Croissant

Croissant (pronounced krwah-sahn (French) or kruh-sahnt (barbarians))

A rich, buttery, often crescent-shaped, roll of leavened dough or puff paste.

1899:  From the French croissant (crescent), present participle of the verb croître (to increase, to grow), from the Middle French croistre, from the Old French creistre derived from the Classical Latin crēscēns & crēscentem, present active infinitive of crēscō (I augment), drawn from the Proto-Italic krēskō. The ultimate root was the primitive Indo-European ḱreh (to grow, become bigger).  Correct pronunciation here.  

The Austrian Pastry

Like some other cultural artefacts thought quintessentially French (French fries invented in Belgium; Nicolas Sarkozy (b 1955; French president 2007-2012) from here and there; the Citroën DS (1955-1975) styled by an Italian) the croissant came from elsewhere, its origins Austrian, the Viennese kipferl a crescent-shaped sweet made plain, with nuts or other fillings.  It varies from the French classic in being denser and less flaky, made with softer dough.  First noted in the thirteenth century at which time, it was thought a “sweet” it was another three-hundred years before it came to be regarded as a morning pastry.  Tastes changed as new techniques of baking evolved and around the turn of the seventeenth century, recipes began to appear in Le Pâtissier François using Pâte feuilletée (puff pastry), these being the first recognisably modern croissants.

Culinary histories include a number of (likely apocryphal) tales of why the croissant adopted a crescent shape.  One suggests it was baked first in Buda to celebrate the defeat of the Ummayyad (the Umayyad Caliphate (661–750) was the second of the four major caliphates created after the death of the prophet Muhammad (circa 570-632)) forces by the Franks in the Battle of Tours (732), the shape representing the Islamic crescent moon although more famous is the notion it was designed after the battle of 1683 when the Ottomans were turned back from the gates of Vienna.  A baker, said to have heard the Turks tunneling under the walls of the city as he lit his ovens to bake the morning bread, sounded an alarm, and the defending forces collapsed the tunnel, saving the city.   To celebrate, bread was baked in the shape of the crescent moon of the Turkish flag.

Portrait of Marie Antoinette (1769) oil on canvas by Joseph Ducreux (1735-1802).

The official title of the portrait was Archduchess Maria Antonia of Austria and it was created as the era’s equivalent of a Tinder profile picture, the artist summoned in 1769 to Vienna to paint a pleasing rendering of the young lady the Hapsburg royal court planned to marry off to Louis, Dauphin of France (1754-1973) who would reign as Louis XVI (King of France 1774-1792)).  Tinder profile pictures can be misleading (some pounds and even more years sometimes vanishing) so the work must be considered in that context although she was barely fourteen when she sat so it may be true to the subject.  Ducreux’s portrait was the first glimpse the prince had of his intended bride and it must have been pleasing enough for him metaphorically to "swipe right" and the marriage lasted until the pair were executed with the blade of the guillotine.  As a reward, Ducreux was raised to the nobility as a seigneur de la baronnie (lord of the barony, the grade of of baron granted to roturiers (commoners)) and appointed premier peintre de la reine (First Painter to the Queen), outliving the royal couple.

A more romantic tale attributes the pastry to Marie Antoinette (1755–1793; Queen of France 1774-1792), who, as an Austrian, preferred the food of her homeland to that of the French court and, at state dinners, would sneak away to enjoy pastries and coffee.  There is no documentary evidence for her having re-christened the kipferl as the croissant but the story is she so missed what she knew as kipfel (German for crescent) that she commanded the royal baker to clone the treat.  More prosaic, but actually verified by historical evidence, is that August Zang (1807-1888), a retired Austrian artillery officer founded a Viennese Bakery in Paris in 1839 and most food historians agree he is the one most likely to have introduced the kipfel to France, a pastry that later inspired French bakers to create crescents of their own.  The first mention of the croissant in French is in French chemist Anselme Payen’s (1795-1871) Des Substances alimentaires (1853), published long after Marie-Antoinette’s time in court, the first known printed recipe, using the name, appearing in Swiss chef Joseph Favre’s (1849-1903) Dictionnaire universel de cuisine (1905) although even that was a more dense creation than the puffy thing known today.

Breakfast in Paris.

Although the famous shape is much admired, for purists, the choice is always the un-curved croissant au beurre, (butter croissant), the more eye-catching crescents being usually the ordinaires, made with margarine.  The taste in the English-speaking world for things like ham-and-cheese croissants is regarded by the French as proof of Anglo-Saxon barbarism although they will tolerate a sparse drizzle of chocolate if it’s for children and food critics reluctantly concede the almond croissant (with a frangipane filling, topped with slivered almonds and a dusting of powdered sugar) is “…enjoyed by younger women”.  Generally though, the French stick to the classics, eschewing even butter, a croissant being best enjoyed unadorned and taken with a strong black coffee and while some will insist this should be accompanied with a Gitanes, that is optional.

