Chair

Chair (pronounced cherr)

(1) A seat, especially if designed for one person, usually with four legs (though other designs are not uncommon) for support and a rest for the back, sometimes with rests for the arms (as distinct from a sofa, stool, bench etc).

(2) Something which serves as a chair or provides chair-like support (often used in of specialized medical devices) and coined as required (chairlift, sedan chair, wheelchair etc).

(3) A seat of office or authority; a position of authority such as a judge.

(4) In academic use, a descriptor of a professorship.

(5) The person occupying a seat of office, especially the chairperson (the nominally gendered term “chairman” sometimes still used, even of female or non-defined chairs).

(6) In an orchestra, the position of a player, assigned by rank (1^st chair, 2^nd chair etc).

(7) In informal use, an ellipsis of electric chair (often in the phrase “Got the chair” (ie received a death sentence)).

(8) In structural engineering, the device used in reinforced-concrete construction to maintain the position of reinforcing rods or strands during the pouring operation.

(9) In glass-blowing, a glassmaker's bench having extended arms on which a blowpipe is rolled in shaping glass.

(10) In railroad construction, a metal block for supporting a rail and securing it to a crosstie or the like (mostly UK).

(11) To place or seat in a chair.

(12) To install in office.

(13) To preside over a committee, board, tribunal etc or some ad hoc gathering; to act as a chairperson.

(14) To carry someone aloft in a sitting position after a triumph or great achievement (mostly UK and performed after victories in sport).

(15) In chemistry, one of two possible conformers of cyclohexane rings (the other being boat), shaped roughly like a chair.

(16) A vehicle for one person; either a sedan chair borne upon poles, or a two-wheeled carriage drawn by one horse (also called a gig) (now rare).

(17) To award a chair to the winning poet at an eisteddfod (exclusive to Wales).

1250-1300: From the Middle English chayer, chaire, chaiere, chaere, chayre & chayere, from the Old French chaiere & chaere (chair, seat, throne), from the Latin cathedra (seat), from the Ancient Greek καθέδρα (kathédra), the construct being κατά (katá) (down) + ἕδρα (hédra) (seat).  It displaced the native stool and settle, which shifted to specific meanings.  The twelfth century modern French chaire (pulpit, throne) in the sixteenth century separated in meaning when the more furniture came to be known as a chaise (chair).  Chair is a noun & verb and chaired & chairing are verbs; the noun plural is chairs.

The figurative sense of "seat of office or authority" emerged at the turn of the fourteenth century and originally was used of professors & bishops (there once being rather more overlap between universities and the Church).  That use persisted despite the structural changes in both institutions but it wasn’t until 1816 the meaning “office of a professor” was extended from the mid-fifteenth century sense of the literal seat from which a professor conducted his lectures.  Borrowing from academic practice, the general sense of “seat of a person presiding at meeting” emerged during the 1640s and from this developed the idea of a chairman, although earliest use of the verb form “to chair a meeting” appears as late as 1921.  Although sometimes cited as indicative of the “top-down” approach taken by second-wave feminism, although it was in the 1980s that the term chairwoman (woman who leads a formal meeting) first attained general currency, it had actually been in use since 1699, a coining apparently thought needed for mere descriptive accuracy rather than an early shot in the culture wars, chairman (occupier of a chair of authority) having been in use since the 1650s and by circa 1730 it had gained the familiar meaning “member of a corporate body appointed to preside at meetings of boards or other supervisor bodies”.  By the 1970s however, the culture wars had started and the once innocuous “chairwoman” was to some controversial, as was the gender-neutral alternative “chairperson” which seems first to have appeared in 1971.  Now, most seem to have settled on “chair" which seems unobjectionable although presumably, linguistic structuralists could claim it’s a clipping of (and therefore implies) “chairman”.

Chairbox offers a range of “last shift” coffin-themed chairs, said to be ideal for those "stuck in a dead-end job, sitting on a chair in a cubicle".  The available finishes include walnut (left) and for those who enjoy being reminded of cremation, charcoal wood can be used for the seating area (right).  An indicative list price is Stg£8300 (US$10,400) for a Last Shift trimmed in velvet.

The slang use as a short form of electric chair dates from 1900 and was used to refer both to the physical device and the capital sentence.  In interior decorating, the chair-rail was a timber molding fastened to a wall at such a height as would prevent the wall being damaged by the backs of chairs.  First documented in 1822, chair rails are now made also from synthetic materials.  The noun wheelchair (also wheel-chair) dates from circa 1700, and one so confined is said sometimes to be “chair bound”.  The high-chair (an infant’s seat designed to make feeding easier) had probably been improvised for centuries but was first advertised in 1848.  The term easy chair (a chair designed especially for comfort) dates from 1707.  The armchair (also arm-chair), a "chair with rests for the elbows", although a design of long-standing, was first so-described in the 1630s and the name outlasted the contemporary alternative (elbow-chair).  The adjectival sense, in reference to “criticism of matters in which the critic takes no active part” (armchair critic, armchair general etc) dates from 1879.  In academic use, although in the English-speaking world the use of “professor” seems gradually to be changing to align with US practice, the term “chair” continues in its traditional forms: There are chairs (established professorships), named chairs (which can be ancient or more recent creations which acknowledge the individual, family or institution providing the endowment which funds the position), personal chairs (whereby the title professor (in some form) is conferred on an individual although no established position exists), honorary chairs (unpaid appointments) and even temporary chairs (which means whatever the institution from time-to-time says it means).

