Chocolate

Chocolate (pronounced chok-lit (U) chaw-kuh-lit, chok-uh-lit, chawk-lit)

(1) A preparation of the seeds of cacao, roasted, husked, and ground, often sweetened and flavored, as with vanilla.

(2) A beverage made by dissolving such a preparation in milk or water, served hot or cold.

(3) A sweet (sweetmeat (archaic), lolly or candy) made from such a preparation or an individual piece of this sweet.

(4) In the spectrum of commercially produced or described colors, a moderate to deep brown color.

Circa 1600: From the Mexican Spanish chocolate, from the Nahuatl (Aztecan) chocola-tl (chocolate) or cacahua-tl (chocolate, chocolate bean); the -tl meaning "water".   It’s thought the first element might be related to xocalia (to make something bitter or sour from xococ (sour; bitter)).  It was made with cold water by the Aztecs, whereas the Conquistadors mixed it with hot, hence the suggestion the European forms of the word might have been influenced by Yucatec Maya chocol (hot).  It was brought first to Spain in the 1520s and, predictably, spread quickly to the rest of Europe, gaining great popularity by the seventeenth century thought originally as drink made by dissolving chocolate in milk or water, the solid forms now familiar coming later.  The standardization in spelling must have come later because in an entry in his diary on 24 November 1664, Samuel Pepys noted “To a Coffee-house, to drink jocolatte, very good.”

There are those who contest the orthodox etymology, asserting that the Nahutal words upon which it depends didn’t exist in the language until the mid-eighteenth century.  The dissenters prefer chicolātl, a survivor in several modern Nahuatl dialects, as the original form, the chicol- element referring to the specially shaped wooden stick used to prepare chocolate.

Semi-solid forms were on sale by the 1640s in the form of a paste or cake made of ground, roasted, sweetened cacao seeds, the recognisably modern product, described as “chocolate candy" and later just “chocolate” widely available in the later nineteenth century, “chocolate milk” recorded since 1845.  Chocolate chips became available in pre-made form for the consumer market in 1940, having for some time been supplied in bulk to manufacturers for products such as chocolate chip cookies.  Use to describe a color, a dark reddish-brown, dates from 1771 in the forms “chocolate” and “chocolate-brown”.  The adjectival use in the sense of "made of or flavored with chocolate" is attested from 1723.

Although chocolatey (made of or resembling chocolate) apparently can’t be found in print before 1922 and choclatiness seems not to exist although chocolateness is used in commerce, often by specialised retailers which is a bit more imaginative than the eighteenth century “chocolate dealer” and it spawned variations such as chocorama, and chocology.  Devotees are said to be chocophiles while those who cheerfully admit an addiction are chocoholics.  The specialised occupation of chocolatier (maker of chocolate confections) was noted in French in 1865 and such jobs still exist.

In praise of dark chocolate

Made from cocoa solids, sugar and cocoa butter and without using milk, dark chocolate is rich, the degree of bitterness determined by the percentage of cocoa in the mix.  There’s no exact definition of how much cocoa needs to be present for a chocolate to be defined as dark with products available ranging from 50 to over 90%, the most popular being in the 70 to 80% range.

Nutritional content varies greatly because that’s determined by the quantities of cocoa butter and sugar used.  A 70% mix is a high-fat food, a 20g serving (six small squares in most blocks) contains just over 8g of fat, of which 5g is saturated and it’s high in sugar, with around 6g per 20g serving.  The off-set is that it’s a good source of fibre and protein, with approximately 2g of each per 20g serving.  By comparison, an 85% mix is higher in fat but lower in sugar, the protein and fibre content just a little higher and the salt content is negligible although there are variations with added sea-salt.

Lindsay Lohan slicing her chocolate birthday cake.

Although it should never be a high proportion of any diet, dark chocolate does offer some nutritional benefits, being naturally high in iron, magnesium, copper and manganese.  Iron is important in the production of red blood cells which carry oxygen around the body while copper triggers the release of iron to form haemoglobin, the platform which contains the oxygen.  Magnesium ensures the parathyroid glands work normally to produce hormones important in bone health and helps create and activate enzymes, including those which break down food.

A long known benefit of dark chocolate is as a source of antioxidants and flavanols, helpful in maintaining vascular endothelium function (the cells that line the insides of blood vessels) which reduces the risk of cardiovascular disease.  Because of the density, the concentration of these phytonutrients is actually higher than in blueberries and pomegranates, fruits recommended as sources of antioxidants.  There may also be some neuro-protective effects, offering some protection against Alzheimer’s disease but the research is far from conclusive although there does seem to be a small anti-inflammatory effect which helps those with digestive conditions such as inflammatory bowel syndrome.

However, like the much-quoted, but often misunderstood, findings about the health benefits from drinking red wine, there’s nothing from any research to suggest a heavy consumption of dark or any other chocolate is anything but bad.  All the research seems to say is that if one is going to eat chocolate, dark is preferable and consumption should be no more than 20g (typically six small or two large squares, depending on the cut of the block) no more frequently than daily and only as part of a balanced diet.  As a general principle, the darker the better so a chocolate with 90% cocoa offers more benefits than one with less, remembering the flavored products (orange, caramel, raspberry et al) will be higher in sugar.

Ghirardelli Intense Dark 92% Cacao Chocolate.

Making dark chocolate is a relatively long process.  Cacao beans are picked when ripe, cleaned and left to ferment for two to nine days, using naturally present yeasts or a yeast-based starter, depending on bean and manufacturer.  The beans are then covered by banana leaves or put in wooden sweating boxes, temperature, humidity and aeration all adding to the flavor.  Once fermented, the beans are dried and roasted, using a process not greatly different from that used for coffee, this darkens them to a rich brown, enhancing the depth and complexity of the flavor and aroma.  The roasted beans are winnowed (removing the bean’s outer shell, or hull) and the inner bean (or nibs) are then ground or milled at high pressure to produce the cocoa mass (known also as chocolate liquor) and cocoa butter.

