Electra

Electra (pronounced ih-lek-truh)

(1) In Greek mythology, (also as Elektra or Laodice), any of several mythical women, most famously as the daughter of Agamemnon and Clytemnestra; she incited her brother Orestes to avenge the death of their father by killing his murderess Clytemnestra and her lover Aegisthus.

(2) In Astronomy, one of the six visible stars in the Pleiades.

(3) A female given name from Ancient Greek (now rare).

(4) In psychoanalytic theory, as “Electra complex”, a young girl's sub-conscious competition with her mother for her father's affection.  Still much associated Sigmund Freud (1856-1939), the term was in 1913 coined by Carl Jung (1875–1961) but Freud, proprietorial in such matters, added layers to his “Oedipus complex” (originally detailing a son's sexual attitude towards his mother and concomitant hostility toward his father) publishing the refinement as the “feminine Oedipus attitude”.  It can (generously) be interpreted as Freud’s contribution to gender-equality.

First century BC (of the name, although the literary tradition stretched back several millenia): From the Ancient Greek Ἠλέκτρα (Ēléktra (literally “shining bright)), from ἤλεκτρον (ḗlektron) (amber) and related to ἠλέκτωρ (ēléktōr) (shining sun; beaming sun).  Although etymologists regard the possibility as dubious, there may be a connection with the Sanskrit उल्का (ulkā́) (meteor) and/or the Latin Vulcānus (god of fire and metalworking) and the Ancient Greek ἥλιος (hḗlios) (sun).  The ultimate source may even be pre-Greek so it’s not surprising the exacting lexicographers list the origin as “uncertain”.  The Latin noun ēlectra was the nominative/accusative/vocative plural of ēlectrum (from Ancient Greek ḗlektron) and the best known adaptation was electrum (amber; an alloy of gold and silver, used in Antiquity and now specifically a natural alloy with between 20 and 50 per cent silver (once commonly called “German silver plate).  Electra is a proper noun; the noun plural is Electras (about the only use of the plural form is of sopranos or Buicks).

The legend of Electra (Ηλέκτρα)

While some of the myths of Antiquity have a unique storyline and there are characters who appear in a single role with a known lineage, in many cases the tales are tangled and figures from one myth may appear in others with different parents and children.  As an example, consider the literary career of Electra who variously was (1) One of the daughters of Oceanus and Tethys, who married Thaumas and then gave birth to Iris and to the Harpies; (2) One of Persephone's companions and was present when she was carried off by Hades; (3) One of the Pléiades.  Zeus fathered her child Dardanus who left Samothrace and went to the Troad, where he founded the royal dynasty of Troy.  Electra had another son, Iasion.  Electra is also said to have had a third son, named Emathion, who ruled over Samothrace, but more frequently this third child of hers by Zeus is named as Harmonia; (4) In the Italian version of Electra's legend, she was the wife of the Etruscan King Corythus and Dardanus and Iasion were born in Italy; (4) Electra is also linked to the legend of the Palladium.  She was later transformed with her sisters into the constellation of the Pleiades.

Elektra (Frankfurt, 1953).

The 1967 recording of Richard Strauss's (1864–1949) Elektra with Swedish soprano Birgit Nilsson (1918–2005) and the Wiener Philharmoniker (Vienna Philharmonic Orchestra) under Hungarian-British conductor, Sir Georg Solti (1912–1997) is regarded still by many critics as the finest studio recording.  Given the virtuosity on show, it's hard to argue but among the opera cognoscenti there’s a faction that insists Electra's hatreds and lust for vengeance were never better captured than in the 1953 recording with German soprano Inge Borkh (1921–2018) and the Sinfonieorchester dem Hessischen Rundfunk (Frankfurt Radio Symphony Orchestra of the state of Hesse), under German composer and conductor Kurt Schröder (1888–1962), a release noted also for German mezzo-soprano Christa Ludwig's (1928–2021) appearance as first maid.  In all the repertoire of opera, Electra is one of the roles demanding much range from a soprano and listeners can choose the Electra they prefer: technical ecstasy or thrilling intensity.

Most famously however she was (6) the daughter of Agamemnon and Clytemnestra.  After Agamemnon was murdered by Aegisthus and Clytemnestra, Electra was treated as a slave, spared only on the intervention of her mother.  In some accounts Electra saved her brother (the young Orestes) by entrusting him to their old tutor who took him away from Mycenae.  To prevent her giving birth to a son who might avenge her father, Electra was either married to a peasant who lived far from the city, or, having been betrothed to Castor and then Polymestor, was imprisoned at Mycenae.  On Orestes' return, she recognized him at Agamemnon's tomb and played an active part in the assassination of Aegisthus and Clytemnestra. When the Erinyes pursued Orestes for this crime, she devoted herself to his welfare.  In Euripides' Orestes she fought at her brother's side against the local populace who wanted the murderers condemned to death.  Electra was the main character in Sophocles' (now lost) Aletes: when Orestes and Pylades went to Tauris, rumours started at Mycenae that they had died, and that Electra's sister Iphigenia had killed Orestes.  Aegisthus's son Aletes assumed the throne and Electra went to Delphi, where she met Iphigenia who had gone there with Orestes.  Electra was about to blind her when she saw her brother.  Electra and Orestes returned to Mycenae and killed Aletes.  Electra married Pylades and went with him to Phocis; their children were Medon (3) and Strophius.

Electracy

Actor Carmen Electra (stage name of Tara Leigh Patrick, b 1972) and Lindsay Lohan (b 1986), The Art of Elysium Launches Betty and Veronica Apparel Line in Association with Miramax Films and Archie Comics, Beverly Hills, California, May 2004.

Electracy is the “skill and facility necessary to exploit the potential of modern electronic media”, a idea that has come to attract more attention after the disclosures of AI (Artificial Intelligence) systems “going rogue”, something of interest not only because of the reported events but the suspicion there have likely been many more “undisclosed incidents”.  First appearing in Teletheory (1989), the concept of electracy was constructed by US literary theorist Professor Gregory Ulmer (b 1944, then holding the chair in the Department of English at the University of Florida and a professorship of Electronic Languages and Cybermedia at the European Graduate School in Saas-Fee, Switzerland) and it appeared at a time when the internet had expanded beyond the US.  What had come to be known as the internet (until circa 2016 often with an initial capital) had been restricted mostly to universities, the military and some government agencies but by the late 1980s it had extended to research institutions in the UK, Europe, Australia, New Zealand and Japan but looked nothing like whate the www (world wide web) would transform it to in the following decade.  According to Professor Ulmer, electracy was “to digital media what literacy is to print”, the concept encompassing the broader cultural, institutional, pedagogical, and ideological implications inherent in “…the major societal transition from print to electronic media”.  A portmanteau word, the construct was electr(icity) + trac(e) + -y with “trace” used in the sense made famous by French philosopher Jacques Derrida (1930-2004).  Trace was a core concept in Derridian deconstruction; it denoted the principle that every sign, word, or present experience carries within it the mark of what it is absent, not present, and different from itself.  Instead of meaning coming from a pure, self-contained origin or a direct connection to reality, the trace means that every “present meaning” is already inhabited by the “ghost” of other “past and future signs”.  Unlike some of the concepts from deconstruction and other forks of postmodernism, la trace could, at the definitional level, be understood by most.