The cube croissant, an Instagram favorite.

Although much focused upon, the shape of a croissant of course becomes less relevant when eaten when the experience becomes one of taste and texture.  For that reason the pastry used has long attracted those chefs for whom food offers architectural possibilities and while for more than a century one-offs have been created for competition and special event, in recent years the phenomenon of social media has been a design stimulant, Instagram, TikTok et al fuelling a culinary arms race and patisseries have built (sometimes short-lived) product lines in response to viral videos.  Fillings have of course been a feature but it’s the shapes which have been most eye-catching (and by extension click-catching which is the point for the content providers). There have been “croissants” in the shape of spheres, discs, pyramids, spirals, wedges and cubes, the last among the more amusing with chefs referencing objects and concepts such as dice, cubist art and, of course, the Rubik’s Cube.  Many have been just a moment while some have for a while trended.

Dominique Ansel's Cronut, stacked and sliced.

Some have endured for longer such as the Cronut (the portmanteau’s construct being cro(issant) + (dough)nut) and so serious was New York based French pastry chef Dominique Ansel (b 1978) that in 2013 he trademarked his creation.  In the familiar shape of a doughnut, the composition was described as “a croissant-like pastry with a filling of flavored cream and fried in grapeseed oil.”  Interviewed by Murdoch tabloid the New York Post, the chef revealed it took “two months of R&D (research & development)” before the Cronut was perfected and the effort was clearly worthwhile because after being released in his eponymous bakery in Manhattan’s SoHo neighbourhood, the city’s food bloggers (a numerous and competitive population) responded and within days photographs circulated of dozens waiting for opening time, a reaction which prompted the application to the US Patent and Trademark Office.  In the way of such things, around the planet “clones”, “tributes”, “knock-offs”, “imitations”, “rip-offs” (the descriptions as varied as the slight changes in the recipes introduced presumably to fend off a C&D (cease and desist letter)) soon appeared.  Predictably, some were called “Doughssants” (the Germanic eszett a nice touch) although others were less derivative.

New York Post, August 16 2022.

Monsieur Ansel in 2015 released Dominique Ansel: The Secret Recipes, a cookbook which included the Cronut recipe and the thing in its authentic form was clearly for the obsessives, the instructions noting making one or a batch was a three-day process.  In its review of the year, Time magazine nominated the Cronut as one of the “best inventions of 2013”, prompting one cultural commentator (another species which proliferates in New York City) to observe the decadence of the West had reached the point the breakdown of society was close.  There may have been something in the idea the new “Visigoths at the Gates of Rome” were actually pastry chefs because in the wake of the Cronut the city was soon flooded with all sorts of novel sugary treats, mostly elaborations of croissants, doughnuts and, it being NYC, bagels.  By 2022 the New York Post was prepared to proclaim: “Move over cronuts! NYC's hot new baked good is the Suprême”, the defenestrator from Noho’s Lafayette Grand Café and revealed to be a “unique circular croissant filled with pastry crème and topped with ganache and crushed up cookies.”  Again of the Instagram & TikTok age, queues were reported even though at a unit cost of US$8.50 it was two dollars more expensive than a Cronut, the price of which had increased fairly modestly since 2013 when it debuted at US$5.00.

All the recent variations on the croissant are built on the theme chefs have for centuries understood is the easy path to popularity: FSS; add fat, salt & sugar, the substances mankind has for millennia sought.  Once it took much effort (and often some risk) to find these things but now they’re conveniently packaged and widely available at prices which, although subject to political and economic forces, remain by historic standards very cheap.  Often, we don’t even need to seek out the packages because so much of the preparation and distribution of food has been outsourced to specialists, mostly industrial concerns but the artisans persist in niches.  That’s certainly true of the croissant, few making their own whether basic or embellished and one of the latest of the croissant crazes is FSS writ large: the crookie.

Miss Sina's crookie (without added topping or powered sugar).

A crookie is a croissant stuffed with chocolate chip cookie dough and its very existence will be thought particularly shameful by some Parisian purists because it was first sold in December 2023 by the Boulangerie Louvard, located on Rue de Châteaudun in Paris’s 9^th arrondissement which, in an Instragram post announced the arrival: “Our pure butter croissant, awarded the seventh best croissant in the Île-de-France region in 2022, is made every morning with a 24-hour fermented milk sourdough and layered with Charente butter.  For our cookie dough, we use one of the best and purest chocolates in the world, from @xoco.gourmet.”  Offered originally in a test batch to test the market, the boulangerie soon announced “The concept was well received, so we're keeping it.  Available every day in-store!”

Unlike a Cronut which (at least in its pure form) demands three days to make, the charm of the crookie is its elegant simplicity and Instagrammers quickly deconstructed and posted the instructions:

(1) With a serrated knife, cut open a croissant lengthwise, leaving a “hinge” at the back.

(2) Add 2-3 tablespoons of your chocolate chip cookie dough (from a packet or home-made).

