Showing posts sorted by relevance for query Spandex. Sort by date Show all posts
Showing posts sorted by relevance for query Spandex. Sort by date Show all posts

Monday, December 11, 2023

Spandex

Spandex (pronounced span-deks)

(1) A synthetic fibre composed of a long-chain polymer, used chiefly in the manufacture of garments to enhance their elasticity.

(2) Something made from the material (usually clothing).

1959: Spandex was coined as an anagram of the word expands, an allusion to the synthetic fibre's exceptional properties of elasticity and is a polyether-polyurea copolymer invented by an industrial chemist at DuPont.  Spandex is the preferred name in North America.  In continental Europe it’s known by variants of elastane (élasthanne (France), elastan (Germany & Sweden), elastano (Spain), elastam (Italy) and elastaan (Netherlands).  In the UK, Ireland, Portugal, Spain, Brazil, Argentina, Australia, New Zealand and Israel, it’s described usually as Lycra and the generic term is elastane (which tends to be restricted to technical use).  The acronym MAMIL stands for "middle-aged man in lycra" and is usually applied to men of a certain age who have taken up cycling.  Spandex is a noun; the noun plural is spandexes.

Lycra and Spandex

The Australian mamil in his natural habitat: Tony Abbott (b 1957; Prime Minister of Australia 2013-2015) wearing Spandex (which, being Australian, he would call lycra).

Spandex and Lycra are the same material.  The Dupont Company registered Lycra as a tradename for a Spandex fibre thread because their marketing people thought a word like Spandex (coined by an industrial chemist) wouldn’t appeal to the female demographic at which many of the products were aimed and there is some genuine science in the deconstruction of words adopted or created for trademarks to use as product names.  It surprised some when one Microsoft revealed his regret at the use of the name "Windows NT" in 1993 because subsequent research had discovered "N" & "T" were perceived as two of the "weakest letters".  Now we know there are "weak" & "strong" letters in the alphabet and, impressionistically, the car manufacturers certainly seem to tend to favor some letters (A,C,D,E,F,G,I,J,K,L,O,R,S,T,V,X,Z) and avoid others (B,H,M,N,P,Q,U,W,Y).  NT actually stood for "New Technology", applying to software the tradition IBM had established in hardware by calling successive generations of the personal computer (PC) architecture XT (eXtended Technology) & AT (Advanced Technology).  Microsoft retired NT and it may be assumed "X" & "P" (the fondly remembered Windows XP debuted in 2001) must be "strong" letters although apart from the unhappy experiences with "Millennium" & "Vista", the post-NT Microsoft has stuck mostly to numeric strings.  Dupont attached the trademark to a newly created subsidiary company called Invista but it was later sold to another corporation.  Spandex and Lycra are thus the same material, Spandex being a generic term to describe the cloth whereas Lycra is a brand name for a range of Spandex products manufactured, marketed or licenced by Invista.  In Australia, Middle-Aged Men In Lycra, usually on their bicycles, are known as Mamils.  The sight can disturb some.

Spandex fibres under an electron microscope.

Spandex is a lightweight synthetic fibre which gains its quality of exceptional elasticity from its long-chain polymers named polyurethane and is made by combining polyester with a diisocyanate.  The fibres can be stretched to almost five times their original length and has the characteristic of an elastomer, a material which, after being stretched, returns to its original shape.  Invented in 1958 by DuPont, Spandex was one of the many products of post-war US industry with origins in the research effort undertaken into artificial rubber in the early 1940s.  Even before the supply of natural rubber was disrupted in the early days of World War II (1939-1945) some of the basic research involved the creation of strong, elastic synthetic polymers and the first polyurethane elastomers were produced in 1940.  After the war, the chemical industries in both Germany and the US continued polymer development and a spandex-like fibre was patented in Germany in 1952 but it was Dupont in 1958 which invented the process of synthesis suitable for mass-production and it was this which became Spandex, commercially released in 1962.

Lindsay Lohan in Spandex, promotional poster for Machete (2010).  The gun is an IMI Uzi.

One of many rapid-firing guns named after its designer (Uziel "Uzi" Gal (1923–2002)), the Israeli-made Uzi was first issued to military special forces in 1952, becoming a general-issue weapon in the Israel Defense Forces (IDF) in 1954.  Originally classified as a light-machine gun, it's now usually listed as a machine pistol and has for decades been one of the most widely used weapons of its type, said (officially) to have been exported to 103 countries.  The first releases used exclusively a 25 round magazine and 9mm cartridges but a capacity of 32 was later standardised.  Variants of the 9mm shell remain the most popular load but conversions are available for other calibres including the .45 ACP and the .22 LR (Rifle).

Senator Jane Hume who admits wearing lycra.

In June 2024, Lycra received a mention in a most improbable forum: Senate estimates.  Senate estimates are hearings conducted by the Australian Senate (the federal upper house) during which senators scrutinise government expenditure, the name “estimates” used because what is examined is (1) how much money the government estimates it will collect and (2) how it claims to be planning to spend it all.  The charm of the estimates process is that senators can question ministers, public servants and other officials about the work of the government and although politicians are adept at avoiding telling the truth, the employees are less skilled so interesting facts sometimes emerge and the rules under which the hearings are conducted are determined by the senators and not the government (a ruling party enjoying a majority in the Senate is rare) so there’s a wide scope for lines of questioning to be pursued.

Joseph Longo who denies wearing lycra.

Lycra got a mention when Joseph Longo (b 1958; ASIC (Australian Securities & Investments Commission, the successor to the old NCSC (National Companies & Securities Commission) chair since 2021) sat before the senators.  His appearance moved Senator Jane Hume (b 1971; senator for Victoria (Liberal) since 2016) to remark: “I feel this is very awkward, every time I see Mr Longo now it seems to be at the gym on Saturday mornings.  So I apologise for the lycra.”  There was some ambiguity in the last sentence which prompted someone to ask: “His or yours?”  Senator Hume clarified things by responding: “Less worthy men have seen me in far less.” and to set minds at rest Mr Longo added: “I want to reassure the committee that I will never be seen in lycra.”  Unfortunately, things ended with the senator saying: “Sorry, I forgot myself for a moment.” before turning to matters related to government expenditure.  Strictly speaking: “Men less worthy have seen me in far less.” would have been better but as a spur-of-the-moment thing, it was pretty good.

Monday, September 25, 2023

Fishnet

Fishnet (pronounced fish-net)

(1) A net for catching fish.

(2) A fabric with an open mesh, resembling a fishnet.

(3) Being of an open-mesh weave.

(4) In fashion as a clipping of “fishnet stockings” & “fishnet tights”, usually in the form “fishnets”.

