Closet

Closet (pronounced kloz-it)

(1) A small room, enclosed recess, cupboard or cabinet for storing clothing, food, utensils etc.

(2) A small private room, especially one used for prayer, meditation etc.

(3) A state or condition of secrecy or carefully guarded privacy.

(4) A clipping of “closet of ease” or “closet of decency” and later “water closet” (WC), early names for the flushing loo (toilet; lavatory; privy with a waste-pipe and means to carry off the discharge by a flush of water).

(5) Of or pertaining to that which is private; secluded or concealed; undertaken unobserved and in isolation.

(6) To shut up in a private room for some purpose.

(7) A private room used by women to groom and dress themselves (obsolete).

(8) A private room used for prayer or other devotions (archaic).

(9) A place of (usually either fanciful or figurative in that typically it referred to the state of thought rather than where it took place) contemplation and theorizing (archaic).

(10) The private residence or private council chamber of a monarch accompanied by a staff establishment (page of the chamber; clerk of the closet etc) and related to the bedchamber (archaic).

(11) In a church, a pew or side-chapel reserved for a monarch or feudal lord (regarded as obsolete but the concept endures in that the order of precedence is often used when seating is allocated for ceremonial events conducted in churches).

(12) In heraldry, an ordinary similar to a bar but half the width.

(13) A sewer (Scots dialectical, now obsolete).

(14) The state of maintaining one's sexual orientation as a secret (“closeted” “in the closet”, “closet case” etc).

1300-1350: From the Middle English closet (a small private room for study or prayer), from the Old French closet (small enclosure, private room), the construct being clos (private space; enclosure) +‎ -et (the suffix used to form diminutives), from the Latin clausum (closed space, enclosure, confinement), the neuter past participle of claudere (to shut).  In French, it tended to be applied to small, open-air enclosures.  The suffix –et was from the Middle English -et, from the Old French –et & its feminine variant -ette, from the Late Latin -ittus (and the other gender forms -itta & -ittum).  It was used to form diminutives, loosely construed.  Some European languages picked up the Old French spelling while others used variations including Czech (klozet) & Spanish (clóset).  Closets can be tiny or fair-sized rooms so the appropriate synonym depends on context and architecture and might include: cabinet, container, locker, room, vault, wardrobe, bin, buffet, depository, receptacle, recess, repository, safe, sideboard, walk-in, ambry, chest of drawers & cold storage.  Closet is a noun, verb & adjective, closeting, closetful & closetry are nouns & verbs, closetlike & closety are adjectives, closeted is a verb & adjective; the noun plural is closets.

The adjective dates from the 1680s in the sense of “private, done in seclusion”, extended by 1782 as "fitted only for scholarly seclusion, not adapted to the conditions of practical life" (ie in the sense of the “ivory tower”).  The meaning "secret, not public, unknown" was first applied to alcoholism in the early 1950s but by the 1970s had come to be used principally (probably exclusively) of homosexuality.  This, and the earlier forms (closet anarchist, closet alcoholic, closet Freemason, closet smoker etc) were all based on the idiomatic “skeleton in the closet” (which existed also as “skeleton in the cupboard”), describing some undisclosed fact which, if revealed would cause reputational damage (or worse) to a person.  Literally, the imagery summoned was of someone with a human corpse secreted in a closet in their house, one which had sat there so long the flesh had decomposed to the bone.  The earliest known appearance in print was in 1816 but it’s not known how long it’d been in oral use and it usually implied culpability for some serious offence though not necessarily anything involving a corpse.

A walk-in closet.  To optimize space utilization, the hangers are very thin and covered with black velvet to ensure no fabrics are marked.  In a well-organized closet, items can be arranged in a number of ways such as color, season or type and some do it by manufacturer, the name of the label printed on rail-tags.

The phrase “come out of the closet” (admit something openly) was first recorded 1963 and the use rapidly became exclusive to homosexuals, lending a new sense to the word “out”.  This meaning itself became nuanced: “To come out” (openly avowing one's homosexuality) emerged as a phrase in the 1960s and was an overtly political statement (obviously different from the earlier “a confessed homosexual”) whereas “outing” and “outed” came to be used in the 1970s to refer to people making the homosexuality of others public knowledge.  Outing became controversial because of the argument (made sometimes by those within the gay community) that it was justified if exposing hypocrisy (usually a conservative politician who publicly condemned homosexuality while in private indulging in the practice).  In Spanish use (most notably in Latin America) the noun clóset is used to refer to the state of being secretly gay (from salir del clóset), the plural being clósets.

Lindsay Lohan in part of her walk-in closet, here choosing what to pack for an appearance at the Cannes Film Festival, May 2014.

The verb closet (shut up as in a closet) was originally usually for purposes of concealment or private consultation and dates from the 1680s.  The water closet (WC and described also in the helpfully descriptive terms “closet of ease” or “closet of decency”) was the ancestor of the familiar modern loo (toilet; lavatory; privy with a waste-pipe and means to carry off the discharge by a flush of water), the term first used in 1755 and later perfected by the famous plumber, Mr Thomas Crapper.  The phrase “walk-in” was used first in the 1890s as a slang term by hotel check-in clerks to refer to those arriving without a reservation (it’s now a standard statistical category in hotels) and by 1928 was used in many forms of commerce to mean “customer who arrived without an appointment”.  The “walk-in closet” was first advertised in the US in 1946 where it described a built-in wardrobe large enough to walk into, (some equipped with mirrors, tables, chairs etc) although, among the rich, such structures had for centuries been in use.

The Gay Bob Doll

Gay Bob; note the man-bag.

There’s evidence that for much of human existence, homosexuality has been at least widely tolerated and often accepted but in the West, under the influence of the Christian churches, it came to attract much disapprobation though even in the nineteenth century there were those who (without much success) campaigned for legislative and social change, the odd self-declared homosexual sometimes urging others to out themselves.  However, it wasn’t until the 1960s that the still embryonic “gay liberation” movement understood that “coming out en masse” was of importance because with critical mass came political influence.  Social attitudes did change and it was perhaps an indication of acceptance that in 2005 the cartoon show South Park could run an episode called Trapped in the Closet in which the Scientologist film star Tom Cruise (b 1962) refuses to come out of a closet (the episode entered industry jargon as “closetgate”).  Not discouraged by the threat of writs, South Park later featured an episode in which the actor worked in a confectionery factory packing fudge and was labelled a “fudge packer”.  Attitudes and legislative changes didn't always move in unison and things unfolded gradually but that process was still incomplete when, in 1977, the Gay Bob doll was released.  There is probably no phrase that better encapsulates gender-role stereotyping than “girls play with dolls and boys play with trucks” though, in the narrow technical sense, boys have long “sort of” had their own dolls because toy soldiers are (in a sense) a “doll” but everybody understands the difference and nobody confuses the two.

Gay Bob in his closet (with accessories and instructions).

That was what made the Gay Bob doll so subversive: it used a form structurally similar to the dolls parents had for generations bought for their daughters but was obviously something different and vested with a political message.  Even today, such a doll might be controversial (certainly in some countries or US states) but in 1977 when Gay Bob was released, the world was a different place.  Interestingly, some critics now argue that while in the West the legislative environment has become more liberal (same-sex marriage now lawful in many jurisdictions) the liberalization in social attitudes achieved in the decades since the mid-1970s have in some regions or sectors of the population reverted.

Clothes and accessories were available, including those for dressing the “gay farmer”.