(3) Close the two sections of croissant wholly encasing the dough.

(4) When the dough is almost cooked (time will vary according to oven and the volume of dough but it takes only a few minutes), remove from oven.

(5) Add more cookie dough to the top of croissant and return to the oven for final bake.

(6) When the outside is crispy and the centre gooey, remove from oven and top with a dusting of powdered sugar.

Some crookie critics don't recommend either adding the second lashing of dough or the powered sugar because they tend to "overwhelm" the croissant and limit the surface area, thereby denying the dish some of the essential crispiness.  

The croissant in fashion

Louis Vuitton Loop (part number M81098).  Created by Nicolas Ghesquière (b 1971) for the Cruise 2022 Collection, the Loop is described as a "half-moon baguette" and was inspired by the earlier Croissant bag, the original a less fussy design.

Lindsay Lohan in T-shirt with croissant theme.

While a handbag lends itself well to the shape of a crescent, it does inherently limit the efficiency of space utilization but this aspect is often not a primary goal in the upper reaches of the market.  With garments however, although actually a common component because the shape makes all sorts of engineering possible such as the underwire of the bra or other constructions where any sort of cantilever effect is demanded, it’s usually just an element rather than a design motif.  As a playful touch, a distinctive crescent moon or croissant might appear on a T-shirt or scarf but it’s rare to see a whole garment pursue the theme although they have appeared on the catwalks where they attract the usual mix of admiration and derision.   

Sarah Jessica Parker in "croissant dress".

Sometimes though, such things escape the catwalk.  In 2022 the actor Sarah Jessica Parker (b 1965) appeared in HBO's And Just Like That, a spin-off (2021-2022) of the Sex and the City TV series (1998-2024), wearing an orange Valentino couture gown from the house’s spring/summer 2019 collection.  It recalled a large croissant, the piece chosen presumably because the scene was set in Paris although it must have been thought the viewers needed the verisimilitude laid on with a trowel because also prominent was a handbag in the shape of the Eifel Tower.  A gift to the meme-makers, admiration for the dress was restrained.

Doughnut

Doughnut (pronounced doh-nuht)

(1) A small cake (of usually sweetened but sometimes unsweetened dough) deep-fried in fat, typically shaped like a ring or a ball and often filled with jam or cream and sometimes glazed.

(2) In engineering, a variety of objects using this shape ranging from transmission connectors to the reaction vessel of a thermonuclear reactor.

(3) As a descriptor, anything in the shape of a thick ring; an annular object; a toroid.

(4) In (informal) parliamentary jargon, to surround a speaker with other members during the filming of a speech to create the illusion the chamber is crowded and people are interested in what he is saying.

(5) In slang, the vulva and (by extension) a woman's virginity, a derived form being the “doughnut bumper” (a lesbian).

(6) In UK colloquial use, a foolish or stupid person (based on the idea of “nut” being used as slang for the head, filled with dough (a soft, inert substance); such a person said also to be “doughy”.

1809: The construct was dough + nut.  Dough was from the Middle English dow, dogh & dagh, from the Old English dāg, from the Proto-Germanic daigaz (dough), from the primitive Indo-European dheygh (to knead, form, mold).  It was cognate with the Scots daich, dauch & doach (dough), the West Frisian daai (dough), the Dutch deeg (dough), the Low German Deeg (dough), the German Teig (dough), the Norwegian Bokmål deig (dough), the Danish dej (dough), the Swedish deg (dough) and the Icelandic deig (dough).  Nut was from the Middle English nute & note, from the Old English hnutu, from the Proto-West Germanic hnut, from the Proto-Germanic hnuts (nut) (the form may be compared with the West Frisian nút, the Dutch noot, the German Nuss, the Danish nød, the Swedish nöt and the Norwegian nøtt), from the root knu-, seen also in the Proto-Celtic knūs (source of Irish cnó) and the Latin nux (nut).  There are etymologists who, noting the form of the nouns and the restriction of the root to Germanic, Celtic and Italic, argue it may be of non-Indo-European origin.  The adoption to mean “fastening device for a bolt” is conventionally traced to the Old English hnutu (hard-shelled fruit with a seed inside (acorn, chestnut etc), based upon (1) the appearance and (2) an analogy between the hard outer shell of a nut and the protective function of the metal nut in securing a bolt (ie a nut, like its botanical counterpart, encases and protects something (in this case, the threaded end of a bolt).  The use has been documented since the early-fifteenth century and has been used in mechanical and engineering contexts since.  The doughnut was so named because it resembles the shape of a nut.  The alternative spelling is donut, the standard form in North America and the form dough-nut is listed by most sources as archaic or extinct.  Doughnut is a noun & verb and doughnutting & doughnutted are verbs; the noun plural is doughnuts.

Box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts.