Jung, Freud and the Electra complex

The pioneers of psychoanalysis gathered at Clark University, Worcester, Massachusetts, September 1909. Front Row (left to Right): Sigmund Freud, Granville Stanley Hall (1844–1924) & Carl Jung.  Back Row (left to right): Sándor Ferenczi (1873–1933), Ernest Jones (1879–1958) & Abraham Arden Brill (1874–1948).

The group photograph was shot during a conference on psychology hosted by Dr Hall, then president of Clark University and the first in the US to earn a doctorate in the discipline.  Although even then psychoanalysis was established in the US, the conference would prove a landmark and trigger not only a wealth of publications but also the legitimization of the field to the extent departments of psychology began to proliferate in US institutions.  This was Freud's only trip to the US, a place where his influence would for generations be profound but, within half a decade, his estrangement from Jung had begun, producing the profession’s most famous schism that to some extent endures to this day.

Although in the public consciousness Sigmund Freud (1856-1939) does seem to loom over psychiatry and his theories continue to flavour the writing of at least some clinicians and academics, the editors of the APA's (American Psychiatric Association) DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) have moved on and in mainstream contemporary psychiatry, the Freudian “feminine Oedipus attitude” seems to be regarded primarily as a historical psychoanalytic concept rather than an acknowledged human developmental process or a psychiatric diagnosis.  It was Carl Jung (1875–1961) who coined the term “Electra complex” and explicitly Freud rejected it, not because he dismissed the notion but because his original conception was of his “Oedipus complex” as something applicable to both sexes and it was only later he constructed a more intricate model of female psychosexual development, thus the need for his term: “feminine Oedipus attitude”.

Electra Receiving the Ashes of her Brother, Orestes (circa 1927). oil on canvas by Jean-Baptiste Joseph Wicar (1762–1834), Worcester Art Museum, Worcester, Massachusetts, USA.

In Freud’s construct of female development: (1) the mother was the primary love object until (2) the child discovers the anatomical difference between the sexes, thus developing (3) what Freud styled “penis envy”, leading her to (4) blame her mother for rendering her with what she perceives as a “deficiency”, something that compelled her to (5) shift her affections towards her father meaning she (6) became her mother’s competitor for the father’s affection before (7) eventually identifying with her mother and accepting the defined “feminine role”.  Freud seems not to have commented on whether he was annoyed by Jung’s “Electra complex” becoming one of the most popular pieces of jargon to leak from the profession to popular discourse but he’d made clear his thoughts, writing in From the History of an Infantile Neurosis (the Wolfman case history) (1918) that he saw “no progress or advantage” in introducing the term and did not advocate its use.  That presumably was a clinician’s considered view though there’s no reason to suspect Austrian neurologists are any less prone than the rest of us to professional jealousy and in little more than a decade his position significantly had shifted; by 1931 Freud was arguing the pre-Oedipal attachment of girls to their mothers was much more important in than his earlier formulations had suggested.  So, although among Freudians, neo-Freudians and the wider community, his particular take on the Electra complex retains a following, the theory wasn’t a single, fixed proposition.

The Return of Orestes (from Electra by Sophocles) (1782), oil on canvas by John Downman (1749–1824), National Trust Collections, Hinton Ampner, Alresford.

The figure at the far left is Charles James Fox (1749–1806), a British Whig statesman whose career in politics endured for some four decades; he’s best remembered for his part in the Fox-North coalition government (April-December 1883 with Lord North (1732-1792)), dismissed by a then not quite mad George III (1738–1820; King of the UK 1760-1820) after the loss of the American colonies.  The episode was of note in the development of Westminster parliamentary conventions because the coalition had taken office despite the king’s opposition and when George III a few months later took the opportunity to “clear out that rotten crew”, it would be the last time the sovereign’s reserve powers would be invoked to sack a prime minister until in 1975 Sir John Kerr (1914–1991; Governor-General of Australia 1974-1977) sundered the commission of Gough Whitlam (1916–2014; Prime Minister of Australia 1972-1975), proving the royal prerogative still existed (although paradoxically perhaps now only in the hands of a monarch’s representative rather than their own).  There had been William IV’s (1765–1837; King of the UK 1830-1837) in 1834 dismissing Lord Melbourne (1779–1848; prime minister of the UK 1834 & 1835-1841) but historians seem to treat that more as a “gentlemen’s agreement” and most of those few Australians who by 1975 much thought about such things probably believed the days of meddling viceroys were done.

Fox’s other (and far-reaching) contribution to political evolution was that in refusing to serve in the administration of Lord Shelburne (1737-1805; Prime Minister of the UK 1782–1783), he accelerated the morphing of the Tory faction into a formalized party and no prime minister since Shelburne has attempted to govern without the support of a party.  In the literature, the relationship between George III and Fox often was described as “mutual antipathy” but “mutual hatred” better describes things and there have been few loathings so well documented as public knowledge, the king in a letter to North as early as 1775 saying of Fox he had: “…cast off every principle of common honour and honesty ... [a man who is] as contemptible as he is odious ... [and has an] aversion to all restraints.”  It was deeply personal view because the king attributed this dissolute lifestyle of his son and heir (George IV (1762–1830) King of the UK 1820-1830) to Fox’s corrosive influence.  Despite that, Fox’s appearance in the painting was likely playful rather than political, the artist often including public figures in his works with no overt purpose; Downman was not a “political artist”.

APA Dictionary of Psychology; the APA also publishes a concise edition.

