Appliqué

Appliqué (pronounced ap-li-key)

(1) Ornamentation, as a decorative cut-out design, sewn on, glued or otherwise applied to a piece of material.

(2) The practice of decorating in this way

(3) A work so formed or an object so decorated.

(4) A decorative feature, as a sconce, applied to a surface.

(5) To apply, as appliqué to.

(6) In medicine, of a red blood cell infected by the malarial parasite Plasmodium falciparum, assuming a form in which the early trophozoite of Plasmodium falciparum parasitises the marginal portion of the red blood cell, appearing as if the parasite has been “applied”.

1841: From the from French appliqué (work applied or laid on to another material), noun use of the past participle of appliquer (to apply), from the twelfth century Old French apliquier), from the Latin applicare (attach to, join, connect) and the source of “apply” in Modern English.  The alternative spelling is applique and in French, the feminine was appliquée, the masculine plural appliqués & the feminine plural appliquées.  As a verb, appliqué refers to a method of construction but as a noun, depending on the item, the synonyms can include finery, ornament, plaque, ribbon, trinket, wreath, brocade, decoration, lace, needlepoint, quilting, tapestry, mesh, arabesque, bauble, braid, curlicue, dingbat & embellishment.  Appliqué is a noun, verb & adjective appliquéd is a verb & adjective and appliquéing is a verb; the noun plural is appliqués.

Lindsay Lohan in translucent lace appliqué trousers and black swimsuit, Mykonos, Greece, August 2016.

The woodie wagon and the descent to DI-NOC appliqué

Horse drawn carriages of course began with timber construction, metal components added as techniques in metallurgy improved.  The methods of construction were carried over to the horseless carriages, most early automobiles made with a steel chassis and bodywork which could be of metal, wood or even leather, located by a wooden frame.  That endured for decades before being abandoned by almost all manufacturers by the 1970s, Morgan remaining one of the few traditionalists, their craftspeople (some of whom are now women) still fashioning some of the internal structure (attached to the aluminum chassis) from lovingly shaped and sanded English ash.

Early woodies which used real wood:  1934 Ford V8 Model 40 (left), 1941 Packard One-Ten (centre) and 1949 Mercury 9CM (right).  

During the inter-war years, the timberwork again became prominent in the early station wagons (estate cars).  Because such vehicles were limited production variations of the standard models, it wasn’t financially viable to build the tooling required to press the body panels so a partially complete cars were used (often by an external specialist), onto which was added the required coachwork, all fashioned in timber in the same manner used for centuries.  In the US, the cars were known as woodie wagons (sometimes as "woody" in the UK where the same techniques were used to create "shooting brakes") and the more expensive were truly fine examples of the cabinet-maker’s art, the timbers sometimes carefully chosen to match the interior appointments.  So much did the highly-polished creations resemble the fine oak, walnut and mahogany furniture with which the rich were accustomed to being around that they began to request sedans and convertibles built in the same way and the industry responded with top-of-the-range models with timber doors and panels replacing the pressed metal used on the cheaper versions.

"Woodie" is a footnote also in political history.  Woodrow Wilson (1856–1924; US president 1913-1921) was thought a remote, austere figure and not one much associated with the "common touch" politicians like to possess (or fake when it proves advantageous) so he was one day most pleased to hear someone in the crowd he was addressing call him "Woodie".  Apparently, in his whole life he'd never heard any speak of him with an affectionate diminutive and he'd envied his popular predecessor (Theodore Roosevelt (1858–1919; US president 1901-1909) who enjoyed many monikers including "Teddy" & "TR" although it's said he despised the former, thinking it effeminate and would rather have been remembered as "the colonel", a reference to his military exploits leading the charge up San Juan Heights during the Spanish-American War (1898).  When a delighted Wilson got off the stage he said to an aide: "Did you hear that?  He called me Woodie!".     

1947 Nash Ambassador sedan (left), 1948 Chrysler Town & Country convertible (centre) and 1947 Cadillac Series 75 Limousine 1947 (right).  Such was the appeal of the intricate woodwork that in the 1940s, manufacturers offered it on very expensive models although the timber offered no functional advantage over metal construction.

General Motors (GM) in 1935 actually introduced an all-steel model with station wagon coachwork but it was on a light-truck chassis (shades of the twenty-first century) and intended more for commercial operators; nobody in the pre-war years followed GM’s example.  The woodies were of course less practical and in some climates prone to deterioration, especially when the recommended care and maintenance schedules were ignored but demand continued and some returned to the catalogue in 1946 when production of civilian automobiles resumed from the war-time hiatus but these lines were almost all just the 1942 cars with minor updates.  By 1949, the manufacturers had introduced their genuinely new models, the construction of which was influenced by the lessons learned during the war years when factories had been adapted to make a wide range of military equipment.  Although woodies remained briefly available in some of the new bodies, one innovation which emerged from this time was the new “all steel” station wagon which was not only cheaper to produce than the labor-intensive woodies but something ideally suited to the emerging suburban populations and it would for decades be one of the industry’s best-sellers, decline not setting in until the mid-1970s.  For sociologists, the station wagon (as the second vehicle in the two-car households rising prosperity permitted) was one component in a phenomenon which included a shift to suburban living and the emergence vast of shopping malls.

1949 Ford Custom Convertible “single spinner” (left) and 1951 Ford Country Squire “twin spinner” (right).

May of the industry's visual inspirations came originally from the military, influenced either by artillery and aviation.  The first new Fords of the post-war years came to be known as “single spinners” (1949-1950) and “twin spinners” (1951), referencing the slang term for propeller and even then that a backward glance, jets, missiles & rockets providing designers with their new inspirations, language soon reflecting that.  Over eight generations, the Country Squire was between 1950-1991 the top of the Ford station wagon line, distinguished from lesser models by the timber (or fake timber) panels.  Only the first generation (1950-1951) were true “woodies” with wood (mahogany paneling, accented by birch or maple surrounds) from Ford-owned plantations processed at the company’s Iron Mountain plant in upper Michigan.  As a genuine "woodie" the Country Squire’s production process was capital and labour-intensive, three assembly plants involved with transportation of the partially-finished cars required between locations.  The initial assembly of the steel body was undertaken at Dearborn with the shells then shipped to Iron Mountain plant for the fitting of the timber components.  Upon completion, the bodies were on-shipped to various Ford assembly facilities for mounting onto ladder-frame chassis and the installation of interior & exterior trim.  To reduce costs, in 1951 final assembly was out-sourced to the Ionia Body Company which had for years assembled wood-bodied station wagons for General Motors and in 1952 the mahogany was replaced with 3M’s (Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing) synthetic DI-NOC which emulated the appearance and although eventually it would fade, did prove durable.  The next year, use of birch and maple was discontinued and “timber-look” fibreglass moldings were fitted.  For better or worse, DI-NOC would for decades be a feature of the American automobile (including even convertibles!).

The “bullet nose” Studebaker Commander: 1950 (left) and 1951 (right).

