Doughnut

Doughnut (pronounced doh-nuht)

(1) A deep-fried piece of dough or batter, usually mixed with various sweeteners and flavors, often made in a toroidal or ellipsoidal shape flattened sphere shape filled with jelly/jam, custard or cream and sometimes glazed.

(2) In engineering, a variety of objects using this shape ranging from transmission connectors to the reaction vessel of a thermonuclear reactor.

(3) In physics, a toroidal vacuum chamber.

(4) As a descriptor, anything in the shape of a torus (thick ring); an annular object; a toroid.

(5) In (informal) parliamentary jargon, to surround a speaker with other members during the filming of a speech to create the illusion the chamber is crowded and people are interested in what he is saying.

(6) In slang, the vulva and (by extension) a woman's virginity, a derived form being the “doughnut bumper” (a lesbian).

(7) In UK colloquial use, a foolish or stupid person (based on the idea of “nut” being used as slang for the head, filled with dough (a soft, inert substance); Now rare except as a regionalism although the companion “a bit doughy” (ie "a bit dense") endures.

(8) In admiralty slang, a circular life raft. 

(9) In the slang of musicians, a whole note.

(10) In automotive use, a "peel-out" or skid mark in the shape of a circle; a 360-degree skid created with deliberately excessive wheelspin, also associated with the "burn out".  The term is most used in the US, Canada, New Zealand and Australia and in the latter it's most associated with (though not restricted to) "bogan culture".  Behavioral zoologists have noted the striking similarity between the tyre marks left on the road and the way some animals urinate to "mark their territory" but this may be drawing a long anthropological bow.

(11) In automotive use, a spare car tyre, smaller than a full-sized tyre and intended only for temporary use.

(12) In aviation, a type of tyre for an airplane with a rounded tread profile and a high sidewall which interacts (as a shock absorber) with the landing gear's hydraulics.

(13) In rehabilitative medicine. a toroidal cushion typically used by hemorrhoid  (piles) patients.  

(14) In hair styling, a shaper around which hair tightly can be bound.

(15) In vulgar slang, the vulva; by extension, a woman's virginity. 

(16) In the vulgar slang of the male gay community, a "puffy" anus with the outward shape of a donut (though it can be applied generally to any anus); the companion term is "donut hole".

1809: The construct was dough + nut.  Dough was from the Middle English dow, dogh & dagh, from the Old English dāg, from the Proto-Germanic daigaz (dough), from the primitive Indo-European dheygh (to knead, form, mold).  It was cognate with the Scots daich, dauch & doach (dough), the West Frisian daai (dough), the Dutch deeg (dough), the Low German Deeg (dough), the German Teig (dough), the Norwegian Bokmål deig (dough), the Danish dej (dough), the Swedish deg (dough) and the Icelandic deig (dough).  Nut was from the Middle English nute & note, from the Old English hnutu, from the Proto-West Germanic hnut, from the Proto-Germanic hnuts (nut) (the form may be compared with the West Frisian nút, the Dutch noot, the German Nuss, the Danish nød, the Swedish nöt and the Norwegian nøtt), from the root knu-, seen also in the Proto-Celtic knūs (source of Irish cnó) and the Latin nux (nut).  There are etymologists who, noting the form of the nouns and the restriction of the root to Germanic, Celtic and Italic, argue it may be of non-Indo-European origin.  The adoption to mean “fastening device for a bolt” is conventionally traced to the Old English hnutu (hard-shelled fruit with a seed inside (acorn, chestnut etc), based upon (1) the appearance and (2) an analogy between the hard outer shell of a nut and the protective function of the metal nut in securing a bolt (ie a nut, like its botanical counterpart, encases and protects something (in this case, the threaded end of a bolt).  The use has been documented since the early-fifteenth century and has been used in mechanical and engineering contexts since.  Doughnut is a noun & verb and doughnutting & doughnutted are verbs; the noun plural is doughnuts.

Etymologists note the spelling “donut” was not unknown in the first half of the twentieth century but was rare.  The event which seemed to have triggered the widespread adoption was the “quick service” restaurant Open Kettle (founded in Boston, Massachusetts in 1948) in 1950 changing its name to Dunkin' Donuts and, as a franchise operation, Dunkin' Donuts spread nationwide so along with the classic FSS (fat, salt & sugar) product came linguistic change, an example of the haphazard way English evolves.  Curiously, although Dunkin' Donuts Australia sites were by 2009 shuttered (after a two-decade run), the linguistic legacy endures and “donut” & “doughnut” peacefully co-exist whereas in the dozen-odd other countries where Dunkin' Donuts retains a presence, the latter is said to remain the mainstream spelling.