Despite’s Freud’s place in the history of the profession and his continue presence within factions in mainstream psychiatric science, in the “standard” diagnostic literature (the DSM & the WHO's (World Health Organization’s) ICD (International Classification of Diseases)), there are only traces of his legacy.  The DSM-5-TR (2022) is the APA’s most comprehensive diagnostic classification system yet and it includes no mention of the Electra complex, feminine Oedipus complex, penis-envy syndrome, or Oedipal developmental stage, either as diagnoses or as elements in diagnostic criteria and that reflects the path of the modern (ie post 1980) DSM’s evolution as concepts not technically diagnoses came gradually to be removed or renamed, the framework shifting from the classic psychoanalytic explanations of psychopathology Freud, Jung and others had pioneered in the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries.  That doesn’t imply parent–child attachment, identification, rivalry and such has been downgraded in importance, indeed the volume of literature would suggest the opposite; it means just that modern developmental psychology studies these things extensively but generally without Freud's specific (and still famous) assumptions.  Less well-known than the DSM, the APA also publishes a psychology dictionary in which the Oedipus complex is discussed as a concept of classical psychoanalytic theory, noting that contemporary psychoanalytic thinking substantially has reduced its centrality and instead focuses more on empirical findings about earlier mother–child relationships.

Electra and the Chorus bearing vessels for libation on the tomb of Agamemnon (undated), illustration from The Choephori by Aeschylus (circa 525-circa 456 BC), pencil, pen and ink on paper by John Flaxman (1755–1826), an English sculptor and draughtsman in the neoclassical tradition, Royal Academy of Arts, London.

In modern parlance all that might suggest “Freud was cancelled by the DSM”.  That would be overstating things but it’s true than prior to the DSM-III (1980), the earlier editions (DSM-I (1952) & DSM-II (1968)) conceptualized mental disorders predominantly in psychodynamic terms with psychoanalytic concepts consequently afforded some prominence although despite the emphasis, neither the Oedipus or Electra complexes were ever listed in the DSM as a diagnosis; they were theoretical explanations of personality development and psychopathology rather than a disorder with diagnostic criteria.  It was in DSM-III the change really began, the editors deliberately moving psychiatric classification toward operationalized diagnostic criteria and away from competing psychodynamic theories, one consequence being explicit mention of the Oedipal theories disappeared from the DSM's diagnostic architecture; the threads could still be detected but that required prior knowledge, a not unreasonable assumption given the publication at the time tended circulate mostly within the profession; its high public profile would come later.  Psychoanalysis however has not disappeared and there are psychoanalytic theorists who continue to use Oedipal language meaning the concepts not infrequently appear in the literature although that does not imply modern psychiatry universally has empirically validated Freud's theory.

So if “Freud was cancelled” is the wrong phrase, it’s necessary to nominate one better and either “somewhat restricted” or “much diminished” better capture what happened (certainly if what’s being discussed is the DSM rather than psychiatry or psychotherapy as a whole).  Prior to the DSM-III, disorders commonly were described in terms of underlying psychological mechanisms and conflicts, emphasizing the primacy of psychoanalytic theory as an important influence in both DSM-I & DSM-II.  It was DSM-III that was the watershed in that it built the framework upon which all subsequent editions have been constructed, up to the current DSM-5-TR.  A major break from what had been established (reflecting a generational change in the profession), DSM-III introduced explicit operational diagnostic criteria and deliberately adopted an approach intended to be neutral concerning etiology (the establishment of a cause, origin, or reason for something).  Henceforth, the DSM would describe what a disorder looked like rather than discuss theories explaining why it manifested.

Psychodynamic Diagnostic Manual, Third Edition (PDM-3, 2026).  The PDM is less popular with a general readership because it focuses on “why we’re mad” while the DSM defines exactly “how we’re mad” and offers hints on what to do about it.  The PDM is however useful for those who (in themselves or others) detect madness but wish to determine just when & why the instability began.

However, just because Freud's metapsychology ceased explicitly to appear in the DSM’s organizing framework doesn’t mean Freud has no influence on contemporary psychiatry; a number of the concepts he developed or modified have, to varying degrees, survived including unconscious processes; defense mechanisms; transference and countertransference; the importance of early relationships; attachment and interpersonal development and (vitally) the idea that psychological processes can operate outside conscious awareness.  As that implies, much modern work has been built Freudian concepts that became mainstream orthodoxy.  What happened was those concepts have been reformulated or interpolated into broader psychological theories, rather than being accepted simply because Freud proposed them and, in a nod to Freud’s seminal role, there is now the PDM (Psychodynamic Diagnostic Manual, first published in 2006 and now in its third edition (2026)) which, able to be read as a complement to the DSM or a stand-alone title, deliberately incorporates psychodynamic concepts.  That the DSM & PDM peacefully can co-exist does indicate why it’s at least misleading to speak of Freud being “cancelled”; it was more that the DSM was becoming a different sort of publication and Freud needed a new home.

Buick Electra

1973 Buick Electra 225 Custom Four-door Hardtop.

Richard Nixon's (1913-1994; VPOTUS 1953-1961 and POTUS 1969-1974) last full-year in office, 1973 was the last “good year” of the old US economy but events in the Middle East that October would trigger the first oil shock and legislation would impose on cars battering-ram like bumpers and crude emission control devices that impaired driveability reduced power and increased fuel consumption.  It’s remarkable behemoths like the Electra lasted another three seasons.

Over six generations, GM’s (General Motors) Buick division produced the Electra between 1959 and 1990.  For its whole existence the Electra was the flagship of division’s full-size line and, at various points, was available with just about every style of coachwork Detroit offered in the era including two & four-door hardtops, four door sedans, two door convertibles and five door station wagons.  While there were no four-door convertibles, or station wagons with two-doors or in hardtop configuration, some coach-builders used also the platform as the basis of ambulances, limousines or hearses.  The best-known of the breed was the Electra 225 that gained its name from being an impressive 225 inches (5.715 m) in length and while dimensions continue commonly to be used as product descriptions in many industries, explicit mention of length does seem rare in cars although allusions were once common (SWB, LWB, EWB, an appended “L” etc). The Maybach revival used “57” (5.7 m long) & “62” (6.2 m) and some of the Land Rovers were designated according to the wheelbase in inches (88, 110 etc); there was the Ford GT40 but that was about height.  The classic Electra 225s (they wouldn’t always measure 225 inches stem to stern but the name stuck) were built on the GM corporate C platform and although part of the “great down-sizing” in 1977, it retained the RWD (rear-wheel-drive) configuration until 1985 when, along with the equivalent ranges built by Cadillac, Oldsmobile, Pontiac & Chevrolet, the “full-size” lines shifted to FWD (front-wheel-drive).  The most famous Electra 225 was a 1966 four-door hardtop in which the actor Jayne Mansfield (1933–1967) was killed after the car slammed into the back of a stationary truck;  the protective “Mansfield bars” on trucks are named after her.  Because of the name, it was used for the Buick Electra E5, a battery electric mid-size crossover SUV manufactured since 2023 in China by SAIC-GM under the Buick brand.