The cocoa mass and cocoa butter are then mixed with sugar, producing a paste for conching (a sequence of rolling, kneading, heating and aerating the mixture under heat until it becomes smooth and creamy).  The longer the conche, the smoother will be the chocolate so some premium products can be conched for a week whereas dark chocolate for cooking or the industrial production of food will be processed for only a few hours.  Once conched, a stabiliser such as soy lecithin is added, along with any additional flavors, such as sea salt or vanilla, after which the mix is tempered, a process in which chocolate is brought slowly to the necessary temperature before being poured into molds.  Once cooled, it’s then in its final form: stable, solid and edible.

Foodies, noting the intensity, suggest Cabernet Sauvignon works best with the darkest of dark chocolate, recommending Grenache, Malbec, Merlot, Tawny Port, Shiraz and Zinfandel for anything with a cocoa content under 75%.

There are many spreadable cheeses and those nutty and dense which combine well with chocolates up to 80%.  For the darkest strains, triple cream or blue cheeses work best but, of course, blue cheese goes with anything.

Winds of change.

The noun xocolatophobia describes the exceedingly rare condition in which a patient displays an irrational or disproportionate fear of chocolate.  There are even product-specific instances of the syndrome, the authoritative PhobiaWiki listing M&Mphobia (also known as Mumuphobia and Moukaimouophobia) while noting "not much is known about this phobia".  There’s little to suggest the mental health community has devoted much attention to M&Mphobia and the condition has never appeared in the American Psychiatric Association’s (APA) Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM).  It’s speculated that M&Mphobia may be linked to the anthropomorphism Mars Wrigley use in their marketing material and perhaps even related to achondroplasiaphobia (fear of little people).  Mars Wrigley appears never to have addressed the issue but in early 2022 did announce a “multi-pronged approach” to "creating a world where everyone feels they belong and society is inclusive", the first innovation a makeover for each of the colorful M&M characters.  The manufacturer indicated the changes were to give each of the six characters a "fresh, modern take" on their traditional look and "more nuanced personalities to underscore the importance of self-expression and power of community through storytelling."

The differences were subtle and many may not notice but the most commented upon was the green M&M trading her signature white go-go boots for a pair of "cool, laid-back sneakers to reflect her effortless confidence".  Brown, the other female M&M probably will also be breathing a sigh of relief because after strutting in stilettos since 1940, she gets a pair of more comfortable kitten-heeled pumps.  Further to empower feminist solidarity, Mars Wrigley confirmed the brown & green M&M’s combative days were over and they’re now card-carrying members of the sisterhood, “together throwing shine and not shade".  The changes were well received by some.  National Public Radio’s (NPR) political correspondent Danielle Kurtzleben (b 1983) seemed pleased the green M&M had been liberated from her white boots (with all that they imply) and discussed social reproduction theory, “how patriarchy and capitalism violently reinforce each other”, and what a sexy female M&M “says about gender as a construct”.

The other M&M characters also received slight adjustments to their personalities, notably the eternally morose orange M&M who, while still hardly ebullient, has learned to "embrace his true self, worries and all".  The orange M&M’s condition should now be considered cognizant of the latest edition of the DSM (DSM-5-TR, March 2022) which introduced the diagnosis of Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD).  Details of all the changes are available on a Q&A page on the Mars Wrigley website and Cathryn Sleight (b 1964, then Chief Growth Officer at Mars Wrigley) issued an explanatory press release:

"M&M’S has long been committed to creating colorful fun for all, and this purpose serves as a more concrete commitment to what we’ve always believed as a brand: that everyone has the right to enjoy moments of happiness, and fun is the most powerful way to help people feel that they belong."

It’s not the first time the characters have been adjusted.  Between 1976-1987 the red M&M was actually banished from the packet in reaction to public disquiet about a synthetic red dye (FD&C Red No 2, also known as amaranth) used in the industrial production of food and linked to cancer in a 1971 Russian study.  Amaranth had been widely used in the US, included in products as diverse as ice-cream and hot dog casings and although tests by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) produced inconclusive results in humans, it was found the dye caused malignant tumors in female rats.  The FDA thus concluded amaranth could not be presumed safe for human consumption and in 1976 issued a ban.  Red M&Ms had never actually been colored using the agent but, aware of the controversy, the red M&M was removed from production, not returning until 1987 by which time the usual amnesia had overtaken the land.

Moist

Moist (pronounced moyst)

(1) Moderately or slightly wet; damp.

(2) Tearful.

(3) Accompanied by or connected with liquid or moisture.

(4) Prevailing high humidity.

(5) In informal (though not infrequent) use (1), of the vagina: sexually lubricated due to sexual arousal & (2) of a woman: sexually aroused, turned on.

(6) In medicine, characterized by the presence of some fluid such as mucus, pus etc; of sounds of internal organs (especially as heard through a stethoscope): characterized by the sound of air bubbling through a fluid.

(7) Historically, in science (including alchemy), pertaining to one of the four essential qualities formerly believed to be present in all things, characterized by wetness; also, having a significant amount of this quality.

1325-1375:  From the Middle English moist & moiste which has the senses of (1) damp, humid, moist, wet, (2) well-irrigated, well-watered, (3) made up of water or other fluids, fluid, (4) figuratively) (of ale), fresh, (5) carnal, lascivious; undisciplined, weak & (6) in alchemy, medicine, physics: dominated by water as an element.  It was from the Anglo-Norman moist, moiste & moste, from the Middle French moiste and the Old French moiste (damp, wet, soaked) & muste (damp, moist, wet (which endures in the thirteenth century modern French moite, perhaps from the Vulgar Latin muscidus (moldy) & mūcidus (slimy, moldy, musty), from mucus (slime).  Doubts have always surrounded the alternative etymology which suggested a link with the Latin musteus (fresh, green, new (literally “like new wine" from mustum (unfermented or partially fermented grape juice or wine, must).  The noun was derived from the adjective.  The noun moisture (diffused and perceptible wetness) dates from the mid-fourteenth century, from the Old French moistour (moisture, dampness, wetness (which endures in the thirteenth century modern French moiteur), from moiste.  The verb moisten (make moist or damp) emerged in the 1570s, from moist, which until the mid-fourteenth century was used as a verb.  Moist is a noun, adjective & (mostly obsolete) verb, moisten is a verb, moistened & moisty are adjectives, moistener is a noun and moistly an adverb; the verb moistify is classified as a jocular creation of Scottish origin.