Like many nicknames, the “single spinner” appellation applied to the 1949-1950 Fords appeared only in retrospect, after the 1951 facelift added a second.  To the public the use of “spinner” probably was obvious because the look did obviously recall the bosses on a twin-engined propeller aircraft but what people decide something should be called doesn’t always accord with what the designer had in mind.  The distinctive look of the 1950 Studebaker Commander came from the ever-vivid imagination of French born US designer Raymond Loewy (1893–1986) who was inspired not by jet engines (soon to emerge as a popular motif in many fields because jets became sexy) but an earlier technology.  Loewy had had in mind the prominent snout of the twin-boom Lockheed P-38 Lightning fighter aircraft (1941-1945) which had first been seen (in prototype form) in 1938 and which went on to inspire the modest tailfins on the 1948 Cadillac but despite that, the 1950s Studebakers came to be called “the bullet-nose”.  At Studebaker, the feeling soon must have been the moment was at least passing because in 1951 the outer-ring of the assembly was painted to blend in more with the bodywork but the reduction of the vanes from four to three was probably nothing more than the usual “change for the sake of change” although the P-38 did always use three-blade propellers.  The “beak” differed little from Loewy’s conceptual sketches but did become part of one of the era’s more celebrated fueds, Studebaker’s styling department employing designer Virgil Exner (1909–1973) who was there by virtue of having in 1944 been fired by Loewy.  Two of the great names of mid-century US design, the clash of egos continued and, triggered by Loewy receiving credit for his work styling the landmark 1946 Studebaker, Exner quit and went to work for Chrysler where, for a decade he influenced automotive design on both sides of the Atlantic.  As a footnote, the way the front bumper-bar was handled on the 1950-1951 Commander was visually a preview of the technique many manufacturers would adopt from 1973 to conform with the US impact regulations, the closest implementation probably to “diving board” design used by BMW. 

US manufacturers for decades glued on the appliqué.  Some were worse than others.

Although by the mid-1950s, the all-steel bodies had in the US replaced all but the handful of coach-built wagons made for those who valued exclusivity more than practicality, there was still a nostalgic longing for the look of timber.  It was too expensive to use the real stuff but what was adapted was DI-NOC, (Diurno Nocturna, from the Spanish, literally “daytime-nighttime” and translated for marketing purposes as “beautiful day & night”), an embossed vinyl or polyolefin material with a pressure-sensitive adhesive backing produced since the 1930s and perfected by Minnesota Mining & Manufacturing (3M) (the corporation not to be confused with the "Three Ms" of the 1950s who were the actresses Mamie Van Doren (b 1931), Marilyn Monroe (1926–1962) & Jayne Mansfield (1933–1967), the "blonde bombshells" of the era).  Described as an “architectural finish”, it was used mostly for interior design purposes in hundreds of patterns and was able to be laid over a variety of substrates such as drywall, metal, and laminate.  Remarkably effective at emulating (at a distance) more expensive materials such as wood, leather, marble, metal or granite, what the manufacturers did was not re-create the appearance of the original woodies but instead unleash the designers on the large side-surfaces of the modern Amerian car, the results mostly variations of a theme and polarizing, the DI-NOC appliqués something one either loved or hated.

1963 Ford (UK) Consul Cortina 1500 (Mark 1 “Woody” estate).

It was the Americans who fell in love with the look and in the second half of the twentieth century a wide range of cars, large and small (most of them station wagons) were available, off the showroom floor, complete with a faux-woodgrain appliqué glued to the flanks and often the tailgate.  3M claimed it looked exactly like the real thing and at night, that really was true although, close-up, daylight exposed reality like the "ugly lights" a night-club turns on at closing time, something especially obvious in a DI-NOCed machine which had spent a couple of summers baking under an Arizona sun.  Still, nobody actually claimed it was real wood and unlike something subtle like a badge, a dozen-odd square feet of DI NOC plastered on the sides was a way of telling the neighbors you bought the most expensive model.  Detroit had established colonies in England, Australia and Germany and there they tried to export the DI-NOC idea; the Prussians weren’t tempted but Ford did offer an embellished Cortina in the UK and the Falcon Squire in Australia.  The ventures proved brief and unsuccessful and Ford never bothered to trouble the Germans or French with the feature.

Extracts from Ford Australia's brochures for the 1964 XM Falcon Future (top) and 1964 XM Falcon Squire (bottom).  The Futura's bling appealed to the market, the Squire's Di-NOC did not.   

The Australian experiment has been blamed on the local operation being headed by an American, the implication being he presumed what had great appeal in the northern 50 states would be just as attractive in the southern 51^st.  The Squire was introduced with the XL range (1962-1964) which was both a cosmetic update (with the “Thunderbird” roofline) and a much needed strengthening of the underpinnings which in the original XK (1960-1962) had proved too fragile for the roads (or lack of them) in the outback.  The success of the XL meant the Falcon survived in Australia, something genuinely in doubt when local conditions exposed the lack of robustness in the XK but the DI-NOCed Squire didn’t greatly contribute to the revival; of the 75,756 XL Falcons produced, just 728 were Squires.  In 1962-1964, had Ferrari managed a run of 728 roadsters it would have been hailed an outstanding success but that number of Falcons was derisory and although the model was carried over when the XM (1964-1965) was released, that was the end and no more fake wood appeared down under between then and when Ford’s local production ceased in 2016.  However, although Australians never warmed to the DI-NOC, they clearly liked bling because the up-market Falcon Futura introduced with the XL sold so well when the XP range (1965-1966) was released it included and even more luxurious Fairmont which was available both as a sedan and station wagon; both sold well.

One-off 1967 Ford Country Squire with Q-Code 428 V8 and four-speed manual transmission.

In the US, Ford for decades churned out the Country Squires by the thousand but there was the odd oddity.  Like most big station wagons, almost all  Country Squires were built for function and although the engines might sometimes be large (in the 1970s they were available with 429 & 460 cubic inch (7.0 & 7.5 litre) V8s), they were configured to carry or tow heavy loads and were thus sold almost always with heavy-duty automatic transmissions.  In 1967 however, there was a one-off Country Squire built with the combination of a 428 cubic inch (7.0 litre) V8 in Q-Code configuration (the “Q” a marker of the engine's specification which included "Cobra Jet" style cylinder heads with larger valves, a four barrel carburetor (typically a 735 CFM (cubic foot per minute) Holley, a higher compression ration and exhaust manifolds with reduced impedance).  The Q-Code 428 was the most powerful offered that year in full-sized Fords (except for 12 Ford XLs with the 427 V8 derived from a unit built for competition).  Such vehicles are usually unicorns, often discussed and sometimes even created as latter-day “tributes” and are thus rarely "real" but the 1967 Country Squire is a genuine one-off and as a type may be unique not only among Fords but also the entire full-size ecosystem of the era.  The tale is sometimes still repeated that Plymouth built a special order Belvedere station wagon at the request of Bill Harrah (1911–1978) of Harrah's Hotel and Casinos in Nevada (now part of Caesars Entertainment) with the 426 cubic inch (7.0 litre) HEMI V8 for the rapid transport of cash across the desert but that is a myth and the coda (that Harrah decided instead to build his own) is just as unverified.  So the 1967 Country Squire is a curious period piece and a collectors’ item; despite its dilapidated appearance, its "one-of-one" status (much-prized in collector circles) meant that in 2020 it sold at auction in the US for almost US$50,000.  When exhibited at the South Carolina’s Hilton Head Island Concours d’Elegance in November 2024, an entry on the car’s placard claimed production of the special order required the personal approval of Lee Iacocca (1924–2019), then vice-president of Ford’s car and truck group.  The one-off wagon received a Palmetto Award in the “Barn Finds” class in which patina is a virtue.

