Knave

 Knave (pronounced neyv)

(1) An unprincipled, untrustworthy, or dishonest person.  A rogue (archaic).

(2) A card (1 x hearts, diamonds, clubs, spades) in the standard fifty-two card pack of playing cards.  Also known as the Jack, the choice of word being sometimes used as an indicator either of class or geographical origin.

(3) A male servant of the lower ranks (archaic).

(4) A man of humble position (archaic).

Pre 1000: From the late Old English cnafa (boy, male child; male servant) from the Proto-Germanic knabon- (source also of the Old High German knabo (boy, youth, servant) and the German knabe (boy, lad)) and thought likely related to the Old English cnapa (boy, youth, servant), the Old Norse knapi (servant boy), the Dutch knaap (a youth, servant), the Middle High German knappe (a young squire) and the German Knappe (squire, shield-bearer).  The ultimate origin is a mystery, the most popular speculation being "stick, piece of wood".  Knave, knavess & knavery are nouns, knavish is an adjective and and knavishly is an adverb; the noun plural is knaves.

Cards and class

The sense of a "rogue or rascal" emerged circa 1200, thought probably reflective of a the (ever-present) societal tendency to equate the poor and “those of low birth" with poor character and propensity to crime, English poet & satirist Alexander Pope (1688-1744) in Essay on Man (1732-1734), capturing the feeling: “From the next row to that whence you took the knave, take the seven; from the next row take the five; from the next the queen.  To show mercy towards such a knave is an outrage to society!”  Despite that however, in Middle English didn’t lose the non-pejorative meaning, a knave-child (from the Scottish knave-bairn) being a male child.  The use in playing cards began in the 1560s, a knave being always the lowest scoring of the court cards.

Lindsay Lohan's Royal Routine (Ace down to the 10 in one suit) in The Parent Trap (1998).  The most desirable of the 40 different straight flush possibilities, under standard poker rules, the odds against holding a Royal Routine are 649,739:1 whereas those of any straight flush are a more accessible 72,192:1.  The difference in the math is there are fewer cards available for a Royal Routine to be assembled.

The use of Jack in cards came from the influence of French.  What the French called a valet, the English knew as a knave (in the sense of a young, male servant).  During the seventeenth century the French started to call such staff “Jack” apparently on the basis of it being a common name among the serving class; it was also the name used for the Knave of trumps at the game All Fours.  Although it appears widely to have been played by all classes, All Fours suffered, perhaps because it was a quick, trick-taking game, the reputation of being something enjoyed only by the lower classes and the choice of “knave” or “jack” came to be treated as a class-signifier, Charles Dickens (1812-1870) in Great Expectations (1860-1861) having Estella express scorn for Pip’s use of the latter.  The class-consciousness in English extends to the adoption of the German Bauer (farmer or peasant), as Bower, collectively to describe (usually when a pair of trumps (by color)) the Jacks in some games.  Knave survived in widespread use well into the twentieth century but US cultural influence has rendered it now mostly obsolete except for a few games where it persists and possibly among those who prefer a dish of tea to a cup.

In packs of cards, Knave (marked Kn) was used until Jack (J) became entrenched after 1864 when, US card-maker Samuel Hart published a deck using J instead of Kn to designate the knave to avoid confusion with the visually similar King (marked K).  Historically, in some southern Italian, Spanish and Portuguese decks, there were androgynous knaves sometimes referred to as maids.  This tradition survives only in the Sicilian Tarot deck where the knaves are unambiguously female and always known as maids.

In Tarot

The Jack of Spades card indicates a young man of dark complexion, cunning and devious.  Intelligent, brilliant even, but cynical and exploitative, he will use you and walk away.  The Jack of Spades is a sign you will face adversity from a ruthless person; he cannot be trusted.  The central problem in dealing with Jack of Spades types is they're inherently transactional so a relationship can seem wondrously fulfilling and probably is until it outlives its usefulness at which point one will be cast adrift... or worse.  Exemplary Jack of Spades: Donald Trump (b 1946; US president 2017-2021; president elect 2024).  

The Jack of Clubs means a good friend.  Although flirtatious, he is a sincere, skilful and brave young man.  For a woman, this card represents her fiancé but for a man, it means a more successful and richer rival. This card also signifies education and intelligence.  There's a fine nuance in Tarot between the Jacks of Clubs and Hearts in that for men it means a rival and for women a fiancé and the latter hopes he may also be represented by Hearts.  Exemplary Jack of Clubs: Elon Musk FRS (b 1971).

The Jack of Hearts signifies an honest young man in love. He is attractive, kind and generous, the card often announcing a new and intimate friendship. As a lover, the Jack of Hearts is trustworthy, even when absent he will be faithful.  Committed and sincere, he's a most eligible bachelor and thus a "good catch".  Tarot readers though cast a wide vista and drawing the Jack of Hearts is as likely to be indicative of the  arrival of a good, dependable friend as it is of impending romance.  Exemplary Jack of Hearts: Sir Tony Blair (b 1953; UK prime-minister 1997-2007).

