Fluff

Fluff (pronounced fluhf)

(1) Light, downy particles, as of cotton.

(2) A soft, light, downy mass.

(3) In slang, a cloth diaper (nappy).

(4) In slang (New England region in the US), marshmallow crème, thus the local delicacy the “fluffernutter” (a sandwich made with peanut butter and marshmallow fluff), once a favorite of children’s school lunches but now likely to attract “mother shaming” on Instagram.

(5) In LGBTQQIAAOP slang, the passive partner in a lesbian relationship, known also as a “ruffle”.

(6) In slang, (Australia, New Zealand, Canada), a fart.

(7) In the slang of pop-culture fandom, fan fiction which (in whole or in part) is “sweet and feel-good” in tone, usually involving romance.

(8) In the slang (UK) of the role-playing game community, a form of role-playing which is inconsequential and not related to the plot and used sometimes in the context of (but not limited to) filling time.

(9) In UK slang short change deliberately given by a railway clerk (keeping the money for themselves), an example of a “deliberate fluff” (obsolete).

(10) Figuratively, something of no consequence; insubstantial.

(11) Figuratively (of literature, political argument, philosophy etc), a slight work or one of dubious artistic or intellectual value; unscholarly (used also as a polite euphemism for “bullshit (BS)” which is less explicit than “cattle feces” (“cattle faeces in non-US English).

(12) An error (flub, lapse, blooper, blunder, boo-boo, defect, error, fault, faux pas, gaffe, lapse, mistake, slip, stumble, brain-fart, brain-explosion), especially an actor's memory lapse in the delivery of lines (often in the form “fluffed their lines”.

(13) A young woman (often as “a bit of fluff”), the implication being of her providing a brief, amusing diversion rather than one sought for a permanent relationship)

(14) To make into fluff; shake or puff out (feathers, hair etc) into a fluffy mass (often followed by up).

(15) To make a mistake.

(16) To become fluffy; move, float, or settle down like fluff.

1780s: From the earlier (or perhaps contemporary) floow (woolly substance, down, nap, lint (which appeared also as flough, flue & flew)), possibly from the West Flemish vluwe (an imitative modification of floow), of uncertain origin but which may be from the French velu (hairy, furry), from the Latin villūtus (having shaggy hair), from villus (shaggy hair, tuft of hair) and may be compared with the Old English flōh (that which is flown off, fragment, piece), linked to the later “flaw”.  Although undocumented, etymologists generally conclude the word may have been a blend of flue +‎ puff.  “Fluffy stuff” is a common phenomenon in the natural world and descriptors existed in many European languages including the possibly onomatopoeic Middle Dutch vloe, the dialectal English floose, flooze & fleeze (particles of wool or cotton; fluff; loose threads or fibres), the Danish fnug (down, fluff) and the Swedish fnugg (speck, flake).  Traces of the sound of the word “fluff” are found in other languages including the Japanese フワフワ (fuwafuwa) (lightly, softly), the Hungarian puha (soft, fluffy), the Polish puchaty (soft, fluffy) and the Romanian puf (down; peachfuzz; soft hair of some animals; powderpuff).  Fluff & fluffing are nouns & verbs, fluffed is a verb, fluffiness & fluffer are nouns, fluffless & flufflike are adjectives, fluffy is an adjective (and non-standard) noun and fluffily is an adverb; the noun plural is fluffs.

Fluffied: Lindsay Lohan in bikini embellished with faux fur, photo-shoot for the fifth anniversary of ODDA magazine, April 2017.

In idiomatic use there’s “fluff around” of “fluff about” (ineffectually to act or waste time”, “fluff off” (an affectionate form of “fuck off”), “fluff-ball” or “ball of fluff” (a fluffy kitten or puppy with the quality of “cuteness”), “bum fluff” or “belly-button fluff” (small particles the fabric of clothing which accumulates in body crevices), “fluffhead” (someone vague or confused (synonymous with “airhead”), “fluff up” (a polite version of “fuck up”).  The term “fluffy bunny” isn’t from lagomorphology (the scientific study of rabbits (small mammals in the family Leporidae)) although it may be assumed it’s often heard in pet shops.  Fluffy bunny (also as “fluff bunny” & “fluffbunny”) was an adaptable noun used to mean: (1) a synonym of chubby bunny (a competitive eating game in which contestants had to pronounce words or phrases (such as “Irish wristwatch”) while holding increasing numbers of marshmallows is their mouth), (2) in the strange world of quantum mechanics, quantum entanglement which in theory can occur in theory never arises because of other physics and (3) a derogatory descriptor of a casual, naive practitioner of Wicca (or other neo-pagan religion), especially one deemed to have only a superficial understanding.  The slang “bit of fluff” (young woman with who one is enjoying or planning a brief affair) was first recorded in 1903 while the use to describe marshmallow confection seems to date from at least 1920, noted in Massachusetts.  The verb in the sense of “to shake into a soft mass” was in use by 1875 (directly from the noun) while the meaning “make a mistake” dates from 1884 as theater slang to refer to acts who had forgotten their lines.  The adjective fluffy (containing or resembling fluff) came into use in the 1820s.

Watergate Fluff

Watergate fluff is one of the alternative terms for the dish “Watergate Salad”, the others including Green Fluff, Green Goddess, Fluff Salad and Funeral Salad, the last picked up reputedly because it was so often served at wakes.  It’s not clear how the culinary delight came to be called “Watergate Salad” although there’s no doubt the use was triggered by some association the Watergate scandal of the early 1970s which revolved around attempts by the administration of Richard Nixon (1913-1994; US president 1969-1974) to “cover up” the involvement of operatives connected to the White House with the break-in in June 1972 of the Democratic National Committee (DNC) headquarters in Washington DC’s Watergate Building.  Interestingly, although the scandal (in the public perception although the legal proceedings would last longer) ended in August 1974 when Nixon resigned, the first known use of the term “Watergate Salad” dates from 1975 although in September 1974, Maryland's Hagerstown Daily Mail had published the recipe for “Watergate Cake”, also a similarly green-tinted dessert made with pistachio pudding in the mix and sometimes the icing.