1968 Mercury Park Lane convertible with “Yacht Deck Paneling”.  It was to the 1968 Mercury Ford Australia turned when they needed some distinctive styling for their 1976 ZH Fairlane & Marquis, the previous model having suffered because there was insufficient product differentiation from the lower-price Falcon from which they were so obviously derived.  Eight years old the look might have been but it created product differentiation and the consensus was it was a good choice, 1968 Fords & Mercurys judged better looking than what the corporation in the US offering in 1976.  By then, the Australians didn’t consider adding Yacht Deck Paneling to the option list.

Away from station wagons where the woodie-look remained popular, public taste in the US clearly shifted in the late 1960s.  Impressed by the industry’s solid sales numbers for “woodie” station wagons, Mercury decided those buying two-door hardtops and convertibles deserved the same choice and, for the 1968 season, “Yacht Deck Paneling” appeared in the catalogues as an option on the top-of-the-line Park Lane.  Clearly not wishing to be thought deceptive, Mercury not only didn’t disguise the synthetic origins of the “simulated walnut-tone” appliqué, its advertising copy made a virtue of being faux, pointing out: “This paneling is tougher, longer-lasting than real wood… and every bit as beautiful” before concluding “wood-tone paneling has always been a good idea”.

Chrysler Newports with “Sportsgrain” option: 1968 convertible (left) and 1969 two-door hardtop (right).  This was the era when the big cars came to be called “land yachts” so references to “yacht decks” and such were not inappropriate.  Inefficient in so many ways, in their natural environment (“floating” effortlessly down the freeways, passengers and driver isolated within from the rest of the world), they excelled and there’s since been nothing quite like them.

That sales pitch must have convinced Chrysler “wood-tone paneling has always been a good idea” because it responded to what Mercury were doing by slipping onto the market the mid-season offering of the “Sportsgrain Newport”, available as a two-door hardtop or convertible, both with the simulated timber used on the corporation’s station wagons.  A US$126 option, it was a deliberate attempt to evoke spirit of the high-priced Town and Country convertibles of the late 1940s but, because the T&C moniker had already been appropriated for the wagons, someone in marketing had to come with “sportsgrain” which now must seem mystifying to anyone unaware the first element of the portmanteau word was a nod to the convertibles of the early post-war years.  Other than the large slab of vinyl, the “Sportsgrain” cars were standard Newports (then the cheapest of the Chrysler-branded models).  While demand for appliqué-adorned station wagons remained strong, Chrysler in 1968 had no more success than Mercury in shifting hardtops & convertibles with the stuff glued on, only 965 of the former and 175 of the later being ordered which, nationwide, was not even one per dealer.  Remarkably, the option returned for 1969 with the new “fuselage” body styling, possibly because the corporation, anticipating higher demand, had a warehouse full of 3M’s vinyl but, being simply glued on, maintaining the option would not have been an expensive exercise.  Sales however must have been low, the survivors of the 1969 range rare and Chrysler have never disclosed the final season's production totals.

Advertising for 1983 Chrysler Town & Country (with "plush cloth and vinyl" rather than "fine Corinthian leather", left), 1946 Chrysler Town & Country Convertible Coupe (with real timber, top right) and 1983 Chrysler LeBaron Town & Country Mark Cross Convertible (bottom right).  LeBaron Carrossiers (1920-1953) was one of the storied named in US coach-building and during the 1920s & 1930s crafted bodies on chassis from some of the world's most expensive lines including Marmon, Isotta Fraschini, Chrysler Imperial, Rolls-Royce, Duesenberg, Lincoln and Packard.  Changes in the post-war economy made such extravagances an unviable business and in 1953 the LeBaron brand was acquired by Chrysler which came to use it as a designation for higher-priced models, much as Ford for decades used Ghia.

A generation on, the public's restrained enthusiasm for appliqué adorned convertibles must have faded from Chrysler's corporate memory because between 1983-1986 there was the LeBaron convertible, recalling the post-war Town & Country range which used real timber.  Now with a (minor) cult following because one appeared in the popular film Planes, Trains and Automobiles (1987), with some 1100 sold, the K-Platform based LeBaron Convertible coincidentally almost matched the 1968 run although it took four years to achieve the modest feat.  Chrysler's front wheel drive (FWD) K-Platform (the so-called "K Cars", 1981-1995) is treated now as  emblematic of the "Malaise Era" but it's no exaggeration to say it rescued Chrysler from looming bankruptcy and it yielded literally dozens of variants (many of them with only slight differences) including even an elongated "Executive" offered as a five seat sedan on a 124 inch (3150 mm) wheelbase (1983-1984) or a seven seat limousine (complete with partition) with a 131 inch (3327 mm) wheelbase.  All the Executives were underpowered (the early versions with a 2.2 litre (134 cubic inch) four cylinder engine especially so); the "Malaise Era" gained the name for a reason.         

Real and sort of real.  1964 Morris Minor Traveller (left) and 1961 advertisement for the Morris Mini Traveller (centre).

In the UK, one traditional woodie (there often called spelled "woody") did enjoy a long life, the Morris Traveller, introduced in 1953 as an addition to the Minor range (1948-1972 (1975 in overseas markets)) remaining in production until 1971, the body aft of the doors formed with structural ash timber members which supported infill panels in painted aluminum.  However, while the Minor Traveller was real, the subsequent Mini Traveller (1961–1969) was a curious hybrid: Structurally it was exactly the same car as the Mini station wagon, the external members genuine ash but wholly decorative affectations which were attached directly to the steel body, the "infill" panels an illusion.  The Morris version was marketed as the "Traveller" while Austin sold it as the "Countryman" but, in the way the corporation in the era handled "badge engineering", the two were identical but for the names and production of both lasted from 1960 to 1969.  The original Mini enjoyed a forty-year life (1959-2000) but when in 2001 BMW introduced their retro-flavored take on the idea, although they resurrected a few motifs, they didn’t bring back a woodie, fake, faux or real, restricting themselves to calling the station wagon (ohne die Balken) the "Mini Countryman", possibly preferring to leave "Traveller" retired because admiration for the Romani people (known also as Travellers or Gypsies) is not universal.

Surreal: 1960 Jaguar XK150 3.4 FHC (fixed head coupé) shooting brake (Foxbat), creating by grafting the rear coach-work of a Morris Minor Traveller.