In all markets, Krispy Kreme continues to use “doughnut”, the company founded in North Carolina in 1937 at a time when the spelling was (almost) uncontested.  The first known evidence of the word “doughnut” appearing in print was in 1809 in Washington Irving’s (1783–1859) Knickerbocker’s History of New York and to refer to fried dough balls (ie literally “nuts of dough”) as “doughnuts” was etymologically and descriptively sound because, being then usually round with no hole and often stuffed with nuts or fruit preserves, the allusion was to nuts in the sense of the edible kernels from plants, not the fastener used with a bolt.  The brand-name Dunkin’ Donuts reflects the trend in mid-twentieth US commerce to simplify spellings (in the spirit of the sensible American rationalizations such as catalog vs catalogue, color vs colour etc) to make them “catchier” as well as obviously “modern” (nite vs night, thru vs through etc).  Being shorter, “donut” worked better on logos and signage and was very much part of the post-war zeitgeist of speed, efficiency & convenience.  Krispy Kreme never shifted their branding because the traditional spelling was thought to impart a sense of “authenticity and heritage” which tied in with the deliberately old-fashioned themes used in the stores fit-out; nostalgia as a commodity.  Most major prescriptive dictionaries continue to “doughnut” as the primary spelling, with “donut” as a variant, the popularity of the latter noted as a linguistic phenomenon in North America, Australia and on-line.

Box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts.

What Washington Irving mentioned in 1809 (the “small, spongy cake made of dough and fried in lard”) was probably best described as “a lump” because there seems to be no suggestion the size and exact shape of the things were in any way standardized beyond being vaguely roundish.  It’s not clear when the holes became common, the first mention of them apparently in 1861 at which time one writer recorded that in New York City (the old New Amsterdam) they were known also as olycokes (from the Dutch oliekoek (oily cake) and some food guides of the era listed doughnuts and crullers as “types of olycoke”.  The spelling donut was typical of the sensible and pragmatic simplification of spelling in US English and emerged in the mid nineteenth century; the form donnut did not last, the duplicated “n” obviously redundant.  In engineering, the word is widely applied including (1) the reaction vessel of a thermonuclear reactor, (2) a circular life raft, (3) A toroidal vacuum chamber (used in experimental physics), (4) a circular life raft, (5) certain types of aircraft tyres, (6) a spare car tyre smaller than a full-sized tyre and intended only for temporary use.  In idiomatic use, the phrase “bet you a dollar to a donut” fell victim to inflation.  Dating from a time when a donut typically cost a dime (5 cents), it thus implied odds of 20-1 and was part of a rich linguistic tradition which included memorable constructions such as "monkey to a mousetrap" (500-1).  As used to describe the behaviour in which a car is driven at low speed in circles with the drive wheels spinning, thus leaving a circular track of rubber on the road, the “donut” was first used circa 1981 in the US and it was picked up around the world by males aged 17-25, the donut specialists.

The great Krispy Kreme doughnut heist.

In November 2023, in Sydney, Australia, a Krispy Kreme delivery van loaded with 10,000 freshly fried doughuts was stolen from a 7/11 petrol (gas) station; police established a crime scene and launched an investigation into the incident and some two weeks later a 28 year old woman was charged with stealing after the Krispy Kreme van was found abandoned at a nearby car-park in Parramatta.  The donuts were “destroyed”, according to a police spokesman and the authorities later confirmed the suspect would be charged with "taking a driving conveyance without the consent of the owner, driving a motor vehicle during a disqualification period and travelling or attempting to travel without a valid ticket."  The woman was refused bail, presumably because the police forces anywhere would regard a threat to the national doughnut supply as a serious offence.

World War I Salvation Army doughnut girl poster.

The dough-boy was something which existed as early as the 1680s but it was something more like a pancake than a donut and doughboys were widely known; because the distinctive buttons on the uniforms worn by soldiers of the American expeditionary forces sent to Europe in 1971 to afforce the Allies in World War I (1914-1918) were the same shape, the soldiers were nicknamed “doughboys”.  Doughnuts were supplied to troops during World War I by a Christian organization, the Salvation Army (which uses military ranks but isn't really a paramilitary formation except in the sense of the later term "moral rearmament") which recruited some 250 woman volunteers who settled on the fried items because they could be prepared quickly and cheaply with minimal equipment and required only ingredients which were readily available through most military supply depots.  The doughnuts were originally quite small but, responding to suggestions, the women had a blacksmith fashion a mold for the now now-iconic circular shape with a hole in the centre.

World War I doughnut girl (left) and World War II (right) donut dolly.  It was during the later conflict the term "donut dolly" supplanted "doughnut girl", presumably because of the alliterative appeal.  Airline stewardesses (flight attendants) were (in less enlightened times) sometimes called "trolley dollies", the phonetic attraction there the rhyme although alliteration clearly appealed to the (always male) pilots of the era who preferred "flying fucks".  

