Cheater

Cheater (pronounced chee-ter)

(1) A person who cheats.

(2) A device or component used to evade detection of non-compliance with rules or regulations (such as the (Dieselgate) mechanical and electronic devices used by Volkswagen and others to cheat emissions testing programmes).  As a mechanical device a cheater is thus "a modifier" and the would is also often used as one.

(3) Slang for eyeglasses or spectacles (archaic).

(4) In mechanical repair, an improvised breaker bar made from a length of pipe and a wrench (spanner), usually used to free screws, bolts etc proving difficult to remove with a ratchet or wrench alone; any device created ad-hoc to perform a task not using the approved or designated tools.

1300-1350: From the Middle English cheater from cheat, from cheten, an aphetic variant of acheten & escheten, from the Old French eschetour, escheteur & escheoiter, from the noun; it displaced native Old English beswican.  The -er suffix was from the Middle English –er & -ere, from the Old English -ere, from the Proto-Germanic -ārijaz, probably borrowed from the Latin -ārius.  The adoption was reinforced by the synonymous but unrelated Old French –or & -eor (the Anglo-Norman variant was -our), from the Latin -(ā)tor, from the primitive Indo-European -tōr.  The suffix was added to a person or thing that does an action indicated by the root verb, thereby forming the agent noun.  The noun cheatery is now rare, existing only in old texts.  Escheat refers to the right of a government to take ownership of estate assets or unclaimed property, most often when an individual dies without making a will and with no heirs.  In common law, the theoretical basis of escheat was that (1) all property has a recognized owner and (2) if no claimants to ownership exists or can be identified, ownership reverts to the King (in modern terms the state).  However, in some circumstances escheat rights can also be granted when assets are held to be bona vacantia (unclaimed or lost property).  The original sense was of the "royal officer in charge of the king's escheats," and was a shortened form of escheater, agent noun from escheat.  The meaning “someone dishonest; a dishonest player at a game” emerged in the 1530s as the Middle English chetour, a variant of eschetour following the example of escheat +‎ -er which evolved in English in the modern form cheater (cheat + -er).

Heav'n has no rage, like love to hatred turn'd, nor Hell a fury like a woman scorn'd. William Congreve, The Mourning Bride (1697).

Cheater cars are a frequent sight on several social media platforms, posted presumably by impressed spectators rather than victims or perpetrators.  Techniques and artistry vary but there does seem to be a trend whereby the more expensive the car, the larger and more lurid will be the lettering.  Red, pink and fuchsia appear the colours of choice except where the automotive canvas is red; those artists adorn mostly in black or white.

Hell also hath no fury like a woman cheated upon.   

For some reason, the (anyway incorrectly quoted) phrase “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” is often attributed to William Shakespeare (1564–1616), possibly because it’s plausibly in his voice or maybe because for most the only time the Middle English “hath” is seen is in some Shakespearian quote so the association sticks.  The real author however was actually Restoration playwright William Congreve (1670–1729) who coined the phrase for his 1697 play The Mourning Bride, the protagonist of which, although becoming a bit unhinged by the cruel path of doomed love, doesn’t resort to leporidaecide (bunny boiling).  Congreve’s line, “Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, nor hell a fury like a woman scorned” was good but actually was a more poetic rendition of a similar but less elegantly expressed version another playwright had used a year earlier.  The Mourning Bride is also the source of another fragment for which the bard is often given undeserved credit: “Music has charms to soothe a savage breast” although that’s often bowdlerized as “Music has charms to soothe a savage beast”.

Politicians are notorious liars and cheaters, some even cheerfully admitting it (usually when safely in their well-provided for retirement) but in the privacy of their diaries, they’ll often happily (and usually waspishly) admit it of others.  Although he has a deserved reputation for telling not only lies but big lies, no one has ever disputed Joseph Goebbels’ (1897–1945; Reich Minister of Propaganda 1933 to 1945) assessment of a fellow cabinet member, foreign minister Joachim von Ribbentrop (1893–1946; Minister of Foreign Affairs 1938-1945) of whom he said “He bought his name, married his money and cheated his way into power”.

Guilty as sin.  Oliver Schmidt (b 1969; inmate number 09786-104 in US Federal, York Township, Michigan) received a seven year sentence for his involvement in the Volkswagen Dieselgate scandal.  Herr Schmidt (right) is pictured here receiving a Ward’s “Best Engine” award in 2015.

Volkswagen certainly gave cheating a bad name and in May 2022 the company announced the latest out-of-court settlement would be Stg£ 193 million (US$242 million) to UK regulators, following the Aus$125 million (US$87 million) imposed by the Federal Court of Australia.  To date, Dieselgate has cost the company some US$34 billion and some criminal cases remain afoot.

Smokey Yunick’s 1966 Chevrolet Chevelle #13 which some alleged was a 7:8 or 15:16 rendition, here aligned against a grid with a stock body.

In simpler, happier times, cheating was sometimes just part of the process and was something of a game between poacher and gamekeeper.  In the 1960s, NASCAR racing in the US was a battle between scrutineers amending their rule-book as cheating was detected and teams scanning the same regulations looking for loopholes and anomalies.  The past master at this cheating was Henry "Smokey" Yunick (1923–2001), a World War II (1939-1975) bomber pilot whose ever-fertile imagination seemed never to lack some imaginative idea that secured some advantage while remaining compliant with the letter of the law (at least according to his interpretation).  His cheats were legion but probably the most celebrated (and there would have been judges who would have agreed this one was legitimate) concerned his interpretation of the term “fuel tank capacity”.  NASCAR specified the maximum quantity of fuel which could be put in a tank but said nothing about the steel fuel line running from tank to engine so Mr Yunick replaced the modest ½ inch (12.5 mm) tube with one 11 feet (3.6 m) long and two inches (50 mm) wide, holding a reputed 5 (US) gallons (19 litres) of gas (petrol).  That was his high-tech approach.  Earlier he’d put an inflated basketball into an oversized fuel tank before the car was inspected by scrutineers and when they filled the tank, it would appear to conform to regulations; these days it’d be called “inflategate”.  After passing inspection, Mr Ynuick would deflate the ball, pull it out and top-up his oversized tank for the race.  Pointing out there was nothing in the rules about basketballs didn’t help him but did lead to the rule about a maximum “fuel tank capacity”, hence the later 11 foot-long fuel line.