By 1977, the winds of change clearly were blowing because in that year Harvey Milk (1930–1978; member of the San Francisco Board of Supervisors, 1978) became the first openly gay man elected to public office in California (it’ll never be known how many of his predecessors were closeted).  However, if Milk was out of the closet, Gay Bob was delivered neatly packaged in his own (cardboard) closet, buyers able to “out him” or put him back as circumstances dictated.  Designed as something of a caricature of popular film & television stars of the era, Gay Bob’s creator described the doll as perfect for “…an executive’s desk, dash board ornament, the attaché case, the bathtub rim or a health club gym bag”.  Of course, among the homophobic, Gay Bob could always be repurposed as a voodoo doll upon which unspeakable acts of violence could be visited so that was another niche market.  A notable feature was the doll’s “anatomical correctness”, presumably a sales feature but one that necessitated production being out-sourced to Hong-Kong because US manufacturers declined the contract. 

Gay Bob stepping out of the closet.

Just so there were no misunderstandings, Gay Bob was supplied with a fashion catalogue including an explanation:  Hi boys, girls and grownups, I’m Gay Bob, the world’s first gay doll.  I bet you are wondering why I come packed in a closet. “Coming out of the closet” is an expression which means that you admit the truth about yourself and are no longer ashamed of what you are.  Gay people are no different than straight people.  If everyone came out of their closets, there wouldn’t be so many angry, frustrated, frightened people.  It’s not easy to be honest about what you are, in fact it takes a great deal of courage.  But remember, if Gay Bob has the courage to come out of his closet, so can you! With an attitude like that, one can see why Gay Bob was such a threat. 

Popular since the nineteenth century, mail-order was the on-line shopping of the analogue era.  Lee Harvey Oswald (1939–1963) purchased the rifle (a military surplus 6.5 mm Carcano) he used to assassinate John Kennedy (JFK, 1917–1963; POTUS 1961-1963) via mail-order for US$19.95 plus US$1.50 P&H.

Conservative activists were of course appalled by Gay Bob, his anatomical correctness and threateningly optimistic message, describing it all as “a threat to family values” and more “…evidence of the desperation the homosexual campaign has reached in its effort to put homosexual lifestyle, which is a death style, across to the American people”.  The forces of capitalism either agreed or were unwilling to risk a backlash because attempts have the big department stores stock Gay Bob on their shelves were unsuccessful so the doll was sold via mail order, advertisements placed in gay magazines.  One doll cost US$19.50 (including P&H within the US) while a pair could be purchased at a discounted US$35.00 (and to take advantage of the anatomical correctness, buying a brace would presumably have been in vogue.)  Over 2,000 were sold within months and in liberal cities like New York and San Francisco and while some boutiques would later carry the product, it's unlikely any were seen on shelves south of the Mason-Dixon Line.  Something of a footnote to the LGBTQQIAAOP timeline, Gay Bob is a now a collector’s item, examples in good condition realizing over US$200 at on-line auction sites and those with a pristine, un-violated closet will command a premium.  That's the charming paradox: While Gay Bob existed as part of a movement to make easier “coming out of the closet”, among collectors, the doll is now most valued if Gay Bob remains sealed in.

The other Romish way

In the Closet of the Vatican by Frédéric Martel (b 1967).

The author of In the Closet of the Vatican was what used to be called “a confessed homosexual” and the book was a study of what the publisher described as “an account of corruption and hypocrisy at the heart of the Vatican”.  Blurbs of course rely on punchy phrases but it might have been better to suggest “some of corruption and hypocrisy” because the focus very much was on the matter of the “substantially gay priesthood” within the upper reaches of the Roman Catholic Church and some of the implications of that state, a central thesis being “the greater a prelate’s homophobia, the more likely it is he is gay”  “Behind rigidity there is always something hidden, in many cases a double life” was how Francis (1936-2025; pope 2013-2025) put it.  Remarkably, a large number of priests, bishops and cardinals agreed to be interviewed and while they did discuss topics such as the condemnation of the use of contraceptives, cases of sexual abuse by clergy and the collective misogyny of the priesthood, what emerged also was an amusing picture of an institution beset by internecine squabbles, careerism and Masonic-like plotting and scheming; in other words, within the Vatican’s corridors, things are pretty much the same as institutions everywhere.  It’s an entertaining read and one who emerges as a sympathetic figure is Benedict XVI (1927–2022; pope 2005-2013, pope emeritus 2013-2022), a theologian of pure thought overwhelmed by what he came to realize what his pontificate was confronting; he resigned because he realized not only could he not do what needed to be done but probably it couldn’t be done by anyone and, at least debatably, his successors have “solved” the problem by “doing other things”, taking the view it’s better to achieve small successes somewhere.

Titus Oates in the pillory as a punishment for perjury (1685), engraving by unknown artist.

The notion of the Vatican as “the world’s biggest closet” is of course amusing but the matter of a “network of gay clergy” probably has existed for a thousand years or more although in recent decades it has become better documented and, well before the scale of clerical sex abuse of minors became public knowledge, diaries and memoirs often contained sometimes oblique references to the phenomenon, even Hermann Göring (1893–1946; leading Nazi 1922-1945, Hitler's designated successor & Reichsmarschall 1940-1945) (an unlikely lay-theologian) remarking to one of the prison psychologists at the first Nuremberg Trial (1945-1946) of his impressions of young men and their mentors he’d observed during a visit to a seminary.  Centuries before, Titus Oates (1649-1705), at various times an Anglican and Roman Catholic priest (both offices held through some form of fraud, his life summed up by one historian as: “By birth an Anabaptist, by prudence a clergyman, by profession a perjurer”) had crafted a career as “a part-time religious conspirator and full-time homosexual” that saw him in 1685 sentenced to life imprisonment, the highlight of which was to be “…whipped through the streets of London five days a year for the remainder of his life”.  At least one public whipping was carried out, a diarist noting of one account: “I heard him say that he saw Oates, that discovered the Popish Plot, whipped according to his condemnation most miserably; and as he was hauled up the streets the multitude would much pity him, and would cry to the hangman or he whose office was to whip him, ‘Enough! Strike easy!’  To whom Mr Oates replied, turning his head cheerfully behind him, ‘Not enough! good people, for truth, not enough.’  That showed a certain commitment to the cause but it was the historian John Philipps “J.P.” Kenyon (1927–1996) in The Popish Plot (1973) who had an interesting slant of what was even then clearly the Catholic Church’s “structural closetism”: “The fact that Oates was an active and practising homosexual has always been known, but historians have evaded one obvious conclusion; that this explains the astonishing ease with which he was admitted to certain Catholic circles which one would have supposed barred a disreputable Anglican clergyman with heterodox leanings.”