The dish however predates the term.  Some claim the Kraft Foods Corporation deserves credit (apparently as a proud boast rather than an admission of guilt) as the creator because in 1975 they published a recipe called “Pistachio Pineapple Delight” as part of a promotional campaign to support the release that year of their “Pistachio Pudding Mix” (something with a long tradition, a whipped cream and pineapple concoction detailed in a Kansas newspaper in 1913, the year Richard Nixon was born).  At that point, history and myth become hard to separate, one story saying the food editor of the Chicago Tribune named it to stimulate interest, suggesting it was the ideal snack to enjoy while watching the televised hearings of proceedings pursuant to the scandal while another claimed it was associative because the Watergate Hotel (in the infamous building) served the salad on their popular weekend buffets; no menus appear to have survived to prove or disprove that one.  Best of was the link was because the salad was “full of nuts” (like the crew involved in the scandal, including the memorable lawyer and Watergate conspirator & burglary coordinator G Gordon Liddy (1930–2021) who wasn’t really “a nut” but is often portrayed as one).  True or not, that’s the one which deserves to be accepted.

Aleita Dupree's Watergate Salad recipe

Ingredients

1 (3 ½ oz) box of instant pistachio pudding mix.
1 (20 oz) can of crushed pineapple with juice (most use sweetened).
1 (8 oz) container of cool whip, thawed.
1 heaped cup of miniature marshmallows.
½ cup of chopped pecan nuts.
Stemmed maraschino cherries for garnish (optional).

Instructions

(1) In glass serving bowl, mix crushed pineapple and juice with pistachio pudding mix.  Stir pudding until mix completely is dissolved and mixture is smooth.

(2) Fold in the thawed cool whip.  Gently fold until pudding and cool whip is completely blended.

(3) Add miniature marshmallows and pecans.  Cover and chill until salad is set (should take up to 30 minutes).

(4) To serve, garnish with stemmed cherries and extra chopped pecans (if desired).

Fluff in fashion

Fluffiness in fashion: Lindsay Lohan in Falling for Christmas (Netflix, 2022, left) and in New York to promote Irish Wish (Netflix, 2024, right).  The fluffy cream coat is by David Koma (Davit Komakhidze (Georgian: დავით კომახიძე); b 1985)) a London-based, Georgian-born fashion designer (the label of his fashion house is stylized as DΛVID KOMΛ).  The crystal payette-embroidered layered cup bra hints at the profile of the customer base; it’s on sale at US$1250 (down from US$1750).  The fashion business is regarded by some as a bit “fluffy” (frocks and such) compared with “hard” industries such as heavy engineering or nuclear weapons construction but the annual turnover of the global fashion industry is substantial.  The numbers bounce around a bit because it difficult to determine where “fashion” ends and “commodities” begin but estimates between US$1.5-2.5 trillion are widely quoted (In financial use, one trillion = 1,000,000,000,000 (one million million or 1,000 billion)).

Bureau

Bureau (pronounced byoor-oh)

(1) A chest of drawers, sometime with a mirror atop.

(2) A division of a government department or an independent administrative unit.

(3) An office for collecting or distributing news or information, coordinating work, or performing specified services; agency; typically a travel or news bureau.

(4) A desk or writing desk with pigeonholes, drawers etc, against which the writing surface can be closed when not in use, the best known form of which is the roll-top (historically chiefly British but now widely used in the international antiques trade).

1710-1720 (some sources claim instances from the 1690s): A borrowing from the French bureau, the earlier meaning of which was "coarse cloth (as desk cover), baize", from the Old French burel (woolen cloth), and a diminutive of bure (related were the Middle French bure (coarse woolen cloth) and the French bourre (hair, fluff)) from the Late Latin burra (wool, fluff, shaggy cloth, coarse fabric).  It was akin to the Ancient Greek βερβέριον (berbérion) (shabby garment) and a doublet of burel and borrel, taken from the Old French.  The Latin burra remains of unknown origin.  Bureau desks were once common office furniture of offices, rather the cubicles of their day and the meaning expanded by 1720 to "office or place where business is transacted" and by 1796 to "division of a government."  The meaning "chest of drawers for clothes etc" dates from 1770, said to be American English but was most associated with British use.  Bureau is a noun and the modern view is bureaus & bureaux (both pronounced byoor-ohz) are both accepted noun plural forms but the former seems preferred by most.

Lindsay Lohan's page at the All American Speaker's Bureau.

Squabbles on the Wilhelmstrasse; the German Foreign Ministry and the Ribbentrop Bureau

Most historical analysis of the Third Reich has understandably focused on the evil and the damage done but for structuralists, the nature of the bureaucratic state and those with is an interesting study.  Although assuming office in 1933, the Nazis didn’t immediately become the totalitarian regime familiar in later years because there were too many other power centres over which their control was either incomplete or non-existent.  For that reason, the party, while attempting to take control of the machinery of the state, within a numbers of sphere of activity, also sometimes maintained one or more party institutions in a competition for influence, something which reflected the Hitlerian world-view.  Sometimes these organizations would run in parallel, sometime in opposition.

Although the Nazi hierarchy was beset by internecine hatreds and jealousies, one of the few things on which most agreed was the stupidity, incompetence and unsuitability for his role of Joachim von Ribbentrop (1893–1946), foreign minister between 1938 and the end of the war.  Dr Joseph Goebbels (1897-1945; Nazi propaganda minister 1933-1945), ever ready with a memorable phrase, noted in his diary that Ribbentrop “...bought his name, married his money and swindled his way into office.”  Historians don't dispute Ribbentrop's ineptitude but some are prepared to concede the blame should be shared and he should be thought "not competent" rather than "incompetent", a distinction which the more generous might be prepared to make of plenty of failed politicians.  In other words, a champagne salesman should no more have been appointed foreign minister that a sybaritic, bemedaled fighter ace should have been put in charge of the "four-year plan" (a sprawling apparatus which aimed to make Germany self-sufficient in essential raw materials (autarky), reduce unemployment through a public works programme, increase military production and reform the agricultural sector).  Hitler however, was an admirer (Ribbentrop's sycophancy a particular attraction) and in 1934 permitted him to create a party organization called the Büro Ribbentrop (later the Dienststelle Ribbentrop (Dienststelle best translated as office or department)) which, bizarrely, operated as a kind of alternative foreign ministry.

