Osphresiolagnia

Osphresiolagnia (pronounced aus-free-see-a-lan-gee-ah)

A paraphilia characterized by recurrent sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviour involving smells.

Early-mid twentieth century: A coining in clinical psychiatry the construct being osphres(is) + lagina.  Osphresis was from the Ancient Greek ὀσφρῆσις (osphrēsis) (sense of smell; olfaction).  Lagina was from the Ancient Greek λαγνεία (lagina) (lust; sexual desire), from λᾰγνός (lagnos) (lustful; sexually aroused).  Osphresiolagnia thus translated literally as “lust or sexual arousal related to or induced by one’s sense of smell”. Osphresiolagnia & Osphresiolagnism are nouns and osphresiolagnic is a noun & adjective; the noun plural is Osphresiolagnias.

The synonym is olfactophilia (sexual arousal caused by smells or odors, especially from the human body) and in modern clinical use, that’s seems now the accepted form.  Although now rare, in clinical use a renifleur was paraphiliac who derived sexual pleasure from certain smells.  Renifleur was from the French noun renifleur (the feminine renifleuse, the plural renifleurs), the construct being renifler +‎ -eur.  The construct of the verb renifler was re- (used in the sense of “to do; to perform the function”) + nifler (to irritate, to annoy); it was from the same Germanic root as the Italian niffo & niffa (snout) and related to the Low German Niff (nose, mouth, bill), the Dutch neb (nose, beak) and the English neb (nose, beak, face).  The French suffix -eur was from the Middle French, from the Old French -eor or -or, from the Latin -ātōrem & -tor and a doublet of -ateur.  It was used to form masculine agent nouns from verbs (some of which were used also as adjectives).

Pioneering Austrian psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud (1856-1939) never developed his hypothesis of osphresiolagnia into a fully-developed theory and in his papers it’s mentioned only as an aspect of the psychoanalytic exploration of human sexuality, specifically focusing on the role of olfactory stimuli (sense of smell) in sexual arousal.  It was part of a body of work in which he explored his concept of fetishism and infantile sexuality.  In psychoanalysis, osphresiolagnia described the condition (“the state” might now be thought a better way of putting it) where certain smells become associated with sexual pleasure or arousal and to Freud these naturally were those related to bodily functions, such as sweat, skin, or other natural odors because he believed different sensory experiences, including smell, could become a focus of sexual fixation, particularly if something in early psychosexual development caused this association.  The tie-in with fetishism was that an obsessive focus on the sense of can form as a way of displacing or substituting more normative sexual interests.  Freud spoke also of the significance of the senses (including smell) in early childhood development and linked them to psychosexual stages, where early experiences with stimuli can influence later adult sexuality and while he didn’t use the word, he believed a smell associated with some significant childhood experience, could, even decades later, act as a “trigger”.  Although it’s been in the literature for more than a century, osmophresiolagnia (also now sometimes called “olfactory stimulation”) seems to have aroused more clinical and academic interest in the last fifteen years and while the psychological and physiological responses to certain smells have been well-documented, it was usually in the context of revulsion and the way this response could influence the decision-making processes.  However, positive responses can also be influential, thus the renewed interest.

In medicine and the study of human and animal sexuality, the significance of “olfactory attraction” has been researched and appears to be well understood.  At its most, the idea of olfactory attraction is that animals (including humans) can be attracted to someone based on scent; in the patients seen by psychiatrists, they can also be attracted to objects based on their smell, either because of their inherent quality or by their association with someone (either someone specific or “anyone”.  The best known aspect of the science is the study of pheromones (in biology A chemical secreted by an animal which acts to affects the development or behavior of other members of the same species, functioning often as a means of attracting a member of the opposite sex).  Human pheromones have been synthesised and are available commercially in convenient spray-packs for those who wish to enhance their desirability with a chemical additive.  More generally, there is also the notion of “fragrance attraction” which describes the allure another’s smell (either natural or the scent they wear) exerts and this can manifest in “objective transference” (keeping close during periods of absence a lover’s article of clothing or inhaling from the bottle of perfume they wear.

The opposite of being attracted to a smell is finding one repellent.  What is known in the profession technically as ORS (olfactory reference syndrome) has never been classified as a separate disorder in either the American Psychiatric Association's (APA) Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) or the World Health Organization’s (WHO) International Classification of Diseases (ICD).  The DSM-III-R (1987) did mention ORS in the context of “aversion”, noting “convictions that the person emits a foul odor…are one of the most common types of delusional disorder, somatic type”, the idea extended in DSM-IV (1994) which referred to the concept as a type of delusional disorder, somatic type, although the term “olfactory reference syndrome” was not mentioned.

In October 2024, it was reported by Greek news services that a court in Thessaloniki (the capital of the Macedonia region and Greece's second city) in the north of the country had imposed a suspended one-month prison sentence on a man convicted of “…disturbing his neighbors by repeatedly sneaking into their properties to smell their shoes.”  According to the AP (Associated Press), the 28-year-old man was unable to explain his behaviour although he did tell the court he was “embarrassed by it”, adding that he had “…no intention of breaking the law or harming anybody…” and his neighbours did testify he never displayed any signs of aggression during his nocturnal visits to the shoes, left outside the door to air.  The offences were committed in the village of Sindos, some 15 kilometres (9 miles) west of Thessaloniki and the police were called only after the man had ignored requests sent to his family that his conduct stop.  According to the neighbours, there had in the last six months been at least three prior instances of shoe sniffing.  In addition to the suspended sentence, the defendant was ordered to attend therapy sessions.

The postman always sniffs twice, Balnagask Circle, Torry, Aberdeen, Scotland, August 2024.  Helpfully, the video clip was posted by the Daily Mail and from his grave of a hundred-odd years, old Lord Northcliffe (Alfred Harmsworth, 1865–1922) would be delighted.

Osphresiolagnia is however not culturally specific and in August 2024, a postman delivering mail to an address on Balnagask Circle in the Torry area of South Aberdeen, Scotland was captured on a doorbell camera, pausing to “to sniff girl's shoes”.  All appeared normal until the osphresiolagnic servant of the Royal Mail had put the letters in the slot but then he turned and, after a grief glance at the shoe rack, bent down and picked up a white trainer which he sniffed before leaving to resume his round (and possibly his sniffing).  The mother of the girl whose shoes fell victim to the postman posted the video on social media, tagging the entry: “I would just like to let everyone know just to watch out for this postman; he sniffed my daughter's shoes; what an absolute creep.”  The clip came to the attention of the Scottish police which issued a statement: “We received a report of a man acting suspiciously in the Balnagask Circle area of Aberdeen.  Enquiries were carried out and no criminality was established. Suitable advice was given.”  It wasn’t made clear what that advice was or to whom it’s been delivered but presumably the constabulary’s attitude was no shoe being harmed during this sniffing, all’s well that ends well.