The Jack of Diamonds represents the Messenger, symbolising also an unfaithful assistant or dishonest merchant or employee. The Jack of diamonds is a young man who comes and goes, taking more than is permitted and although quick-witted and cunning, is not trustworthy although like Jack of Diamonds Bernie Madoff (1938–2021), they can dazzle to deceive.  Exemplary Jack of Spades: Michael Cohen (b 1966; personal counsel to Donald Trump 2006-2018).

Of kings, axes and swords.

While suits are great significance to tarot card readers, in poker the rules the rules recognize only numbers and the odds the combination of cards create: a full house (3 of one card, 2 of another) with odds of 693.1667:1 beats a flush (5 cards of the same suit), a hand with odds of 507.8019:1.  The royal routine's odds are a less than encouraging 649,739:1.  The face cards are assigned a nominal number (Jack=11, Queen=12, King=13) and the Ace is a special case, able to assume a value of “1” or “14” and thus able to be used to create an “A-2-3-4-5” or a “10-J-Q-K-A” straight.  Because, in hands of equal numerical count, the suits do not affect the math used to calculate the odds, in the unlikely (though not impossible) event four players at a table each have a royal routine, the pot is split four ways.  However, except in competitions conducted under defined rules, there is no reason why a house can’t create a “tie-breaker” rule which assigns a hierarchy to the suits.  Provided the rule is clear, unambiguous and adequately communicated to all players, it should be uncontroversial and would define the winner if more than one straight flush of the same numeric.

Goblin

Goblin (pronounced gob-lin)

(1) In folklore, a small grotesque supernatural creature (depicted often as elf or sprite, regarded as mischievous and malevolent towards people.

(2) In modern fiction, one of various hostile supernatural creatures, in fantasy writing often depicted as malicious, grotesque and diminutive humanoids (sometimes also described as trolls or orcs.

1300–1350: From the Middle English gobelin & gobelyn (a devil, incubus, mischievous and ugly fairy), from the Middle French, from the Old Northern French gobelin (the source also of the Norman goubelin and the Walloon gobelin), perhaps a blend of the Old Dutch kobeholdo (goblin) (related also to the Dutch kabouter, the Middle High German kobold and the German Kobold) and the Late Latin cobalus (mountain sprite), from the Ancient Greek κόβαλος (kóbalos) (rogue, knave; goblin).  It displaced the native Old English pūca and was later picked up by some Easter European languages including Polish and Serbo-Croatian.  Goblin is a noun; the noun plural is goblins.

Curiously, in the twelfth century, there was also the Medieval Latin gobelinus, the name of a spirit haunting the region of Evreux, in chronicle of Orderic (Ordericus in the Latin) Vitalis) (1075-circa 1142) which etymologists say is unrelated either to the Germanic kobold or the Medieval Latin cabalus, from the Greek kobalos (impudent rogue, knave) & kobaloi (wicked spirits invoked by rogues), of unknown origin; it’s speculated it may be a diminutive of the proper name Gobel chosen for some reason (even as an in-joke) by the author.  Orderic’s Chronicles have been extensively cross-referenced against other primary and secondary sources and historians regard them as among the more reliable Medieval texts.  His other great work was the Historia Ecclesiastica, written in the last twenty years of his life (the bulk of the text composed between 1123-1132).  One interesting aspect of the history noted by etymologists was that although the French gobelin seems not to have appeared for over two centuries after the word emerged in English, it does appear in twelfth century texts in Medieval Latin and it’s thought few people who in some way adhered to folk magic used Medieval Latin.  John Wycliffe (circa 1328–1384) must have thought the word sufficiently well-known to use it in his translation of the Bible (published 1382-1395) intended to be read by (or more typically read to) a wide audience.  Psalms 91:5: Thou schalt not drede of an arowe fliynge in the dai, of a gobelyn goynge in derknessis.  Unfortunately, in the King James Version (KJV; 1611), the passage was rendered as the less evocative: Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day.

A goblin shark (left) and a 1962 Dodge Dart station wagon (right).

The horrid looking goblin shark (Mitsukurina owstoni, also knonw as the elfin shark), goblin shark a calque of its traditional Japanese name tenguzame (tengu a Japanese mythical creature often depicted with a long nose and red face).  The last survivor of ancient lineage and one that retains several "primitive" traits, it's been called a "living fossil" and despite the fearsome appearance, dwelling at great depth, there have been no reports of attacks on people.  There's nothing to suggest Dodge's stylists were in the early 1960s influenced by the sight of a goblin shark; within Chrysler, it was just their time of "peak weirdness".

The system works: A goblin shark eats a fish.  Things didn't work out so well for the 1962 Chryslers which received some hasty re-styles to achieve a more conventional look. 

Folklore (and latter-day fantasy writing) has produced a number of derived terms including gobbo, goblette, gobioid, gobony, goblincore, goblinish, goblinize, goblinkind, goblinry, goblinesque & goblinish.  The history of the goblin’s depiction as something grotesque attracted some in zoology who named the goblin spider (which doesn’t look much more frightening than most arthropods) and the truly bizarre goblin shark which does live up to the name.  The noun hobgoblin dates from the 1520s, the construct being hob (elf), from Hobbe, a variant of Rob (short for Robin Goodfellow, an elf character in German folklore) + goblin.  Hobgoblins & goblins are all supernatural and all regard humans with malicious intent.  Traditionally, they are depicted as human-animal hybrids with an appearance tending to the former and they were said to assail, afflict and generally annoy folk before retreating to their haunts under bridges on in secluded spots in forests; Shakespeare’s contrast being: “Be thou a spirit of health or goblin damn'd,” (Hamlet, act I, scene 4).  Gremlins are a more modern creation and are especially prevalent in machinery, breaking things and disrupting production, their cousins in software being bugs.