Illustration by Noel Sickles (1910–1982) in Life magazine, 28 October 1946, depicting the moments before von Ribbentrop was hanged, Palace of Justice, 16 October 1946.  The temporary gallows was erected in the prison gymnasium.

The Büro Ribbentrop also operated as a dirty-tricks outfit with some effort devoted to undermining the authority of the Foreign Ministry which, in a nice touch, operated from offices on Berlin’s Wilhelmstrasse, just over the road from the Buro.  The Buro and its back-channel communications served as Hitler’s personal tool for the implementation of his foreign policy (which can be summed up as "lies, lies and damned lies"), the traditional institutions and diplomatic protocols often side-lined although, Ribbentrop himself had to fend of intrusions from yet more party units with interests in international affairs.  Ribbentrop however prevailed and was appointed foreign minister in 1938, serving in the position until the end of hostilities; convicted of planning & waging aggressive war, war crimes and crimes against humanity, he was hanged in 1946.

Victorian (circa 1870) English cylinder roll-top writing bureau: mahogany with burr walnut fitted interior and a trio of leather skivers.

Burl & Burr

Burl (pronounced burl)

(1) A small knot or lump in wool, thread, or cloth.

(2) A dome-shaped growth on the trunk of a tree; a wart-like structure which can be 1 m (39 inches) or more across and .5 m (19 inches) or more in height; typically harvested and sliced to make the intricately patterned veneers used in furniture or car interiors.

(3) To remove burls from (cloth) in finishing (which technically means the same as to de-burl).

(4) In Scottish, Australian and NZ slang (1) an attempt; to try (especially in the phrases “give it a burl” & (2) “going for a burl” (going for a drive in a car) (both largely archaic and the latter restricted to the antipodes).

1400–1450: From the late Middle English burle (a small knot or flaw in cloth), from the Old French bouril & bourril (flocks or ends of threads which disfigure cloth), from the Old French bourre & burle (tuft of wool) and akin to the Medieval Latin burla (bunch, sheaf), from the Vulgar Latin burrula (small flock of wool), from the Medieval Latin burra (flock of wool, fluff, coarse hair; shaggy cloth).  The source of the Latin forms is unknown.  The slang forms are probably from the Scottish birl (a twist or turn) but use in this sense seems now to be restricted to Scotland and the South Island of New Zealand.  The large, rounded outgrowth on the trunk or branch of a tree can be highly prized if on a species (most famously walnut) where the timber of a burl develops the swirling, intricate patterns which are used as thinly sliced veneers in the production of furniture and other fine products, notably in car interiors.  Burls develop from one or more twig buds, the cells of which continue to multiply but never differentiate so the twig can elongate into a limb.  In American English, burl has been used to describe "a knot or excrescence on a walnut or other tree" since 1868 but burr is now often used interchangeably.  Burls rarely cause harm to trees but careless (often unlawful) harvesting can cause damage.  The related noun is burler; the noun plural is burls.  The present participle is burling, the simple past and past participle burled.

Burl was productive in English although some forms have a tangled history.  The adjective burly is derived from the circa 1300 borlich (excellent, noble; handsome, beautiful), probably from the Old English borlice (noble, stately (literally "bowerly", ie fit to frequent a lady's apartment)).  The sense evolved by circa 1400 to mean "stout, sturdy" and later "heavily built".  Some etymologists also suggest a connection between the Old English and the Old High German burlih (lofty, exalted) which was related to burjan (to raise, lift).  In Middle English, it was applied also to objects (even transitory things like cloud formations) but has long been restricted to people. 

The noun burlesque (piece composed in burlesque style, derisive imitation, grotesque parody) had been in use since the 1660s, the earlier adjective (odd, grotesque), from the 1650s, from the sixteenth century French burlesque, from the Italian burlesco (ludicrous), from burla (joke, fun, mockery), presumably from the Medieval Latin burra (trifle, nonsense (literally "flock of wool" and thing something light and trivial)).  The more precise adjectival meaning "tending to excite laughter by ludicrous contrast between the subject and the manner of treating it" is attested in English by 1700.  Comedy and burlesque represent the two great traditions of representational ridicule, the former draws characters in conventional form, the latter by using a construct quite unlike themselves.  As long ago a 1711, one critic described burlesque as existing in two forms, the first represents mean persons in accoutrements of heroes, the other describes great persons acting and speaking like the basest among the people.  By the late nineteenth century, it typically meant "travesties on the classics and satires on accepted ideas" and vulgar comic opera while the modern sense of something risqué ("a variety show featuring striptease) is an invention of American English which co-evolved during the same era and became predominant by the 1920s..

The noun burlap (coarse, heavy material made of hemp, jute, etc., used for bagging) dates from the 1690s, the first element probably from the Middle English borel (coarse cloth), from the burel or the Dutch boeren (coarse), although there may have been some confusion with boer (peasant).  The second element, -lap, meant "piece of cloth".  There has been debate about the noun hurly-burly (originally hurlyburly) (commotion, tumult) which in the 1530s was apparently an alteration of the phrase hurling and burling, a reduplication of the fourteenth century hurling (commotion, tumult), from the verbal noun of hurl.  Shakespeare had hurly (tumult, uproar) and the early fifteenth century hurling time was the name applied by chroniclers to the period of tumult and commotion around Wat Tyler's (circa 1341–1381; a leader of the 1381 Peasants' Revolt in England) rebellion.   In the early nineteenth century a hurly-house was said to be a "large house in a state of advanced disrepair" and there is presumably some connection with the dialectal Swedish hurra (whirl round) but it’s all quite murky and whether burly in this context is related to burl in the sense of something rough or merely coincidental a rhyme is uncertain.