NASCAR's letter of approval.

Mr Yunick’s 1966 Chevrolet Chevelles were different from the stock models but by the mid 1960s, all NASCAR’s stock cars were.  The difference was certainly perceptible to the naked eye and an urban legend arose that it was a 7:8 (some said 15:16) scale version.  The body’s external dimensions were however those of a stock Chevelle although the body was moved back three inches for better weight distribution, the floor was raised and the underside was smoothed out to improve the aerodynamics.  For the same reason the bumpers were fitted flush with the fenders.  The first car passed inspection (after making the modifications decreed by NASCAR) and took pole position at the 1967 Daytona 500.  He built another imaginative Chevelle for the 1968 race but it never made it past inspection.  In 1990, Smokey Yunick was inducted into the International Motorsports Hall of Fame, a recognition as richly deserved as it was overdue.

Singer and dancer Josephine Baker (1906–1975) with Chiquita, her pet cheetah.

A true homophone of cheater, cheetah (the plural cheetahs) is wholly unrelated.  Cheetahs are large cats (Acinonyx jubatus) of south-western Asia and Africa, resembling a leopard but noted for certain dog-like characteristics which is why they’re sometimes been trained for hunting game (deer, antelope etc) and they have even occasionally been fully domesticated as pets.  Dating from the early eighteenth century, cheetah was from the Hindi चीता (cītā (leopard, panther), from the Sanskrit citraka (leopard) & citrakāya (tiger) the construct being चित्र (citra) (multicoloured; speckled) + काय (kāya) (body, thus “beast with a spotted body”.  The Sanskrit citra was akin to the Old High German haitar (bright), the German heiter and the Old Norse heiðr (bright) and ultimately was from the primitive Indo-European kit-ro-, from the root skai- (to shine, gleam, be bright).  Kāya ultimately was from the primitive Indo-European kwei- (to build, make).  The now archaic alternative spellings were cheetah & cheetah and historically, the creatures were known also as the guepard, hunting cat or hunting leopard.  Understandably, given their size and predatory nature, it’s not uncommon for cheetahs to be referred to as “big cats” but in zoological taxonomy, felinologists restrict the “big cat” classification to the genus Panthera (lions, tigers, leopards, snow leopards & jaguars) and one defining feature of the Panthera cats is their ability to roar, made possible by a specific structure in their larynx.  Lacking the anatomical feature, cheetahs can purr, chirp & hiss but not roar.

A female cheetah at speed.

According to Dr Anne Marie Helmenstine, computer modelling suggests a cheetah should be able (briefly) to attain a speed of 75 mph (120 km/h) although its hunting technique is to maintain an average speed of 40 mph (65 km/h), sprinting to the maximum only when making a kill.  If required, it can go from 0-60 mph in 3 seconds (in three strides) which in the class of the quickest Lamborghinis, Ferraris and such but it’s a sprinter with little endurance, able to sustain its speed for little more than a quarter-mile (400 m).  Still, that’s almost three times as quick as the best recorded human, the men’s world record for the 100 m sprint standing a 9.58 seconds, compared with an eleven year cheetah (in captivity) which was clocked at 5.95 and her top speed of 61 mph (98 km/h) remains the highest verified.  That makes the cheetah the fastest land animal on Earth; only some birds can go faster.

Cheetah cutaway, published in Sports Car Graphics, November, 1963.  Not many front-engined cars had space sufficient to for a plausibly-sized frunk.

A contemporary of the Shelby American AC Cobra (1962-1967) and very much in the same vein, the Cheetah (1963-1966) was designed and constructed by California-based race car builder Bill Thomas (1921-2009).  As part of his work as an engineering consultant, Mr Thomas undertook projects for General Motors (GM), his focus on the somewhat clandestine motorsport activities of its Chevrolet division, and he parlayed this influence into securing corporate support for the concept which became the Cheetah.  The support was practical in that it yielded most of the mechanical components needed for a prototype including a Chevrolet Corvette 327 cubic inch (5.3 litre) V8 engine, Muncie four-speed gearbox, independent rear suspension and a miscellany of stuff from the GM parts bin.  It was obviously the pre-CAD (computer-aided-design) era but Mr Thomas didn’t trouble himself with drawing boards or blueprints, instead laying out the drive-train components on the floor of his workshop in seemed to his practiced eye an ideal arrangement and, with white chalk, he then sketched on the concrete the outline of the chassis frame members.  At that point, a draftsman (with tape measure) was brought in and blueprints were rendered; remarkably, Mr Thomas with great success for decades used this novel design technique.  Once the chassis dimensions were finalized, a body was designed and it’s important to note the project was initially envisaged only as a “concept car”, built for the purpose of impressing GM and thus securing further contracts.  It was conceived as something to be admired rather than used for any serious purpose and it was only as construction continued Mr Thomas sort of “fell in love” with his creation and decided to use it also in competition, something to which its low weight and prodigious power should have made it well-suited.  However, the compromises in chassis design which mattered not at all for a concept car meant some structural rigidity had been sacrificed and that was a quality essential in race cars; later rectification work would be required.  The first two Cheetahs were fabricated in aluminium (later models used GRP (glass reinforced plastic, better known as fibreglass) and one was sent to the Chevrolet Engineering Center for testing and evaluation.