Powered clamshell tailgate on 1971 Buick Estate Wagon.  The 1971 Estate used the Electra platform and was Buick's first full-sized station wagon since 1953.  It was a very cool feature.  

A footnote in the Electra’s history is the powered clamshell tailgate used on the Estate Wagon between 1971 and 1976.  Built on a 127 inch (3.23 m) wheelbase, the Estate Wagons truly were large machines and the clamshell tailgate appeared on all GM’s big wagons in the era, the novelties being the powered rear glass sliding up into the roof as the tailgate slid into a recess under the cargo floor; very cool.  The power tailgate (the first ever seen on station wagons) was operated by switches on the instrument panel or a key switch on the rear quarter panel but while wagons had the powered glass, the powered tailgate was optional and, if the manual version, there was a small handle on the tailgate and an additional chrome “ring” with “flippers” around the keyhole.  The apparatus operated by turning the key to raise the glass into the roof cavity with the tailgate lowered by turning the chrome ring.  A clever design of the type engineers really would have enjoyed perfecting, the tailgate used counter-weights of sizes & springs of tension (a la garage doors) calculated exactly to allow the structure to drop under the force of gravity while demanding only a light action manually to raise it; it was a case-study in the difference between mass & weight (mass x gravity).  Although heavy and intricate, the system proved admirably reliable but the design wasn’t carried over to the new generation of smaller station wagons because, in the unforgiving new world, there was a quest to reduce weight in the hunt for improved fuel economy and lower exhaust emissions.

Lockheed Electra

TEAL Lockheed L-188 Electra ZK-TEB 1963 (left) & 1965 (right).  The TEAL livery was retained when the corporate name was changed in 1965, the aircraft not immediately re-painted, “Air New Zealand” replacing “TEAL JET PROP” on the fuselage as required by the rules of the Convention on International Civil Aviation (better known as the “Chicago Convention” (1944).

The airline TEAL (Tasman Empire Airways Limited) emerged from the Tasman Sea Agreement, an intergovernmental treaty between the Australia, New Zealand and the UK, concluded in London early in 1940.  The purpose of the operation was to provide for the trans-Tasman traffic of passengers, cargo and mail, something disrupted by the outbreak of World War II (1939-1945).  In the manner of a number of wartime agreements, the treaty contained a sunset clause stipulating a termination within three months of the end of the war with Germany but such was the state of post-war civil aviation that arrangements were carried over, the pre-war practices not returning to the trans-Tasman route until 1954.  As part of that re-organization, the shareholdings, previously spread between the New Zealand Government (20%), Union Airways (19%), BOAC (38%) and Qantas (23%), were dissolved and the two governments assumed co-ownership until 1961 when both decided to maintain separate national carriers, TEAL and Qantas, the relationship having been strained since the Australians had insisted TEAL order the turboprop Lockheed Electra to maintain fleet standardization with Qantas while the New Zealanders wanted to upgrade to jets.  In 1965, TEAL was re-named Air New Zealand.

Two Lockheed P-3 Orions of the Japanese SDF (Self-Defense Force), on anti-submarine patrol over the Sea of Japan.

The naming of the sea is contested.  Japan asserts “Sea of Japan” has since the early 1800s been the internationally accepted term while the RoK (Republic of Korea (South Korea)) claims “East Sea” predates the period of Japanese colonial rule and the DPRK (Democratic Republic of Korea (North Korea)) Korea advocates use of “East Sea of Korea”.  Unlike the Electra L-188 on which it was based, the Orion proved a great commercial success and between 1960-1990 over 750 were built, the aircraft adopted by over 20 countries; some remain in service.  The distinctive “tail “stinger” is a “MAD boom”, used for the magnetic anomaly detection (MAD) of submarines.

Re-cycling a name the company had in the 1930s used for a smaller airliner, US manufacturer Lockheed between 1957-1961 built 170 Electra L-188s, the first large turboprop airliner built in the US.  With a number of unique design features that made it suitable for use on short runways or airfields located at high altitudes, there should have been great scope for international sales but a combination of two well-publicized crashes (caused by a design fault in the engine-mounts) and the new generation of jet aircraft suppressed demand meaning production ended a decade earlier than planned.  Ironically, whether in passenger service or as the freighters many were later converted into, the Electra proved robust, reliable and provided stellar service to many operators as late as the 1990s, the airframe also serving as the basis for the Lockheed P-3 Orion maritime patrol aircraft that saw service with many nations.  The Electra’s darkest chapter was that a flight of three was purchased by the military junta that between 1976-1983 ruled Argentina and, during the “Dirty War” (1974-1973) the three flew missions to dump some of the detenidos-desaparecidos (detained-disappeared), political opponents of the regime, of which there may have been as many as 25,000) into the South Atlantic Ocean.  The Argentine Navy’s Electra’s proved ideal for the gruesome task because they were configured with wide cargo doors.

Melon

Melon (pronounced mel-uhn)

(1) Any of various plants of two cucurbitaceous vines (the gourd family) including the watermelon, muskmelon etc.  Variations include Genus Cucumis (various musk melons, including honeydew, cantaloupes, and horned melon); Genus Citrullus (watermelons and others); Genus Benincasa (winter melon); Genus Momordica (a bitter melon).

(2) The fruit of any of these plants.

(3) A color ranging between a medium crimson and a deep pink, noted for the orange tinge.

(4) In zoology, the visible upper portion of the head of a surfacing whale or dolphin, including the beak, eyes, and blowhole (a mass of adipose tissue used to focus and modulate vocalizations).

(5) In the slang of (mostly North American) financial markets, an especially large additional dividend (often in the form of stock) distributed to stockholders (often as “cut a melon”).

(6) By extension, any windfall of money to be divided among specified beneficiaries.

(7) In slang, the breasts of the human female (almost always in the plural).  The alternative slang is "chest melons" and a woman generously endowed can be dubbed melonious.

(8) In slang, the head; the skull.  Those deemed vague or of limited intelligence dubbed "melon heads".

(9) In slang, a derogatory term for members of a green political party, or similar environmental groups (rare and mostly Australia & New Zealand).

