Scallop

Scallop (pronounced skol-uhp or skal-uhp)

(1) Any of the various marine bivalve mollusks of the superfamily Pectinoidea (genus Argopecten (Pecten)) and related genera (attached to a substratum (genus Chlamys)), distinguished by moving in water by rapidly clapping together their pair of fluted shell valves.  “Scallop” is used of other molluscs (including certain clams and oysters) and for commercial purposes, all (in the broad) are classed with the “saltwater shellfish”.

(2) The edible adductor muscle of certain species of such mollusks, widely used in cooking (in some places sold as “sea scallops” to distinguish use of “scallop” from other dishes (made usually with thinly sliced meat)).

(3) Either of the shell valves of such a mollusk, usually having radial ribs and a wavy outer edge (often used decoratively).

(4) A scallop shell re-purposed as a receptacle in which food (usually seafood) is served (and often baked).

(5) In cooking, a thin slice of meat, either so cut or something thicker “flattened” by pounding with a “meat tenderizer”, mallet or similar implement.

(6) Any of a series of curved projections (classically as multiple, symmetrical crescents) cut along the edge, used in sewing, knitting & crochet of necklines and other hems and in gardening, carpentry, art, engineering and architecture, of such shapes, used variously.

(7) In historic use (most associated with the middle & late medieval period), the badge of pilgrim (in the shape of a scallop shell).

(8) In certain places, potato (variously prepared) fried in batter.

(9) In design or construction, to finish (an edge) with scallops.

(10) In cooking, to escallop.

(11) To dredge for scallops to harvest (practiced by a scalloper).

1350-1400: From the Middle English scallop & scallop (edible bivalve mollusk), an aphetic variant of the Old French escalope (shell (of a nut); carapace), a variant of eschalope (probably from the Proto-Germanic skaljô (shell, husk, or scale), perhaps connected with the Old Norse skalpr (sheath) and the Middle Dutch schelpe (shell), from the primitive Indo-European root skel- (to cut; to split)).  English picked up the sense “thin slice of meat” from an association with French use in this context.  The process of aphesis (in linguistics & phonetics the loss of the initial unstressed vowel of a word) would have been gradual (and regionally differentiated) but, over time, the initial “e-“ vanished, “escalope” becoming “scallop”.  The use generally of shapes (clothing, architecture, garden beds) began to appear in documents in the seventeenth century although the shell (especially the larger and more colourful) clearly had for centuries been used domestically (they were nature’s pre-made serving dish) and contents (not always seafood) often were baked “in the shell”, cookbooks dated as early as 1737 detailing the methods, extending the term to describing the “decorative scalloping” used at the edges of the pastry atop pies and slices.  Before that use, “escallop” (in the sense both of “scallop shell” and “edge or border (of fabric) cut in the shape of scallops” had appeared in the late fifteenth century with the verb escalloped (having the border or edge cut out in scallops) appearing at much the same time.  The now less common alternative spelling was scallop (still seen in the UK) and the adjectival forms scallopesque, scallopish & scalloplike are non-standard.  Scallop is a noun & verb, scalloper is a noun, scalloping is a noun & verb, scalloped is a verb & adjective and scallopwise is an adverb; the noun plural is scallops.

Australian culture: The potato scallop (or “cake” or “fritter”).

In the barbarian nation of Australia, the potato scallop is a prized delicacy but while the methods of preparation and final appearance vary little from coast-to-coast, the warring tribes cannot agree on the name.  Unfortunately, use doesn’t precisely align with the state & territory boundaries but, as a general principle, it’s (1) Potato Scallop (New South Wales, Australian Capital Territory), Queensland and Western Australia, (2) Potato Cake (Victoria, Tasmania and most of the Northern Territory or (3) Potato Fritter (South Australia).  The use of “cake” and “fritter” is based on the use of those words for other dishes of a similar shape while the consensus among the “scallop faction” seems to be the name as an allusion to the “thin slice” rather than the shellfish definition and that does make sense because a potato scallop is several times the size of a typical scallop and thus dimensionally closer to the meat concoction.  Historians of food attribute the regional difference in terminology to the various terms been imported from England (where the spelling scallop was also used, the spelling influenced by certain regional pronunciations), sometime during colonial or post-colonial settlement of the continent, all the forms appearing in the British Isles at some time (although “smack” & “fairy chip” either never made the trip or didn’t survive).  In the UK, also documented is the use to describe a sautéed potato (a shallow-fried round potato slice).

Scalloped potatoes: These are different from a “potato scallop” in being thinly sliced potatoes, baked in a dish with a cheesy sauce; it's a winter favorite.

Whatever the nomenclature, the potato scallop is a classic example of “fast food” because it contains the elements (fat, salt, sugar) humans, their relatives and ancestors for millions of years stalked savannahs or jungles to hunt and harvest.  In developed nations, such substances are of course now available 24/7 “off the shelf” and a slice of potato dipped in batter and deep-fried until a golden-brown is not recommended by dieticians for frequent consumption but, for purposes of record, a “perfect scallop” is crisp on the outside with a fluffy interior the consistency of mashed potato.  The reliable Australian Food Timeline notes the long presence of this delicacy, including one recipe published in a Queensland newspaper in 1905: “Boil two pounds of potatoes, dry well, and pound in a mortar, adding three ounces of butter, half-a-gill of cream or melted butter sauce, and seasoning of pepper, salt and nutmeg. When quite smooth, butter some scallop shells, put in a teaspoonful of mixture, brush over with egg, and bake till brown; serve with watercress.”  Whether the side-dish of watercress would much mollify the dieticians is dubious but customers seem unconcerned, the item to this day a fixture on the menu-boards of fast food outlets and one that has withstood the onslaught of Burger King (Hungry Jacks in Australia), McDonalds, sushi, falafels and other international invaders.  While there may sometimes be differences in the products, these are as likely to happen within as between the regional factions.  For those who which to get a flavor of Australian culture, there’s a Potato Cake Appreciation Society run out of “cake stronghold” Victoria.

Saint James scallop shell necklaces.

The scallop shell was a symbol of Saint James the Great, worn or carried by pilgrims who had travelled to his shrine in Santiago de Compostela in Galicia, Spain, where his remains are believed to lie.  James the Great was one of the Twelve Apostles of Jesus and, in the New Testament, it’s asserted that when beheaded, (circa 44 AD), he was the second apostle to die (after the notorious Judas Iscariot) and the first to be martyred, pilgrims adopting the scallop shell because of its connection to maritime legends surrounding the saint's remains and its abundance along the Galician coast.  The concave shape also made them a practical thing to have during pilgrimages (handy utensils and cups) and scallops came often to be carved into baptistries or on baptismal fonts with shells (now not always genuine) used by priests to pour holy water on a child, initiating a new soul on a pilgrimage toward heaven.  According to legend, after James was martyred, his decapitated body was cast adrift in an unattended, rudderless boat, guided by angels to Iria Flavia in Hispania, where, on a shoreline covered with scallop shells, a large rock closed around his body.  There are variants of the tale but that’s the most popular.  Symbolically, the shell’s distinct lines (radiating outward) were said to represent the many different roads and paths across Europe converging on the single sacred destination at Santiago de Compostela.  The other practical value in the object was as a “proof of pilgrimage”, pilgrims gathering the shells from the sands at Cape Finisterre as tangible evidence they had completed the journey to the saint's shrine.