The Church has a well-know position (some prefer “fudge”) on the subject, the official teaching being an inclination for same-sex attraction is “an objective moral disorder” yet it remains “not a sin to be gay” but it is sinful “if one succumbs and acts on the inclination” (ie you can have your cake but not eat it).  Neatly that encapsulates the advice a potential sinner’s confessor would be compelled to provide: “Stay in the closet my son”.  While not a book of verifiable statistics, Martel does quote the estimate of the pope’s former chief Latinist that “up to 80% of the Vatican staff could be gay” and while (one hopes) that’s impressionistic, such an official might be thought a NRS (normally reliable source) and while “80%” must be treated as “rubbery”, it does hint the real number would be “big”.  Martel’s point of course was the number was significant only in the content of the consequences and hypocrisy inherent in such a cabal administering a church with rigid doctrinal positions on just about anything to do with sex and gender and one gay priest did provide nuance to the “Vatican as a closet” model by suggesting it was more the place being “a honeycomb of closets” in which dozens of groups, factions and alliances all operated with their own secrets and while “everybody knew they had secrets”, they were known only to a few.  Counterintuitively, reaction to the book by the church establishment was one almost of relief because, while the interviews reputedly were extensive, what was published usually stopped short of “naming names” or detailing times and places unless such details were already in the public domain: there were no appendices of incriminating documents or other “smoking guns”.  So, from the Holy See came an almost dismissive “nothing to see here” which probably can be deconstructed as “our lawyers found nothing actionable” but reviewers generally were positive and, while acknowledging the limitations, did commend the word for its breadth of approach and sheer entertainment value although several did grumble about the lack of an index; the most diligent readers will seek the digital version. 

Cabinet

Cabinet (pronounced kab-uh-nit)

(1) A piece of furniture with shelves, drawers etc, for holding or displaying items; a wall cupboard used for storage, as of kitchen utensils or toilet articles; a variety of fixed or movable receptacles for storing stuff.  Historic origin of the trade cabinetmaker (vis-à-vis carpenter) was that cabinets tended to require finer, more precise work.

(2) In the era of big-box televisions and LP records, a piece of furniture containing a turntable or television, usually standing on the floor and often including storage for twelve-inch vinyl records.

(3) An elected or appointed council advising a president, sovereign etc, especially the group of ministers or executives responsible for the government of a nation (often initial capital letter); In the US, an appointed advisory body to the president, consisting of the heads of the (currently) fifteen executive departments of the federal government (often initial capital letter).

(4) A small case with compartments for valuables or other small objects; a small chamber or booth for special use; a private room (obsolete); a room set aside for the exhibition of small works of art or objets d'art (historic and technical use only).

(5) A dry white wine produced in Germany from fully matured grapes without the addition of extra sugar; also called cabinet wine.

(6) A milk shake made with ice cream (mostly used in Rhode Island and southern Massachusetts, US).

(7) In architecture, a type of drafting, designating a method of projection (cabinet projection) in which a three-dimensional object is represented by a drawing (cabinet drawing) having all vertical and horizontal lines drawn to exact scale, with oblique lines reduced to about half scale so as to offset the appearance of distortion.

(8) In printing, a standard paper size, 6×4 inches (150×100mm) or 6½ x 4¼ inches (165×105mm), used for mounting photographs.

(9) In computing, an often compressed file, typically used in the distribution of installation software.  Originally, on compact discs (CD), they emulated the earlier distribution media of floppy diskettes.

1540–1550: The construct was cabin + -et.  From the Middle English cabinet (secret storehouse, treasure chamber; case for valuables), from the Middle French cabinet (small room), diminutive of the Old French cabane (cabin) or cabine (hut, room on a ship) of uncertain origin, but thought perhaps influenced by (or more likely from) the Italian gabinetto (toilet) (masculine, plural gabinetti), diminutive of gabbia, from the Latin cavea (stall, stoop, cage, den for animals).

The original meaning in English was "case for safe-keeping" (of papers, liquor, etc.), gradually shading to mean an actual static piece of furniture which fulfils the same function.  The sense of "a private room where advisers meet" emerged circa 1600 and from that is derived the modern meaning in a political context: "an executive council", a use noted first in the 1640s and thought short for “cabinet council” a phrase in use since the 1620s.  From that it evolved from “the place or room in which the group meets” to mean the group itself.  From the 1670s, it also meant "building or part of a building set aside for the conservation and study of natural specimens, art, antiquities etc."  The suffix –et was from the Middle English -et, from the Old French –et & its feminine variant -ette, from the Late Latin -ittus (and the other gender forms -itta & -ittum).  It was used to form diminutives, loosely construed.

Cabinet government

The cabinet in the sense of an executive body comprising some or all the ministers of a government was so named because, in England, their meetings with the monarch were conducted in a cabinet (in the sense of a small room), the first recorded reference to the institution being Francis Bacon’s mention of a “Cabinet council” in 1605.  Charles I attended "Cabinet Councils" from his accession in 1625 although it wasn’t until 1644 the body first described itself as a "cabinet".  A recognizably modern cabinet system, necessitated by the demands of war, was created between 1916-1918 by UK Prime Minister David Lloyd George (1863–1945; UK prime-minister 1916-1945) who established both a cabinet office and secretariat, this remaining the standard Westminster model, familiar in Australia as the Department of Prime-Minister & Cabinet (PM&C).  The modern slang, “kitchen cabinet” is a smaller group, not always a sub-set exclusively of the cabinet proper, which is ad-hoc and usually the creature of a prime-minister.  Caution needs to be taken also when reading historic documents.  Frederick the Great's father, Frederick William I (1688–1740) (King of Prussia & Elector of Brandenburg 1713-1740), described his system of administration as cabinet government (kabinettsregierung) but his rule was exclusive and autocratic and by “cabinet” he meant that all decisions emanated from the royal closet.  Frederick the Great (Frederick II (1712–1786) (King of Prussian 1740-1786)), no stranger to the closet, followed his father’s example.

Even where a cabinet in the modern sense does exist, cabinet government is an organic process and cannot always be understood by analyzing its structure; the mere existence of a cabinet not of necessity creating government by cabinet.  This is especially true of US governments where the influence of its appointed cabinet varies between and even within administrations but the spectrum exists also in Westminster-style arrangements.  Indeed, in both Australia and the UK, since the trend of “presidential” prime ministers became prevalent in the late post-war years, both parliaments and cabinets are sometimes marginalized, the former by the exercise of executive authority, the latter by the increasing role of advisors and the formation of “kitchen cabinets”.

Cabinet room, Reich Chancellery, Berlin, 1938.

An extreme example was the Third Reich’s cabinet (Die Reichsregierung (originally Reich Cabinet of National Salvation)) which existed between 1933-1945, the Nazis inheriting the cabinet structure from the Weimar Republic (1918-1933).  It wasn’t until the Nuremberg trial when the indictment included the Reich Cabinet as a criminal organization that it became understood the body had met only sporadically after 1934, last gathering on 5 February 1938; Hitler was a dictator who had no taste for cabinet government.  The judges thus held that no declaration of criminality should be made with respect to the Reich Cabinet because (1) after 1931 it had ceased to act as a group or organization and (2) because it comprised so few people they should, where appropriate, be tried as individuals.

Interestingly, despite not having met since 1938, as a bureaucratic institution, the establishments of the offices attached to the cabinet grew greatly after 1938.  In fairness, the demands of an administration in wartime are greater: Winston Churchill (1975-1965; UK prime minister 1940-1945 & 1951-1955) noted with some satisfaction the prime-minister's private office maintained a staff of five when he arrived at Downing Street in 1940 and had grown to over five-hundred at the time of his (un-expected) departure in 1945.  Even the five he found on arrival existed only because of the establishment by David Lloyd George (1863–1945; UK prime-minister 1916-1945) in 1917 of a small staff which no prime-minister had enjoyed since 1841 when Sir Robert Peel (1788–1850; UK prime-minister 1834–1835 & 1841–1846), upon becoming prime minister for a second time, delegated day-to-day oversight of the Treasury to the newly created post of chancellor of the exchequer.  In 1841, the prime-minister had left behind the office and administrative infrastructure of the treasury.  The residue of the old arrangement is that prime-ministers to this day, despite the structural reality, formerly are styled "Prime Minister and First Lord of the Treasury".

