Mule

Mule (pronounced myule)

(1) The sterile offspring of a female horse and a male donkey; a generalised term for any hybrid between the donkey and the horse.

(2) In informal use, a very stubborn person.

(3) In botany, any sterile hybrid.

(4) As drug mule, slang for a person paid to carry or transport contraband, especially drugs, for a smuggler.

(5) A small locomotive used for pulling rail cars, as in a coal yard or on an industrial site, or for towing, as of ships through canal locks.

(6) As spinning mule, a machine for spinning cotton or other fibers into yarn and winding the yarn on spindles.

(7) A style of open-backed women’s shoe, historically a lounging slipper that covers the toes and instep or only the instep.

(8) In nautical use, a large triangular staysail set between two masts and having its clew set well aft.

(9) In numismatics, a hybrid coin having the obverse of one issue and the reverse of the succeeding issue, or vice versa.

(10) A cocktail in various flavors (Jamaican Mule, Kentucky Mule & Moscow Mule) based respectively on Rum, Bourbon whiskey and Vodka

(11) As mule-deer, a species native to the western United States and so-named because of its large ears.

Pre 1000: From the Middle English mule, from the Anglo-Norman mule and the Old English mūl, both from the Latin mūlus, from the primitive Indo-European mukslós.   Related were the Middle Dutch mūle, the Old French mul (mule, hinny), the Late Latin muscellus (young he-mule), the Old East Slavic мъшкъ (mŭškŭ) (mule), the Phocian Ancient Greek  μυχλός (mukhlós) (he-ass) and the German Maul, Maultier & Maulesel, again derived from Latin.  It’s thought the Latin word was influenced by the Proto-Italic musklo- which is probably (along with the Ancient Greek myklos (pack-mule) and the Albanian mushk (mule)) a loan-word from one of the languages of Asia Minor.  The noun muleteer (mule driver) dates from the 1530s and was from the French muletier, from mulet (mule), a diminutive formation which in French displaced the Old French mul as the word for "mule".  The adjective mulish (possessing the characteristics imputed to the mule) is used of people thought obstinate rather than hard working; the word was in use by 1751 and the  alternative is mulelike (or mule-like), mulesque apparently either never created or not catching on. Mule is a noun & verb, mulishness & muleteer are nouns, mulishly is an adverb and mulish & mulelike are adjectives; the noun plural is mules. 

A mule of the Cyprus Regiment being loaded onto a transport ship, 1940.

As beasts of burden, mules widely were used by all military forces in Greece and the Middle East during World War II (1939-1945).  The Cyprus Regiment (1940-1950) was a unit of the British Army, formed from volunteers who were mostly Greek or Turkish Cypriots but the army's records list also members who were Armenian, Maronite or Latin inhabitants of Cyprus.  In the way such units tended during the conflict to be augmented by elements from other formations, soldiers from a number of Commonwealth nations were also from time to time attached to the establishment.

The mule became a popular pack animal because it was aid to "combine the strength of the horse with the endurance and surefootedness of the ass" and for centuries mules extensively have been bred to select for one characteristic or the other, those working mountainous trails a different beast from those on the plains.  To be zoologically correct, a mule is properly the offspring of a he-ass and a mare; that of a she-ass and a stallion is technically a hinny while a mule born of a horse and a she-ass is a burdon, a late fourteenth century creation from the Latin burdonem.  Ordinarily, male mules are incapable of procreation and commonly the word is applied allusively of hybrids and things of mixed nature.  The phrase "test mule" entered engineering (and later product development generally) in the 1920s to describe devices built for purposes of evaluation and thus expendable, a fate suffered no doubt by many an unfortunate beast. 

The mule's well-deserved reputation as a stellar beast of burden appears in the odd idiomatic form but it's the other traits which accounts for most popular use and perhaps surprisingly, given "stubborn as a mule" now appears in much greater frequency than "dumb as a mule" .  The meaning “stupid person” was noted by the 1470s, that of someone "obstinate or stubborn” not emerging until the eighteenth century although the latter use has endured and "working like a mule" proved an acceptable replacement when "working like an N-word" became proscribed.  There must have been some grounds for the beast picking up its reputation for obstinacy but there seems no evidence of the origin of that but it must sufficiently have been recognized to gain currency and become a proverbial descriptor of stubbornness.  A soul with such a tendency said to be "mulish"; within the family, Winston Churchill's (1875-1965; UK prime-minister 1940-1945 & 1951-1955) daughter Sarah (1914-1982) was nicknamed “the mule” (the English upper classes do like nick-names).  It seems likely the phrase "kick like a mule" was born of bitter experience although modern use is almost exclusively figurative, stronger forms of alcoholic drink commonly attracting the label.  It was formalized as the "Moscow Mule" (a cocktail made with vodka, ginger beer, and lime juice) although in the Western intelligence community that term was used also of traitors in the pay of the Soviet Union.  That use was probably modelled on "drug mule", underworld slang for "a smuggler of narcotics" which was noted as early as 1935 and came into general use in the post-war years.  The mule-deer of the western United States picked up the name because of its strikingly large ears.