Burr (pronounced bur)

(1) A rough or irregular protuberance on any object, as on a tree (spelled also as burl).

(2) A small, handheld, power-driven milling cutter, used by machinists and die makers for deepening, widening, or undercutting small recesses (technically called burr grinders which, with a revolving disk or cone with abrasive surfaces are used to smooth burr holes).

(3) In metal fabrication, a protruding, ragged edge raised on the surface of metal during drilling, shearing, punching, or engraving (spelled also as buhr); a blank punched out of a piece of sheet metal.

(4) A washer placed at the head of a rivet.

(5) In ceramics, a fragment of brick fused or warped in firing.

(6) In any form of engineering, to form a rough point or edge on.

(7) In structural phonetics, (1) a pronunciation of the r-sound as a uvular fricative trill, as in certain Northern English dialects (of which the Northumberland is an exemplar) or the retroflex r of the West of England, (2) a pronunciation of the r-sound as an alveolar flap or trill, as in Scottish English or (3) any pronunciation popularly considered rough or nonurban.

(8) To speak with a burr (to speak roughly, indistinctly, or inarticulately) (can be applied neutrally or as a (usually class-loaded disparagement).

(9) A whirring sound or rough, humming sound.

(10) In the sense of a broad ring on a spear or tilting lance (placed below the grip to prevent the hand from slipping), a variant of burrow (in obsolete sense: borough) (dating from the sixteenth century and now rare except in historic reference).

(11) In geology, a mass of hard siliceous rock surrounded by softer rock.

(12) A sharp, pointy object, such as a sliver or splinter (regionally specific).

(13) As bur; a seed pod with sharp features that stick in fur or clothing.

(13) In anatomy, the ear lobe (archaic).

(14) In zoology, the knot at the bottom of an antler (analogous with the burrs (or burls) on trees.

1375–1425: From the late Middle English burre (possibly related to the Old English byrst (bristle)), burrewez (plural) & buruhe (circle), a variant of brough (round tower), an evolutionary fork of which became the Modern English broch.  It was cognate with the Danish burre & borre (burdock, burr) and the Swedish borre (sea-urchin).

The spelling burr was a variant of the original bur, the addition probably a tribute by the written to the spoken long R sound, the use in phonetics noted from the 1750s, presumably both imitative and associative, the sound being thought of as rough like a bur; the onomatopoeic form may be compared with the French bruire.  The original idea of "rough sound of the letter -R" (especially that common in Northumberland) was later extended to "northern accented speech" in general and was soon integrated into the English class system as one of many class identifiers.  It may be the sound of the word is imitative of the speech peculiarity itself, or it was adapted from one of the senses of bur (the late fourteenth century phrase “to have a bur in (one's) throat” was a figure of speech suggesting the choking sensation or huskiness associated with having something rough caught in the windpipe) but the authoritative Oxford English Dictionary (OED) notes that despite the similarity, the Scottish -r- is a lingual trill, not a true burr.

The circa 1300 bur (prickly seed vessel of some plants) from the Middle English burre was from a Scandinavian source, either the Danish borre, the Swedish hard-borre or the Old Norse burst (bristle), from the primitive Indo-European bhars.  In the 1610s, it was transferred to refer to a "rough edge on metal" which led ultimately to the use in phonetics and the name give to various tools and appliances.  The noun burstone dates from the late thirteenth century and was an adaptation from the Middle English burre, the stone so-named presumably because of its roughness.  Aaron Burr (1756–1836, US vice-president (1800–1804)) fled after killing a political rival in a duel and plotted to create an independent empire in the western US.  In 1807 he was acquitted on a charge of treason.  To remove a burr (typically in engineering or carpentry) is to deburr (or debur).  The noun plural is burrs, the present participle burring and the simple past & past participle burred.  The homophones are Bur & brr.

The noun rhotacism dates from 1830 in the sense of “an extensive or particular use of 'r'”, from the Modern Latin rhotacismus, from the Ancient Greek rhotakizein, from rho (the letter -r-), from the Hebrew or Phoenician roth.  A technical adaptation from 1844 was the use to describe the conversion of another sound, usually "s" to "r" (as in Aeolian Greek, which at the end of words changed -s to –r, the related forms being rhotacize & rhotacization.

European burr (or burl) walnut with extensive “bud eyes”.

Regarding timber veneers, the conventional wisdom is that burl is American English while burr is used in the rest of the English-speaking world.  That’s not accurate although burl in this sense is an American innovation from 1868 and probably a useful one.  In the specialized arboreal branch of botany, the words cancer and canker were also once used to describe the growths on trees but these uses seem never to have extended beyond the profession.

Burr (or burl) walnut interior detailing on 1967 Mercedes-Benz 600 (W100) Landaulet (top) and 1963 & 1965 Jaguar Mark Xs (bottom).

In another specialized field, those in carpentry concerned with fine veneers, there are further distinctions, some defining a burr as an English word meaning a type of growth on a side of a tree which is full of “bud eyes” (the most distinctive pattern associated with expensive veneers) while burl is of US origin and refers to any type of growth on the side of a tree, including burrs.   That would seem to suggest burl would thus include the healing growth over surface damage or broken branches.  Others, notably timber merchants seem most often to regard burls as any highly figured wood with twisted and contorted grain regardless of whether it comes from a growth on the side of a tree, root, stump, or has grown all the way up the trunk, and whether it contains bud eyes or not.  In commerce, this is doubtlessly useful because people buy timber for veneering on the basis of appearance rather than where it happened to grow.  It would of course be useful if one word could be accepted to mean the growth on a tree and the other the harvested timbers from these growths but, being English, such things never happen.

Burrs (or burls) on a tree.  Burls should not be confused with galls which are small and form along twigs and leaves.  Burls are much larger and form on trunks and branches as an integral part of the tree.  Galls grow outside and are independent of the tree.