1964 Cheetah with clamshell hood open.

The layout was not so much radical as extreme, the conventional F/R (front engine-rear drive) approach taken to a kind of logical conclusion with the engine located so far back the driver’s legs were alongside the block.  In the same way the “mid-engine” configuration was being defined as “engine behind the driver and in front of the rear axle line”, the Cheetah’s variation was “engine in front of driver and behind the front axle line”, now familiar on race cars and in a number of exotics but novel in the early 1960s.  As well as offering most of the weight-distribution and handling advantages offered by a mid-engine, the Cheetah’s layout avoided the complication of a transaxle but the drawbacks included inefficiencies in packaging (ie a cramped cockpit) and extraordinary heat-soak, the latter a familiar issue in an ears when small, low volume coupés were fitted with large displacement US V8 engines, the elegant AC 428 “Fura” (1965-1973) an exemplar of the phenomenon.  When the Cheetah was tested prior to being used on the track, it was found to be prone to over-heating, largely because the body had been designed to look decorative and no vents had been installed to extract hot air from under the long hood (bonnet).  That was addressed by the use of a larger radiator and the addition of various vents & ducts, along with a full-length belly pan, meaning subsequent versions lacked the visual purity of the original, the effect not dissimilar to the way the addition of this and that to provide for heat management meant the production versions of the Lamborghini Countach (1974-1978) lacked the sleek starkness of the original prototype, first shown at the 1971 Geneva Motor Show.  Still, compared with how subsequent versions of the Countach (1978-1990) would be adorned, the comparative elegance of the early run remains compelling.

1964 Cheetah, note the cut-outs and vents, subsequent additions to handle the heat generation.

The Cheetah’s dubious structural rigidity was a result of the original chassis being merely a quickly-assembled platform on which the striking body could be mounted to be admired but it was marginal for use even as a road car, let alone one subjected to the stresses of competition and even before testing it was anticipated substantial changes would have to be made.  Because so little triangulation had been incorporated in the original design, the chassis was susceptible to the loads imposed by the lateral forces created when negotiating high-speed curves, meaning the suspension geometry changed, challenging even skilled drivers accustomed to the rigid frames which guaranteed at least predictable behavior.  Additionally, for the testing, the Cheetah was provided with more power which exacerbated the alarming tendencies which included the rear suspension’s trailing arms bending, slighting altering (sometimes while at high speed) the location of the wheels.  Adding gusseting and triangulation to the frame and redesigning the trailing arms ameliorated the worst of the characteristics but some things were inherent in the design and subsequently, some owners of Cheetahs, seduced by its many virtues, undertook was essentially a re-engineering of the underpinnings and the many replicas and "continuation" editions significantly differ from the originals.  Still, whatever the quirks, the Cheetah was powerful, light and clearly aerodynamic for in a straight line few could match its pace; the name was chosen for a reason.

Unfortunately, the early 1960s were the end of an era in sports car racing because in addition to the regulatory body changing the rules for the class for which the Cheetah was intended so that 1,000 rather than 100 would be required for homologation, in the top flight, the days of the classic front-engined cars was nearly done and the future lay with the rear-mid configuration.  Given all that, Chevrolet withdrew its support although small-scale production continued and some two-dozen were constructed before the last was built in 1965.  The survivors are now high-priced collectables and there have been dozens of replicas although in the twenty-first century, this cottage industry was stalled by a dispute over ownership to the intellectual property associated with the design.  Predictably, although the Cheetah wasn’t obviously a car in need of more power, some owners of the replicas have concluded exactly that and fitted a variety of engines including big-block V8s and others with turbochargers or superchargers attached.  Fundamentally, what this approach meant was the “handle with care” injunction which applied to the original remained; just more so.

1929 Mercedes-Benz SSK (left) and 1964 Cheetah (right)

The distinctive lines of the Cheetah, its driver sitting over the rear wheels behind a long nose, recalled the pre-war roadsters which provided the model for most of the era’s grand prix cars, the motif lasting into 1960 when (in unusual circumstances in the Italian Grand Prix at Monza), a Ferrari secured one last win for the front-engined anachronisms.  The Mercedes-Benz SSKs (W06, 1928-1932) & SSKLs (WS06RS, 1929-1931) were classic examples and among the last of the road cars able to win top-flight grand prix events.  The red example (above left) is a 1929 model SSK (one of 33 built) and although the hue is untypical of the breed, in fashion and on the highways, the interwar years were more colourful that the impression left by the volume of monochrome and sepia images which form so much of the photographic record.  Interestingly, although Mercedes-Benz race cars are much associated with white (the racing color originally allocated to Germany) and silver (adopted by the factory racing team in the 1930s although in not quite the circumstances once claimed) there was a precedent for the use of red because that was the paint applied to the Mercedes Tipo Indy 2.0 used to win the 1924 Targa Florio (setting a race-record time which would stand for a decade), chosen because of the habit of the Sicilian crowds to pelt with rocks any car not painted in Italian Racing Red.  Not since 1920 had a non-Italian car won so it was a wise precaution.

