Orifice

Orifice (pronounced awr-uh-fis or or-uh-fis)

A mouth, opening or aperture, as of a tube or pipe; a mouth-like opening or hole; mouth; vent (mostly technical or medical use).

1535–1545: From the Middle English orifice (an opening, a mouth or aperture), from the Old French & Middle French orifice (the opening of a wound), from the Late Latin ōrificium (an opening (literally "the making of a mouth")), the construct being Latin ōr- (stem of ōs (genitive oris)) (mouth (and related to "oral")) + fic- (combining form of facere; facio) (to make, to do) + -ium (the noun suffix).  The root of facere was the primitive Indo-European dhe- (to set, put).  The rare adjectival form is orificial; neither orificish or orificesque apparently exist.

Miss Schilling’s Orifice

Rolls-Royce Merlin V12.

Fuel to early versions of the twenty-seven litre (1648 cubic inch) Rolls-Royce Merlin V12 engine was supplied with a carburetor, putting the pilots in the Merlin-powered Spitfires and Hurricanes at a disadvantage against the German Messerschmitt BF109 fighters which used a fuel-injected Daimler-Benz DB601 inverted V12.  In the British planes, during a negative G-force maneuver (pitching the nose hard down), fuel was forced upwards to the top of the carburetor's float chamber rather than into the combustion chamber, leading to a loss of power. If the negative G continued, the fuel would collect in the top of the float chamber, forcing the float to the bottom. This in turn would open the needle valve to maximum, flooding the carburetor with fuel, drowning the supercharger with an over-rich mixture which would shut down the engine, a serious matter in aerial combat.

Battle of Britain era Hawker Hurricane Mk IIA and Supermarine Spitfire Mk II.

Ms Beatrice “Tilly” Shilling (1909-1990) was a pre-modern rarity, a female engineer and amateur racing driver.  While employed as an engineer at the Royal Aircraft Establishment (RAE) at Farnborough she worked on the fuel delivery problem, concluding quickly the only complete solution for fuel starvation was a pressurized fuel system such as the direct injection on the Daimler-Benz V12s but that such a development would take months to design, test, manufacture and install.  However, as a stop-gap measure, she designed a flow restrictor: a small metal disc with a central orifice, looking much like a plain metal washer.  The restrictor orifice was sized to accommodate just the fuel flow needed for maximum engine power, the setting usually used during dogfights and it solved the immediate, critical, problem of the engine shutdowns following flooding.  Officially named the RAE Restrictor or RAE Anti “G” Carburetor, the device proved popular with pilots, who much preferred to call it Miss Shilling's orifice or the Tilly orifice.  The simple and elegant solution proved effective until pressurized carburetors (essentially throttle-body injection, a simplified version of the Daimler-Benz direct fuel injection) were developed which permitted even inverted flight.  With a backpack of RAE Restrictors, she toured RAF airfields on her motor-bike instructing and assisting the maintenance crews with the installation of the devices.

RAE Anti "G" carburetor restrictor plate instruction sheet.

Ms Shilling was a serious engineer making an important contribution to the war effort and was not amused by the nick-names for her invention but reportedly regarded it as something typical of minds of men and carried on with her work.  The orifice was but a footnote in the history of the Merlin and the Allied war effort but did typify the improvisation and speed with which British industry developed "quick & dirty" solutions, especially in the early days of the war.

Tent

Tent (pronounced tent)

(1) A portable shelter of skins, canvas, plastic, or the like, supported by one or more poles or a frame and often secured by ropes fastened to pegs in the ground.

(2) Something that resembles a tent (often as tent-like).

(3) A type of frock (usually as tent-dress).

(4) In casual political discourse (popularized by US President (1963-1969) Lyndon Johnson (1908-1973) (as “inside the tent”) a term to distinguish between those inside or outside the institutionalized political system.

(5) To give or pay attention to; to heed (Scots; largely archaic).

(6) In first-aid (medicine), a roll or pledget, usually of soft absorbent material, as lint or gauze, for dilating an orifice, keeping a wound open, etc.

(7) A red table wine from Alicante, Spain (obsolete).

(8) A sixteenth century word for a dark-colored tint (from the Spanish tinto (obsolete)).

(9) A portable pulpit set up outside to accommodate worshippers who cannot fit into a church (Scots; largely archaic).

1250–1300: From the Middle English tente (a probe) from the twelfth century Old French tente (tent, hanging, tapestry) from the Latin tenta, (a tent; literally literally "something stretched out”), noun use of feminine singular of the Latin tentus, (stretched), past participle of tendere (to extend; stretch) from the primitive Indo-European root ten (to stretch).  Technically, the Old French tente was a noun derivative of tenter from the Latin tentāre, variant of temptāre (to probe, test, to try). Despite some sources claiming the Latin tentōrium translates literally as “tent”, the correct meaning rather “something stretched out” from tendere (to extend; stretch); related was the Latin temptāre, source of the modern “tempt”.

In Middle English, tent (noun) (attention) was an aphetic variant of attent from the Old French atente (attention, intention) from the Latin attenta, feminine of attentus, past participle of attendere (to attend).  Word thus evolved in meaning to describe a structure of stretched fabric under which people could attend events.  The French borrowing wholly displaced the native Middle English tild & tilt (tent, til”) from the Old English teld (tent). The closest in Spanish is tienda (store, shop; tent).  The verb sense of "to camp in a tent" is attested from 1856, "to pitch a tent" noted a few years earlier.  The modern sense of tent and the relationship to words related to “stretch” is that the first tents were ad-hoc structures, created by stretching hides over wooden framework.  In arachnology, the Tent caterpillar, first recorded 1854, gained its name from the tent-like silken webs in which, gregariously they live.