Making moist look good: Lindsay Lohan, hot and damp in white bikini at the swimming pool, Los Angeles, 2009.

In general use it was from the fourteenth century applied to the tearful or eyes wet with tears, due either to crying, illness or old age; since the mid-twentieth century use in this context has increasing been restricted to literature or poetry, probably because of the influence of the increased lining of the word with the bodily fluids associated with sexual arousal.  As a poetic device, between the fourteen and eighteenth centuries, moist (sometimes as “the coming moist”), was used to suggest impending rain and a gathering storm was “the moist”.  Some older usage guides suggested moist was mostly used for agreeable or neutral conditions (moist chocolate cake; moist garden) while damp was applied to something undesirable (damp clothes; damp carpet) but this seems dated, given the current feelings of linguistic disapprobation.  The synonyms depend for meaning on context and can include (of the eyes) dewy-eyed, misty, teary, weepy, wet, (of the weather) damp, muggy, humid, rainy, & (of the built environment) wet & dank.

The language’s most hated word.

Moist appears to be the most disliked word in the English language.  In 2012 The New Yorker asked its readers to nominate a word to scrub from the English language and an overwhelming consensus emerged to ditch "moist".  Even in surveys where it doesn’t top the disgust list, moist seems always to score high (or low depending on one’s view) and most of the words with which it competes have about them some quality of moistness including pus (a white to yellowish liquid formed on the site of a wound or infection), phlegm (a liquid secreted by mucous membranes), seepage (the slow escape of a liquid or gas through small holes or porous material), splooge (an abrupt discharge of fluid, fester (of a wound or sore that becomes septic; suppurate), mucus (a slippery secretion produced by and covered by mucous membranes), ooze (fluid slowly trickle or seep out of something), putrid (organic matter decaying or rotting and emitting a fetid smell) & curd (a dairy product obtained by curdling milk (or soy).  Others have conducted similar surveys and found other words which attracted little fondness (not all of which literally involved any sort of wetness but had a spelling or pronunciation which seemed to hint at moistness) included festering, lugubrious, smear, squirt, gurgle, fecund, pulp and viscous.  Surprisingly perhaps, "rural" often rates a high disapprobation count, perhaps reflecting the urban bias of surveys (something presumably true of The New Yorker's erudite readership).  

Practitioners of structural linguistics provided another layer of interest, noting some correlation between the offending words and their use of the "phonetically abrasive" letters (“b”, “g”, “m”, “u” & “o”).  That would seem tom make “gumbo” at least a linguistic micro-aggression but it deserves to be defended.  Gumbo is a soup or stew (depending on how it’s prepared) especially popular in Louisiana and made with an intense stock, meat or shellfish, a thickener (historically always okra), and the so-called “holy trinity” of celery, bell peppers and onions; it’s said to be delicious.  The origin of the use of the word gumbo to describe the dish is uncertain but it was first recorded in 1805 as a part of Louisiana French and etymologists conclude it was probably from the Central Bantu dialect.  In the associative way such things work, Gumbo was used also of the creole patois of Louisiana; that use dating from 1838.  A patois is one of the layers of language and while a creole is recognized as a stand-alone language, a patois is considered a variation of a “real” language.  It’s a highly technical aspect of structural linguistics and the mechanics of differentiation used by linguists to distinguish between creoles, patois, and pidgins (many of which remain permanently in flux) are intricate and understood by few, the rules (about which not all agree) including arcane discussions about the situations in which patois is properly capitalized and those in which it’s not.  Less controversial is the use of gumbo in hydrology where it’s used of “fine, silty soils which when wet becomes very thick and heavy” (a use obviously redolent with moistness and thus likely to elicit disgust from delicate types).  For those who wish further to be disgusted, a usually reliable source (Urban Dictionary) has several pages of real-world definitions of gumbo, many of which rate high on the moistness index.   

Researchers from Oberlin College in Ohio and Trinity University in San Antonio ran three different experiments to figure out how many people hate the word "moist" and work out why.  They found more than one person in five loathed moist and it seems people associate it with bodily functions, whether they realize it or not.  The researchers said their subjects’ responses were typified by an answer such as “It just has an ugly sound that makes whatever you’re talking about sound gross”.  The younger (or more neurotic) the study participants were, the more likely they were to dislike the word and the more disgust bodily functions provoked, the less they liked moist.  Still, although the researchers didn’t try to prove it, it’s doubtful many would have declined a slice of a nice, moist chocolate cake.

Moist dark chocolate cake

Using dark chocolate makes for the ultimate moist chocolate cake and it’s ideal to serve with brandy infused cream.  The preparation time is between 30-40 minutes, cooking takes 60-90 minutes and it’s ready to serve as soon as cooled.  This recipe will yield a cake of 12-14 slices.

Ingredients (chocolate cake)

200 g dark chocolate (about 60-75% cocoa solids), chopped
200 g butter, cubed
1 tablespoon instant coffee granules
85 g self-raising flour
85 g plain flour
¼ teaspoon bicarbonate of soda
200 g light muscovado sugar
200 g golden caster sugar
25 g cocoa powder
3 medium eggs
75 ml buttermilk
50 g grated chocolate or 100 g curls, to decorate

Ingredients (ganache)

200 g dark chocolate (about 60% cocoa solids), chopped
300 ml double cream
2 tablespoons golden caster sugar

Instructions

(1) Heat oven to 160C (fan-forced) / 140C (gas level 3).  Butter and line a 300 mm round (75 mm deep) cake tin.

(2) Put 200g chopped dark chocolate in medium pan with 200g butter.

(3) Mix 1 tablespoon instant coffee granules into 125 ml cold water and pour into pan.

(4) Warm over a low heat just until everything is melted (DO NOT overheat). Alternatively, melt in microwave (should take 3-5 minutes), stirring after 2 minutes.

(5) Mix 85 g self-rising flour, 85 g plain flour, ¼ teaspoon bicarbonate of soda, 200 g light muscovado sugar, 200 g golden caster sugar and 25 g cocoa powder; squash mix until lump-free.