Production at scale soon followed and they were distributed also to civilians; it was at this point, for better and worse, that French society hungrily adopted the doughnut.  During World War II (1939-1945), the system was formalized with the Red Cross taking over the operation and although it was never an official term, the women were known popularly as “donut dollies”, recruited on the basis of (1) being aged 25-35, (2) having a high school diploma, (3) appropriate work experience, (4) good reference letters and (5) “healthy, physically hardy, sociable and attractive”.  By the time of the D-Day landings in Normandy (6 June 1944), the Red Cross had some 100 British Army buses operating with fully-equipped kitchens, the donut-machines provided by the American Donut Company.  The donuts were served with coffee and the donut dollies were able to supply also those staples of army life: chewing gum and cigarettes.

Rotoflex doughnuts

Totoflex "Doughnut" coupling.

Rotoflex couplings were often used in the 1960s to connect differential output shafts to the rear hubs.  Usually called “rubber doughnut”, they were popular in road cars such as the Triumph GT6 and racing machinery as varied as the Ford GT40 and Lotus 21 because, prior to the availability of suitable constant velocity (CV) joints, there was really no better alternative.  Although subject to wear, usually they worked well but Lotus also used them on the Elan, the rear suspension of which was exceptionally supple rear, providing for significant vertical wheel travel which resulted on the deformation of Rotoflex doughnuts, the phenomenon known as a “wind up”.  While readily detectable by experienced drivers who learned to adjust their clutching technique, it could be disconcerting to those unused to the Elan’s quirks.

Doughnut installed: rear suspension of 1972 Lotus Elan Sprint.

In recent years, some of the replacement doughnuts manufactured in the Far East have been of sometimes dubious quality so except for those dedicated to maintaining originality, many Elans have been converted to use half-shafts built with CV joints.  When in 1971 the Elan was updated with a more powerful engine, the company did experiment with other methods but it was clear the elasticity of the doughnuts was integral to the design and without them the famously precise handling characteristics suffered.  Now however, although expensive, more rigid Rotoflex doughnuts are available which preserve the precision although at the cost of adding an occasional harshness to the Elan’s exceptionally smooth ride.

Crab Doughnuts: Chiltern Firehouse, London

Chiltern Firehouse Crab Doughnuts Recipe

Ingredients (doughnuts)

540g strong white flour (plus extra to dust)
70g caster sugar
2 tsp Maldon sea salt (plus 1 tbsp to dust)
1 tsp instant yeast
140ml water (room temperature)
4 large free range eggs
Grated zest of 3 un-waxed lemons
130g unsalted butter (thinly sliced and chilled)
500ml sunflower oil (for deep frying, plus extra for greasing)
3 tbsp icing sugar (to dust)
1 tbsp ground cinnamon (to dust)

Ingredients (tomato juice)

10 beef tomatoes (or whatever is the largest variety available)
2 cloves garlic (green germ removed and cloves chopped)
1 shallot (chopped)
¼ red chilli (de-seeded and chopped)
1 tbsp sherry vinegar
1 tbsp fish sauce
Maldon sea salt (to taste)

Ingredients (crab filling)

200g picked white crab meat (from the claws)
2 tbsp tomato juice
2 tbsp crème fraiche
1 tbsp basil leaves (thinly sliced)
2½ tsp freshly squeezed lemon juice
Maldon sea salt (to taste)

Instructions (doughnuts)

(1) Place flour, sugar, salt and yeast in the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with dough hook attachment and mix at slow speed. In separate bowl, combine water, eggs and lemon zest.

(2) Slowly add liquid mixture to flour mixture (with mixer at slow speed) until it forms a dough. Increase the speed and knead for 10-12 minutes, until the dough comes away from sides of bowl and is smooth and elastic.

(3) Reduce speed to slow and add butter, a slice at a time. Once all butter has been incorporated, increase speed, kneading for a further 5-6 minutes (until sough is smooth).

(4) Cover bowl with clingfilm and place it in the fridge for at least 6 hours or overnight, allowing dough to rest and prove slowly. Next day, oil a baking sheet. Roll dough to a 2cm (¾ inch) thickness on a lightly floured work surface and cut out 80 x 30 mm (3 x 1 ¼ inch) circles. Roll each circle into a ball, placing them on oiled baking sheet. Cover and leave to prove for about 2-3 hours.

(5) Fill a deep saucepan or deep-fat fryer with the sunflower oil (it should be about half-full) and place over a medium heat until it reaches 175˚C. (350˚C).  Deep-fry doughnuts, four at a time, for 2-3 minutes, basting them constantly with the oil until golden brown.  To drain, transfer to a plate lined with kitchen paper.