The authoritative Into the Gloss deconstructs Lindsay Lohan's bathroom cabinet.

Fudge

Fudge (pronounced fuhj)

(1) A soft candy (sweet) made of sugar, butter, milk (or cream), often including chocolate or nuts.

(2) A polite alternative for “fuck” when used as an expletive (sometimes as “Oh, fudge”).

(3) In euphemistic slang, fecal matter; feces.

(4) In printing, a small stereotype or a few lines of specially prepared type, bearing a newspaper bulletin, for replacing a detachable part of a page plate without the need to re-plate the entire page (often called the “fudge box”).

(5) The bulletin thus printed, often in color.

(6) A machine or attachment for printing such a bulletin.

(7) As a Middle English surname, a diminutive of Fulcher.

(8) Nonsense or foolishness; to talk nonsense (often used as an interjection indicating a mild exclamation of annoyance).  To waffle, equivocate or hedge.

(9) Figuratively, light or frothy nonsense.

(10) To cheat.

(11) To fail to fulfil an obligation (often as “fudged” or fudging”).

(12) To avoid coming to grips with a subject, issue etc; to evade or dodge (often as “fudged” or fudging”); an unsatisfactory compromise reached to evade a difficult problem or controversial issue.

(13) To tamper with, falsify or misrepresent something, in order to produce a desired result or allow leeway for error (often as “a bit of a fudge”).  As a method, in engineering & IT, this is sometimes called the “fudge factor” (a quantity introduced to compensate for uncertainty).

Pre 1750: The verb fudge in the sense of “put together clumsily or dishonestly” may have been in use in the seventeenth century and may have been an alteration of the mid-sixteenth century fadge (make suit, fit), a verb of unknown origin.  In the eighteenth century the verb became associated especially with the language of sailors and it appeared often is ships’ logs.  The romantic story of the etymology of fudge coming to mean “lies! nonsense!” is that there was a certain Captain Fudge, infamous for “always bringing home his owners a good cargo of lies” according to a citation dating from 1700 and published in 1791.  Captain Fudge (a la Donald Trump’s later label for Ted Cruz) was known in the commercial shipping trade as “Lying Fudge”, and it may be his name reinforced this form of fadge in the sense of “contrive without the necessary materials”.  The Middle English surname Fudge was from Fuche, a pet form of the masculine proper name Fulcher, from the Germanic and meaning literally “people-army”.  Fudge is a noun & verb, fudger is a noun, fudged is a verb & adjective, fudgelike & fudgy are adjectives and fudging is a verb; the noun plural is fudges.

The use to describe the candy is mysterious but it certainly emerged in the US in the late nineteenth century and it too may have been linked with fadge (to fit), the idea being that the ingredients “merged together”.  Etymologists note that’s wholly speculative but all agree the sweet treat was first so named in women’s colleges in the US, the earliest known reference being from 1895 and other suggestions for the origin of the use in this context includes the idea of the concoction being “insubstantial” or perhaps the early recipes were “fudged” in the sense they were a product of trial and error, based on the long-time use of “fudge” in schools and colleges to mean a “a made-up story”.  That was a sense-development from Captain Fudge’s lies and “fudgy” stories were those especially implausible or “frothy & insubstantial” and the early form of the candy may have been less dense than the modern recipes produce.  No etymologist appears to support the suggestion there was any connection with “fudging” (ie “breaking or bending”) the dormitory rules in women’s colleges.  Fudge in the 1670s was used to mean “clumsily to contrive” and it’s this use which is thought perhaps an expressive variant of fadge (to fit, agree, do) which was akin to the Middle English feien and the Old English fēgan (to fit together, join, bind).  From this ultimately can be traced the modern uses which relate to “nonsense; fakery etc” but there is the suggestion of a link with the provincial French fuche & feuche (an exclamation of contempt from Low German futsch (begone).  Some sources list fudge as a euphemism for "fuck" but it's really a "polite substitution" because it's an alternative not to a description of the sex act but "fuck" as an expletive (thus "oh fudge", "Fudge!" etc).  Some slang dictionaries have listed fudge in that euphemistic sense but there's scant evidence of use.  

Uranus Fudge Factory, 14400 State Hwy Z, St Robert, Missouri 65584, USA.

In idiomatic use, to fudge something is to alter its true state, usually to conceal or misrepresent something inconvenient or to disguise some flaw but “to fudge” is suggestive of something benign rather than anything dishonest.  The fudge is very much the “white lie” of untruths; one might fudge one’s age or height on Tinder (presumably, other stuff may be fudged on Grindr) and touching-up one’s photograph to look a little better is “fudging it”.  Apparently not widely used in the “G” & “B” factions of the LGBTQQIAAOP community, the various uses of the word based on it being euphemistic slang for fecal matter or feces, are all derogatory.  The “fudge tunnel” is the anus, a “fudge packer” a male homosexual who practices anal sex (either as a top or bottom) and during the act once can be said to be “packing fudge”.  The most infamous use of the gay slur came shortly after “closetgate”, controversy which ensued after the 2005 South Park episode Trapped in the Closet, a parody of the Church of Scientology in which the Scientologist film star Tom Cruise (b 1962) refuses to come out of a closet.  Not discouraged by the threat of writs, South Park later featured an episode in which the actor worked in a confectionery factory, as a fudge packer, packing fudge into cardboard cartons.

The BBC’s Dark Chocolate Fudge

Ingredients

300ml whole milk
350g caster sugar
100g unsalted butter
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
100g dark chocolate, chopped
Optional toppings: chopped nuts, toffee pieces, mini chocolate buttons.

Method

(1) Line 180-200 mm (7-8 inch) square tin with greaseproof paper.

(2) Put the milk, sugar and butter in a heavy-based saucepan.  Heat gently, stirring continuously with a wooden spoon, until the sugar has dissolved and the butter has melted (should take about 7 minutes).

(3) Bring to the boil for 15-22 minutes, stirring the whole time.  The mixture will bubble up and when it does, remove from the heat and keep stirring it until it sinks back down. Then return it to the heat, repeating the process if necessary.

(4) Start to take the temperature after about 15 minutes (but continue to stir or the mix will burn on the bottom).  The time it takes to come up to temperature will vary, depending on ambient conditions.  Once it reaches 115^oC (240^oF) as measured by a probe) remove from the heat and stir in the vanilla extract and a generous pinch of sea salt.  Leave the mix to cool for 5 minutes.

(5) Vigorously stir in the chopped chocolate and keep stirring until the chocolate has melted (initially it will split but keep stirring and it will come back together).  Quickly pour the mixture into the prepared tin, leaving it to set at room temperature.

(6) When the fudge has cooled to the point of being warm (rather than hot), the optional toppings (nuts, toffees, mini chocolate buttons etc) may carefully be place or scattered according to preference; gently press into the fudge until they stick.  The reason this can’t be done while the fudge is hot is the toppings will be prone to melting.  Once set, cut the fudge into small pieces and store in a sealed container.

Dark chocolate fudge (left) and Mamie Eisenhower's Chocolate Fudge (Million Dollar Fudge) (right). 