Shoe-sniffing should not be confused with Podophilia (a paraphilia describing the sexualized objectification of feet (and sometimes footwear), commonly called foot fetishism although the correct clinical description is now “foot partialism”).  The construct was podo- +‎ -philia.  Podo- (pertaining to a foot or a foot-like part) was from the Ancient Greek πούς (poús), from the primitive Indo-European pṓds.  It was cognate with the Mycenaean Greek po, the Latin pēs, the Sanskrit पद् (pad), the Old Armenian ոտն (otn) & հետ (het), the Gothic fōtus and the Old English fōt (from which Modern English gained “foot”).  It was Sigmund Freud who admitted that, lawfulness aside, as animals, the only truly aberrant sexual behavior in humans could be said to be its absence (something which the modern asexual movement re-defines rather than disproves).  It seemed to be in that spirit the DSM-5 (2013) was revised to treat podophila and many other “harmless” behaviors as “normal” and thus within the purview of the manual only to the extent of being described, clinical intervention no longer required.  Whether all psychiatrists agree with the new permissiveness isn’t known but early reports suggest there’s nothing in the DSM-5-TR (2022) to suggest podophiles will soon again be labeled as deviants.

Point of vulnerability to osphresiolagnism: Lindsay Lohan taking off her shoes and putting them on the shoe rack.  The photo shoot featured Ms Lohan as a nueva embajadora de Allbirds (new Allbirds ambassador), in a promotion for Allbirds (Comfortable, Sustainable Shoes & Apparel) and the shoes are the Tree Flyer in Lux Pink which include “no plastics” in their construction.  The photo session may have been shot on a Wednesday.

Shoe sniffing is different and clinicians define it as an instance of “intimacy by proxy” in a similar class to those who steal women’s underwear from their clothes lines; an attempt to in some way be associated with the wearer.  This differs from those with an interest in shoes or the garments as objects because they can fulfil their desires (conveniently & lawfully), by buying what they want from a shop.  How prevalent are such proclivities isn’t known because, being lawful (and in most cases presumably secret) fetish, unless self-reported, clinicians would never become aware of the activity.

Chenille

Chenille (pronounced shuh-neel)

(1) A thick soft tufty silk or worsted velvet cord or yarn used in embroidery and for trimmings and other embellishments.

(2) A fabric made with such a fringed silken thread used as the weft in combination with wool or cotton; it’s a popular fabric for garments such as sweaters.

(3) In casual use, any fabric with a protruding pile, as in certain rayon bedspreads.

(4) A deep-pile, durable, woolen carpeting with chenille weft: the most expensive of the power-loomed floor coverings in volume production.

(5) In botany, the chenille plant (Acalypha hispida), a shrub with colorful furry flowers

1738: from the French chenille (velvety cord used in embroidery, fringes etc (literally “hairy caterpillar” and a doublet of canicule)), from the Latin canīcula (which under a strict etymological breakdown suggests “little dog” but the only documented use was in the senses “shrewish woman”; “dogfish”; “the star Sirius” (canicular); the worst throw in a game of dice); it was a diminutive of canis (dog), from the from primitive indo-European root kwon- (dog).  All uses are derived from the furry look of certain caterpillars.  Chenille is a noun and chenillelike (also as chenille-like) is an adjective; the noun plural is chenilles.

Renault UE Chenillette with trailer, the combination configured as a refueling unit for the infantry, circa 1932.

The unrelated noun chenillette originally described a class of small (most not even 3 metres (10 feet) in length), armored vehicles built for the French Army during the 1930s.  Because they were tracked, they were sometimes referred to as tankettes (a noun later adopted as military slang for scaled-down tanks) but that was misleading because they were really armored utility vehicles intended to tow artillery pieces or trailers with supplies.  The earliest had provision only for a driver and were unarmed but later designs expanded both capacities.  By the standards of the time they were fast and being cheap to produce and operate were produced in large numbers and used by a number of militaries as late as the 1950s.  In the UK, the Chenille name was adopted for a tracked sidewalk tractor, especially one equipped with plough-like device for clearing snow, the name an allusion to the (vaguely) caterpillar-like appearance.  In arctic regions, snowcats (tracked, truck-like enclosed vehicles used to transport people and supplies across snow & ice) are sometimes referred to as chenillettes, the term used also for some of the machines operated by ski resorts or others in alpine areas.

The inspiration: Woolly Bear caterpillar (Pyrrharctia isabella), the caterpillar the larval stage of the Isabella tiger moth.

Chenille is a type of fabric construction available in a range of designs and valued for qualities as varied as disguising wrinkles and retaining an opulent sheen meaning it is adaptable and widely used.  The name comes from the French chenille (caterpillar) and in an allusion to the creature’s soft, fluffy appearance although this shouldn’t be taken too literally because some caterpillars have stinging hairs which can induce health problems such as itching, conjunctivitis, sore throats and various localized irritations which can in some cases lead to infections and because the hairs can even be flown off by gusts of wind, even being in close proximity can expose one to risk.  The chenille technique used to produce the fabric involves placing several short piles of yarn between two core yarns, weaving them together to create a raised (ie hairy) effect.

Lindsay Lohan in a pale pink chenille midi-dress by David Koma (b 1985), Clarins new product launch party, Los Angeles, March 2024.

Thick, durable, and water-resistant, chenille is popular with furniture manufacturers and used for upholstery and its seen often in bed sheets, rugs and linens but most photographed are the sweaters, dresses and such, the industry liking the look because it’s so easy to achieve a lustrous, opulent appearance and customers like it because the texture is such that it “absorbs” crushing, crinkling and wrinkling without obvious effect.  Quite which type of chenille should be chosen will be dictate by the appearance desired and that is a product of the materials used in the construction: cotton, silk, and wool chenille lend a soft and luxurious texture, polyester versions have a shiny, almost velvety sheen while rayon chenille is famously lush, durable valued for its shimmering iridescence.  The cost breakdown of course dictates patterns of consumption and polyester chenilles are by far the cheapest and most widely used for furniture, especially where the surface areas large or subject to high use.  Natural fibres such as wool raises the cost and demand more maintenance but no synthetic can match the softness, natural feel and desired degree of fuzziness.

Examples of chenille fabrics.