The Morris Minor Traveller was the last true woodie in production and is now a thing in the lower reaches of the collector market but there's one less available for fans because one was sacrificed to a project by by industrial chemist and noted Jaguar enthusiast, the late Geoffrey Stevens, construction undertaken between 1975-1977. He wanted the Jaguar XK150 shooting brake the factory never made so blended a XK150 FHC with the rear compartment of a Morris Minor Traveller of similar vintage.  Dubbed the Foxbat (the influence of a Soviet pilot who in 1976 defected to the West, taking his MiG-25 "Foxbat" with him), it has been restored as a charming monument to English eccentricity and even the usually uncompromising originality police among the Jaguar community seem fond of it.  In a nice touch (and typical of an engineer’s attention to detail), a “Foxbat” badge was hand-cut, matching the original Jaguar script.  Other than the coach-work, the XK150 is otherwise “matching-numbers” (chassis number S825106DN; engine number V7435-8).   

Uxorious

Uxorious (pronounced uhk-sawr-ee-uhs, uhk-sohr-ee-uhs, uhg-zawr-ee-uhs or uhk-zohr-ee-uhs).

Doting upon, foolishly fond of, or affectionately submissive toward one's wife.

1590–1600: From the Latin ūxōrius (of or pertaining to a wife; devoted to a wife; ruled by a wife), the construct being ūxor (wife) (genitive uxoris) + -ius (–ious), from the primitive Indo-European uk-sor- (she who gets accustomed (to a new household) after a patrilocal (a term from cultural anthropology describing a people or culture in which newly married couples live with the husband's family) marriage).  The suffix was from the Old Latin -ios, from the primitive Indo-European –yós and used to form adjectives from nouns.  The Middle English suffix –ous was borrowed from the Old French -ous & -eux, from the Latin -ōsus (full, full of); a doublet of -ose in the unstressed position.

The not necessarily related, the  noun uxoricide in 1804 acquired the sense of "the murder of one's wife" which by 1830 had extended to "one who kills his wife", either from the French uxoricide, or as a native construct from the Latin uxor (wife) + -cide.  The suffix –cide was from the Middle French -cide, from the Latin -cīda (cutter, killer), from -cīdium (killing), from caedō (to cut, hew, kill) and was a noun-forming suffix denoting “an act of killing or a slaughter”, “one who kills” or “one who cuts” from the appropriate nouns stems.  In English, the alternative form was –icide.  One who committed uxoricide (or contemplated committing) was sometimes described as uxoricidal which, while etymologically correct, probably wouldn't now in all circumstances be used by criminologists or mental health professionals.  The adjective uxorial meant literally "of or pertaining to a wife" and dated from 1778 but was sometimes used in the sense of uxorius.

The Duke & Duchess of Windsor (left) and the Duke & Duchess of Sussex (right).

That there's a well-established and often-used word to describe men unduly submissive towards their wives yet little history of use of the companion-term coined for similarly disposed women hasn't escaped the attention of critics who usually suggest it's an example of rampant sexism, the idea being a uxorious man is so rare as to deserve a descriptor whereas historically, all women were presumed to be submissive.  Neglected though it may be, a suitable word does exist.  Maritorious (being fond of one's husband to the point of obsession; excessively doting on one's husband) was from the Latin maritus (husband), from mās (male, a male).  The origin of mās is a mystery but the most popular theory is that it may be from the primitive Indo-European méryos (young man) which was the source of the Proto-Indo-Iranian máryas (young man), the Sanskrit मर्य (márya) (suitor, young man), the Ancient Greek μεῖραξ (meîrax) (young girl) and the Old Armenian մարի (mari) (female bird, hen) but etymologists say there's no explanation for the resultant phonetics, particularly the a-vocalism.

Maritorious was a literary creation of the early seventeenth century and the use by the creator remains its most celebrated instance.  It appeared in the Jacobean stage play Tragedy of Bussy D'Ambois (1603–1607) by the English classical scholar George Chapman (circa 1559–1634) who penned the line "Dames maritorious ne'er were meritorious".  The play was based on the life of Louis de Clermont, seigneur de Bussy d'Amboise (1549–1579), a noted bi-sexual in the court of Henry III (Henri III, 1551–1589; King of France 1574-1589) who was murdered after tangled affairs with both men and their wives.  Coined so to pun with meritorious, it did its job on the day but never caught on and the Oxford English Dictionary (OED) lists it as a nonce word (also called an occasionalism, a lexeme created for a single occasion to solve an immediate problem of communication), noting its rare appearance in English seemed limited to (1) discussions by etymologists and lexicographers about its rarity and (2) the odd jocular piece prompted by virtue of that very rarity such as this one by an anonymous author:

"There once was a man most uxorious,
Who was married to a dame quite maritorious,
This suited them fine as they wined and they dined,
And produced five offspring all rubicund!"

The Duke of Windsor with his mother (left) and the Duke of Sussex with his mother (right).

Sigmund Freud (1856–1939) wrote much about the relationship between men and their mothers, his most famous suggestion being that they imprint the opposite-sex parent as an ideal mate early in life and (since they realize they cannot have the real thing), seek a closely-matching substitute.  By his own admission, Freud didn't know that much about women, suggesting in a 1933 lecture that "...all I have to say to you about femininity is certainly incomplete and fragmentary and does not always sound friendly... If you want to know more about femininity, enquire about your own experiences of life, or turn to poets, or wait until science can give you deeper and more coherent information."  Presumably he has in mind male poets and while pondering the “riddle of femininity” Freud's position was that women were “the problem” although he did offer any of them in the audience the hope that they might be “more masculine than feminine”.  For all his (professional) interest in mothers, Freud really didn't explore whether there was any correlation between the extent to which a man might be dominated first by his mother and later by his wife but it's of some note that British psychoanalyst Ernest Jones (1879-1958) who wrote an admiring biography (in three volumes, 1953-1957), described Freud's relationship with his wife as "uxorious", something which might seem strange to those familiar with revelations about the intricacies of that marriage.  Still, psychoanalysts and princes alike marry the women of their choice and presumably know what they're getting and even if it's not what they need, it'll be what they want.

People will read the Duke of Sussex's memoir (Spare, Bantum, 2023, 416 pp, ISBN-10 0857504797) for their own reasons and take from it what they will but it's clear he half agrees with Philip Larkin (1922-1985):

“They fuck you up, your mum and dad.

They may not mean to, but they do.

They fill you with the faults they had

And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn

By fools in old-style hats and coats,

Who half the time were soppy-stern

And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.

It deepens like a coastal shelf.

Get out as early as you can,

And don't have any kids yourself.”

Philip Larkin, High Windows

Borrowing from Freud, it is tempting to wonder if at least some of the development of Prince Harry's relationship with women ended the night his mother died.   As the Duchess of Windsor might have said to the Duchess of Sussex: "You need just to take them by the hand and lead them; they will follow you".

Gallimaufry

Gallimaufry (pronounced gal-uh-maw-free)

(1) A hodgepodge (or hotchpotch); a medley of the unrelated; a mélange; a miscellany; jumble; a mish mash; olio; potpourri; an omnium-gatherum.

(2) Figuratively, something messy or confused.

(2) In music, any absurd medley especially if elaborate.

(3) In cooking, a stew.