FBI director J Edgar Hoover & President Johnson, the White House, 1967.

The phrase “inside the tent” is a bowdlerized version of words most frequently attributed to Lyndon Johnson (1908–1973 (LBJ); US president 1969-1969) explaining why, on assuming the presidency, he chose not to act on his original inclination (and the recommendation of some of his advisors) not to renew the appointment of J Edgar Hoover (1895–1972; director of US Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) 1924-1972): “Well, it’s probably better to have him inside the tent pissing out, than outside the tent pissing in.”  That may have been sound political judgement from one of the most Machiavellian operators of the modern age but an indication also of the fear (shared by not a few others) of what damaging and even incriminating information about LBJ Hoover may have locked in his secret files.

Lord Beaverbrook & Winston Churchill, Canada, 1941.

LBJ’s sometimes scatological references often involved bodily functions but much of it drew on the earthy language he learned from decades of political horse trading in Texas, another favourite when speaking of decision-making being: “There comes a point when you have to piss or get off the pot”.  Nor were the words used of Hoover original, the earliest known references in exchanges in the early twentieth century between the Arabists in the UK’s Foreign Colonial offices as “…keeping the camel inside the tent”.  In the vein of the US State Department’s later “He might be a son of a bitch but he’s our son of a bitch”, it was an acknowledgement often it was desirable to in some way appease the odd emir so that he might remain an annoying but manageable nuisance rather than a potentially dangerous enemy.  When it came to colonial fixes, the foreign office had rare skills.  Winston Churchill (1875-1965; UK prime-minister 1940-1945 & 1951-1955) recycled the joke in 1940 when, after being advised by George VI (1895–1952; King of the United Kingdom 1936-1952) not to include Lord Beaverbrook (Maxwell Aitken, 1879-1964) in his administration, the king’s concerns including being well aware of why the press lord had gained his nickname “been a crook”.

House minority leader Gerald Ford & President Johnson, the White House, 1967.

One quip however does seem to be original, LBJ’s crude humor the source also of the phrase “walk and chew gum”, used to refer to the ability (or inability) of governments to focus on more than one issue.  It was a sanitized version of a comment made by LBJ after watching a typically pedestrian television performance by Gerald Ford (1913–2006; US president 1974-1977), then minority leader (Republican) in the House of Representatives: “Jerry Ford is so dumb he can't fart and chew gum at the same time.”  There was a time when that might never have been reported but times were changing and it was printed in the press as “Gerald Ford can't walk and chew gum at the same time.”

Of tents, sacks & maxi

The tent dress, also known as the "A-line", picked up both names because of the similarity of the trapezoid shape to an A-frame tent or building and was one of a number of garments which emerged in the 1960s when women's fashion retreated from the cinch-waisted, tailored lines mainstream manufacturers mass-produced in the 1950s.  Because the sheer volume of fabric, they were popular with some designers who used vivid psychedelic imagery in the patterns, a nod to the hippie vibe of the time.

Crooked Hillary Clinton in tent dress, The Hamptons, 2019.

Designed originally to be functional, comfortable and ageless, tent dresses have no waistline and are worn without belts; they’re thus essentially shapeless and while they don't exactly hide flaws, they certainly don't cling to them so can (sort of) flatter a shape to the extent it's possible, even though they actually accentuate width.  About once every fashion cycle, and never with great success, the industry pushes the tent dress as one of the trends of that season, the attempt in 2007 still regarded in the industry as a cautionary tale of how things shouldn't be done.

Tent dresses, made from a variety of fabrics, obviously have a lot of surface area so there's much scope to experiment with colors, patterns and graphics, the garments offered in everything from solid hues, subtle patterning, bold strips and, most famously, wild arrays of colors seemingly chosen deliberately to clash.  Given their purpose, most are long-sleeved or at least with a sleeve reaching the upper forearms and while the length can vary (some actually better described as loose shirts), the classic tent dress is knee or calf-length.

Sack dresses by Hubert de Givenchy (1927–2018), Spring Summer 1958 collection, Paris 1957.

Nor should the sack-line be confused with the tent.  Givenchy’s sack-line debuted in their spring-summer line in 1957, Cristóbal Balenciaga (1895-1972) showing a not dissimilar style just a few weeks later.  Both were essentially an evolution of the “Shirt Dress” which had attracted some attention the previous season and signaled a shift from the fitted, structured silhouettes which had been the signature motif of the decade.  The sack-line dresses were described by some critics as “shapeless” or “formless”, presumably because they lacked any suggestion of the waistline which had existed for so long as fashion’s pivot-point.  However, the forms the sack-line took would have been recognizable to anyone familiar with fluid dynamics or the flow of air in wind tunnels, a waistless dress which narrowed severely towards the hem one of the optimal aerodynamic shapes.

That was presumably a coincidence but Givenchy’s press-kits at the 1957 shows did claim that “More than a fashion, it’s actually a way of dressing” and one which must have found favor with at least some women, not unhappy at being able to ditch the forbidding and restrictive, high-waisted girdles needed to achieve the wasp-wasted “New Look” which Dior had introduced to a post-war world anxious to escape wartime austerity.  Waistless, the sack-line appeared to hang suspended from the shoulders like an envelope around the frame yet despite not being body-hugging, the lines managed to accentuate the figure, the trick being using the mind of the observer to "fill in the gaps", based on available visual clues.  The simplicity of the sack line made it the ideal canvas on which to display other stuff, models in sacks soon showing off gloves, hats, shoes and other adornments and the elegant austerity of the lines remains influential today.

Maxi dresses are not tent dresses.  Lindsay Lohan in maxi dresses illustrates the difference.