Chenilles are among the more recent fabrics, the technique coming into use in France only in the mid-eighteenth century although then it was the preserve of artisans and it wasn’t until the 1830s that industrial production began in Scotland.  Initially the fabrics were expensive because the process was broken into several stages and although mechanized, it remained labor intensive until dedicated machines were developed.  The centre of production shifted to the US and by the 1930s, despite the onset of the Great Depression, the sector emerged as a bright spot for the industry because chenilles were adaptable to purposes as diverse as floor mats, bedspreads and upholstery, the economics particularly attractive because the production process made such efficient use of the cotton crop.  Use actually declined in the post-war years but new techniques and the expansion of mass-market fashion in the 1960s & 1970s saw renewed interest in it for garments and fashion houses at all levels four it a flexible and adaptable fabric.  Not unexpectedly, as manufacturing in the 1980s shifted to South Asia and the Far East, “faux chenille” soon hit the high street.

Scimitar

Scimitar (pronounced sim·i·tar or sim-i-ter)

An oriental sword with a curved blade broadening towards the point

1540s: From the Middle French cimeterre or the Italian scimitarra (and in English originally spelled also as cimiterie).  Most etymologists agree it’s from an unknown Ottoman Turkish word and ultimately from the Persian شمشیر‎ (šamšir) (sword), an unusual event because the linguistic variations in the Ottoman dialects are otherwise so well documented.  There are contested variations too in the Persian shimshir (pronounced shamsher), said by some to be derived from the Greek sampsera (a barbarian sword) but most authorities find this explanation unsatisfactory.  There were many variations too in spelling, the preferred modern form scimitar reflecting the influence of Italian but at least one dictionary preferred simitar as late as 1902.  In palaeontology, the term "scimitar-toothed cat" describes any of the various species of extinct prehistoric cats of the tribe Homotheriini.  Scimitar is a noun & verb and the gruesome sounding scimitared is an adjective; the noun plural is scimitars.

Antique Persian scimitar with leather wood scabbard featuring natural engraving on pommel and wooden handle adorned with embossed metal.  The heavy curved blade is hand-forged and thirty inches (760mm) in length with a deep blood grove.  The leather-covered wooden scabbard is equipped with a pair of belt rings and wire decoration.  The drag is heavily embossed with nature designs and is thirty-eight inches (965mm) long.

1973 Reliant Scimitar SE5a.

Produced between 1968-1986 (and based on an earlier coupé of the same name launched in 1964), the Reliant Scimitar was an early and successful attempt to combine the stylistic appeal of a coupé with the practicality of an estate.  Although English manufacturers had a long tradition of (mostly bespoke) two-door estates called shooting-brakes, they were expensive and (except for the rakish Aston Martins) often rather staid designs optimised for the carriage of dogs, shotguns, picnic baskets and such rather than style.  The Scimitar, although in some ways crude and lacking the refinement of the better-bred, was at the time unique in the market and sold well, triggering a trend for the design which is still sometimes seen.

1973: Marilyn Cole, Volvo 1800ES.

Beginning in 1964, Playboy magazine (much read for the interviews) began rewarding the Playmate of the Year (PotY) with a pink car and in 1973 it was awarded to Ms Marilyn Cole (b 1949).  Still one of the more admired Volvos, the 1800ES (1972-1973) underwent a conversion from a coupé (1961-1972) which was exquisitely executed, the re-design undertaken entirely in-house, the proposal by Pietro Frua's (1913-1983) studio (the P1800’s original designer) thought too avant-garde for Volvo buyers.  They may have had a point because Volvo owners do seem impressed more by frugality of operation and longevity than anything flashy and there are several 1800s which are documented as having covered more than a million miles (1.6 million km).  The coupé gained much from its use in a popular TV series shown in the early 1960s, a promotional opportunity made possible only because Jaguar declined to loan the production company one of its new E-Types (XKE) which had debuted in the same year as the P1800.  Still, the seductive E-Type hardly needed a TV series to create its image.  Doubtlessly the equally seductive Ms Cole won PotY on merit but her photo-shoot was the first in which a "full-frontal nude" image appealed in the magazine so that alone may have been enough to persuade the judges.

Aston Martin's original 1965 DB5 Shooting Brake (left) and one of the eleven subsequently built by Radford (right).

Before Reliant adopted the style, there were Aston Martin shooting brakes.  Sir David Brown (1904–1993) liked his DB5 coupé (which the factory, in their English way, called a "saloon") but found it too cramped comfortably to accommodate his polo gear, shotguns and hunting dogs.  Now, that would be called a “first world problem” but because Brown then owned Aston Martin, he simply wrote out a work order and had his craftsmen create a bespoke shooting brake (thereby confirming the informal English definition of the term: “station wagon owned by someone rich”) which they did by hand-forming the aluminum with hammers over wooden formers.  It delighted him and solved his problem but created another because good customers stared writing him letters asking for their own but Aston Martin was at full capacity building DB5s and developing the up-coming DB6 and V8 models.  With a bulging order book, the resources didn’t exist to add another niche model so the project was out-sourced to the coachbuilder Radford which built a further 11 (and subsequently another 6 based on the DB6).  That Brown’s original car was bespoke seems clear but the others are a gray area because the coachbuilder’s records and assessments of the cars indicate they were identical in all but the color of the paint and leather trim.  There may have been only 12 DB5s and 6 DB6s but by conventional definition, all but one from some sort of production line (albeit one both leisurely and exclusive) so can all but the original be thought truly bespoke?  According to the Aston Martin website, all are bespoke so presumably that will remain the last word on the subject.

1970 Aston Martin DBS shooting brake by FLM Panelcraft (left), 1992 Aston Martin Virage Shooting Brake (centre) and 2023 Aston Martin Vanquish Zagato Shooting Brake (right).

The troubled 1970s were unforgiving times for the coachbuilders for which shooting brakes had been a minor but lucrative side-hustle and FLM’s Panelcraft’s 1970 Aston Martin DBS shooting brake remained a one-off.  Things had improved by the 1990s and although the industry in the years since has had its ups & downs, by 2023 it was possible for one buyer in Japan to order a Vanquish Zagato Shooting Brake in pink.  Aston Martin are one of the English manufacturers which have long offered custom (even one-off) colors (at a price) and Bristol used to emphasise the nature of their clientele by mentioning often they would match the tints to old-school or regimental ties.  Sadly, Bristol entered liquidation in 2020 and the world lost one of its more charming anachronisms.

1970 Range Rover, the car which for a generation doomed the after-market shooting brake.

Although now thought a "luxury car", the original Range Rover was a utilitarian device with rubber floor mats, provided because it was assumed owners would need to "hose it out" after a day on the farm in their muddy boots.  As late as 1969, the plan had been for a basic four-cylinder version and an up-market V8 but constraints of time and budget meant only a single version was released, combining the interior fittings of the former with the latter's mechanical specification.  Not until the release in 1981 of the Range Rover Vogue did carpet, air-conditioning, leather and walnut facias appear, a response to the fit-outs being offered by a number of third-party operations.   