Freemason

Freemason (pronounced free-mey-suh n)

(1) A member of a secret society (Free and Accepted Masons, constituted in London in 1717), present in many countries which operates in a cult-like manner (initial upper case and often used in the clipped form “Mason”).

(2) Historically, one of a class of skilled stoneworkers of the medieval period (lasting into the early modern era), possessing passwords and both public & secret signs, used as devices by which they could identify one another.

(3) A member of a society composed of such workers, which also included honorary members (accepted masons) not connected with stone work.

1350-1400: From the Middle English fremason.  Free was from the Middle English free, fre & freo, from the Old English frēo (free), from the Proto-West Germanic frī, from the Proto-Germanic frijaz (beloved, not in bondage), from the primitive Indo-European priHós (dear, beloved), from preyH- (to love, please); it was related to the English friend.  The verb was from the Middle English freen & freoȝen, from the Old English frēon & frēoġan (to free; make free), from the Proto-West Germanic frijōn, from the Proto-Germanic frijōną, from the primitive Indo-European preyH-.  Mason was from the Middle English masoun & machun, from the Anglo-Norman machun & masson or the Old French maçon, from the Late Latin maciō (carpenter, bricklayer), from the Frankish makjō (maker, builder), a derivative of the Frankish makōn (to work, build, make), from the primitive Indo-European mag- (to knead, mix, make), conflated with the Proto-West Germanic mattjō (cutter), from the primitive Indo-European metn- & met- (to cut).  The “mason” element of the word is uncontested.  A mason was a bricklayer (1) one whose trade was the handling, and formation of structures in stone or brick or (2) one who prepares stone for building purposes.  It later (3) became the standard short-form for a member of the fraternity of Freemasons.  However, the origin of the “free” part is contested.  Some etymologists suggest it was a corruption of the French frère (brother), from frèremaçon (brother mason) while others believe it was a reference to the masons working on “free-standing” (ie large rocks they would cut shape into smaller pieces) stones.  Most however maintain it meant “free” in the sense of them being independent of the control of local guilds or lords.  The noun freemasonry was in use by the mid-fifteenth century.  Freemason, Freemasonism & freemasonry are nouns and freemasonic is an adjective; the noun plural is Freemasons.  Unfortunately, the adjective freemasonistic and the adverb freemasonistically appear not to exist and it can be correct to use "freemasonry" as a collective noun (eg "the Roman Curia is a freemasonry of cardinals") if used of those notorious for plotting & scheming.  

The origin of the freemasons was in a travelling guild of masons who wandered England offering their services to those needing stonework.  Operating in opposition to the established guilds, the freemasons (ie free from the dictates of the guilds) had a closed system of passwords, symbols and secret signs (the origin of the famously mysterious Masonic handshake) so safely they could identify each-other and ensure intruders (presumably agents of the guild) couldn’t infiltrate their midst.  In the early seventeenth century, they began accepting as honorary members even those who were not stonemasons and by the early eighteenth century the structure had had developed into the secret fraternity of affiliated lodges known as Free and Accepted Masons (often as F&AM) and as an institution the F&AM were first registered in London in 1717.

Freemason T-shirts should not be confused with other "Free" campaign clothing. 

The “accepted” refers to persons admitted to the society but not belonging to the craft and in time this became the nature of the Freemason, long removed from the actual trade of stone-working.  As an institution, the Freemasons (especially by their enemies and detractors) are often spoken of as if something monolithic but the only truly common thread is the name although most do (at least officially) subscribe to a creed of “brotherly love, faith, and charity”.  Structurally, they’re nothing like the Roman Catholic Church with its headquarters and single figure of ultimate authority and are a looser affiliation even than the “worldwide Anglican community” where the spiritual “authority” of the Archbishop of Canterbury is now wholly symbolic.  The Freemasons are more schismatic still and can’t even be compared to the loosest of confederations because their basic organizational units, the lodges, operate with such autonomy that one might not be on speaking terms with one in the next suburb and each may even deny that the other is legitimately Masonic.

Despite that, the conspiracy theorists have often been interested in the Masons because they can be treated as if they are monolithic and it is true that as recently as the second half of the twentieth century there were many entities (notably police forces) where there was an unusual preponderance of Masons in prominent positions and in one force, for decades, by mutual consent, the position of commissioner alternated between a Roman Catholic and a Freemason.  In Europe, it wasn’t uncommon for the Masons to be grouped with the Jews as the source of all that was corrupt in society and some satirists made a troupe of “the Freemasons and the Jews” being at the bottom of every evil scheme, cooked up either at lodge or synagogue.  One who needed no convincing was Adolf Hitler (1889-1945; Führer (leader) and German head of government 1933-1945 & head of state 1934-1945) who, to his dying day, believed a mix of Masonic plotting and intrigues within the royal court was behind the overthrow of Benito Mussolini (1883-1945; Duce (leader) & prime-minister of Italy 1922-1943) in 1943.

Reinhard Heydrich (second from left, back to camera) conducting a tour of the SS Freemasonry Museum, Berlin, 1935.

The Nazis enjoyed curiously diverse interactions with the Freemasons.  During his trial (1945-1946) in Nuremberg Hermann Göring (1893–1946; leading Nazi 1922-1945, Hitler's designated successor & Reichsmarschall 1940-1945) told the IMT (International Military Tribunal) it was only an accident of history he was in the dock because in 1922 he was on his way “…to join the Freemasons when I was distracted by a toothy blonde.”  Had he joined the brotherhood, he claimed, he’d never have been able to join the Nazi Party because it proscribed Freemasonry.  During the same proceedings, Hjalmar Schacht (1877–1970; President of the German Central Bank (Reichsbank) 1933–1939 and Nazi Minister of Economics 1934–1937) said that even while serving the Third Reich he never deviated from his belief in the principles of “international Freemasonry”.  There is no evidence any of the judges on the IMT were Freemasons and it's mere coincidence Göring (who didn't become a Freemason) was sentenced to be hanged while Schacht (who from the dock championed the cult) was acquitted.