(5) In math, geometry and mapping, as “fishnet grid”, a grid of equally-sized (usually square or rectangular) cells which can be overlaid onto another representations (graphs, chart-lines, maps etc) for various purposes.  

Pre 1000: from the Middle English, from the Old English fiscnett, the construct being fish + net.  Fish was from the Middle English fisch, from the Old English fisċ (fish), from the Proto-West Germanic fisk, from the Proto-Germanic fiskaz (fish).  It may be compared with the West Frisian fisk, the Dutch vis, the German Fisch, the Danish, Norwegian & Swedish fisk and the Icelandic fiskur, from the primitive Indo-European peys- (fish) (the equivalent form in was iasc and in Latin piscis.  Net was from the Middle English nett, from the Old English net & nett, from the Proto-West Germanic nati, from the Proto-Germanic natją, from the primitive Indo-European ned- (to turn, twist, knot).  It was cognate with the West Frisian net, the Low German Nett, the Dutch net, the German Netz, the Danish net and the Swedish nät.  Fishnet is a noun & adjective and fishnetted & fishnetty are adjectives; the noun plural is fishnets.

The most obvious “fishnet grid” is of course the fishnet, used by fishers to harvest seafood and one of the oldest technologies still in use with its essential design unchanged although much has changed in terms of materials, scale and techniques of use, some now highly controversial.  The same design (a grid structure with equal sized cells) is used in various field including (1) concreting where the steel reinforcing for slabs is used in this form, either in pre-made sections or assembled on-site.  (2) In agriculture, the grids are used as a support structure for climbing plants like beans which grow up the grid, gaining enhanced exposure to airflow and sunlight; ultimately, the arrangements also make harvesting easier and cheaper.  Made now with slender, strong, cheap and lightweight plastic strands which don’t absorb moisture, like the nets used to harvest fish, the agricultural mesh is produced in a variety of cell sizes, the choice dictated by the crop. (3) In architecture and interior decorating, grids are common design element, sometimes integrated into structural members and sometimes merely decorative.  (4) In fashion, the most famous fishnet grids are of course those used on stockings & tights where the most frequently seen patterns are diamonds or squares displayed with points perpendicular.  When used of other garments, the orientation of the cells can vary. (5) In industrial design, fishnet grids made of durable materials like steel or synthetic fibers are widely used, providing structures which can be lighter than those made with solid materials yet, in a seeming paradox, be stronger, at least in the direction of the stresses to which they’ll be exposed.  Such constructions are often used in support structures, fencing and other barriers.

North America with the lines of latitude & longitude as traditionally depicted in maps using a fishnet grid (left) and in a form which reflects the effects of the curvature of the earth.

In cartography, the most famous fishnet grid is that made up from the lines of latitude & longitude which, east & west, north & south, encircle the globe and have for centuries been used for navigation.  However, the familiar representation of the lines of latitude and longitude as a fishnet grid is illusory because the common, rectangular map of the world is just a two-dimensional rendering of a three dimensional sphere.  For most purposes, the flat map is ideal but when lines of latitude & longitude were added, so were distortions because the lines of longitude converge at the poles, becoming progressively closer as they move away from the equator.  Never parallel on the sphere which is planet Earth, on a map the lines are exactly parallel; a perfect fishnet grid.

The politics of the Mercator Map

The Mercator projection was developed in 1568 by Flemish geographer, cosmographer & cartographer Gerardus Mercator (1512–1594) as a navigation tool with spherical planet earth depicted on a flat rectangular grid with parallel lines of latitude and longitude.  Its functionality was such that in the west, it became the standard technique of projection for nautical navigation and the de facto standard for maps and charts.  For seafarers it was invaluable; all they needed do was follow the line on the chart and, barring accidents, they would arrive where intended.  However, the Mercator map is a most imprecise representation of the precise shapes and relative sizes of land masses because the projection distorts the size of objects as the latitude increases from the Equator to the poles, where scale becomes infinite.  That’s why land-masses such as Greenland and Antarctica appear much larger than they actually are, relative to equatorial areas such as central Africa.

The Mercator map (left), the distorting effect of the Mercator projection with the real size in the darker shade (centre) and the actual geography of Earth's land masses (right).

In the twentieth century, that distortion attracted criticism on the grounds the projection tended to increase the size of the land-masses of the European colonial powers while reducing those in the colonized south.  However, neither Gerardus Mercator nor other cartographers had social or political axes to grind; the geographical distortion was an unintended consequence of what was designed as a navigational device and it's anyway impossible accurately to depict the surface of a sphere as a two-dimensional rectangle or square (the so-called "orange-segment" renditions are dimensionally most accurate but harder to read).  The Mercator map is no different from the map of the London Underground; a thing perfect for navigation and certainly indicative but not to exact scale.  Modern atlases generally no longer use the Mercator map (except for historical or artistic illustrations) but they’re still published as wall-maps.

The Tube

The classic "map" of the London underground is an ideal navigational aid but, conceptual rather than being drawn to scale, applying a fishnet grid would be both pointless and without meaning.  Professional cartographers refer to such things as "diagrams" or "mud maps", the latter a colloquial term which began life in the military and was a reference to the improvised "maps" drawn in the soil by soldiers in the field.  While not precise, to scale or a detailed representation of an area, they were a simple visual aid to assist in navigation.

Fishnet fan Lindsay Lohan: Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), (left), Elle Style Awards, London, February 2015 (centre) and Cannes Film Festival, May 2017 (right).  

There are both fishnet tights and fishnet stockings and unless worn in a manner to permit an observer to discern which, whether it’s one or another is often known only to the wearer, the distinction blurred further by manufacturers being sometimes inclined to be a bit loose with their labeling.  While both items of leg-wear, there are technical differences in the construction, coverage and style.  Tights should be made of a thicker, more opaque material which affords complete coverage from the waist to the toes.  Although a fashion item, the historic purpose of tights was to keep the legs warm in cold weather and they were a garment of some importance when there were dress codes which denied women the right to wear trousers.  Constructed almost always in one piece, tights have an elastic waistband which has the primary purpose of keeping them in place but there are some tights which technically are “shapewear”, the midsection an expanded, all-round elastic panel which has a mild compression effect on the areas around and immediately above the hips, rendering a more trim silhouette.  Except for a handful of high-priced products, tights use relatively thick materials like nylon or spandex (sold as lycra in some markets).  There are also composite materials now available which has meant the range of thicknesses, colors and patterns offered has been expanded and the finishes range from semi-sheer to opaque, making them suitable for casual and formal occasions while still providing protection from the cold.  The essential difference between tights and leggings is the later are shorter, stopping anywhere from the ankle to the upper calf (although some specialized sports leggings extend only to somewhere above the knee).