Instructions (tomato juice)

Cut tomatoes in half and squeeze out seeds. Grate the flesh of the tomatoes on the side of a box grater over a bowl. Place grated tomato flesh in the bowl of a food processor with the remaining ingredients and blend until smooth. Transfer the mixture to a muslin cloth and hang cloth over a bowl for 2 hours.

Instructions (crab filling)

Combine all ingredients in a bowl and mix well. Cover and chill until ready to assemble.

Instructions (final assembly)

Cut each doughnut in half and fill it with the chilled crab mixture. Mix the icing sugar in a bowl with the cinnamon and salt, dusting doughnuts with the mix. Serve immediately.  Left-over dough can be cut into 50-60 mm (2-2½ inch) circles and deep-fried until golden brown, then coated in sugar.  They make a quick and indulgent treat.

Parliamentary doughnutting

An improbable Cassandra:  Eric Abetz (b 1958, senator (Liberal Party) for Tasmania) 1994-2022) in the Australian Senate, Monday 26 November 2017, delivering an important speech opposing same-sex marriage, surrounded by his supporters.  This is an example of how "parliamentary doughnutting" would have created a good photo-opportunity.  The tactic is to assemble enough members to create the impression that what is being said (1) matters, (2) is interesting and (3) has some support.

Androgynous

Androgynous (pronounced an-droj-uh-nuhs)

(1) Being both male and female; hermaphroditic (archaic).

(2) Having both masculine and feminine characteristics.

(3) Having an ambiguous sexual identity.

(4) Neither clearly masculine nor clearly feminine in appearance.

(5) In botany, having staminate and pistillate flowers in the same inflorescence.

1622: From the Latin androgynus (androgyne + ous), derived from Greek androgynos (hermaphrodite, male and female in one, womanish man).  Historically used as an adjective (of baths) with meaning "common to men and women," from andros, genitive of aner (male) (see anthropo) + gyne (woman).  Gyne is ultimate root of queen.  Related forms include androgyny, androgenous, androgynous. Androgyny was first used as a noun circa 1850, nominalizing the adjective androgynous.  Adjectival use dates from the early seventeenth century, derived from the older French and English terms, androgyne.  The older androgyne is still in use as a noun with overlapping meanings.  Androgynous is an adjective, androgyny is a noun, androgynously is an adverb; the noun plural is androgynies.

Marlene Dietrich (1901–1992) as Amy Jolly in Morocco (1930).

In an amusing political conjunction, it appears the Central Committee of the PRC’s (People’s Republic of China) ruling Communist Party (CCP) seems now to agree with California’s most recent Republican governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger (b 1947; governor of California 2003-2011), that “girly men” are a bit of a problem.  The committee has been for some time concerned with the habits of the young and in addition to cracking down on ideologically unreliable actresses, introduced restrictions on the amount of time the young could spend frittering away their (ie the state’s) time playing video games instead of studying agricultural techniques, developing surveillance systems or something useful.  Around the republic, it’s suspected parents gave thanks to the committee for at least attempting to achieve what their years pleas and nagging failed to achieve although, being an inventive and clever lot, no one is expecting the caffeine-fuelled youth easily to abandon their obsession.  Work-arounds are expected soon to emerge. 

The Guangzhou Circle (the doughnut).

Fashionistas and rabid gamers weren’t the committee’s only target, an actual culture war declared on androgyny, many young men deemed too effeminate banned from the wildly popular television genre they seem to have co-invented with the TV broadcasters impressed by the ratings.  Having called in the executives to tell them to promote "revolutionary culture" instead of Western decadence, the crackdown on girly men is seemingly part of President Xi Jinping’s (b 1953; paramount leader of China since 2012) campaign to tighten control over business and society so the CCP can impose and enforce an official morality.  The president’s vision is certainly all-encompassing.  As well as “deviant” young men, Mr Xi also doesn’t like the “weird architecture” he’s noticed is part of the world’s biggest ever building boom, disapproving of intriguing structures like the doughnut-shaped Guangzhou Circle skyscraper by Italian architect Joseph di Pasquale (b 1968) and to demonstrate it’s not merely a criticism of foreign influence, he’s also condemned some of the works by Chinese designers.  The president expects buildings to be like Chinese youth: cost-conscious, structurally sound, functional and environmentally friendly.  That’s it; no deviation allowed.      

The new headquarters of the state media’s China Daily during construction.  When finished if looked less confronting but one can see why the president was concerned.

But the architects got off lightly compared with the androgynous, the state’s regulator of television content ruling that broadcasters must "resolutely put an end to sissy men and other abnormal aesthetics", telling them to ban from the screens the niang pao (derisive slang for girly men which translates literally as "girlie guns”).  Culturally, the new interest shouldn’t be surprising given a narrow definition of gender roles has long been a theme in the identity and propaganda of authoritarian administrations, the imagery, campaigns and policies of twentieth century communist & fascist regimes being well documented, those not conforming suffering much.