Australian architect & multi-media installation Bianca Censori (b 1995), Instagram post, May 2025.

Ms Censori is one of the industry's leading practitioners of minimalist fashion and on this occasion paired a fishnet top with sheer tights, sunglasses the only visible accessory.  Wearing unobtrusive mules rather than the fishnet’s clichéd stilettos was a nice juxtaposition and the background was well-chosen, proving the value of a trained architect's eye.  

The so-named spinning machine dates from 1793 (first known as the "mule jenny" in 1788), the name derived from it being a "hybrid" of Richard Arkwright's (1732–1792) drawing-rollers and the spinning jenny invented by the English carpenter James Hargreaves (circa 1720–1778).  In what seems to have been an imaginative flight of etymological fancy, it was in the eighteenth century suggested the name "mule" was applied because the thing without complaint did so much of the labor which would otherwise have to be undertaken by human hand but there seems no doubt the inspiration was the machine's hybrid origin.  The use to describe the loose slipper worn as footwear was drawn into English in the 1560s from the Old French mule (slipper) from the Latin mulleus calceus (literally “red high-soled shoe”), a shoe worn by Roman patricians and associated with magistrates.  This footwear is unrelated to the long tradition of the Roman Catholic Pope wearing red shoes, the association tracing back to the notion of the blood of Christ falling on his feet as he carried on his back the cross on which he was crucified on Golgotha.  They were made again famous by fashion icon Benedict XVI (1927–2022; pope 2005-2013, pope emeritus 2013-2022) although his successor, Francis (b 1936-2025; pope 2013-2025), favored plain black.

The mule the clog and the slide

Lindsay Lohan in Alexander Wang (b 1983) Amelia mules, Mykonos, Greece, June 2019.  Note the low heel, an example of how the term “mule" is used now by manufacturers to describe just about anything with some degree of openness in the heel.

Mules, by definition are backless but may be sling-backs and can have open or closed toes.  There are many who would classify these as sandals and some manufacturers agree.  In this context "mule" was from the Ancient Roman mulleus calceus a red (or reddish-purple) shoe popular with upper-class Romans and worn as a symbol of office by the three highest magistrates although the scant historical evidence does suggest the Roman footwear looked more like modern clogs than mules and logically, one would expect footwear with thicker, tougher soles would at the time have been preferred for use outdoors.  High-heeled mules became a popular indoor style during the 1700s, influenced by the pattern, a backless overshoe of the sixteenth century, although, by early in the twentieth, mules were often derided as the "dress-wear" of the "better class of prostitutes" and it wasn’t until Marilyn Monroe (1926–1962) adopted the mule in the 1950s they again assumed some respectability.  By the 1990s, mules were among the most popular of shoes, their combination of stylishness, comfort and practicality making them a wardrobe essential.

Chanel Mesh & Grosgrain Mule in black with 3.3 inch (85mm) heel @ US$800, Chanel part-number: G37505 Y55290 94305.

The descriptors mules, clogs and slides are sometimes used interchangeably.  The typical clog is a closed-toed wooden (or other) soled shoe with a heel no more than a couple of inches high.  Clogs are backless (although there are clog boots).  Mules, by comparison, traditionally had a higher heel although the strictness applied to that definition has weakened the emphasis seemingly now on the backlessness although there standards too are loose, slingback mules common.  The term slide derives from being applied to designs permitting the foot to slide in and may thus apply to both mules and clogs rather than being a distinct style.

Mullet

Mullet (pronounced muhl-it)

(1) Any of various teleost food marine or freshwater, usually gray fishes of the family Mugilidae (grey mullet (order Mugiliformes)) or Nullidae (red mullet (order Syngnathiformes)), having a nearly cylindrical body; a goatfish; a sucker, especially of the genus Moxostoma (the redhorses).

(2) A hairstyle in which the hair is short in the front and at the sides of the head, and longer in the back; called also the “hockey player haircut" and the "soccer rocker"; the most extreme form is called the skullet, replacing the earlier hockey hair.

(3) In heraldry, a star-like charge having five or six points unless a greater number is specified, used especially as the cadency (any one of several systems used to distinguish between similar coats of arms belonging to members of the same family) mark of a third son; known also as American star & Scottish star.  The alternative spelling is molet.

(4) In slang (apparently always in the plural), a reference to one’s children (two or more).

(5) In slang, a person who mindlessly follows a fad, trend or leader; a generally dim-witted person.

(6) In dress design, a design based on the hairstyle, built around the concept of things being longer at the back, tapering progressively shorter towards the sides and the front.  The name is modern, variations of the style go back centuries.

1350-1400: The use in heraldry is from the Middle English molet(te), from the Old French molete (rowel of a spur), the construct being mole (millstone (the French meule) + -ette (the diminutive suffix).  The reference to the fish species dates from 1400–50, from the late Middle English molet, mulet & melet, from the Old French mulet (red mullet), from the Medieval Latin muletus, from the Latin muletus & moletus from mullus (red mullet) from the Ancient Greek μύλλος (múllos & mýllos) (a Pontic of fish), which may be related to melos (black) but the link is speculative.