Australian architect & multi-media installation Bianca Censori (b 1995), Instagram post, May 2025.

Ms Censori is one of the industry's leading practitioners of minimalist fashion and on this occasion paired a fishnet top with sheer tights, sunglasses the only visible accessory.  Wearing unobtrusive mules rather than the fishnet’s clichéd stilettos was a nice juxtaposition and the background was well-chosen, proving the value of a trained architect's eye.

Classically, stockings were designed to cover only the legs between the upper-thigh and the toes.  Made typically from a sheer material, they are held in place by a device called a “garter belt” or “suspender belt” which sits around the hips, two (sometimes three) elastic “suspender slings” (a marvelous name) are attached to each side at the ends of which are metal clips into which a rubber or silicone disc is inserted through the stocking material, holding it permanently in place.  Usually sheer in a color spectrum from black to white (with a solid emphasis of “skin tone” although sensitivity to the implications of that term means it now less used), patterns are also available and among the most popular is the single, emulated “seam” running vertically up the back of the leg.  Until the mid twentieth century, stockings were made almost exclusively from silk are they remain available but the majority use some form of synthetic, either nylon or a nylon-mix and are thought to impart both a more delicate and refined look and are thus associated with formal attire.  The modern hybrid which has since the 1970s captured most of the stocking market is “pantyhose” (the construct being a portmanteau of the modified clippings of panties (panty) + hosiery (hose).  Pantyhose used the design of tights and the sheer material of stockings, the obvious advantage being the convenience of not needing the belt apparatus with its alluring but fiddly “suspender slings”.  Fishnet pantyhose are available.

The obsessive fear of nets (as opposed to mere sensible caution) is amphiblestronophobia and this would include those with a morbid aversion to fishnets although, depending on the evidence presented, a clinician might give the patient a diagnosis of textophobia (the irrational fear of certain fabrics).  There seems in the literature no mention of specific phobia tied exclusively to a fear of fishnets; while there may be a few whose experiences have led them to fear those who wear fishnets, that’s not quite the same thing.  That notwithstanding, the non-standard nouns fishnetism and fishnetists are there for those who self-identify as fishnetophiles.  The American Psychiatric Association's (APA) Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) does sometimes include discussions of specific objects and devices but fishnets seem never to have been mentioned.  Obviously though, fishnet clothing could be an element in a paraphilic disorder, a category of eight updated in the DSM’s fifth edition (DSM-5, 2013).  These disorders are characterized by intense and recurrent urges or fantasies focused on atypical sexual objects, situations, or non-consenting individuals and while those which cause significant distress or impairment can come to the attention of clinicians, there are presumably many individuals who either successfully self-manage or actively cherish their paraphilias, something no longer thought requiring clinical intervention provided the practices are “victim free”.

(1) Voyeuristic Disorder: Sexual arousal from observing others without their knowledge or consent.  This would include those aroused by the sight of fishnet garments being worn “in the wild”.

(2) Exhibitionistic Disorder: Sexual arousal from exposing one's genitals to unsuspecting strangers.

(3) Frotteuristic Disorder: Sexual arousal from touching or rubbing against a non-consenting person.

(4) Sexual Masochism Disorder: Sexual arousal from being humiliated, beaten, bound, or otherwise made to suffer.  Fishnet garments may be involved because they’re a stereotypical part of the “uniform” worn in the BDSM (Bondage; Discipline (dominance and submission); SadoMasochism) community but they would be an incidental element.

(5) Sexual Sadism Disorder: Sexual arousal from inflicting pain or humiliation on others.  Again, fishnets may be present but merely coincidental to the condition.

(6) Pedophilic Disorder: Sexual arousal from a desire to have sexual contact with a child who is not of legal age of consent.

(7) Fetishistic Disorder: Sexual arousal from non-living objects, non-genital body parts, or a combination of both.  Fishnet garments would be a classic example of a particular clothing fetish but the fondness is a spectrum and of clinical significance only if causing a patient distress or impairment.

(8) Transvestic Disorder: Sexual arousal from dressing in clothing associated with the opposite sex, particularly when not related to a transgender identity.  Fishnet garments could be an element in this but are not essential.

Friday, March 26, 2021

Goodly

Goodly (pronounced good-lee)

(1) Of a substantial size or quantity.

(2) Of a good or fine appearance (rare).

(3) Of fine quality (obsolete).

(4) Highly virtuous (obsolete unless quantity is thought virtuous which does seem possible).

Pre 1000: From the Middle English, from the Old English gōdlīc, from the Proto-Germanic gōdalīkaz (equivalent to the Old English gōd (good)).  The construct was good + -ly.  Good was from the Middle English good & god, from Old English gōd (that which is good, a good thing; goodness; advantage, benefit; gift; virtue; property), from the Proto-West Germanic gōd, from the Proto-Germanic gōdaz, from the primitive Indo-European ghed (to unite, be associated, suit).  It was cognate with the Dutch goed, the German gut, the Old Norse gōthr, the Gothic goths & the Russian го́дный (gódnyj) (fit, well-suited, good for) & год (god) (year). The –ly prefix was from the Middle English -ly, -li, -lik & -lich, from the Old English -līċ, from the Proto-West Germanic -līk, from the Proto-Germanic -līkaz (having the body or form of), from līką (body) (from whence Modern German gained lich); in form, it was probably influenced by the Old Norse -ligr (-ly) and was cognate with the Dutch -lijk, the German -lich and the Swedish -lig.  It was used (1) to form adjectives from nouns, the adjectives having the sense of "behaving like, having a likeness or having a nature typical of what is denoted by the noun" and (2) to form adjectives from nouns specifying time intervals, the adjectives having the sense of "occurring at such intervals".  Goodly, goodlier & goodliest are adjectives and goodliness is a noun.

Lindsay Lohan with a largifical show of skin and a goodly sprinkle of freckles in Lynn Kiracofe tiara & Frye boots with Calvin Klein Original’s blue cotton jeans over white polyester and spandex XT Trunk briefs, W Magazine photo shoot, April 2005.