Goblins from Texas en masse (left) and the one-off Goblin, Perth, Australia, 1959.

Although there have been Demons and Ghosts, no car manufacture seems ever have been tempted to build a Goblin although one Texas-based operation does offer a minimalist kit-car with the name and an enterprising Australian in 1959 chose it for a home-made special.  The Antipodean Goblin was the bastard offspring of unpromising origins: the chassis of a 1928 Essex, the drive-train from a wrecked Holden 48-215 (aka FX, 1948-1953).  Unusually for the era in which aluminum or fibreglass was preferred by small-scale producers, the body was all steel and apparently recycled from the donor Holden (although the grill components appear borrowed from the later FJ Holden (1956-1956), re-shaped with lines which owed something to both the MGA and AC Ace, later to become famous as the Shelby American Cobra.  Its fate is unknown but, in the ways of such things, survival is unlikely.

1974 AMC Gremlin X.  Despite the ungainly look, it was a commercial success.

There was however a Gremlin, built between 1970-1978 by American Motors Corporation (AMC) (production in Mexico lasted until 1983 under AMC's Vehículos Automotores Mexicanos (VAM) subsidiary).  Created in the AMC manner (in a hurry, at low cost), the Gremlin was essentially a shortened AMC Hornet (1970-1977) with a kammback tail and was a successful foray into the sub-compact (in US terms) market, something well-timed given the importance the segment would assume during the difficult decade the 1970s became.  Purchased almost exclusively on the basis of cost-breakdown, the Gremlin did however attract the interest of the ever imaginative drag-racing crowd because, although AMC never fitted anything more powerful than a distinctly non-powerful (malaise-era) 304 cubic inch (5.0 litre) V8, because (like Pontiac), AMC used much the same block size for all second-generation V8s, fitting their 401 (6.6) to the Gremlin was simple.  Many were produced, some in small runs with factory support and, being relatively light and small, the performance was more than competitive with some of the notably more expensive competition.

De Havilland Goblin jet-engine schematic (left) and prototype Gloster Meteor (DG207G) with Goblin engines, de Havilland airfield, Hatfield, Hertfordshire, 26 October 1945.

The origin of the jet engine lay in designs by French and German engineers which in principle would have worked but, as the authorities at the time realized, the metallurgy of the time hadn’t advanced to the point where alloys light enough to be viable and able to withstand the temperatures to which they’d be subjected, hadn’t been developed.  Progress however was made and in 1931 an English engineer was granted a patent for what was the first recognizably modern jet engine although, bizarre as it seems in hindsight, the Air Ministry allowed the patent to lapse and it was the German Heinkel company which first flew a jet-powered aircraft when the He 178 took briefly to the air in August 1939.  Fortunately, the Luftwaffe high-command was as short-sighted as the Air Ministry (“the bloody Air Marshals” Lord Beaverbrook (1879-1964) called them while minister for aircraft production (1940-1941)) and, knowing their immediate need was for a capable, reliable fighter force within two years, declined to fund development of a project which would absorb at least three years of expensive development to be battle-ready.  The British however by then saw the potential and in June 1939 ordered production of experimental airframes and engines; it was these which would become the basis of the Gloster Meteor, powered by the de Havilland Goblin.  Both would enjoy surprisingly long lives, the Goblin in series production between 1944-1954 while the Meteor, although by then obsolescent, served with the Royal Air Force (RAF) until 1955, while in overseas service, some militaries didn’t retire their last planes until 1974.

Lindsay Lohan in goblin mode.

“Goblin mode” is a neologism for rejecting societal expectations and living in an unkempt, hedonistic manner without regards to self-image and Oxford University Press (OUP), publishers of the Oxford English Dictionary (OED), recently announced “goblin mode” as their 2022 word of the year.  Ignoring (as in the past) criticism from pedants they had picked a phrase rather than a word, OUP also provided a mini-usage guide, suggesting the most popular forms were “I am in goblin mode” or “to go goblin mode” and the meaning imparted was “unapologetically self-indulgent, lazy, slovenly, or greedy”.  This year’s award differs from OUP’s usual practice in that it was chosen by public vote from a choice of three selected by their lexicographers.  Unlike some recent elections, there can be no suggesting this one was “stolen”, goblin mode winning in a landslide with 318,956 votes, 93% of the valid ballots cast.  While it can’t be proven, the margin of victory might have been greater still had those already in goblin mode not been too lazy to bother voting.

The win has provoked some comment because, despite having been used on-line since first appearing (apparently on twitter) in 2009, it’s hardly been popular and some have speculated its success can be attributed to it being the one which most appealed to an audience with memories of COVID-19 lockdowns still raw, a goodly number of voters probably recognizing it was goblin mode into which many had lapsed during isolation.  The other choices OUP offered were “Metaverse” and #IStandWith”, both probably more familiar but, lacking novelty and the quality of self-identification, clearly less appealing.  OUP also noted the suggestion there may be in the zeitgeist, something of a rebellion against “the increasingly unattainable aesthetic standards and unsustainable lifestyles exhibited on social media”.