1545–1555: from the Middle French galimafrée (ragout, hash; a kind of sauce or stew), from the Old French calimafree (sauce made of mustard, ginger, and vinegar; a stew of carp) of uncertain origin but probably coining of peasant cuisine, a conflation of galer (to amuse oneself; to have fun) + the Old Northern French (Picard) dialect mafrer (to gorge oneself; gluttonously to eat), from the Middle Dutch moffelen (to eat, to nosh (from Middle Dutch moffelen, (from the idea “to open one's mouth wide” of imitative origin)).  The alternative spellings were gallimaufray & gallimaufrey, both even more rare than gallimaufry although in historical fiction and poetry both have appeared, either suit the depiction of the era or as a device of rhyme.  Elsewhere, the equivalent sense was conveyed by Sammelsurium or Mischmasch (German), galimatija (Bulgarian), zibaldone (Italian), papazjanija (Serbo-Croatian), galimatías (Spanish) and karmakarışık şey (Turkish).  Gallimaufry is a noun; the noun plural is gallimaufries.

Gallimaufry Restaurant, Bristol, United Kingdom, noted for the excellence of its date pudding.

The English language is of course a gallimaufry, an agglomeration of words from all over the planet or, as some prefer to say it: a slut of a language.  That means there’s a wide vocabulary, one consequence of which is that for gallimaufry there are plenty of alternatives including farrago, hash, hodgepodge, hotchpotch, medley, mélange, mishmash, mixture, tangle, welter, mess, muddle; goulash, grab bag, mixed bag, miscellany, omnium-gatherum, array, collection, combination, combo, conglomeration, diversity, garbage, group, jumble, kind, mishmash, mixture, patchwork, potpourri & salmagundi.  Most are probably a better choice than the obscure gallimaufry which is now restricted mostly to poetic or literary use although retail outlets in various fields have used it.

In Dog Latin (amusing constructions designed to resemble the appearance and especially the sound of Latin, many of which were coined by students in English schools & universities), the term is omnium-gatherum, the construct being the genuine Latin omnium, genitive plural of omnis (all) + the English gather + -um (the accusative masculine singular).  The origin is lost to history but the earliest recorded use was by Sir John Croke (1553-1620), an English judge and politician educated at Eton & Cambridge who served as the last speaker of the House of Commons before the death of Elizabeth I (1533–1603; Queen of England & Ireland 1558-1603).

Lindsay Lohan in November 2022 appeared on ABC’s Good Morning America to promote the Netflix movie, Falling for Christmas.  What caught the eye was her outfit, a suit in a gallimaufry of colors from Law Roach’s (b 1978) Akris’ fall 2022 ready-to-wear collection, the assembly including a wide-lapelled jacket, turtleneck and boot cut pants fabricated in a green, yellow, red & orange Drei Teile print in an irregular geometric pattern.  The distinctive look was paired with a similarly eclectic combination of accessories, chunky gold hoop earrings, a cross-body Anouk envelope handbag, and Giuseppe Zanotti platform heels.

The enveloping flare of the trousers concealed the shoes which was a shame, the Giuseppe Zanotti (b 1957) Bebe-style pumps in gloss metallic burgundy leather distinguished by 2-inch (50 mm) soles, 6-inch (150 mm) heels, open vamp, rakish counters and surprisingly delicate ankle straps.  The need for the cut of the trousers to reach to the ground is noted but the shoes deserved to be seen.

Although the origins of the word gallimaufry lie in the peasant cuisine stews made from lamb, mutton, pork and beef, probably the best known gallimaufry is bouillabaisse (pronounced bool-yuh-beys, bool-yuh-beys or (in French), boo-ya-bes), the Provençal fish stew first cooked in the docks of the port city of Marseille.  The word bouillabaisse was from the Provençal Occitan boui-abaisso, bolhabaissa or bouiabaisso, a compound created with the two verbs bolhir (to boil) & abaissar (to reduce heat (ie to simmer)).  Dating from the mid nineteenth century, the word actually encapsulates the recipe was translated variously as either “boil and then lower the heat” or “when it boils, lower the heat”.  The instructions are not only a recipe but also medically sound, the boiling killing the dangerous organisms associated especially with shellfish.

An up-market bouillabaisse.

The dish, known in the Mediterranean since Antiquity, long pre-dates the entry of the word into French, being a stew cooked for their own consumption by fishermen, making use of by-catch, the unsalable rockfish neither fishmongers nor chefs wanted.  It was only when news of the tastiness of bouillabaisse spread that gradually it entered the canon of French cuisine although that would also change its nature, more expensive ingredients being added as it began to appear on restaurant menus.  Originally, it included only the boney fish with coarser, less flavorsome flesh but the fishermen would also add whatever shellfish, sea urchins, mussels, crabs or octopus might have ended up caught in their nets, the taste thus varying form day to day.  Vegetables such as leeks, onions, tomatoes, celery, and potatoes are simmered with the broth, served with the fish and of course, being the French, it’s accompanied with bread and an oil & garlic sauce.  Although not always part of the modern method of preparation, one of the key features in the cooking of bouillabaisse was that the experienced fishermen, added the fish at intervals, the time required for cooking varying.  The Portuguese version is called caldeirada.  Because it’s so specifically associated with something, the bouillabaisse is rarely used figuratively in the manner of gallimaufry although it can be done provided the context makes clear the use has nothing to do with fish: “The wallpaper was a bouillabaisse of shapes & swirls” or “The modern Republican Party is a bouillabaisse of right-wing fanatics, Christian evangelical fundamentalists, climate change deniers, white supremacists and conspiracy theorists drawn to any story which explains things in a more comprehendible way than science”.

Inamorata

Inamorata (pronounced in-am-uh-rah-tuh or in-am-uh-rah-tuh)

A woman with whom one is in love; a female lover

1645-1655: From the Italian innamorata (mistress, sweetheart), noun use of the feminine form of innamorato (the noun plural innamoratos or innamorati) (lover, boyfriend), past principle of innamorare (to inflame with love), the construct being in- (in) + amore (love), from the Latin amor.  A familiar modern variation is enamor.  Inamorata is a noun; the noun plural is inamoratas.

Words like inamorata litter English and endure in their niches, not just because poets find them helpful but because they can be used to convey subtle nuances in a way a word which appears synonymous might obscure.  One might think the matter of one’s female lover might be linguistically (and sequentially) covered by (1) girlfriend, (2) fiancé, (3) wife and (4) mistress but to limit things to those is to miss splitting a few hairs.

A man’s girlfriend is a romantic partner though not of necessity a sexual one because some religions expressly prohibit such things without benefit of marriage and there are the faithful who follow these teachings.  One can have as many girlfriends as one can manage but the expectation they should be enjoyed one at a time.  Women can have girlfriends too but (usually) they are “friends who are female” rather than anything more except of course among lesbians where the relationship is the same as with men.  Gay men too have girlfriends who are “female friends”, some of whom may be “fag hags” a term which now is generally a homophobic slur unless used within the LGB factions of the LGBTQQIAAOP community where it can be jocular or affectionate.