The use to describe the hairstyle is said to date from 1994, thought to be a shortening of the slang mullethead (blockhead, fool, idiot ("mull" used in the sense of "to dull or stupefy")), popularized and possibly coined by US pop-music group the Beastie Boys in their song Mullet Head (1994), acknowledged by the Oxford English Dictionary (OED) as the first use "in print" although the origin use is contested.  Mullethead also was a name used in the mid nineteenth century of a large, flat-headed North American freshwater fish which gained a reputation for stupidity (ie was easily caught).  As a surname, Mullet is attested in both France and England from the late thirteenth century, the French form thought related to the Old French mul (mule), the English from the Middle English molet, melet & mulet (mullet) a metonymic occupational name for a fisherman or seller of these fish although some sources do suggest a link to a nickname derived from mule (a beast with a reputation for (1) an ability to carry a heavy burden and (2) stubbornness).  The now less fashionable Australian slang form "stunned mullet" is used to imply that someone appears "especially or unusually dim-witted".

The "mullet" label casts a wide net: Red mullet (Goatfish) (left) and grey mullet (right).

In ichthyology, fish of the family Mugilidae are distinguished variously by modifiers including black mullet, bright mullet, bully mullet, callifaver mullet, grey mullet, diamond mullet, finger mullet, flathead mullet, hardgut mullet, Lebranche mullet, mangrove mullet, pearl mullet, popeye mullet, red mullet, river mullet, sea mullet, so-iuy mullet & striped mullet.  Mullet is a noun and mullety and mulletlike & mulleted are adjectives (as verbs mulleted and mulleting are non-standard as is the adjective mulletesque).  The noun plural is mullet if applied collectively to two or more species of the fish and mullets for other purposes (such as two or more fish of the same species and the curious use as a (class-associated) slang term parents use to refer to their children if there are two or more although use in the singular isn’t recorded; apparently they can have two (or more) mullets but not one mullet.

The Mullet  

Proto-mullet.

The mullet hairstyle goes back a long way.  The Great Sphinx of Giza is thought to be some four and a half thousand years old but evidence of men & women with hair cut short at the front and sides, long at the back, exists from thousands of years earlier.  It’s assumed by historians the cut would variously have been adopted for functional reasons (warmth for the neck and freedom for obstruction of the eyes & face) although aesthetics has probably always been a feature of the human character so it may also have been a preferred style.  There are many findings in the archaeological record and references to the hair style appear in the histories of many cultures.  In the West, the acceptability of longer cuts for men was one of the social changes of the 1960s and the mullet was one style to again arise; from there it’s never gone away although, as the mullet came to be treated as a class-identifier, use did become more nuanced, some claiming to wear one ironically.  The other sense in which "proto-mullet" is used is of a mulletlike hairstyle which at the back is shorter than the full-fledged mullet (such also once called the "tailgate" or "mudflap"). 

Rime of the Ancient Mullet: Samuel Taylor Coleridge (1772–1834).

Opinion remains divided and some schools have gone as far as to ban mullets because of an alleged association with anti-social or disruptive behavior.  At the other end of the spectrum there are are mullet competitions with prizes including trophies and bottles of bourbon whiskey.  It's suspected those who disapprove of the style, if asked to pick the "worst mullet", would likely choose the same contestants winning "best mullet" in their categories.  The competitions seem popular and are widely publicized, although the imagery can be disturbing for those with delicate sensibilities not often exposed to certain sub-cultures.  Such folk are perhaps more familiar with the Romantic poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge but there was a time when he wore a mullet although the portraits which survive suggest his might not have been sufficiently ambitious to win any modern contests.

Emos with variegated tellums: Black & copper (left) and black, magenta, blue & grey (right).

Associated initially with that most reliable of trend-setters, the emo, the tellum (mullet spelled backwards), more helpfully described as the “reverse mullet” is, exactly as suspected, long in front and short at the back.  Definitely a thing exclusively of style because it discards the functionally which presumably was the original rationale for the mullet, emos often combine the look with one or more lurid colors, the more patient sometimes adopting a spiky look which can be enlivened with a different color for each spike.  That’s said to be quite high-maintenance.  The asymmetric tellum can be engineered to provide a dramatic look, concealing much of the face, the power of effect said to be to force the focus onto the one exposed eye.  True obsessives use colored contact lens to match whatever is the primary hue applied to the the hair. 

Martina Navratilova (b 1956) playing a backhand shot.

On a tennis court, a mullet is functional and there are headband users who wrongly have been accused of being mulleteers.  No more monolithic than any others, it’s probably absurd to think of any of the component part of the LGBTQQIAAOP as being a visually identifiable culture but there appears to have been a small lesbian sub-set in the 1980s which adopted the mullet although motives were apparently mixed, varying from (1) chauvinistic assertiveness of the lesbionic, (2) blatant signalling when advertising for a mate to (3) just another haircut.  Despite that, there's little to suggest that in isolation a mullet on a woman tends to be used as a GABOSO (general association based on single observation) to assume she's a lesbian.

Caitlyn Jenner (when identified as Bruce) with mullet at different stages of transition.