The Nightmare (1781), oil on canvas by the Swiss-English painter John Henry Fuseli (1741-1825), Detroit Institute of Arts.  It's a popular image to use to illustrate something "nightmare related".

When the political activist Max Eastman (1883–1969) visited Sigmund Freud (1856-1939) in Vienna in 1926, he observed a print of Fuseli's The Nightmare, hung next to Rembrandt's  (Rembrandt Harmenszoon van Rijn; 1606-1669) The Anatomy Lesson.  Although well known for his work on dream analysis (although it’s the self-help industry more than the neo-Freudians who have filled the book-shelves), Freud never mentions Fuseli's famous painting in his writings but it has been used by others in books and papers on the subject.  The speculation is Freud liked the work (clearly, sometimes, a painting is just a painting) but nightmares weren’t part of the intellectual framework he developed for psychoanalysis which suggested dreams (apparently of all types) were expressions of wish fulfilments while nightmares represented the superego’s desire to be punished; later he would refine this with the theory a traumatic nightmare was a manifestation of “repetition compulsion”.  The juxtaposition of sleeping beauty and goblin provoked many reactions when first displayed and encouraged Fuseli to paint several more versions.  The Nightmare has been the subject of much speculation and interpretation, including the inevitable debate between the Freudians and Jungians and was taken as a base also by political cartoonists, a bunch more nasty in earlier centuries than our more sanitized age.

Crook

Crook (pronounced krook)

(1) A bent or curved implement, piece, appendage, etc; hook.

(2) The hooked part of anything.

(3) An instrument or implement having a bent or curved part, as a shepherd's staff hooked at one end or the crosier of a bishop or abbot.

(4) A bend or curve; a bent or curved part; a curving piece or portion of something).

(5) In slang, a person who steals, lies, cheats or does other dishonest or illegal things; a criminal; to steal, cheat, or swindle; an artifice; a trick; a contrivance.

(6) To bend; curve; a bend or curve.

(7) In slang, sick; unwell; feeble (Australia & New Zealand).

(8) In slang, out of order; functioning improperly; unsatisfactory; disappointing (Australia & New Zealand).

(9) In etiquette (as “to crook the knee”), a bending of the knee; a genuflection.

(10) A lock or curl of hair (obsolete).

(11) In structural engineering, a support beam consisting of a post with a cross-beam resting upon it; a bracket or truss consisting of a vertical piece, a horizontal piece, and a strut.

(12) A specialized staff with a semi-circular bend (called “the hook”) at one end and used by shepherds to control their flocks (a small scale version of which (as the pothook) is used in cooking to suspend a pot over a heat-source.  The spellings pot hook & pot-hook also appear in in modern use.  As a structural component of handwriting, a glyph in the shape is also called a pothook.

(13) In the traditional Christian churches, a bishop's standard staff of office, the shape of which emulates those historically used by shepherds, an allusion to the idea of Christ’s relationship to his followers as that of “a shepherd of his flock”, mentions in several passages in scripture including John 10:11 (I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep) and Psalm 23:1 (The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want).

(14) In music, a small tube, usually curved, applied to a trumpet, horn etc to change its pitch or key.

1125-1175: From the Middle English croke & crok (hook-shaped instrument or weapon; tool or utensil consisting of or having as an essential component a hook or curved piece of metal), from the Old English crōc (hook, bend, crook (although the very existence of crōc in Old English is contested by some), from the Proto-Germanic krōkaz (bend, hook), from the primitive Indo-European greg- (tracery, basket, bend).  It was cognate with Old Norse krokr & krāka (hook), the Dutch kreuk (a bend, fold; wrinkle), the Middle Low German kroke & krake (fold, wrinkle), the Danish krog (crook, hook), the Swedish krok (crook, hook), the Icelandic krókur (hook) and the Old High German krācho (hooked tool).    Crook is a noun, verb & adjective, crooks is a verb; crooked is a verb & adjective, crooking is a noun & verb, crooker & crookest are adjectives, crookedly is a adverb and crookedness is a noun; the noun plural is crooks.

Lindsay Lohan with crooked Harvey Weinstein (b 1952).

Crooked (bent, curved, in a bent shape) emerged in the early thirteenth century, the past-participle adjective from the verb crook and the figurative sense of “dishonest, false, treacherous, not straight in conduct; To turn from the path of rectitude; to pervert; to misapply; to twist” was from the same era, the familiar synonyms including rogue, villain, swindler, racketeer, scoundrel, robber, cheat, shyster, knave, pilferer and shark.  In that sense it was from the Middle English crooken, croken & crokien, from the Old English crōcian, from the Proto-West Germanic krōkōn (to bend, wrinkle) and was developed from the noun.  It was cognate with the Dutch kreuken (to crease, rumple) and the German Low German kröken (to bend, offend, suppress).

Leading the flock: Cardinal George Pell (1941-2023) with his bishop's crook.  The church's rituals vie with the Eurovison Song Contest and the Sydney Gay & Lesbian Mardi Gras for having the most variety in the costuming.