A fiancé is a women to whom one is engaged to be married, in many jurisdictions once a matter of legal significance because an offer of marriage could be enforced under the rules of contract law.  While common law courts didn’t go as far as ordering “specific performance of the contract”, they would award damages on the basis of a “breach of promise”, provided it could be adduced that three of the four essential elements of a contract existed: (1) offer, (2) certainty of terms and (3) acceptance.  The fourth component: (4) consideration (ie payment), wasn’t mentioned because it was assumed to be implicit in the nature of the exchange; a kind of deferred payment as it were.  It was one of those rarities in common law where things operated almost wholly in favor of women in that they could sue a man who changed his mind while they were free to break-off an engagement without fear of legal consequences though there could be social and familial disapprobation.  Throughout the English-speaking world, the breach of promise tort in marriage matters has almost wholly been abolished, remaining on the books in the a couple of US states (not all of which lie south of the Mason-Dixon Line) but even where it exists it’s now a rare action and one likely to succeed only in exceptional circumstances or where a particularly fragrant plaintiff manages to charm a particularly sympathetic judge.

The spelling fiancé (often as fiance) is now common for all purposes.  English borrowed both the masculine (fiancé) and feminine (fiancée) from the French verb fiancer (to get engaged) in the mid nineteenth century and that both spellings were used is an indication it was one of those forms which was, as an affectation, kept deliberately foreign because English typically doesn’t use gendered endings. Both the French forms were ultimately from the Classical Latin fidare (to trust), a form familiar in law and finance in the word fiduciary, from the Latin fīdūciārius (held in trust), from fīdūcia (trust) which, as a noun & adjective, describes relationships between individuals and entities which rely on good faith and accountability.  Pronunciation of both fiancé and fiancée is identical so the use of the differentiated forms faded by the late twentieth century and even publications like Country Life and Tattler which like writing with class-identifiers seem to have updated.  Anyway, because English doesn’t have word endings that connote gender, differentiating between the male and the female betrothed would seem unfashionable in the age of gender fluidity but identities exist as they’re asserted and one form or the other might be deployed as a political statement by all sides in the gender wars.

Model Emily Ratajkowski's (b 1991) clothing label is called Inamorata, a clever allusion to her blended nickname EmRata.  This is Ms Ratajkowski showing Inamorata’s polka-dot line in three aspects.

Wife was from the Middle English wyf & wif, from the Old English wīf (woman, wife), from the Proto-West Germanic wīb, from the Proto-Germanic wībą (woman, wife) and similar forms existed as cognates in many European languages.  The wife was the woman one had married and by the early twentieth century, in almost all common law jurisdictions (except those where systems of tribal law co-existed) it was (more or less) demanded one may have but one at a time.  Modern variations include “common-law wife” and the “de-facto wife”.  The common-law marriage (also known as the "sui iuris (from the Latin and literally “of one's own right”) marriage", the “informal marriage” and the “non-ceremonial marriage”) is a kind of legal quasi-fiction whereby certain circumstances can be treated as a marriage for many purposes even though no formal documents have been registered, all cases assessed on their merits.  Although most Christian churches don’t long dwell on the matter, this is essentially what marriage in many cases was before the institutional church carved out its role.  In popular culture the term is used loosely to refer sometimes just about any un-married co-habitants regardless of whether or not the status has been acknowledged by a court.  De facto was from the Latin de facto, the construct being dē (from, by) + the ablative of factum (fact, deed, act).  It translates as “in practice, what actually is regardless of official or legal status” and is thus differentiated from de jure, the construct being dē (from) + iūre (law) which describes something’s legal status.  In general use, a common-law wife and de facto wife are often thought the same thing but the latter differs that in some jurisdictions the parameters which define the status are codified in statute whereas a common law wife can be one declared by a court on the basis of evidence adduced.

Mistress dates from 1275–1325 and was from the Middle English maistresse, from the Old & Middle French maistresse (in Modern French maîtresse), feminine of maistre (master), the construct being maistre (master) + -esse or –ess (the suffix which denotes a female form of otherwise male nouns denoting beings or persons), the now rare derived forms including the adjective mistressed and the noun mistressship.  In an example of the patriarchal domination of language, when a woman was said to have acquired complete knowledge of or skill in something, she’s was said to have “mastered” the topic.  A mistress (in this context) was a woman who had a continuing, extramarital sexual relationship with one man, especially a man who, in return for an exclusive and continuing liaison, provides her with financial support.  The term (like many) has become controversial and critics (not all of them feminists) have labeled it “archaic and sexist”, suggesting the alternatives “companion” or “lover” but neither convey exactly the state of the relationship so mistress continues to endure.  The critics have a point in that mistress is both “loaded” and “gendered” given there’s no similarly opprobrious term for adulterous men but the word is not archaic; archaic words are those now rare to the point of being no longer in general use and “mistress” has hardly suffered that fate, thought-crime hard to stamp out.

This is Ms Ratajkowski showing Inamorata’s polka-dot line in another three aspects.

Inamorata was useful because while it had a whiff of the illicit, that wasn’t always true but what it did always denote was a relationship of genuine love whatever the basis so one’s inamorata could also be one’s girlfriend, fiancé or mistress though perhaps not one’s wife, however fond one might be of her.  An inamorata would be a particular flavor of mistress in the way paramour or leman didn't imply.  Paramour was from the Middle English paramour, paramoure, peramour & paramur, from the Old French par amor (literally “for love's sake”), the modern pronunciation apparently an early Modern English re-adaptation of the French and a paramour was a mistress, the choice between the two perhaps influenced by the former tending to the euphemistic.  The archaic leman is now so obscure that it tends to be used only by the learned as a term of disparagement against women in the same way a suggestion mendaciousness is thought a genteel way to call someone a liar.  Dating from 1175-1225, it was from the Middle English lemman, a variant of leofman, from the Old English lēofmann (lover; sweetheart (and attested also as a personal name)), the construct being lief +‎ man (beloved person).  Lief was from the Middle English leef, leve & lef, from the Old English lēof (dear), from the Proto-Germanic leubaz and was cognate with the Saterland Frisian ljo & ljoo, the West Frisian leaf, the Dutch lief, the Low German leev, the German lieb, the Swedish and Norwegian Nynorsk ljuv, the Gothic liufs, the Russian любо́вь (ljubóv) and the Polish luby.  Man is from the Middle English man, from the Old English mann (human being, person, man), from the Proto-Germanic mann (human being, man) and probably ultimately from the primitive Indo-European mon (man).  A linguistic relic, leman applied originally either to men or women and had something of a romantic range.  It could mean someone of whom one was very fond or something more although usage meant the meaning quickly drifted to the latter: someone's sweetheart or paramour.  In the narrow technical sense it could still be applied to men although it has for so long been a deliberate archaic device and limited to women, that would now just confuse.

About the concubine, while there was a tangled history, there has never been much confusion.  Dating from 1250-1300, concubine was from the Middle English concubine (a paramour, a woman who cohabits with a man without being married to him) from the Anglo-Norman concubine, from the Latin concubīna, derived from cubare (to lie down), the construct being concub- (variant stem of concumbere & concumbō (to lie together)) + -ina (the feminine suffix).  The status (a woman who cohabits with a man without benefit of marriage) existed in Hebrew, Greek, Roman and other civilizations, the position sometimes recognized in law as "wife of inferior condition, secondary wife" and there’s much evidence of long periods of tolerance by religious authorities, extended both to priests and the laity.  The concubine of a priest was sometimes called a priestess although this title was wholly honorary and of no religious significance although presumably, as a vicar's wife might fulfil some role in the parish, they might have been delegated to do this and that.