The doughnut in the sense of a “small, spongy cake made of dough and fried in lard” seems first to have been identified in 1809 although at that stage it was best described as “a lump” and it’s not clear when the holes became common, the first mention of them apparently in 1861 at which time one writer recorded that in New York City (the old New Amsterdam) they were known also as olycokes (from the Dutch oliekoek (oily cake) and some food guides of the era listed doughnuts and crullers as “types of olycoke”.  The spelling donut was typical of the sensible and pragmatic simplification of spelling in US English and emerged in the mid nineteenth century; the form donnut did not last, the duplicated “n” obviously redundant.  In engineering, the word is widely applied including (1) the reaction vessel of a thermonuclear reactor, (2) a circular life raft, (3) A toroidal vacuum chamber (used in experimental physics), (4) a circular life raft, (5) certain types of aircraft tyres, (6) a spare car tyre smaller than a full-sized tyre and intended only for temporary use.  In idiomatic use, the phrase “bet you a dollar to a donut” fell victim to inflation.  Dating from a time when a donut cost cents, it thus implied odds of something like 20-1.  As used to describe the behaviour in which a car is driven at low speed in circles with the drive wheels spinning, thus leaving a circular track of rubber on the road, the “donut” was first used circa 1981 in the US and it was picked up around the world by males aged 17-25, the donut specialists.

The great Krispy Kreme doughnut heist.

In November 2023, in Sydney, Australia, a Krispy Kreme delivery van loaded with 10,000 freshly fried donuts was stolen from a 7/11 gas station; police established a crime scene and launched an investigation into the incident.  Some two weeks later a 28 year old woman was charged with stealing after the Krispy Kreme van was found abandoned at a nearby car-park in Parramatta.  The donuts were “destroyed”, according to a police spokesman and the authorities later confirmed the suspect would be charged with taking a driving conveyance without the consent of the owner, driving a motor vehicle during a disqualification period and travelling or attempting to travel without a valid ticket.  The woman was refused bail.

A World War II Donut Dolly with rack of domuts.

The dough-boy was something which existed as early as the 1680s but it was something more like a pancake than a donut and doughboys were widely known; because the distinctive buttons on the uniforms worn by soldiers of the American expeditionary forces sent to Europe in 1971 to afforce the Allies in World War I (1914—1918) were the same shape, the soldiers were nicknamed “doughboys”.  Doughnuts were supplied to troops during World War I by a Christian organization, the Salvation Army, which recruited some 250 woman volunteers who settled on the fried items because they could be prepared quickly and cheaply with minimal equipment and required only ingredients which were readily available through most military supply depots.  The doughnuts were originally quite small but, responding to suggestions, the women had a blacksmith fashion a mold for the now now-iconic circular shape with a hole in the centre.  Production at scale soon followed and they were distributed also to civilians; it was at this point, for better and worse, that French society hungrily adopted the doughnut.  During World War II (1939—1945), the system was formalized with the Red Cross taking over the operation and although it was never an official term, the women were popularly known as “donut dollies”, recruited on the basis of (1) being aged 25-35, (2) having a high school diploma, (3) appropriate work experience, (4) good reference letters and (5) “healthy, physically hardy, sociable and attractive”.  By the time of the D-Day landings in Normandy in June 1944, the Red Cross had some hundred British Army buses operating with fully-equipped kitchens and donut-machines provided by the American Donut Company.  The Donuts were served with coffee and the donut dollies were able to supply also those staples of army life: chewing gum and cigarettes.

Rotoflex doughnuts

Totoflex "Doughnut" coupling.

Rotoflex couplings were often used in the 1960s to connect differential output shafts to the rear hubs.  Usually called “rubber doughnut”, they were popular in road cars such as the Triumph GT6 and racing machinery as varied as the Ford GT40 and Lotus 21 because, prior to the availability of suitable constant velocity (CV) joints, there was really no better alternative.  Although subject to wear, usually they worked well but Lotus also used them on the Elan, the rear suspension of which was exceptionally supple rear, providing for significant vertical wheel travel which resulted on the deformation of Rotoflex doughnuts, the phenomenon known as a “wind up”.  While readily detectable by experienced drivers who learned to adjust their clutching technique, it could be disconcerting to those unused to the Elan’s quirks.  In recent years many replacement Rotoflex doughnuts have been manufactured in the Far East and have been of sometimes dubious quality so except for those dedicated to maintaining originality, Many Elans have been converted to use half-shafts built with CV joints.  When in 1971 the Elan was updated with a more powerful engine, the company did experiment with other methods but it was clear the elasticity of the doughnuts was integral to the design and without them the famously precise handling characteristics suffered.  Now however, although they’re expensive, more rigid Rotoflex doughnuts are now available which preserve the precision although at the cost of adding an occasional harshness to the Elan’s exceptionally smooth ride.