1350–1400: From the Middle English meloun & melon (herbaceous, succulent trailing annual plant or its sweet, edible fruit), from the Old Portuguese (via the thirteenth century Old French melon) melon, from the Late Latin melonem & mēlōn- (stem of mēlō and a shortening of mēlopepō (the “gourd apple”, a large apple-shaped melon)), from the Ancient Greek μηλοπέπων (mēlopépōn) (large apple-shaped melon), the construct being μηλο (mêlo(n)) (apple) + πέπων (pépōn) (ripe), from πέπτω (péptō) (to ripen).  Confusingly for historians seeking to reconstruct the recipes of Antiquity the Latin melopeponem was a kind of pumpkin while the Greek mēlopepon (gourd-apple) was applied to several kinds of gourds bearing sweet fruit, the origin of that in the noun use of pépōn (ripe) distinguishing the fruit on the vine ready for harvest from those yet to ripen.  As a modifier, melon is appended as appropriate (based on color, shape, diet, environmental niche, habitat etc) including melon beetle, melon cactus, Melon rugose mosaic virus, melon thistle & melon-headed.  The best known is probably the watermelon, dating from the 1610s and so named for their high content of water-like juice; in French, the more pleasing term is melon d'eau.  Melonade is a (non-alcoholic) drink made from melons while the (definitely alcoholic) melontini is a martini cocktail made with melon.  The adjective melonic is unrelated to melons and is used in chemistry to mean "of or pertaining to a type of complex heterocyclic triazine related to melem".  Melem is the heptazine (a certain chemical compound) with three amino substituents.  Melon is a noun & adjective and melonious, melony, melonous & melonlike are adjectives; the noun plural is melons.

The Cold War won, in 1992, Richard Nixon (1913-1994; VPOTUS 1953-1961 and POTUS 1969-1974) returned to Moscow, a place more than once he’d visited as an adversary.  Visiting the markets, he bought a juicy melon.

Being prolific and undemanding to grow, melons were among the earliest plants domesticated and in Greek, “melon” was used in a generic way for many foreign fruits, a fate which would also befall "apple", thus the naming of the pineapple and in some Old English texts, cucumbers are referred to as eorþæppla (literally "earth-apples"), the deductive process that produced the French pomme de terre (potato (literally “earth-apple”)), the French pomme from the Latin pomum (apple; fruit).  Apple was from the Old English æppel (apple; any kind of fruit; fruit in general), from the from Proto-Germanic ap(a)laz (source also of the Old Saxon, Old Frisian & Dutch appel, the Old Norse eple, the Old High German apful & the German Apfel), from the primitive Indo-European ab(e)l- (apple), (source also of the Gaulish avallo (fruit), the Old Irish ubull, the Lithuanian obuolys, & the Old Church Slavonic jabloko (apple)) but etymologists caution the original sense of these and their relationship(s) to what is now understood as “an apple” is uncertain.  In Middle English, as late as the seventeenth century (even the earliest compliers of recipe books aren’t always explicit so some reverse-engineering based on supposition has been undertaken), it was a generic term for all fruit other than berries but including nuts (such as Old English fingeræppla (dates (literally "finger-apples) and the late fourteenth century Middle English appel of paradis (banana (literally apple of paradise)).

The twenty-first century judgment of Paris: Lindsay Lohan (b 1986, left), Britney Spears (b 1981, centre) & Paris Hilton (b 1981, right) reprise Hera, Athena, and Aphrodite, New York City, 29 November, 2006.  The car was a Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren Coupé (C199, 2003-2010) leased by Ms Hilton.  It was a paparazzi photo from this moment used in the infamous "Bimbo Summit" headline by Rupert Murdoch's (b 1931) New York Post. 

That generality of meaning saw “apple” named as the fruit with which the serpent tempted Eve in the Garden of Eden, leading to the downfall of man and creating the original sin with which we’ve all since been damned.  The Biblical apportionment of blame to Eve has been held by feminists to account for at least some of the oppression suffered by women for the last two millennia.  However, the “fruit of the forbidden tree” was unspecified in the original texts of the Book of Genesis and, despite the wishful thinking of a few, in Biblical scholarship there’s no support for the notion the fruit was even hinted at being an appel of paradis, however appropriate, given the context, a nice plump banana might seem.  Nor is the forbidden fruit explicitly mentioned in the Holy Quran but according to traditional Islamic commentaries, it was not an apple but wheat.  The Prophet may not have been concerned but in Greek mythology there was the μῆλον τῆς Ἔριδος (Golden Apple of Discord) in the story of the Judgment of Paris which the goddess Ἔρις (Eris) (Strife), tossed in the midst of the feast of the gods at the wedding of Peleus and Thetis as a prize of beauty, thus sparking a vanity-fueled dispute among Hera, Athena and Aphrodite; it was that squabble that triggered the Trojan War.  Eris was the goddess of chaos and discord who (perhaps unsurprisingly), having not received a wedding invitation, was miffed and inscribed kallisti (To the prettiest one) on her “wedding gift” handing it to Πάρις (Paris, AKA Ἀλέξανδρος (Aléxandros) (Alexander), the son of King Priam and Queen Hecuba of Troy) who was told to choose the goddess he found most beautiful.  Judging what turned out to be one of Antiquity's more significant beauty contests, Paris chose Aphrodite, offending Hera and Athena, the most famous consequence of their feud being the Trojan War.  Tragedy did thereafter stalk the marriage of Peleus and Thetis; of their seven sons, the only one to survive beyond infancy was Achilles.

Cookmaid with Still Life of Vegetables and Fruit (circa 1620-1625), oil on canvas by Sir Nathaniel Bacon (1585–1627).

Beginning probably in Holland in the early seventeenth century and apparently first painted by Pieter Aertsen (circa 1533-circa 1573) "cookmaid and market scenes" was a genre in painting combining representations of produce and kitchens with themes often borrowed from the New Testament.  Two other examples of Sir Nathaniel's works in this vein are known still to exist: (1) Cookmaid with Still Life of Game and (2) Cookmaid with Still Life of Birds, both featuring healthy young ladies and there is obviously some artistic license in Cookmaid with Still Life of Vegetables and Fruit given that although every piece of produce depicted was at the time grown somewhere in England, not all simultaneously would have been in season.  Sir Nathaniel's lengthy title was too much for many, clipped often to the punchier "Maid with Melons".  This slang use of "melons" (ie female breasts) is listed by many dictionaries as “vulgar” or “mildly vulgar” but does travel with the vague respectability of a classical origin: In Antiquity the plural of the Greek melon (μῆλα) (mela) was used for “a girl's breasts” and in that tradition, in her youth, Lady Helen Taylor (née Windsor; b 1964 and a great-granddaughter of George V (1865–1936; King of the United Kingdom & Emperor of India 1910-1936)) was nicknamed “melons”.  In the line of succession to the British throne, Lady Helen comes in at number 49. 

