Escutcheon

Escutcheon (pronounced ih-skuhch-uhn)

(1) In heraldry, an individual or corporate coat of arms.

(2) In heraldry, a shield or shield-like surface upon which is depicted a coat of arms (a small shield used to charge a larger one).

(3) An ornamental or protective plate around a keyhole, door handle, drawer pull, light switch etc.

(4) In admiralty and other nautical architecture, a panel on the stern of a vessel bearing the registered name and port of registry.

(5) In medicine, the pattern of distribution of hair upon the pubic mound.

(6) In medicine as escutcheonectomy, the surgical removal of tissue from the pubic mound, a treatment for the unfortunate condition of "buried penis".

(7) In veterinary history, a marking upon the back of a cow's udder and the space above it (the perineum), formed by the hair growing upward or outward instead of downward.  It was once (apparently erroneously) used as an index of milking qualities and known informally among dairy farmers as the "milk mirror".

(8) The depression behind the beak of certain bivalves (a class of marine and freshwater mollusks); the ligamental area.

(9) As escutcheon pin, a decorative nail with a round, domed head, usually made of, or plated with, brass or copper, and used for fastening escutcheons, label-card holders, or other decorative surface hardware to wood surfaces.

(10) A decorative and/or protective plate or bezel which fills any gap between a switch, pipe, valve, control knob etc and the surface from which it protrudes.

(11) The insignia around a doorknob's exterior hardware or a door lock's cosmetic plate.

1470-1480: From the Middle English scochon (shield on which a coat of arms is depicted), from the Anglo-Norman (and the Old Northern French) escuchon, from the Old French escusson (half-crown (coin); coat of arms, heraldic escutcheon) (which endures in modern French as écusson), from the from Vulgar Latin scutionem, ultimately from the Latin scūtum (shield), from the primitive Indo-European skoito- (piece of wood, sheath, shield) (and the source also of the Old Irish sciath, the Welsh ysgwyd, the Breton scoed (shield), the Old Prussian staytan (shield) and the Russian ščit (shield), probably a noun derivative of a variant of primitive Indo-European root skei- (to cut, split) on the notion of "board".  The curious use of the term in dairy farming sounds medieval but was not documented until 1867 although it's possible it had long been in oral use.  The alternative spellings escocheon & scutcheon are both long obsolete.  Escutcheon is a noun and escutcheoned is an adjective (and has been used as a (non-standard) verb; the noun plural is escutcheons.

In heraldry, the technical term "an escutcheon of pretense" describes a shield or emblem displayed alongside the shield of a married woman to indicate her husband's family name and coat of arms.  It is also sometimes referred to as an "impalement" because the two coats of arms are "impaled" or joined together side by side.  The purpose of the escutcheon of pretense is to indicate the woman's marital alliance and to ensure her husband's family name and coat of arms are displayed alongside hers.  In cases where the woman has a higher rank or a more prestigious coat of arms than her husband, the escutcheon of pretense may be used to display her own coat of arms in a more prominent position.  Between heraldic systems there are various rules and conventions which dictate the exact design and in some cases there are no precise rules.  The most common designs are (1) the escutcheon may divided vertically down the center-line with the husband's coat of arms to the left and the wife's to the right & (2) the escutcheon being quartered, this affording the advantage of both sets of arms appearing more prominently.  In centuries past, an escutcheon of pretense was also evidence of the assertion of a legal claim to some distinction or an estate, armorial bearings etc to which he was not entitled by strict right of descent, something which often arose in marriages to heiresses.  It was known also as the inescutcheon.

Escutcheons of the Holy See (left) and the Secret Society of the Les Clefs d’Or (right).