The logo of the Roman Catholic parish of Mary, Queen of Martyrs in Carver, Massachusetts was built with a central scallop, the crosses representing the three churches (Our Lady of Lourdes, Saint Kateri Tekakwitha & Saint Peter).  The parish provides an explanation of the scallop’s place in Christian iconography, noting the role as a “guide for pilgrims” (it takes an imaginative leap) on the path to their destination and the symbolic value of “authentication of completion of task”.  Historically, for pilgrims in the medieval era, the journey often was undertaken to fulfil a penance given by a priest and to verify compliance there was no other way but to make the trek and then collect a souvenir to show at mass so the priest world “tick the dutiful penitent off the list”.  However, commerce rose to the occasion and by the twelfth century traders had identified a lucrative market, selling shells from what would now be called “pop-up” stalls near cathedrals and churches.  It was from the tradition of Saint James the Great that the scallop came to be associated generally with the notion of pilgrimage, extended ultimately to the Christian’s earthly journey to heaven evoking the Letter to the Hebrews in which it was written: “These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off, and were persuaded of them, and embraced them, and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth.” (Hebrews 11:13; King James Version of the Bible (KJV, 1611)).

Shell Oil’s logos: Greta Thunberg (b 2003) disapproves of all.

Shell’s current logo dates from 1971 and was a revision by French born US designer Raymond Loewy (1893–1986) whose work spanned a remarkable number of sectors in the era of mid-century modernism, extending from corporate logos, Studebaker’s post-war automobiles, the Coca-Cola bottle & vending machines, locomotives and farm equipment; he had quite a portfolio.  For the company, a shell was always in the branding but the first image was pure “generic shellfish” and not until 1904 did something recognizably “a scallop” appear.  Unlike the use in Christianity, the logo of Shell Oil is wholly secular.  In 1833, an enterprising trader set up in London an import company to sell seashells to collectors and it stayed a family business, the product-mix shifting when a scion (Marcus Samuel, later Lord Bearsted; 1853–1927), sent in 1892 to the Caspian Sea to collect saleable specimens, realized there was potential in exporting the “lamp oil” that bubbled from the ground.  Accordingly, the company commissioned the world’s first purpose-built oil tanker (naming it the SS Murex, from the Latin where it described a type of shellfish with a highly sculptured, elongated shell with distinctive spines or fronds) to enter the market; by 1907, the company had a fleet and “the age of oil” had begun.  The origin of the Latin murex is murky.  Etymologists suspect it may be from mūs (mouse), source of mūsculus (saltwater mussel) but, along with the Ancient Greek μύαξ (múax) (sea mussel) it may be from a Mediterranean substrate language.  So, what was once the Shell Transport and Trading Company became famous as “Shell Oil” although the corporate identity has over the years changed; long known as “Royal Dutch Shell”, it’s currently listed as Shell plc (publicly limited company), the word “oil” now avoided in corporate branding by fossil fuel traders.

Scallop theorem is from the discipline of fluid dynamics; it states that to achieve propulsion at low Reynolds number (in physics, a dimensionless parameter that determines the behavior of viscous flow patterns) in simple (ie Newtonian) fluids, a swimmer must deform in a way that is not invariant under time-reversal.  Introduced in the paper Life at Low Reynolds Number (1977) by physicist Dr Edward Mills “Ed” Purcell (1912–1997) who shared 1952 Nobel Prize in Physics, scallop theorem used math to prove that at microscopic scales (where the Reynolds number is extremely low), a swimmer executing a reciprocal motion (a sequence of movements identical when played in reverse (a la a scallop opening and closing its shell)) cannot achieve any net movement.  It means in cases where the subject’s mass is negligible compared to water's viscosity, this method of propulsion fails.  Tiny organisms (cells, bacteria and such) cannot push water out of the way and thus use flagella (whip-like cellular appendage) to move through water; the motion is thus less of a “swim” (in the conventional human sense of the word” and more of a “screw” as ship designers would understand.  At these scales, viscous forces overwhelm inertial forces, a “return stroke” perfectly cancelling the progress of a “forward stroke”; whatever the energy expended, a “microswimmer” would be left “wiggling in place”.  The theorem ceases to operate at the mesoscale (the range between between microscale and macroscale) because inertia is no longer zero so the mechanical action can provide propulsion.

Dr Purcell's Scallop Theorem explained by 632NM.

Although examples have been cited where scallop theorem doesn’t operate in situations where the definition suggests it should, it is accepted in orthodox science as a foundational principle in fluid mechanics, biophysics, and micro-hydrodynamics.  The critiques discussing the “breakdown” or “violation” of scallop theorem are not wrong but nor do they debunk, rather they provide examples of scenarios in which the theorem’s strictly defined mathematical constraints are bypassed, the most common example being “collective locomotion” in which multiple reciprocal micros-swimmers interact with one another, using their combined fields to generate movement.  Of course, in non-Newtonian Fluids (mucus, polymer solutions etc), the properties of the fluid breaks time-reversal symmetry and the necessary frictional resistance exists for the action (to varying degrees) to work.  All these so-call “edge cases” do is further validate the theorem by defining the exact boundaries where the original rules operate.

Application of a different scallop theorem: Lindsay Lohan cooking scallops & crab claws on a yacht anchored off Cannes while attending the Cannes Film Festival, May, 2017.

Stone Oven Grill's Pan Seared Scallops for two

Ingredients

10 scallops (5 per person)

Salt to taste

Pepper to taste

Truffle powder (Optional)

1 tablespoon avocado oil

¼ stick butter (some prefer to use more)

Splash of white wine (some prefer to use more)

Instructions

(1) Lay scallops out on a cutting board and pat dry on both sides with paper towels.  Season all over with salt & pepper and (optional) truffle powder.

(2) Heat avocado oil in a large pan over medium high heat and once heated, add scallops to pan.  Work scallops in batches, ensuring pan is never overcrowded the pan.  Cook for 3 minutes per side; 30 seconds before the first flip, add butter to the pan to begin the melt.

(3) After flipping scallops, begin basting them with melted butter; continue basting process for the first two minutes.  While basting need not be continuous, it must periodically be done during this time.  Add white wine with 1 minute remaining and continue to baste, removing scallops once final minute is up.  Serve immediately.

Notes

Pan seared scallops, mid sear.