The industry never settled on an agreed definition of the shooting brake body style but from the 1930s it’s been used usually to describe a two-door car (there were variations) with estate-car coachwork added.  In recent years, what are (sometimes misleadingly) labelled shooting brakes have tended to be based on fast sports cars rather than the large chassis familiar in the 1930s when the intent was to offer the rich a large, comfortable car for outings like shooting parties, the enlarged rear compartment easily accessible and sufficiently capacious handily to accommodate guns, picnic baskets and (on a good day) a few brace of grouse on the trip home.  For reasons related to economics and engineering, the creation of shooting brakes declined in the post-war years and the release of the Range-Rover in 1970 rendered the style redundant except for the rare creations for those who still hankered for conspicuous exclusivity.  The sporty breed of coupés with estate coachwork which many (Volvo, Reliant, BMW, Ferrari, Lancia et al) have offered in recent decades are really not shooting brakes, the design instead intended to enlarge luggage space beyond the “toothbrush & bikini” capacity of some sports cars.  However, nobody seems to have thought of a better term and because of the historic association with class & wealth, the target market likes “shooting brake”.  The origin of the name lies in the shooting brake which was a large horse-drawn cart suitable for use by shooting parties.  The “brake” in the name is derived from the popularity among shooting parties of the heavy-framed carts used when “breaking-in” spirited horses although, etymologists have pointed out the Dutch word brik (cart or carriage) but any link is speculative.  In the UK, the term brake became so identified with large horse-drawn carts than it came to be applied widely, extended to wagons generally, whether used for shooting parties or not.  In France, an estate car (station wagon) was called a break, the French (somewhat unusually) following the example in English, the original form having been break de chasse (hunting break).

Dog owner Lindsay Lohan is part of the target market for shooting brake manufacturers although it's doubtful she's a fan of hunting & shooting.  Her first dog she name Gucci because the hound "chewed up" a pair of Gucci boots, something for which she was forgiven, living to the age of fifteen.

Borrowing shamelessly from Jensen which between 1966-1973 produced the FF, Ferrari chose the model name FF to allude to the specification (4 seats and 4 wheel-drive) although it was all-wheel-drive (AWD) rather than four-wheel-drive (4WD), the latter now indicating something built with some emphasis on off-road use.  The Jensen FF nomenclature was a reference to “Ferguson Formula” the AWD system developed by Ferguson Research, a company founded by Harry Ferguson (1884–1960).  Ferguson had developed its system for agricultural vehicles but the advantages for cars on the road or racetrack were obvious and a number of projects followed, all successful pieces of engineering but the economics were at the time not compelling and it wasn’t until the 1970s that AWD vehicles began to appear in any volume.

1966 Jensen FF Series 1 (left) and 1971 Series III, one of only 15 built (right).

Visually, the FF was distinguished from the standard Interceptor by a 5 inch (127 mm) longer wheelbase, added ahead of the windscreen to accommodate the transfer case and associated hardware, the twin vents the obvious marker (the standard Interceptor used one).  All used the combination of Chrysler's 383 cubic inch (6.3 litre) B-Series V8 and TorqueFlite (727) automatic transmission and tales of some leaving the factory with the 440 (7.2) RB engine or manual transmissions are apocryphal.  Nor it would seem have any FFs subsequently been been fitted with the bigger engine although some have been transformed into convertibles using the parts from the factory's run of 267 (1974-1976), no small project but one which demands no modification of the complex drivetrain.

GKN FFF 100, MIRA (Motor Industry Research Association) proving ground, Warwickshire, England, September 1972, the images from the on-line Jensen Museum.  The car just prior to the test run (left) shows the raised centre panel which allowed the carburettors to protrude; the dual Holley 3116 carburetors atop the short cross-ram manifold  (centre) and the 0-100 mph-0 run in the wet (right).       

There was however one FF which did hint at the possibilities offered by mixing AWD with prodigious quantities of power and torque.  GKN (now an aerospace multi-national but originally Guest, Keen and Nettlefolds, a manufacturing concern with roots traceable to 1759 at the dawn of the Industrial Revolution) in 1971, impressed by the FF, commissioned a special build.  Revealed in 1972 as the FFF 100 (claimed by some to be a reference to a planned production run but probably meaning nothing in particular unless an allusion to 100 mph (162 km/h), a speed which would later figure in the car's 15 minutes of fame), it used a one-off body of no great distinction but beneath the bland and derivative lines sat the intoxicating sight of a 426 cubic inch (7.0 litre) V8 (remembered as the much-vaunted "Street Hemi", a (slightly) civilized version of the unit used on the NASCAR ovals and on drag strips).  Complete with a power-boosting "short cross-ram" dual quad induction system and built to the A990 specification used in drag racing, the FFF 100 was lighter than the FF and when tested in a demonstration run, it achieved 0-100 mph-0 in 12.2 seconds and that was on a wet track; when the test was repeated in the dry the number was 11.5, a mark for road cars which would stand for three decades.  It proved beyond doubt the benefits of AWD & ABS although it wouldn't be until the 1990s many began to enjoy the combination.  However, any possibility of a production FFF 100 was fanciful, the FF and the Street-Hemi by 1972 already retired so all missed what would for decades been the world's fastest shooting brake.       

When the Jensen FF debuted, there was thus no AWD-4WD distinction and it was always referred to as “4WD”, its other notable innovation the fitting of Dunlop Maxaret’s mechanical anti-lock braking system, something which in rudimentary form had appeared on aircraft as early as 1908.  It was later used by railways but cars under braking on roads present more challenges for ABS than aircraft on runways or trains on tracks and it wasn’t until the 1950s that the first (almost) viable implementations appeared.  ABS is essentially a form of “pressure modulation” and the accepted abbreviation doesn’t actually reference the often quoted  “Anti-Lock Braking System”; the correct source is Anti-Bloc System, the name adopted in 1966 when Daimler-Benz and the Heidelberg electronics company Teldix (later absorbed by Bosch) began a co-development of a hybrid analogue-electronic system.  That was presented in a “proof-of-concept” display in 1970 during a media at the company’s Untertürkheim test track but what the engineers knew was that use in mass-production depended on the development of digital controllers, more reliable, more powerful and less complex than analogue electronics, the conclusion US manufacturers soon drew when their early implementation of electronic fuel-injection (EFI) proved so troublesome.  Such things were obviously going to be relatively cheap and available after Intel in 1971 released the 4004 (the first commercially available microprocessor and the ancestor of the x86 family and all which followed) and in 1978, Daimler-Benz made available the first version of ABS on some of the Mercedes-Benz 450 SEL 6.9s (1975-1980, the W116 platform 1972-1980) sold in the European market.  The Dunlop Maxaret mechanical ABS used on the Jensen FF was less sophisticated but was reliable and a remarkable advance and while some testers found adaptation a challenge, others noted that in skilled hands (and feet), it was in some ways superior because one could learn to “tramp-through” the system and induce wheel-locking selectively, something useful in the right circumstances.