Not all enveloping dresses, of which the vaguely defined “maxi” is probably the best known example, are tent dresses.  What really distinguishes the tent dress is that it’s waistless and in the shape of a regular trapezoid, hence the alternative name “A-line” whereas the point of the maxi is that it’s ankle-length, the antithesis of the mini skirt which could be cut as high up the thigh as any relevant statutes and the wearer’s sense of daring permitted.  Extreme in length, the maxi typically had at least something of a waist although some with severe perpendicular lines certainly could be classified as sacks.

Vagina & Vulva

Vagina (pronounced vuh-jahy-nuh)

(1) In anatomy & zoology, in many female mammals, the moist, tube-shaped canal part of the reproductive tract which runs from the cervix of the uterus through the vulva (technically between the labia minora) to the outside of the body.

(2) In botany, the sheath formed by the basal part of certain leaves where they embrace the stem.

(3) A sheath-like part or organ (now rare even in technical literature).

(4) In colloquial (and now general) use, the vulva, or the vulva and vaginal passage collectively.

(5) In derogatory colloquial use, an un-masculine man; a weakling (now rare, “pussy” the preferred modern term).

1675-1685: A creation of Medical Latin, a learned borrowing of the Latin vāgīna.  As used in anatomy, the seventeenth century coining was a specialized application of the Latin vāgīna (a sheath, scabbard; a covering, holder; sheath of an ear of grain, hull, husk) of uncertain origin, the suggestion by some etymologists it may have been cognate with the Lithuanian vožiu & vožti (to cover with a hollow thing) dismissed by others as “speculative” or even “gratuitous proposal”.  The use in medicine is exclusive to modern science, the Latin word not used thus during Antiquity.  Vagina is a noun, vaginal & vaginalike are adjectives, vaginally is an adverb; the noun plural is vaginas or vaginae (the old spelling vaginæ is effectively extinct); the part of the anatomy used for copulation & childbirth in female mammals and a similar organ exists in some invertebrates.

A damp Lindsay Lohan demonstrates the “cameltoe” look, Los Angeles, 2009 (left) and NoToe's “Cameltoe Proof Thong” solution (right).

Borrowed from zoology, “cameltoe” is popular modern slang which specifically references the vulva's labia majora, comparing the bifurcated (at certain angles) appearance with the even-toed hoof of a camel, the hooves of the ungulate mammals (known as Artiodactyls) an adaptation to the typically loose, sandy environment in which they evolved.  The slang form (also as camel toe & camel-toe) was re-purposed as “Cameltoe Harris”, a derogatory reference to Kamala Harris (b 1964; VPOTUS (US vice president) 2021-2025), use seemingly dating from 2015 while she was serving in California as attorney-general.  Just as in many fields where “there’s an app for that”, for those wishing to avoid the look, “there are knickers for that”.  Brisbane-based Australian operation NoToe's Cameltoe Proof Thong is made with “a Nylon/Spandex blend”, the design said to be “…breathable, seamless, tagless and roll-free thanks to its silicone grip.  And of course, it's cameltoe proof!”  In addition to removing the cameltoe, the thong also eliminates the dreaded VPL (visible panty line) and the product is “Designed Down Under for Down Under.”  One more gap in the market has been filled so that's good.

The vluva and vagina have for centuries attracted the coining of slang terms, not all of them derogatory.  In idiomatic use “vaginamoney” is (often embittered) slang for alimony, child support etc, money paid by men to ex-partners after the sundering of a relationship.  One slang form which may not survive is "hairy check book" (cheque book outside the US) because (1) checks are declining in use and (2) body-hair fashions have changed.  In psychiatry, the condition vaginaphobic describes “a fear of or morbid aversion to vaginas) and vaginaphile (an admiration for vaginas) is listed by only some dictionaries which is surprising given authors are so often given to write about them and painters are drawn to painting them (in the sense of oil on canvas etc although there’s doubtless a niche for applying paint directly).  Dating from 1908, the term “vagina dentata” entered psychiatry and its popularization is usually attributed Austrian psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud (1856-1939) although this perception may be attributable to Freud’s works being better known and more widely read, the term used by many in the profession.  The Latin vagina dentata (toothed vagina) referenced the folk mythology in which a woman's vagina contained teeth, the implication being a consequence of sex might be emasculation or at least severe injury.  The tale was also used as a warning about having sex with unknown women and as a way of discouraging rape.  The vivid imagery of a vagina dentata (in somewhat abstract form) was used by the US military as a warning about the dangers of STIs (sexually transmitted infection (once known as sexually transmitted diseases (STD) & VD (venereal disease).  Some writers have speculated on what this revealed about Freud and his much discussed understanding of women.

Vulva (pronounced vuhl-vuh)

(1) The external female genitalia of female mammals (including the labia, mons veneris, clitoris and vaginal orifice.

(2) In helminthology, a protrusion on the side of a nematode (multivulva used to describe a phenotype of nematode characterized by multiple vulvas).

(3) In arachnology, the spermatheca and associated ducts of the female reproductive system (also known as internal epigyne or internal genitalia).

(4) An internal genital structure in female millipedes (known also as the cyphopod).

Late 1300s: A learned borrowing from the Latin vulva, from the earlier volva (womb, female sexual organ) (perhaps in the literal sense of a “wrapper”), from volvere (to turn, twist, roll, revolve (also “turn over in the mind”)), probably from volvō (to turn, to roll, to wrap around), from the primitive Indo-European root wel- (to turn, revolve), the derivatives referring to curved, enclosing objects.  In the 1970s, when Volvo automobiles weren’t noted for their precise handling, journalists enjoyed noted the translation of the Latin volvō as: “I roll”.   It was akin to the Sanskrit उल्ब (úlba) (womb).  The adjectives vulvalike (also vulva-like) & vulviform both describe objects or designs having the shape of a vulva.  Vulva is a noun, vulval, vulvaless, vulviform, vulvar, vulvate & vulvic are adjectives; the noun plural is vulvas, vulvae or vulvæ.