With a texture unique in the world, scallops offers many possibilities and the pan seared variety is a favorite, one of its many attractions being needing few ingredients, simple equipment (there are “basting spoons” available but a standard dessert spoon is serviceable) and but a few minutes preparation time.  It’s also one of those dishes amateur chefs can create at home and emulate exactly what real chefs so in real restaurants; it’s that simple.  Chefs do however have a few tips to prefect the process: (1) Pat scallops dry prior to cooking.  This is vital because it will remove any excess moisture liquid that can hinder the formation of the crust, a perfect crust being the essence of the dish.  The patting process takes only a couple of minutes: Lay them out flat and pat both sides dry with and absorbent paper towel.  (2) Pan must be hot prior to beginning the searing.  (3) Do not overcrowd pan.  While it’s tempting to fill the whole surface area, results are much better if no scallops are touching with each given a little “room to move”.

Evening gowns with scalloped necklines in a vibrant red by Georges Hobeika (b 1962) from his Spring-Summer 2017 Collection.  The scalloped cut-outs framed a sheer illusion panel, with an understated waist bow and the look worked best with a sleeveless bodice (left), the full-length sleeves and additional intricacy (right) a distraction.

Although never has the scalloped neckline defined the look of a season, never has it vanished and even if from time-to-time seen only rarely on the catwalk, it has remained a staple of high street fashion.  In the narrow technical sense, something qualifies as a “scalloped hem” by virtue of the shape being repeated along whatever line is being finished but the effect is most obvious only beyond a certain dimension.  If the arc of the curves is too small, the look can “become lost” although, paradoxically, the small scale most closely emulates the edge of a scallop’s shell.  While it shouldn’t be treated as a “rule”, as a general principle, smaller scalloping adds refinement while a larger cut is a “statement” or “playfulness” (depending on the garment) so it’s best to keep intent aligned execution.  What is possible successfully to achieve is dependant also on the fabric or material used, some scalloping demanding a degree of rigidity (such as with necklines although heavier fabrics can be difficult to persuade into the right contour) while other uses (like a skirt’s hem) can be more free-flowing.  On an outfit that really “busy”, scalloping can “get lost” in all the detail though that can work as a “highlight among highlights” if well done; it not, it’s just “making a mess”.  That’s why scalloping is recommended as a focal point, existing as the sole feature to draw the eye, explaining why designers like to add them to something sleeveless or strapless on a garment with little other detailing, even the most delicate lace inserts tending to draw the eye.

Lindsay Lohan in a black, off-the shoulder, floral cat-suit (with embedded crystals) from Balenciaga’s Summer 2024 collection, Kering Foundation’s annual Caring for Women dinner, The Pool, New York City, September 2024.

Although by any standards a “busy” fabric, this is an example of how scalloped neckline can work well if integrated with the whole.  Here, what the scallops did was “follow the pattern” and with the whole ensemble (including the very pointy knife pumps and “built-in” demi-gloves) in black, there was nothing extraneous to disturb the line.  What was clever about this piece was that although “floral” motifs intrinsically are made from curves, the overall effect was of straight lines (horizontal, vertical and diagonal) and that included the “squared-off” neckline, producing a nice effect highlighting the clavicles and bare shoulders.

1953 Aston Martin DB3S (Works).

When applied to cars, the term “scallop” is used with a different emphasis than with frocks and such in that what’s being referenced in the shell’s inside, the idea being of a shell used to “scoop out” some sand from where the sea has just receded, the lacuna creating a “scalloped” effect.  The Aston Martin DB3S was the factory’s standard competition model between 1953 and 1956 and despite being rather hastily improvised after the DB3 (1951-1953) was found to be uncompetitive (underpowered and too heavy), it enjoyed some success although it ran in an era when the Mercedes-Benz 300 SLR (W196S) and Jaguar D-Type had been perfected so championship trophies proved elusive.  The performance was however competitive and it was tough and reliable; as well as the eleven built for the factory’s team, a further 20 were sold to private teams and like the Maserati 250F, it enjoyed around the world a long career, running near the front even after obsolescent.

1953 Aston Martin DB3S front brake and scallop.  The holes were one of the many ways attempts were made to reduce temperatures (and thus “brake fade”) when using drum brakes; it was a lost cause, the answer being disc brakes.

The distinctive scallops in the “pontoon” front fenders were functional in being the most effective way to provide much-need cooling for the big Al-Fin aluminum, finned drum brakes.  Although the works cars quickly would adopt the vastly superior Girling disc brakes, right to the end of production these were an expensive option on the “customer” cars; tellingly, in the decades since, many such DB3s were upgraded to discs (some on all four wheels but most with a front disc-rear drum combination.  Although ducts to deliver cold air to brakes had long been common, the scallops were a most effective way to evacuate the hot air although, in one of those trade-offs familiar in engineering, the shape did at high-speed induce some unwanted handling characteristics, an experience many manufacturers would suffer in an age before prior testing in wind-tunnels became de rigueur and computers on which to run simulations were far in the future.  The DB3S was replaced by the DBR1 which used a form of brake cooling that didn’t so affect the aerodynamics and it proved effective, winning the 1958 World Sports Car Championship including a prized victory in the Le Mans 24 Hour endurance classic.

1958 Ferrari 250 TR.

With the standardization of disc brakes, Aston Martin didn’t carry over the DB3S’s deeply scalloped pontoon fenders but in 1958 they appeared on updated versions of the Ferrari 250 TR (Testa Rossa (literally “red head”, an allusion to the color of the cam covers), 1957-1961).  Although the looks and “end of an era” vibe have made the 250 GTO (1962-1964) the most prized (and expensive) vintage Ferrari, on the circuits, the 250 TR was much more successful, three times winning Le Mans (the final variant in 1962 the last front-engined car to win the event) and the World Sports Car Championship constructor's title.  The scallops were used on the 250 TR for the same reason Aston Martin fitted them: cooling the drum brakes.  Ferrari’s reluctance to adopt disc brakes will seem strange because by 1957 the technology was well proven; while the early disc system were sometimes noisy and pedal pressures could be high, they were effective, stopping distances shorter and fade less prevalent.  However, because Ferrari’s focus was on longer-distance events rather than sprint races, virtues like reliability and robustness were afforded a premium and it was true there were advantages, the linings in drums wearing consistently unlike the pads on discs that suddenly could lose efficiency; additionally, the hard linings of a drum brake’s shoes lasting longer than the pads of the era, meaning it often was possible to complete an event without a lining change.  None of that much convinced the drivers who wanted better brakes and the technology anyway continued to evolve, improvements by Girling meaning Aston Martin’s pit crews were by 1958 able to effect a brake-pad change in some 45 seconds, less time than it then took to re-fuel.  In 1959, Ferrari accepted reality had bitten and disc brakes became a standard fitting on all 250 TRs.  One quirk of the production history is that of the 33 250 TRs built, the 19 allocated had either the scalloped “pontoon fenders” or an enveloping front section while the 14 sold to private customers were all “scalloped”.