1969 Pontiac Grand Prix Model J.

Such is the appeal to stylists of the “long nose” that over the years many have ignored the packaging inefficiencies its use imposes.  It was one of the most commented-upon aspects of the Jaguar E-type (1961-1974) and probably it’s rare for an analysis of the shape to have been written without the word “phallic” appearing at least once.  Even when the effect is not so exaggerated it can be effective, the third generation Pontiac Grand Prix (1969-1972) the last of the memorable designs to emerge from the golden years of GM’s PMD (Pontiac Motor Division) during the 1960s.  Intended to be evocative of the aspect ratios of machines such as the big Duesenbergs of pre-war years, PMD even purloined the “J” & “SJ” designations although with its straight-8 engines a Duesenberg really did need a long nose; under the hood of the exclusively V8-powered Grand Prix, there was much empty space.

Modified 1973 Volkswagen 1303 Super Beetle.

Nor was it just the manufacturers who have been fond of the style.  In Canada, somebody with the requisite skills decided the “Cheetah look” was what a 1973 Volkswagen Super Beetle really needed and while it’s obvious the body extensively has been modified, the distorted dimensions are deceptive because the (presumably unique) project sits on an unmodified chassis, the wheelbase unchanged.  Unfortunately or not, the opportunity was not taken to install up front a straight-8 or V16, the car still running the modest, rear-mounted, 1.6 litre (97 cubic inch) flat-4 fitted by the factory.  As well as the curved windscreen, the 1303 featured the 1302’s improved front suspension (which one tester claimed made it faster point-to-point than a 1963 Porsche 356), the design of which allowed the capacity of the frunk to be increased and this one will be more capacious still; given it’s now a two seater, luggage capacity should be adequate although the front bucket seats have been replaced with a full-width bench so three adults could be accommodated, BMIs (body mass index) and a willingness to rub shoulders permitting.  Because it’s on the same wheelbase, any increase in weight may be minimal and the handling (anyway improved by the revised suspension) presumably will be affected (for better or worse) only by the change in weight distribution.  That said, given the thing is now more tail-heavy, the Beetle's inherent tendency to oversteer (somewhat tamed by 1973) might be more apparent but with the power available, even if it behaves something like an early Porsche 930, should a situation drama occur, probably it'll be at a lower speed.     

1980 Cadillac Eldorado “Valentino” by the unimaginatively named Conversions Incorporated, a Michigan-based customizing house (left) and 1981 Cadillac Eldorado "Regal Coach" by Florida's International Coach Works Company, a selling point the Rolls-Royceish “flying lady” hood ornament, said to make it a “real head turner” (right).

In the sometimes weird world that was the world of modified PLCs (personal luxury coupe) in the US of the 1970s and 1980s, the “long nose” style didn't exist in isolation.  It was one of a number of design elements which were part of the “neo-classical” movement which included also side-exit, flexible exhaust pipes (referencing the often supercharged pre-war machines (a la the Mercedes-Benz SSK but by the 1970s almost always fake), upright chrome-plated grills (Rolls-Royce the preferred inspiration), T-roof assemblies (a modern take on the old sedanca de ville coach-work, fake wire wheels and external spare tyres, the rear one in a "Continental kit" (a look which to this day refuses to die), the fender-mounted pair taking advantage of the eighteen-odd inches (460 mm) spliced between A-pillar and front wheel.  The spares used the space where sometimes sat the external exhaust pipes so it was a choice which had to be made although some builders just left the expanse of sheet metal, emphasizing the elongation.

Colonnade

Colonnade (pronounced kol-uh-neyd)

(1) In architecture, a series of regularly spaced columns supporting an entablature and often one side of a roof.

(2) In design (usually as "colonnaded"), any array of upright structures which emulate the style of architectural colonnades. 

(3) A series of trees planted in a long row, as on each side of a driveway or road.

(4) The descriptor for the body style used in the US on the General Motors (GM) “A-Body” platform 1973-1977.

1718: From the French colonnade, from the Italian colonnato, from colonna (column), from the Latin columna (pillar), a collateral form of columen (top, summit), from the primitive Indo-European root kel- (to be prominent; hill).  The related term is colonnette which in architecture is a small slender column, sometimes merely decorative but also structural, supporting a beam or lintel). In interior decorating and furniture design, colonettes are also used, featuring in objects as diverse as chairs, tables and mantle-clocks, the motif noted by archeologists in excavations from Antiquity.  The –ette suffix was from the Middle English -ette, a borrowing from the Old French -ette, from the Latin -itta, the feminine form of -ittus.  It was used to form nouns meaning a smaller form of something.  Colonnade is a noun and colonnaded is an adjective; the noun plural is colannades.

Colonnades at Piazza San Pietro, leading to St Peter's Basilica, Vatican City.

The noun peristyle described "a range or ranges of columns surrounding any part or place".  It dates from the 1610s and was from the mid sixteenth century French péristyle (row of columns surrounding a building), from the Classical Latin peristȳlum & peristȳlium, from the Ancient Greek περιστῡ́λιον (peristū́lion) & περίστυλον (perístulon), a noun use of the neuter form of περίστυλος (perístulos) (surrounded by columns), the construct being περί (perí) + στῦλος (stûlos) (pillar), from the primitive Indo-European root sta- (to stand, make or be firm).  In voodoo, it has the special meaning of “a sacred roofed courtyard with a central pillar (the potomitan), used to conduct ceremonies, either alone or as an adjunct to an enclosed temple or altar-room.

1974 Buick Century Luxus Colonnade Sedan

Under the traditional naming system used by General Motors (GM), the code "A-body" was use for the intermediate platform, a body-on-frame design in which the driveline and suspension were pre-assembled on a perimeter-frame chassis to which the body subsequently was attached.  The 1973-1977 GM A-Body cars were thus structurally similar to the highly regarded 1964-1972 models but the body style was radically different for a number of reasons, including some imposed by legislation.  One feature eliminated from the A-Body after 1973 was the hardtop, a body-style which used frameless side-windows and no central (B) pillar.  The much admired hardtop style had to be sacrificed (though the fameless-windows were carried-over) because the new federal legislation demanded improved roll-over protection, thus the need for B-pillars to form a kind of integral roll-cage.  This was the era when safety and anti-pollution regulation first became stringent and the 1973-1977 cars would be the first with the 5 mph (8 km/h) crash bumpers, most early versions of which looked something like battering rams.