In universities, the term “named chair” refers usually to a professorship endowed with funds from a donor, typically bearing the name of the donor or whatever title they nominate and the institution agrees is appropriate.  On rare occasions, named chairs have been created to honor an academic figure of great distinction (usually someone with a strong connection with the institution) but more often the system exists to encourage endowments which provide financial support for the chair holder's salary, research, and other academic activities.  For a donor, it’s a matter both of legacy & philanthropy in that a named chair is one of the more subtle and potentially respectable forms of public relations and a way to contribute to teaching & research in a field of some interest or with a previous association.

Professor Michael Simons (official photograph issued by Yale University's School of Medicine).

So it can be a win-win situation but institutions do need to practice due diligence in the process of naming or making appointments to named chairs as a long running matter at Yale University demonstrates.  In 2013, an enquiry convened by Yale found Professor Michael Simons (b 1957) guilty of sexual harassment and suspended him as Chief of Cardiology at the School of Medicine.  Five years on, the professor accused Yale of “punishing him again” for the same conduct in a gender-discriminatory effort to appease campus supporters of the #MeToo movement which had achieved national prominence.  That complaint was prompted when Professor Simons was in 2018 appointed to, and then asked to resign from a named chair, the Robert W Berliner Professor of Medicine, endowed by an annual grant of US$500,000 from the family of renal physiologist, Robert Berliner (1915-2002).  Professor Simons took his case to court and early in 2024 at a sitting of federal court ruled, he obtained a ruling in his favour, permitting him to move to trial, Yale’s motion seeing a summary judgment in all matters denied, the judge fining it appropriate that two of his complaints (one on the basis of gender discrimination in violation of Title VII of the Civil Rights Act (1964) and one under Title IX of the Education Amendments Act (1972)) should be heard before a jury.  The trial judge noted in his judgment that there appeared to be a denial of due process in 1918 and that happened at a time when (as was not disputed), Yale was “the subject of news reports criticizing its decision to reward a sexual harasser with an endowed chair.”

What the documents presented in Federal court revealed was that Yale’s handling of the matter had even within the institution not without criticism.  In 2013 the University-Wide Committee on Sexual Misconduct found the professor guilty of sexual harassment and he was suspended (but not removed) as chief of cardiology at the School of Medicine.  Internal documents subsequently leaked to the New York Times (NYT) revealed there were 18 faculty members dissatisfied with that outcome and a week after the NYT sought comment from Yale, it was announced Simons would be removed from the position entirely and in November 2014, the paper reported that Yale had also removed him from his position as director of its Cardiovascular Research Center.  Simons alleges that these two additional actions were taken in response to public reaction to the stories published by the NYT but the university disputed that, arguing the subsequent moves were pursuant to the findings of an internal “360 review” of his job performance.  In 2018, Simons was asked to relinquish the Berliner chair on the basis he would be appointed instead to another endowed chair.  In the documents Simons filed in Federal Court, this request came after “one or more persons … sympathetic to the #MeToo movement” contacted the Berliner family encouraging them to demand that the University remove Simons from the professorship, prompting Yale, “fearing a backlash from the #MeToo activists and hoping to placate them,” to “began exploring” his removal from the chair.

School of Medicine, Yale University, New Haven, Connecticut, USA.

Later in 2018, Simons was duly appointed to another named chair, prompting faculty members, students and alumni to send an open letter to Yale’s president expressing “disgust and disappointment” at the appointment.  The president responded with a formal notice to Simmons informing him he had 24 hours to resign from the chair, and Simmons also alleges he was told by the president of “concerns” the institution had about the public criticism.  In October 2019, Simons filed suit against Yale (and a number of individuals) on seven counts: breach of contract, breach of the implied warranty of fair dealing, wrongful discharge, negligent infliction of emotional distress, breach of privacy, and discrimination on the basis of gender under Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and Title IX of the Education Amendments of 1972.   Three of these (wrongful discharge, negligent infliction of emotional distress and breach of privacy) were in 2020 struck-out in Federal Court and this was the point at which Yale sought summary judgment for the remainder.  This was partially granted but the judge held that the matter of gender discrimination in violation of Title VII and Title IX needed to be decided by a jury.  A trial date has not yet been set but it will be followed with some interest.  While all cases are decided on the facts presented, it’s expected the matter may be an indication of the current state of the relative strength of “black letter law” versus “prevailing community expectations”.