Juicy Melons, Euston Station, London.

The world record price for a pair of juicy melons was set in May 2026 when a two “premium crown melons”, grown on Japan's northern main island of Hokkaido, realized ¥5.8 million yen (US$36,500) at the season’s first auction in Sapporo, Hokkaido, Japan; the result beat the previous mark of ¥5 million, achieved in 2019.  Although doubtlessly succulent, the prized examples were purchased not only for their taste but also as a promotional device, the successful bidder a Kushiro-based fruit and vegetable wholesaler who sold them to a supermarket where they would be “placed on display”.  Large, juicy melons should of course be put "on display"; everybody knows that, 

A cantaloupe as one would appear in most of the world (left) and a rockmelon down under (right).

Globalization has to some extent standardized in the English language spellings and meanings once disparate, sometimes reversing the trend towards diversity noted as one of the linguistic effects of the British Empire, especially in India under the Raj where the British pillaged the local languages with only slightly less enthusiasm than they showed for gold, diamonds and such.  However, the names of food seem often resistant to change, presumably most often where forms are well-established and supplied by local production.  Thus what is in some places eggplant is elsewhere the aubergine.  It’s also a melon matter because in Australia, what most of the world knows as the cantaloupe (from the French cantaloup, from the Italian place name Cantalupo, a former Papal summer estate near Rome, where the melons were first grown after being introduced to Europe from the Middle East), is called the rockmelon (occasionally rock-melon) and the antipodean quirkiness is not unique, the cantaloupe in some places called “sweet melon” or “Crenshaw melon” while in South Africa where it’s not uncommon to see fruit-stalls side-by-side, one selling cantaloupes and the other spanspeks (from the Afrikaans Spaanse spek (literally “Spanish bacon”)).  The Australian use, once deconstructed, does make sense in that a cantaloupe does (vaguely) resemble (some) rocks and has a "hard skin" but the case seems not compelling, cantaloupe a much more attractive word.  Visiting foodies will be gratified Australians follow the rest of the world when it comes to the honeydew (or honey-dew) melon, the name from the late sixteenth century honeydew (sticky sweet substance found in small drops on trees and plants), a replication of the formations in the Dutch honigdaauw and the German Honigthau.  That melon was first named in 1916 when selective breeding produced a cross between the cantaloupe and a melon native to southern African.

Anthony Albanese, shaggate & melongate

Applied kinesics: Linguists and anthropologists call the use of hand gestures as an accompaniment to speech (much associated with Italians): “gesticulations”.  Mr Albanese gesticulates (left) and Nova’s promotional banner for Nikki Osborne’s “Bushie” persona on Bush Deep (right).

Politics is unpredictable but even in the long tradition of "storm in a tea cup" scandals, few would have expected melons to play a role although, delightfully, Anthony Albanese (b 1963; prime-minister of Australia since 2022) managed a "storm in a D-cup", "melongate" the result of the second of his gaffes while in July 2026 appearing on the Bush Deep podcast.  Interviewed by comedian Nikki Osborne (b 1981), he was asked to play the “shag, marry, date” game, three Australian females from pop culture (singer Kylie Minogue (b 1968), actor Nicole Kidman (b 1967) & singer Rhonda Burchmore (b 1960)) offered as his options.  He started well by mentioning he was “newly married” (to his second wife) but Ms Osborne was tenacious and after boxing him into admitting “Kylie, clearly”, managed to press him into saying (with a slight giggle): “all of the above” (that apparently in answer to: “You’d marry Kylie? And shag her? And date her?” rather than thoughts of intimacy (concurrent or otherwise), with all three nominees but Ms Osborne, seeming pleased, did conclude: "all right, a triple" so who knows?).  The public reaction wasn’t good (although muted compared with what would have been the outrage had the remarks been made by a conservative) and quickly his office issued a one-line statement: “I apologise unequivocally for the comments”.  Educated by the Congregation of Christian Brothers (a branch of the Roman Catholic Church), the Australian arm of which was dissolved after shifting the bulk of its assets to a related but legally separate entity to protect them from civil litigation brought by victims child sexual abuse by Christian Brothers, Mr Albanese (selectively) operates on the church's long-established principle of “confess and be forgiven”.  What he should have done was make the joke one of self-deprecation, telling his host a more interesting question would be to ask the trio if any of them would contemplate shagging him and all three were anyway “too good for him”.  His second wife, by now well-acquainted with politics, would have forgiven him.

Pampered crown melons in a Shizuoka hothouse.

It turned out to be an eventful podcast because he also told the tale of meeting Sanae Takaichi san (b 1961, Prime Minister of Japan since 2025) during her Australian visit in May 2026.  Knowing a comedian would likely be not interested in trade negotiations or maritime boundaries in the South China Sea, he instead described his surprise when presented with the gift of a pair of crown melons, a fruit grown only in the western region of Japan's Shizuoka Prefecture.  The nation’s most exalted and expensive melons, farmers tending the vines in climate-controlled greenhouses each season cut away all but the most obviously fecund bud so each plant’s energy & nutrients feed a single fruit, ensuring “perfect melons”.  Understandably, crown melons are a gift presented to someone as a mark of respect or appreciation, often in the intricately constructed packaging famously used in Japan for goods from sandwiches to stilettos.  Mr Albanese described the gift as “strange” but said he found them “quite good”.  While it's not reasonable to expect him to have been aware of the cultural significance in Japan of a fruit he’d have associated with the Aus$3.99 item familiar in Australian supermarkets, his office presumably was informed so it was bad staff work he wasn’t briefed on what to say.  An additional reason for the choice of gift was to mark the “delectably honey-sweet” melons now being exported (tariff-free) to Australia.

Pamela Anderson (mostly real) on the cover of Playboy magazine, November 1994.