Nazi anti-Freemason propaganda, a poster first issued in Stuttgart, 1935.  The heading translates as: World politics World revolution with the lower text being: Freemasonry is an international organization beholden to Jewry with the political goal of establishing Jewish domination through world-wide revolution.  The map, adorned with Masonic symbols, highlights the revolutions in Europe between the French (1789) and German (1919) Revolutions.  In the same way the Nazis conflated Bolshevism with Judaism, the Freemasons were depicted as part of the “Jewish conspiracy”.

Upon coming to power, the Nazis certainly took that proscription seriously but the suppression of Freemasonry was not unique, the party looking to stamp out all institutions which could be an alternative source of people’s allegiances or sources of ideas.  This included youth organizations, trade unions and other associations, their attitude something like that of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) to the Falun Gong and the two authoritarian parties were similarly pragmatic in dealing with the mainstream churches which were regulated and controlled, it being realized their support was such that eradication would have to wait.  By 1935, the Nazis considered the “Freemason problem” solved and the SS even created a “Freemason Museum” on Berlin’s Prinz-Albrecht-Palais (conveniently close to Gestapo headquarters) to exhibit the relics of the “vanished cult”.  SS-Obergruppenführer (Lieutenant-General) Reinhard Heydrich (1904–1942; head of the Reich Security Main Office 1939-1942) originally included the Freemasons on his list of archenemies of National Socialism which, like Bolshevism, he considered an internationalist, anti-fascist Zweckorganisation (expedient organization) of Jewry.  According to Heydrich, Masonic lodges were under Jewish control and while appearing to organize social life “…in a seemingly harmless way, were actually instrumentalizing people for the purposes of Jewry”.

1960 Rolls-Royce Phantom V (1959-1968) by Park Ward in Masons Black.  Chassis 5AS69 was commissioned for the Nigerian High Commissioner to London; the quad headlight assemblies (fitted to the Phantom V from 1963) are a later addition.

According Rolls-Royce, “Masons Black” has nothing to do with Freemasonry, the name coming from “Masons Ltd”, the original suppliers of the paint, the company first delivering the proprietary shade to the factory (where it was used to coat chassis members) and coach-builders (not until the 1950s would Rolls-Royce supply a body) in the late 1920s.  Originally a deep, high-gloss black enamel, as the industy in the post-war years transitioned first to cellulose and later polyurethane paints, the name “Masons Black” was retained with new mixes emulating the old hue.  While in the mysterious world of Masonic symbolism black is used in rituals to represent the “depths of the Earth” or the “first alchemical stage”, some who claim to have analysed the (publicly available) imagery say the colors most associated with the cult are shades of blue.

2018 Rolls-Royce Phantom VIII SWB (2017-) in Jubilee Silver, a color close to the “average” color of belly-button lint but, despite the imprimatur of the Ig Nobel Prize committee, Rolls-Royce didn’t add the shade to their color chart as “Navel Fluff Blue” so that opportunity for product differentiation was lost.

Probably not too much should be read into the relationship between blue and the Freemasons because it’s a popular color used by many institutions for many purposes.  Indeed, Dr Karl Kruszelnicki (b 1948) was in 2002 awarded an Ig Nobel Prize (in interdisciplinary research) for undertaking was appears to have been the first “…comprehensive survey of human belly button lint - who gets it, when, what color, and how much” which revealed a previously unknown significance of blue.  In the published findings from his groundbreaking research, Dr Kruszelnicki concluded belly-button lint (known also as “navel fluff”) tends in most to be a predominantly bluish gray because that’s the average of the mix of the dyes used in the manufacture of fabrics and threads from which clothing is assembled.  While other elements can appear in belly-button lint (including dust, hair and dead skin cells), overwhelmingly it’s composed of detritus from clothing.  The same phenomenon can be observed in the filters of tumble dryers.

The Australian arm of Rupert Murdoch’s (b 1931) media empire has become essentially the propaganda unit of the Liberal Party of Australia.  In 2018 Brisbane’s Murdoch-owned Courier-Mail (known to sceptical locals as the “Curious Snail”) was able to run a gushing puff-piece on Peter Dutton (b 1970; leader of the opposition and leader of the Australian Liberal Party since May 2022), headed (left) by a statement from his wife Kirilly (b 1974): “He is not a monster.”  People might give him the benefit of the doubt on that one but the Courier-Mail has never been able to run the one on the right because neither Mr Dutton or his wife have ever denied he’s a Freemason.

A depiction of Peter Dutton in the regalia of a Freemason Grand Master (digitally altered image).  Note the apron worn beneath the jacket, a style unique to The Ancient and Accepted Scottish Rite of Freemasonry.

One institution which has for almost three centuries proscribed Freemasonry is the Roman Catholic Church although that official position has run in parallel with a notable Catholic membership in many lodges.  The ban was both explicit and often expressed up until the pontificate of Pius XII (1876-1958; pope 1939-1958) but after the Second Vatican Council (Vatican II; 1962-1965), the winds of change seemed to blow in other directions and in recent years from Rome, there’s been barely a mention of Freemasonry, the feeling probably that issues like secularism, abortion, homosexuality, radical Islam and such were more immediate threats.  It was thus a surprise to many when on 13 November 2023 the Vatican's Dicastery for the Doctrine of the Faith (the DDF, the latest name for the Inquisition) reaffirmed the Church's teachings that laity or clerics participating in Freemasonry are in "a state of grave sin."  The DDF didn’t repeat the words of Clement XII (1652–1740; pope 1730-1740) who in 1738 called Masonry “depraved and perverted” but did say: “On the doctrinal level, it should be remembered that active membership in Freemasonry by a member of the faithful is forbidden because of the irreconcilability between Catholic doctrine and Freemasonry", citing Declaration on Masonic Associations (1983) by Benedict XVI (1927–2022; pope 2005-2013, pope emeritus 2013-2022) when, as Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, he was head of the DDF (then called the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith (CDF)).  Continuing in a way which recalled the ways of the Inquisition, ominously the DDF added: “Therefore, those who are formally and knowingly enrolled in Masonic Lodges and have embraced Masonic principles fall under the provisions in the above-mentioned Declaration. These measures also apply to any clerics enrolled in Freemasonry.”