1958 Lincoln Continental Mark III Convertible.

Despite the coincidence in the timing, it can with certainty be said neither the Aston Martin nor the Ferrari in any way influenced Lincoln’s designers, despite distinctive “scalloped” front fenders appearing on the 1958 Lincoln Continental Mark III, a vehicle that was a remarkable change from the restrained elegance of the (highly unprofitable) Continental Mark II (1956-1957).  Although eye-catching, the Lincoln’s scallops probably don’t make as much of an impression as they might because they have to compete for attention with other “highlights” of the styling including dagmars, slanted headlights in hoods, fins, rear fender skirts, skegs and a reverse-angle rear window; it was quite a gallimaufry, assembled in a package measuring 229 inches (5,817 mm) bumper-to-bumper.

Model Adriana Fenice (b 1994) in pink stretch top with scoop neckline.

In fashion, the “scoop” neckline uses a “scalloping” effect analogous with the use by Aston Martin, Ferrari and Lincoln, the industry jargon having separate terms to avoid confusion between a “scooped” and “scalloped” neckline.  Technically, the Mark III was conventional (just scaled-up) but it’s of note because at the time it was the largest passenger vehicle ever built using unitary construction (ie no separate chassis); it still is.  While a notable achievement in pre-modern body engineering, so much internal strengthening was required (especially for the convertible) that weight could be between 5,000–5,700 lb (2,300–2,600 kg), out-weighing even a modern EV (electric vehicle) like the Tesla Model S (2012-2026) that weighed in between 4,300–5,000 lb (1,950-2,270 kg) and the Lincoln didn’t have the excuse of carrying a big battery weighing 1,000-1377 lb (454-625 kg)).  The Lincoln also had drum brakes that, like the Ferraris, sometime fought an unequal battle with the physics of inertia.  The look really was “too much” (the “moment” for such things quickly passed) and was toned-down for 1959 & 1960 although what’s often forgotten is the 1958 range out-sold the 1961 version, the latter now regarded as a classic.  However, while the 1958-1960 body was a cul-de-sac, the 1961 Lincoln Continental endured for the rest of the decade and influenced the industry in a way (and to an extent) the earlier cars never did.  What happened in 1958 proved an outlier with scallops since only hinted at.

Cheater

Cheater (pronounced chee-ter)

(1) A person who cheats.

(2) Specifically, an adulterer (although used in the same sense of infidelity generally, even when neither party is married). 

(3) A device or component used to evade detection of non-compliance with rules or regulations (such as the (Dieselgate) mechanical and electronic devices used by Volkswagen and others to cheat emissions testing programmes).  As a mechanical device a cheater is thus "a modifier" and the word is also often used as one.

(4) Slang (in the plural) for eyeglasses or spectacles (archaic).

(5) In mechanical repair, an improvised breaker bar made from a length of pipe and a wrench (spanner), used typically to free screws, bolts etc proving difficult to remove with a ratchet or wrench alone; any device created ad-hoc to perform a task not using the approved or designated tools.

1300-1350: From the Middle English cheater from cheat, from cheten, an aphetic variant of acheten & escheten, from the Old French eschetour, escheteur & escheoiter, from the noun; it displaced native Old English beswican.  The -er suffix was from the Middle English –er & -ere, from the Old English -ere, from the Proto-Germanic -ārijaz, probably borrowed from the Latin -ārius.  The adoption was reinforced by the synonymous but unrelated Old French –or & -eor (the Anglo-Norman variant was -our), from the Latin -(ā)tor, from the primitive Indo-European -tōr.  The suffix was added to a person or thing that does an action indicated by the root verb, thereby forming the agent noun.  The noun cheatery is now rare, existing only in old texts.  Escheat refers to the right of a government to take ownership of estate assets or unclaimed property, most often when an individual dies without making a will and with no heirs.  In common law, the theoretical basis of escheat was that (1) all property has a recognized owner and (2) if no claimants to ownership exists or can be identified, ownership reverts to the King (in modern terms the state).  However, in some circumstances escheat rights can also be granted when assets are held to be bona vacantia (unclaimed or lost property).  The original sense was of the "royal officer in charge of the king's escheats," and was a shortened form of escheater, agent noun from escheat.  The meaning “someone dishonest; a dishonest player at a game” emerged in the 1530s as the Middle English chetour, a variant of eschetour following the example of escheat +‎ -er which evolved in English in the modern form cheater (cheat + -er).  Cheater & cheatery are nouns; the noun plural is cheaters.

Cheater cars are a frequent sight on several social media platforms, posted presumably by impressed spectators rather than victims or perpetrators.  Techniques and artistry vary but there does seem to be a trend whereby the more expensive the car, the larger and more lurid will be the lettering.  Red, pink and fuchsia appear the colors of choice (the connotation perhaps "scarlet") except where the automotive canvas is some hue of red; those artists adorn mostly in black or white; the use of upper and lower case characters seems to vary.  Like many trends on social media, all may not be what it appears and it's believed some of the "cheater cars" posted are "fake", daubed just as click-bait.

Although the consequence of having violated the the Seventh Commandant, those suffering a "cheatered" care are in a sense "victims" so the following notes are provided as a courtesy to cheaters: If the philandering cheater is (obviously undeservingly) lucky, they’ll find the attack on their car has been symbolic rather than destructive in that the paint is water-based.  If so, if discovered soon after application, it may be possible for it to be dissolved and washed away without having to resort to strong chemicals.  Specialists recommend cleaning the car with just mild, soapy water (thereby removing anything abrasive) and then soaking microfiber towels in the same mix.  Place a wet towel over the affected area for 5-10 minutes (obviously more difficult with vertical surfaces so some improvisation may be demanded) and then gently wipe away the softened paint (do not scrub aggressively because some grit may be embedded; if possible use water spray from domestic garden hose).  If some time has elapsed and the paint fully has dried, usually it's safe to use a rubbing alcohol (such as Isopropyl); this should break down the latex or acrylic binder without harming the paint beneath.  Pour a small quantity of rubbing alcohol onto a clean microfiber cloth, hold on the paint for a few seconds and then gently rub with a circular motion.  Also potentially effective are the citrus-based solvents but these must be used with caution because they’re remarkably strong (left on some plastics, they can melt the surface!) so fluid should be tested on some small, hidden part of the vehicle (such under the hood (bonnet) or beneath carpets).  There are also dedicated clay-based lubricants (they come as conveniently sized bars) that can be “glided” across dampened paint to lift what’s atop without damaging the paint below.  The clay works on as similar basis to rubbing compounds and these may be necessary for any “stubborn spots”.  If the paint used is oil-based or something just as “sticky”, an expert should be consulted because aggressive solvents (industrial paint strippers, acetone, lacquer thinner etc) quickly can eat through to bare metal or whatever material was used for the bodywork.

An sinner's Audi: A Trotskyesque death by pick-axe, Burgas, Bulgaria, September 2005.  Press reports suggested this attack was a "business matter" but it could have been the work of a S5C-APC.