It also featured in a recent, celebrated case of gender-fluidity, Bruce Jenner (b 1949) photographed sporting a mullet shortly before beginning his transition to Caitlyn Jenner.  However, the mullet may be unrelated to the change, the photographic record confirming his long-time devotion to the cut and, since transitioning to Caitlyn, it seems to have been retired for styles more overtly traditionally feminine.

A MulletFest entrant in the Junior (14 to 17 Years category).

In Australia, the mullet is much associated with the bogan, one of sociology’s more striking cross-cultural overlaps.  The correlation is of course not 1:1 but while the perception that all mullet-wearers are bogans is probably about right, not all bogans sport a mullet and they’re even credited with at least popularizing the “skull mullet” which takes the “short at the sides” idea down almost to the skin.  At the institutional level, there’s MulletFest which tours the nation conducting “Best Mullet Competitions” at appropriate events (rodeos, agricultural shows, meetings for those displaying hotted-up cars etc) with inclusive categories including five for children (age-based), rangas (redheads), vintage (for the over 50s), grubby (the criteria unclear) and the mysterious “extreme”.  All entrants are “…judged on their haircut, overall presentation and stage presence, and the person with the “Best Mullet of them All” is crowned on the day and takes home that worthy honour.”  Proceeds from MulletFest events are donated to local charities.

The Mullet Skirt

Charles II (1630–1685; King of Scotland 1649-1651, King of Scotland, England and Ireland 1660-1685) an early adopter of the mullet style, in his coronation robes (circa 1661), oil on canvas by John Michael Wright (1617–1694) (left) and two views of Lindsay Lohan, also with much admired legs, following the example of the House of Stuart, Los Angeles, August 2012 (centre & right).  Charles II got more fun out of life than his father (Charles I (1600–1649; King of England, Scotland & Ireland 1625-1649) and possibly more even than Charles III (b 1948; King of the United Kingdom since 2022), the House of Windsor's latest monarch.  Both Charles I & Charles III also rocked the mullet look for their coronations and fashionistas can debate who wore it best.

Sewing pattern for mullet dress (left) and or the catwalk, Miranda Kerr (b 1983, left) demonstrates a pale pink high-low celebrity, prom or graduation party dress, Liverpool Fashion Fest Runway, Mexico City, March 2011 (right).

The style of the mullet skirt long pre-dates the use of the name and the same concept used to be called "tail skirt", "train skirt" or "high-low circle skirt" (which in commercial use often appeared as "Hi-Lo skirt"), the terms still often used by those who find the mere mention of mullet distasteful.  The pattern for the fabric cut is deceptively simple but as in any project involving other than straight lines, it can be difficult to execute and the less volume that's desired in the garment, the harder it becomes to produce with precision.  That so many mullet dresses are bulky is probably a stylistic choice but the volume of fabric is handy for obscuring any inconsistencies.

The cheat cut mullet skirt.

Seamstresses do however have a trick which can work to convert an existing skirt into a mullet although again, it does work best if there's a lot of fabric.  Essentially, the trick is to lay the skirt perfectly flat, achieved by aligning the side seams (if there are no side seams, describe two with chalk lines); use a true, hard surface like a hardwood floor or a table to ensure no variations intrude.  Then, draw the cutting line, describing the shape to permit the extent of mulletness desired.  Unless absolutely certain, it's best to cult less, then try on the garment; if it's not enough, re-cut, repeating the process if necessary.  Because a hem will be needed, the cut should allow the loss of a ½ inch (12 mm) of fabric.

January Jones (b 1978 left) wore a blue “sea wave” piece from the Atelier Versace Spring 2010 collection to that year’s Emmy Awards ceremony and it was definitely a mullet.  Emma Stone’s (b 1988, centre left & centre right) sequined dress from Chanel's Fall 2009 haute couture collection, worn at the 2011 Vanity Fair Oscar party, was one of the season’s most admired outfits but it is not a mullet because it resembles one only when viewed at a certain angle; it should be regarded as an interpretation of the “train skirt”.  Caitlin FitzGerald (b 1983, right) appeared at the 2014 Golden Globes award ceremony in an Emilia Wickstead dress which featured an anything but straight hemline but it was not a mullet because the designer's intent was not to seek a "mullet effect"' it was a dress with a "swishy" skirt.  So, conceptually, the mullet dress is something like adding an "integrated cloak" to an outfit and the implications of that mean the result will sit somewhere on a spectrum and as with all mullets, there is a beginning, a middle and an end.  

Ass & Arse

Arse (pronounced ahrs)

(1) One of many slang terms for the human buttocks (in much of the English-speaking world except the US).

(2) By extension, one of many slang terms applied to the rear or back-end of anything, animal, vegetable or mineral (in much of the English-speaking world except the US).

(3) In Australian slang, effrontery; cheek.

(4) In slang, a stupid, pompous, arrogant, mean or despicable etc person, a use sometimes enlivened as “arsehole” (in much of the English-speaking world except the US).

(5) A person; the self; (reflexively) oneself or one's person, chiefly their body and by extension, one's personal safety, or figuratively one's job, prospects etc (in much of the English-speaking world except the US).