(6) Beat 3 medium eggs with 75 ml buttermilk.

(7) Pour melted chocolate mixture and egg mixture into the flour mixture and stir everything to a smooth (quite runny) consistency.

(8) Pour this into tin and bake for 85-90 minutes.  To test, push a skewer into the centre and (1) it should come out clean and (2) the top should feel firm (surface cracking is normal and indicates perfectly cooked).

(9) Leave to cool in tin (during this, it will likely dip a little), then turn out onto a wire rack to cool completely. Cut cold cake horizontally into three.

(10) To make the ganache, put 200 g chopped dark chocolate in a bowl. Pour 300 ml double cream into a pan, add 2 tablespoons golden caster sugar and heat until mix is at the point of boiling.

(11) Immediately remove mix from heat and pour it over the chocolate.  Stir until the chocolate has melted and the mixture is smooth.  Cool until it becomes a little cooler but remains pourable.

(12) Sandwich the layers together with just a little of the ganache. Pour the rest over the cake letting it fall down the sides; smooth over any gaps with a palette knife.

(13) Decorate with 50 g grated chocolate or 100 g chocolate curls. The cake will keep “moist and gooey” for 3-4 days.

Fudge

Fudge (pronounced fuhj)

(1) A soft candy (sweet) made of sugar, butter, milk (or cream), often including chocolate or nuts.

(2) A polite alternative for “fuck” when used as an expletive (sometimes as “Oh, fudge”).

(3) In euphemistic slang, fecal matter; feces.

(4) In printing, a small stereotype or a few lines of specially prepared type, bearing a newspaper bulletin, for replacing a detachable part of a page plate without the need to re-plate the entire page (often called the “fudge box”).

(5) The bulletin thus printed, often in color.

(6) A machine or attachment for printing such a bulletin.

(7) As a Middle English surname, a diminutive of Fulcher.

(8) Nonsense or foolishness; to talk nonsense (often used as an interjection indicating a mild exclamation of annoyance).  To waffle, equivocate or hedge.

(9) Figuratively, light or frothy nonsense.

(10) To cheat.

(11) To fail to fulfil an obligation (often as “fudged” or fudging”).

(12) To avoid coming to grips with a subject, issue etc; to evade or dodge (often as “fudged” or fudging”); an unsatisfactory compromise reached to evade a difficult problem or controversial issue.

(13) To tamper with, falsify or misrepresent something, in order to produce a desired result or allow leeway for error (often as “a bit of a fudge”).  As a method, in engineering & IT, this is sometimes called the “fudge factor” (a quantity introduced to compensate for uncertainty).

Pre 1750: The verb fudge in the sense of “put together clumsily or dishonestly” may have been in use in the seventeenth century and may have been an alteration of the mid-sixteenth century fadge (make suit, fit), a verb of unknown origin.  In the eighteenth century the verb became associated especially with the language of sailors and it appeared often is ships’ logs.  The romantic story of the etymology of fudge coming to mean “lies! nonsense!” is that there was a certain Captain Fudge, infamous for “always bringing home his owners a good cargo of lies” according to a citation dating from 1700 and published in 1791.  Captain Fudge (a la Donald Trump’s later label for Ted Cruz) was known in the commercial shipping trade as “Lying Fudge”, and it may be his name reinforced this form of fadge in the sense of “contrive without the necessary materials”.  The Middle English surname Fudge was from Fuche, a pet form of the masculine proper name Fulcher, from the Germanic and meaning literally “people-army”.  Fudge is a noun & verb, fudger is a noun, fudged is a verb & adjective, fudgelike & fudgy are adjectives and fudging is a verb; the noun plural is fudges.

The use to describe the candy is mysterious but it certainly emerged in the US in the late nineteenth century and it too may have been linked with fadge (to fit), the idea being that the ingredients “merged together”.  Etymologists note that’s wholly speculative but all agree the sweet treat was first so named in women’s colleges in the US, the earliest known reference being from 1895 and other suggestions for the origin of the use in this context includes the idea of the concoction being “insubstantial” or perhaps the early recipes were “fudged” in the sense they were a product of trial and error, based on the long-time use of “fudge” in schools and colleges to mean a “a made-up story”.  That was a sense-development from Captain Fudge’s lies and “fudgy” stories were those especially implausible or “frothy & insubstantial” and the early form of the candy may have been less dense than the modern recipes produce.  No etymologist appears to support the suggestion there was any connection with “fudging” (ie “breaking or bending”) the dormitory rules in women’s colleges.  Fudge in the 1670s was used to mean “clumsily to contrive” and it’s this use which is thought perhaps an expressive variant of fadge (to fit, agree, do) which was akin to the Middle English feien and the Old English fēgan (to fit together, join, bind).  From this ultimately can be traced the modern uses which relate to “nonsense; fakery etc” but there is the suggestion of a link with the provincial French fuche & feuche (an exclamation of contempt from Low German futsch (begone).  Some sources list fudge as a euphemism for "fuck" but it's really a "polite substitution" because it's an alternative not to a description of the sex act but "fuck" as an expletive (thus "oh fudge", "Fudge!" etc).  Some slang dictionaries have listed fudge in that euphemistic sense but there's scant evidence of use.  

Uranus Fudge Factory, 14400 State Hwy Z, St Robert, Missouri 65584, USA.

In idiomatic use, to fudge something is to alter its true state, usually to conceal or misrepresent something inconvenient or to disguise some flaw but “to fudge” is suggestive of something benign rather than anything dishonest.  The fudge is very much the “white lie” of untruths; one might fudge one’s age or height on Tinder (presumably, other stuff may be fudged on Grindr) and touching-up one’s photograph to look a little better is “fudging it”.  Apparently not widely used in the “G” & “B” factions of the LGBTQQIAAOP community, the various uses of the word based on it being euphemistic slang for fecal matter or feces, are all derogatory.  The “fudge tunnel” is the anus, a “fudge packer” a male homosexual who practices anal sex (either as a top or bottom) and during the act once can be said to be “packing fudge”.  The most infamous use of the gay slur came shortly after “closetgate”, controversy which ensued after the 2005 South Park episode Trapped in the Closet, a parody of the Church of Scientology in which the Scientologist film star Tom Cruise (b 1962) refuses to come out of a closet.  Not discouraged by the threat of writs, South Park later featured an episode in which the actor worked in a confectionery factory, as a fudge packer, packing fudge into cardboard cartons.