So that’s of paint which is bad enough.  However if one had cheated on a S5C (stage-five clinger, a breed always prone to using paint) who is also APC (actual psycho-chick), the consequences may be worse and S5C-APC may resort to fire-bombing car, attacking it with a baseball bat, slashing tyres or leaving a half-dozen pick-axes buried in the bodywork.  That may sound extreme but the S5C-APC can be exactly that and, after all, cheaters have only themselves to blame and all that can be recommended is following either (1) the Seventh Commandant (Thou shall not commit adultery) or (2) the unwritten eleventh (Thou shall not get caught).  As a technical point, it's acknowledged that suggesting all cheaters are men and all painters (or axe-wielders) are women is sexual stereotyping may be wrong but probably only to the extent almost all cheaters are men and almost all painters (or axe-wielders) are women.

Hell also hath no fury like a woman cheated upon.   

Because it sounds Shakespearian (a construct in literature), the (anyway incorrectly quoted) phrase “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” often is attributed to William Shakespeare (1564–1616).  That's thought plausible because it seems to be in "his voice" and in modern use, often about the only time the Middle English “hath” is seen is in some Shakespearian quote so the association sticks.  The real author however was Restoration playwright William Congreve (1670–1729) who coined the phrase for his 1697 play The Mourning Bride, the protagonist of which, although becoming a bit unhinged by the cruel path of doomed love, doesn’t resort to leporidaecide (bunny boiling).  Congreve’s line, “Heav'n has no rage, like love to hatred turn'd, nor Hell a fury like a woman scorn'd.” was good but actually was a more poetic rendition of a similar but less elegantly expressed version another playwright had used a year earlier.  The Mourning Bride is the source also of another fragment for which the bard is often given undeserved credit: “Music has charms to soothe a savage breast” although that’s often bowdlerized as “Music has charms to soothe a savage beast”.  Politicians notoriously are liars and cheaters, some even cheerfully admitting it (usually when safely in their well-provided for retirement) but in the privacy of their diaries, they're fond of happily (and usually waspishly) admitting it of others.  Although he has a deserved reputation for telling not only lies but big lies, no one has ever disputed Joseph Goebbels’ (1897–1945; Reich Minister of Propaganda 1933 to 1945) assessment of a fellow cabinet member, foreign minister Joachim von Ribbentrop (1893–1946; Minister of Foreign Affairs 1938-1945) of whom he said “He bought his name, married his money and cheated his way into power”.  Goebbels was a serial adulterer and in his home town was known as "Die Ziege von Berlin" (the goat of Berlin). 

Volkswagen: Cheating as a science 

Guilty as sin.

Oliver Schmidt (b 1969; inmate number 09786-104 in US Federal, York Township, Michigan. right) received a seven year sentence for his involvement in the Volkswagen diesengate scandal.  Herr Schmidt (right) is pictured here receiving a Ward’s “Best Engine” award in 2015.  In US$ terms, dieselgate is thus far the most expensive of the many "gates".  In falsifying things so its diesel engines appeared to be less polluting than they were (certain particulates emitted at up to 40 times the volumes claimed with some 11 million "cheating" vehicles built) Volkswagen certainly gave cheating a bad name and, in addition to the hefty fines imposed in the US and EU (European Union (1993)), the multi-national aggregation which evolved from the EEC (European Economic Community), the Zollverein formed in 1957), in May 2022 the company announced an out-of-court settlement of Stg£193 million (US$242 million) with UK regulators, following the Aus$125 million (US$87 million) imposed by the PVA (Federal Court of Australia).  To date, Dieselgate has cost the company some US$34 billion with guilty verdicts handed down in criminal cases including two former Audi executives: head of engine development Wolfgang Hatz (b 1959) and lead diesel engineer Giovanni Pamio (b 1963) who were handed suspended jail sentences of 24 months and 21 months, respectively.  Hatz was fined €400,000 (US$437,000) and Pamio €50,000 (US$55,000).  All three were guilty as sin so the verdicts were unsurprising.  Volkswagen suffered greater consequences for having be "caught cheating" than did Pontiac in 1973 but that was a single vehicle submitted for testing so really was a case of "attempted cheating".

1971 Volkswagen Karmann Cheetah prototype.

Before they became the industry’s most notorious (although not only) cheats, Volkswagen flirted with the idea of producing a “Cheetah”; designed by Italy’s Italdesign and built by German coachbuilder Karmann, the Volkswagen Karmann Cheetah first appeared in March 1971 at the Geneva Motor Show.  Reflecting the view there were still developmental possibilities in the company’s long-running and highly successful platform used first for the Type 1 (Beetle, 1938-2003), the Cheetah was thought a way to wring one last drop from what had begun life in 1938 as an attempt by the Third Reich (1933-1945) to produce a "people's car".  Over the decades, the approach had yielded much success with the Beetle’s underpinnings yielding military applications and utility vehicles as well as the famous Type 2 (1949-1979, as Microbus, Kombi etc in a wide range of configurations and the lovely Karmann Ghia (in two series, Type 14: 1955–1974 & Type 34: 1961–1969) coupé and cabriolet.  Additionally, conventional (in the then current European style) coachwork had been used for the Type 3 models (1961-1973), built as two door sedans, (including a fastback) and station wagons, the market responding well to more spacious and modern bodies being placed atop the Beetle’s famously reliable and durable drive-train.

1980 Triumph TR8 (left) and Triumph Bullet design study (circa 1970, right).  The "wedge" design language is evident but the lines of the earlier Bullet design study  are even closer to those of the Cheetah; the Volkswagen didn't enter production but many wedges appeared in the 1970s & 1980s.  Like not a few ventures from the doomed British Leyland (1968-1986), as a successor to the highly regarded TR6 (1968-1976), the Triumph TR7 (1974-1972) should have been a success but corporate and governmental ineptitude saw it added to Leyland's large scrapheap.  The TR8 (1977-1982) transformed the TR7's dynamics by use of Rover's 3.5 litre (215 cubic inch) V8 but, as was emblematic of the corporation, just as the concept had been perfected, production ended.  There has been much analysis of the UK's motor industry in the 1970s and 1980s and while conditions (internal and external) often were "difficult", most published accounts conclude Leyland "deserved to fail".  

The idea of the Cheetah was a variation on the theme that had produced the Kombi, Karmann Ghia and such: a low-cost roadster suitable for mass production on existing assembly lines using a 1.6 litre version of the Beetle’s familiar flat-four engine, the power output of 50 HP judged “adequate” because of the light weight and slippery aerodynamics.  In a sign of the times, anticipating US regulations, not only were the front and rear sections designed to accommodate large bumpers but rather than a classic roadster, from Giorgetto Giugiaro's (b 1938) drawing board came a targa, the modernist wedge-shape then highly fashionable.  Because it was then anticipated the traditional convertible would in the US be outlawed, the there was a built-in roll-over bar, integrated into pillars designed to resemble a roadster’s detachable hardtop and the clever targa mechanism was the work of Karmann, the soft-top featuring a translucent sunroof panel above cockpit; it slid down the length of the top's sidebows, tucking neatly between the seats.  However, Volkswagen’s management were by the late 1960s not disconnected from reality and understood the days of mass-market machines with air-cooled rear-engines were coming to an end.  Although still a success, the writing was on the wall for the Beetle and the attempt to translate the concept into larger, four-door form had failed, the 411 (1968–1972) & 412 (1972–1974) ranges never coming close to meeting expectations.  By 1971, work was already advanced on what would be the template to carry the company into the next century (FWD (front wheel drive) with water cooled front-mounted engines) and that program would by 1974 begin to yield the new generations (Sirocco, Passat, Golf, Polo etc).