For those who prefer something sweeter, the classic choice is Mamie Eisenhower's (1896-1979) Chocolate Fudge, the recipe made famous by the First Lady of Dwight Eisenhower (1890-1969; US president 1953-1961).  One of the few things about which Republicans and Democrats now agree is the creamy and sweet concoction is a fine thing and the recipe has a long history in the US as “Million Dollar Fudge” although despite the connotations in that, it’s attraction was it was quick and easy to prepare and the ingredients were readily available in any corner store in the country.

Getting fudged: Lindsay Lohan before (left) and after (right) the application of fudge.  Such results are not possible with all hair types but this does illustrate what fudge can achieve. 

Hair styling products (collectively called “product”) like fudge, wax, mousse, and gel are all used as a final finish to a hairstyle but serve different purposes, providing various levels of texture, hold and shine and the choice of which to use is dictated by the critical variables of hair length, thickness and the effect desired.  Fudge is thick & creamy to ensure a strong hold is achieved and it’s noted for providing a matte finish.  Fudge is ideal for defined, structured styles which need to remain in place and can work with short hair to achieve a look which is severe without being too spiky.  For the spiky look, the product of choice is either wax or gel.  Wax is thick and sticky product and can be hard to work with but does offer a medium to strong hold and (if properly applied), a natural finish.  Wax has the advantage of being versatile and can be used for a wide range of styles and is the best product for creating texture and separation in short to medium-length hair, especially if a textured, tousled look is desired; many hairdressers will use only wax when creating a JBF.  Gel is a thick, viscous substance which is the go-to product fort slicked-back or spiky styles where the need is for sleek, polished or wet-look hair which needs the maximum hold and control.  If someone’s hair looks like a helmet, that look has probably been attained with gel.  Mousse is different.  It’s lightweight, foamy and essentially allows a framework to be built-into the hair, adding volume although it provides only a light to medium hold and can’t withstand threats like strong breezes.  Mousse is good at adding body and bounce and, if well done, the increase in functional volume can be extraordinary and the dramatic styles applied to some models for static photo-shoots are usually mousse-heavy and despite the appearance, mousse usually leaves a soft, touchable finish.

Gate

Gate (pronunced geyt)

(1) A movable barrier, usually on hinges, closing an opening in a fence, wall, or other enclosure.

(2) An opening permitting passage through an enclosure.

(3) A tower, architectural setting, etc., for defending or adorning such an opening or for providing a monumental entrance to a street, park etc.

(4) Any means of access or entrance.

(5) A mountain pass.

(6) Any movable barrier, as at a tollbooth or a road or railroad crossing.

(7) A sliding barrier for regulating the passage of water, steam, or the like, as in a dam or pipe; valve.

(8) In skiing, an obstacle in a slalom race, consisting of two upright poles anchored in the snow a certain distance apart.

(9) The total number of persons who pay for admission to an athletic contest, a performance, an exhibition or the total revenue from such admissions.

(10) In cell biology, a temporary channel in a cell membrane through which substances diffuse into or out of a cell; in flow cytometry, a line separating particle type-clusters on two-dimensional dot plots.

(11) A sash or frame for a saw or gang of saws.

(12) In metallurgy, (1) a channel or opening in a mold through which molten metal is poured into the mold cavity (also called ingate) or (2), the waste metal left in such a channel after hardening; (written also as geat and git).

(13) In electronics, a signal that makes an electronic circuit operative or inoperative either for a certain time interval or until another signal is received, also called logic gate; a circuit with one output that is activated only by certain combinations of two or more inputs.

(14) In historic British university use, to punish by confining to the college grounds (largely archaic).

(15) In Scots and northern English use, a habitual manner or way of acting (largely archaic).

(16) A path (largely archaic but endures in historic references).

(17) As a suffix (-gate), a combining form extracted from Watergate, occurring as the final element in journalistic coinages, usually nonce words, that name scandals resulting from concealed crime or other alleged improprieties in government or business.

(18) In cricket, the gap between a batsman's bat and pad, used usually as “bowled through the gate”.

(19) In computing and electronics, a logical pathway made up of switches which turn on or off; the controlling terminal of a field effect transistor (FET).

(20) In airport or seaport design, a (usually numerically differentiated) passageway or assembly point with a physical door or gate through which passengers embark or disembark.

(21) In a lock tumbler, the opening for the stump of the bolt to pass through or into.

(22) In pre-digital cinematography, a mechanism, in a film camera and projector, that holds each frame momentarily stationary behind the aperture.

(23) A tally mark consisting of four vertical bars crossed by a diagonal, representing a count of five.

Pre 900:  From the Middle English gate, gat, ȝate & ȝeat, from the Old English gæt, gat & ġeat (a gate, door), from the Proto-Germanic gatą (hole, opening).  It was cognate with the Low German and Dutch gat (hole or breach), the Low German Gatt, gat & Gööt, the Old Norse gata (path) and was related to the Old High German gazza (road, street).  Yate was a dialectical form which was an alternative spelling until the seventeenth century; the plural is gates.  Many European languages picked up variations of the Old Norse to describe both paths and what is now understood as a gate.  The Old English geat (plural geatu) was used to mean "gate, door, opening, passage, hinged framework barrier", as was Proto-Germanic gatan, and the Dutch gat; in Modern German, it emerged as gasse meaning “street”; the Finnish katu, and the Lettish gatua (street) are Germanic loan-words.  Interestingly, scholars trace the ultimate source as the Primitive European ǵed (to defecate).  The meaning "money from selling tickets" dates from 1896, a contraction of 1820’s gate-money.  The first reference to uninvited gate-crashers is from 1927 and gated community appears in 1989; that was Emerald Bay, Laguna Beach, California although conceptually similar defensive structures had for millennia been built in many places.  Gate is a noun & verb, gated is a verb & adjective, dating is a noun & verb and gatelike is an adjective; the noun plural is gates.

G Gordon Liddy (1930–2021) was the CREEP lawyer convicted of conspiracy, burglary, and illegal wiretapping for his role in the Watergate Affair.  Receiving a 20-year sentence, he served over four, paroled after Jimmy Carter (b 1924; POTUS 1977-1981) commuted the term to eight years.  He was one of the great characters of the affair.

The practice of using -gate as a suffix appended to a word to indicate a "scandal involving," is a use abstracted from Watergate, the building complex in Washington DC, which, in 1972, housed the national headquarters of the Democratic Party.  On 17 June, it was burgled by operatives found later to be associated with Richard Nixon's (1913-1994; VPOTUS 1953-1961 & POTUS 1969-1974) CREEP (Campaign to Re-elect the President committee).  Since Watergate, there have been at least dozens of –gates.

Notable Post-Watergate Gates

Billygate: In 1980, US President Jimmy Carter's brother, Billy (1937-1988), was found to have represented the Libyan government as a foreign agent.  Cynics noted that, unlike his brother, Billy at least had a foreign policy.