1973 Oldsmobile Colonnade Cutlass.  In the 1970s, the Cutlass would become the best-selling car in the US but it's the previous generation A-Bodies (1964-1972) which are much sought.

General Motors dubbed the style “Colonnade”, an allusion to the array of three pillars where once there had been but two.  Built at the time in big numbers with production (spread between the Chevrolet, Buick, Oldsmobile & Pontiac divisions) exceeding seven million, the survival rate was low compared with their more illustrious (though sometimes lethally unsafe) predecessors and because few attained “collectable” status, no industry of replacement and re-production parts emerged to make restorations conveniently possible.  While the Colonnade cars don’t mark the dawn of the “malaise era” for which the Carter administration is remembered (although in the “Crisis of Confidence” speech which is taken as its marker, Jimmy Carter (b 1924, US president 1977-1981) never spoke the word “malaise”), the hints are certainly there that worse was to come.

1977 Pontiac Can Am advertising was apparently the only time Pontiac officially used the popular "GOAT" (greatest of all time) allusion to the GTO.

One (not especially bright) highlight of the Colonnade years came almost at the end when Pontiac released the Can Am.  By 1977, Pontiac was no longer making genuinely fast or exciting cars (and in fairness, nor were many others) but with machines like the Firebird Trans-Am, they were certainly making stuff which looked the part and it was this flair for keeping-up-appearances which inspired the Can Am.  One model which had disappointed the Pontiac hierarchy was the LeMans which, even by Colonnade standards was an unhappy looking thing, the sloping rear end and buff-front apparently the work of two different committees, both comprised of not especially gifted members.  Fundamentally, it couldn’t be fixed but the Detroit’s marketing people had worked before with unpromising material and knew all about “tarting-up”.

1977 Pontiac Can Am.

The first proposal added a ducktail spoiler to the rear which was quite effectivein disguising the drooping lines and revived the “Judge” name, a muscle-car moniker from Pontiac’s recent past, added stripes and finished the thing in a lurid red which was close to the Judge’s signature shade.  Officially, the Pontiac management were said to be “unenthusiastic” but apparently they were appalled and knew something so obviously fake would not be well-received.  There the project might have died but the marketing team had a second go, adding the Firebird Trans Am’s 400 cubic inch (6.6 litre) V8, keeping the spoiler and changing the color to stark white, complemented with red, yellow and orange stripes, the Swiss-Guardesque combination looking better than it sounds.  The interior gained additional appointments, borrowed from the Grand Prix, one Pontiac which was selling well and the name came from a famous racing series which in its halcyon years had been contested by the FIA’s Group 7, unlimited displacement sports cars.  The Pontiac was a long way removed from that but at the time, so was just about everything and the project was duly approved for a mid-season (early 1977) introduction.

The spoiler which broke the mold: The 1977 Pontiac Can Am’s rear styling reflected GM’s thoughts on styling at the time, the same motifs appearing on contemporary Holdens in Australia (the HJ-HX-HZ sedans (1974-1980) and the HJ-HX Monaro coupés (1974-1977).

Sales began in January and the critical response was polite, the performance noted as being about as good as could be expected at the time and the handling receiving the usual praise, one improvement of the Colonnade era which was real.  In a sign of the times, only an automatic transmission was offered and, in deference to California’s more exacting anti-pollution rules, Can Ams sold there were fitted with the less powerful Oldsmobile 403 cubic inch (6.6 litre) V8 also used in high-altitude regions.  Sales projections were initially a modest 2500 units but the public clearly liked the look, dealers reporting high demand so the production schedule was doubled and the first batch of just over a 1000 cars was shipped.  Unfortunately, it was at this point the hand-crafted mold used to form the ducktail spoiler broke and such had been the rush to market than there was no spare.  Had the distinctive molding not been such a prominent part of the Can Am’s marketing materials, perhaps it might have been possible to proceed spoiler-less but it was decided to cancel the programme.  Whether or not it’s an industry myth, the story has always been that because the Can Am depended on so many parts (especially the interior) from the parts bin of the fast-selling (and highly profitable) Grand Prix, Pontiac decided they’d rather have more of them.  Total Can Am production was apparently 1377 units and they’re now regarded with more fondness than much of the machinery from the malaise era, the rarity and flamboyance of the Colonnade lines gaining them a small but seemingly secure niche in the lower reaches of the collector market, the best-preserved examples achieving over US$50,000 at auction.

Lindsay Lohan in Falling for Christmas (Netflix, 2022).  Any structure, small or large which adopts the architectural language of the colonnade (an array of vertical pillar-like structures) can be said to be colonnaded.  These are doors with colonnaded windows.

Cosmopolite

Cosmopolite (pronounced koz-mop-uh-lahyt)

(1) A person cosmopolitan in their ideas, lifestyle, etc; one who is at home in every place; a citizen of the world; a cosmopolitan person.

(2) In biology, an animal or plant of worldwide distribution; having a wide geographical distribution.

(3) An alternative word for cosmopolitan (now rare to the point of being probably misleading).

(4) In lepidopterology, the painted lady butterfly (Vanessa cardui); the use restricted mostly to the US.

(5) In cultural anthropology, oriented, exposed to or open to ideas and influences outside one's own social system or group.