1972 publicity still for Fiat X1/9.  Because of the juxtaposition of (1) lime green paint and (2) a model in orange hot-pants, no knowledge of automotive history is required to date this photograph from the 1970s.

But the Cheetah seemed compelling because there was rear-engined, air-cooled hay to be made while the sun still shone and the formula (a small, economical, sports car able to be mass-produced at low cost by using components from high volume models) had long been a staple of the UK’s industry (MG, Triumph and Austin Healy all booking good profits through big export sales, especially to the lucrative US market.  On paper, the Cheetah thus made sense and although, (given the 50 HP) the name might have been at least optimistic, the Karmann Ghia sold well despite never having been a high performance car despite the glamorous lines (indeed, slightly heavier than a Beetle, acceleration suffered although the shape added a little to the modest top speed).  Anyway, the Triumph Spitfire’s pace hardly lived up to its illustrious name and the Cheetah was envisaged as something that would sell to those who valued the Beetle’s virtues (economy of operation, reliability, resale value) but would be drawn to its avant-garde looks; at a time when the phrase still could be used, it was a “lady’s car”.  As it was, the decision was taken not to proceed and not long after the debut in Geneva, the Cheetah faded into obscurity although Fiat would in 1972 release the similar-looking X1/9 using the same concept of parts-sharing although with contemporary engineering (water cooled, mid-engined, no swing axles) and it was a success, needing only minimal updates until production ended in 1989.  Volkswagen doubtlessly was right not to proceed with the Cheetah; the historic moment had passed.

Smokey Yunick: Cheating as an art  

Smokey Yunick’s 1966 Chevrolet Chevelle (1963-1977) #13 that some alleged was a 7:8 or 15:16 rendition, here aligned against a grid with a stock body.

In simpler, happier times, cheating could be an accepted part of the process and just something of a contest between poacher and gamekeeper.  In the 1960s, NASCAR (National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing) racing in the US was a battle between scrutineers amending their rule-book as cheating was detected and teams scanning the same regulations looking for loopholes and anomalies.  The past master at this cheating was Henry "Smokey" Yunick (1923–2001), a World War II (1939-1945) bomber pilot whose ever-fertile imagination seemed never to lack an imaginative venture aimed at securing some advantage while remaining compliant with the letter of the law (at least according to his interpretation).  His cheats were legion but probably the most celebrated (and there were some who thought this one legitimate) concerned his interpretation of the term “fuel tank capacity”.  NASCAR's rulebook specified the maximum quantity of fuel a tank could hold but said nothing about the steel fuel line running from tank to engine so Mr Yunick replaced the modest ½ inch (12.5 mm) tube with one 11 feet (3.6 m) long and two inches (50 mm) wide, holding a reputed 5 (US) gallons (19 litres) of gas (petrol).  That was his high-tech approach.  Earlier he’d put an inflated basketball into an oversized tank before the car was inspected by scrutineers: when they filled the tank, it would appear to conform to regulations; these days it’d be called “inflategate”.  After passing inspection, Mr Ynuick would deflate the ball, pull it out and top-up his oversized tank for the race.  Pointing out there was nothing in the rules about basketballs didn’t help him but did lead to the rule about a maximum “fuel tank capacity”, hence the later 11 foot-long fuel line.

NASCAR's letter of approval.

Mr Yunick’s 1966 Chevrolet Chevelle was different from the stock models but by the mid 1960s, all NASCAR’s "stock" cars were, the days long gone when what were raced were essentially "stripped-out versions of showroom-stock cars".  The difference certainly was perceptible to the naked eye and an urban legend arose it was a 7:8 (some said 15:16) scale version.  The body’s external dimensions were however those of a stock Chevelle although the body was moved back three inches for better weight distribution, the floor was raised with the underside smoothed to improve the aerodynamics, the same reason the bumpers were flush-fitted to the fenders.  The first car passed inspection (after making the modifications decreed by NASCAR) and took pole position at the 1967 Daytona 500.  He built another imaginative Chevelle for the 1968 race but it never made it past inspection.  In 1990, Smokey Yunick was inducted into the International Motorsports Hall of Fame, a recognition as richly deserved as it was overdue.

The speedy cheetah

Singer and dancer Josephine Baker (1906–1975) with Chiquita, her pet cheetah.

A true homophone of cheater, cheetah (the plural cheetahs) wholly is unrelated.  Cheetahs are large cats (Acinonyx jubatus) of south-western Asia and Africa, resembling a leopard but noted for certain dog-like characteristics which is why they’re sometimes been trained for hunting game (deer, antelope etc) and they have even occasionally been fully domesticated as pets; they're said to be "affectionate and protective but never fully house trained".  Dating from the early eighteenth century, cheetah was from the Hindi चीता (cītā (leopard, panther), from the Sanskrit citraka (leopard) & citrakāya (tiger) the construct being चित्र (citra) (multicoloured; speckled) + काय (kāya) (body, thus “beast with a spotted body”).  The Sanskrit citra was akin to the Old High German haitar (bright), the German heiter and the Old Norse heiðr (bright) and ultimately was from the primitive Indo-European kit-ro-, from the root skai- (to shine, gleam, be bright).  Kāya ultimately was from the primitive Indo-European kwei- (to build, make).  The now archaic alternative spellings were cheetah & cheetah and historically, the creatures were known also as the guepard, hunting cat or hunting leopard.  Understandably, given their size and predatory nature, it’s not uncommon for cheetahs to be referred to as “big cats” but in zoological taxonomy, felinologists restrict the “big cat” classification to the genus Panthera (lions, tigers, leopards, snow leopards & jaguars) and one defining feature of the Panthera cats is their ability to roar, made possible by a specific structure in their larynx.  Lacking the anatomical feature, cheetahs can purr, chirp & hiss but not roar.

A female cheetah at speed.