Crooked Hillary Clinton (b 1947; US secretary of state 2009-2013) has provided the lexicon many "-gates".  A marvellous linguistic coincidence gave us Whitewatergate, a confusing package of real estate deals later found technically to be lawful and Futuregate was a reference to some still inexplicable (and profitable) dabbles in her name in the futures markets.  Servergate was the mail server affair which featured mutually contradictory defenses to various allegations, the Benghazi affair and more.  There was also a minor matter but one which remains emblematic of character.  Crooked Hillary Clinton, after years of fudging, was forced to admit she “misspoke” when claiming that to avoid sniper-fire, she and her entourage “…just ran with our heads down to get into the vehicles to get to our base” when landing at a Bosnian airport in 1996.  She admitted she “misspoke” only after a video was released of her walking down the airplane’s stairs to be greeted by a little girl who presented her with a bouquet of flowers.  Even her admission was constructed with weasel words: “…if I misspoke, that was just a misstatement”.  That seemed to clear things up and the matter is now recorded in the long history of crooked Hillary Clinton's untruthfulness as Snipergate.  Most bizarre was Pizzagate, a conspiracy theory that circulated during the 2016 US presidential campaign, sparked by WikiLeaks publishing a tranche of emails from within the Democrat Party machine.  According to some, encoded in the text of the emails was a series of messages between highly-placed members of the party who were involved in a pedophile ring, even detailing crooked Hillary Clinton’s part in the ritualistic sexual abuse of children in the basement of a certain pizzeria in Washington DC.  Among the Hillarygates, pizzagate was unusual in that she was innocent of every allegation made; not even the pizzeria's basement existed.

Closetgate: References the controversy following the 2005 South Park episode "Trapped in the Closet", a parody of the Church of Scientology in which Scientologist film star Tom Cruise (b 1962) refuses to come out of a closet.  Not discouraged by the threat of writs, South Park later featured an episode in which the actor worked in a confectionery factory packing fudge. 

Grangegate: In Australia in 2014, while giving evidence to the state's Independent Commission against Corruption (ICAC), Barry O'Farrell (b 1959; Premier of New South Wales 2011-2014) forgot he’d been given a Aus$3,000 bottle of Penfolds Grange (which he drank without disclosing the gift as the rules required).  He felt compelled to resign.

Perhaps counterintuitively, a lacuna in the history is there seems never to have been a Lindsaygate or Lohangate.  In that sense, Lindsay Lohan may be said to have lived a scandal-free life.

Irangate: Sometimes called contragate, this was the big scandal of Ronald Reagan's (1911-2004; POTUS 1981-1989) second term.  As a back channel operation, the administration had sold weapons to the Islamic Republic of Iran and diverted the profits to fund the Contra rebels opposing the Sandinista government of Nicaragua (Congress had earlier cut the funding).

Nipplegate: Sometimes called boobgate, this was a reaction to singer Janet Jackson’s (b 1966) description of what happened at the conclusion of her 2004 Superbowl performance as a “wardrobe malfunction”.  In Europe, they just didn't get what all the fuss was about.

Monicagate: The most celebrated scandal of President Bill Clinton’s (b 1946; POTUS 1993-2001) second term.  Named after White House intern Monica Lewinsky (b 1973), with whom the president “…did not have sexual relations…”.

1973 Pontiac Trans-Am SD-455.

Dieselgate: In 2015, Volkswagen was caught cheating on emissions tests used to certify for sale some eleven-million VW diesel vehicles by programming them to enable emissions controls during testing, but not during real-world driving.  Manufacturers had been known to do this.  In 1973 Pontiac tried to certify their SD-455 (Super Duty)  engine with a not dissimilar trick but the EPA (Environmental Protection Authority) wasn't fooled which is why the production SD-455 was rated at 290 HP (horsepower) rather than 310.  Later, manufacturers in the Fourth Reich turned out to be just as guilty and, in that handy phrase from German historiography "they all knew".  Including the fines thus far levied, legal fees and the costs associated with product recalls, the affair is estimated so far to have cost VW some US$33 billion but the full accounting won't be complete for some time.  Other German manufacturers were also affected but Daimler (maker of Mercedes-Benz) avoided a penalty by snitching on the others. 

In Australia, Utegate was a 2009 campaign run by opposition leader Malcolm Turnbull (b 1954; prime-minister of Australia 2015-2018) and his then (they're no longer on speaking terms) henchman, Eric Abetz (b 1958, Liberal Party senator for Tasmania, Australia 1994-2022), in which Dr Kevin Rudd (b 1957; Australian prime-minister 2007-2010 & 2013) was accused of receiving a backhander (a gift given in secret in exchange for a favor) from a car dealer, the matters in question revolving around an old and battered ute (pick-up).  Based on documents forged by Treasury official Godwin Grech (b 1967), it led to the (first) downfall of Turnbull.  Abetz for a time went on to bigger things but Turnbull neither forgot nor forgave, sacking Abetz during his second coming (which started well but ended badly).  Abetz however proved he still has the numbers which matter, gaining preselection and in 2024 winning a seat in the Tasmanian Legislative Assembly (the state's lower house).  He now serves as Treasurer as leader of the house in the minority Liberal Party government.  

Object of desire: Nutella.

The first Nutellagate arose at Columbia University early in 2013 with allegations of organized, large-scale theft by students of the Nutella provided in the dining halls. Apparently students, unable to resist the temptation of the newly available nutty spread, were (1) consuming vast quantities, (2) pilfering it using containers secreted in back-packs and (3) actually purloining entire jars from the tables.  In the spirit of the investigative journalism which ultimately brought down Richard Nixon, the Columbia Daily Spectator, breaking the story, reported that based on a leak from their deep throat in the catering department, the crime was costing some US$5,000 per week, the hungry students said ravenously to be munching their way through around 100 pounds (37 or 45 KG (deep throat not specific whether the losses were weighed on the avoirdupois or troy scale)) of Nutella every seven days.  The newspaper noted the heist was on such a scale that, unless addressed, the cost to the university would be US$250,000 a year, enough to buy seven jars for every undergraduate student.

The national media picked up the story noting, apart from the criminality, there were concerns about the relationship between the wastage of food, excessively expensive student services, the exorbitant cost of tuition fees and a rampant consumer culture.  It seemed a minor moral panic might ensue until the student newspaper (now a blog) deconstructed the Spectator’s numbers and worked out the caterers must be paying 70% more for Nutella than that quoted by local wholesalers, casting some doubt on the matter.  The university authorities responded within days, issuing a press release headed “Nutellagate Exposed: It's a Smear!"  Their audit revealed that the accounting system had booked US$2,500 against Nutella purchases in the first week of term but that was the usual practice when stocking inventory and that consumption was around the budgeted US$450 in subsequent weeks.  Deep throat (Nutella edition) lost face and was discredited.

Nutellagate II broke in 2017 when a consumer protection organization released a report noting the recipe had, without warning, been changed, the spread now having more sugar and milk powder but less cocoa and, as a result, was now of a lighter hue.  Ferrero’s crisis-management operative responded on twitter, tweeting “our recipe underwent a fine-tuning and continues to deliver the Nutella fans know and love with high quality ingredients,”… adding “…sugar, like other ingredients, can be enjoyed in moderation as part of a balanced diet.”  #Nutellagate soon trended ox X (the known as Twitter) and users expressed displeasure, many invoking the memory of New Coke or the IBM PS/2, two other products which appeared also to try to fix something not broken.  The twitterstorm soon subsided, the speculation being that, because it contained more sugar, consumers would become more addicted and soon forget the fuss.  So it proved, sales remaining strong.  Nutella though remains controversial because of the sugar content and the use of palm oil, a product harvested from vast monocultural plantations and associated with social and environmental damage.  Ferrero has now and again suggested they may be ceasing production but the user base has proved resistant although, movements in the hazelnut price may test the elasticity of demand.