Lindsay Lohan is androgynous mode.

Like the West, modern China has some history with LGBTQQIAAOP issues and, certainly in the twentieth century, many in the LGBTQQIAAOP communities were treated as mentally ill undesirables and sometimes prosecuted but, reflecting changes in the West, in 1997, Beijing decriminalized homosexuality and in 2001 removed it from the official list of mental disorders.  Before long, officially recognized gay bars appeared in Shanghai and gay pride marches were held and it appeared state tolerance of such things had become, if not state policy, then certainly the practice.  However, under President Xi, things began to change, films and other material with LGBTQQIAAOP themes often censored or actually banned, universities compiling lists of students who identify as gay and the pride marches have been cancelled although this was officially a COVID-19 infection-prevention measure.  In a prelude to the committee’s statement on the suppression of androgyny, in July 2021, the government ordered the Tencent-owned messaging app WeChat to delete accounts connected to LGBTQQIAAOP groups.

Wrong: The androgynous men on Chinese TV.

Some medical experts have suggested the government is under no illusion about homosexuality and understand it’s always going to exist but they just want it to remain invisible; in the closet as it were, something done behind closed doors between consenting adults but something which dare not speak its name, must less be shown on television.  Others suspect the crackdown on degeneracy may reflect the regime’s fiscal and demographic concerns, a feeling the younger generation are suffering from the “curse of plenty”.  Having grown up knowing little but relative affluence and abundance, youth and working-age adults are starting to rebel against the heavy workload they’ll have to bear for the rest of their lives to maintain an aging population, a cultural movement called "lying flat" identified which rejects the “996” (working 9am-9pm 6 days a week, ie 72 hours) culture.  The party seems to have realised 996 may not be something helpful for regime survival and, in August 2021, arranged for the Supreme People's Court on to declare it illegal.  However, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t endure as a cultural expectation, especially in companies employing younger workers.

996: When first seen by US pilots over Korean skies in 1950, the Mikoyan-Gurevich (MiG-15  (NATO reporting name=Fagot)) made an impact like few others.  Unlike the British and Americans who had trouble keeping things secret from the Soviets, the MiG-15's existence was unknown and unexpected.  Clearly influenced by the German war-time experience and the North-American F86 Sabre, it used an (illegal) copy of a Rolls-Royce turbojet and so instantly did it transform the control of the Korean War skies that the Americans were compelled to rush squadrons of Sabres to the theatre to augment the now out-paced P51 Mustangs.  MiG-15 996 (NX996) was first assigned to the USSR Air Force but in 1955 was transferred to the People's Liberation Army Navy (the then correct term for the Chinese Navy).

Right: The manly men of the CCP’s Central Committee.

Making connections between the strands has been a rich environment for conspiracy theorists searching for hidden agendas and ulterior motives.  Blaming video games, entertainment, and androgyny for making men "too soft to work hard" is said to be just blame-shifting for the consequences of the 996 culture burning out whole generations.  State-sanctioned statistics do show extraordinary gains in productivity over the last dozen years, economic output having doubled but the gains disproportionately have been accrued by a relatively few oligarchs and those well-connected to the senior echelons of the party with even many in the upper middle-class complaining the purchasing power of their incomes are consistently falling, not keeping pace with the rising cost of housing and raising children.  Reaction to the party’s announcement that the one-child policy was finished and couples should now have two or three was thus muted; in the absence of anything actually to help parents afford to have another child, a baby-boom is not soon expected.  Still, one of the advantages of living in a communist state running a regulated capitalism as a sort of public-private partnership, is the compulsory education in Marxist theory so at least the people will understand where the alienated surplus profits from their labour went and the party does seem aware of the problem, another of their crackdowns directed against the oligarchs.  However, unlike the androgynous, they’re not expected to be banned, instead they’ll be “encouraged” to spread the wealth.  Just a little.

Flatware

Flatware (pronounced flat-wair)

In catering, an omnibus term covering (1) cutlery such as the knives, forks, and spoons used at the table for serving and eating food & (2) crockery such as those plates, saucers, dishes or containers which tend to flatness in shape (as opposed to the more capacious hollowware).