The BBC’s Dark Chocolate Fudge

Ingredients

300ml whole milk
350g caster sugar
100g unsalted butter
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
100g dark chocolate, chopped
Optional toppings: chopped nuts, toffee pieces, mini chocolate buttons.

Method

(1) Line 180-200 mm (7-8 inch) square tin with greaseproof paper.

(2) Put the milk, sugar and butter in a heavy-based saucepan.  Heat gently, stirring continuously with a wooden spoon, until the sugar has dissolved and the butter has melted (should take about 7 minutes).

(3) Bring to the boil for 15-22 minutes, stirring the whole time.  The mixture will bubble up and when it does, remove from the heat and keep stirring it until it sinks back down. Then return it to the heat, repeating the process if necessary.

(4) Start to take the temperature after about 15 minutes (but continue to stir or the mix will burn on the bottom).  The time it takes to come up to temperature will vary, depending on ambient conditions.  Once it reaches 115^oC (240^oF) as measured by a probe) remove from the heat and stir in the vanilla extract and a generous pinch of sea salt.  Leave the mix to cool for 5 minutes.

(5) Vigorously stir in the chopped chocolate and keep stirring until the chocolate has melted (initially it will split but keep stirring and it will come back together).  Quickly pour the mixture into the prepared tin, leaving it to set at room temperature.

(6) When the fudge has cooled to the point of being warm (rather than hot), the optional toppings (nuts, toffees, mini chocolate buttons et al) may carefully be place or scattered according to preference; gently press into the fudge until they stick.  The reason this can’t be done while the fudge is hot is the toppings will be prone to melting.  Once set, cut the fudge into small pieces and store in a sealed container.

Dark chocolate fudge (left) and Mamie Eisenhower's Chocolate Fudge (Million Dollar Fudge) (right). 

For those who prefer something sweeter, the classic choice is Mamie Eisenhower's (1896-1979) Chocolate Fudge, the recipe made famous by the First Lady of Dwight Eisenhower (1890-1969; US president 1953-1961).  One of the few things about which Republicans and Democrats now agree is the creamy and sweet concoction is a fine thing and the recipe has a long history in the US as “Million Dollar Fudge” although despite the connotations in that, it’s attraction was it was quick and easy to prepare and the ingredients were readily available in any corner store in the country.

Getting fudged: Lindsay Lohan before (left) and after (right) the application of fudge.  Such results are not possible with all hair types but this does illustrate what fudge can achieve. 

Hair styling products (collectively called “product”) like fudge, wax, mousse, and gel are all used as a final finish to a hairstyle but serve different purposes, providing various levels of texture, hold and shine and the choice of which to use is dictated by the critical variables of hair length, thickness and the effect desired.  Fudge is thick & creamy to ensure a strong hold is achieved and it’s noted for providing a matte finish.  Fudge is ideal for defined, structured styles which need to remain in place and can work with short hair to achieve a look which is severe without being too spiky.  For the spiky look, the product of choice is either wax or gel.  Wax is thick and sticky product and can be hard to work with but does offer a medium to strong hold and (if properly applied), a natural finish.  Wax has the advantage of being versatile and can be used for a wide range of styles and is the best product for creating texture and separation in short to medium-length hair, especially if a textured, tousled look is desired; many hairdressers will use only wax when creating a JBF.  Gel is a thick, viscous substance which is the go-to product fort slicked-back or spiky styles where the need is for sleek, polished or wet-look hair which needs the maximum hold and control.  If someone’s hair looks like a helmet, that look has probably been attained with gel.  Mousse is different.  It’s lightweight, foamy and essentially allows a framework to be built-into the hair, adding volume although it provides only a light to medium hold and can’t withstand threats like strong breezes.  Mousse is good at adding body and bounce and, if well done, the increase in functional volume can be extraordinary and the dramatic styles applied to some models for static photo-shoots are usually mousse-heavy and despite the appearance, mousse usually leaves a soft, touchable finish.

Lava

Lava (pronounced lah-vuh or lav-uh)

(1) The molten, fluid rock that issues from a volcano or volcanic vent (sometimes accumulating (occasionally permanently) in a volcano’s “lava lake”.

(2) The rock formed when this solidifies, occurring in many varieties differing greatly in structure and constitution.

(3) In fashion, as “lava dress” (sometimes volcano dress), a long, flowing gown, classically in orange and black fabric, styled to recall a vertiginous lava flow.

(4) A shade of red which tends to orange, recalling the color of red-hot, molten lava.

(5) As Lava Lamp, the trademarked name of a electric decorative lamp made of a transparent, (usually tapered) cylinder containing a liquid in which a colored wax (or wax-like substance) is stimulated by the heat of the light bulb to change into randomly separating, seemingly luminous shapes which constantly rise and descend.

1740–1750: From the Italian lava (molten rock issuing from a volcano), from the Neapolitan or Calabrian dialectal lava (avalanche, torrent or stream; downpour overflowing the streets).  The original use in Italian was to describe flash flood rivulets after downpours and only later to the streams of molten rock from Mount Vesuvius.  The once commonly supposed link with the Latin lavāre (to wash) (from the primitive Indo-European root leue- (to wash) was based on the idea of “a liquid flowing” but is now thought one of those creations of the medieval imagination and it’s just as unlikely there’s was any relationship with the Arabic لابة‎ (lāba) (black volcanic rock).  Lava is also wholly unrelated to larva (an early stage of growth for some insects and amphibians) which was from the Latin larva (ghost-like, masked) which may have been from the Etruscan Lār (Etruscan praenomen; titulary god) which appeared usually as Lares (guardian deities).  The alternative etymology is from the Latin labes (sliding down, falling), which influenced lābī (to slide, fall or slip) (a labina an “avalanche or landslide”).  The only adjective in modern use is lavalike (or lava-like).  The old adjectives lavatic (1805), lavic (1822) & laval (1883) all fell into disuse by the twentieth century (although their occasional revival in the technical literature would not be unsurprising) and lavaesque seems never to have been coined.  The palindromic Laval did endure in France as both a locality name and surname and is remembered because of Pierre Laval (1883–1945), Prime Minister of France 1931-1932, 1935-1936 & de facto prime minister in the Vichy Government 1942-1944.  He was executed by a French firing squad in 1945.  Lava is a noun and the obsolete lavatic, lavic & lavalike were adjectives; the noun plural is lavas.