1590-1600: From the French cosmopolite (man of the world; citizen of the world), from the Latin cosmopolītēs from the Koine Greek κοσμοπολίτης (kosmopolítēs), (citizen of the world), the construct being the Ancient Greek κόσμος (kósmos) (world) + πολίτης (polítēs) (citizen (the pólis a “city or state)) + -ītēs (the noun forming suffix denoting adherence to someone or some school of thought.  The -ite suffix was from the French -ite, from the Old French, from the Latin -ītēs, from the Ancient Greek -ῑ́της (-ī́tēs).  It had a wide application including (1) the formation of nouns denoting the followers or adherents of a individual, doctrine or movement etc, (2) the formation of nouns denoting descendants of a certain historic (real or mythical) figure (widely used of biblical identities), (3) the formations of demonyms, (4) in geology the formation of nouns denoting rocks or minerals, (5) in archeology, the formation of nouns denoting fossil organisms, (6) in biology & pathology to form nouns denoting segments or components of the body or an organ of the body, (7) in industry & commerce to form nouns denoting the product of a specified process or manufactured product & (8) in chemistry to form names of certain chemical compounds (historically especially salts or esters of acids with names with the suffix -ous.  Cosmopolite and cosmopolitism are nouns; the noun plural is cosmopolites.

Cosmopolite was in common use in the seventeenth century but faded from used until a revival in the early 1800s though the use then was often derogatory (in the sense of hinting at a lack of patriotism towards one’s own state), a sense which has endured in instances such as comrade Stalin’s (1878-1953; Soviet leader 1924-1953) description of the Jews as “rootless cosmopolitans” and the critique of elites by those of the anti-globalist movement (and others) as “anywhere” people (as opposed to “somewhere” people” with a specific attachment to a nation-state.).

In the milieu of the Congress of Vienna (1814-1815) which convened to re-establish the primacy and stability of the nation-states after Napoleon’s Napoleon Bonaparte (1769–1821; leader of the French Republic 1799-1804 & Emperor of the French from 1804-1814 & 1815) supra-natural project was thwarted, the adjective cosmopolitan emerged in 1815.  It convey the sense of “one free from local, provincial, or national prejudices and attachments” and was an explicit development of cosmopolite (citizen of the world) on model of metropolitan (one who lives in a city).  In academic use (notably the embryonic discipline of sociology), by 1833 it meant “belonging to all parts of the world, limited to no place or society” and this was extended in political discourse by 1840 to “composed of people of all nations; multi-ethnic” although it seems to have been racially exclusive in application, the notion of a cosmopolitan then usually white.  The adoption as the title of the US women's magazine in 1886 was capitalism using the word in the elitist sense the publication’s buyers would thing a positive association.

Modern cosmopolite Lindsay Lohan wandering our little spot in the cosmos: Istanbul, Nice, Los Angeles & Mykonos (top row), Dubai, Athens, London & Tokyo (middle row) and Washington DC, Melbourne, New York & Venice (bottom row).

Although the idea of radical cosmopolitanism is assumed by many to be a modern concept and one associated with the implications of globalism and neo-liberalism, its antecedents long pre-date the thoughts of comrade Stalin or even the nineteenth century nationalists.  Cosmopolitanism as an expression of human unity was a feature of the philosophy of the Stoics of Antiquity, from Cleanthes (circa 330-circa 230 BC) & Seneca the Younger (circa 4 BC–65) to Cicero (106–43 BC) but long before them, there were the Cynics.  Diogenes the Kynic (from kyon & kynos (dog)) (circa 404-323 BC) was the founder of school and identified as a kosmopolitē on the basis of a rejection of the vanities of life: wealth, luxury and all that was not essential for mere survival.  The cosmopolism of the Cynics was an expression that the earthly, natural world provided all that was needed for a simple, satisfied life, thus Diogenes, except for his own existence, commanded nothing and owned nothing, living (according to the legend) in an upturned storage jar.  The life of the Cynics was thus simple but as unappealing to most Greeks as it would be to modern tastes, Diogenes’ explanation that the ability to manifest a non-coercive, emancipatory power (the power to control oneself) was a gift attainable only if worldly goods and ambitions were forsaken persuaded few.

Diogenes (1860), oil on canvas by Jean-Léon Gérôme (1824-1904).

Diogenes here is depicted in his “home” (an upturned earthenware tub in the Metroon, Athens).  He’s lighting the lamp in daylight with which it was his habit (later abandoned as futile) to wander the streets looking for “an honest man”, his companions the dogs which became emblematic of the Cynic’s (from the Greek kynikos (dog-like)) philosophy of an austere existence.

In his time though, he was a celebrity philosopher and though the tale may be apocryphal, the Greek writer and historian Plutarch (circa 46–circa 127) claimed even an intrigued Alexander III of Macedon (Alexander the Great, 356-323 BC), no stranger to the lure of wealth and power, sought a meeting.  When he visited Diogenes at Corinth, Alexander offered to grant the (doubtlessly scruffy and even dirty) Cynic any wish he’d care to make, the king receiving the famous reply: "Move away, you're blocking my sun".   That’s always been thought a demonstration of the striking autonomy enjoyed by the Cynics, “sovereign spirits” living an authentic life free from the intimidation and coercion of others or even their own unworthy desires.  Asked where it was from which he came, Diogenes is said to have replied: “I am a cosmopolite, a citizen of the cosmos”.  From that fragment of Cynical thought came not only the word cosmopolitan but the core of its meaning which endures still, the individual around whom moves the world from which the individual takes what he needs, the assertions of kings, nations and states that their sovereignty exists over spaces through which an individual may travel either unnoticed or ignored as irrelevant.  However impractical as a mode of existence in a civilized society, the internal logic is perfect because, the cosmopolite being a citizen of the cosmos (the universe), it’s possible to recognize it’s only the universal which deserves priority.