Crab Doughnuts: Chiltern Firehouse, London

Chiltern Firehouse Crab Doughnuts Recipe

Ingredients (doughnuts)

540g strong white flour (plus extra to dust)
70g caster sugar
2 tsp Maldon sea salt (plus 1 tbsp to dust)
1 tsp instant yeast
140ml water (room temperature)
4 large free range eggs
Grated zest of 3 un-waxed lemons
130g unsalted butter (thinly sliced and chilled)
500ml sunflower oil (for deep frying, plus extra for greasing)
3 tbsp icing sugar (to dust)
1 tbsp ground cinnamon (to dust)

Ingredients (tomato juice)

10 beef tomatoes (or whatever is the largest variety available)
2 cloves garlic (green germ removed and cloves chopped)
1 shallot (chopped)
¼ red chilli (de-seeded and chopped)
1 tbsp sherry vinegar
1 tbsp fish sauce
Maldon sea salt (to taste)

Ingredients (crab filling)

200g picked white crab meat (from the claws)
2 tbsp tomato juice
2 tbsp crème fraiche
1 tbsp basil leaves (thinly sliced)
2½ tsp freshly squeezed lemon juice
Maldon sea salt (to taste)

Instructions (doughnuts)

(1) Place flour, sugar, salt and yeast in the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with dough hook attachment and mix at slow speed. In separate bowl, combine water, eggs and lemon zest.

(2) Slowly add liquid mixture to flour mixture (with mixer at slow speed) until it forms a dough. Increase the speed and knead for 10-12 minutes, until the dough comes away from sides of bowl and is smooth and elastic.

(3) Reduce speed to slow and add butter, a slice at a time. Once all butter has been incorporated, increase speed, kneading for a further 5-6 minutes (until sough is smooth).

(4) Cover bowl with clingfilm and place it in the fridge for at least 6 hours or overnight, allowing dough to rest and prove slowly. Next day, oil a baking sheet. Roll dough to a 2cm (¾ inch) thickness on a lightly floured work surface and cut out 80 x 30 mm (3 x 1 ¼ inch) circles. Roll each circle into a ball, placing them on oiled baking sheet. Cover and leave to prove for about 2-3 hours.

(5) Fill a deep saucepan or deep-fat fryer with the sunflower oil (it should be about half-full) and place over a medium heat until it reaches 175˚C. (350˚C).  Deep-fry doughnuts, four at a time, for 2-3 minutes, basting them constantly with the oil until golden brown.  To drain, transfer to a plate lined with kitchen paper.

Instructions (tomato juice)

Cut tomatoes in half and squeeze out seeds. Grate the flesh of the tomatoes on the side of a box grater over a bowl. Place grated tomato flesh in the bowl of a food processor with the remaining ingredients and blend until smooth. Transfer the mixture to a muslin cloth and hang cloth over a bowl for 2 hours.

Instructions (crab filling)

Combine all ingredients in a bowl and mix well. Cover and chill until ready to assemble.

Instructions (final assembly)

Cut each doughnut in half and fill it with the chilled crab mixture. Mix the icing sugar in a bowl with the cinnamon and salt, dusting doughnuts with the mix. Serve immediately.  Left-over dough can be cut into 50-60 mm (2-2½ inch) circles and deep-fried until golden brown, then coated in sugar.  They make a quick and indulgent treat.

Parliamentary doughnutting

An improbable Cassandra:  Eric Abetz (b 1958, senator (Liberal Party) for Tasmania) 1994-2022) in the Australian Senate, Monday 26 November 2017, delivering an important speech opposing same-sex marriage, surrounded by his supporters.  This is an example of how "parliamentary doughnutting" would have created a good photo-opportunity.  The tactic is to assemble enough members to create the impression that what is being said (1) matters, (2) is interesting and (3) has some support.

Newmanesque

Newmanesque (pronounced new-min-esk)

The feelings of wonderment, awe, fear and enchantment induced in one when looking to the stars.

1860: From the writings of Cardinal Saint John Henry Newman (1801-1890), the construct being Newman + esque.  The -esque suffix was from the French -esque (-ish, -ic, -esque), from the Italian -esco, from the Latin -iscus, of Germanic origin, from the Lombardic -isc (-ish), from the Proto-West Germanic -isk, from the Proto-Germanic -iskaz (-ish), from the primitive Indo-European -iskos.  It was cognate with the Old High German -isc (from which German gained -isch), the Old English –isċ, the Old Norse –iskr and the Gothic -isks.   It was appended to nouns (particularly proper nouns) to form adjectives in the sense of (1) resembling or tending towards and (2) in the style or manner of.  English picked up the suffix directly as –ish; the -esque suffix technically means a stronger association than -ish or -ite but is often anyway preferred for literary effect.   

Cardinal Saint John Henry Newman (1801-1890).

John Henry Newman was a poet and theologian, first an evangelical Anglican priest (albeit one gradually assuming a higher ecclesiastical tone) who later, despite having once described the Roman church as "…polytheistic, degrading and idolatrous" became a Roman Catholic cardinal.  This appears to have happened because Newman the younger became haunted by the fourth century words of Saint Augustine of Hippo (354–430), Securus judicat orbis terrarum!, usually translated by scholars as “the verdict of the world is conclusive” and by theologians as “wherefore the entire world judges out of security, they are not good who separate themselves from the entire world, in whatever part of the entire world”.