(6) In biochemistry, as ARSE, the abbreviation of arylsulfatase E (an enzyme, deficiencies in which are associated with abnormalities in cartilage and bone development).

Pre 1000: From the Middle English ars, eres & ers, from the Old English ærs & ears, from the Proto-West Germanic ars, from the Proto-Germanic arsaz and cognate with the Old Frisian ers, the Dutch aars, the Old Norse, Middle Low German, Old Saxon & Old High German ars (from which modern German gained Arsch), the Greek órrhos (rump (from orso-, used frequently in compounds)), the Armenian or̄kh and the Hittite arras.  All of the nouns derive ultimately probably from the primitive Indo-European h₃érsos- (backside, buttocks, tail), the source also of the Ancient Greek ourá & orros (tail, rump, base of the spine), the Hittite arrash and the Old Irish err (tail).  In the hierarchy of vulgarity, arse had an interesting history, beginning as something purely descriptive but, because of the association with the buttocks and their functions (with all that that implies), the word soon became a vulgar form, avoided in polite conversation.  That restraint lingered well into the twentieth century but even though things are now more relaxed, a careless use of arse in the wrong time and place, in the wrong company, can still cause offence.  The Latin arse was the vocative masculine singular of arsus, the perfect passive participle of ārdeō which was used with a variety of senses (1) to burn (to be consumed by fire), (2) Of eyes which glow or sparkle, (3) in poetic use, to glisten with a feature, usually with a colour, (4) figuratively, “to burn, be strongly affected with an emotion, (5), figuratively, “to be eager” & (6) figuratively, ardently or fervently to be in love, to burn with lustful or romantic desire.  Arse is a noun & verb; arsing is a verb and arsed is a verb & adjective; the noun plural is arses.

One should avoid losing one's ticket.

There can have been few words as productive as arse in the construction of slang and idiomatic forms, some of which survived while some died out.  To “hang the arse” (slow, reluctant; tardy) was from the 1630s while the more graphic (and in some cases presumably literal) “arse-winning” referred to income gained from prostitution "money obtained by prostitution" was in Middle English in the late fourteenth century.  The familiar “arse over tit” (to fall down; to fall over) is actually an alternative form of the original “arse over tip” which was first recorded in 1884 although it had probably long been in oral use.  Arseward was a synonym of backward in the fourteenth century while the mysterious arsy-versy (backside foremost) dates from the 1530s and was probably a reduplication of arse, perhaps with suggestions of “going backwards; in reverse”.  Arsehole can of course be literal (referencing the anus) and the late fourteenth century was spelled arce-hoole, an inheritance from the Old English in which the Latin anus was glossed with earsðerl (literally "arse-thrill" with the noun thrill used in its original sense of "hole".  Asshole (a stupid, pompous, arrogant, mean or despicable etc person) is also a frequently used term of abuse.  One long-serving Australian foreign minister, early in his undistinguished term was overheard referring to poor nations as “BACs” (busted arse countries) and while he never apologized, did sit smirking in parliament while the prime-minister assured the house he’d been assured it wouldn’t happen again (presumably the leak rather than the comment).  A smart-arse (a person thought flippant or insolent, usually with a tendency to make snide remarks) should not be confused with an arse-smart (also ars-smart), the herb Persicaria hydropiper (formerly Polygonum hydropiper), named in the early fourteenth century, the construct being arse + smart (in the sense of “pain”).  The herb was also at the time once culrage and since the late eighteenth century has been known as smartweed.  Arse smart was a direct translation of the Old French cul rage, the construct being the Old French cul + rage which some sources suggest is from the Latin rabies (from rabiō (to rage)) but evidence is lacking and the French word may have been a folk etymology.

In German "My ass!" is spelled "Mein Arsch!".

The list of arse-based phrases (some of which began in the US as “ass” slang) is long and perhaps impossible wholly to compile but some of the other more frequently used forms are (1) arseage or pure arse (good and usually undeserved luck), (2) arse licker (sycophancy, also expressed as suck arse or kiss arse), sometime used in conjunction with (3) arse-kicker (stern superior) in the phrase (4) “kisses up, kicks down” which refers to those obsequious towards superior and officious to subordinates, (5) light up someone’s arse (provide encouragement in a strident or violent manner) which Dr Joseph Goebbels (1897-1945; Nazi propaganda minister 1933-1945) used in typically imaginative manner, telling his staff just after the failure of the July 1944 plot to assassinate Adolf Hitler (1889-1945; German head of government 1933-1945 & head of state 1934-1945), “It takes a bomb under his arse to make Hitler see reason”, (6) arse about (and arse around) which can mean either “the wrong way around” or “behaving frivolously, wasting time”, (7) half-arsed (something done badly or improperly), (8) fat arse (someone overweight), (9) dumb arse (someone considered not intelligent or an act thought most unwise), (10) cover one's arse (to take such action as one considers necessary to avoid later blame or censure (this one definitely borrowed from the US)), (11) to break one’s arse (working hard), (12) arse in a sling (an unfortunate state in one’s personal affairs, especially if the consequence of one’s own mistakes or ill-considered actions), (13) pain in the arse (someone or something troublesome or really annoying (pain in the neck the polite alternative)), (14) kick in the arse (a form of encouragement, a punishment or combination of the two), (15) bet your arse (an expression of certainty), (16) pulled it out of one’s arse (an admission of luck), the companion phrase being (17) can’t just pull it out of one’s arse (introducing a sense of reality to a conversation), (18) stick it up (your) arse (declining an offer, invitation or suggestion) and (19) can't be arsed (can’t be bothered).