Once were inamoratas: Lindsay Lohan with former special friend Samantha Ronson, barefoot in Los Cabos, Mexico, 2008.

Under Roman civil law, the parties were the concubina (female) and the concubinus (masculine).  Usually, the concubine was of a lower social order but the institution, though ranking below matrimonium (marriage) was a cut above adulterium (adultery) and certainly more respectable than stuprum (illicit sexual intercourse, literally "disgrace" from stupere (to be stunned, stupefied)) and not criminally sanctioned like rapere (“sexually to violate” from raptus, past participle of rapere, which when used as a noun meant "a seizure, plundering, abduction").  In Medieval Latin it also meant meant also "forcible violation" & "kidnapping" and a misunderstanding of the context in which the word was then used has caused problems in translation ever since .  Concubinage is, in the West, a term largely of historic interest.  It describes a relationship in which a woman engages in an ongoing conjugal relationship with a man to whom she is not or cannot be married to the full extent of the local meaning of marriage.  This may be due to differences in social rank, an existing marriage, religious prohibitions, professional restrictions, or a lack of recognition by the relevant authorities.  Historically, concubinage was often entered into voluntarily because of an economic imperative.  In the modern vernacular, wives use many words to describe their husbands’ mistress(es).  They rarely use concubine.  They might however be tempted to use courtesan which was from the French courtisane, from the Italian cortigiana, feminine of cortigiano (courtier), from corte (court), from the Latin cohors.  A courtesan was a prostitute but a high-priced one who attended only to rich or influential clients and the origin of the term was when it was used of the mistresses of kings or the nobles in the court, the word mistress too vulgar to be used in such circles.

Naughty

Naughty (pronounced naw-tee)

(1) Disobedient; mischievous; wilful; wayward; misbehaving (used especially in speaking to or about children or pets).

(2) Improper, tasteless, indecorous, or indecent.

(3) Wicked; evil (obsolete).

(4) Sexually provocative; usually in a weakened playful sense, risqué or cheeky.

(5) Bad, worthless, sub-standard (obsolete).

1375-1400: From the Middle English naughty, nauȝty, nauȝti, naȝti, nowghty & noughti (needy, having nothing, also (also evil, immoral, corrupt, unclean)), from nought & naught (evil, an evil act; nothingness; a trifle; insignificant person; the number zero), from the Old English nawiht (nothing).  In the seventeenth century, as words like “bad” and “evil” came to be the preferred descriptors of the more extreme, naughty became something milder, used to describe the mischievous or those with a tendency to misbehave or act badly and this soon became most associated with children, a linguistic acknowledgment that bad behaviour unacceptable by an adult was excusable by in youth, This mitigated sense of "disobedient, bad in conduct or speech, improper, mischievous" to describe the delinquencies of children is attested from the 1630s.  The sense of "sexually promiscuous" is from 1869 but between the sixteenth and eighteenth centuries, a woman of bad character (which might include but was not limited to lose virtue) might be called “a naughty pack” and there is evidence this was occasionally extended also to men and later an especially recalcitrant child.  Naughty, naughtier & naughtiest are adjectives; naughtily is an adverb and naughtiness a noun.  The alternative spelling noughty is archaic and obsolete.

The construct was naught + -y.  Naught in the mid-fourteen century meant "evil, an evil act" and also " a trifle"; by circa 1400 it had come to mean "nothingness", hence the adoption by mathematicians in the early fifteenth century as “the number zero" (from noht & naht (nothing) both of which had existed since the twelfth century, from the Old English nawiht (nothing, literally "no whit" from the primitive Indo-European root ne- (not) + wiht (thing, creature, being).  It was cognate with the Old Saxon neowiht (nothing), the Old High German niwiht, the Gothic ni waihts, the Dutch niet, and the German nicht. In the Old English, it became and adjectival form meaning "good for nothing" which endured to evolve by the mid-sixteenth century to the more focused "morally bad, wicked", softened over the years to the way the modern adjective naughty is now variously applied.  Naughty is an adjective & verb, naughtiness is a noun and naughtily an adverb; naughty has been used as a (non-standard) noun, usually as a euphemism for something related to sex so the noun plural there would be naughties (on the model of nasties).

It certainly had a long gestation to get to the point where “naughty” now is used  to describe mischievous kittens, vegan restaurants, sex shops and patisseries.  The primitive Indo European roots ne (not) & wekti (thing) both date back almost seven thousand years and, at the time of Antiquity, proceeded through the Proto-Germanic to become the Old English word nawiht (not a thing; nothing).  With the same meaning the word existed in the Middle English as naht, nought & naught, the last spelling, though now quite rare, enduring to this day.  Naughty was a fourteenth century fork, with the addition of the –y it was used to convey the same quality but with a new meaning (poor, literally "having nothing").  In the way class systems work by association, the rich (and perhaps even more so, the less-poor) extended the definition to include lazy, lawless, dirty, malignant etc (as required) because of a perception of correlation between poverty and crime.  Naughty however mellowed somewhat and society adapted, finding many other words with which to demonise the poor.

Naughty and Nice

Before mobile bandwidth and faster hardware drove them extinct, there were free afternoon newspapers, handed to commuters to read on the bus, tram or train journey home.  They were a welcome replacement for the afternoon papers (for which people had to pay) which, years or even decades earlier had been killed off by television.

mX Newspaper 2012 London Olympics medal table, 2 August 2012.

During the 2012 London Olympic Games, Melbourne’s mX commuter daily noted North Korea (Democratic People’s Republic of Korea; the DPRK) and South Korea (Republic of Korea; the ROK) coincidently were running respectively fourth and fifth in the medal count so causing the ROK directly to sit atop the DPRK on their medal table.  Fearing confusion among readers not well acquainted with the peninsula’s geopolitics, mX decided to help, labelling the South “Nice Korea” and the North “Naughty Korea”.

In Pyongyang, the DPRK’s official Korean Central News Agency was quick to respond, accusing capitalist lackey mX of "…sordid behavior…" and “…a bullying act little short of insulting the Olympic spirit of solidarity, friendship and progress and politicising sports.”  The news media, it added, was “…obliged to lead the public in today's highly-civilised world where [the] mental and cultural level of mankind is being displayed at the highest level.”  Warming to the topic, the agency damned mX’s editors a being “…so incompetent as to tarnish the reputation of the paper…" which will remain a “…symbol of a rogue paper which will long be cursed in Olympic history."

DPRK Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un (b 1983) inspecting the North Korean pastry production line.

In response, mX ran the agency's attack on the next day’s front page under the headline Pyongyang Goes Ballistic Over mX Tally, claiming the table was “…not intended to be offensive” and just a “…humorous but harmless way…” for readers easily to differentiate between two countries with similar names.  It’s presumed Pyongyang was more upset at being labelled “naughty” than it was at the rogue state in the south being called “nice”.  Although nice has had many meanings, the agency probably well understood mX’s implication and acted appropriately against the imperialist propaganda.  The newspaper’s explanation was apparently accepted as an apology, the Supreme Leader not ordering any retaliatory missile strikes on the editorial office.