Liz Truss (b 1975; UK prime-minister Sep-Oct 2022) who "says what we're all thinking".

Apparently, the DDF issued the document in response to concerns raised by a bishop in the Philippines who reported a growing interest in the secret society in his country.  That was interesting in that cultural anthropologists have noted the form of Catholic worship in the Philippines was in some ways a hybrid which merged the Western tradition with the local rituals the Spanish priests who accompanied the colonists found were hard to suppress.  It proved a happy compromise and the faith flourished but one of the Vatican’s objections to Freemasonry has long been that the society swears oaths of secrecy, fellowship and fraternity among members and has accumulated a vast catalogue of rituals, ceremonial attire and secret signals.  It has always made the church uneasy that these aesthetic affectations often use Christian imagery despite being used for non-Christian rituals.  Indeed, it’s not a requirement of membership that one be a Christian or even to affirm a belief in the God of Christianity or Jesus Christ as the savior or mankind and the secret nature of so much Masonic ritualism has given rise to the suspicion of the worship of false idols.  Of relevance too is the existence of the complex hierarchy of titles within Masonism which could be interpreted as a kind of parallel priesthood.

Pope Francis (b 1936; pope since 2013) is fighting a war which he hopes will set the course of the church for the next generation.  Before it could commence in anger he had to wait for the death of Benedict but the battle is now on and it’s against a cabal of recalcitrant cardinals and theologians (“the finest minds of the thirteenth century” he’s rumored to call them) who are appalled at any deviation from established orthodoxy in doctrine, ritual or form, regarding such (at least between themselves), as heresy.  Quite where the DDF’s re-statement of the 300 year old policy of prohibition of Freemasonry fits into that internecine squabble isn’t clear and it may be the interest aroused surprised even the DDF which may simply have been issuing a routine authoritative clarification in response to a bishop’s request.  Certainly nothing appears to have changed in terms of the consequences and the interpretation by some that the revisions to canon law made some years were in some way substantive in this matter appear to have been wrong.

Escutcheons of the Holy See (left) and the Secret Society of the Les Clefs d’Or (right).

Interestingly, the DDF (nor any other iteration of the Inquisition) has never moved to proscribe the Secret Society of the Les Clefs d’Or (The Golden Keys; the international association of hotel concierges.  This is despite the organization being structurally similar to the Freemasons and the similarities between their escutcheon and that of the Holy See are quite striking.  According to the DDF, the crossed keys are a symbol of the Papacy's authority and power, the keys representing the "keys of heaven" that were in the New Testament passed from Jesus Christ to Saint Peter.  In Roman Catholic tradition, Peter was appointed by Jesus as the first Pope and given the keys to symbolize his authority to forgive sins and to make decisions binding on behalf of the Church (this the theological basis of what in canon law was codified in the nineteenth century as papal infallibility).  The two keys thus symbolize the pope's two powers: (1) spiritual power (represented by the silver key) and (2) temporal power (represented by the gold key).  The latter power manifested in a most temporal manner during the thousand-odd years (between the eighth & nineteenth centuries) when the authority of the papal absolute theocracy extended to rule and govern the Papal States (which were interpolated into the modern state of Italy upon Italian unification (1859-1870).  Claiming (officially) only temporal dominion, the Secret Society of the Les Clefs d'Or logo depicts both their keys in gold, one said to symbolize the concierge's role in unlocking the doors to the world for their guests, the other their ability to unlock the secrets of their destination and provide insider knowledge and recommendations (restaurant bookings, airport transfers, "personal service workers" of all types etc).  However, neither the Vatican nor the Les Clefs d’Or have ever denied intelligence-sharing, covert operations, common rituals or other links.

In an indication they'll stop at nothing, the Freemasons have even stalked Lindsay Lohan.  In 2011, Ms Lohan was granted a two-year restraining order against alleged stalker David Cocordan, the order issued some days after she filed complaint with police who, after investigation by their Threat Management Department, advised the court Mr Cocordan (who at the time had been using at least five aliases) “suffered from schizophrenia”, was “off his medication” and had a "significant psychiatric history of acting on his delusional beliefs.”  That was worrying enough but Ms Lohan may have revealed her real concerns in an earlier post on twitter in which she included a picture of David Cocordan, claiming he was "the freemason stalker that has been threatening to kill me- while he is TRESPASSING!"  Obviously, being stalked by the Freemasons is bad enough but the thought of being hunted by a schizophrenic Freemason truly is frightening.  Apparently an unexplored matter in the annals of psychiatry, it seems the question of just how schizophrenia might particularly manifest in Freemasons awaits research so there may be a Ph.D there for someone.  Just as intriguing of course is whether the Masonic assassin was sent by the Freemasons to murder Lindsay Lohan and the "schizophrenic" story was concocted just to conceal the cult's involvement and there are precedents for such theories.  In May 1941, after Rudolf Hess (1894–1987; Nazi Deputy Führer 1933-1941) flew to Scotland in a private diplomatic venture to negotiate an end to hostilities between the UK and Germany, the Nazi government quickly issued a statement claiming the trip was unauthorized and Hess had gone mad (the last bit they phrased rather more delicately).  For decades, conspiracy theorists did suggest Adolf Hitler (1889-1945; Führer (leader) and German head of government 1933-1945 & head of state 1934-1945) had authorized the flight by the "motorized Parsifal" and denied prior knowledge only once it was clear the mission had failed (and Hess in the note he left did say "madness" could be a suitable cover story in such circumstances) but the consensus among historians is Hess acted alone although his motivation remains a matter of debate.  Once the Nazi's story of Hess being "mad" was digested, Berlin's cynical humor soon surfaced and a joke circulated having the erstwhile Deputy Führer introduced to Winston Churchill (1875-1965; UK prime-minister 1940-1945 & 1951-1955) who said to him: "So you're the madman", to which Hess replied: "No, I'm only his deputy."             