Things got worse.  Ms Osborne likened the melons to Canadian-US actor Pamela Anderson (b 1967) which must have amused Mr Albanese because almost instinctively he raised his hands to his chest and, making a cupping gesture, observed: “She brought two… as you do”.  There was laughter in the recording studio and it would have been a good joke in the locker room of the South Sydney Rabbitohs (the NRL (National Rugby League) club the prime minister takes every opportunity to remind the country he supports) but as the clip went around the world, he’d have understood he’d put his foot in it… again.  Well into the twenty-first century, it might be assumed politicians would by now be adept in handling the “new media” (social media, podcasts and such) but, beyond a certain age, many remain uncertain and often make the worst mistake of all: trying very hard to be “authentic” which is, of course, recognized instantly as “inauthentic”.  Politicians have before had to attempt to master “changes in platforms”.  In the nineteenth century, it was the shift from speeches being made on the floors of parliaments to public meetings; early in the twentieth it was the advent of radio (a medium better mastered by George V (1865–1936; King of the United Kingdom & Emperor of India 1910-1936) than most of his ministers), then in the post-war world it was television.  Social media & podcasts are just the latest “shock of the new” and hopefully the ALP’s operatives will arrange additional training.  Still, something good did come from the interview: Ms Osborne learning the Japanese prime minister is female.  As the first woman ever to gain the office, there had in 2025 been extensive international coverage of her accession but presumably that was something crowded out of Ms Osborne's news-feeds by the algorithms selecting matters of greater interest such as Ariana Grande's (b 1993) weight or Kylie Jenner's (b 1997) new hairstyle.

Lord Voldemort, played in this scene by Ralph Fiennes (b 1962).

Making the “melons quip” was a bit hypocritical because it hadn’t long before that Mr Albanese had issued a schoolmasteresque rebuke to a member of his shadow cabinet (Tanya Plibersek b 1969), saying she’d made “a mistake” in likening the Liberal Party’s Peter Dutton (b 1970; leader of the Liberal Party of Australia 2022-2025) to the villainous Lord Voldemort in the film adaptations of the Harry Potter children’s books.  Had the comparison been one of their political philosophy or methods (something that might still be worth pursuing) it would have been OK but in saying “I think there will be a lot of children who have watched a lot of Harry Potter films who will be very frightened of what they are seeing on TV at night” it did seem she was commenting on some physical similarity.  Asked to clarify, she said: “I am saying he looks a bit like Voldemort.  We will see whether he can do what he promised he would do when he was last running for leader, which is smile more.”  Perhaps sensing danger, she added: “I am just saying he is not the warm and friendly face of the Liberal party and, if this last election taught us anything, it taught us that the Liberal party has moved too far to the extremes of politics.”  Before long, a statement was issued from Ms Plibersek’s office saying she had “reached out” to Mr Dutton “unreservedly” to apologize, adding she acknowledged the remark should not have been made.  Mr Albanese went further, saying: “It was a mistake.  It shouldn’t have been said, we all make mistakes from time to time.  What we need to do is to move on from them and it is how we respond to them.  Tanya Plibersek responded appropriately. Tanya Plibersek did the right thing by apologising.  We should not refer to people’s appearance.”

Mr Dutton at Mr Boswell’s funeral.

Mr Dutton called the comments “unfortunate” but said they were “water off a duck’s back” and there was no need for politicians to be “nasty and mean”, concluding the affair by saying “I’m not the prettiest bloke on the block but I hope that I’m going to be pretty effective.”  Students of political phraseology enjoyed that last remark, the original used by John Howard (b 1939; Prime Minister of Australia 1996-2007) as an election campaign hook for the not at all photogenic Queensland National Party’s Senator Ron Boswell (1940–2026; senator for Queensland 1983-2014): “He may not be pretty but he’s pretty effective”.  That worked well and, in retirement, Mr Boswell wrote his memoirs, published as Ron Boswell: Not Pretty, But Pretty Effective (2023).  As leader of the opposition, Mr Dutton’s effectiveness was limited, suffering the ignominy of losing his own seat in parliament at the 2025 general election in which the Liberal party suffered its worst defeat since formation in 1944.  During the campaign, Mr Dutton limited his media appearances mostly to Mr Murdoch’s Sky News (now re-branded News24) where he could be asked “helpful” questions by other right-wing fanatics, the exchanges enjoyed by the channel’s small audience of the already converted, the only sceptical faction of which complained Mr Dutton was “not conservative enough”.  Had he dabbled in the anarchic world(s) of the Tiktokers and podcasters things might have been worse still so his handlers were right to “draw the line somewhere”.

The photogenic TERF Katherine Deves (left) and that tweet (right).

Mr Albanese’s reaction to the brief “Plibersek-Voldemort-Dutton affair” must have been something of a special case.  Although there are some things he’s done his best to forget (hoping others will do the same), otherwise his memory is typically ALP-sharp and he certainly remembered the occasions when Ms Plibersek told people she rather than him would have won the ballot for the party leadership had she chosen to contest.  Had a close factional ally pointed out Mr Dutton’s resemblance to Lord Voldemort, Mr Albanese’s reaction might have been limited to a quite chat (over a beer and a laugh) rather than a public censuring.  Sadly, the one who seemed to receive no sympathy was Lord Voldemort who was slighted by being called, by implication, “Duttonesque”; surely he had as much right to be offended by the comparison.  Amusingly, even within the Liberal Party, there are those who have seen the resemblance and commented.  Lawyer Katherine Deves (b 1978) is a (self-described) TERF (trans-exclusionary radical feminist) with a cult-following in the party and on Twitter (now X) on 1 December, 2021, while watching the televised proceedings of parliament, she tweeted: “New speaker [presiding officer of the House of Representatives] …struggles to keep order as Albo [Mr Albanese, then leader of the opposition) …calls Voldemort [Mr Dutton, then minister of defence] …‘boof head’”  The tweet has since been deleted.

Harold Macmillan (1894–1986; UK prime-minister 1957-1963, left) being shown the Sinclair ZX Spectrum home computer by Sir Clive Sinclair (1940–2021, right), London, 1984.

Old Harold Macmillan had his problems with women (being bi-sexual, he may not have been wholly blameless for his wife’s infidelity) but was fortunate to be prime minister during the last days when journalists were still deferential towards politicians (at least until they smelled blood in the water).  Clearly, at least in his dealings with the press, he’d led a sheltered life because in his memoirs he compared the still polite English journalists to the breed he encountered in Australia during his Commonwealth tour (Jan-Feb 1958), noting they were as capable as the bowlers in the nation’s cricket team of “sending down a few fast deliveries”.  By the standards of 2026 the questions he received (and played mostly with a straight bat although there was the occasional square cut) would be thought “tame” and while it can’t be certain how the old Etonian would have handled TikTokers, podcasters and YouTubers, he’d doubtlessly have been appalled and thought them all vulgarians to be avoided.