Naughty but Nice Patisserie, 39 Ilsham Road, Wellswood, Torquay, TQ1 2JG, UK.  Cakes, pastries, pies & rolls etc; it’s thought The Supreme Leader approves of pastry shops.

Naughty or Nice sex shop, 836 Main St, Lewiston, 83501 Idaho, USA.  Lingerie, toys, devices & accessories etc; it’s not known if The Supreme Leader approves of sex shops.

In December 2022, as a holiday season promotion, the Pepsi Corporation teamed with Lindsay Lohan to promote Pilk.  A Pilk is a mix of Pepsi Cola and milk, one of a class of dirty sodas created by PepsiCo which includes the Naughty & Ice, the Chocolate Extreme, the Cherry on Top, the Snow Float and the Nutty Cracker.  All are intended to be served with cookies (biscuits) and although Ms Lohan confessed to being “…a bit sceptical when first I heard of this pairing”, she was quickly converted, noting that “…after my first sip I was amazed at how delicious it was, so I’m very excited for the rest of the world to try it.”  

PepsiCo provided the instructions for mixing a Naughty & Ice: "For a pure milk taste that's infused with notes of vanilla, measure and combine 1 cup of whole milk, 1 tbsp of heavy cream and 1 tbsp of vanilla creamer.  From there, pour the mixture slowly into 1 cup of Pepsi and serve with a chocolate chip cookie."

Naughty and nice: Lindsay Lohan promotes Pilk.

Simonize

Simonize (pronounced sahy-muh-nahyz)

(1) To polish the exposed surfaces of an automobile (specifically using Simoniz brand products; later used generically).

(2) To shine or polish something to a high sheen, especially with wax.

Circa 1921: A creation of US English meaning "polish by the application of Simoniz wax”, from Simoniz, the registered trademark for a brand of car polish invented by George Simons who in association with Elmer Rich of the Great Northern Railway, in 1910 formed the Simons Manufacturing Company (Chicago) to produce and sell the products.  The construct was Simoniz + “e”, the addition an emulation of the –ize prefix  Said to have been in oral use since circa 1921, lexicographers began to add simonize (as a verb with the noted meaning) to dictionaries in 1935.   In the English-speaking world, the word often appeared (outside North America) as simonise.  Simonize, simonizes, simonized & simonizing are verbs.

The –ize suffix was from the Middle English -isen, from the Middle French -iser, from the Medieval Latin -izō, from the Ancient Greek -ίζω (-ízō), from the primitive Indo-European verbal suffix -idyé-.  It was cognate with other verbal suffixes including the Gothic -itjan, the Old High German –izzen and the Old English -ettan (verbal suffix).  It was used to form verbs from nouns or adjectives which (1) make what is denoted by the noun or adjective & (2) do what is denoted by the noun or adjective.  The alternative form is –ise.  Historically, the –ize suffix was used on words originating from Greek while –ise was preferred (most prevalently as -vise, -tise, -cise and –prise) on words derived from various roots, many of which entered English via French.  In the nineteenth century, under the influence of French literature, in the UK and other parts of the British Empire, -ise often replaced –ize even when there was a long tradition of the latter’s use.  The authoritative Oxford English Dictionary (OED) never changed its spellings which meant that throughout the Empire (and later the Commonwealth), both forms appeared and before the advent of spell-checkers (which ensured that at least within a given document there was consistency) use was mixed although, under the Raj and beyond, India tended to stick to –ise.  The –ize has always been the preferred form in North America.

Spa day service station, Connecticut Avenue. Washington DC, September 1940.

Although simonize had by then entered the language as verb meaning “to shine or polish something to a high sheen, especially with wax”, one of the early conditions imposed to permit the advertising of “Simonizing” as a service was the exclusive use of genuine Simoniz brand products.

One reason companies registered trademarks used to be a wish to control the use of the name, businesses wishing to prevent their exclusive brand becoming so popular it came to be used to describe, and to some extent even define, all similar products.  The process was called genericide by the experts in business and marketing, the idea being that in becoming a generic term, some of the value invested in the product and its name was transferred to competitors.  The classic example was the vacuum cleaner made by Hoover, the word catching on to the extent that within years, just about all vacuuming came to be called “hoovering”, regardless of the manufacturer of the device doing the sucking.  The problem was that while trademark holders could restrict their use by corporations, what the public did was beyond their control and language just evolved by popular use.

The early Xerox photocopiers were always advertised as devices to be used by women.

The literature often cites Xerox as an example of the problem of the public perception of a corporation being defined in their imagination by its best known product.  The phrase “xerox it” had by the late 1960s become the default expression meaning “photocopy it” and was of concern to the corporation because they feared their differentiation in the market place would be lost.  Time however change and now, Microsoft would doubtless be delighted if “bing it” became as much a term of everyday speech as “google it”.  That is of course a little different because “Bing” is one of Microsoft’s many trademarks rather than the corporate name but the modern view now generally is that the public “verbing-up” a trademark is a very good thing and an easy way to extend the prized “brand awareness”.

The perfect secretary did much "xeroxing" but according to Xerox, would never say "xerox it".

Twitter’s case is a variation on the theme and a case study on how such matters must be managed.  The verb form “to tweet” became a verb through popular use which induced Twitter to trademark the term in 2009.  From there, the company announced they would not seek to restrict its use by third parties using “tweet” for Twitter-related services and apps but warned they would seek both injunctive relief and damages were there evidence of a “confusing or damaging project” to “to protect both our users our brand."  What Twitter wanted to do was ensure “tweet” was used in a way beneficial and not detrimental to them.

The Great Crash of 2005

Crashed and towed, Los Angeles, 2005.

In October 2005, Lindsay Lohan went for a drive in her Mercedes-Benz SL 65 AMG roadster.  It didn’t end well.  Based on the R230 (2001-2011) platform, the SL 65 AMG was produced between 2004-2012, all versions rated in excess of 600 horsepower, something perhaps not a wise choice for someone with no background handling such machinery though it could have been worse, the factory building 400 (175 for the US market, 225 for the RoW (rest of the world)) of the even more powerful SL 65 Black Series, the third occasion an SL was offered without a soft-top and the second time one had been configured with a permanent fixed-roof.  A production number of 350 is sometimes quoted but those maintaining registers insist it was 400.

Fixed and simonized, Texas, 2007.

By 2007, the car (still with California registration plates (5LZF057) attached) had been repaired, detailed & simonized and was being offered for sale in Texas, the odometer said to read 6207 miles (9989 km).  Bidding was said to be “healthy” so it was thought all's well that ends well but once the vehicle's provenance was brought to the attention of the repair shop, it was realized the celebrity connection might increase its value so it was advertised on eBay with more detail, including the inevitable click-bait of LiLo photographs.  However, either eBay doesn't approve of commerce profiting from the vicissitudes suffered by Hollywood starlets or they'd received a C&D (cease & desist) letter from someone's lawyers and the auction ended prematurely.  It proved a brief respite, the SL 65 soon back on eBay Motors but with the offending part of the blurb limited to "previously owned by high profile celebrity", leaving it to prospective buyers to join the dots.