In English, goodly was long used to mean (1) someone or some act thought commendable or virtuous, (2) an item of high quality, (3) something or someone attractive and (4) ample or numerous in quality.  It was thus variously a synonym of many words including ample, big, biggish, burly, capacious, comprehensive, decent, extensive, good, great, gross, hefty, husky, jumbo, largish, major, massive, ponderous, respectable, sensible, beautiful & virtuous.  However, by the mid-twentieth century most senses of goodly had gone extinct and the word was only ever used of something quantitative.  Even then it was (and remains) rare but it exists in a niche populated by poets and literary novelists so its audience is thus limited.  As an example of the inconsistency in English’s evolution, the sense of virtue did survive in the noun goodliness.  An alternative to goodly when speaking of quantities was largifical and unlike goodly, it did not survive although large obviously has flourished.  The adjective largifical was from the Latin largificus, from largus (bountiful, liberal), the construct being an adaptation (via facere (in fact)) of larg(us) + faciō (do, make), from the Proto-Italic fakjō, from the primitive Indo-European dheh- (to put, place, set), the cognates of which included the Ancient Greek τίθημι (títhēmi), the Sanskrit दधाति (dádhāti), the Old English dōn (from which English ultimately gained “do”) and the Lithuanian dėti (to put).  So, beyond the confines of the literary novel, the preferred alternatives to goodly and largifical include sufficient, adequate, plenty, abundant, enough, satisfactory, plentiful, copious, profuse, rich, lavish, liberal, generous, bountiful, large, huge, great, bumper, flush, prolific, overflowing, generous & ample, the choice dictated by the nuances of need.

Friday, November 11, 2022

Legging

Legging (pronounced leg-ing)

(1) A covering for the leg, usually extending from the ankle to the knee but sometimes higher, worn by soldiers, riders, workers, etc. 

(2) The pants of a two-piece snowsuit.

(3) In the plural, as leggings, (1) close-fitting trousers worn by mostly by women and girls (as fashion items) & (2) close fitting trousers worn as support in sporting competitions.

(4) In slang, as “legging it”, (1) to proceed somewhere by foot or (2) to proceed somewhere by any means with some alacrity, a variation of the latter being “shake a leg”.

1745–1755: The construct was leg(g) + -ing (the more illustrative alternative spelling being leggin (leg(g) + in).  The noun leg was from the Middle English leg & legge, from the Old Norse leggr (leg, calf, bone of the arm or leg, hollow tube, stalk), from the Proto-Germanic lagjaz & lagwijaz (leg, thigh) which may have been from the primitive Indo-European (ǝ)lak- or lēk- (leg; the main muscle of the arm or leg).  It was cognate with the Scots leg (leg), the Icelandic leggur (leg, limb), the Norwegian Bokmål legg (leg), the Norwegian Nynorsk legg (leg), the Swedish Swedish lägg (leg, shank, shaft), the Danish læg (leg), the Lombardic lagi (thigh, shank, leg), the Latin lacertus (limb, arm) and the Persian لنگ‎ (leng).  It almost wholly displaced the native Old English sċanca (from which Modern English gained shank) which may have been from a root meaning “crooked”.  The origin of the Germanic forms remains uncertain and the Old Norse senses may be compared with Bein (“leg” in German) which in the Old High German meant "bone, leg".

A pair of lappet-faced vultures.  Native to parts of Africa and the Arabian Peninsula, there's no evidence the lappet-faced vulture (Nubian vulture (Torgos tracheliotos)) influenced the development of the early leggings.

The slang use is derived from the circa 1500 verb which from the start was usually in the form “leg it”, meaning “proceed on foot by walking or running”.  The meaning "part of pants which cover the leg" is from 1570s and by the 1870s as an adjective it had a acquired the salacious hint of artistic displays focused on the female form with most of the leg exposed.  In the jargon of the theatre, leg-business was slang for "dance; ballet."  The idea of a leg as "a part or stage of a journey or race" dates only from 1920 and was based on the earlier sense (from 1865) applied to sailing ships which meant "a run made by a ship on a single tack when beating to windward" which sailors defined as long leg or short leg, the notion being the leg ending when the direction had to be altered.  The theatre slang “shake a leg” by 1869 meant “dance” and this by 1800 spread to the general population where it meant "hurry up".  To be “on (one's) last legs” meant “close to death”, the earliest known instance in print being from the 1590s.  To take “leg bail” was late eighteenth century underworld and legal slang for "run away" in the sense either of escaping from apprehension or not appearing in court as summonsed.  The phrase “having the legs” meant “enduring success, staying power" emerged in the late 1960s to describe Broadway shows which enjoyed an extended session while “long legged” was an automotive term which referred to a vehicle with an ability effortlessly to cruise at high speed.  Leg-side and off-side are the two hemispheres of a cricket ground, divided down the middle of the batting pitch.  The leg-side is that closest to a batsman's legs while the off-side is that closest to the bat when the normal batting position is adopted; leg and off-side thus swap identities depending on whether the batsman is left or right-handed.  The distinction explains the origin of many fielding positions (long off, deep backward square leg, leg slip etc) but, confusingly, the leg designation is only used for the "leg quarter" of the field, positions forward of square leg using "on" (as opposed to "off") thus long on, long off etc.   

The suffix –ing was from the Middle English -ing, from the Old English –ing & -ung (in the sense of the modern -ing, as a suffix forming nouns from verbs), from the Proto-West Germanic –ingu & -ungu, from the Proto-Germanic –ingō & -ungō. It was cognate with the Saterland Frisian -enge, the West Frisian –ing, the Dutch –ing, The Low German –ing & -ink, the German –ung, the Swedish -ing and the Icelandic –ing; All the cognate forms were used for the same purpose as the English -ing).  Legging & leggings are nouns, legging (in its slang sense) is a verb and legginged is an adjective.  The noun plural is leggings.

Henry VIII (1491–1547; King of England 1509-1547) & Lindsay Lohan illustrate the enduring appeal of leggings.

In the West, so ubiquitous for so long have been leggings that they seem less a trend than a fixture but historians of fashion have noted that leggings have been in and out of style since first they were worn in the fourteenth century, “going out” and “coming back” for hundreds of years.  Although now (except in sport or hidden under layers when worn by scuba-divers, mountaineers or those on ski fields) associated almost exclusively with women and girls, leggings appear first to have been worn by men in fourteenth century Scotland.  The early leggings were two separate, hip-high, boot-like apparatuses made of either leather or chainmail, intended for both civilian and military use and they evolved into thick garments (like tights), worn under cotehardies (a kind of blend of a cardigan, coat and hoodie (ankle-length for women, shorter for men), from the Old French cote-hardie, the construct being cote (coat) + hardie (hardy)) for the mid-Renaissance until the late eighteenth century (although they fell from favor with women more than a hundred years earlier.  Men abandoned them too as the combination of trousers, shirts and jackets became the standard form of dress, something which endures to this day.

Audrey Hepburn in capri pants, 1954.

The first modern day revival was stimulated by fashion designers in the 1950s using the capri pants in their early post-war shows, the slender waist-defining cropped black pants ideal emphasizing the preferred shape of the era and while they weren’t the now familiar skin-tight leggings, they offered a dramatic contrast with the wider-leg styles associated with the 1940s.  It was the debut of Lycra (spandex) in 1959 which made possible leggings in their modern form and fashion photographers soon honed techniques best suited when they were paired with the new generation of mini-skirts, the lines and allure of leg, paradoxically, emphasized when covered.