The use in the slang of Australia, New Zealand emerged in the nineteenth century and was use variously to convey (1) something or the conduct of someone held to be unsatisfactory or not up to standard, (2) feeling ill or (3) annoyed, angry; upset (as in “to be crook about” or “to go crook at”), the comparative being crooker, the superlative crookest.  The sense of “a swindler” was a creation of late nineteenth century US English and developed from the earlier figurative use as “dishonest, crooked in conduct”, documented since at least the early 1700s, these notions ultimately derived from the use of crook in Middle English to describe a “dishonest trick”, a form prevalent in waring against the means to which the Devil would resort to tempt.  In idiomatic use, “arm in crook” describes two people walking arm-in-arm (ie the arms linked in the crook of the elbow) and “by hook or by crook” means “by any means necessary” although the exact original sense of this has long been a puzzle.

In the White House, crooked Hillary was the gift which just kept giving.

Clockwise from left: Ronald Reagan (1911-2004; US president 1981-1989), Walter Cronkite (1916–2009; CBS Evening News Anchor 1962-1981), James Brady (1940–2014; White House Press Secretary 1981-1989), David Gergen (b 1942; US political operative), Ed Meese (b 1931, US attorney-general 1985–1988), George HW Bush (George XLI, 1924-2018; US president 1989-1993), James Baker (b 1930; US secretary of state 1989-1992) and Burton "bud" Benjamin (1917–1988; CBS News executive 1957-1982) (the White House, 1981, left) and Ronald Reagan recalls the moment with Bill Clinton (b 1946; US president 1993-2001) (the White House, 1992, right).

Crooked Hillary Clinton (b 1947; US secretary of state 2009-2013) gained, however unhappily, the most memorable of the monikers Donald Trump (b 1946; US president 2017-2021 & since 2025) applied so effectively in his campaigns first to secure the Republican nomination and then win the 2016 presidential election.  It was a novel approach to electioneering but there had before been crookedness in the oval office, some of the conduct in the nineteen century truly scandalous and one of Richard Nixon's (1913-1994; US president 1969-1974) not unjustified complaints about life was he and his administration being subject to a level of scrutiny never inflicted on his (Democratic Party) predecessors.  That was illustrated during one of Nixon’s few happy moments during the Watergate scandal when on 26 September 1973 when his speechwriter Pat Buchanan (b 1938) appeared before a congressional committee investigating the manner.  The committee had taken some delight in conducting lengthy sessions during which various Republican Party figures were questioned but as Buchanan produced the facts and figures documenting decades of dirty tricks and actual illegalities by successive Democrat administrations, committee counsel Sam Dash (1925–2004) got him “…off the stand as quickly as possible”.  So crooked Hillary was part of a long political tradition and the label stuck so well to her because it according with the perceptions of many although, in fairness, there were plenty who’d done worse and suffered less. Presumably, crooked Hillary watched with interest to see if any branch of the US justice system succeeded in declaring Donald Trump crooked and she must have been disappointed that although able to be labelled a "convicted felon", the offence related only to a relatively minor matter connected with hush money paid to porn star Stormy Daniels (stage name of Stephanie Gregory, b 1979). One way on another, she could be waiting for some time.

Warren Harding (1865–1923, US president 1921-1923).

Unfairly or not, Warren Harding is now often called crooked, primarily because of the link with the "Teapot Dome" (the name from a geological feature and the affair would these days be called "Teapotdomegate") scandal which occurred under his administration but he wasn’t personally implicated.  However, Teapot Dome was one of many scandals on his watch so his reputation suffered.  Harding was aware he was betrayed by many of the friends and cronies he'd appointed to high office, in 1923 telling one associate: "I have no trouble with my enemies... but my damn friends, my God-damn friends... they're the ones that keep me walking the floor nights!"  He dropped dead while still in office, probably a good career move though such was the mood in Washington DC that rumors circulated his wife had poisoned him so he'd not have to endure more revelations about the sleaze and corruption in his administration.  While it's never been suggested Harding's own fingers were "in the till", he can't escape for the crookedness which occurred under what should have been his gaze.  Soon after becoming president, he lamented: "I am not fit for this office and should never have been here.  I am a man of limited talents from a small town .  I don't seem to grasp that I am president.  I know how far from greatness I am."  It was an unusual admission from a politician but the real problem was how far he was from even a mediocre adequacy.  In a sense it was not his fault because the Republican Party machine, unable to organize the numbers for any of the second-rate field seeking the nomination for 1920, settled on Harding as a "third-rate compromise".  His nomination was thrashed out in "smoke-filled rooms" (then literally that) and the country got exactly what the party had paid for; Theodore Roosevelt’s (TR, 1858–1919; US president 1901-1909) feisty daughter (Alice Roosevelt Longworth (1884–1980)) summed him up better than most political scientists: “Harding was not a bad man. He was just a slob.”.

Richard Nixon & Lyndon Johnson (LBJ, 1908–1973, US president 1963-1969), the White House, 1968.