Ferrari FF (2011-2016): The factory's official "hero" shot (left), an FF fitted with "aerodynamically optimized" ski boot (centre) and with rear compartment displaying "shooting brake" credentials (right). 

The Jensen FF really wasn’t a shooting brake although the huge and distinctive rear window was also a hatch so it did offer some of the advantages.  The Ferrari FF "shooting brake" (the factory seems not to have used the term although every journalist seems to thought it best) was very much in the same vein, its capaciousness closer to that of a “big coupé” rather than any size of station wagon although the factory did circulate photographs of the rear-compartment comfortably (if snugly) packed with a set of golf-clubs and a half dozen-odd travel bags; with folding rear seats, Ferrari claimed a trunk (boot) capacity of 450-800 litres (16-28 cubic feet).  Like the Jensen, it was aimed at those who like to drive to the ski-fields and the promotional material also included pictures of ski-racks and even a roof-mounted “ski-box”, able to hold ski-gear for four.  Despite the high price, the Jensen FF sold remarkably well but its market potential was limited because all Ferguson’s development work had been done in England using right-hand-drive (RHD) vehicles and the system was so specific it wasn’t possible to make a left-hand-drive (LHD) FF without re-engineering the whole mechanism which was so bulky the passenger's front seat was narrower than that of the driver so much did things intrude.  Consequently, only 320 were built, apparently at a financial loss.  Ferrari did better with their FF, over 2000 sold between 2011–2016 and although the packaging may have been remarkably efficient, with a 6.3 litre (382 cubic inch) V12 it was never going to be economical, listed by the 2013 US Department of Energy as the least fuel-efficient car in the midsize class, sharing that dubious honor with the bigger, heavier (though not as rapid) Bentley Mulsanne.  For owners, the 335 km/h (208 mph) top speed was presumably sufficient compensation.

Ultracrepidarian

Ultracrepidarian (pronounced uhl-truh-krep-i-dair-ee-uhn)

Of or pertaining to a person who criticizes, judges, or gives advice outside their area of expertise

1819: An English adaptation of the historic words sūtor, ne ultra crepidam, uttered by the Greek artist Apelles and reported by the Pliny the Elder.  Translating literally as “let the shoemaker venture no further” and sometimes cited as ne supra crepidam sūtor judicare, the translation something like “a cobbler should stick to shoes”.  From the Latin, ultra is beyond, sūtor is cobbler and crepidam is accusative singular of crepida (from the Ancient Greek κρηπίς (krēpís)) and means sandal or sole of a shoe.  Ultracrepidarian is a noun & verb and ultracrepidarianism is a noun; the noun plural is ultracrepidarians.  For humorous purposes, forms such as ultracrepidarist, ultracrepidarianish, ultracrepidarianize & ultracrepidarianesque have been coined; all are non-standard.

Ultracrepidarianism describes the tendency among some to offer opinions and advice on matters beyond their competence.  The word entered English in 1819 when used by English literary critic and self-described “good hater”, William Hazlitt (1778–1830), in an open letter to William Gifford (1756–1826), editor of the Quarterly Review, a letter described by one critic as “one of the finest works of invective in the language” although another suggested it was "one of his more moderate castigations" a hint that though now neglected, for students of especially waspish invective, he can be entertaining.  The odd quote from him would certainly lend a varnish of erudition to trolling.  Ultracrepidarian comes from a classical allusion, Pliny the Elder (circa 24-79) recording the habit of the famous Greek painter Apelles (a fourth century BC contemporary of Alexander the Great (Alexander III of Macedon, 356-323 BC)), to display his work in public view, then conceal himself close by to listen to the comments of those passing.  One day, a cobbler paused and picked fault with Apelles’ rendering of shoes and the artist immediately took his brushes and pallet and touched-up the sandal’s errant straps.  Encouraged, the amateur critic then let his eye wander above the ankle and suggested how the leg might be improved but this Apelles rejected, telling him to speak only of shoes and otherwise maintain a deferential silence.  Pliny hinted the artist's words of dismissal may not have been polite.

So critics should comment only on that about which they know.  The phrase in English is usually “cobbler, stick to your last” (a last a shoemaker’s pattern, ultimately from a Germanic root meaning “to follow a track'' hence footstep) and exists in many European languages: zapatero a tus zapatos is the Spanish, schoenmaker, blijf bij je leest the Dutch, skomager, bliv ved din læst the Danish and schuster, bleib bei deinen leisten, the German.  Pliny’s actual words were ne supra crepidam judicaret, (crepidam a sandal or the sole of a shoe), but the idea is conveyed is in several ways in Latin tags, such as Ne sutor ultra crepidam (sutor means “cobbler”, a word which survives in Scotland in the spelling souter).  The best-known version is the abbreviated tag ultra crepidam (beyond the sole), and it’s that which Hazlitt used to construct ultracrepidarian.  Crepidam is from the Ancient Greek κρηπίς (krēpís) and has no link with words like decrepit or crepitation (which are from the Classical Latin crepare (to creak, rattle, or make a noise)) or crepuscular (from the Latin word for twilight); crepidarian is an adjective rare perhaps to the point of extinction meaning “pertaining to a shoemaker”.

The related terms are "Nobel disease" & "Nobel syndrome" which are used to describe some of the opinions offered by Nobel laureates on subjects beyond their specialization.  In some cases this is "demand" rather than "supply" driven because, once a prize winner is added to a media outlet's "list of those who comment on X", they are sometimes asked questions about matters of which they know little.  This happens because some laureates in the three "hard" prizes (physics, chemistry, physiology or medicine) operate in esoteric corners of their discipline; asking a particle physicist something about plasma physics on the basis of their having won the physics prize may not elicit useful information.  Of course those who have won the economics or one of what are now the DEI (diversity, equity and inclusion) prizes (peace & literature) may be assumed to have helpful opinions on everything.

Jackson Pollock (1912-1956): Blue Poles

In 1973, when a million dollars was a still lot of money, the National Gallery of Australia, a little controversially, paid Aus$1.3 million for Jackson Pollock’s (1912-1956) Number 11, 1952, popularly known as Blue Poles since it was first exhibited in 1954, the new name reputedly chosen by the artist.  It was some years ago said to be valued at up to US$100 million but, given the increase in the money supply (among the rich who trade this stuff) over the last two decades odd, that estimate may now be conservative and some have suggested as much as US$400 million might be at least the ambit claim.

Number 11 (Blue poles, 1952), Oil, enamel and aluminum paint with glass on canvas.