1851: The construct was flat + ware.  Flat dates from 1275–1325 and was from the Middle English flat from the Old Norse flatr, related to Old High German flaz (flat) and the Old Saxon flat (flat; shallow) and akin to Old English flet.  It was cognate with the Norwegian and Swedish flat and the Danish flad, both from the Proto-Germanic flataz, from the primitive Indo-European pleth (flat); akin to the Saterland Frisian flot (smooth), the German flöz (a geological layer), the Latvian plats and Sanskrit प्रथस् (prathas) (extension).  Source is thought to be the Ancient Greek πλατύς (platús & platys) (flat, broad).  The sense of "prosaic or dull" emerged in the 1570s and was first applied to drink from circa 1600, a meaning extended to musical notes in the 1590s (ie the tone is "lowered").   Flat-out, an adjectival form, was first noted in 1932, apparently a reference to pushing a car’s throttle (accelerator) flat to the floor and thus came to be slang for a vehicle’s top speed.  The noun was from the Middle English flat (level piece of ground, flat edge of a weapon) and developed from the adjective; the US colloquial use as a noun from 1870 meaning "total failure" endures in the sense of “falling flat”.  The notion of a small, residential space, a divided part of a larger structure, dates from 1795–1805; variant of the obsolete Old English flet (floor, house, hall), most suggesting the meaning followed the early practice of sub-dividing buildings within levels.  In this sense, the Old High German flezzi (floor) has been noted and it is perhaps derived from the primitive Indo-European plat (to spread) but the link to flat as part of a building is tenuous.

Ware was from the Middle English ware & war, from the Old English waru & wær (article of merchandise (originally “protection, guard”, the sense probably derived from “an object of care, that which is kept in custody”), from the Proto-Germanic warō & Proto-West Germanic war, from the Proto-Germanic waraz, the Germanic root also the source of the Swedish vara, the Danish vare, the Old Frisian were, the Middle Dutch were, the Dutch waar, the Middle High German & German Ware (goods). All ultimately were from the primitive Indo-European root wer- (perceive, watch out for)  In Middle English, the meaning shifted from "guard, protection" to "an object that is in possession, hence meriting attention, guarded, cared for, and protected".  Thus as a suffix, -ware is used to form nouns denoting, collectively, items made from a particular substance or of a particular kind or for a particular use.  In the special case of items worn as clothing, the suffix -wear is appended, thus there is footwear rather than footware.  In the suffixed form, ware is almost always in the singular but as a stand-alone word (meaning goods or products etc), it’s used as wares.  Ladyware was a seventeenth century euphemism for "a woman's private parts" (the companion manware etc much less common) and in Middle English there was also the mid-thirteenth century ape-ware (deceptive or false ware; trickery).  Flatware is a noun; the noun plural is flatwares.

Hardware and software were adopted by the computer industry, the former used from the very dawn of the business in the late 1940s, borrowing from the mid-fifteenth century use which initially described “small metal goods” before evolving to be applied to just about everything in building & construction from tools to fastenings.  Apparently, software didn’t come into use until the 1960s and then as something based on “hardware” rather than anything to do with the mid-nineteenth century use when it described both "woolen or cotton fabrics" and "relatively perishable consumer goods"; until then there was hardware & programs (the term “code” came later).  The ecosystem spawned by the industry picked up the idea in the 1980s, coining shareware (originally software distributed for free for which some payment was hoped) and that started a trend, begetting:

Abandonware: Software no longer updated or maintained, or on which copyright is no longer defended or which is no longer sold or supported; such software can, with approval, pass to others for development (takeoverware) or simply be purloined (hijackware).  Abandonware is notoriously associated with video game development where there’s a high failure rate and many unsuccessful projects later emerge as shareware or freeware.

Adware: Nominally free software which includes advertising while running.  Adware sometimes permits the advertising to disappear upon payment and is popularly associated with spyware although the extent of this has never reliably been quantified.

Baitware: Software with the most desirable or tempting features disabled but able to be activated upon payment; a type of crippleware or demoware.

Freeware: Free software, a variation of which is “open source” which makes available also the source code which anyone may modify and re-distribute on a non-commercial basis.  Google’s Chrome browser is a famous example, developed from the open source Chromium project.

Censorware: An umbrella term for content-filtering software.

Demoware: A variation of crippleware or baitware in that it’s a fully-functional version of the software but limited in some critical way (eg ceases to work after 30 days); also called trialware.  The full feature set is unlocked by making a payment which ensures the user is provided with a code (or "key") to activate full-functionality.  The fashionable term for this approach is "freemium" (a portmanteau of free & premium, the idea being the premium features cost something.

Donationware: Pure shareware in that it’s fully-functional and may be used without payment but donations are requested to support further development.  A type of shareware.

Postcardware: Developer requests a postcard from the user’s home town.  This really is a thing and the phenomenon is probably best explained by those from the behavioral science community; also called cardware.

Ransomware: Software which “locks” or in some way renders inaccessible a user’s data or system, requiring a payment (usually in crypto-currency) before access can be regained; malware’s growth industry.

Spyware: Software which furtively monitors a user’s actions, usually to steal and transmit data; antispyware is its intended nemesis.

Malware: Software with some malicious purpose including spyware and ransomware.