According to Dr Anne Marie Helmenstine, computer modelling suggests a cheetah should be able (briefly) to attain a speed of 75 mph (120 km/h) although its hunting technique is to maintain an average of 40 mph (65 km/h), sprinting to the maximum only when making a kill.  Cheetahs have been verified as attaining 60 mph (96.5 km/h) and if required, the quick cats can go from 0-60 mph in 3 seconds (three strides), putting them in the class of the quickest Lamborghinis, Ferraris and such but they're sprinters with little endurance, able to sustain top speed for little more than a quarter-mile (400 metres).  Like engineering, nature imposes trade-offs and although pronghorn antelopes have been recorded running at a slightly slower 55 mph (88 km/h), they're able to sustain that for around a half-mile (800 metres) although 40 mph (70 km/h) can be maintained for several miles and their "natural cruising speed" of 30 mph is possible for as much as 20 miles (32 km) depending on the terrain and weather conditions.  The speed and endurance differentials between cheetahs and antelopes explains why the cat's tactic is to get as close as possible before closing for a kill; if the prey is not caught within 300-400 metres, it'll likely escape although, in the wild, not every encounter is one-on-one; a antelope seeking to outrun one cheetah runs the risk of running into the path of another.

Easily, cheetahs can out-sprint humans, the men’s world record for the 100 metre dash standing a 9.58 seconds, compared with an eleven year-old cheetah (in captivity) clocked at 5.95 and her top speed of 61 mph (98 km/h) remaining the highest verified.  For now, the cats remain quicker than even robots, the record at the 2026 World Humanoid Robot Games in Beijing set at 9.39 seconds but while the cheetah probably has reached its evolutionary peak, humanoid robots are still (in evolutionary terms) in an early stage of development so one going quicker then 5.95 may be just a question of whether resources are devoted to the quest; it does seem more likely the CCP (Chinese Communist Party) will direct companies to focus instead on making humanoid robots more "useful" such as for military purposes (neutralizing other machines or killing people).  So for now the pace of the cheetah remains impressive but it's still not the fastest creature on the planet.  In the ocean, Black Marlin have been clocked at 82 mph (132 km/h) while sailfish can for periods swim at 70 mph 110 km/h.  Land and sea creatures are how ever slow compared with birds, the “calculated maximum theoretical speed” of the “ideal Peregrine Falcon” being between 250-388 mph (400-625 km/h) depending on altitude (and thus air density) and while many are sceptical about that, Guinness World Records has accepted the bird’s speed being recorded at 242 mph (389 km/h) in a dive.  Despite that, there are ornithologists who doubt such a velocity has been reached and claim a top speed around 150 mph (240 km/h) is likely more realistic.  Still, that makes them the fastest known animal in the universe.

The Bill Thomas Cheetah

Cheetah cutaway, published in Sports Car Graphics, November, 1963.  Not many front-engined cars had space sufficient to for a usefully-sized frunk.

A contemporary of the Shelby American AC Cobra (1962-1967) and very much in the same vein, the Cheetah (1963-1966) was designed and constructed by California-based race car builder Bill Thomas (1921-2009).  As part of his work as an engineering consultant, Mr Thomas undertook projects for GM (General Motors), his focus on the somewhat clandestine motorsport activities of its Chevrolet division and he parlayed this influence into securing corporate support for the concept that became the Cheetah.  The support was practical in that it yielded most of the mechanical components needed for a prototype including a Chevrolet Corvette's 327 cubic inch (5.3 litre) V8 engine, Muncie four-speed gearbox, independent rear suspension and a miscellany of stuff from the GM parts bin.  It was obviously the pre-CAD (computer-aided-design) era but Mr Thomas didn’t trouble himself with drawing boards or blueprints, instead laying out the drive-train components on the floor of his workshop in what seemed to his practiced eye an ideal arrangement and, with white chalk, he then sketched on the concrete the outline of the chassis frame members.  At that point, a draftsman (with tape measure) was brought in and blueprints were rendered; remarkably, Mr Thomas with great success for decades used this novel design technique (don't try this at home, it needs a gifted engineer).  Once the chassis dimensions were finalized, a body was designed and it’s important to note the project was initially envisaged only as a “concept car”, built for the purpose of impressing GM and thus securing further contracts.  So, conceived as something to be admired rather than used for any serious purpose, it was only as construction continued Mr Thomas sort of “fell in love” with his creation and decided to use it in competition, something to which its low weight and prodigious power should have made it well-suited.  However, the compromises in chassis design which mattered not at all for a concept car meant some structural rigidity had been sacrificed and that was a quality essential in race cars; later rectification work would be required.  The first two Cheetahs were fabricated in aluminum (later models used GRP (glass reinforced plastic, better known as fibreglass) and one was sent to the Chevrolet Engineering Center for testing and evaluation.

1964 Cheetah with clamshell hood open.

The layout was not so much radical as extreme, the conventional F/R (front engine-rear drive) approach taken to a kind of logical conclusion with the engine located so far back the driver’s legs were alongside the block.  In the same way the “mid-engine” configuration was being defined as “engine behind the driver and in front of the rear axle line”, the Cheetah’s variation was “engine in front of driver and behind the front axle line”, already familiar in race cars and in a handful of exotic machines but in the early 1960s still.  As well as offering most of the weight-distribution and handling advantages offered by a mid-engine, the Cheetah’s layout avoided the complication of a transaxle but the drawbacks included inefficiencies in packaging (ie a cramped cockpit) and extraordinary heat-soak, the latter a familiar issue in an era when small, low volume coupés were fitted with large displacement US V8 engines, the elegant AC 428 “Fura” (1965-1973) an exemplar of the phenomenon.  When the Cheetah was tested prior to being used on the track, it was found to be prone to over-heating, largely because the body had been designed to look decorative and no vents had been installed to extract hot air from under the long hood.  That was addressed by the use of a larger radiator and the addition of various vents & ducts, along with a full-length belly pan, meaning subsequent versions lacked the visual purity of the original, the effect not dissimilar to the way the addition of this and that to provide for heat management meant the production versions of the Lamborghini Countach (1974-1978) lacked the sleek starkness of the original prototype, first shown at the 1971 Geneva Motor Show (attracting rather more attention that that other prototype wedge, the Volkswagen Karmann Cheetah).  Still, compared with how subsequent versions of the Countach (1978-1990) would be adorned, the elegance of the early run 160-odd of the LP400 Periscopios remains compelling.

1964 Cheetah, note the cut-outs and vents, subsequent additions to handle the heat generation.  As might be guessed, AC (air conditioning) was not on the option list.

The Cheetah’s dubious structural rigidity was a result of the original chassis being merely a quickly-assembled platform on which the striking body could be mounted to be admired but it was marginal for use even as a road car, let alone one subjected to the stresses of competition; even before testing it was anticipated substantial changes would have to be made.  Because so little triangulation had been incorporated in the original build, the chassis was susceptible flex as the loads imposed by lateral forces increased as high-speed curves were negotiated, meaning the suspension geometry changed, challenging even skilled drivers accustomed to rigid frames that guaranteed the point at which characteristics became frightening was at least predictable.  Additionally, for the testing, the Cheetah was provided with more power (perhaps not the car's most most obvious need) which exacerbated the alarming tendencies, including the rear suspension’s trailing arms bending, slighting altering (sometimes while at high speed!) the location of the wheels.  Adding gusseting and triangulation to the frame and redesigning the trailing arms ameliorated the worst of the characteristics but some vices were inherent in DNA so subsequently, some owners of Cheetahs, seduced by its many virtues, undertook what was essentially a re-engineering of the underpinnings; most of the many replicas and "continuation" editions differ significantly from the originals.  So it was flawed but it was an age of charismatic, imperfect machines and whatever the quirks, the Cheetah was powerful, light and clearly aerodynamic for in a straight line, few could match its pace; the name was chosen for a reason.