Ms Gillian Anderson’s “vagina dress”

Gillian Anderson, Golden Globes award ceremony 2024.

So much interest was generated by the dress (which the designer dubbed “vulvalicious”) that the handbag (there are those who would insist it’s a “purse”) escaped much attention which was a shame because it was a clever design.  Aquazzura’s Mini Purist Metallic Pouch blends the utilitarian function of the classic night-time mini bag with the swinging style of a shoulder bag, imagined as a semi-circle.  What the adjustable silver shoulder strap afforded was the choice of it being carried off the shoulder or, if removed, used as a conventional handbag, the hard golden top handle folding from the base.  The semi-circle is of course a less than efficient shape for a handbag (or purse) in the sense of a "storage device" but it gives the stylists a nice curve with which to work.  

There’s nothing novel in the critical deconstruction of what appears on red carpets but the dress worn by actor Gillian Anderson (b 1968) at the 2024 Golden Globe ceremony also attracted the attention of word nerds.  Designed by Gabriela Hearst (b 1976), the strapless, ivory corset gown was embroidered with individually stitched embellishments in the shape of vulvas, each of which absorbed some 3½ hours of the embroider’s time.  In an allusion to her sexual wellness brand (G spot), when interviewed, Ms Anderson said she wore the piece: “…for so many reasons. It’s brand appropriate.”  The response in the press and on-line appeared to be (mostly) positive but what did attract criticism was the widespread use of “vagina” to describe the designs, a descriptor used even by Ms Anderson herself.  The more strident of the critics seemed to detect sexual politics in what they claimed was anatomical imprecision, the implication being this lack of respect for gynaecological terminology was casual misogyny: Doubts were cast anyone would dare confuse a scrotum with the testicles.

Annotated anatomical sketch (left) Edsel Citation convertible (centre) and the detail on Gabriela Hearst's gown (right).  Although Ms Anderson probably didn't give the 1958 Edsel a thought, it does illustrate why her use of "vagina" to describe the embroidered motifs is defensible.

The pedants are correct in that technically the “vulva” describes on the external portion of the genitalia that leads to the vagina; the vulva including the labia majora, labia minora, and clitoris.  The labia is also a complex structure which includes the labia majora (the thick, outer folds of skin protecting the vulva’s internal structure) and the labia minora (the thin, inner folds of skin directly above the vagina).  However, for almost a hundred years, the term “vagina” has widely been used to refer to the vulva and has come to function as a synecdoche for the entire female genitalia and so prevalent has the use become that even medical professionals use “vagina” thus unless great precision is required.  Still, given Ms Anderson’s brand is concerned with such matters, perhaps the historically correct use might have been better but the actor herself noted “…it has vaginas on it” so linguistically, her proprietorial rights should be acknowledged.

The Edsel, the grill and the myths

1958 Edsel Citation convertible.

Although it went down in industrial history as one of capitalism’s most expensive failures, objectively, Ford Motor Corporation’s Edsel really wasn’t a dramatically worse car than the company’s companion brands Ford & Mercury.  Indeed that was one of the reasons for the failure in the market; sharing platforms, engines, transmissions, suspension and some body parts with Fords & Mercurys, the thing simply lacked sufficient product differentiation.  That sharing of components (and assembly plants; Ford sending the Edsels down the existing production lines in the same factories) also makes it hard to believe the often quoted US$300 million (between US$2.5-3 billion expressed in 2025 values) Ford booked as a loss against the abortive venture as anything but an opportunity taken by the accountants to dump all the bad news in one go, certain taxation advantages also able to be gained with this approach. 

1959 Edsel Corsair two-door hardtop.

The very existence of Edsel was owed to a system devised by Alfred P Sloan (1875–1966) while president of General Motors (GM).  Sloan is now mostly forgotten by all but students of industrial & economic history but he was instrumental in the development some of the concepts which underpinned the modern economy including frequent product changes (for no functional purpose), planned obsolescence and consumer credit.  What the "Sloan ladder" did was provide GM’s customers with a structured incremental status indicator, defined by a range of products (with substantial cross-amortization) at price points which encouraged them to “step up” to the next level as disposable income increased.  At one point, GM’s brand-range had nine rungs but the Great Depression of the 1930s necessitated some pruning and, after a cull in 1931 cut the brands to six, what eventually emerged after 1940 was a five rung system which would be sustained until the twenty-first century: Chevrolet, Pontiac, Oldsmobile, Buick & Cadillac.  In the 1950s, when the US economy enjoyed the unusual conjunction of rising incomes, stable prices and a remarkably (by both historic and contemporary standards) small disparity between the wealth of rich and poor, this produced the swelling middle class which was the target market for most consumer products and certainly those on the Sloan ladder.  Ford had in 1938 added a rung when the Mercury brand was spliced between Ford and Lincoln but in the mid 1950s, the MBAs convinced the company the Sloan system was the key to GM’s lead in the market and they too re-structured the company’s products into five rungs: Ford, Mercury, Edsel, Lincoln & Continental.  Actually, in a harbinger, the loss-making Continental Division lasted barely two seasons, folded into Lincoln before the Edsel debuted for the 1958 model year but the MBAs kept the faith.

1958 Edsel (left) and 1958 Oldsmobile (right).  One can see why someone at Time magazine thought of "an Oldsmobile sucking a lemon".