Bloatware: Either (1) the programs bundled by manufacturers or retailers with devices when sold, (often trialware and in some notorious cases spyware) or (2) software laden with pointless “features” nobody will ever use; also called fatware, fattware and phatware.

Vaporware: Non-existent software which is either well behind schedule or has only ever been speculative; also called noware.

Flat as a noun, prefix or adjective has also been productive:  Flat white can be either a coffee or a non-gloss paint.  Flatway and flatwise (with a flat side down or otherwise in contact with a flat surface) are synonymous terms describing the relationship of one or more flat objects in relation to others and flat-water is a nautical term meaning much the same as "still-water".  The flat universe is a cluster of variations of one theory among a number of speculative descriptions of the topological or geometric attributes of the universe.  Probably baffling to all but a few cosmologists, the models appear suggest a structure which include curves while as a totality being of zero curvature and, depending on the detail, imply a universe which either finite or infinite.

The “going flat” movement describes an activist community of women who have undergone a mastectomy (the surgical removal of one breast (unilateral or single) or both (bilateral or double)) who elect not to undergo a reconstruction.  Since reconstructive surgery became mainstream in the 1980s, a large percentage of women who had a mastectomy opted (for whatever reason) not to reconstruct but the more recent “going flat” movement was a political act: a reaction against what is described in the US as the “medical-industrial complex”, the point being that women who have undergone a mastectomy should not be subject to pressure either to use an external prosthetic (usually placed in a "pocketed" mastectomy bra) or agree to surgical reconstruction (a lucrative procedure for the industry).  It’s a form of advocacy which has a focus not only on available fashions but also the need for a protocol under which, if women request an AFC (aesthetic flat closure, a surgical closure (sewing up) in which the “surplus” skin, often preserved to accommodate a future reconstructive procedure, is removed and the chest rendered essentially “flat”), that is what must be provided.  The medical industry has argued the AFC can preclude a satisfactory cosmetic outcome in reconstruction if a woman “changes her mind” but the movement insists it's an example of how the “informed consent” of women is not being respected.  Essentially, what the “going flat” movement seems to be arguing is the request for an AFC should be understood as an example of the legal principle of VAR (voluntary assumption of risk).  The attitude of surgeons who decline to perform an AFC is described by the movement as the “flat refusal”.

Iron Flatheads: Ford flathead V8 with heads removed (right), a pair of (flat) heads (centre) and flathead V8 with (aftermarket Offenhauser) heads installed.

In internal combustion engines, a flathead engine (also called the side-valve or L-Head) is one where the poppet valves are built into the engine block rather than being in a separate cylinder head which has since the 1950s been the almost universal practice (overhead valve (OHV) and overhead camshaft (OHC)).  Until the 1950s, flatheads were widely available in both cheap and expensive vehicles because they used relatively few moving parts, were simple (and thus economic) to manufacture and existed in an era of low-octane fuels which tended to preclude high engine speeds.  During World War II (1939-1945), what would otherwise have taken decades of advances in design and metallurgy was accomplished in five years and flathead designs mostly were phased out of production except for non-automotive niches where simple, cheap, low-revving units were ideal.  The classic flathead was the Ford V8 (1932-1953 in the US market although, remarkably, production overseas didn’t end until 1993!) which encompasses all the advantages and disadvantages of the design and was so identified with the concept that it’s still known as “the Flathead”, the name gained because the “head”, containing no valve-gear or other machinery, is little more than a piece of flat steel providing a sealing for the combustion process.

Flat Earth Society factional options: conical (left), doughnut (centre) & disk (right), the latter enjoying the greatest support among the flat-Earthers.

Members of the Flat Earth Society believe the Earth is flat but there's genuine debate within the organization, some holding the shape is disk-like, others that it's conical but both agree we live on something like the face of a coin.  There are also those in a radical faction suggesting it's actually shaped like a doughnut but this theory is regarded by the flat-earth mainstream worse than speculative, the proponents branded as heretics.  Evidence, such as photographs from orbit showing Earth to be spherical, is dismissed as part of the "round Earth conspiracy" run by NASA (National Aeronautics and Space Administration), the Freemasons and subversives like the Secret Society of the Les Clefs d'Or.  The flat-earther theory is the Arctic Circle lies in the centre with the Antarctic a 150-foot (45m) tall wall of ice around the rim; NASA contractors guard the ice wall so nobody look over the edge and thus disprove the "round Earth lie".  Cosmologically, Earth's daily cycle is a product of the Sun & Moon being 32 mile (51 km) wide spheres travelling in a plane 3,000 miles (4,800 km) above Earth while the more distant stars are some 3100 miles (5000 km) away and there's also an invisible "anti-moon" which obscures the "real Moon" during lunar eclipses.  Explained like that, it all sounds plausible so the flat-earthers may be onto something the deep state long has hidden from us.