The 1964 US presidential election in which the candidates were the incumbent Democrat Lyndon Johnson and the Republican Barry Goldwater (1909-1998) was characterized as a contest between “a crook and a kook”, "crooked old Lyndon" notorious for his dubious business and political dealings in Texas and "crazy old Barry", probably unfairly, characterised by his opponents as, from time-to time, unhinged.  The electorate was apparently sanguine about the character traits of the two and, given the choice on election day, voted for the crook, LBJ enjoying one of the biggest electoral landslides in history although his presidency would end badly; consumed by the war in Vietnam, he didn't seek to again run in the 1968 which saw Richard Nixon win in what was the country's most improbable comeback from political adversity until Donald Trump's victory in 2024.

Richard Nixon with Checkers the dog (1952-1964), Washington DC, 1959.  Sometime during the Watergate scandal (if not before) Nixon may have reflected on the remark attributed to Frederick the Great (Frederick II (1712–1786, Prussian king 1740-1786) ): "The more I know of the character of men, the more I appreciate the company of dogs".

Already a national figure for this and that, Richard Nixon added to his notoriety by denying crookedness in his "Checkers speech", made in 1952, rejecting allegations of impropriety which had threatened his place on the Republican ticket as General Dwight Eisenhower’s (1890–1969, US president 1953-1961) running mate in that year’s election.  Though at the time criticised by sophisticates unimpressed by the maudlin, soap opera tone (Franklin Delano Roosevelt (FDR, 1882–1945, US president 1933-1945) had in 1944 used his dog Fala in a speech but he'd played it for laughs), among the public the “Checkers speech” worked and Nixon’s political career survived but two decades later, another speech with the same purpose failed to hold back the Watergate tide.  Held in Florida’s Disney's Contemporary Resort, it was at the 1973 press conference Nixon declared “…in all of my years of public life I have never obstructed justice... People have got to know whether or not their president is a crook. Well, I'm not a crook.”  Little more than a year later, facing impeachment and removal from office, Nixon resigned although, to be fair, when he said “I’m not a crook”, he was speaking of his personal tax arrangements and not the Watergate affair and his legacy, like those of some of his predecessors and successors, need to be assessed separately from his crookedness.

Comrade Chairman Mao (Mao Zedong 1893–1976; chairman of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) 1949-1976, left), Gerald Ford (1913–2006; US president 1974-1977) and Dr Henry Kissinger (1923-2023; US national security advisor 1969-1975 & secretary of state 1937-1977) recalling Nixon's visit to China in 1972.  It's a popular word in politics.  In 1940, Winston Churchill (1875-1965; UK prime-minister 1940-1945 & 1951-1955) was advised by George VI (1895–1952; King of the United Kingdom 1936-1952) not to include Lord Beaverbrook (Maxwell Aitken, 1879-1964) in his administration; among the king’s many concerns was being aware of the reasons the press lord had gained his nickname “been a crook”.

Crooked wheels 

An early Chevrolet Corvair with swing axles, swinging (upper left), diagram of the early (single-pivot) and later (double-pivot) rear suspension (lower left) and swing spin (right), Volkswagen making making a virtue of necessity, a long-running theme in the advertising for the Beetle, the “Think Small” campaign conceived by their US agency Doyle Dane Bernbach (DDB). 

During the inter-war years, swing axles were genuinely an improvement on the solid units then in use and were the most cost-effective way an independent rear suspension could be brought to market but as speeds rose and the grip of tyres rose, their inherent limitations were exposed although the very behavior which could be lethal on the road delighted racing drivers who found it faster to "steer" with the rear wheels; in skilled hands, oversteer is an asset.  By the time the Corvair debuted it was in Europe close to the twilight of both most rear-engines and swing axles although the latter proved surprisingly persistent for a few hold-outs and Mercedes-Benz, despite their experience with the superior De Dion layout) was still producing a handful of 600s (the W100 Grosser; 1963-1981) with swing axles as late as 1981 but the Germans tamed the behavior with special anti-squat & anti-dive geometry as well as a compensating centre device.  Chevrolet did not and with a weight distribution which was even more exaggerated rearward by its relatively heavy and long engine, the Corvair’s handling could be unpredictable, something which the engineers wanted to alleviate by fitting a handful of parts (the cost under US$40) but this the accountants vetoed.  The ensuing crashes, death toll and law suits attracted the interest of consumer lawyer Ralph Nader (b 1934) who wrote Unsafe at Any Speed (1965), a critique on the industry generally although in the public mind it’s always been most associated with the failings of the Corvair which the author made the subject of the opening chapter.  After publication, GM hired private investigators to "dig up dirt" on Nader, but not only was no evidence found of the hoped-for homosexuality but using attractive women as "honey pots" proved no more of a lure.  To add insult to injury, GM's stalking, attempted entrapment and phone-tapping was in 1966 exposed in hearings before the US Senate hearing led by Robert F Kennedy (RFK, 1925–1968; US attorney general 1961-1964).  GM was forced publicly to apologize.

The lovely, Italianesque lines of the second generation Corvair (1966-1969).

Actually, the problems as described applied only to the Corvairs built between 1959-1963 (a partial fix to the suspension applied in 1963 and the double-pivot system installed for 1965) but the damage was done, neither its reputation or sales figures ever recovered (although increasing competition in its market segment certainly affected the latter) and it was only the corporation’s desire to save face which saw the much improved car restyled for 1966, production lingering on until 1969; it may be that Nader’s book actually prolonged the life of the thing.  It was unfortunate because the restyled Corvair was one of the better-looking machines of the era, only the truncated length of the bodywork forward of the cowl detracting from the elegance.