Personal chair: Lindsay Lohan adorning a chair.

The Roman Catholic Church’s dogma of papal infallibility holds that a pope’s rulings on matters of faith and doctrine are infallibility correct and cannot be questioned.  When making such statements, a pope is said to be speaking ex cathedra (literally “from the chair” (of the Apostle St Peter, the first pope)).  Although ex cathedra pronouncements had been issued since medieval times, as a point of canon law, the doctrine was codified first at the First Ecumenical Council of the Vatican (Vatican I; 1869–1870) in the document Pastor aeternus (shepherd forever).  Since Vatican I, the only ex cathedra decree has been Munificentissimus Deus (The most bountiful God), issued by Pius XII (1876–1958; pope 1939-1958) in 1950, in which was declared the dogma of the Assumption; that the Virgin Mary "having completed the course of her earthly life, was assumed body and soul into heavenly glory".  Pius XII never made explicit whether the assumption preceded or followed earthly death, a point no pope has since discussed although it would seem of some theological significance.  Prior to the solemn definition of 1870, there had been decrees issued ex cathedra.  In Ineffabilis Deus (Ineffable God (1854)), Pius IX (1792–1878; pope 1846-1878) defined the dogma of the Immaculate Conception of the Blessed Virgin Mary, an important point because of the theological necessity of Christ being born free of sin, a notion built upon by later theologians as the perpetual virginity of Mary.  It asserts that Mary "always a virgin, before, during and after the birth of Jesus Christ", explaining the biblical references to brothers of Jesus either as children of Joseph from a previous marriage, cousins of Jesus, or just folk closely associated with the Holy Family.

Technically, papal infallibility may have been invoked only the once since codification but since the early post-war years, pontiffs have found ways to achieve the same effect, John Paul II (1920–2005; pope 1978-2005) & Benedict XVI (1927–2022; pope 2005-2013, pope emeritus 2013-2022) both adept at using what was in effect a personal decree a power available to one who sits at the apex of what is in constitutional terms an absolute theocracy.  Critics have called this phenomenon "creeping infallibility" and its intellectual underpinnings own much to the tireless efforts of Benedict XVI while he was head of the Inquisition (by then called the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith (CDF) and now renamed the Dicastery for the Doctrine of the Faith (DDF)) during the late twentieth century.  The Holy See probably doesn't care but DDF is also the acronym, inter-alia, for "drug & disease free" and (in gaming) "Doom definition file".  There's also the DDF Network which is an aggregator of pornography content.

The “chair” photo (1963) of Christine Keeler (1942-2017) by Hong Kong Chinese photographer Lewis Morley (1925-2013) (left) and Joanne Whalley-Kilmer (b 1961) in Scandal (1989, a Harvey Weinstein (b 1952) production) (centre).  The motif was reprised by Taiwanese-American photographer Yu Tsai (b 1975) in his sessions for the Lindsay Lohan Playboy photo-shoot; it was used for the cover of the magazine’s January/February 2012 issue (right).  Ms Lohan wore shoes for some of the shoot but these were still "nudes" because "shoes don't count"; everybody knows that. 

The Profumo affair was one of those fits of morality which from time-to-time would afflict English society in the twentieth century and was a marvellous mix of class, sex, spying & money, all things which make an already good scandal especially juicy.  The famous image of model Christine Keeler, nude and artfully positioned sitting backwards on an unexceptional (actually a knock-off) plywood chair, was taken in May 1963 when the moral panic over the disclosure Ms Keeler simultaneously was enjoying the affection of both a member of the British cabinet and a Soviet spy.  John Profumo (1915-2006) was the UK’s Minister for War (the UK cabinet retained the position until 1964 although it was disestablished in the US in 1947) who, then 46, was found to be conducting an adulterous affair with the then 19 year old topless model at the same time she (presumably as her obviously crowded schedule permitted) fitted in trysts with a KGB agent, attached to the Soviet embassy with the cover of naval attaché.  Although there are to this day differing interpretations of the scandal, there have never been any doubts this potential Cold-War conduit between Moscow and Her Majesty’s Secretary of State for War represented at least a potential conflict of interest.  The fallout from the scandal ended Profumo’s political career, contributed to the fall of Harold Macmillan’s (1894–1986; UK prime-minister 1957-1963) government and was one of a number of the factors in the social changes which marked English society in the 1960s.  Woken from his sleep to be told the scandal was about to break, Macmillan remarked: "Well, at least it was with a woman".

Commercially & technically, photography then was a different business and the “chair” image was the last shot on a 12-exposure film, all taken in less than five minutes at the end of a session which hurriedly had been arranged because Ms Keeler had signed a contract which included a “nudity” clause for photos to be used as “publicity stills” for a proposed film about the scandal.  As things turned out, the film was never released (not until Scandal (1989) one would appear) but the photograph was leaked to the tabloid press, becoming one of the more famous of the era although later feminist critiques would deconstruct the issues of exploitation they claimed were inherent.  Playboy’s editors would not be unaware of the criticism but the use of a chair to render a nude image SFW (suitable for work) remains in the SOP (standard operating procedures) manual.