Satellite

Satellite (pronounced sat-l-ahyt)

(1) In astronomy, celestial body orbiting around a planet or star; a moon.

(2) In geopolitics, as “satellite state”, a country under the domination or influence of another.

(3) Something (a county, sub-national state, office, building campus etc), under the jurisdiction, influence, or domination of another entity; Subordinate to another authority, outside power, or the like (also known as a “satellite operation”, “satellite campus”, “satellite workshop” etc).

(4) An attendant or follower of another person, often subservient or obsequious in manner; a follower, supporter, companion, associate; lackey, parasite, sycophant, toady, flunky; now used usually in the derogatory sense of “a henchman” although, applied neutrally, it can be used of someone’s retinue or entourage (and even the machinery of a motorcade).

(5) A man-made device orbiting a celestial body (the earth, a moon, or another planet etc) and transmitting scientific information or used for communication; among astronomers and others form whom the distinction matters, man-made devices are sometimes referred to as “artificial satellites” to distinguish them for natural satellites such as the Earth’s Moon.  The standard abbreviation is “sat” and the situation in which a satellite is hit by some object while in orbit (which at the velocities involved can be unfortunate) is called a “sat-hit”.

(6) As “derelict satellite”, a man-made device (including the spent upper-stages of rockets) in orbit around a celestial body which has ceased to function.

(7) In medicine, a short segment of a chromosome separated from the rest by a constriction, typically associated with the formation of a nucleolus.

(8) In biology, a colony of microorganisms whose growth in culture medium is enhanced by certain substances produced by another colony in its proximity.

(9) In formal grammar, a construct that takes various forms and may encode a path of movement, a change of state, or the grammatical aspect (highly technical descriptor no longer used in most texts).

(10) In television, as satellite TV, the transmission and reception of television broadcasts (and used also in narrowcasting) using satellites in low-earth orbit.

(11) In the military terminology of Antiquity, a guard or watchman.

(12) In entomology, as satellite moth, the Eupsilia transversa, a moth of the family Noctuidae.

1540-1550: From the fourteenth century Middle French satellite, from the Medieval Latin satellitem (accusative singular of satelles) (attendant upon a distinguished person or office-holder, companion, body-guard. courtier, accomplice, assistant), from the Latin satelles, from the Old Latin satro (enough, full) + leyt (to let go) and listed usually as akin to the English “follow” although the association is undocumented.  Although the Latin origin is generally accepted, etymologists have pondered a relationship with the Etruscan, either satnal (klein) (again linked to the English “follow”) or a compound of roots: satro- (full; enough) + leit- (to go) (the English “follow” constructed of similar roots).  Satellite is a noun, verb & adjective and satellitic & satellitious are adjectives; the noun plural is satellites.  Satellitious (pertaining to, or consisting of, satellites) is listed by most dictionaries as archaic but is probably the best form to use in a derogatory sense, best expressed in the comparative (more satellitious) or the superlative (most satellitious).

Lindsay Lohan promoting the Sick Note series, TV & Satellite Week magazine, 21-27 July 2018.

The adjectival use is applied as required and this has produced many related terms including satellite assembly (use of committees or deliberative bodies created by a superior authority), satellite broadcasting (in this context distinguished from transmissions using physical (point-to-point) cables or ground-based relays), satellite campus, satellite DNA (in genetics, an array in  tandem of repeating, non-coding DNA), satellite-framing (in linguistics, the use of a grammatical satellite to indicate a path of motion, a change of state or grammatical aspect (as opposed to a verb framing)), satellite navigation (the use of electronic positioning systems which use data from satellites (often now as “SatNav”)) and satellite station (either (1) as ground-base facility used for monitoring or administrating satellites or (2) a manned facility in orbit such as the ISS (International Space Station)), satellite telephone (telephony using satellites as a transmission vector)

Sputnik 1 blueprint, 1957.

The original sense in the 1540s was "a follower or attendant of a superior person" but this use was rare before the late eighteenth century and it seemed to have taken until the 1910s before it was applied in a derogatory manner to suggest "an accomplice or accessory in crime or other nefarious activity” although the Roman statesman Cicero (Marcus Tullius Cicero, 106-43 BC) often used the Latin form in this way.  In the seventeenth century, as telescopes became available, the idea was extended to what was then thought to be "a planet revolving about a larger one" on the notion of "an attendant", initially a reference to the moons of Jupiter.  In political theory, the “satellite state” was first described in 1800, coined by John Adams (1735-1826; US president 1797-1801) in a discussion about the United States and its relationships with the other nations of the Americas although in geopolitics the term is most identified with the “buffer states”, the members of the Warsaw Pact which were within Moscow’s sphere of influence.  The familiar modern meaning of a "man-made machine orbiting the Earth" actually dates (as scientific conjecture) from 1936, something realized (to the surprise of most) in 1957 when the USSR launched Sputnik 1.  Sputnik was from the Russian спу́тник (sputnik) (satellite (literally "travelling companion” and in this context a shortened form of sputnik zemlyi (travelling companion of the Earth), from the Old Church Slavonic supotiniku, the construct being the Russian so- (as “s-“ (with, together)) + пу́тник (pútnik) (traveller), from путь (put) (way, path, journey) (from the Old Church Slavonic poti, from the primitive Indo-European pent- (to tread, go)) + ник (-nik) (the agent suffix).

Sputnik, 1957

Russian Sputnik postcard, 1957.