Bella Hadid (b 1996) in leggings coming from and going to the gym.  She looks good, coming or going.

The industry notes a brief lull in their popularity during the hippie era when many restraining devices were discarded (and sometime even ceremonially burned) but by the late 1970s they were back and the trend accelerated in the 1980s when the new popularity of active-wear spread beyond the gym to the street and, significantly, the new influencer platform of the music video and the stretchy things survived the onslaught of leg warmers.  Lycra was well suited to bright, shiny colors and the leotard over leggings look became a motif of the decade.  It was perhaps a bit much and things got darker and baggier in the 1990s but the practicality of the things was ultimately irresistible and the innovation of stirrup-leggings was a harbinger of the new century.  It does seem they’re now here to stay and full-length, liquid leggings have in a sense replaced pants, something which upset some Middle-Eastern airlines which were compelled to remind passengers their dress code allowed pants for women but that “leggings are not pants”, a rule enforced in the West on female visitors to some men’s prisons.

Gym pants are a variation of leggings.  Cut usually to calf-length, the design is optimized for exercise.  Ina-Maria Schnitzer (b 1986; who modeled as Jordan Carver) demonstrates the advantages.

Wednesday, January 1, 2025

Vagina & Vulva

Vagina (pronounced vuh-jahy-nuh)

(1) In anatomy & zoology, in many female mammals, the moist, tube-shaped canal part of the reproductive tract which runs from the cervix of the uterus through the vulva (technically between the labia minora) to the outside of the body.

(2) In botany, the sheath formed by the basal part of certain leaves where they embrace the stem.

(3) A sheath-like part or organ (now rare even in technical literature).

(4) In colloquial (and now general) use, the vulva, or the vulva and vaginal passage collectively.

(5) In derogatory colloquial use, an un-masculine man; a weakling (now rare, “pussy” the preferred modern term).

1675-1685: A creation of Medical Latin, a learned borrowing of the Latin vāgīna.  As used in anatomy, the seventeenth century coining was a specialized application of the Latin vāgīna (a sheath, scabbard; a covering, holder; sheath of an ear of grain, hull, husk) of uncertain origin, the suggestion by some etymologists it may have been cognate with the Lithuanian vožiu & vožti (to cover with a hollow thing) dismissed by others as “speculative” or even “gratuitous proposal”.  The use in medicine is exclusive to modern science, the Latin word not used thus during Antiquity.  Vagina is a noun, vaginal & vaginalike are adjectives, vaginally is an adverb; the noun plural is vaginas or vaginae (the old spelling vaginæ is effectively extinct); the part of the anatomy used for copulation & childbirth in female mammals and a similar organ exists in some invertebrates.

A damp Lindsay Lohan demonstrates the “cameltoe” look, Los Angeles, 2009 (left) and NoToe'sCameltoe Proof Thong” solution (right).

Borrowed from zoology, “cameltoe” is popular modern slang which specifically references the vulva's labia majora, comparing the bifurcated (at certain angles) appearance with the even-toed hoof of a camel, the hooves of the ungulate mammals (known as Artiodactyls) an adaptation to the typically loose, sandy environment in which they evolved.  The slang form (also as camel toe & camel-toe) was re-purposed as “Cameltoe Harris”, a derogatory reference to Kamala Harris (b 1964; VPOTUS (US vice president) 2021-2025), use seemingly dating from 2015 while she was serving in California as attorney-general.  Just as in many fields where “there’s an app for that”, for those wishing to avoid the look, “there are knickers for that”.  Brisbane-based Australian operation NoToe's Cameltoe Proof Thong is made with “a Nylon/Spandex blend”, the design said to be “…breathable, seamless, tagless and roll-free thanks to its silicone grip.  And of course, it's cameltoe proof!  In addition to removing the cameltoe, the thong also eliminates the dreaded VPL (visible panty line) and the product is “Designed Down Under for Down Under.”  One more gap in the market has been filled so that's good.

The vluva and vagina have for centuries attracted the coining of slang terms, not all of them derogatory.  In idiomatic use “vaginamoney” is (often embittered) slang for alimony, child support etc, money paid by men to ex-partners after the sundering of a relationship.  One slang form which may not survive is "hairy check book" (cheque book outside the US) because (1) checks are declining in use and (2) body-hair fashions have changed.  In psychiatry, the condition vaginaphobic describes “a fear of or morbid aversion to vaginas) and vaginaphile (an admiration for vaginas) is listed by only some dictionaries which is surprising given authors are so often given to write about them and painters are drawn to painting them (in the sense of oil on canvas etc although there’s doubtless a niche for applying paint directly).  Dating from 1908, the term “vagina dentata” entered psychiatry and its popularization is usually attributed Austrian psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud (1856-1939) although this perception may be attributable to Freud’s works being better known and more widely read, the term used by many in the profession.  The Latin vagina dentata (toothed vagina) referenced the folk mythology in which a woman's vagina contained teeth, the implication being a consequence of sex might be emasculation or at least severe injury.  The tale was also used as a warning about having sex with unknown women and as a way of discouraging rape.  The vivid imagery of a vagina dentata (in somewhat abstract form) was used by the US military as a warning about the dangers of STIs (sexually transmitted infection (once known as sexually transmitted diseases (STD) & VD (venereal disease).  Some writers have speculated on what this revealed about Freud and his much discussed understanding of women.

Vulva (pronounced vuhl-vuh)

(1) The external female genitalia of female mammals (including the labia, mons veneris, clitoris and vaginal orifice.

(2) In helminthology, a protrusion on the side of a nematode (multivulva used to describe a phenotype of nematode characterized by multiple vulvas).

(3) In arachnology, the spermatheca and associated ducts of the female reproductive system (also known as internal epigyne or internal genitalia).

(4) An internal genital structure in female millipedes (known also as the cyphopod).

Late 1300s: A learned borrowing from the Latin vulva, from the earlier volva (womb, female sexual organ) (perhaps in the literal sense of a “wrapper”), from volvere (to turn, twist, roll, revolve (also “turn over in the mind”)), probably from volvō (to turn, to roll, to wrap around), from the primitive Indo-European root wel- (to turn, revolve), the derivatives referring to curved, enclosing objects.  In the 1970s, when Volvo automobiles weren’t noted for their precise handling, journalists enjoyed noted the translation of the Latin volvō as: “I roll”.   It was akin to the Sanskrit उल्ब (úlba) (womb).  The adjectives vulvalike (also vulva-like) & vulviform both describe objects or designs having the shape of a vulva.  Vulva is a noun, vulval, vulvaless, vulviform, vulvar, vulvate & vulvic are adjectives; the noun plural is vulvas, vulvae or vulvæ.