Blue Poles emerged during Pollock’s "drip period" (1947-1950), a method which involved techniques such throwing paint at a canvas spread across the floor.  The art industry liked these (often preferring the more evocative term "action painting") and they remain his most popular works, although at this point, he abandoned the dripping and moved to his “black porings phase” a darker, simpler style which didn’t attract the same commercial interest.  He later returned to more colorful ways but his madness and alcoholism worsened; he died in a drink-driving accident.

Alchemy (1947), Oil, aluminum, alkyd enamel paint with sand, pebbles, fibers, and broken wooden sticks on canvas.

Although the general public remained uninterested (except by the price tags) or sceptical, there were critics, always drawn to a “troubled genius”, who praised Pollock’s work and the industry approves of any artist who (1) had the decency to die young and (2) produced stuff which can sell for millions.  US historian of art, curator & author Helen A Harrison (b 1943; director (1990-2024) of the Pollock-Krasner House and Study Center, the former home and studio of the Abstract Expressionist artists Jackson Pollock and Lee Krasner in East Hampton, New York) is an admirer, noting the “pioneering drip technique…” which “…introduced the notion of action painting", where the canvas became the space with which the artist actively would engage”.  As a thumbnail sketch she offered:

Number 14: Gray (1948), Enamel over gesso on paper.

“Reminiscent of the Surrealist notions of the subconscious and automatic painting, Pollock's abstract works cemented his reputation as the most critically championed proponent of Abstract Expressionism. His visceral engagement with emotions, thoughts and other intangibles gives his abstract imagery extraordinary immediacy, while his skillful use of fluid pigment, applied with dance-like movements and sweeping gestures that seldom actually touched the surface, broke decisively with tradition. At first sight, Pollock's vigorous method appears to create chaotic labyrinths, but upon close inspection his strong rhythmic structures become evident, revealing a fascinating complexity and deeper significance.  Far from being calculated to shock, Pollock's liquid medium was crucial to his pictorial aims.  It proved the ideal vehicle for the mercurial content that he sought to communicate 'energy and motion made visible - memories arrested in space'.”

Number 13A: Arabesque (1948), Oil and enamel on canvas.

Critics either less visionary or more fastidious seemed often as appalled by Pollock’s violence of technique as they were by the finished work (or “products” as some labelled the drip paintings), questioning whether any artistic skill or vision even existed, one finding them “…mere unorganized explosions of random energy, and therefore meaningless.”  The detractors used the language of academic criticism but meant the same thing as the frequent phrase of an unimpressed public: “That’s not art, anyone could do that.”

Number 1, 1949 (1949), Enamel and metallic paint on canvas. 

There have been famous responses to that but Ms Harrison's was practical, offering people the opportunity to try.  To the view that “…people thought it was arbitrary, that anyone can fling paint around”, Ms Harrison conceded it was true anybody could “fling paint around” but that was her point, anybody could, but having flung, they wouldn’t “…necessarily come up with anything.”  In 2010, she released The Jackson Pollock Box, a kit which, in addition to an introductory text, included paint brushes, drip bottles and canvases so people could do their own flinging and compare the result against a Pollock.  After that, they may agree with collector Peggy Guggenheim (1898-1979) that Pollock was “...the greatest painter since Picasso” or remain unrepentant ultracrepidarians.  Of course, many who thought their own eye for art quite well-trained didn't agree with Ms Guggenheim.  In 1945, just after the war, Duff Cooper (1890–1954), then serving as Britain's ambassador to France, came across Pablo Picasso (1881–1973) leaving an exhibition of paintings by English children aged 5-10 and in his diary noted the great cubist saying he "had been much impressed".  "No wonder" added the ambassador, "the pictures are just as good as his".   

Helen A Harrison, The Jackson Pollock Box (Cider Mill Press, 96pp, ISBN-10:1604331860, ISBN-13:978-1604331868).

Dresses & drips: Three photographs by Cecil Beaton (1904-1980), shot for a three-page feature in Vogue (March 1951) titled American Fashion: The New Soft Look which juxtaposed Pollock’s paintings hung in New York’s Betty Parsons Gallery with the season’s haute couture by Irene (1872-1951) & Henri Bendel (1868-1936).

Beaton choose the combinations of fashion and painting and probably pairing Lavender Mist (1950, left) with a short black ball gown of silk paper taffeta with large pink bow at one shoulder and an asymmetrical hooped skirt by Bendel best illustrates the value of his trained eye.  Critics and social commentators have always liked these three pages, relishing the opportunity to comment on the interplay of so many of the clashing forces of modernity: the avant-garde and fashion, production and consumption, abstraction and representation, painting and photography, autonomy and decoration, masculinity and femininity, art and commerce.  Historians of art note it too because it was the abstract expressionism of the 1940s which was both uniquely an American movement and the one which in the post-war years saw the New York supplant Paris as the centre of Western art.  There have been interesting discussions about when last it could be said Western art had a "centre".

Eye of the beholder: Portrait of Lindsay Lohan in the style of Claude Monet at craiyon.com and available at US$26 on an organic cotton T-shirt made in a factory powered by renewable energy.

Whether the arguments about what deserves to be called “art” began among prehistoric “artists” and their critics in caves long ago isn’t known but it’s certainly a dispute with a long history.  In the sense it’s a subjective judgment the matter was doubtless often resolved by a potential buyer declining to purchase but during the twentieth century it became a contested topic and there were celebrated exhibits and squabbles which for decades played out before, in the post modern age, the final answer appeared to be something was art if variously (1) the creator said it was or (2) an art critic said it was or (3) it was in an art gallery or (4) the price tag was sufficiently impressive.

So what constitutes “art” is a construct of time, place & context which evolves, shaped by historical, cultural, social, economic, political & personal influences, factors which in recent years have had to be cognizant of the rise of cultural equivalency, the recognition that Western concepts such as the distinction between “high” (or “fine”) art and “folk” (or “popular”) art can’t be applied to work from other traditions where cultural objects are not classified by a graduated hierarchy.  In other words, everybody’s definition is equally valid.  That doesn’t mean there are no longer gatekeepers because the curators in institutions such as museums, galleries & academies all discriminate and thus play a significant role in deciding what gets exhibited, studied & promoted, even though few would now dare to suggest what is art and what is not: that would be cultural imperialism.

In the twentieth century it seemed to depend on artistic intent, something which transcended a traditional measure such as aesthetic value but as the graphic art in advertising and that with a political purpose such as agitprop became bigger, brighter and more intrusive, such forms also came to be regarded as art or at least worth of being studied or exhibited on the same basis, in the same spaces as oil on canvas portraits & landscapes.  Once though, an unfamiliar object in such places could shock as French painter & sculptor Marcel Duchamp (1887-1968) managed in 1917 when he submitted a porcelain urinal as his piece for an exhibition in New York, his rationale being “…everyday objects raised to the dignity of a work of art by the artist's act of choice.”  Even then it wasn’t a wholly original approach but the art establishment has never quite recovered and from that urinal to Dadaism, to soup cans to unmade beds, it became accepted that “anything goes” and people should be left to make of it what they will.  Probably the last remaining reliable guide to what really is "art" remains the price tag.