That faith turned out to be misplaced although in fairness to them, the circumstances in 1958 were unfortunate, a short but sharp recession shocking consumers who had become accustomed to growth and stability, believing that such unpleasantness belonged to the pre-war past.  The Edsel never recovered.  Although sales in 1958 were disappointing, given the state of the economy, it could have been worse but Ford’s market research (focus groups a thing even then) had identified problems and in response toned down the styling and moved the brand down-market, notionally to sit between Ford & Mercury, a gap which in retrospect didn’t exist.  Sales dropped that year by about a third and the writing was on the wall although, surprising many, a pared-down Edsel range was released for 1960 using Ford’s re-styled bodies but not many were fooled and fewer than 3000 left the factory before late in 1959 the end of the brand quietly was announced.

1938 Frazer-Nash BMW 328 Roadster with the grill's centre bars in non-standard red (top left), 1959 BMW 507 (top right), 1971 BMW 3.0 CSL (E9), one of the 169 first series leichtbau (light construction) CSLs with twin downdraft Zenith carburetors) (bottom left) and 2022 BMW M4-Competition-xDrive Convertible (G82, bottom right).

Ford might have felt the Edsel was criticized unfairly (at least on a anatomical basis) because, since the 303 in 1933, BMW had been fitting grills which blatantly were “cameltoesque” in appearance although perhaps they escaped opprobrium because it wasn’t until 1962 with the release of 1500 (the so-called Neue Klasse (New Class, 1962-1972)) the design assumed aspect ratios close to that of the typical human female, exemplified by the elegant E9 coupés (1968-1975).  BMW also came to use physiology as a descriptor for the style but delved deeper, preferring the gender-neutral “twin kidney”.  Interestingly, for the lovely 507 roadsters (1956-1959) the twin apertures were stretched wide and the look was greeted with acclaim (Pontiac, with aplomb, taking up the “twin-grill” concept) and it wasn’t until the huge, gaping apparatuses of the twenty-first century appeared that the style Nazis condemned the look as “absurd”.  The deep and wide-set grills of the BMWs of the 2020s are the cameltoe at scale and for those who question the anatomical reference because they doubt “wide set vaginas” are a thing, their existence was confirmed in Mean Girls (2004).

1960 Edsel Ranger Sedan.  By 1960, the Edsel really was a "blinged-up" Ford and the 34 days it was in production happened only to fulfil contractual obligations and avoid tiresome legal proceedings.

Although it began as something more than a "blinged-up" Ford, the Edsel wasn't that much more and it failed because for such a hyped product it was a disappointment and in that it can be compared to something like the administration of Barack Obama (b 1961; POTUS (US president) 2009-2017).  Barack Obama was not a bad president and he didn’t lead a bad government, indeed most objective analysts rate his term as “above average” (the perhaps biased Donald Trump (b 1946; POTUS 2017-2021 and since 2025) dissenting from this view) but he disappointed because he promised so much, the soaring rhetoric (“highfalutin nonsense” as the press baron Lord Beaverbrook (1879-1964) would have put it) offering hope and change never realized.  There was also the Edsel’s styling.  There was much clumsiness in the detailing (although almost the whole US industry was similarly afflicted in 1958) but the single most polarizing aspect was the vertical grill assembly, controversial not because it was a regression to something which had become unfashionable in the “longer, lower, wider” era but because of the shape which to some suggested a woman’s vulva.  Some used the words “vagina” or “genitalia” but in those more polite times some publications were reluctant to use such words in print and preferred to suggest the grill resembled a “horse collar” or “toilet seat” although the latter was (literally) a bit of a stretch and anyway already used of some of the trunk (boot) lids on Chryslers styled to excess by Virgil Exner (1909–1973); more memorable was Time magazine’s “an Oldsmobile sucking a lemon”.

Quirkiness coming & going: 1958 Edsel Bermuda “Woody” station wagon.

The “woody” nickname was applied to the station wagons from all manufacturers although after the early 1950s the “wood” was a combination of fibreglass and the DI-NOC plastic appliqué, the look intended to evoke that of the partially timbered-bodied station wagons in production until the early 1950s.  Strangely, Chrysler and Mercury in the 1960s even did a few convertibles with the stuff glued on (recalling some earlier such things from the 1940s which used real wood), the former later unable to resist the temptation for the vaguely cartoonesque LeBaron Town & Country convertible (1983-1984).  Ford’s attempt in the 1960s to persuade British & Australian buyers of station wagons DI-NOC was charming proved brief and unsuccessful but in the domestic market the popularity lasted until 1990s.  As much as the sedans and convertibles, Edsel station wagons were just as unwanted.  The Bermuda was offered only for the 1958 model year and it sold a dismal 2,235, with 779 of the nine-seater version with an additional row of seating in the rear section, a configuration always popular with US buyers in the era of larger families and before the age of mini-vans and SUVs (sports utility vehicles).  The three-row Bermuda was the rarest of the 1958 Edsels but collectors still price them below the convertibles, reflecting the usual practice in which (with the odd exception), convertible coach-work trumps all other styles.  If the vulva-themed front end was confronting, there was a strangeness too at the rear, the turn-indicator lights in the shape of an arrow, a traditional symbol to indicate one's intended direction of travel but bizarrely, the Edsel’s arrows pointed the opposite way, something necessitated by the need to blend the shape with that of the body’s side moldings.  In little more than two years, Edsel went from "too much, too soon", to "too little, too late".