Ms Gillian Anderson’s “vagina dress”

Gillian Anderson, Golden Globes award ceremony 2024.

So much interest was generated by the dress (which the designer dubbed “vulvalicious”) that the handbag (there are those who would insist it’s a “purse”) escaped much attention which was a shame because it was a clever design.  Aquazzura’s Mini Purist Metallic Pouch blends the utilitarian function of the classic night-time mini bag with the swinging style of a shoulder bag, imagined as a semi-circle.  What the adjustable silver shoulder strap afforded was the choice of it being carried off the shoulder or, if removed, used as a conventional handbag, the hard golden top handle folding from the base.  The semi-circle is of course a less than efficient shape for a handbag (or purse) in the sense of a "storage device" but it gives the stylists a nice curve with which to work.  

There’s nothing novel in the critical deconstruction of what appears on red carpets but the dress worn by actor Gillian Anderson (b 1968) at the 2024 Golden Globe ceremony also attracted the attention of word nerds.  Designed by Gabriela Hearst (b 1976), the strapless, ivory corset gown was embroidered with individually stitched embellishments in the shape of vulvas, each of which absorbed some 3½ hours of the embroider’s time.  In an allusion to her sexual wellness brand (G spot), when interviewed, Ms Anderson said she wore the piece: “for so many reasons. It’s brand appropriate.  The response in the press and on-line appeared to be (mostly) positive but what did attract criticism was the widespread use of “vagina” to describe the designs, a descriptor used even by Ms Anderson herself.  The more strident of the critics seemed to detect sexual politics in what they claimed was anatomical imprecision, the implication being this lack of respect for gynaecological terminology was casual misogyny: Doubts were cast anyone would dare confuse a scrotum with the testicles.

Annotated anatomical sketch (left) Edsel Citation convertible (centre) and the detail on Gabriela Hearst's gown (right).  Although Ms Anderson probably didn't give the 1958 Edsel a thought, it does illustrate why her use of "vagina" to describe the embroidered motifs is defensible.

The pedants are correct in that technically the “vulva” describes on the external portion of the genitalia that leads to the vagina; the vulva including the labia majora, labia minora, and clitoris.  The labia is also a complex structure which includes the labia majora (the thick, outer folds of skin protecting the vulva’s internal structure) and the labia minora (the thin, inner folds of skin directly above the vagina).  However, for almost a hundred years, the term “vagina” has widely been used to refer to the vulva and has come to function as a synecdoche for the entire female genitalia and so prevalent has the use become that even medical professionals use “vagina” thus unless great precision is required.  Still, given Ms Anderson’s brand is concerned with such matters, perhaps the historically correct use might have been better but the actor herself noted “it has vaginas on it” so linguistically, her proprietorial rights should be acknowledged.

The Edsel, the grill and the myths

1958 Edsel Citation convertible.

Although it went down in industrial history as one of capitalism’s most expensive failures, objectively, Ford Motor Corporation’s Edsel really wasn’t a dramatically worse car than the company’s companion brands Ford & Mercury.  Indeed that was one of the reasons for the failure in the market; sharing platforms, engines, transmissions, suspension and some body parts with Fords & Mercurys, the thing simply lacked sufficient product differentiation.  That sharing of components (and assembly plants; Ford sending the Edsels down the existing production lines in the same factories) also makes it hard to believe the often quoted US$300 million (between US$2.5-3 billion expressed in 2025 values) Ford booked as a loss against the abortive venture as anything but an opportunity taken by the accountants to dump all the bad news in one go, certain taxation advantages also able to be gained with this approach. 

1959 Edsel Corsair two-door hardtop.

The very existence of Edsel was owed to a system devised by Alfred P Sloan (1875–1966) while president of General Motors (GM).  Sloan is now mostly forgotten by all but students of industrial & economic history but he was instrumental in the development some of the concepts which underpinned the modern economy including frequent product changes (for no functional purpose), planned obsolescence and consumer credit.  What the "Sloan ladder" did was provide GM’s customers with a structured incremental status indicator, defined by a range of products (with substantial cross-amortization) at price points which encouraged them to “step up” to the next level as disposable income increased.  At one point, GM’s brand-range had nine rungs but the Great Depression of the 1930s necessitated some pruning and, after a cull in 1931 cut the brands to six, what eventually emerged after 1940 was a five rung system which would be sustained until the twenty-first century: Chevrolet, Pontiac, Oldsmobile, Buick & Cadillac.  In the 1950s, when the US economy enjoyed the unusual conjunction of rising incomes, stable prices and a remarkably (by both historic and contemporary standards) small disparity between the wealth of rich and poor, this produced the swelling middle class which was the target market for most consumer products and certainly those on the Sloan ladder.  Ford had in 1938 added a rung when the Mercury brand was spliced between Ford and Lincoln but in the mid 1950s, the MBAs convinced the company the Sloan system was the key to GM’s lead in the market and they too re-structured the company’s products into five rungs: Ford, Mercury, Edsel, Lincoln & Continental.  Actually, in a harbinger, the loss-making Continental Division lasted barely two seasons, folded into Lincoln before the Edsel debuted for the 1958 model year but the MBAs kept the faith.

1958 Edsel (left) and 1958 Oldsmobile (right).  One can see why someone at Time magazine thought of "an Oldsmobile sucking a lemon".

That faith turned out to be misplaced although in fairness to them, the circumstances in 1958 were unfortunate, a short but sharp recession shocking consumers who had become accustomed to growth and stability, believing that such unpleasantness belonged to the pre-war past.  The Edsel never recovered.  Although sales in 1958 were disappointing, given the state of the economy, it could have been worse but Ford’s market research (focus groups a thing even then) had identified problems and in response toned down the styling and moved the brand down-market, notionally to sit between Ford & Mercury, a gap which in retrospect didn’t exist.  Sales dropped that year by about a third and the writing was on the wall although, surprising many, a pared-down Edsel range was released for 1960 using Ford’s re-styled bodies but not many were fooled and fewer than 3000 left the factory before late in 1959 the end of the brand quietly was announced.

1938 Frazer-Nash BMW 328 Roadster with the grill's centre bars in non-standard red (top left), 1959 BMW 507 (top right), 1971 BMW 3.0 CSL (E9), one of the 169 first series leichtbau (light construction) CSLs with twin downdraft Zenith carburetors) (bottom left) and 2022 BMW M4-Competition-xDrive Convertible (G82, bottom right).