1948 Cisitalia 202 GT (left; 1947-1952) and 1962 Jaguar E-Type (1961-1974; right), Museum of Modern Art (MoMA), New York City.

Urinals tend not to be admired for their aesthetic qualities but there are those who find beauty in things as diverse as mathematical equations and battleships.  Certain cars have long been objects which can exert an emotional pull on those with a feeling for such things and if the lines are sufficiently pleasing, many flaws in engineering are often overlooked.  New York’s Museum of Modern Art (MoMA) acknowledged in 1972 that such creations can be treated as works of art when they added a 1948 Cisitalia 202 GT finished in “Cisitalia Red” (MoMA object number 409.1972) to their collection, the press release noting it was “…the first time that an art museum in the U.S. put a car into its collection.”  Others appeared from time-to-time and while the 1953 Willys-Overland Jeep M-38A1 Utility Truck (MoMA object number 261.2002) perhaps is not conventionally beautiful, its brutish functionalism has a certain simplicity of form and in the exhibition notes MoMA clarified somewhat by describing it as a “rolling sculpture”, presumably in the spirit of a urinal being a “static sculpture”, both to be admired as pieces of design perfectly suited to their intended purpose, something of an art in itself.  Of the 1962 Jaguar E-Type (XKE) open two seater (OTS, better known as a roadster and acquired as MoMA object number 113.996), there was no need to explain because it’s one of the most seductive shapes ever rendered in metal.  Enzo Ferrari (1898-1988) attended the 1961 Geneva Motor Show (now defunct) when the Jaguar staged its stunning debut and part of E-Type folklore is he called it “the most beautiful car in the world”.  Whether those words ever passed his lips isn’t certain because the sources vary slightly in detail and il Commendatore apparently never confirmed or denied the sentiment but it’s easy to believe and many to this day agree just looking at the thing can be a visceral experience.  The MoMA car is finished in "Opalescent Dark Blue" with a grey interior and blue soft-top; there are those who think the exhibit would be improved if it was in BRG (British Racing Green) over tan leather but anyone who finds a bad line on a Series 1 E-Type OTS is truly an ultracrepidarian.   

Mullet

Mullet (pronounced muhl-it)

(1) Any of various teleost food marine or freshwater, usually gray fishes of the family Mugilidae (grey mullet (order Mugiliformes)) or Nullidae (red mullet (order Syngnathiformes)), having a nearly cylindrical body; a goatfish; a sucker, especially of the genus Moxostoma (the redhorses).

(2) A hairstyle in which the hair is short in the front and at the sides of the head, and longer in the back; called also the “hockey player haircut" and the "soccer rocker"; the most extreme form is called the skullet, replacing the earlier hockey hair.

(3) In heraldry, a star-like charge having five or six points unless a greater number is specified, used especially as the cadency (any one of several systems used to distinguish between similar coats of arms belonging to members of the same family) mark of a third son; known also as American star & Scottish star.  The alternative spelling is molet.

(4) In slang (apparently always in the plural), a reference to one’s children (two or more).

(5) In slang, a person who mindlessly follows a fad, trend or leader; a generally dim-witted person.

(6) In dress design, a design based on the hairstyle, built around the concept of things being longer at the back, tapering progressively shorter towards the sides and the front.  The name is modern, variations of the style go back centuries.

1350-1400: The use in heraldry is from the Middle English molet(te), from the Old French molete (rowel of a spur), the construct being mole (millstone (the French meule) + -ette (the diminutive suffix).  The reference to the fish species dates from 1400–50, from the late Middle English molet, mulet & melet, from the Old French mulet (red mullet), from the Medieval Latin muletus, from the Latin muletus & moletus from mullus (red mullet) from the Ancient Greek μύλλος (múllos & mýllos) (a Pontic of fish), which may be related to melos (black) but the link is speculative.

The use to describe the hairstyle is said to date from 1994, thought to be a shortening of the slang mullethead (blockhead, fool, idiot ("mull" used in the sense of "to dull or stupefy")), popularized and possibly coined by US pop-music group the Beastie Boys in their song Mullet Head (1994), acknowledged by the Oxford English Dictionary (OED) as the first use "in print" although the origin use is contested.  Mullethead also was a name used in the mid nineteenth century of a large, flat-headed North American freshwater fish which gained a reputation for stupidity (ie was easily caught).  As a surname, Mullet is attested in both France and England from the late thirteenth century, the French form thought related to the Old French mul (mule), the English from the Middle English molet, melet & mulet (mullet) a metonymic occupational name for a fisherman or seller of these fish although some sources do suggest a link to a nickname derived from mule (a beast with a reputation for (1) an ability to carry a heavy burden and (2) stubbornness).  The now less fashionable Australian slang form "stunned mullet" is used to imply that someone appears "especially or unusually dim-witted".

The "mullet" label casts a wide net: Red mullet (Goatfish) (left) and grey mullet (right).

In ichthyology, fish of the family Mugilidae are distinguished variously by modifiers including black mullet, bright mullet, bully mullet, callifaver mullet, grey mullet, diamond mullet, finger mullet, flathead mullet, hardgut mullet, Lebranche mullet, mangrove mullet, pearl mullet, popeye mullet, red mullet, river mullet, sea mullet, so-iuy mullet & striped mullet.  Mullet is a noun and mullety and mulletlike & mulleted are adjectives (as verbs mulleted and mulleting are non-standard as is the adjective mulletesque).  The noun plural is mullet if applied collectively to two or more species of the fish and mullets for other purposes (such as two or more fish of the same species and the curious use as a (class-associated) slang term parents use to refer to their children if there are two or more although use in the singular isn’t recorded; apparently they can have two (or more) mullets but not one mullet.

The Mullet  

Proto-mullet.

The mullet hairstyle goes back a long way.  The Great Sphinx of Giza is thought to be some four and a half thousand years old but evidence of men & women with hair cut short at the front and sides, long at the back, exists from thousands of years earlier.  It’s assumed by historians the cut would variously have been adopted for functional reasons (warmth for the neck and freedom for obstruction of the eyes & face) although aesthetics has probably always been a feature of the human character so it may also have been a preferred style.  There are many findings in the archaeological record and references to the hair style appear in the histories of many cultures.  In the West, the acceptability of longer cuts for men was one of the social changes of the 1960s and the mullet was one style to again arise; from there it’s never gone away although, as the mullet came to be treated as a class-identifier, use did become more nuanced, some claiming to wear one ironically.  The other sense in which "proto-mullet" is used is of a mulletlike hairstyle which at the back is shorter than the full-fledged mullet (such also once called the "tailgate" or "mudflap"). 