Curiously, after its demise came a coda.  In 1970, responding to pressure from Nader, the Nixon administration commissioned a study comparing the 1963 Corvair with five “similar” vehicles and a report was in 1972 issued by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) which concluded, inter alia, the Corvair’s handling and propensity to roll was comparable with that of “other light domestic cars.”  Nader dismissed the study as “a shoddy, internally contradictory whitewash” and accused the NHTSA of using “biased testing procedures and model selection.”, noting they assessed the 1963 Corvair which Chevrolet significantly had modified to ameliorate the worst of the deficiencies found in those built earlier (a proper "fix" would come with the 1965 range).  The Nixon administration ignored him, presumably taking the view what was good for General Motors was good for the country.  The origin of that famous “quote” is an answer given by Charles Erwin Wilson (1890–1961; US Secretary of Defense 1953-1957) during a confirmation hearing prior to his appointment to cabinet.  Then serving as president of General Motors (GM), he was asked whether, as head of the Department of Defense, he’d be prepared to make decisions that might be detrimental to GM. He responded: “For years I thought what was good for the country was good for General Motors, and vice versa.”  From that came “What's good for General Motors is good for America.” which was at the time an accurate reflection of the corporate world view.

Skunk

Skunk (pronounced skuhngk)

(1) Any of various American musteline mammals (of the weasel family) of the subfamily Mephitinae, especially the Mephitis mephitis (striped skunk), typically having a black and coat with a white, V-shaped stripe on the back and a bushy tail; infamous for the noxious smelling fluid sprayed from two musk glands (anal gland) at the base of the tail when alarmed or attacked

(2) In slang, a most contemptible person; a cheat, knave, scoundrel or stinker.

(3) In slang, anything very bad or a failure; something not a total failure yet with still badly flawed can be described as “skunky” although, in the way of such things, sub-sets of youth have repurposed “skunky” to mean “very good; highly regarded; most satisfactory” (al la the earlier inversion of “filth”), possibly under the influence of the famously potent strain of weed.

(4) In US Navy slang, an unidentified ship or target.

(5) In the slang of drug-users, a strain of Cannabis sativa & Cannabis indica with high levels of tetrahydrocannabinol (THC) (exceeding those of typical hashish), noted for its exceptionally powerful psychoactive properties (also as skunkweed, the name derived from its highly aromatic properties).

(6) In the slang of certain (mostly North American) sports, to defeat thoroughly in a game, especially when the opponent has been prevented from scoring.

(7) In the game of cribbage, a win by 30 or more points (a double skunk 60 or more, a triple skunk 90 or more).

(8) In brewing, of beer, to spoil.

(9) In popular culture, a person whose lifestyle (or as it’s representing in their fashion choices) is a hybrid of the skinhead and punk sub-culture, the construct being sk(inhead) + p(unk).

1625–1630: An early Americanism, described as the Massachusett reflex of the southern New England region Proto-Algonquian šeka·kwa, the construct being šek- (to urinate) + -a·kw (a fox, a fox-like creature); a similar form was noted as the Abnaki segākw, segôgw & segonku (he who squirts urinates).  The first application of the verb was in 1831 when it was used in sport to mean “to completely defeat; to prevent from scoring” and it was used as an insult as early as 1841.  In botany, a local cabbage which gave of a strongly pungent odor when bruised was in 1751 nicknamed skunk-cabbage, having been known as skunkweed since 1738 (botanically unrelated to the later use in drug culture although the etymological influence was similar).

Skunk hair.

The term “skunk hair” originally described a thick blonde highlight applied to dark hair but it’s now used of any two-tone combination (and strictly speaking, beyond two-color schemes it becomes a variegation). Skunk hair is derided by many who treat it as a class-identifier, associating it with those in lower socio-economic demographics, the folk who used to be labelled "not of the better classes".  However, it offers real advantages over other color-changes in that it's possible to design one to accommodate re-growth, something frankly impossible with conventional styles which almost always require maintenance and for true obsessives than can be even weekly.  While it's true there is a genuine "dark roots" aesthetic which on the right subject can be truly stunning, they're a rare breed so it's a niche market few choose to inhabit.  By contrast, a properly executed skunk can last for months.

Lindsay Lohan in 2003 with what is sometimes now described as "skunk hair" although it's better understood as a coloring when the dark/light contrast is more dramatic.

Czech, Danish, German, Norwegian, Swedish and Slovak all adopted the English spelling, other variations including the Finnish skunkki, the French skunks, the Icelandic skunkur, the Japanese: スカンク (sukanku) and the Russian скунс (skuns).  In idiomatic use, the phrase “as welcome as a skunk at a garden party” refers to someone badly behaved who is unwelcome and actively avoided, the analogy essentially literal.  By contrast, “drunk as a skunk” means “highly inebriated” (also “skunked” in the vernacular) and belongs to a class of phrases which make no apparent sense and endure only because of their memorable rhyme although “drunk as a monk” may have come from empirical observation.  Usefully, in polite society, most are acceptable in a way the rhyming “drunk as a cunt” is not.  Skunk and skunks are nouns & verbs, skunking is a verb, skunked is an adjective & verb, skunky & skunkish are adjectives; the noun plural is skunks or (especially collectively) skunk.  The adverb skunkily is a non-standard form and the verb skunkify appears exclusive to drug and related cultures.