Contact sheet from photoshoot, Victoria and Albert (V&A) Museum: exhibit E.2830-2016.

Before the “nude” part which concluded the session, two rolls of film had already been shot with the subject sitting in various positions (on the chair and the floor) while “wearing” a small leather jerkin.  At that point the film’s producers mentioned the “nude” clause.  Ms Keeler wasn’t enthusiastic but the producers insisted so all except subject and photographer left the room and the last roll was shot, some of the earlier poses reprised while others were staged, the last, taken with the camera a little further away with the subject in what Mr Morley described as “a perfect positioning”, was the “chair” shot.

The “Keeler Chair” (left) and an Arne Jacobsen Model 3107 (right).

Both chair & the gelatin-silver print of the photograph are now in the collections of London’s Victoria and Albert (V&A) Museum (the photograph exhibit E.2-2002; the chair W.10-2013).  Although often wrongly identified a Model 3107 (1955) by Danish modernist architect & furniture designer Arne Jacobsen (1902-1971), it’s actually an example of one of a number of inexpensive knock-offs produced in the era.  Mr Morley in 1962 bought six (at five shillings (50c) apiece) for his studio and it’s believed his were made in Denmark although the identity of the designer or manufacturer are unknown.  Unlike a genuine 3107, the knock-off has a handle cut-out (in a shape close to a regular trapezoid) high on the back, an addition both functional and ploy typical of those used by knock-off producers seeking to evade accusations of violations of copyright.  Structurally, a 3017 uses a thinner grade of plywood and a more subtle molding.  The half-dozen chairs in Mr Morley’s studio were mostly unnoticed office furniture until Ms Keeler lent one its infamy although they did appear in others of his shoots including those from his session with television personality & interviewer Sir David Frost (1939–2013) and it’s claimed the same chair was used for both.  In London’s second-hand shops it’s still common to see the knock-offs (there were many) described as “Keeler” chairs and Ms Lohan’s playboy shoot was one of many in which the motif has been used.  The obvious choice of pose for Joanne Whalley-Kilmer’s promotional shots for the 1989 film in which she played Ms Keeler, it appeared also on the the covers of the DVD & Blu-ray releases 

Old Smoky, the electric chair once used in the Tennessee prison system, Alcatraz East Crime Museum.  "Old Sparky" was once the preferred but in modern use "the chair" seems to have prevailed.

"Then we'd get the chair": The Simpsons, season six.

Crooked Hillary Clinton in pantsuit.

Although the numbers did bounce around a little, polling by politico.com found that typically about half of Republican voters believe crooked Hillary Clinton (b 1947; US secretary of state 2009-2013) should be locked up while fewer than 2% think she should “get the chair”, apparently on the basis of her being guilty of something although some might just find her “really annoying” and take the pragmatic view a death sentence would remove at least that problem from their life.  The term “electric chair” is most associated with the device used for executions but is also common slang to describe other machinery including electric wheelchairs and powered (heat, cooling or movement) seats or chairs of many types.  First used in the US during the 1890s, like the guillotine, the electric chair was designed as a more humane (ie faster) method of execution compared with the then common hanging where death could take minutes.  Now rarely used (and in some cases declared unconstitutional as a “cruel & unusual punishment”), in some US states, technically it remains available including as an option the condemned may choose in preference to lethal injection or the firing squad.

Electric Chair Suite (1971) screen print decology by Andy Warhol.

Based on a newspaper photograph (published in 1953) of the death chamber at Sing Sing Prison in New York, where US citizens Julius (1918-1953) & Ethel Rosenberg (1915-1953) were that year executed as spies, Andy Warhol (1928–1987) produced a number of versions of Electric Chair, part of the artist’s Death and Disaster series which, beginning in 1963, depicted imagery such as car crashes, suicides and urban unrest.  The series was among the many which exploited his technique of transferring a photograph in glue onto silk, a method which meant each varied in some slight way.  His interest was two-fold: (1) what is the effect on the audience of render the same image with variations and (2) if truly gruesome pictures repeatedly are displayed, is the effect one of reinforcement or desensitization?  His second question was later revisited as the gratuitous repetition of disturbing images became more common as the substantially unmediated internet achieved critical mass.  The first of the Electric Chair works was created in 1964.

Lipstick

Lipstick (pronounced lip-stik)

(1) A crayon-like oil-based cosmetic used in coloring the lips, usually in a tubular container.  Lip-gloss & lip-liner (hyphenated and not) are the companion products whereas lip balm is a non-cosmetic product to prevent drying & cracking of the skin.