Gratuitous objectification of the callipygian: One dozen pictures of Lindsay Lohan’s ass.

Ass (pronounced ass or ahrs)

(1) Ass is a noun and the adjectival form is ass-like (assesque a bit clumsy); the noun plural is asses.  adjective: asinine

(2) Either of two perissodactyl mammals of the horse family (Equidae), Equus asinus (African wild ass) or E. hemionus (Asiatic wild ass).  They are long-eared, slow, placid, sure-footed and easily domesticated, thus long used as a beast of burden.

(3) An alternative spelling of arse (buttocks or anus) and the standard form in the US and much of Canada.

(4) A stupid, foolish, absurdly pompous or stubborn person (although when seeking to suggest stubborn, “mule” was historically the more usual form).

(5) Someone with whom sexual intercourse is desired, contemplated or achieved and in those contexts can be used also to express admiration (nice piece of ass).

Pre-1000:  From the Middle English asse, from the Old English assa, probably a pet name or diminutive form based on a Celtic form such as the Old Irish asan or the Old Welsh asen, from the Latin asinus and akin to the Greek ónos (the donkey-like ass), from a non-Indo-European language of Asia Minor, possibly the Sumerian anše (ass).  The use as an alternative spelling of arse dates from the 1860s in the US and may be related to the increase in the mixing of linguistic traditions during the Civil War.

Tree humor.

Arse thus is the British slang word referring to (1) the human or animal posterior, or (2) a stupid person.  Ass is the American equivalent and is used also as the name of the beast of burden so like “check”, in US English there is potential for confusion whereas in British & Commonwealth use, the ass/arse & cheque/check distinction avoids this although, given the differences in definition, ass is less prone than check.  Some style guides and the more helpful dictionaries caution that ass in the US is less acceptable that arse has become in the commonwealth and when speaking of the beast, donkey or mule is often used, even when zoologically dubious.  Still, the word is useful and on Reddit there’s the subreddit AITA ("Am I the asshole"), which is the clearing house for enquiries where those involved in disputes can seek views on whether they are in the wrong.  One of the “prank names” used in the TV cartoon series The Simpsons to torment sleazy old bartender Moe Szyslak was “Hugh Jass”.

Dick Assman (Assman the Gasman), Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada, 1995.

Dick Assman (1934-2016) was a Canadian gas (petrol) station employee who gained his fifteen minutes (actually several months) of fame by virtue of his name which came to the attention of US talk-show host David Letterman (b 1947).  Seeing the comedic potential, Letterman in mid-1995 added a nightly segment called Assman the Gasman which lasted a few weeks but it generated for Mr Assman so much name-recognition, that it led to opportunities such as judging beauty contests.  The names Assman & Assmann are of fourteenth century German origin and are thought variations of Erasmus from the Ancient Greek erasmos (loved).  It was originally a personal name which evolved into a surname as the conventions of family names evolved in the post-feudal period.  Mr Assman enjoyed the celebrity ride but did note the name correctly is pronounced oss-man.

Mercedes-Benz 450 SEL (W116, 1972-1980).

This example of the factory’s once (mostly) logical naming convention deconstructs as 450 (referencing a 4.5 litre (276 cubic inch) version of the M117 (1971-1991) V8 + S (Sonderklasse (Special Class)) + E (Einspritzung (injection, referencing the use of fuel-injection)) + L (Lang (long, referencing the additional 100 mm (4 inches) added to the wheelbase of the LWB (long wheelbase) models).  Strictly speaking (and Germans are inclined to be strict), the LWB versions (280 SEL, 350 SEL, 450 SEL & 450 SEL 6.9) of the W116 officially were designated “V116”, the “W” standing for Wagen (car) and the “V” for verlängert (extended).  In practice, other than in the factory’s documentation the V116 designation was rarely used.  The W116 was in just about every way a better car than the model it replaced (W108/W109, 1965-1972) but collectors prefer the earlier versions because of the period charm and visual appeal.  Although the concept of the Mercedes-Benz Sonderklasse can be traced to the introduction of the 300 (W186 (1951-1957) & W189 (1957-1962)), the first official use of the term “S Class” was with the introduction of the W116 in 1972 and it was in a sense the first “modern” Mercedes-Benz with each subsequent S Class an evolution from the previous model.  When in the 1990s the order of the alpha-numerics was switched because model proliferation had rendered the traditional form unsuitable, the "S Class" designation was joined by "C Class", "E Class" etc.  