1959 Edsel Villager 6 passenger Station Wagon.

Like the grill, for 1959 the tail of the station wagon was toned-down from bizarre to baroque.  It didn’t much stimulate demand and only 5,687 were sold while in the same season, Ford shifted 147,748 station wagons (123,412 Country Sedans & 24,336 Country Squires).  In 1958 the relationship between the Villager & Bermuda had reflected that of Ford’s Country Sedan to the more expensive (and DI-NOCed) Country Squire and while Ford would for decades top the station wagon sales charts, after 1960 the only more expensive versions offered by the corporation would be Mercurys.  As a footnote, along with the Ranger, the Villager did survive as part of the quixotic 1960 range when a mere 275 left the line, lending it the dubious distinction of being the rarest Edsel station wagon.  Despite that usually compelling statistic, collectors still prefer the 1958 & 1959 wagons, probably because the 1960 models lack the distinctive grill which is the most identifiable part of an Edsel's once dubious "brand identity".

A J.D. Vance meme with sofa (in US memes referred to usually as a "couch").

The Edsel ran its historic race more than a decade before the Watergate scandal so there was never a "grillgate" or "Edselgate" but the vulva did in 2024 return to the news with couchgate-themed memes.  In July that year, a post appeared on X (formerly known as Twitter) claiming there was a passage in J.D. Vance’s (b 1984; VPOTUS since 2025) book Hillbilly Elegy: A Memoir of a Family and Culture in Crisis (2016) in which the then Ohio senator (Republican) boasted of having enjoyed a sexual act with a latex glove, strategically placed between a sofa’s cushions.

It was fake news and nothing in the book even hinted at such an experience but quickly the post went viral; it once could take years for urban myths to spread around a few counties but in the social media age such things wiz around the planet in minutes.  Quickly the tale was debunked but couchgate was a popular choice among the meme-makers and it says something about US politics that so many really wanted to believe "couchgate" was true.  Whether latex glove sales rose because suddenly there were those wishing to experience the hopefully novel technique, isn't known.

After Pope Francis (1936-2025; pope 2013-2025) died, posts began to circulate noting that hours before he dropped dead he'd had an audience with recent Catholic-convert J.D. Vance and comparisons were made with the death of Elizabeth II (1926-2022; Queen of the UK 1952-2022) coming barely 48 hours after meeting Liz Truss (b 1975; UK prime-minister Sep-Oct 2022).  The pope of course was head of the Roman Catholic Church and the queen was Supreme Governor of the Church of England and it seemed striking both should succumb so soon after the pleasure of their conversation with a right-wing fanatic.  Just bad luck.

For most of the republic's existence, holders of the office of vice-president tended to be obscure figures noted only if they turned out to be crooks like Spiro Agnew (1918–1996; VPOTUS 1969-1973) or assumed the presidency in one circumstance or another and during the nineteenth century there was a joke about two brothers: “One ran off to sea and the other became vice-president; neither were ever heard from again.”  That was an exaggeration but it reflected the general view of the office which has few formal duties and can only ever be as powerful or influential as a president allows although the incumbent is “a heartbeat from the presidency”.  John Nance Garner III (1868–1967, VPOTUS 1933-1941), a reasonable judge of these things, once told Lyndon Johnson (LBJ, 1908–1973; VPOTUS 1961-1963 & POTUS 1963-1969) being VPOTUS was “not worth a bucket of warm piss” (which in polite company usually is sanitized as “...bucket of warm spit”).  In the US, a number of VPOTUSs have become POTUS  and some have worked out well although of late the record has not been encouraging, the presidencies of Lyndon Johnson, Richard Nixon (1913-1994; VPOTUS 1953-1961, POTUS 1969-1974) and Joe Biden (b 1942; VPOTUS 2008-2017, POTUS 2021-2025) all ending badly, in despair, disgrace and decrepitude respectively.

Still, in the post-war years, the VPOTUS has often assumed a higher profile or been judged to be more influential, the latter certainly true of Dick Cheney (b 1941; VPOTUS 2001-2009) and some have even been given specific responsibilities such as LBJ’s role as titular head of the space program (which worked out well) or Kamala Harris co-ordinating the response to difficulties on the southern border (a role in which either she failed or never attempted depending on the source).  So wonderfully unpredictable is Donald Trump that quite what form the Vance VPOTUSship will assume is guesswork but conspiracy theorists already are speculating part of MAGA forward-planning is to have Mr Vance elected POTUS in 2028, simply as part of a work-around in a constitutional jigsaw puzzle.

The conspiracy revolves around the words in Section 1 of the Twenty-second Amendment: “No person shall be elected to the office of the President more than twice” and even the most optimistic MAGA lawyers concede not even Brett Kavanaugh (b 1965; SCOTUS associate justice since 2018) or Clarence Thomas (b 1948; SCOTUS since 1991) could construct an interpretation which would allow Mr Trump to be elected for a third term.  The constitution is however silent on whether any person may serve a third (or fourth, or fifth!) term so that makes possible the following sequence.

(1) In the 2028 election J.D.Vance is elected POTUS and somebody else (matters not who) is elected VPOTUS.

(2) J.D. Vance and somebody else (matters not who) are sworn into office as POTUS & VPOTUS respectively.

(3) Somebody else (matters not who) resigns as VPOTUS.

(4) J.D. Vance appoints Donald Trump as VPOTUS who is duly sworn-in.

(5) J.D. Vance resigns as POTUS and, as the constitution dictates. Donald Trump becomes POTUS and is duly sworn-in.

(6) Donald Trump appoints J.D.Vance as VPOTUS.

Whatever the politics, constitutionally, there is nothing controversial about those six steps because there’s a precedent, the sequence following what happened between 1968 when Nixon & Agnew were elected POTUS and VPOTUS and 1974 when the offices were held respectively by Gerald Ford (1913–2006; VPOTUS 1973-1974 & POTUS 1974-1977) and Nelson Rockefeller (1908–1979; VPOTUS 1974-1977), neither of the latter pair having been elected.  Of course, in January 2029 somebody else (matters not who) would be a “left-over” but he (it seems a reasonable assumption somebody else (matters not who) will be male) can, depending on this and that, be appointed something like Secretary of Agriculture or a to sinecure such as an ambassadorship to a nice (non-shithole) country with a pleasant climate and a majority white population.