Rime of the Ancient Mullet: Samuel Taylor Coleridge (1772–1834).

Opinion remains divided and some schools have gone as far as to ban mullets because of an alleged association with anti-social or disruptive behavior.  At the other end of the spectrum there are are mullet competitions with prizes including trophies and bottles of bourbon whiskey.  It's suspected those who disapprove of the style, if asked to pick the "worst mullet", would likely choose the same contestants winning "best mullet" in their categories.  The competitions seem popular and are widely publicized, although the imagery can be disturbing for those with delicate sensibilities not often exposed to certain sub-cultures.  Such folk are perhaps more familiar with the Romantic poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge but there was a time when he wore a mullet although the portraits which survive suggest his might not have been sufficiently ambitious to win any modern contests.

Emos with variegated tellums: Black & copper (left) and black, magenta, blue & grey (right).

Associated initially with that most reliable of trend-setters, the emo, the tellum (mullet spelled backwards), more helpfully described as the “reverse mullet” is, exactly as suspected, long in front and short at the back.  Definitely a thing exclusively of style because it discards the functionally which presumably was the original rationale for the mullet, emos often combine the look with one or more lurid colors, the more patient sometimes adopting a spiky look which can be enlivened with a different color for each spike.  That’s said to be quite high-maintenance.  The asymmetric tellum can be engineered to provide a dramatic look, concealing much of the face, the power of effect said to be to force the focus onto the one exposed eye.  True obsessives use colored contact lens to match whatever is the primary hue applied to the the hair. 

Martina Navratilova (b 1956) playing a backhand shot.

On a tennis court, a mullet is functional and there are headband users who wrongly have been accused of being mulleteers.  No more monolithic than any others, it’s probably absurd to think of any of the component part of the LGBTQQIAAOP as being a visually identifiable culture but there appears to have been a small lesbian sub-set in the 1980s which adopted the mullet although motives were apparently mixed, varying from (1) chauvinistic assertiveness of the lesbionic, (2) blatant signalling when advertising for a mate to (3) just another haircut.  Despite that, there's little to suggest that in isolation a mullet on a woman tends to be used as a GABOSO (general association based on single observation) to assume she's a lesbian.

Caitlyn Jenner (when identified as Bruce) with mullet at different stages of transition.

It also featured in a recent, celebrated case of gender-fluidity, Bruce Jenner (b 1949) photographed sporting a mullet shortly before beginning his transition to Caitlyn Jenner.  However, the mullet may be unrelated to the change, the photographic record confirming his long-time devotion to the cut and, since transitioning to Caitlyn, it seems to have been retired for styles more overtly traditionally feminine.

A MulletFest entrant in the Junior (14 to 17 Years category).

In Australia, the mullet is much associated with the bogan, one of sociology’s more striking cross-cultural overlaps.  The correlation is of course not 1:1 but while the perception that all mullet-wearers are bogans is probably about right, not all bogans sport a mullet and they’re even credited with at least popularizing the “skull mullet” which takes the “short at the sides” idea down almost to the skin.  At the institutional level, there’s MulletFest which tours the nation conducting “Best Mullet Competitions” at appropriate events (rodeos, agricultural shows, meetings for those displaying hotted-up cars et al) with inclusive categories including five for children (age-based), rangas (redheads), vintage (for the over 50s), grubby (the criteria unclear) and the mysterious “extreme”.  All entrants are “…judged on their haircut, overall presentation and stage presence, and the person with the “Best Mullet of them All” is crowned on the day and takes home that worthy honour.”  Proceeds from MulletFest events are donated to local charities.

The Mullet Skirt

Charles II (1630–1685; King of Scotland 1649-1651, King of Scotland, England and Ireland 1660-1685) an early adopter of the mullet style, in his coronation robes (circa 1661), oil on canvas by John Michael Wright (1617–1694 (left) and two view of Lindsay Lohan, also with much admired legs, following the example of the House of Stuart, Los Angeles, August 2012 (centre & right).  Charles II got more fun out of life than his father (Charles I (1600–1649; King of England, Scotland & Ireland 1625-1649) and possibly more even than Charles III (b 1948; King of the United Kingdom since 2022), the House of Windsor's latest monarch.  Both Charles I & Charles III also rocked the mullet look for their coronations and fashionistas can debate who wore it best.

Sewing pattern for mullet dress (left) and or the catwalk, Miranda Kerr (b 1983, left) demonstrates a pale pink high-low celebrity prom or graduation party dress, Liverpool Fashion Fest Runway, Mexico City, March 2011 (right).

The style of the mullet skirt long pre-dates the use of the name and the same concept used to be called "tail skirt", "train skirt" or "high-low circle skirt" (which in commercial use often appeared as "Hi-Lo skirt"), the terms still often used by those who find the mere mention of mullet distasteful.  The pattern for the fabric cut is deceptively simple but as in any project involving other than straight lines, it can be difficult to execute and the less volume that's desired in the garment, the harder it becomes to produce with precision.  That so many mullet dresses are bulky is probably a stylistic choice but the volume of fabric is handy for obscuring any inconsistencies.

The cheat cut mullet skirt.

Seamstresses do however have a trick which can work to convert an existing skirt into a mullet although again, it does work best if there's a lot of fabric.  Essentially, the trick is to lay the skirt perfectly flat, achieved by aligning the side seams (if there are no side seams, describe two with chalk lines); use a true, hard surface like a hardwood floor or a table to ensure no variations intrude.  Then, draw the cutting line, describing the shape to permit the extent of mulletness desired.  Unless absolutely certain, it's best to cult less, then try on the garment; if it's not enough, re-cut, repeating the process if necessary.  Because a hem will be needed, the cut should allow the loss of a ½ inch (50 mm) of fabric.

January Jones (b 1978 left) wore a blue “sea wave” piece from the Atelier Versace Spring 2010 collection to that year’s Emmy Awards ceremony and it was definitely a mullet.  Emma Stone’s (b 1988, centre left & centre right) sequined dress from Chanel's Fall 2009 haute couture collection, worn at the 2011 Vanity Fair Oscar party, was one of the season’s most admired outfits but it is not a mullet because it resembles one only when viewed at a certain angle; it should be regarded as an interpretation of the “train skirt”.  Caitlin FitzGerald (b 1983, right) appeared at the 2014 Golden Globes award ceremony in an Emilia Wickstead dress which featured an anything but straight hemline but it was not a mullet because the designer's intent was not to seek a "mullet effect"' it was a dress with a "swishy" skirt.  So, conceptually, the mullet dress is something like adding an "integrated cloak" to an outfit and the implications of that mean the result will sit somewhere on a spectrum and as with all mullets, there is a beginning, a middle and an end.