Skunkworks

Lockheed Martin’s Skunk Works logo.

A favored term in industries such as motorsport, aviation, defense, aerospace and ICT, a skunkworks is a research & development (R&D) facility within a large organization which exists to pursue special or urgent projects which can’t conveniently be pursued within the normal structures.  A skunkworks was originally a distinct physical space but latterly it’s been used also to describe concepts or projects and skunkworks can be either ad-hoc creations which are dissolved when their purpose has been fulfilled or they can evolve into permanent institutions.  One of the attractions of the skunkworks concept is that, properly implemented, it operates without the apparently inevitable bureaucracy which evolves in large corporations, stifling and suppressing new ideas.  In a skunkworks, the only administrative structures which exist are there directly to handle the needs of the project, unlike corporate bureaucracies which rather than being a means to an end, tend to become an impediment to the means.

Airframe nose-cone outside the skunkworks tent, circa 1943.

The origin of the term dates from 1943 when the Lockheed Aircraft Corporation needed urgently to develop a jet-engined pursuit (fighter) aircraft to counter the imminent threat intelligence suggested the allied air forces would soon face from German jet-fighters.  With war production operating at high-intensity, Lockheed’s factories were operating at 100% capacity and thus no space was available for the project so somewhere had to be found.  The details of quite what happened next have become the stuff of industry myth & legend but according to Lockheed-Martin’s official history, a large circus tent was rented and erected next to the closest available space which turned out to be adjacent to a processing facility which used processes emitting a strong odor.  These wafted over, permeating the tent and one of the engineers recalled the newspaper comic strip, "Li'l Abner," in which there was a running joke about a mysterious and malodorous place deep in the forest called the "Skonk Works" where a strong drink was brewed from skunks, old shoes and other strange ingredients.  One day, the engineer answered the telephone by saying "Skonk Works” and, in the way Chinese whispers work, his fellow employees decided it was the punchier “skunk works”, the name adopted by Lockheed as the official pseudonym for their Advanced Development Projects (ADP) division (now Advanced Development Programs).  There are variations of the story including which omits any mention of a tent, suggesting the ADP began in the mot-balled 3G distillery which still reeked with the smells of making bourbon but Lockheed-Martin has published a photograph of a prototype aircraft nose-cone with the tent in the background.

Lockheed P-80 Shooting Star.

The Lockheed P-80 Shooting Star was the first skunkworks project although the team did undertake some work on the P-38 Lightning, first flown in 1939.  The first P-80 was built in a remarkable 147 days which, even given the urgency of wartime production which tended to compress many development programs, did seem to vindicate the skunkworks concept.  The P-80 reflected the thinking of the time and essentially optimized the airframe of a piston-engined fighter around a jet engine.  In that sense it was a developmental cul-de-sac and future directions would be set by the German’s Messerschmitt 262, all designers influenced by the swept-wings and other aerodynamic enhancements which would define the next generation of fighters.  However, the P80’s design was fundamentally sound, in 1946 setting a new world speed record of 623.8 mph (1003.8 km/h) and versions were still used as front-line fighters in the Korean War (1950-1953) although the unexpected appearance in the skies of Russian-built Mikoyan-Gurevich MiG-15s (NATO reporting name: Fagot) saw the US rush to send squadrons of North American F86 Sabres to match the swing-wing threat.  However, some overseas customers used them as fighters as late as 1974 and so versatile did the platform prove that it continued to be developed in a number of roles including reconnaissance, the US military maintaining a fleet as jet-trainers until well into the 1990s.

Lockheed Martin SR-72 conceptual rendering.

Other skunkworks projects of note include the U-2 spy plane which played a notable role during the Cold War, the F-104 Starfighter which earned two nicknames (“the manned missile” & “the widow maker”; a brace which may be thought of as cause and effect), the high-speed, high-altitude SR-71 Blackbird which in the 1960s set records which stand today and the F-22 Raptor, thirty-odd years on still the world’s most capable short-range interceptor which would have been produced in much greater numbers had not the USSR dissolved, ending the notion of dog-fights over Berlin being part of the Pentagon’s war-planning.  Much of their work appears now to be devoted to hypersonic (Mach 5 (5 x the speed of sound and beyond)) unmanned aerial vehicles (which should be called "UAVs", the common moniker "drone" not appropriate for these)) platforms for one purpose and another.  Most of the projects are thus far still vaporware although there have been notable advances in systems and specific components but the most dramatic (and best publicized), the SR-72 seems unlike to proceed even to the prototype stage although the speculated shape does suggest the engineers who ran the numbers on the Concorde's wind-tunnel sessions in the 1960s did their sums correctly.  Whatever form of hypersonic UAV eventually does emerge from the skunkworks, it will be armed with hypersonic missiles, a necessity because if existing missiles were used, the thing would shoot itself down.