Bottle

Bottle (pronounced bot-l)

(1) A portable vessel, usually of plastic or glass (the original containers of this type were of leather) and typically (though by no means exclusively) cylindrical with a narrow neck that can be closed with a cap or cork, for containing liquids

(2) The contents of such a container; as much as such a container contains.

(3) As “the bottle”, a verbal shorthand for alcohol, strong drink, intoxicating beverages; liquor.

(4) To put into or seal in a bottle.

(5) To preserve (usually fruits or vegetables) by heating to a sufficient temperature and then sealing in a jar (not a common use in the US).

1325–1375: From the Middle English botel (bottle, flask, wineskin), from the Anglo-French, from the Old French boteille (the Modern French is bouteille), from botel, from botte (bundle) probably from the Vulgar Latin butticula (literally “a little cask”), the construct being the Late Latin butti(s) (cask) + -cula (ultimately an alternative form of -ulus; added to a noun to form a diminutive of that noun) although etymologists note the origin remains disputed and there may be a Germanic link (although some maintain it was actually from Archaic Greek), possibly with the Low German Buddel and the Old High German būtil, the latter the source for the German Beutel).  The Latin was the source also of the Spanish botella and the Italian bottiglia.  The third-person singular simple present is bottles, the present participle bottling and the simple past & past participle bottled.  The noun plural is bottles.

The borrowings by other languages make an impressive list including the Assamese বটল (botol (which may be via the Portuguese botelha)), the Bengali বোতল (botôl), the Bislama botel, the Cornish botel, the Brunei Malay butul, the Dutch bottel, the Ese butorua, the Fiji Hindi botal, the Gamilaraay baadhal, the Georgian ბოთლი (botli), the Gujarati: બાટલી (bāṭlī), the Hindi: बोतल (botal (which may be via the Portuguese botelha)), the Dari بوتل‎ (bôtal), the Jamaican Creole bokl & bakl, the Kannada: ಬಾಟಲಿ (bāṭali), the Malay & Indonesian botol, the Min Nan 帽突 (bō-tu̍t), the Papiamentu bòter, the Maori pātara, the Marathi: बाटली (bāṭlī), the Nepali बोतल (botal), the Pashto بوتل‎ (botál), the Pennsylvania German Boddel, the Persian بطری‎ (botri), the Punjabi: ਬੋਤਲ (botal), the Samo botolo, the Sranan Tongo batra, the Scottish Gaelic botal, the Shona bhotoro, the Sinhalese: බෝතලය (bōtalaya), the Swahili libhodlela, the Tok Pisin botol, the Welsh potel, the Xhosa ibhotile & imbodlela, the Yiddish: באָטל‎ (botl) and the Zulu bhodlela.

Bottle features much in UK slang.  The phrase “to bottle” refers to (1) a bottle as a weapon (usually involving it either as a blunt instrument or (when broken) as an improvised bladed weapon to slash or stab (“glassing” the equivalent if a glass drinking receptacle is used), (2) to pelt (a musical act on stage, a sporting team on the field of play etc) with bottles as a sign of disapproval, (3) to refrain from doing something at the last moment because of a sudden loss of courage (that use based on the cockney rhyming slang "bottle and glass" (meaning "ass" as an expression of courage or nerve)) or (4) money collected by street entertainers or buskers.  In printing, it can refer to (1) pages printed several on a sheet (to rotate slightly when the sheet is folded two or more times) or (2) as “bottle-arsed”, the old printers' slang for a typeface wider at one end than the other.  Bottle (with variations such as bottle-fed & bottle-baby) is also a general term to reference infants fed from a bottle with baby formula or some milk other than the mother’s natural supply; that from which the infant is fed is the baby-bottle (wholly replacing the suckling-bottle from 1844).  A bottle-neck is any point in a system which is a cause of inefficiency or congestion, based on the idea of the neck of a bottle being the narrowest part and thus establishing the maximum flow-rate; use in this context dates from 1896 in the specific sense of “narrow entrance, spot where traffic becomes congested”, extended to “anything which obstructs a flow” by 1922, the verb in this sense used since 1928.  To “bottle (something) up” is not to deal with problems or emotions; letting something “out of the bottle” is the less common companion term.  Interestingly, the figurative use “bottling-up” in this context is from the 1620s, pre-dating the literal use (putting stuff in bottles for storage) by two decades.  In a variety of forms (“on the bottle”, “hitting the bottle”, “to drown one’s troubles in the bottle” et al), bottle has since the seventeenth century been a generalized reference to alcohol and its (usually excessive) consumption.

Natural red-head Lindsay Lohan during bottle-blonde phase with bottle of Fiji Water.  As a modifier for various hair-colors (though almost always blonde if applied to women and something more youthfully dark with men), “bottle” was a suggestion of the use of dye, bottle-blonde the most frequently used.

First sold in 1996, Fiji Water quickly became a celebrity favorite, many attracted presumably by the claim that, coming from an “ancient artesian aquifer”, it was "Earth's finest water" but it attracted controversy because at the time when the company began shipping to high-income countries what was a high-priced, premium product, almost half the Fijian population lacked access to clean drinking-water (the Fijian government claims fewer than 10% are now so deprived).  Analysis also revealed an extraordinary environmental impact by the time it reached the consumer, more water consumed in the extraction, production and distribution processes to produce one bottle of Fiji Water than was in the delivered product.  A combination of the use of diesel-fueled machinery, plastic packaging and the vast distances over which what is a very heavy product was shipped meant a effective carbon footprint per litre well over a thousand time higher than the safe tap water available just about anywhere it was sold.