To structuralists, it means “it is good to keep the sinners in our midst if this is the way we may convert them”.  Newman dwelt on this for some time, an indication it’s not good for impressionable souls to read Augustine, Emily Brontë (1818–1848) or Friedrich Nietzsche (1844–1900) at too young an age.  Among the laity, Newman is most remembered for what’s called the newmanesque or the newmanist: the sense of awe wonderment even atheists might feel when gazing at the heavens.  In July 2019, Pope Francis (b 1936; pope since 2013) announced at a Consistory of Cardinals (a formal meeting of the College of Cardinals which a pope can convene at any time and known within the Vatican as “a conspiracy of cardinals”) that Newman would be created a saint and his canonisation was formally announced on 13 October, thus becoming the first English saint since the seventeenth century.  It’s a long process: Newman was proclaimed "Venerable" by the Congregation for the Causes of Saints in 1991 and was beatified in 2010.  Canonisation was the final step.

The Newmanesque; some get it and some don't: Lindsay Lohan (left) and Kim Jong-un (Kim III, b 1982; Supreme Leader of DPRK (North Korea) since 2011) (right).

The Newmanesque: Look back in awe

Hubble Space Telescope Image NGC 6302 (butterfly nebula), 27 July 2009.

Image NGC 6302, commonly called the butterfly nebula, was taken by the Hubble telescope on 27 July 2009.  Something of a celestial Rorschach test card, cosmic reality belies the delicate appearance of this butterfly, those fragile-looking wings actually boiling cauldrons of gas, swirling at some 36,000^o F (20,000^o C) and travelling through space at 600,000 mph (960,000 km/h), fast enough to travel between earth and the moon in little more than twenty minutes.  The butterfly is in our Milky Way galaxy, some 3800 light-years distant in the constellation of Scorpius, the glowing gas the star’s outer layers, expelled over two millennia, the wingspan more than two light-years across.

At the centre lies a dying star once five times the mass of the Sun but, with its envelope of gases ejected, it’s now unleashing the stream of ultraviolet radiation that gives the cast-off material its glow.  The central star can’t be seen because of the surrounding thick belt of dust which constricts its outflow, creating the classic “bipolar” or hourglass shape shared with many planetary nebulae.  The data from Hubble do however allow scientists to construct a picture with the surface temperature estimated to be over 400,000^o F (220,000^o C), making it one of the Milky Way’s hotter stars.  Before losing the extended outer layers, the star had evolved into a red giant, with a diameter a thousand times that of the Sun, some of the cast-off gas creating the doughnut-shaped ring while other gas was ejected perpendicular to the ring at higher speeds, producing the butterfly’s elongated wings.  Later, as the star heated, a faster stellar wind (a stream of charged particles), ploughed through the structure, again modifying the shape.

Flat

Flat (pronounced flat)

(1) Level, even, or without unevenness of surface, as land or tabletops.

(2) Having a shape or appearance not deep or thick.

(3) Deflated; collapsed.

(4) Absolute, downright, or positive; without qualification; without modification or variation.

(5) Without vitality or animation; lifeless; dull.

(6) Prosaic, banal, or insipid.

(7) In artistic criticism, lifeless, not having the illusion of volume or depth or lacking contrast or gradations of tone or colour.

(8) Of paint, without gloss; not shiny; matt.

(9) In musical criticism, not clear, sharp, or ringing, as sound or a voice lacking resonance and variation in pitch; monotonous.

(10) In musical notation, the character ♭ which, when attached to a note or a staff degree, lowers its significance one chromatic half step.

(11) In music, below an intended pitch, as a note; too low (as opposed to sharp).

(12) In English grammar, derived without change in form, as to brush from the noun brush and adverbs that do not add -ly to the adjectival form as fast, cheap, and slow.

(13) In nautical matters, a sail cut with little or no fullness.

(14) A woman’s shoe with a flat heel (pump) or no heel (ballet flat).

(15) In geography, a marsh, shoal, or shallow.

(16) In shipbuilding, a partial deck between two full decks (also called platform).

(17) In construction, broad, flat piece of iron or steel for overlapping and joining two plates at their edges.

(18) In architecture, a straight timber in a frame or other assembly of generally curved timbers.

(19) An iron or steel bar of rectangular cross section.

(20) In textile production, one of a series of laths covered with card clothing, used in conjunction with the cylinder in carding.

(21) In photography, one or more negatives or positives in position to be reproduced.

(22) In printing, a device for holding a negative or positive flat for reproduction by photoengraving.

(23) In horticulture, a shallow, lidless box or tray used for rooting seeds and cuttings and for growing young plants.

(24) In certain forms of football, the area of the field immediately inside of or outside an offensive end, close behind or at the line of scrimmage.

(25) In horse racing, events held on flat tracks (ie without jumps).