Ford might have felt the Edsel was criticized unfairly (at least on a anatomical basis) because, since the 303 in 1933, BMW had been fitting grills which blatantly were “cameltoesque” in appearance although perhaps they escaped opprobrium because it wasn’t until 1962 with the release of 1500 (the so-called Neue Klasse (New Class, 1962-1972)) the design assumed aspect ratios close to that of the typical human female, exemplified by the elegant E9 coupés (1968-1975).  BMW also came to use physiology as a descriptor for the style but delved deeper, preferring the gender-neutral “twin kidney”.  Interestingly, for the lovely 507 roadsters (1956-1959) the twin apertures were stretched wide and the look was greeted with acclaim (Pontiac, with aplomb, taking up the “twin-grill” concept) and it wasn’t until BMW's huge, gaping apparatuses appeared in the twenty-first century that the style Nazis condemned the look as “absurd”.  The deep and wide-set grills of the BMWs of the 2020s are the cameltoe at scale and for those who question the anatomical reference because they doubt “wide set vaginas” are a thing, their existence was confirmed in Mean Girls (2004).

1969 BMW 2000 C (left) as the factory did it and as re-imagined with the "twin kidney" grill in the twenty-first century style (right).

Architecturally, a half-century before the G82, BMW had the space to anticipate the M4’s “wide-set” look.  The E9’s predecessor was a coupé based on the Neue Klasse platform with the four-cylinder engine enlarged to 2.0 litres (121 cubic inch) and offered as the 2000 C (single carburetor) and 2000 CS (twin carburetor) between 1965-1969.  The new coupé replaced the low-volume and expensive 3200 CS (1962-1965) which had been powered by a 3.2 litre (193 cubic inch) V8 and the most commented upon aspect of the design was the frontal styling, the word upon which most critics settled being “polarizing”.  It was the then unusual headlight treatment which induced the “love it or hate it” feelings, the chrome-framed asymmetric glass fairings something which later would become familiar but in 1965 it was “the shock of the new”.  Between the fairings there was a lot of space but BMW didn’t then take the opportunity to tempt buyers with the “wide-set vagina” look which would have to wait for the next century, instead maintaining a familial link with the grill on the Neue Klasse sedans.  The styling of the 2000 C/CS is regarded now as an interesting period piece and an example of something which might have been a trend-setter but the industry went in other directions, one of which was the E9 which remains BMW’s finest achievement.

The wide-set and the Brazilian.

Recently, it emerged there can be financial implications for the wide-set (ie those who anatomically identify more with the BMW G82 than the E9).  The details were revealed in a text message between a beauty salon operative (the waxer) and her client (the waxee) who had just enjoyed (the verb used in the sense of "to have had the use or benefit of something") the application of a Brazilian (an ellipsis of “Brazilian wax”, a specific style of pubic hair removal in which only a narrow strip or triangle of growth is retained on the mons pubis).  What the waxer advised was: “Just in future I’ll have to charge you a little more for the size of the area.  I hope that makes sense, nothing crazy, like $5 or $10 extra.  The waxer’s rationale for that was based on the waxee having a FUPA (fatty upper pubic area, a normal variation in human anatomy rather than a condition) which means a greater surface area.  That, in the context of performing a Brazilian, demands (1) a higher consumption of consumable product (wax), (2) more time required to apply wax and (3) more time required to remove wax.  Reaction on social media was mixed, a few arguing the economics justified the surcharge although most condemned the waxer and though the pricing should be universal with, over time, the relative few needing more wax being balanced out by the relative few needing less.

1960 Edsel Ranger Sedan.  By 1960, the Edsel really was a "blinged-up" Ford and the 34 days it was in production happened only to fulfil contractual obligations and avoid tiresome legal proceedings.

Although it began as something more than a "blinged-up" Ford, the Edsel wasn't that much more and it failed because for such a hyped product it was a disappointment and in that it can be compared to something like the administration of Barack Obama (b 1961; POTUS (US president) 2009-2017).  Barack Obama was not a bad president and he didn’t lead a bad government, indeed most objective analysts rate his term as “above average (the perhaps biased Donald Trump (b 1946; POTUS 2017-2021 and since 2025) dissenting from this view) but he disappointed because he promised so much, the soaring rhetoric (“highfalutin nonsense” as the press baron Lord Beaverbrook (1879-1964) would have put it) offering hope and change never realized.  There was also the Edsel’s styling.  There was much clumsiness in the detailing (although almost the whole US industry was similarly afflicted in 1958) but the single most polarizing aspect was the vertical grill assembly, controversial not because it was a regression to something which had become unfashionable in the “longer, lower, wider” era but because of the shape which to some suggested a woman’s vulva.  Some used the words “vagina” or “genitalia” but in those more polite times some publications were reluctant to use such words in print and preferred to suggest the grill resembled a “horse collar” or “toilet seat” although the latter was (literally) a bit of a stretch and anyway already used of some of the trunk (boot) lids on Chryslers styled to excess by Virgil Exner (1909–1973); more memorable was Time magazine’s “an Oldsmobile sucking a lemon”.

Quirkiness coming & going: 1958 Edsel Bermuda “Woody” station wagon.

The “woody” nickname was applied to the station wagons from all manufacturers although after the early 1950s the “wood” was a combination of fibreglass and the DI-NOC plastic appliqué, the look intended to evoke that of the partially timbered-bodied station wagons in production until the early 1950s.  Strangely, Chrysler and Mercury in the 1960s even did a few convertibles with the stuff glued on (recalling some earlier such things from the 1940s which used real wood), the former later unable to resist the temptation for the vaguely cartoonesque LeBaron Town & Country convertible (1983-1984).  Ford’s attempt in the 1960s to persuade British & Australian buyers of station wagons DI-NOC was charming proved brief and unsuccessful but in the domestic market the popularity lasted until 1990s.  As much as the sedans and convertibles, Edsel station wagons were just as unwanted.  The Bermuda was offered only for the 1958 model year and it sold a dismal 2,235, with 779 of the nine-seater version with an additional row of seating in the rear section, a configuration always popular with US buyers in the era of larger families and before the age of mini-vans and SUVs (sports utility vehicles).  The three-row Bermuda was the rarest of the 1958 Edsels but collectors still price them below the convertibles, reflecting the usual practice in which (with the odd exception), convertible coach-work trumps all other styles.  If the vulva-themed front end was confronting, there was a strangeness too at the rear, the turn-indicator lights in the shape of an arrow, a traditional symbol to indicate one's intended direction of travel but bizarrely, the Edsel’s arrows pointed the opposite way, something necessitated by the need to blend the shape with that of the body’s side moldings.  In little more than two years, Edsel went from "too much, too soon", to "too little, too late".