The international association of hotel concierges is the Secret Society of the Les Clefs d’Or (The Golden Keys) and the similarities between their escutcheon and that of the Holy See are quite striking.  According to the Roman Catholic Church's Inquisition (the old Holy Office, now officially known as the Dicastery for the Doctrine of the Faith (DDF)), the crossed keys are a symbol of the Papacy's authority and power. The keys represent the "keys of heaven" that were in the New Testament passed from Jesus Christ to Saint Peter.  In Roman Catholic tradition, Peter was appointed by Jesus as the first Pope and given the keys to symbolize his authority to forgive sins and to make decisions binding on behalf of the Church (this the theological basis of what in canon law was codified in the nineteenth century as papal infallibility).  The two keys thus symbolize the pope's two powers: (1) spiritual power (represented by the silver key) and (2) temporal power (represented by the gold key).  The latter power manifested in a most temporal manner during the thousand-odd years (between the eighth & nineteenth centuries) when the authority of the papal absolute theocracy extended to rule and govern the Papal States (which were interpolated into the modern state of Italy upon Italian unification (1859-1870).

Claiming (officially) only temporal dominion, the Secret Society of the Les Clefs d'Or logo depicts both their keys in gold, one said to symbolize the concierge's role in unlocking the doors to the world for their guests, the other their ability to unlock the secrets of their destination and provide insider knowledge and recommendations (restaurant bookings, airport transfers, personal service workers of all types etc).  However, neither the Vatican nor the Les Clefs d’Or have ever denied intelligence-sharing, covert operations, common rituals or other links.

The escutcheon of Lindsay Lohan's family crest.

The Lohan family motto is Hoc majorum virtus (This is the valour of my ancestors) but it wasn't until well into the seventeenth century it because at all common for mottos to appear on coats of arms.  Older coats of arms therefore never originally included a motto and in most jurisdictions they remain still optional (some European registries actually proscribe their use) and technically are separate from the grant, the inclusion the choice of the family or individual concerned.  Coats of arms however are legally registered designs and must conform to certain rules whereas a motto can on a whim be changed.

CONELRAD

CONELRAD (pronounced kon-ill-rad or kon-ill-rid)

The short form of CONtrol of ELectromagnetic RADiation.

Exclusive to the US, CONELRAD was a nationally standardized system of emergency public broadcasting (on the AM (amplitude modulation) medium-wave band at 640 & 1240 KHz) intended to operate in the event of enemy attack during the Cold War.  The original specifications for what emerged as CONELRAD was first discussed in March 1951 at the Informal Government-Industry Technical Conference and later published by the FCC (Federal Communications Commission):

"The primary plan for alerting broadcast stations that is currently being considered by the FCC Study Group is known as the Key Station System.  The arrangement requires certain telephone circuits (private wire or direct line to Toll Board) between the Air Defense Control Centers (ADCC) and specified radio stations to be known as Basic Key Stations & Relay Key Stations”.

The essence of the system was each Basic Key Station upon receiving an alert or warning signal from the ADCC would, upon instruction, broadcast a predetermined message and also relay the message by telephone to all Relay Key Stations assigned to each Basic Key Station.  As a diversified network designed to be able to continue functioning even if various parts were destroyed, it was conceptually similar to a later US military project which would later evolve into the internet.  Intended to be simple, robust and able to reach as wide a possible audience in the shortest possible time, CONELRAD used simple protocols for alerting the public and other "downstream" stations, consisting of a sequence of shutting the station off for five seconds, returning to the air for five seconds, again shutting down for five seconds, and then transmitting a tone for 15 seconds.  Key stations would be alerted directly and all other broadcast stations would monitor a designated station in their area.

In the event of an attack on the US, all domestic television and FM (frequency modulation) radio stations were required instantly to cease broadcasting and upon alert, all most AM stations shut down, those remaining on-air transmitting either on 640 or 1240 kHz.  No transmission would last more than a few minutes and upon one going “off-air” another would take over the frequency on a ”round robin” chain, this to confuse enemy aircraft which might be navigating using Radio Direction Finding (RDF), a technique first widely used in the early days of World War II (1939-1945).  In the US, all radio sets manufactured between 1953-1963 were required to have the two frequencies marked by the triangle-in-circle (CD Mark), the symbol of Civil Defense organizations.

Duet

Duet (pronounced doo-et or dyoo-et (non-U))

(1) In music, a composition for two voices or instruments.

(2) An action or activity performed by a pair of closely connected individuals.

(3) A pair or couple, especially one that is harmonious or elegant.

