.  Said to offer the “ultimate shock factor” (although after the shocks of the last decade-odd, some of which those associated with Kardashian clan have instigated, that may be hyperbolic) the viewer response suggested many weren’t certain whether product was real or a gimmick designed to attract publicity.  It certainly attracted publicity but turned out to be real (with SKIMS part number).  Even if the concept wasn't as “innovative” as claimed, the promotional approach in the video certainly was, the spin being that if women can don a bra to emulate one of the more pleasing consequences of cold weather, the psychological effect might be they’ll be less inclined to turn on (or up) the air-conditioner, thus reducing energy use, thereby lowering carbon emissions, meaning a lesser contribution to the concentration of atmospheric CO₂ (and other greenhouse gasses) which causes accelerated climate change including higher temperatures.  That seems to be drawing a long bow but doubtlessly somewhere there will be published research which can be spun to support (or at least not disprove) each of the steps in the internal Kardashian logic.  It was certainly an example of the way commerce is attempting to monetize concerns about climate change.  

As Ms Kardashian put it: “The earth’s temperature is getting hotter and hotter. Sea levels are rising. The ice sheets are shrinking. I’m no scientist, but I believe everyone can do their skillset to do their part.  That’s why I’m introducing a brand-new bra with a built-in nipple so matter how hot it is, you’ll always look cold.  Some days are hard but these nipples are harder. And unlike the icebergs, these aren’t going anywhere.”  The bra was said to be available in six colors with a stated “10% of sales” (the exact math of that calculation not disclosed) to be a “one off donation” to 1% for the Planet (a multi-national collective of businesses pledged to gifting at least 1% of their annual revenue to “environmental causes”).  So it sounded like a real product with a real part-number (not then listed) but there were those who thought the release date being Halloween (October 31) might suggest it might not be wholly serious.  Even had it not been real, it would have been a good case-study for students of such things learning the craft of the promotional video clip, the only opportunity missed being Ms Kardashian should first have appeared in a scientist's white lab coat, peeling it off as she spoke the words "I'm no scientist".  The part-number's later appearance in the catalogue verified the availability.

Kylie Jenner (b 1997), Met Gala 2026, Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York City, May 2026.

Keeping it in the family, Kylie Jenner’s outfit for the Met Gala 2026 featured a bodice with “built-in nipples”; unfortunately the method of construction wasn’t disclosed but the consensus was the placement was “perfect” although the scale may suggest some artistic license for effect.  Fashion critics watch the Met Gala with great interest and their analysis was the concept of the piece was of a “…gown being slipped off, revealing the bodice beneath”, Ms Jenner thus captured “…in the process of undressing” as it were.  It was a playful idea and though such things are no longer able to shock, genuinely it was original and should be commended.  The event's “dress code” for 2026 was “fashion is art” though at the Met Gala it's more “suggested theme” than enforced code and designers have always interpreted things liberally.  While it could be argued Ms Jenner’s ensemble was more artifice than art, nobody seemed to mind and she wore it well.

Skims Ultimate Pierced Nipple Push-up Bra.

Of course, for such gowns to work (and that really is the correct expression), it relies on the wearer's nipples having appropriate fittings and these can be real (as body-piercings) or faux (attached with an adhesive or clamping device, the latter on the model of “clip-on” earrings).  However, what the use of light-weight fabrics should make possible is the material's attachment directly to the nipples with either a transparent surgical-grade glue or strategically placed double-sided tape ("boob-tape" or "tit-tape" in the jargon) but some of the effect would be lost because of the extent of the surface area of skin such adhesives would require.  More to the point, were it not done with genuine fittings (piercings or clamed-on), some of the “edginess” would be lost and it was this vibe Skims picked up on in the promotional video for “The Ultimate Pierced Nipple Push-up Bra”.  The tag line was: “Our sexiest bra gets even hotter with a faux nipple piercing design so you can get the ‘Ooo’ without the ouch!” and there’s no reason why, for certain events (if not the street), a Mugleresque gown couldn’t be hung from the bra’s fittings.  Done well, it could look good although Ms Jain likely would remain unimpressed.

Skims promotional video: “The Ultimate Pierced Nipple Push-up Bra”.    

The concept of "built-in nipples" is not a new idea.  In the early 1970s, several manufacturers advertised a line of bras with cups in a sheer fabric which offered coverage and support (within a limited mass range) but clung to the nipples' definition, the most celebrated being those of Austrian-born Rudolf "Rudi" Gernreich (1922–1985), remembered as the "designer" of the "monokini" (ie a bikini supplied without the top part).  This approach was for those who wanted to display the profile of their own nipples.  The "Nipple Bra" offered enhanced engineering was the ancestor of the SKIMS bra in that rather than using, as Herr Gernreich did, the human body's "built-in" nipples, it provided some.