(2) As “lipstick tree”, the shrub Bixa orellana, native to Mexico and northern South America.  The common name is derived from (1) the arils (tissue surrounding the seed) being the orange-red colourant annatto and (2) the texture & consistency of the arils recalling that of commercially manufactured lipstick.

(3) In slang, the canine penis.

(4) In certain LGBTQQIAAOP circles, as “lipstick lesbian”, a lesbian who displays traditional, conventional feminine characteristics (opposed to a “butch lesbian”).  Some guides to such things note (1) the term can be a slur if used in the wrong context and (2) in some sub-groups a “lipstick lesbian” is one attracted to “other feminine women”, as opposed to a “femme” (a feminine lesbian attracted to butch lesbians).  The alternative to “lipstick lesbian” is “doily dyke” but both alliterative forms should be used with care because in most contexts they are probably now at least microaggressions.

(5) In economics, as “lipstick effect”, a theory which suggests that during economic downturns, consumers display a greater propensity to purchase low cost luxury goods (such as premium lipsticks).

(6) To apply lipstick to; to paint with lipstick.

1875-1880: A coining in US English, the construct being lip + stick.  Lip was from the Middle English lippe, from the Old English lippa & lippe (lip; one of the two sides of the mouth), from the Proto-West Germanic lippjō (lip), from the Proto-Germanic lepjan & lepô, from the primitive Indo-European leb- (to hang loosely, droop, sag).  The Germanic forms were the source also of the Old Frisian lippa & West Frisian lippe, the Middle Dutch lippe, the Dutch lip, the Old High German lefs, the German Lippe & Lefze, the Swedish läpp, the Norwegian leppe and the Danish læbe.  However, some etymologists have questioned the Indo-European origin of the western European forms and the Latin labium, though it’s said they agree the Latin and Germanic words “probably are in some way related” and the Latin may be a substratum word.  The French lippe was an Old French borrowing from a Germanic source.  Stick was from the Middle English stikke (stick, rod, twig), from the Old English sticca (twig or slender branch from a tree or shrub (also “rod, peg, spoon”), from the Proto-West Germanic stikkō, from the Proto-Germanic stikkô (pierce, prick), from the primitive Indo-European verb stig, steyg & teyg- (to pierce, prick, be sharp).  It was cognate with the Old Norse stik, the Middle Dutch stecke & stec, the Old High German stehho, the German Stecken (stick, staff), the Saterland Frisian Stikke (stick) and the West Flemish stik (stick).  The word stick was applied to many long, slender objects closely or vaguely resembling twigs or sticks including by the early eighteenth century candles, dynamite by 1869, cigarettes by 1919 (the slang later extended to “death sticks” & “cancer sticks).  The first known use of “lipstick” in advertizing was in 1877 (although some sources claim this was really a “lip balm” and lipstick (in the modern understanding) didn’t appear for another three years.  “Liquid lipstick” was first sold in 1938 and by the mid 1960s variations of the substance in a variety of liquid and semi-solid forms was available in pots, palettes and novel applicators.  Lipstick is a noun & verb and lipsticking & lipsticked are verbs; the noun plural is lipsticks.

Dior Rouge Lipstick #999.

In economics, the “lipstick effect” is a theory which suggests there is an identifiable phenomenon in consumer behavior in which there’s an increased propensity to purchase small, affordable luxury goods (“designer lipsticks” the classic example) during economic downturns as an alternative to buying larger, more expensive items.  The idea is that as a consumer’s disposable income contracts, the lure of luxury goods remains so although the purchase of the $4000 handbag may be deferred, the $50 lipstick may immediately be chosen, an indulgence which to some extent satisfies the yearning.  The theory is not part of mainstream economics and has been criticized for being substantially impressionistic although more reliable data such as the volume of chocolate sold by supermarkets had been mapped against aggregate economic indicators and this does suggest sales of non-essential items can increase during periods of general austerity.

Beauty Bakerie Lip Whip Matte Liquid Lipstick in Mon Cheri.

The phrase “put lipstick on a pig” is a clipped version of “even if you put lipstick on a pig, it’s still a pig” and it means that cosmetically altering something in the hope of making it seem more appealing than it is doesn’t alter its fundamental characteristics and flaws.  It’s a saying in the vein of “you can't make a silk purse of a sow's ear”, “you can’t polish a turd”, “mutton dressed as lamb” & “old wine in a new bottle” and is often used of products which have been updated in a way which superficially makes them appear “improved” while leaving them functionally unchanged; it’s often used of cars and political platforms, both products which have often relied on spin and advertising to disguise the essential ugliness beneath the surface.  It’s been part of American political rhetoric for decades and usually passes unnoticed but did stir a brief controversy when Barack Obama (b 1961; US president 2009-2017) used: “You can put lipstick on a pig. It's still a pig.” as part of his critique of the “change” theme in the campaign of John McCain (1936–2018), his Republican Party opponent in the 2008 presidential election.  The reason Mr Obama’s use attracted was that earlier, Sarah Palin (b 1964) had said during her acceptance speech as Mr McCain’s running mate: “You know the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull?  Lipstick.”  It turned out to be the best line of their lackluster campaign.  Because of her well-publicized speech and the fact Ms Palin was the only one of the four candidates on that year’s ticket actually to wear lipstick (as far as is known), it was immediately picked up as a potentially misogynistic slur.  However, the outrage lasted barely one news cycle as the fact-checkers were activated to comb the records, revealing Mr McCain the previous year had used it when deriding the abortive healthcare proposal developed by the equally doomed crooked Hillary Clinton (b 1947; US secretary of state 2009-2013) while installed as FLOTUS (First Lady of the United States).