A magnetic bottle is a machine created by placing two magnetic mirrors in close proximity; they’re used in experimental physics temporarily to trap charged particles, preferably electrons because they’re lighter than ions, the best known use of the device to isolate high energy particles of plasma in fusion experiments.  A message in a bottle is literally that, a written note placed in a sealed bottle and cast to the ocean currents, hopefully to be found somewhere some day; these may be distress messages requesting rescue or for no particular purpose.  Although long obsolete, a bottle was once also something tied in a bundle, especially (hay), the link being to the Old French botte (bundle).  The zoological term bottle-nose dates from the 1630s, applied to the porpoise from the 1660s although as a general descriptor in engineering and architecture, it’s noted from the 1560s.  The bottle-washer is from 1837, the bottle-shop a surprisingly recent 1929 and the first mechanical bottle-opener was advertised in 1875.  A jar, jug, urn, vial, canteen, carafe, cruet, decanter, ewer, flagon, flask, phial, soldier, dead soldier or vacuum bottle can also be used to store liquids and certain designs of some of these are in some cases classified as bottles but the use is technical and a bottle is usually defined and understood in its most simple and traditional form.  

The UK dialectal use to describe a dwelling, building or house is obsolete.  It was from the Middle English bottle, botel & buttle, from the Old English botl (building, house), from the Proto-West Germanic bōþl, from the Proto-Germanic budlą, buþlą & bōþlą (house, dwelling, farm), from the primitive Indo-European bhow & bow (literally “to swell, grow, thrive, be, live, dwell”).  It was cognate with the North Frisian budel, bodel, bol & boel (dwelling, inheritable property), the Dutch boedel, boel (inheritance, estate), the Danish bol (farm), the Icelandic ból (dwelling, abode, farm, lair) and related to the Old English bytlan (to build).

The anatomy of the bottle

The finish (also called the closure) is the very top where the bottle is sealed with a cork (natural, composite or some alternative) or screw-top cap, the latter increasingly popular but now that the problem of cork taint (caused usually by trichloroanisole (TCA)), appears to have been solved, cork is making something of a comeback, aided perhaps by the tactile experience of opening a bottle with a corkscrew.  Collectively, the finish is made of a lip and collar, the collar the lower part of the finish, below the lip.  Structurally, the finish is all that is above the distinctive upper terminus of the neck, the term “finish” a glassmakers reference to the final process of making a mouth-blown bottle (ie the final step or the "finishing") and it’s sometimes also referred to sometimes as a "top," "lip" or "mouth".  The wrapping (metal or some form of composite) which is applied around the finish is called the capsule.

The bore (also called the aperture, corkage, opening, mouth, orifice or throat) is the opening at the top of the finish from which the bottle's contents are poured.  The relationship between bore & stopper in a bottle is exactly the same as that of cylinder & piston in an internal combustion engine.  The neck is the (almost always) constricted part of a bottle that lies above the shoulder and below the finish.  The sealing surface sits atop the bore and is where the closure and finish mesh to seal the contents inside.  The extreme top portion of the finish (rim) is sometimes referred to as the sealing surface though that is dependent on the type of finish.  It varies with the technology, the sealing surface on a cork finish is primarily the inside of the bore whereas if an external threaded finish combination is used, the rim becomes the sealing surface against which the screw cap twists down and seals.

An embossed bottle.

The shoulder is the portion of the bottle which lies between the point of change in vertical tangency of the body and the base of the neck.  In the design of bottles, the shoulder is the upper of the two transition zones between portions, the other being the heel, the body the part where most of a bottle’s contents are stored.  The body lies between the shoulder and heel (insweep) and it’s on the body that most labels appear.  Some bottles feature an embossing, raised lettering, designs, or graphics on the surface of the bottle that are formed by incising or engraving on the inside mold surface(s).  The embossing was often effected by the use of interchangeable (usually cast-iron) engraved plates which could be swapped in the same bottle mold so runs of different embossing patterns could be applied to the same type bottle.  The use of these transformed the economics of bottle production; simply with a swap of the plate, the same mold could be used to produce scores of unique and individually embossed bottles of the same shape and design.  The plates are collectables and are called "slug plates" by collectors although the industry insists they were for centuries never known as anything but “plates”.  Bottles thus produced are said to have emerged from a "plate mold".  Mold seams are raised lines on the body, shoulder, neck, finish, and/or base of the bottle that are formed where the edges of different mold sections parts came together, some manufacturers preferring "mold line(s)" although in the long history of glass-making, they’ve also been known as "joint-marks" & "parting lines".

Pol Roger Vintage Brut (1947).

The heel (also called the insweep) is the lowest portion of the bottle where the body begins to curve into the base, terminating usually at the resting point of the bottle (ie the extreme outer edge of the base so the heel may be thought of as the transition zone between the horizontal plane of the base and the vertical plane of the body).  Wine aficionados like to call this the "basal edge", a kind of masonic code-word with which they identify each-other.  The base, as the name implies, is the very bottom of the bottle; the surface upon which it stands.  Traditionally, manufacturers’ quoted measurements of a base are of the greatest diameter (round) or greatest width and depth (non-round) and the "resting point" of a bottle is usually the extreme outside edge of the base.  The kick-up (also called the punt or push-up) is the steep rise or pushed-up portion of the base which slightly reduces the internal volume of the bottle.  Originally, kick-ups were included certainly to enhance strength & stability but historians remain divided on whether the shape was crafted to collect any sediment in the liquid.  In the early twentieth century, some US glassmakers called this feature a "shove-up" but the term never caught on.