Lindsay Lohan in Pucci triangle lava-print bikini, The Bahamas, May 2007.

The terms lava and magma (from the Ancient Greek μάγμα (mágma) (paste)) are sometimes used interchangeably but to geologists and volcanologists the distinction is that Magma is molten rock which exists beneath a planet’s surface and become lava only when it flows from a volcano or volcanic vent.  Magma thus does not always become lava, sometimes cooling and solidifying as rock beneath the surface and sometimes collecting in a magma chamber.  A magma chamber differs from a lava lake in that the pleasingly alliterative latter describes the (usually large) large pool of molten lava that forms in a volcanic crater (although volcanologists do use the term also of lava which “sticks” to a volcano’s surface and doesn’t flow further.  They also in some cases call the extrusive igneous rock formed when it hardens and cools “lava” although this is not in general use, laypeople associating both “magma” and “lava” with the material in its molten state.

Lava lake, Mount Erebus, Antarctica.  Some 60 m (200 feet) in diameter, it sits within a small pit crater within the post-caldera summit and is phonolite in composition.  It may or may not remain a permanent feature.

The rock formations created by cooled magma at Mount Erebus proved especially interesting to those researching the history of the Earth’s magnetic field.  Geophysicist Dr Catherine Constable (b 1958) was studying the data used to refine a model explaining the mechanism of the earth’s occasional magnetic field reverses (from the familiar north & south polarity to the reverse where they swap) and found lava to be a substance keeping a perfect recorder of the field.  All magmas contain enough iron-rich minerals to detect the field and these align themselves toward the field as the lava freezes. As a result, the magnetic field at that moment is recorded: set in time and set in stone.  Over geological time, quite what the frequency (or the rapidity) of the shift isn’t clear and while studies suggest historically there’s be a swap every few hundred thousand years, it’s been almost a million years since the last so while one “might” be (over)due, Dr Constable says there’s no available evidence one is in progress or even immanent.

Catriona Gray (b 1994; Miss Universe 2018) in lava dress by Filipino designer Mak Tumang which used a image of lava flowing down the portrait of the Mayon Volcano rendered, in Swarovski crystals, Bangkok’s Impact Arena, Thailand, December 2018 (left) and lava flow on Tungurahua volcano, Huambalo, Ecuador (right).

Catriona Gray on the catwalk, lava flowing.

Lava cup-cakes

Lava cakes can pay tributes to volcanologists in different ways.  They can feature a magna chamber which, upon slicing can feed a lava flow or they can formed with an exposed crater in which sits a lava lake.  Professional chefs can produce the effects with room-temperature “lava” but usually these are for display and the cakes work best with hot, melted chocolate and obsessives use a variety of ingredients (peanut butter, raspberries, orange colored icing et al) to attempt to emulate the variegated colors of the real stuff.  They work best with dark chocolate but sweeter types can be used (or a blend).  Lava cakes can be made at larger scales but the laws of physics (both thermal and structural) mean full-sized constructions can be challenging (and messy) so most produce lava cup-cakes.  Because, in a sense, lava cakes are a kind of civil engineering, some very complex recipes have been created but the following will make 6-8 cup-cakes (depending on the size of the muffin tins) and it has the virtue of simplicity:

Ingredients

4 tablespoons of unsalted butter at room temperature (plus some with which to grease the muffin tray).

A third of a cup of granulated sugar (plus some to sprinkle in the muffin tray).

3 large eggs.

A third of a cup of all-purpose flour.

A quarter teaspoon of salt.

8 ounces of dark chocolate, melted (for best results, delay the melt process until ready to blend (step (8) below).

6-8 squares (from the standard blocks) of dark chocolate.

Icing (confectioners') sugar, for dusting.

Whipped cream or ice cream, for serving (optional).

Fruit for serving (optional and most choose a red or orange variety).

Instructions

(1) Preheat oven to 400°F (205°C).

(2) Grease the cups of muffin tray with butter, ensuring the coasting is light and consistent.

(3) Sprinkle some granulated sugar over the muffin tray and ensure each has buttered cup has a consistent coating.  Shake off any excess grains.

(4) Spoon some granulated sugar into each cup, swirling to make sure the cup is completely lined.

(5) Blend the butter and granulated sugar until the mix is creamy.

(6) To this mix, as the eggs, one at a time, blending them in after each addition.

(7) To this mix, beat in flour and salt (on a low speed) until combined.

(8) To this mix, add the molten chocolate, and beat until combined.  Don’t be off-put if the mix seems either more or less viscous that you might expect.

(9) Pour mix into the greased cups. Fill only to half-way.

(10) In the centre of each cup, place one of the chocolate squares.

(11) Add the remaining mix to each cup but, because the mix will expand, don’t fill higher than three-quarters.

(12) Put tray into the heated oven, baking until the middle of the cakes no longer jiggle (should be no more than 8-12 minutes and if left too long, they’ll cease to be lava cup-cakes and become chocolate cup-cakes).  Because there’s some risk of spillage, place baking paper underneath the tray.

(13) Remove tray from oven and allow it to sit for 7-8 minutes.

(14) Up turn tray on a plate or other suitable flat surface and remove cup-cakes so the conical aspect resembles volcano.

(15) Dust with the icing (confectioner's) sugar and serve with vanilla ice cream or whipped cream, adding some sort of fruit if desired.  Upon being sliced, the magma should ooze out, lava-like.