(26) An alternative name for a residential apartment or unit (mostly UK, Australia, NZ).

(27) In phonetics, the vowel sound of a as in the usual US or southern British pronunciation of hand, cat, usually represented by the symbol (æ).

(28) In internal combustion engines (ICE), a configuration in which the cylinders are horizontally opposed.

1275–1325: From the Middle English flat from the Old Norse flatr, related to Old High German flaz (flat) and the Old Saxon flat (flat; shallow) and akin to Old English flet.  It was cognate with the Norwegian and Swedish flat and the Danish flad, both from the Proto-Germanic flataz, from Proto-Indo-European pleth (flat); akin to the Saterland Frisian flot (smooth), the German flöz (a geological layer), the Latvian plats and Sanskrit प्रथस् (prathas) (extension).  Source is thought to be the Ancient Greek πλατύς (platús & platys) (flat, broad).  The sense of "prosaic or dull" emerged in the 1570s and was first applied to drink from circa 1600, a meaning extended to musical notes in the 1590s (ie the tone is "lowered").   Flat-out, an adjectival form, was first noted in 1932, apparently a reference to pushing a car’s throttle (accelerator) flat to the floor and thus came to be slang for a vehicle’s top speed.  The US colloquial use as a noun from 1870 meaning "total failure" endures in the sense of “falling flat”.  The notion of a small, residential space, a divided part of a larger structure, dates from 1795–1805; variant of the obsolete Old English flet (floor, house, hall), most suggesting the meaning followed the early practice of sub-dividing buildings within levels.  In this sense, the Old High German flezzi (floor) has been noted and it is perhaps derived from the primitive Indo-European plat (to spread) but the link to flat as part of a building is tenuous.

The Flat Earth

Members of the Flat Earth Society believe the Earth is flat but there's genuine debate within the organisation, some holding the shape is disk-like, others that it's conical but both agree we live on something like the face of a coin.  There are also those in a radical faction suggesting it's actually shaped like a doughnut but this theory is regarded by the flat-earth mainstream as speculative or even "heretical".  Evidence, such as photographs from orbit showing Earth to be a sphere, is dismissed as part of the "round Earth conspiracy" run by NASA and others.

The flat-earther theory is that the Arctic Circle is in the center and the Antarctic is a 150-foot (45m) tall wall of ice around the rim; NASA contractors guard the ice wall so nobody can fall over the edge.  Earth's daily cycle is a product of the sun and moon being 32 mile (51 km) wide spheres travelling in a plane 3,000 miles (4,800 km) above Earth.  The more distant stars are some 3100 miles (5000 km) away and there's also an invisible "anti-moon" which obscures the moon during lunar eclipses.

Lindsay Lohan in Lanvin Classic Garnet ballet flats (Lanvin part-number is FW-BAPBS1-NAPA-A18391), Los Angeles, 2012.  In some markets, these are known as ballet pumps.

Flat Engines

“Flat” engines are so named because the cylinders are horizontally opposed which means traditionally (though not inherently) there are an equal number of cylinders.  It would not be impossible to build a flat engine with an uneven cylinder count but the disadvantages would probably outweigh anything gained and specific efficiencies could anyway be obtained in more conventional ways.  The flat engine configuration can be visualized as a “flattened V” and this concept does have some currency because engineers like to distinguish between the “boxer” and the “180^o V” (also called the “horizontal V”, both forms proving engineers accord the rules of math more respect than those of English).  The boxer is fitted with one crankpin per cylinder while the 180^o V uses one crankpin per pair of horizontally opposed cylinders.

The 180^o V vs the Boxer.

Both engines use a 180^o layout but the boxer gains its name from the manner in which each pair of opposing pistons operate: Those with pairs of pistons which move inwards and outwards at the same time are dubbed “boxers” on the metaphor of the pugilist punching their gloves together before the start of the match whereas those where the strokes vary are merely “flat”.  Apart from engineers, this matters to pedants who enjoy pointing out that while all boxers are flat, not all flats are boxers, a distinction Ferrari to this day are not much concerned about, on the factory website cheerfully referring to the flat-12 introduced in the 365/4 BB variously as a “boxer”, a “flat-12” and a 180^o V12”.  Actually, the story of the BB (1974-1983) is even more amusing because years later the factory would admit the name designation didn’t actually stand for “Berlinetta Boxer” but Bridget Bardot, the engineers developing the thing quite besotted.  There’s also another version of the flat engine and that’s one in which there are two crankshafts (at the far left & right) and no cylinder head; the combustion chamber created in the gap between the two pistons.  The layout offers some advantages and enjoyed limited success in commercial vehicles but never really caught on.