Open-Gate Ferraris

The much admired but now almost extinct open-gate gear-shifters were originally purely functional before becoming fetishized.  At a time when more primitive transmissions and shifter assemblies were built with linkages and cables operating with rather less precision than would later be achieved, open-gates served as a guidance mechanism, making the throws more uniform and ensuring the correct movement of the controlling lever.  Improvements in design made open-gates redundant by at least the 1950s but they'd become so associated with Ferraris, Lamborghinis and such they become part of aesthetic so, given the expectations of buyers and it wasn't hard to persuade the engineers to persist, even though the things had descended to be matters purely of style.  A gimmick they may have become but, cut from stainless steel and often secured with exposed screw-heads, they were among the coolest of nostalgia pieces.  Reality eventually bit when modern, fast electronics meant automatic transmissions both shifted faster and were programmed always to change ratios at the optimal point and no driver, however skilled, could match that combination.  Conceived originally as a means to the end (quick, clean shifts), by the late 1990s, the open-gate had become an impediment to the means and while there were still a few who relished the clicky, tactile experience, such folk were slowly dying off and with sales in rapid decline, manufacturers became increasingly unwilling to indulge them with what had become a low-volume, unprofitable option.  

Not all the Ferraris with manual gearboxes used the open-gate fitting, some of the grand-touring cars fitted with a concealing leather boot but both for years became relics, the factory in 2014 officially retiring the manual gearbox because of a lack of demand.  The 599 GTB Fiorano (2006-2012) included the option but of the 3200-odd made, only 30 buyers specified the manual.  That run of 30 was however mass-production compared with the California (2009-2014), the first Ferrari equipped with a dual-clutch transmission and the last a "true" manual, ending the tradition of open gate-shifters stretched back 65 years. Testing the market, a six-speed manual option had been added to the hard-top convertible in 2010 and the market spoke, the factory dropping it from the order sheet in 2012 after selling just three cars in three seasons.  The rarity has however created collectables; on the rare occasions an open gate 599 or California is offered at auction, they attract quite a premium and there's now an after-market converting Ferraris to open gate manuals.  It's said to cost up to US$40,000 depending on the model and, predictably, the most highly regarded are those converted using "verified factory parts".

2012 Ferrari California (top) and 2012 Cadillac CTS-V sedan.

So, between 2013 and 2026, at Maranello, it was automatics (technically “automated manual transmission”) all the way and although a consequence of the quest for ultimate performance, it became the factory's dictate only because that was the path to profit; Ferrari is just another business and had customer demand existed at a sustainable level, manual transmissions would continued to have been supplied.  However, while there may not have been all that many cross-shoppers, for those looking for an alternative; between 2013 and 2026, although one could not buy a Ferrari with a clutch pedal, one could in a Cadillac showroom find cars so-configured (even in station wagons!).  For most of the second half of the twentieth century, few would have thought that juxtaposition anything but improbable or unthinkable.

Ferrari open-gate porn; clockwise from top left: 1971 365 GTB/4; 1968 275 GTB/4 NART Spider; 1965 250 LM; 1984 512 BB; 1995 F50; 1967 330 GTC; 2012 Californian; 1991 Mondial-T.

Ferrari by 1976 had begun to flirt with automatic transmissions in their road cars (GM’s famously robust Turbo-Hydramatic 400) but until 2004, Cadillac hadn’t needed the clutch pedal apparatus in their factories since the last "Commercial Chassis" (used for hearses, ambulances and such) version of the 1953 Series 75 (among the Cadillac crowd the Cimarron (1982-1988) is never spoken of except obliquely in phrases like “the unpleasantness of 1982”).  However, by the early twenty-first century, the market for the cars Cadillac had perfected was shrinking fast so, noting the success of Mercedes-AMG and the M-Series BMWs, Cadillac entered the fray and the existence of the Chevrolet Corvette’s transmission in the corporate parts bin meant offering a manual gearbox was financially viable in a way it wasn’t for the Germans.  In the same decade, advances in hydraulics and electronics meant the earlier inefficiencies and technical disadvantages attached to automatic transmissions had been overcome to the point where no car with a manual transmission, however expertly driven, could match their performance, thus Detroit and Maranello choosing to tread different paths.  The Cadillac Blackwing offered the nostalgic experience from the factory and despite engineers admitting the slight performance penalty, buyers choose the manual purely for the pleasure and genuinely the experience was enjoyable and nothing like the old, palm-bruising Muncie M22 “rock crusher” once used in big block Chevrolets.

2026 Ferrari Luce.  This was not a meme poking fun at the thing; this was an official factory promotional shot.

As early as 2024, rumors circulated hinting Ferrari might "revive" the manual gearbox as a niche option, probably on a model with the V6 engine because the torque and power generated by modern V8s & V12s would put too much strain on the clutch but, surprising many, in 2026, Ferrari announced there would be a run of 1,499 versions of the 12Cilindri (2024-) with an eight-speed, open-gate "manuale" gearbox although the semantics of the press release did demand study, the transmission not a traditional, old-style device but one of the modern "automated manuals" with some clever engineering and software to emulate the experience (the gated “manueale mode” limited to controlling six of the eight installed ratios).  Being Ferrari, few were surprised to learn the model (and it was a separate model rather than an option) incurred a US$400,500 premium over the “standard” coupé but what attracted comments was the wry observation of a few the open gate's return was Ferrari’s “act of atonement” for having released the Luce, a five-door(!) EV (electric vehicle) that looked something like a large jellybean with wheels.  Usually, the announcement of a Ferrari rated at 1035 HP (horsepower) would have met general approval but while most might have forgiven the extra doors, few seemed able to overlook the Luce’s “ugliness”.

2026 Ferrari 12Cilindri Manuale.  To ensure people outside knew the extra US$400K had been paid, the Manuale editions included some detail differences (wheels, external cladding etc).

While, in the 80-odd years of the company’s existence, some Ferraris have been less attractive than others, none have ever really been “ugly” (although some coachbuilders did manage the feat) until the blob-like Luce was shown and whether a “faux open-gate manual”, however cleverly engineered, will be a sufficient act of atonement remains to be seen but the very existence of the latter is an interesting example of “the customer is always right”.  For more than a decade, Ferrari’s position has been leaving gear-changes to humans is a bad idea because it’s less efficient and thus produces a “slower car”.  As a “fast car” operation, an element in the marque’s mystique is that things always are done n a way that maximizes performance, thus the clumsy clutch pedal and open-gate shifter being banished; those “improvements” were just another “specific efficiency”.  With bigger engines (the V12 now 6.5 litres) generating prodigious power and torque, the engineers doubtless welcomed the change because it would be no easy task to create a clutch reliably able to handle the output if operated by a human.  Still, whatever might be the motivations (on both the supply & demand sides), it had become clear demand there was for at least a niche model with an old-style open-gate assembly, thus the 1,499, US$1.2 million 12Cilindris and the model is a well-executed piece.  While not all recent "retros" have visually been so accomplished, there were in the 12Cilindri enough cues from the old 365 GTB/4 (Daytona, 1968-1973) for the effect to be achieved without becoming labored.

Knob semiotics.