1959 Edsel Villager 6 passenger Station Wagon.

Like the grill, for 1959 the tail of the station wagon was toned-down from bizarre to baroque.  It didn’t much stimulate demand and only 5,687 were sold while in the same season, Ford shifted 147,748 station wagons (123,412 Country Sedans & 24,336 Country Squires).  In 1958 the relationship between the Villager & Bermuda had reflected that of Ford’s Country Sedan to the more expensive (and DI-NOCed) Country Squire and while Ford would for decades top the station wagon sales charts, after 1960 the only more expensive versions offered by the corporation would be Mercurys.  As a footnote, along with the Ranger, the Villager did survive as part of the quixotic 1960 range when a mere 275 left the line, lending it the dubious distinction of being the rarest Edsel station wagon.  Despite that usually compelling statistic, collectors still prefer the 1958 & 1959 wagons, probably because the 1960 models lack the distinctive grill which is the most identifiable part of an Edsel's once dubious "brand identity".

A J.D. Vance meme with sofa (in US memes referred to usually as a "couch").

The Edsel ran its historic race more than a decade before the Watergate scandal so there was never a "grillgate" or "Edselgate" but the vulva did in 2024 return to the news with couchgate-themed memes.  In July that year, a post appeared on X (formerly known as Twitter) claiming there was a passage in J.D. Vance’s (b 1984; VPOTUS since 2025) book Hillbilly Elegy: A Memoir of a Family and Culture in Crisis (2016) in which the then US senator (Republican-Ohio) boasted of having enjoyed a sexual act with a latex glove, strategically placed between a sofa’s cushions.

It was fake news and nothing in the book even hinted at such an experience but quickly the post went viral; it once could take years for urban myths to spread around a few counties but in the social media age such things wiz around the planet in minutes.  Quickly the tale was debunked but couchgate was a popular choice among the meme-makers and it says something about US politics that so many really wanted to believe "couchgate" was true.  Whether latex glove sales spiked because suddenly there were those wishing to experience the hopefully novel technique, isn't known.

Heavy duty (HD), neoprene-coated latex gloves (medium/large) from Walmart.

After Pope Francis (1936-2025; pope 2013-2025) died, posts began to circulate noting that hours before he dropped dead he'd had an audience with recent Catholic-convert J.D. Vance and comparisons were made with the death of Elizabeth II (1926-2022; Queen of the UK 1952-2022) coming barely two days after meeting Liz Truss (b 1975; UK prime-minister Sep-Oct 2022).  The pope of course was head of the Roman Catholic Church and the queen was Supreme Governor of the Church of England and it seemed striking both should succumb so soon after the pleasure of their conversation with a right-wing fanatic.  It must be assumed both events were just bad luck but Mr Vance is a serious convert to the faith and better-acquainted than most with Roman Catholic theology and he'll be familiar with the "visitation of the angel of death", a figure sent by God to tap on the shoulder one for whom the time has come to quit the world.

For most of the republic's existence, holders of the office of vice-president tended to be obscure figures noted only if they turned out to be crooks like Spiro Agnew (1918–1996; VPOTUS 1969-1973) or assumed the presidency in one circumstance or another and during the nineteenth century there was a joke about two brothers: “One ran off to sea and the other became vice-president; neither were ever heard from again.  That was an exaggeration but it reflected the general view of the office which has few formal duties and can only ever be as powerful or influential as a president allows although the incumbent is “a heartbeat from the presidency”.  John Nance Garner III (1868–1967, VPOTUS 1933-1941), a reasonable judge of these things, once told Lyndon Johnson (LBJ, 1908–1973; VPOTUS 1961-1963 & POTUS 1963-1969) being VPOTUS was “not worth a bucket of warm piss” (which in polite company usually is sanitized as “...bucket of warm spit”).  In the US, a number of VPOTUSs have become POTUS  and some have worked out well although of late the record has not been encouraging, the presidencies of Lyndon Johnson, Richard Nixon (1913-1994; VPOTUS 1953-1961, POTUS 1969-1974) and Joe Biden (b 1942; VPOTUS 2008-2017, POTUS 2021-2025) all ending badly, in despair, disgrace and decrepitude respectively.

Still, in the post-war years, the VPOTUS has often assumed a higher profile or been judged to be more influential, the latter certainly true of Dick Cheney (b 1941; VPOTUS 2001-2009) and some have even been given specific responsibilities such as LBJ’s role as titular head of the space program (which worked out well) or Kamala Harris co-ordinating the response to difficulties on the southern border (a role in which either she failed or never attempted depending on the source).  So wonderfully unpredictable is Donald Trump that quite what form the Vance VPOTUSship will assume is guesswork but conspiracy theorists already are speculating part of MAGA forward-planning is to have Mr Vance elected POTUS in 2028, simply as part of a work-around in a constitutional jigsaw puzzle.

The conspiracy revolves around the words in Section 1 of the Twenty-second Amendment: “No person shall be elected to the office of the President more than twice” and even the most optimistic MAGA lawyers concede not even Brett Kavanaugh (b 1965; SCOTUS associate justice since 2018) or Clarence Thomas (b 1948; SCOTUS associate justice since 1991) could construct an interpretation which would allow Mr Trump to be elected for a third term (although Justice Thomas might make a heroic attempt).  The constitution is however silent on whether any person may serve a third (or fourth, or fifth!) term so that makes possible the following sequence:

(1) In the 2028 election J.D.Vance is elected POTUS and somebody else (matters not who) is elected VPOTUS.

(2) In 2029, J.D. Vance and somebody else (matters not who) are sworn into office as POTUS & VPOTUS respectively.

(3) Somebody else (matters not who) resigns as VPOTUS.

(4) J.D. Vance appoints Donald Trump as VPOTUS who is duly sworn-in.

(5) J.D. Vance resigns as POTUS and, as the constitution dictates, Donald Trump becomes POTUS and is duly sworn-in.

(6) Donald Trump appoints J.D.Vance as VPOTUS.

Whatever the politics, constitutionally, there is nothing controversial about those six steps because there’s a precedent, the sequence following what happened between 1968 when Nixon & Agnew were elected POTUS and VPOTUS and 1974 when the offices were held respectively by Gerald Ford (1913–2006; VPOTUS 1973-1974 & POTUS 1974-1977) and Nelson Rockefeller (1908–1979; VPOTUS 1974-1977), neither of the latter pair having been elected.  Of course, in January 2029 somebody else (matters not who) would be a “left-over” but he (it seems a reasonable assumption somebody else (matters not who) will be male) can, depending on this and that, be appointed something like secretary of agriculture or to a sinecure such as an ambassadorship in a nice (non-shithole) country with a pleasant climate and a majority white population.