All US states allow personalized or vanity licence plates although the stipulations (alpha-numeric mix, number of characters) do vary.  Illinois Secret of State Alexi Giannoulias (b 1976) says those in his state seem to “enjoy spotting clever and funny license plates on the road” but that while “Illinoians are known for displaying customized license plates, they have to meet standards of good taste and decency.”  In a typical year, some 60,000 requests for personalized plates are processed by the office of the Secretary of State and in 2024 335 requests were denied because they “included lecherous language or sneaky swearing”.  Each time a combination of letters is rejected, it’s added to the DMV’s database of “banned plates”.  In maintaining this list of “proscribed plates”, the secretary of state's office operates something like the way the Vatican used to handle the matter of blacklisted publications.  Between 1560-1966 the Index Librorum Prohibitorum (Index of Forbidden Books) was an ever-evolving list of written works declared by the now defunct Sacred Congregation of the Index to be blasphemous, heretical or contrary to morality.  All Roman Catholics were forbidden to own, print, distribute, sell or read any work in the index.  Officially, as the ripples of the Second Vatican Council (Vatican II, 1962-1965) washed through the Vatican’s corridors, the index was abolished when in 1966 the Inquisition (by then known as the Holy Office) was re-constituted as Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith but it’s not known if the list of the proscribed continues in secret to be maintained, possibly by some department of the Holy See, the existence of which is not even acknowledged.  For administrative purposes, Illinois distinguishes between a “vanity plate” (up to 3 numerals or up to 7 letters) and a “personalized plate” which can have an alpha-numeric mix (all plates have a 7 character limit and if alpha-numeric, there must be a space between letters & numbers).  A vanity plate costs US$94 upon issue and US$13 annually thereafter while personalized are charged at US $47 & US $7 respectively.

Bismarck class Schlachtschiff (battleship) KMS Tirpitz. 

Vice Admiral Kurt Assmann (1883-1962) had a career at sea before in 1933 being appointed head of the historical section of the Kriegsmarine (German Navy), a division which later became part of Oberkommando der Marine (OKM; the naval high command)).  The books he published in the post-war years are a valuable source of facts and a helpful chronology but much of his analysis about political and naval strategy was criticized on both sides of the Iron Curtain.  His nephew was naval Captain Heinz Assmann (1904—1954) who for a time served on the Bismarck-class battleship KMS Tirpitz and was later attached to Oberkommando der Wehrmacht (OKW; the armed forces high command).  His notable contribution to history was being in the conference room on 20 July 1944 when the bomb (which, as Dr Goebbels put it, originally was placed close to "under Hitler's ass" before being moved to the other side of the table's sturdy socle which meant the force of the blast was directed away from him) intended to kill Hitler exploded.  After recovering from his injuries, he returned to his duties at OKW and was attached to the Flensburg staff of Grand Admiral Karl Dönitz (1891–1980; head of the German Navy 1943-1945, German head of state 1945) when the latter was named in Hitler’s political testament as his successor as head of state, his curious "twilight zone coda" government lasting three weeks.  Captain Assmann subsequently was interviewed by allied investigators seeking fully to understand the chain of events of on the day of the assassination attempt.  Between 1953-1954, he served as a member of the Hamburg Parliament.

The original McDonalds Yass billboard (left) may not have been well designed but as a piece of “brand awareness” it succeeded like no other sign in Australia, images of it widely circulated and appearing often in memes.  When the Yass outlet became a 24/7 operation, the sign was re-designed (centre) to use an initial capital for “Yass” and increasing the distance between the corporate “M” (the so-called “golden arches”) and the town’s name.  That was however too subtle and Australians still got the joke; the memes continued.  Why the problem wasn’t solved by shifting the “M” to right (digitally altered image, right) isn’t known but it may be such a placement would have violated corporate guidelines.

Yass (population 6,763 (2021 census)) is a town in the Australian state of New South Wales (NSW); it sits some 174 miles (280 km) south-west of Sydney and is 37 miles (59 km) from Canberra, the national capital.  The name is believed derived from a word (either Yarrh or Yharr) in the language of the local Ngunawal people meaning “running water”.  Lady Bird Johnson (1912–2007; First Lady of the United States (FLOTUS) 1963-1969) thought the proliferation of roadside billboards an intrusive ugliness and championed the Highway Beautification Act (HBA, 1965) which was intended to control billboards, junkyards, and other unsightly features along federally funded highways while encouraging landscaping and scenic enhancement.  In the way things are done in the US (such things “hammered out” in the Congress in a cocktail of lobbying and campaign donations), over the decades the HBA was “watered down” and its provisions became interpreted with some generosity but, as amended, it remains in effect and without it, there would likely be even more roadside clutter.  The act certainly was effective in screening junkyards visible from highways but despite that, Mrs Johnson on many occasions expressed her disappointment the law did not realise its original intent.  What can be certain is if old Lyndon Johnson (LBJ, 1908–1973; US president (POTUS) 1963-1969) had ever seen the Yass McDonalds sign, he’d have had a good chuckle.

The ass in thought crime

Thou shalt not covet is one of the biblical Ten Commandments (or Decalogue), regarded by most scholars as moral imperatives.  Both Exodus and Deuteronomy describe the commandments as having been spoken by God, inscribed on two stone tablets by the finger of God, and, after Moses shattered the originals, rewritten by God on others.