Lindsay Lohan in Lanvin Classic Garnet ballet flats (ballet pumps in the US) (Lanvin p/n: FW-BAPBS1-NAPA-A18391), Los Angeles, 2012.

Ballet flats are shoes which either literally are or closely resemble a ballerina’s dancing slippers.  In the US, ballet flats are almost always called ballet pumps and this use has spread, many in the industry also now calling them pumps, presumably just for administrative simplicity although the standardization does create problems because the term “pump” is used to describe a wide range of styles and there’s much inconsistency between markets.  A flat-file database is a database management system (DBMS) where records are stored in a uniform format with no structure for indexing or recognizing relationships between entries.  A flat-file database is best visualized as the page of a spreadsheet with no capacity for three-dimensionality but, in principle, there’s no reason why a flat-file database can’t be huge although they tend for many reasons not to be suitable to use at scale.

The Flatiron, NY - Evening, 1905, photograph by Edward Steichen (1879-1973) (left) and The Flatiron building (circa 1904) oil on canvas by Ernest Lawson (1873-1939) (right).

Opened in 1902, the Flatiron Building is a 22 storey, 285 foot (86.9 m) tall building with a triangular footprint, located at 175 Fifth Avenue in what is now called the Flatiron District of Manhattan in New York City.  Originally called the “Fuller Building” (named after the construction company which owned the site), the Flatiron was one of the city’s first skyscrapers and gained the nickname which stuck because people compare the shape to the cast-iron clothes irons then on sale and even while being built it was recognized as a striking design and remains an example of what would early in the twentieth century come to be called "modernist architecture"; it was designated a National Historic Landmark in 1989.

The comparison with the household iron was understandable but when viewed from ground level, the shape is deceptive; whereas an iron is symmetrical, the Flatiron is an irregular triangle, a wedge shape which in a number of fields (including geometry, landscape architecture & civil engineering) is sometimes called a "spandrel triangle" but the term seems not widely used by architects who prefer the more encompassing "irregular triangle" (ie one not equilateral or isosceles) or just the pleasingly brutish "wedge".  Among architects (and especially critics of the discipline) however, "flatiron" has become a quasi-technical and in colloquial use structures with similar wedge-shaped forms are often referred to as "flatiron buildings".

Flatware

Flatware in its historic sense is now rarely used outside of the categorization systems of catering suppliers except in the US where it vies with “silverware” and the clumsy “flatwaresilverware” to describe what is in most of the English-speaking world called cutlery.  In modern use, a term which covers some utensils and some dishware seems to make no sense and that’s correct.  The origin of flatware belongs to a time when those to whom an invitation to dinner was extended would bring their own “flatware” (knife, fork, spoon, plate, goblet) because in most houses, those items existed in numbers sufficient only for the inhabitants.

The Right Honourable Sir Jacob Rees-Mogg (b 1969) taking a dish of tea.

Sir Jacob was between 2019-2022 a noted member of Boris Johnson's government and was sometimes referred to as "the right honourable member for the eighteenth century"; he'd think cups something from which those "not of the better classes" slurp their tea and  "mugs" perhaps a synonym for "the voters".  Sir Jacob was knighted in Mr Johnson's resignation honours list (2022) and even by the standards of such things, that was a remarkable document. 

As applied to crockery, flatware items were in the fourteenth century those plates, dishes, saucers which were "shallow & smooth-surfaced", distinguishing them from hollowware which were the larger items (steel, china, earthenware) of crockery used to cook or serve food (onto or into flatware to be eaten with flatware).  The seemingly aberrant case of the cup (something inherently hollow) being flatware is that what we would now call a mug or goblet, like a knife, fork or plate, was an item most people would carry with them when going to eat in another place.  The issue of cup and saucer existing in different categories thus didn’t exist and in any case saucers were, as the name suggests, originally associated with the serving of sauce, being a drip-tray.  The cup and saucer in its modern form didn’t appear until the mid eighteenth century when a handle was added to the little bowls which had been in use in the West for more than a hundred years (centuries earlier in the East) and reflecting handle-less age, the phrase “a dish of tea” is still an occasionally heard affectation.

Elizabeth II (1926-2022; Queen of the UK and other places, 1952-2022) bidding farewell to Bill Clinton (b 1946; US president 1993-2001) & crooked Hillary Clinton (b 1947; US secretary of state 2009-2013), Buckingham Palace, 2000.

Almost universally, flatware is referred to as "the silver".  Eating and drinking has long been fetishized and adopted increasingly elaborate forms of service so (except for the specific sense in the US) the term flatware is now of little use outside the databases of catering suppliers, crockery and cutlery now more useful general categories which can accommodate what is now a huge number of classes of wares.