The 1970s: Rudi's sheer bra (left & right) and the original Nipple Bra.

The pitch all those decades ago was aimed at those who wanted to look “provocative” and in 1975 to achieve that the “Nipple Bra” cost US$20 (US$114.42 adjusted for 2023) so Ms Kardashian setting her price at US$120.00 seems not unreasonable.  The somewhat obtuse contribution to averting climate change aside, reaction to the product included the observation the bra will provide permanently “perfectly aligned nipples”, something not always achieved by the real things because, like most body parts, between left and right, there’s often some variation in size, shape, direction or distance from the ground.  Like many aspects of structural engineering, “perfect alignment” is achieved often with slight adjustments to variables like strap length.

Rudi not required: Lindsay Lohan displays perfect alignment, Venice Beach, Los Angeles, California, 2011.

In the United States, patent law exists to protect inventions, processes, and methods rather than abstract ideas and the general criteria (interpreted with some latitude) for eligibility is that an invention should be novel, non-obvious, and useful.  What does qualify is the implementation or embodiment of an idea in a tangible form so while a mere thought or concept can't be patented, a specific application or embodiment of that idea can be and this includes a new product, process, machine, or composition of matter.  Within all that, patents can be granted to cover improvements made to existing inventions.  Whether SKIMS have applied for or been granted a patent isn't clear but several for products in this vein have been granted over the last 50-odd years.  On 24 August 1976 Mr Jakob E. Schmidt of Charlestown, Indiana was granted U.S. patent #3976083 (Brassiere Having Simulated Nipples) as well as #4241737 & #4127128 covering “Brassiere Having Simulated Nipples and Attachable-Detachable Nipple Simulators”.

Conceptual drawing supplied with application for patent #3976083 (Brassiere Having Simulated Nipples), granted 24 August 1976.  The patent expired 24 August 1993.

The abstract filed with the application for #3976083 included: A brassiere is disclosed having cups which are provided with a nipple-like protuberance simulating the bulge of a natural nipple. The nipple-like bulge or protuberance may be a built-in component of the brassiere, usually situated under the fabric of the cup; a component which is permanently attached to the external surface of the brassiere cop; or an individual structure which may be attached to or detached from the brassiere cup as will, by means of several linkage and attachment mechanisms.  Simulated nipples for a brassiere would offer an acceptable compromise for ladies who do not wish to go without a brassiere and a welcome release from the subconscious effects of the suppression brought on by wearing brassieres of the types variously available, which obliterate the nipple.  That’s informative but Ms Kardashian might have phrased things in a more "Tik-Tok friendly" way. 

A nipple patch (left), the nipple patch writ large to function as a special-purpose bra (centre) and the advertising concept (right) which could be used by the manufacturers of either the "nipple bra" or the "nipple patch".  All that would be required is transposing the photographs, depending on whether the object was to display or conceal.

However, while one niche market will like the idea of being “so provocative”, there are others who find the sight of their own nipples “too provocative” and for this niche, there are ranges of products which offer coverage and concealment, smoothing away any suggestion of a nipple with patches which can be worn under bras with cups of even the most sheer fabric.  Self-adhesive (using a skin-friendly temporary glue), they can also be used without a bra and the same technology has been adapted to larger-scale units which actually function as a bra.  Marketed as being ideal to be used when wearing “backless” dresses or tops, they’re also said to be easier to use than the “fashion tape” (better known in the industry as “booby tape” or “tit tape”), especially if being self-applied.  Helpfully, if one changes one’s mind after having smoothed away the nipples, stick-on nipples are available in a range of styles and colors.

Piece from Miguel Castro Freitas’s “Stardust Aphrodite” collection for Mugler, Paris Fashion Week, October. 2025.

Miguel Castro Freitas’s (b 1980) first collection for Mugler was called “Stardust Aphrodite” and the designer described the pieces as “a trilogy of glorified clichés”, the three elements being (1) oversize and bulky, with big fluffy fabrics or shoulder pads, (2) severely tailored with extreme hourglass figures or (3) lightweight, sheer dresses; critics detected some overlap in the use of the motifs.  Although there were a number of nods to Mugler’s historic use of materials in bulk for dramatic effect, the collection otherwise tended to the “less”, one eye catching piece a gown with sparkly silver stars, its straps hung from bare-breasted nipple piercings.  To re-assure those whose toes had curled, critics noted that one was made from “a very lightweight fabric”.  The technique had be seen before, a “nipple grown” the best-remembered thing from the catwalk from one of Mugler’s shows in 1998 and this year’s model was an acknowledged homage but apart from that, it certainly was on-theme, Victoria’s Secret unlikely to see much business generated from those taken with Stardust Aphrodite.

A fragment from Fashion Feed’s take on Paris Fashion Week, 2025.