Lindsay Lohan in applying red lipstick (left) and smoking a "stick" (right), from a photo-shoot by Terry Richardson (b 1965) for Love Magazine, Spring/Summer Edition, 2012.

Use turned out to be a long “across the aisle” thing. Thomas Harkin (b 1939; US senator (Democratic-Iowa) 1985-2015) applying it in 1989 to George HW Bush’s (George XLI, 1924-2018; US president 1989-1993) plan to send military aid to the El Salvador government and Ann Richards (1933–2006; governor (Democratic) of Texas 1991-1995) in 1992 added a flourish when she said of the administration’s call for the Democratic-controlled congress to move on a constitutional amendment to force the government to keep a balanced budget: “This is not another one of those deals where you put lipstick on a hog and call it a princess.”  The line received much attention and she added a new variation in 1990 when criticizing the administration for using warships to protect oil tankers in the Middle East (which she labeled a “hidden subsidy for foreign oil”): “You can put lipstick on a hog and call it Monique, but it is still a pig.”  At least in Texas, that may have achieved some resonance because in her failed 1994 gubernatorial race against George W Bush (George XLIII, b 1946; US president 2001-2009), her campaign used the slogan “Call it Monique” as a way of disparage her opponent’s proposals.  The use of “Monique” was apparently random; as far as is known there was no “Monique problem” in the White House of George XLI in the way there was a “Jennifer with a ‘J’ problem”. Commendably, Governor Richards did stick to the theme, unlike Mr Obama in 2008 who couldn’t resist a further metaphor in case his audience was too dim to understand the first, adding: “You can wrap an old fish in a piece of paper called ‘change’.  It's still going to stink.”  That was laboring the point by gilding the lily.

Sarah Palin and Barack Obama, 2008.  Sarah Palin was wasted in politics and was a natural for Fox News and such.

Helpfully, the industry has defined the math of "perfect lips" and even more helpfully (for imperfect women), a lip pencil can be used to apply lip liner to make one's shape tend towards the perfect, providing the definition lines within which lipstick can be applied.  When using a lip pencil, a pencil sharpener is an essential accessory.

Nars Velvet Matte Lip Pencil in Dragon Girl.

People have been expressing the idea in different ways for at least centuries.  In 1732 the English physician and lay-preacher Thomas Fuller (1654–1734) published Gnomologia: Adagies and Proverbs; wise sentences and witty saying, ancient and modern, foreign and British which included “A hog in armour is still but a hog.”  The English antiquary & lexicographer Francis Grose (circa 1725-1791) included an entry for “hog in armour” in his A Classical Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue (1785) which he explained was “an awkward or mean looking man or woman, finely dressed.”  So, something like “mutton dressed as lamb”, a put-down rendered more cutting still by what used to be called the Fleet Street tabloids coining “mutton dressed as hogget”, a classic example of what used to be called bitchiness, a genuine red top speciality.  Charles Spurgeon (1834-1892) was an English Particular Baptist preacher (with all that implies) and although most of his prodigious writing was concerned with defending his sect against the encroachments of liberal & pragmatic theology and ritual, he did publish odd secular work including The Salt-Cellars (1887), a compendium of proverbs in which he noted: “A hog in a silk waistcoat is still a hog” meant “Circumstances do not alter a man’s nature, nor even his manners.”

Dior Addict Lip Gloss Glow Oil in 007 Raspberry.

But it was pigs & lipstick which became the most common form but apparently only after the mid 1980s although the incongruity of the juxtaposition of pigs and lipstick had appealed earlier appealed to some.  In 1926 the “colorful” journalist Charles Lummis (1859-1928) had a piece in the Los Angeles Times which included: “Most of us know as much of history as a pig does of lipsticks.” but the first known appearance of the modern phrase is thought to have been in the Washington Post in 1985, quoting a San Francisco radio host who suggested plans for renovating Candlestick Park (instead of building a new downtown stadium for the Giants “…would be like putting lipstick on a pig.”  After that it’s never gone away, an anti-abortionist in 1992 quoted as saying of legislative amendments of which he did not approve: “You don't want to put lipstick on a pig” and Rick Santorum (b 1958; US senator (Republican-Pennsylvania 1995-2007) added spelled it out, telling the chamber legislative reforms to government subsidies for southern peanut and sugar farmers were the lipstick while the pig was the subsidy programme itself.  In 1998, the often lachrymose Republican John Boehner (b 1949; Speaker of the US House of Representatives 2011-2015), apparently while dry-eyed, bemoaned what he called a “rudderless Republican congress”: "When there's no agenda and there's no real direction, what happens is you really can't have a message; you can put lipstick on a pig all day long, but it's still a pig.”