The launch of Sputnik shocked the American public which, in a milieu of jet aircraft, televisions and macropterous Cadillacs, had assumed their country was in all ways technologically superior to their Cold War enemy.  Launched into an elliptical low-Earth orbit, Sputnik was about twice the size of a football (soccer ball) and it orbited for some three more months before falling towards earth, the on-board batteries lasting long enough for it to broadcast radio pulses for the first three weeks, transmissions detectable almost anywhere on earth.  It sounds now a modest achievement but it needs to be regarded as something as significant as the Wright Flyer in 1903 travelling 200 feet (61 m), at an altitude of some 10 feet (3 m) and in the West the social and political impact was electrifying.  There were also linguistic ripples because, just as a generation later the Watergate scandal would trigger the –gate formations (which continue to this day), it wasn’t long before the –nik prefix (which had actually been a part of Yiddish word creation for at least a decade) gained popularity.  Laika, the doomed stray dog launched aboard Sputnik 2 in November 1957 was dubbed muttnik (although the claims it was the first living thing in space have since been disproved because "living" entities were both on board the Nazi V2 rockets (1944-1945) which often briefly entered the stratosphere and have long been present in the upper atmosphere where they’re ejected into space by natural atmospheric processes) while the early US satellites (quickly launched to display the nation’s scientific prowess) failed which gave the press the chance to coin kaputnik, blowupnik, dudnik, flopnik, pffftnik & stayputnik.

Sputnik 1's launch vehicle (left), the satellite as it orbited the earth (centre) and in expanded form (right. 

Although not a great surprise to either the White House or the Pentagon, the American public was shocked and both the popular and quality press depicted Sputnik’s success as evidence of Soviet technological superiority, stressing the military implications.    This trigged the space race and soon created the idea of the “missile gap” which would be of such significance in the 1960 presidential election and, although by the early 1960s the Pentagon knew the gap was illusory, the arms race continued and the count of missiles and warheads actually peaked in the early 1970s.  It also began a new era of military, technological, and scientific developments, leading most obviously to the moon landing in 1969 but research groups developed weapons such as the big inter-continental ballistic missiles (ICBMs) and missile defence systems as well as spy satellites.  Satellites were another step in the process of technology being deployed to improve communications.  When President Lincoln was assassinated in 1865, the news didn’t reach Europe until the fastest ship crossed the Atlantic a fortnight later.  By the time of President McKinley’s assassination in 1901, the news travelled around the world by undersea cables within minutes.  In 1963, while news of President Kennedy’s death was close to a global real-time event, those thousands of miles from the event had to wait sometimes twenty-four hours to view footage which was sent in film canisters by air.  By 1981, when an attempt was made on President Reagan’s life, television feeds around the planet were within minutes picking up live footage from satellites.

1967 Plymouth Satellite convertible.

Chrysler's Plymouth division introduced the Satellite on the corporation's intermediate ("B") platform in 1965 as the most expensive trim-option for the Belvedere line.  Offered initially only with two-door hardtop and convertible coach-work, the range of body-styles was later expanded to encompass four-door sedans and station wagons.  In a manner, typical of the way the industry applied their nomenclature as marketing devices to entice buyers, the Belvedere name was in 1970 retired while Satellite remained the standard designation until it too was dropped after 1974.

1970 Plymouth Road Runner, 440 6 Barrel.

Were it not for it being made available in 1966 with the 426 cubic inch (7.0 litre) Street Hemi V8, the Belvedere and Satellite would have been just another intermediate but with that option, it was transformed into a (slightly) detuned race-car which one could register for the road, something possible in those happier times.  The Street Hemi was an expensive option and relatively few were built but the demand for high-performance machinery was clear so in 1968, Plymouth released the Road Runner, complete with logos (licensed from the Warner Brothers film studio for US$50,000) and a “beep beep” horn which reputedly cost US$10,000 to develop.  The object was to deliver a high-performance machine at the lowest possible cost so the Road Runner used the basic (two-door, pillared) body shell and eschewed niceties like carpet or bucket seats, the only addition of note a tuned version of the 383 cubic inch (6.3 litre) V8 engine; for those who wanted more, the Street Hemi was optional.  Plymouth set what they thought were ambitious sales targets but demand was such that production had to be doubled and the reaction encouraged the usual proliferation, a hardtop coupé and convertible soon rounding out the range.

1970 Plymouth Hemi Road Runner Superbird.

The option list later expanded to include the six-barrel version of the 440 cubic inch (7.2 litre) V8, a much cheaper choice than the Street Hemi and one which (usually) displayed better manners on the street while offering similar performance until travelling well over 100 mph (160 km/h) although it could match the Hemi’s sustained delivery of top-end power which, with the right gearing, would deliver a top speed in excess of 150 mph (240 km/h), something of little significance to most.  However, by the early 1970s sales were falling.  The still embryonic safety and emission legislation played a small part in this but overwhelmingly the cause was the extraordinary rise in insurance premiums being charged for the highset-performance vehicles, something which disproportionately affected the very buyers at which the machines were targeted: single males aged 19-29.  However, the platform endured long enough to provide the basis for the Road Runner Superbird, a “homologation special” produced in limited numbers to qualify the frankly extreme aerodynamic modifications for use in competition.  At the time, the additions were too radical for some buyers and dealers unable to find buyers were forced to convert the things back to standard specifications to shift them from their lots but they’re now prized collectables, the relatively few with the Street Hemi especially sought.

1971 Plymouth Hemi Road Runner.

The intermediate line was revised in 1971 using the then current corporate motif of “fuselage styling” and it was probably more aesthetically pleasing there than when applied to the full-sized cars which truly were gargantuan.  The 1971 Satellites used distinctly different bodies for the two and four-door models and while there were no more convertibles, the Street Hemi and six-barrel 440 enjoyed a swansong season although sales were low, the muscle car era almost at an end.