Of course the point of the catwalk is it makes it possible to see a garment in motion, interacting with the body.  That can be transformative: an outfit that on a hanger or mannequin seemed bland or lifeless can, when worn by a strutting model, come alive although equally, one which seemed admirable when static might reveal flaws of design or in construction once on the move.  Had the already infamous “nipple-piercing gown” been assessed purely on the technical criteria usually applied it would have been judged a success because the suspended sparkly chiffon flowed and swished as the designer knew it would but that achievement wasn’t much commented upon because the usual factions quickly were posting, the l'art pour l'art (art for art's sake) crowd calling the piece “an artistic vision” and dismissing criticism as the unwanted intrusion of a resurgent “purity culture” while those who disapproved called it “inappropriate” and yet another example of the way women’s bodies are exploited for the benefit of the “male gaze”.

One perhaps daring observation was that despite “many of the biggest names in women’s fashion being gay men… their designs often over-sexualise women instead of empowering them.”  Quite how much of the collective energy of gay men over the years been devoted to empowering women isn't known but Indian fashion commentator Pranjal Jain (b 2001) seemed to speak for her faction by adding that having a model parade “…a topless dress down the runway” and presenting it homage to the original of a quarter-century earlier was absurd because in the particular social & political context of the late 1990s such a dress could be understood as something “sensuous and provocative” but in 2025, “…what the fuck was the topless dress doing next to structured blazers and mini dresses?  I can tell you, the dress was a social media stunt engineered for virality.  Yet again, a man using a woman’s body for shock value.”  “Here”, she concluded, “is a perfect example of how fashion is political and historical, because context matters.”  As it has been for centuries, the critical deconstruction of frocks remains a serious matter.

Chappell Roan on the red carpet, Grammy Awards, Crypto.com Arena, Los Angeles, California, February 2026.  The rich auburn hair worked well with the hues of the gown and body art.

Even if Mugler’s “Stardust Aphrodite” didn’t at once migrate from the Paris catwalk to high street stores, the house didn’t abandon the motif and in February 2026, singer Chappell Roan (stage name of Kayleigh Rose Amstutz, b 1998) wore another of Mugler's interpretations (this time a burgundy gown) for the walk down the red carpet at the 68^th Annual Grammy Awards.  Predictably the event’s most publicized outfit, men everywhere doubtless were intrigued at the possibilities but the immediate reaction of women, regardless of their views of the aesthetic, may have been an involuntary curling of the toes as they imagined donning the gown.  That phenomenon is known as “mirror-touch synesthesia” which describes the experience when, upon observing another individual being touched or injured, a corresponding tactile or pain sensation is elicited in the anatomically matching location in the observer’s own body.  It’s very common but is a spectrum condition, most experiencing it as momentary sensation but in rare cases there have been patients for whom the effects have been long-lasting.  Technically, it’s triggered by a (usually temporary) reduction in the “self–other distinction” at the neural processing level, the causes thought to include (1) an heightened cross-activation between the visual and somatosensory cortices and (2) hyperactive or atypical functioning of the brain’s mirror neuron system.  There seems to be evidence an individual’s susceptibility to mirror-touch synesthesia is more significant in frequency of occurrence than the perception of the extent of the sensation (eg severity of an injury) witnessed.

Mirror-touch synesthesia is quite specific in its “virtual emulation” and differs from the vicarious responses (typically, a flinching when seeing someone suffer an injury) in being usually qualitatively stronger and manifested by a location-specific somatic sensation; it may run in parallel with emotional empathy (which happens typically without the literal bodily sensation) but is a separate phenomenon.  There are of course exceptions and the traditional (probably culturally obligatory) reaction of cricketers seeing a batsman struck “in the groin region” by a ball (delivered sometimes at 90 mph (145 km/h) or more) is one of mirth rather than empathy.

Drawing the lens: Chappell Roan photographed in front of the backdrop.

It would however seem the toes of mirror-touch synesthetes may uncurl because in the many photographs and video clips circulated, Ms Roan appeared not at all discomforted and the physics of that would have been determined by (1) the use of faux nipple piercings, (2) the lightweight fabric and (3) the gathering at the waist, ensuring each nipple had to bear the weight only of a few square inches of material.  No doubt pleased (if not surprised) by the interest generated, Ms Roan insisted it was not “that outrageous of an outfit”, adding “the look’s actually so awesome and weird” before concluding “I recommend just exercising your free will; it’s really fun and silly.”  The look was complimented with temporary body art, an extensive lace panel spread over her bare back with a pony on the chest, both credited to artist Jenny Collins of Puppy Puppy Playtime; the gold choker and earrings were by Buccellati.  Perhaps disappointing some, the outfit made only a one-off appearance on the red carpet, Ms Roan changing into something warmer when serving as an award-presenter.