Japanese Prime Minister Sanae Takaichi san: In what was obviously a misspent youth, she was a drummer in a heavy metal band and still sometimes "picks up the sticks".  A Deep Purple (a heavy metal band formed in 1968) fan-girl, she got to meet the band during their 2026 tour of Japan. 

Mr Albanese probably wishes he could avoid appearances on the “new media” but knows a significant chunk of those with a vote long ago tuned-out of the “old media” where he for decades honed to a high-level his skills of spin and obfuscation; his office also would prefer his appearances be restricted to “more easily managed” platforms but know they must play the cards dealt.  Those in his office take pride at being thought “political pros” but curiously, by August 2026 they appeared to have forgotten the wise adage from the Watergate affair (1972-1974) that claimed the scalp of Richard Nixon (1913-1994; VPOTUS 1953-1961 and POTUS 1969-1974) that in politics what’s lethal: “is not the crime, it's the cover-up”.  Just returned from holiday, Mr Albanese “furiously denied” making a crude joke about Sanae Takaichi san’s ‘melons’ in the anyway notorious ‘shag Kylie Minogue’ interview.  At this point, rather than digging deeper, it would have been a better tactic to apologize and hope for forgiveness but Mr Albanese learned his stuff in the “non-Trotskyite” wing of the ALP’s Socialist Left faction in which “never apologize” was less a mantra than a way of life.  In what was described as a “terse statement” a spokeswoman for Mr Albanese denied the comments were a joke about prime ministerial mammary glands, stating: “This assertion is wrong.”  Unfortunately, the "damn the torpedoes, full steam ahead!" approach is a tactic and not a strategy, the efficacy of "plausible deniability" depending not on the term's second element but the first. 

So the seeking of forgiveness option (if “workshopped”) must have been discarded, the office instead opting for attack, an approach perhaps ill-advised because the spokeswoman was responding to a opinion piece (published in Mr Murdoch’s national daily The Australian) by Tokyo’s former ambassador to Canberra, Shingo Yamagami san (Japanese ambassador to Australia 2020-2023) that criticized the comments as “insulting”, speculating even that they may have damaged Sanae Takaichi san’s reputation: “However light-hearted it was intended to be, the recent joke delivered by prime minister Anthony Albanese at the expense of Japanese prime minister Sanae Takaichi is how he might be remembered by Japanese who most value the friendship with Australia.  It is a time for toiling and not for crude jokes at another’s expense.  So, prime minister, please enjoy Japan’s sweet and juicy melons without thinking about a woman’s anatomy, and instead focus on what our two countries must do together.”  As a former Director-General of the Intelligence and Analysis Service of the MoFA (Ministry of Foreign Affairs), Shingo Yamagami san was well-informed and concluded his opinion piece by reminding Mr Albanese of the special cultural significance of the revered fruit: “A crown melon is the most prized fruit in Japan and treasured as something special. Moreover, this particular fruit was painstakingly nurtured under intensive care in a special greenhouse. A single melon costs more than 30,000 yen (Aus$270).”  Translation: “Albo has gained melons but has lost face.”

Exhibit One: Shaggate.

While readers of The Australian mostly years ago made up their minds and concluded Mr Albanese “is a dud”, the reason Mr Murdoch continues to print and distribute the paper (despite large losses) is the content widely is reported on other media platforms (old and new) and while the influence is somewhat diminished, what appears can, on occasions, still “set the day’s agenda”.  However, it’s unlikely Shingo Yamagami san’s piece was written in an attempt to change many minds in Australia and was likely intended for “internal consumption” in Japan.  It’s improbable many Japanese voters would think their prime minister’s reputation much “damaged” by a foreign leader’s social ineptitude but, for a number of reasons (some geo-political but mostly economic), Sanae Takaichi san’s popularity has retreated from the stellar heights she enjoyed after assuming the presidency of the LDP (Liberal Democratic Party) and leading it to a stunning landslide in the 2026 general election (House of Representatives (lower house)) so the thought is the MoFA may have co-opted Shingo Yamagami san as a stalking horse to “muddy the waters”, seeking to exploit the “melons incident” for a bit of “blame-shifting”.  Of course, in diplomatic circles, it was hardly a secret Shingo Yamagami san was "not a big fan" of the ALP government and he may have been “freelancing”; certainly there's been from Tokyo no suggestion an apology has been sought or is expected and observers suspect  “melongate” will prove a “nine day wonder” that vanishes once Mr Murdoch's journalists conclude the story is "going nowhere" and will likely end up remembered as a “storm in a D-Cup”.

Exhibit Two: Melongate.

One who seemed gleefully to relish the opportunity to defend Mr Albanese against accusations of having violated his own instruction to her (“We should not refer to people’s appearance”) was Tanya Plibersek (an unlikely but energetic Sancho Panzo to Mr Albanese’s Don Quixote) who appeared on morning TV with Barnaby Joyce (b 1967; thrice (between local difficulties) deputy prime minister of Australia 2016-2022 and now a convert from the National Party to One Nation), the latter not previously noted for his feminist credentials.  Echoing her leader’s thoughts on the matter, Ms Plibersek said she thought the former ambassador was “…100 per cent wrong, and we have an excellent relationship with Japan.  I think the former ambassador is wrong in his interpretation.”  Now cast in the improbable role of the One Nation Party’s sole intellectual (he's a qualified accountant), Mr Joyce disagreed, saying it was “a really dangerous thing to say”, twisting the blade a little deeper by expressing some faux sympathy for his fellow panellist being bowled up to defend the indefensible: “I know you’re doing the best job you can on this, Tanya, but it’s just like the Kylie Minogue comment – completely wrong, completely trying to be clever. It wasn’t clever.  It just demeans the office of prime minister, and it certainly has created a massive problem with one of our major partners. I know in your heart, Tanya, you know it’s wrong.  Okay? And if you came out now and said, “Yeah, that was a stupid thing to say. You should have apologised for it. People say: ‘Tanya, it’s telling the truth.’”

Lay theologian Mr Joyce conjuring (with no apparent hint of irony) an impromptu encyclical on “truthfulness” was one of the more amusing episodes in the “melon incident”.  Undeterred by that surreal moment, Ms Plibersek maintained focus and insisted it was a “complete misinterpretation by the former ambassador”, unwisely adding: “People watching it for themselves can make their own minds up.”  Not one to miss a “full toss”, Mr Joyce responded: “They do, they do watch it, and they have made up their own mind.  And it is inappropriate.”  In cricketing terms, the English would have called that “being bowled a pie” (ie an “easy hit”) but anyway, Harold Macmillan politely would have applauded Mr Joyce's riposte through the slips to the third man boundary.