The Lava Lamp

The decorative lava lamp was invented in 1963 by Edward Craven Walker (1918-2000), a Word War II (1939-1945) RAF pilot who was inspired by a rigged-up egg-timer he saw in a pub, the device made with oil and water in a bottle.  Oil and water being two immiscible (unable to mix) fluids, the time worked by shaking the bottle, the egg deemed to be ready when the resulting blobs of oil had re-coagulated.  Knowing the world was well-supplied with cheap, reliable egg-timers, Craven saw little point in “making a better mousetrap” but he found the behavior of the blobs a pleasing piece of art and in his garage experimented with different fluids until he found a pleasing combination which produced just the effect he’d envisaged.  The characteristic shape of the lamp came about because the one seen in the pub used a standard cocktail shaker and the container in which Craven undertook his early research was an orange-squash bottle which was made in a similar shape; it proved ideal.  They work by the heat-soak from the incandescent light-bulb heating up the blobs, lowering both their density and the liquid's surface tension.  As the warmed blobs rise, they cool, lose buoyancy thus descend to the base where a wire with an active current breaks their surface tension, inducing re-coagulation.

Although associated with psychedelia, as well as lurid colors (the range expanded since the introduction of LEDs), lava lamps with plain black blobs in clear fluid are available.

The first lava lamp patent (Lava Lamp is a registered trademark in some jurisdictions) was applied for in 1963 and they were first displayed in 1965.  Very popular in the early-mid 1970s, by the 1980s the fad had passed, not because of the popular association of them with stoners imagined sitting staring at one for hours while the Grateful Dead played on the turntable, endlessly on repeat but because they’d come to be thought of as plastic kitsch.  However, they never quite went away and while there are spikes in demand (associated usually with some appearance in some prominent piece of popular culture), there is clearly a constant demand for those who just like the look while others furnish according to retro schemes or like the odd ironic piece among their conspicuous good taste.

Soda

Soda (pronounced soh-duh)

(1) In science and industry, a common verbal shorthand for various simple inorganic compounds of sodium (sodium carbonate (washing soda), sodium bicarbonate (baking soda), and sodium hydroxide (caustic soda) et al).

(2) A common clipping of soda water.

(3) A fizzy drink made with carbonated water (water impregnated with pressurized carbon dioxide, originally made with sodium bicarbonate), flavoring (such as fruit or other syrups) and often ice cream, milk etc (once exclusively North American use, now more common); technically, a shortening of soda-pop.

(4) In the game of faro, the top card in the pack, discarded at the start, the game played with 51 cards.

(5) In Australian slang, something easily done (obsolete).

1490s:  From the Italian sida (sodium carbonate; an alkaline substance extracted from certain ashes), from the Medieval Latin soda (a kind of saltwort (sodanum barilla; a plant burned to obtain a type of sodium carbonate)) of uncertain origin.  It was once thought to have been from the Arabic suwwādah (a similar type of plant) but this is now discounted by most but may be from the Catalan sosa, first noted in the late thirteenth century.  There is also the speculative suggestion there may be some connection with the Medieval Latin sodanum (a headache remedy), ultimately from the Arabic suda (splitting headache).

Soda is found naturally in alkaline lakes, in deposits where such lakes have dried, and from ash produced by burning various plants close to sources of salt-water.  It was one of the most traded commodities in the medieval Mediterranean and manufacture of it at industrial scale began in France in the late eighteenth century and the smaller operations gradually closed as transportation links improved.  .  The metallic alkaline element sodium was named in 1807 by English chemist Humphry Davy (1778-1829), so called because the element was isolated from caustic soda (sodium hydroxide); the chemical symbol Na is from natrium, the alternative name for the element proposed by Swedish chemist Jöns Jacob Berzelius (1779–1848) from natron (a naturally occurring mixture of sodium carbonate decahydrate (Na₂CO₃·10H₂O).

A "soda spiral".

The soda-cracker, first sold in 1863, has baking soda as an ingredient.  Although modern, commercially bottled soda water now rarely contains soda (in any form), the name is a hangover from 1802 when “soda water” was first used to describe water into which carbonic acid had been forced under pressure, the meaning “"carbonated water" dating from 1834.  In the mid-nineteenth century, it became popular to flavor soda water with various sweetened concoctions (typically fruits rendered with sugar syrup) and after 1863 these were often called soda pop, the clipping “soda” (flavored, sweetened soda water) the most common use of the word in North America (it quickly supplanted “pop”, one of the occasions where a two-syllable slang was preferred over a shorter form).  The soda fountain dates from 1824 and originally described a counter in a shop at which sodas, ice-creams etc were prepared and served; later it was used of the self-serve machines which dispensed fizzy drinks at the push of a button.  Someone employed to run such a counter was described first (1883) as soda-jerker, the slang clipped to soda-jerk in 1915.  The colloquial pronunciation sody was noted in US Midwestern use at the turn of the twentieth century.  Synonyms for the drink includes: carbonated drink, fizzy drink, fizz (UK), (fizzy) pop (Northern US, Canada), soda pop (US), soft drink, lemonade and (the colloquial) thirst-buster.

The extraordinary range of derived terms (technical & commercial) includes: soda glass, Club Soda, cream soda, Creaming Soda, ice-cream soda, muriate of soda, nitrate of soda, soda-acid, soda ash, soda biscuit, soda cracker, soda bread, soda cellulose, soda counter, soda fountain, sodaic, soda jerk, soda jerker, soda lake, soda-lime glass, sodalite, soda lye, sodamide, soda niter, soda nitre, diet soda, soda paper, soda pop, lite soda, soda prairie, ginger soda, soda process, soda pulp, soda siphon, Soda Springs, soda waste, soda water, sodium, sulfate of soda, sulphate of soda, sulfite of soda, sulphite of soda, washing soda, baking soda & caustic soda.

The Soda Geyser Car.

For girls and boys who wish to explore the possibilities offered by the chemical reaction between soda and Mentos®, the Soda Geyser Car is available for US$22.95, offering both amusement and over a dozen experiments with which to demonstrate Newton's laws of motion.  In its default configuration it will travel over 200' (60 m) (the warning label cautioning it's not suitable for those aged under three and that it may upset pet cats etc) but for those who want more, it's possible to concoct more potent fuels, a recipe for the ominous sounding “Depth Charger” included.  Tinkerers can adapt this technology to experiment with their own rockets and the kit includes:

Mentos® Soda Car
Turbo Geyser Tube.
Roll of Mentos®
2 Liter Bottle.
Inflation Needle.
Nose Cone.
Geyser Rocker Car Frame.
Flagpole.
Decals.
Velcro Straps.
Experiment and activity guide.