Lipstick, lip gloss, lip liner & lip balm

Lipstick is primarily for style, there to add color (and they are produced in just about every shade imaginable) but it also protects and to some extent hydrates the lips, indeed, some have additives for just this purpose.  The texture can be creamy, matte, satin, or glossy and lipsticks have included glitter and even a swelling agent for those who want a plumper-lipped look although it applied with some expertise, even an unadulterated lipstick can provide the visual effect of greater fullness. 

Lip Gloss can be used either as a stand-alone product or as a finisher over lipstick, somewhat analogous with a “clear coat” over paint, providing a “varnishing” effect.  What lip gloss does is add shine and often a hit of color to the lips.  As the name implies, the texture is glossy and although usually lightweight, the finish can be sticky, models often applying lip gloss sever times during a photo-shoot to ensure the luster is constant.  They’re mostly sheer or translucent, though some have shimmer or glitter added, thus they can produce a (sort-of) natural, shiny look or add visual depth to lipstick.

Fenty Beauty Stunna Lip Paint Longwear Fluid Lip Color in Uncensored.

Lip Liners (applied with a lip pencil) are a maintenance tool.  What a lip liner does is define the edge of the lips, providing a protective barrier which prevents feathering or bleeding of lip color (ie from a lip stick or lip gloss.  Almost always matte, lip liners are essentially pencils for the lips and their use requires the same firm consistency in application that an artist adopts when putting graphite to paper.  Specialists caution it does take practice to master the art and their golden rule is “less is more”: begin with several light applications until technique is honed and arcs can be described in one go.  Done well, a lip liner can be outline the lips, fill them in for longer-lasting color and to a remarkable extent, change the appearance of their shape.

Lip Balm is only incidentally a beauty aid; they’re used to moisturize, soothe, and protects lips from dryness or chapping so are used by those playing sport, sailing rock-climbing and such.  Most are creamy and waxy, designed to endure for several hours of outdoor use (and often include a sunscreen) although some intended for those in indoor, dry-air environments (such as air-conditioned offices) are lightweight and glossy; aimed at the female market these are often flavored (mandarin, cherry, strawberry etc).  The indoor variety typically are transparent or lightly tinted and while some can be used as a base under other products, not all lipsticks or lip glosses are suitable; it depends on the composition.

Cultural practices mean “lipstick” is associated mostly with shades of red although (depending on the manufacturer) just about any color is available including some which sparkle.  Goths and emos of course like black and purple but a few manufacturers do have white in their range but it doesn’t suit everyone or every occasion.  Apart from looking remarkably like one's recent application of zinc cream just prior to spending time in the summer sun, to use white lipstick requires more than the usual attention to the surrounding colors (outfit, hair, skin tone, eyeliner et al).  Paired with dyed gray hair, white-framed spectacles or the right clothing it can work but the most dramatic contrast is of course available to those with dark skin who should probably use white lipstick as a stand-alone highlight, however tempting may be the accessories.

The "Lipstick Mark": 1976 Lincoln Continental Mark IV, with Lipstick and White Luxury Group in Lipstick Red with White Normande grain vinyl roof in Landau style (left) and white on white (right).

The Ford Motor Company’s Lincoln Continental Mark IV (1971-1976) was a classic “land yacht”, a class of car which was a feature of the US motoring scene of the 1960s & 1970s; it was an exemplar of the “personal luxury car”, a subset of the breed.  Although an exercise in packaging of wonderous inefficiency which today seems remarkable, the Mark IV was a great success for the corporation and was highly profitable because it was built on the same platform as the Ford Thunderbird with which it shared both a mechanical specification and a substantial part of the structure with only some panels, interior fittings and additional bits & pieces distinguishing the two.  The pair was among the industry’s most profitable lines and in 1976, Lincoln released the first of its “designer” series Mark IV’s, “trim & appearance” packages which included touches from the associated designers (Bill Blass, Cartier, Givenchy & Pucci) and to ensure those watching knew just which design house’s bling a buyer had chosen, the C-Pillar “opera window” (a much-loved affectation of the age) was etched with the signature of the relevant designer.  More profitable even than the standard line, of the 56,110 Mark IVs produced in 1976, 12,906 were one or other of the designer editions.

Extract from 1975 Lincoln Continental Mark IV brochure.