The boxer layout has been in use since 1897 when Carl (also as Karl) Benz (1844–1929) released a twin cylinder version and it was widely emulated although Mercedes-Benz has never returned to the idea while others (notably BMW (motorcycles), Porsche and Subaru) have made variations of the flat configuration a signature feature.  The advantages of the flat form include (1) a lower centre of gravity, (2) reduced long-term wear on the cylinder walls because some oil tends to remain on the surface when not running, meaning instant lubrication upon start-up and (3) reduced height meaning the physical mass sits lower, permitting bodywork more easily to be optimized for aerodynamic efficiency although this can't be pursued to extremes on road cars because there are various rules about the minimum heights of this & that.  The disadvantages include (1) greater width, (2) accessibility (a cross-flow combustion chamber will necessitate the intake or exhaust (usually the latter) plumbing being on the underside, (3) some challenges in providing cooling and (4) the additional weight and complexity (two cylinder heads) compare to an in-line engine (although the same can be said of conventional vees).

Flat out but anti-climatic: The Coventry-Climax flat-16

Flat engines have ranged from the modest (the flat-4 in the long-running Volkswagen Beetle (1939-2003)) to the spectacular (Coventry-Climax and Porsche both building flat-16s although both proved abortive).  The most glorious failure however was the remarkable BRM H16, used to contest the 1966-1967 Formula One (F1) season when the displacement limit was doubled to three litres.  What BRM did was take the 1.5 litre V8 with which they’d won the 1962 F1 driver and constructor championships, flatten it to and 180^o V and join two as a pair, one atop the other.  It was a variation on what Coventry-Climax had done with their 1.5 litre V8 which they flattened and joined to create a conventional flat-16 and the two approaches illustrate the trade-offs which engineers have to assess for merit.  BRM gained a short engine but it was tall which adversely affected the centre of gravity while Coventry-Climax retained a low profile but had to accommodate great length and challenges in cooling.  The Coventry-Climax flat-16 never appeared on the track and the BRM H16 was abandoned although it did win one Grand Prix (albeit when installed in a Lotus chassis).  Unfortunately for those who adore intricacy for its own sake, BRM's plan to build four valve heads never came to fruition so the chance to assess an engine with sixteen cylinders, two crankshafts, eight camshafts, two distributers and 64 valves was never possible.  Truly, that would have been compounding existing errors on a grand scale.  Tellingly perhaps, the F1 titles in 1966-1967 were won using an engine based on one used in the early 1960s by General Motors in road cars (usually in a mild state of tune although there was an unsuccessful foray into turbo-charging) before it was abandoned and sold to Rover to become their long-running aluminium V8.  As raced, it boasted 8 cylinders, one crankshaft, two camshafts, one distributer and 16 valves.  The principle of Occam's Razor (the reductionist philosophic position attributed to English Franciscan friar & theologian William of Ockham (circa 1288–1347) written usually as Entia non sunt multiplicanda praeter necessitatem (Entities must not be multiplied beyond necessity) is essentially: “the simplest solution is usually the best".

The ultimate flats: Napier-Sabre H-24 (left) and BRM H-16 (right).

The H configuration though was sound if one had an appropriate purpose of its application.  What showed every sign of evolving into the most outstanding piston aero-engine of World War II (1939-1945) was the Napier-Sabre H-24 which, with reduced displacement, offered superior power, higher engine speeds and reduced fuel consumption compared with the conventional V12s in use and V16s in development.  The early teething troubles had been overcome and extraordinary power outputs were being obtained in testing but the arrival of the jet age meant the big piston-engined warplanes were relics and development of the H24 was abandoned along with the H-32 planned for used in long-range heavy bombers.

A mastectomy bra with prostheses (left) and with the prostheses inserted in the cups' pockets (centre & right).

For those who elect not to have a reconstruction after the loss of a breast, there are bras with “double-skinned” cups which feature internal “pockets” into which a prosthetic breast form (a prosthesis) can be inserted.  Those who have had a unilateral mastectomy (the surgical removal of one breast) can choose a cup size to match the remaining while those who lost both (a bilateral or double mastectomy) can adopt whatever size they prefer.  There are now even single cup bras for those who have lost one breast but opt not to use a prosthetic, an approach which reflects both an aesthetic choice and a reaction against what is described in the US as the “medical-industrial complex”, the point being that women who have undergone a mastectomy should not be subject to pressure either to use a prosthetic or agree to surgical reconstruction (a lucrative procedure for the industry).  This has now emerged as a form of advocacy called the “going flat” movement which has a focus not only on available fashions but also the need for a protocol under which, if women request an AFC (aesthetic flat closure, a surgical closure (sewing up) in which the “surplus” skin often preserved to accommodate a future reconstructive procedure is removed and the chest rendered essentially “flat”), that is what must be provided.  The medical industry has argued the AFC can preclude a satisfactory cosmetic outcome in reconstruction if a woman “changes her mind” but the movement insists it's an example of how the “informed consent” of women is not being respected.  Essentially, what the “going flat” movement seems to be arguing is the request for an AFC should be understood as an example of the legal principle of VAR (voluntary assumption of risk).  The attitude of surgeons who decline to perform an AFC is described by the movement as the “flat refusal”.