Dirty Soda

The Doctrine and Covenants (the D&C (1835) and usually referred to as the Word of Wisdom) is the scriptural canon of the Church of the Latter Day Saints (the Mormons), section 89 of which provides dietary guidelines which prohibit, inter-alia, the consumption of alcohol, tobacco, and hot drinks (ie tea & coffee).  This index of forbidden food accounts not only for why noted Mormon Mitt Romney usually looks so miserable but also why manufacturers of chocolate, candy & soda have long found Utah a receptive and lucrative market; other than joyful singing, the sugary treats are among their few orally enjoyed pleasures.

It therefore surprised few that it was between two Utah-based operations that law suits were exchanged over which owned the right to sell “dirty sodas”.  Mormons aren’t allowed to do anything “dirty” (though it's rumored some do) so the stakes obviously were high, a dirty soda as close to sinfulness as a reading of the D&C will seem to permit.  A dirty soda is a soda flavored with “spikes” of cream, milk, fruit purees or syrups and is a kind of alcohol-free mocktail and the soda shops Sodalicious and Swig had both been active promoters of the sugary concept which has proven increasingly profitable.

Mitt Romney (b 1947; Republican nominee in the 2012 US presidential election, US senator (Republican-Utah) since 2019), buying 12-packs of Caffeine Free Diet Coke and Wild Cherry Diet Pepsi, Hunter's Shop and Save, Wolfeboro, New Hampshire, August 2012.  Mitt knows how to have a good time.

In documents filed in court in 2015, Swig had accused Sodalicious of copying their trademarked “dirty” idea, even replicating the frosted sugar cookies sold alongside the spiked drinks.  Both shops had become well-known for their soda mixology, Swig’s concoctions including the Tiny Turtle (Sprite spiked with green apple and banana flavors) and the company sought damages and a restraining order, preventing Sodalicious from using descriptions or signage with any similarity to Swig’s.  Sodalicious counter-sued, claiming “dirty” is a longtime moniker for martinis and other cocktails, noting the product differentiation in their names for dirty sodas such as “The Second Wife” (a daring allusion to the polygamous past of the Mormons) and the “The Rocky Mountain High”, made by adding cherry and coconut added to Coca-Cola.  The case concluded with an out-of-court settlement, neither side seeking costs and no details of the terms were revealed.

Long time Pepsi consumer, Lindsay Lohan.

In December 2022, as a holiday season promotion, the Pepsi Corporation teamed with Lindsay Lohan to promote Pilk.  A Pilk is a mix of Pepsi Cola and milk, one of a class of dirty sodas created by PepsiCo which includes the Naughty & Ice, the Chocolate Extreme, the Cherry on Top, the Snow Float and the Nutty Cracker.  All are intended to be served with cookies (biscuits) and although Ms Lohan confessed to being “…a bit skeptical when I first heard of this pairing”, she was quickly converted, noting that “…after my first sip I was amazed at how delicious it was, so I’m very excited for the rest of the world to try it.”  Tied in nicely with her current Netflix movie “Falling for Christmas”, the promotional clip explores the pilk as a modern take on the traditional milk & cookies left in thanks for Santa Claus and the opportunity to don the Santa outfit from Mean Girls (2004) wasn’t missed, the piece concluding with the line : “This is one dirty soda Santa”.

Santa Redux: A Mean Girls moment celebrated with a pilk, PepsiCo dirty soda promotion, 2022.   

PepsiCo provided other dirty soda recipes:

(1) The Naughty & Ice: For a pure milk taste that's infused with notes of vanilla, measure and combine 1 cup of whole milk, 1 tbsp of heavy cream and 1 tbsp of vanilla creamer.  From there, pour the mixture slowly into 1 cup of Pepsi – the brand's hero product – and consume it alongside a chocolate chip cookie.

(2) The Chocolate Extreme: Blend 1/3 cup of chocolate milk and 2 tbsp of chocolate creamer together, transfer the mixture to 1 cup of smooth & creamy Pepsi Nitro to enjoy the richness of the flavor atop of a frothy foam head.  This "Pilk" will satisfy the chocoholic in you, especially by pairing it with a double chocolate cookie.

(3) The Cherry on Top: A hint of cherry always sweetens the deal.  Combine ½ cup of 2% milk, 2 tbsp of heavy cream and 2 tbsp of caramel creamer.  To bring the complex flavors to life, place the mixture into 1 cup of Pepsi Wild Cherry while pairing the drink with a gingerbread cookie.

(4) The Snow Fl(oat): An oatmeal-based cookie loaded with raisins is sure to complement an oat milk "Pilk".  Start by taking ½ cup of oat milk and adding 4 tbsp of caramel creamer.  Then, slowly pour the sweet mixture into a glass filled with 1 cup of Pepsi Zero Sugar.

(5) The Nutty Cracker: Combine ½ cup of almond milk and 4 tbsp of coconut creamer and place the mixture atop a pool of smooth & creamy Nitro Pepsi Vanilla.  For true richness, pair with a coated peanut butter cookie.

Historically, PepsiCo’s advertising always embraced diversity, depicting blondes, brunettes and redheads.  As long as they were slender.

PepsiCo dirty soda promotion, 2022.

7up advertising from the 1950s.

The idea of combining milk and soft-drinks has a history in the US and it may have been a cultural practice although given there seems nothing to suggest it ever appeared in depictions of popular culture, it may have been something regional or occasionally faddish.  The 7up corporation in the 1950s used advertising which recommended adding the non-carbonated drink to milk as a way of inducing children who "won't drink milk" to up their dairy intake.  The reference in the copy to "mothers know" does suggest the idea may have been picked up from actual practice and although today nutritionists and dentists might not endorse the approach, there are doubtless other adulterations of milk which are worse still for children to take.