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s house. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife, or his male or female servant, his ass, or anything that belongs to thy neighbor.

Thy neighbor's ass (pronounced ass).

It differs from the other nine in that while they’re concerned with the actions of sinners, the prohibition on being a coveter is about a sinner's thoughts and thus, an early description of thoughtcrime (a word coined by George Orwell (1903-1950) for his dystopian 1949 novel Nineteen Eighty-Four).  Indeed Matthew (5:28) anticipates Orwell in saying it’s not enough merely to obey the commandment “thou shalt not commit adultery” because “…I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.” (King James Version (KJV, 1611)).  Jimmy Carter (1924-2024; US President 1977-1981) quoted this in his Playboy interview, a statement of presidential probity neither shared nor always adhered to by all his successors and predecessors.  In that context, it should be remembered there's an (unwritten) eleventh commandment: "Thou shall not get caught".

Wolfram & Tungsten

Wolfram (pronounced wool-fruhm or vawl-fruhm)

In chemistry, another name for tungsten.

1750–1760: From the German Wolfram (originally, wolframite), the construct probably Wolf + -ram, representing the Middle High German rām (the Modern German Rahm) (soot, dirt) and formed on the model the proper name, Wolfram.  The speculation is it was used pejoratively of tungsten because it was thought inferior to the point of worthlessness compared with the tin ores with which it is often found and its presence actually diminished the quantity of tin produced through smelting, thus the dismissive term, "wolf-raven".

Tungsten (pronounced tuhng-stuhn)

(1) In chemistry, a rare, metallic element.  Symbol: W; atomic number: 74; atomic weight: 183.85; specific gravity: 19.3 (20°C).

(2)  An alternative name for wolfram.

1780: From the Swedish tungsten (calcium tungstate) (scheelite), the construct being tung (heavy) + sten (stone).  The Swedish tung was from the Old Norse þungr, from the Proto-Germanic þunguz; sten was from the Old Swedish sten, from the Old Norse steinn, from the Proto-Norse ᛊᛏᚨᛁᚾᚨᛉ (stainaz), from the Proto-Germanic stainaz, ultimately from the primitive Indo-European steyhz-.  Tungstenic is the adjectival form.  The word tungsten was coined by Swedish chemist Karl Wilhelm Scheele who first identified the metal in 1780.

Lindsay Lohan wearing a 19mm Cartier Tank Americaine in 18 karat white gold with a quartz movement and a silver guilloche dial with Roman numerals.  The Cartier Tank Americaine is also available in Tungsten.

Highest melting-point

Occurring principally in wolframite and scheelite, tungsten is a hard, gray to white metallic element with a high resistance to corrosion and has the highest melting point of all elements (3410°C ± 20°; boiling point 5,900°C), retaining its strength even at high temperature.  It's was used to increase the hardness and strength of steel used in applications like electrical contact points, X-ray targets, high-speed cutting tools and electric-lamp filaments.  Tungsten's chemical symbol is “W”, drawn from its other name wolfram which comes from wolframite, the element in which it was discovered.  Wolframite means "the devourer of tin" in the disparaging slang of the time because it interferes with the smelting of tin, once considered much more valuable and in its original German form can be translated as “little value”.

Tungsten also has a much older name.  In 1556, German mineralogist and metallurgist Georgius Agricola (1494–1555) discovered a mineral between the tin ore and corroded it completely, leaving a foam.  Due to this characteristic it was said that the tin disappeared as if eaten by a wolf, so this mineral was called wolframite (“wolf foam” or “wolf rahm”, in German).  However, in 1783, Spanish chemist Fausto de Elhuyar (1755–1833) and his brother, chemist and mineralogist Juan José Elhuyar Lubize (1754–1796) discovered the element that formed wolframite was the same that formed tungsten, the difference being they were able to separate the two.

Wedding of Prince Harry (b 1984) and Meghan Markle (b 1981), Saturday 19 May 2018, St George's Chapel, Windsor Castle, London.

The entertaining, if not always reliable (the Friday Times is better), Pakistani site thenews.com.pk in 2021 reported Prince (King since September 2022) Charles (b 1948) had bestowed upon his daughter-in-law Meghan Markle (now “the difficult” Duchess of Sussex) the nickname "tungsten".  Nicknames have long been popular among the British aristocracy and have included such monikers as “duck”, “mule” and “melons” so for the duchess, it could have been worse.  Quite which of the qualities of tungsten Prince Charles had in mind isn’t known so it’s impossible to say whether he was impressed, intrigued or incandescent.  It’s all a matter of which of tungsten’s characteristics moved his thoughts because it (1) has the highest melting point of all metals, (2) is the heaviest metal known to have a biological role (some bacteria using tungsten in an enzyme to reduce carboxylic acids to aldehydes), (3) is strong and durable, (4) is highly resistant to corrosion and (5) has the highest tensile strength of any element.  However, its strength comes when it’s rendered into compounds whereas (6) pure tungsten is very soft.  So it’s hard to say but when told her father was unable to attend, Prince Charles volunteered to walk the bride down the aisle and give her away so there’s that.