Unfortunately, the early 1960s were the end of an era in sports car racing because in addition to the regulatory body (the FIA (Fédération Internationale de l'Automobile (the International Automobile Federation) already on its descent to becoming world sport's dopiest regulatory body) changing the rules for the class for which the Cheetah was intended so that 1,000 rather than 100 would be required for homologation, in the top flight, the days of the classic front-engined roadsters and coupes in top-line competition were nearly done and the future lay with the rear-mid configuration.  Given all that, Chevrolet withdrew its support although small-scale production continued and some two-dozen were constructed before the last was built in 1965.  The survivors are now high-priced collectables and there have been dozens of replicas although in the twenty-first century, this cottage industry was stalled by a dispute over ownership to the intellectual property associated with the design.  Predictably, although the Cheetah wasn’t obviously a car in need of more power, some owners of the replicas have (commendably) concluded exactly that and fitted a variety of engines including big-block V8s while others have added forced aspiration (turbochargers or superchargers).  Fundamentally, what this approach meant was the “handle with care” injunction wisely applied to the original remained; just more so.

1929 Mercedes-Benz SSK (left) and 1964 Cheetah (right)

The distinctive lines of the Cheetah, its driver sitting over the rear wheels behind a long nose, recalled the pre-war roadsters that provided the model for most of the era’s grand prix cars, the motif lasting into 1960 when (in the unusual circumstances prevailing for Italian Grand Prix at Monza), a Ferrari secured one last win for the front-engined anachronisms.  The Mercedes-Benz SSKs (W06, 1928-1932) & SSKLs (WS06RS, 1931) were classic examples and among the last of the road cars able to win top-flight grand prix events.  The red example (above left) is a 1929 model SSK (one of 33 built) and although the hue is untypical of the breed, in fashion and on the highways, the interwar (1919-1939) years were more colourful that the impression left by the volume of monochrome and sepia images making up so much of the photographic record.  Interestingly, although Mercedes-Benz race cars are much associated with white (the racing color originally allocated to Germany) and silver (adopted by the factory racing team in the 1930s although in not quite the circumstances once claimed) there was a precedent for the use of red because that was the paint applied to the Mercedes Tipo Indy 2.0 used to win the 1924 Targa Florio (setting a race-record time which would stand for a decade), chosen because of the habit of the Sicilian crowds to pelt with rocks any car not painted in Italian Racing Red.  Not since 1920 had a non-Italian car won so it was a wise precaution.

1969 Pontiac Grand Prix Model J.  The name was opportunistic, the big Pontiac having as much in common with a grand prix as the Volkswagen Karmann Cheetah had with speed.

Such is the appeal to stylists of the “long nose” that over the years many have ignored the packaging inefficiencies its use imposes.  It was one of the most commented-upon aspects of the Jaguar E-type (1961-1974) and probably it’s rare for an analysis of that shape to have been written without the word “phallic” appearing at least once.  Even when the effect is not so exaggerated it can be effective, the third generation Pontiac Grand Prix (1969-1972) the last of the memorable designs to emerge from the golden years of GM’s PMD (Pontiac Motor Division) during the 1960s.  Intended to be evocative of the aspect ratios of machines such as the big Duesenbergs of inter-war years, PMD even purloined the “J” & “SJ” designations although with its apple-green straight-8 engines a Duesenberg really did need a long nose; under the hood of the exclusively V8-powered Grand Prix, there was much empty space.

Sublime to ridiculous 

Modified 1973 Volkswagen 1303 Super Beetle.

Nor was it just manufacturers with a fondness for the style.  In Canada, somebody with the requisite skills decided the “Cheetah look” was what a 1973 Volkswagen Super Beetle really needed and while it’s obvious the body extensively has been modified, the distorted dimensions are deceptive because the (presumably unique) project sits on an unmodified chassis, the wheelbase unchanged.  Unfortunately or not, the opportunity was not taken to install up front a straight-8 or V16, the car still running the modest, rear-mounted, 1.6 litre (97 cubic inch) flat-4 fitted by the factory (ie underneath, it's the same specification as the abortive Karmann Cheetah prototype).  As well as the curved windscreen, the 1303 featured the 1302’s improved front suspension (an enhancement one tester claimed made it faster point-to-point than a 1963 Porsche 356), the design of which allowed the capacity of the frunk to be increased and this one will be more capacious still; given it’s now a two seater, luggage capacity should be adequate although the front bucket seats have been replaced with a full-width bench so three adults could be accommodated, BMIs (body mass index) and a willingness to rub shoulders permitting.  Because it’s on the same wheelbase, any increase in weight should be minimal and the handling (anyway improved by the revised suspension) presumably will be affected (for better or worse) only by the change in weight distribution.  That said, given the thing is now more tail-heavy, the Beetle's inherent tendency to oversteer (somewhat tamed by 1973) might be more apparent but with the power available, even if it behaves something like an early Porsche 930, should a situation drama occur, probably it'll be at a lower speed.

Ridiculous to absurd     

1980 Cadillac Eldorado “Valentino” by the unimaginatively named Conversions Incorporated, a Michigan-based customizing house (left) and 1981 Cadillac Eldorado "Regal Coach" by Florida's International Coach Works Company, a selling point the Rolls-Royceish “flying lady” hood ornament, said to make it a “real head turner” (right).  Heads can of course turn for reasons good and bad.

In the sometimes weird world that was the ecosystem of modified PLCs (personal luxury coupe) in the US of the 1970s and 1980s, the “long nose” style didn't exist in isolation.  It was one of a number of design elements part of the “neo-classical” movement that included also side-exit, flexible exhaust pipes (referencing the often supercharged pre-war machines (a la the Mercedes-Benz SSK but by the 1970s almost always fake), upright chrome-plated grills (Rolls-Royce the preferred inspiration), T-roof assemblies (a modern take on the old sedanca de ville coach-work), fake wire wheels and external spare tyres, the rear one in a "Continental kit" (a look that to this day refuses to die), the fender-mounted pair taking advantage of the eighteen-odd inches (460 mm) spliced between A-pillar and front wheel.  The spares used the space where sometimes sat the external exhaust pipes so it was a choice to be made by customers although some builders just left the expanse of sheet metal, emphasizing the elongation.  For all its foibles, the US is one of the most remarkable nations ever created and, having the the previous quarter century mastered nuclear fission & fusion, produced the Bill Thomas Cheetah and sent a dozen men to walk on the Moon, other Americans turned to doing this to Cadillac Eldorados.  It's a cliché to say "American has the best of everything and the worst of everything" but the phrase endures for good reason.