The problem Ms Lohan identified has long been known (the fear of Freemasons and the cult of Freemasonry is the linguistically unremarkable "masonphobia" and it's reasonable to assume that since a schizophrenic Freemason tried to murder her, Ms Lohan has been masonphobic).  In the US, between 1828-1838 there was an Anti-Mason political party which is remembered now as one of the first of the “third parties” which over the decades have often briefly flourished before either fading away or being absorbed into one side or the other of what has for centuries tended towards two-party stability.  Its initial strength was that it was obsessively a single-issue party which enabled it rapidly to gather support but that proved ultimately it’s weakness because it never adequately developed the broader policy platform which would have attracted a wider membership.  The party was formed in reaction to the disappearance (and presumed murder) of a former Mason who had turned dissident and become a most acerbic critic and the suspicion arose that the Masonic establishment had arranged his killing to silence his voice.  They attracted much support, including from many church leaders who had long been suspicious of Freemasonry and were not convinced the organization was anything but anti-Christian.  Because the Masons were a most secretive cult and conducted their meetings in private, their opponents tended to invent stories about the rituals and ceremonies (doing stuff with goats often mentioned) so the myths grew.  Those myths clearly were potent enough to secure some electoral success and the Anti-Masons even ran William Wirt (1772-1834 and still the nation’s longest-serving attorney-general (1817-1829)) as their candidate in the 1832 presidential election where he won 7.8% of the popular vote and carried Vermont, a reasonable achievement for a third-party candidate.  Ultimately though, that proved the electoral high-water mark and most of its members thereafter were absorbed by the embryonic Whig Party.

Peugeot 504 sedan in metallic gray.

The Roman Catholic Church is a institution with a two-thousand year history and whatever happens in the flow of tributaries, in the upper reaches, things change slowly but there are shifts as circumstances compel and what seems to have evolved between the pontificates of Pius XII and Francis is the view the greatest threats to Christendom are no longer "Communism, homosexuality & Freemasonry" but are now "Islam, homosexuality & Freemasonry".  To reinforce the fears the two ancient foes evoke in the Vatican, the matter of Archbishop Paul Marcinkus (1922–2006; president of the Institute for the Works of Religion (the "Vatican Bank") 1971-1989) must have confirmed in the mind of many there must be some connection between the two.  The archbishop was gay which was nothing unusual among the bishops and cardinals in the Vatican (indeed it’s probably unusual not to be gay in such circles) but even in that colourful milieu his sexual appetite was considered “in the upper range” and his fondness for Swiss Guards was both well known and the subject of some mirth among the Curia; often the archbishop would "lend" his Peugeot 504 (in metallic gray with a "lovely leather" interior) to his favourite Swiss Guards to use on their expeditions for this and that.  Highlights of the archbishop’s life included (1) being for a time ensconced behind the Vatican walls and protected by diplomatic immunity to ensure he’d not have to face interrogation from the various authorities interested in matters related to certain transactions at the Vatican Bank, (2) being associated with Italian banker Roberto Calvi (1920–1982), chairman of the bank Banco Ambrosiano (which collapsed in 1982) and known as Banchiere di Dio (God's Banker); found hanged from the scaffolding under London's Blackfriars Bridge) and (3) being accused of complicity in the murder of Pope John Paul I (1912–1978; pope August-September 1978).  There’s no compelling evidence the 33 day pontificate of JPI ended with his murder and nor is there anything but “a bit of circumstantial” suggest Marcinkus may have been involved.  Most historians concluded JPI died from natural causes and the marvellous conspiracy theory hinges on the suggestion the pope was planning to institute reforms in the Vatican Bank which had been linked to financial corruption involving the Banco Ambrosiano and the Propaganda Due (P2) Masonic Lodge.

Archbishop Marcinkus (far left) & Paul VI (1897-1978; pope 1963-1978, centre left) meet US Baptist preacher & civil rights activist Reverend Dr Martin Luther King Jr (1929–1968, centre right) & US Baptist preacher & civil rights activist Reverend Ralph Abernathy Sr (1926–1990, far right), the Vatican, 18 November 1964.  The US delegation was on the Rome leg of a European tour.

Even by the standards of the cult, the P2 Masonic Lodge was secretive which was understandable given how deeply it was involved in political corruption, financial irregularities and organized crime and finally it was banned in 1981 after the extent of its criminality became just too much for elements within the Italian state to continue the protection for years provided.  Founded in 1945, P2 originally was just another Masonic lodge under the Grand Orient of Italy but it came under the control of businessman and fascist Licio Gelli (1919–2015) who became Venerable Master and transformed it into a kind of shadow state.  In the manner Masons have practiced for centuries, P2 infiltrated institutions and recruited influential figures including politicians (including then media figure Silvio Berlusconi (1936-2023; prime minister of Italy 1994-1995, 2001-2006 & 2008-2011), military officers, judges, journalists and businessmen, most with some degree of fascist sympathy.  Essentially, P2’s agenda was a kind of “MIGA” (Make Italy Great Again) program and in the way these things are done, their plan for a latter day Il Risorgimento (Resurgence, the nineteenth century movement which culminated in the unification of Italy (1961)) their project, although presented as a “Plan for Democratic Rebirth” was actually a plot to undermine democracy and take control of the government.  P2 deeply was implicated in the scandals swirling around the Vatican Bank and the collapse of Banco Ambrosiano in 1982 and when finally investigated, almost a thousand officials and others were found to have ties to the cult; the prime minister, Arnaldo Forlani (1925–2023; Prime Minister of Italy 1980-1981), was compelled to resign although at the time of his death he was both the oldest living and longest-lived Italian prime minister so there was that.  As the scandal unfolded, Venerable Master Licio Gelli was expelled from the Masons (presumably because he’d committed the unforgivable sin of “being caught”) and arrested, triggering years of court cases, escapes from custody, hiding in other countries and pleading not guilty.  In the Italian way, despite receiving long sentences he spent very little time in prison and by 2003 seemed content P2 had in a way succeeded because the “democratic rebirth plan” was “being implemented by Silvio Berlusconi”.