While that seems expensive, the things would have been more costly still had a traditional gearbox & clutch been used; apparently, no unit currently available was suitable so either something would need to have been “beefed-up” or a device developed from scratch.  So, what was done was use the 12Cilindri’s eight-speed transmission, onto which was “bolted” some “shift-by-wire” technology (the mechanism a mix of physical connections, hydraulics, electronics and software) engineered to emulate the look, feel & sound (the latter a vital aspect) of the old ways.  Although computer simulations were of course involved, there was also literal, “hands on” development, engineered using an old Ferrari 599 six-speed assembly as a benchmark, the design-brief for the new system being to as closely as possible transmit to a driver the feel (and sound) of springs, cogs, rollers & cams moving by a manipulation of the shifter, just as in days gone by.  Curiously, what turned out to be an even greater challenge was the clutch, that simulacrum achieved with the use of a hydraulic reservoir, permitting the “progressive bite” of the plate to be transmitted through pedal to foot.  That also had the benefit of putting a “fluid cushion” between mechanism and driver, Ferrari claiming this meant even the “roughest handling” would be unable to inflict harm on the components and conveniently, the car can be driven in either an automatic or manual mode and testers were complementary of the latter, claiming the action was even more refined than the “real thing” once had been.  Although a gimmick, one nice touch was  that in “Manuale mode”, the knob’s face switches from white to amber.

Recent experience suggests Ferrari will not only find 1,499 buyers prepared to pay the US$1.2 million invoice but the offer likely will be over-subscribed, thus the announcement the “Manuale” will be sold only to customers in good standing with the factory (those who already own several Ferraris and at least one of the earlier “special editions”).  The approach (adopted also by several other manufacturers of high-priced stuff) has created a genuinely new market segment: series production cars bought not to drive but to keep in collections and re-sold for profit, a kind of “Ferrari futures”.  The phenomenon has existed for a while but in years gone by once was serviced by bespoke one-offs or those produced in tiny runs; cars as instant “collectable commodities” despite being made in hundreds or even thousands is new and that such a market exists at this global scale need to be considered in the context of the protests staged in French cities in October 2026.  Those protests were about the “cost of living crisis”, shortage and affordability of housing, crumbling public infrastructure, declining education standards, dismal employment prospects and other pressures.  That annually there are thousands of customers for million dollar Ferraris, Lamborghinis, Porsches and such while simultaneously what used to be called the “working class” have been reduced to low-paid, insecure employment and high rents is because in recent decades there has been an extraordinary shift in the percentage of global wealth held by a tiny number of the population (the so-called “1%” although the number involved is more like 5-10%).  Because this 10% like to get richer, those investing their money apply it to sectors offering the best return and in recent decades that has been residential housing.

1970 Ferrari 365 GTB/4; the 12Cilindri's stylistic ancestor.

What this has done is increase asset prices meaning rents must also rise.  With incomes for renters being effectively static or (in “real terms”) falling, the percentage they need to spend just for “a roof over their head” has risen dramatically and this at a time when food and energy costs have also increased.  Historically, renters were able to adapt by entering the property market but many are now “priced out” of ownership and nor are governments able to respond as once was possible. With Western governments heavily in debt, borrowing costs rising and it being just “too hard” to tax the rich (their "taxable income" something of a gestural in-joke and their wealth politically ring-fenced) or corporations, the already embedded income & wealth inequalities in societies seem likely to be exacerbated.  Politicians understand they can't fix the problem and are well-aware of their likely fate should they try to re-distribute even a fraction of 1% of wealth down rather than up (the on-going trend).  Some though are better than others at “managing the problem” and in Australia, whenever the issue is raised, with confected empathy the politician's script is: “We know people are doing it tough”.  That dutifully done, they go back to studying their property portfolio, fretting about some of the rents they're charging not being quite at “market rates”.

Nye Bevan (1897-1960) and Jenni Lee (1904-1988), shortly after their wedding, London, 1934.

For twenty-first century politicians, the “problem” is not the substantive issue but that they're being asked tiresome questions about it.  Of course, the “business as usual”  approach (tax the middle class) may yet have some life but while so much attention is focused on the US mid-terms, it may be the success in Serbia of the “Student List” proves more influential.  In his book In Place of Fear (1952), the Welsh Labour Party politician Aneurin “Nye” Bevan (1897–1960) pondered: “How can wealth persuade poverty to use its political freedom to keep wealth in power? Here lies the whole art of Conservative politics in the twentieth century.”  As political parties came to understand, it was possible to convince the poor to vote against their own economic interests if the “culture wars” dangled before their eyes could be made to seem enough of a threat, thus the weaponization in the US of guns, God, pickup trucks, trans rights, abortion, gay marriage and much else.  For decades that approach has allowed the ruling class to retain control but the system depended on the poor having just enough to survive; if a critical mass falls between that threshold for even a few days, the system becomes unstable and at some point (lower in the West than in places like the Islamic Republic of Iran), not even state-sanctioned violence will be sufficient to contain the pressure.

The high-end manufacturers however continue to plan on the basis the revolution should at least for a while be postponed and richest of the 10% will continue conspicuously to consume, hopefully in the most Veblenesque way.  For some of them, few things better convey a “price tag on four wheels” than a bespoke multi-million dollar Porsche, the attraction being even other billionaires can’t buy one because the factory is prepared to accept commissions with a contractually guaranteed exclusivity clause (the prized “one of one”).  Porsche’s Sonderwunsch (special wishes) division has existed since 1978 as the factory’s “customizing house” but the operation has assumed a new importance as the company (along with the rest of the Germany car industry) has seen balance sheets soaked in red ink as the simultaneous challenges of US tariffs, rising costs, shifting markets and electrification conspire against what have for decades been profitable business models.  Porsche has flagged what the Americans used to call an “agonizing reappraisal” of how things are done and it’s clear the days of wide model ranges straddling market segments can’t in the present (and anticipated) environment be sustained, the new strategy being fewer cars with higher margins, built in a factory by smaller labor force likely further to shrink as robotics and AI (artificial intelligence) agents are refined to achieve “more for less”.  The project is serious; whereas not long ago a million dollar car represented the ultimate expression of such things, the new Sonderwunsch range of bespoke creations start at US$2 million with the most expensive an accountant-pleasing US$15 million and if (as is expected) the things quickly sell out, there’s no reason to suspect prices won’t go higher; indeed, economic theory dictates exactly that.

Factory publicity shot of Porsche Sonderwunsch Flachbau (Slant Nose) RS, a 935-inspired 911 (991.2) GT2 RS commissioned by a customer on the basis of a “one of one” build.  Neither the invoiced cost nor the identity of the customer were disclosed and while consumption will continue, after Luigi Mangione’s (b 1998) practical critique of the excesses of capitalism, there may for a while be a trend to be a little less conspicuous.

The decades of success enjoyed by Sonderwunsch (and similar ventures by other European manufacturers) indicate the concept in not new; the origins lie in the 1960s when, for a variety of reasons, most independent coach-building houses closed and a once-flourishing industry almost vanished.  That meant the supply of “custom-built” cars tightened but residual demand still existed so such things came to be taken “in-house”, something possible because of economies of scale not available to independent operators.  Sonderwunsch however enjoys its own economies of scale in that while their most expensive creations are aimed at the billionaires, they’ll continue to cater to millionaires who will have to be content with “rarities” produced in small runs rather than having something truly bespoke and the “moving upmarket” flavour seems to be spreading to Porsche’s whole output, a new top-of-the-range 911 expected soon to be announced and while the details are vague, what can be assumed is a higher than average chunk of the increased price will be absorbed in the profit margin.  Around the world, the phrase “cost of living crisis” has become part of the political narrative but because “the rich are different”, they have a “cost of spending crisis” in that what’s needed are amusing ways to display wealth to each-other (mansions, yachts, trips into low-earth orbit etc).  Many in this group understand a decent car can't now be bought for less than US$2 million and for them, Sonderwunsch's sales staff will be there to help.