As well as the “branded” designer edition cars, beginning in 1973, Lincoln made available its LGO (Luxury Group Option), trim package which offered a color-coordinated exterior, vinyl roof, and interior with the color mix changed each season.  The Lipstick and White Luxury Group first appeared on the Continental Mark IV option list for the 1975 range but in its first season, externally, the cars exclusively were white, the choice for the “White Normande grain” (code LW) vinyl roof between a full covering of the optional “Landau” style which spread only over the rear section; there was also an alternative vinyl called “Cayman” (designed to resemble the skin of the tropical American crocodilian which is similar to an alligator).  The red was limited to the interior, the accent stripes across the button-tufted white leather upholstery (code DN), the cut-pile carpets and other fittings such as the dashboard, steering wheel and highlights on the doors.  In 1975 the package listed at US$400 but it was an era of high inflation and by 1976 this had risen to US$477; in the same season Ford offered a similar “Lipstick Luxury Group” on the Thunderbird which was listed at US$337-546 depending on the configuration.  It’s the 1976 editions which are most memorable because of the choice of red paint and for maximum effect red vinyl side moldings could be added for those who thought the ensemble otherwise too subtle.  Just how many were built (an often quoted number is 1250) isn’t known but while most seem to have opted for white paint, it’s the red ones which are most associated with the option and the shade appears closest to Dior's lipstick #744 (Party Red). 

1976 Lincoln Continental Mark IV, Lipstick Edition.

So a 1976 Continental Mark IV with the Lipstick and White Luxury Group (known among the Lincoln cognoscenti as “The Lipstick Mark”) could be painted White (code 9D) with optional red pinstripes (code 3) or Lipstick Red (code 2U) with optional white pinstripes (code 2) and either could be paired with the red or white vinyl roof coverings.  In the brochure, like the side moldings, the custom pin stripes were “recommended”.  All that meant from the outside one’s Lipstick Mark could appear either as a typical “white on white” land yacht of the era or really make a lipstickesque statement in red & white or all red; it was a matter of what one wanted from life.  Such a splash did the Continental’s visual choices make in 1975 that for many buyers, the significant feature of four wheel disk brakes probably passed unnoticed and it's not known if Ford ever attempted (al la the Bill Blass, Cartier, Givenchy & Pucci associations) to partner with Dior or any other cosmetics house for the Lipstick edition.

1993 Rolls-Royce Corniche IV in "Ferrari Red" (“red, on red, on red”).

The Lipstick Marks must have made an impression but there was a least one person who would have found them understated because in 1991 Rolls-Royce issued a work-order (WO) for a Corniche IV Convertible (by the 1990s even Rolls-Royce no longer called such things DHCs (drophead coupé)) ordered by a customer in Switzerland who had specified a number of what the factory called “production deviations and special features”.  Stating the obvious, the theme clearly was “red” and the WO specified everything was to be finished in what was described as “Ferrari Red 9520120” and it certainly appears to emulate the Italian factory’s famous Rosso Corsa (racing red).  There may have been technical reasons why a timber like rosewood wasn’t used but the effect was achieved with the WO instruction: “Veneer to be birdseye maple to match Ferrari Red” although there must be something different about the leather used for steering wheels because the WO included the proviso: “Steering wheel to be in red hide dyed to match Ferrari Red if possible.  Otherwise St James Red”.

These days, high-end manufacturers all run “bespoke” divisions which exist to accommodate just about any billionaire’s whim within what physics and engineering permit but by the standards of the early 1990s, this “Ferrari red” Corniche was an exceptional build; the closest matches in the Dior lipstick color chart are #999 Velvet and #080 Red Smile (#754 Pandore being slightly more subdued).  The industry term used to describe the color scheme of convertibles is “paint, on upholstery, on roof”.  Between 1971-1995, the factory produced 6823 Corniches (including the equivalent Bentley model), of which 244 were the Corniche IV (1992-1995) and while not a few were “black, on black, on black” or “white, on white, on white” (the latter in the 1960s & 1970s also a favorite among Cadillac owners), this “red, on red, on red” one truly is unique, a genuine “one-of-one”.

In a promotion, the Tussy Lip Stick Company offered three 1967 Mustangs as prizes for contest winners, each finished in a shade of pink which matched the lip sticks Racy Pink, Shimmery Racy Pink Frosted & Defroster.  Defroster sounds particularly ominous but to set minds at rest, Tussy helpfully decoded the pink portfolio thus:

Racy Pink: "A pale pink".

Racy Pink Frosted: "Shimmers with pearl". 

Defroster: "Pours on melting beige lights when you wear it alone, or as a convertible top to another lip color".

The fate of the cars is unknown but nerds might note the three prizes were 1967 models while the model (as in the Mustang) in the advertisement is from the 1966 range.  That's because the advertising copy had to be made available before the embargo had been lifted on photographs of the 1967 range.  The men on Madison Avenue presumably dismissed the suggestion of what might now be thought "deceptive and misleading" content with the familiar "she'll never know".