1730–1740: From the Italian duet (a short musical composition for two voices), from duo (two) and a diminutive of the earlier duett & duetto, the construct being du(o) (duet) + -etto (from the Late Latin -ittum, accusative singular of –ittus, an alternative suffix used to form melioratives, diminutives, and hypocoristics).  The ultimate source was the Proto-Italic duō, from the primitive Indo-European dwóh.  The French adopted duet before the English in 1740 although the noun may have been used in English from circa 1724; as a verb (to perform a duet), use was first noted in 1822.  The technical form duettino (short, unpretentious duet) emerged by 1839.  Duet is a noun & verb, duetting & duetted are verbs and duettist is a noun; the noun plural is duets.

Madam Butterfly

One of opera’s most memorable duets is the long and rapturous love aria in Giacomo Puccini's (1858–1924) Madama Butterfly (1905).  Among the most performed works in the canon, a number are available on disc, the most radiant surely Herbert von Karajan's (1908–1989) 1974 recording for Decca (Decca 417 577-2DH3).  The lustre of the cast Karajan assembled to perform with the Vienna Philharmonic Orchestra and State Opera Chorus has not since been matched; with Mirella Freni (1935-2020) as Butterfly, Luciano Pavarotti (1935–2007) as Pinkerton and Christa Ludwig (1928–2021) as Suzuki, expectations were high but Karajan conducted a lush, high-drama which disappointed few.  Freni was of course a standout but Pavarotti, though not yet the superstar he would soon become, was at his peak and took to the role in a way that influences tenors to this day; Ludwig’s Suzuki remains unsurpassed in its style and by then, Karajan had been forgiven for everything.

Although Maria Callas (1923-1977) seemed even then an improbable Butterfly, her 1955 appearance at La Scala (Warner B00NMQTE4C) must have been extraordinary but, because of the mono technology of the age and some unsympathetic cutting, the recording can only hint at the power and passion of what critics at the time hailed a classic performance; Callas at her brilliant best, diction of cut crystal.  She may never have been the most refined of sopranos but she brought to her roles a thrilling intensity; just as other singers have delivered a more technically accomplished Lucia di Lammermoor, it’s the Callas version all remember because it was spine-chilling and her Butterfly is similarly unique.

Maria Callas (1923-1977), backstage after appearing as Madam Butterfly, Civic Opera House, Chicago, 17 November 1955.  Had Cio-Cio-San been this feisty, she'd have kept Pinkerton. 

Bud Daley’s famous AP (Associated Press) photograph of diva Maria Callas, still in her Cio-Cio-San’s kimono, caught her snarling at US Federal Marshal Stanley Pringle, one of eight process servers there to serve her with two summonses.  The image was shot just after she'd left the stage, following her third and final performance in Giacomo Puccini's (1858–1924) Madama Butterfly (Madam Butterfly, 1904) and appeared the next morning on the front page of the Chicago Sun-Times with the headline: “Not So Prim a Donna”.  The article reported her words as: “Chicago will hear about this!  I will not be sued!  I have the voice of an angel!  No man can sue me.”  It transpired however at least one man could sue, the action brought by one Edward “Eddy” Bagarozy, who claimed to be the singer’s agent, an assertion based on a contract dating from 1947; the plaintiff sought (1) specific performance of the contract and (2) in the alternative, damages of US$300,000 (depending on the metrics chosen, equivalent to between US$4-6 million in 2025).  As in many such matters, ultimately, things were settled out of court.

1969 Alfa Romeo Spider Veloce 1750 with coda lunga (round tail).

Although The Alfa Romeo (type 105/115) Spider was continuous production between 1966-1993, it was only during the first three years the bodywork featured the memorable Osso di Seppia (round-tail, literally “cuttlefish”) coachwork.  After 1970, the Spider gained a Kamm tail which increased luggage capacity and presumably also conferred some aerodynamic advantage but purists have always coveted the cigar-shaped original.  One often misunderstood aspect of the Kamm tail is that the aerodynamic benefits are realized only if the flat, vertical surface created was no more than about 50% of the total area of the vehicle (as viewed directly from the back).  That’s why even designs which don’t conform to the requirements are often casually referred to as “Kamm tails”.

Two famous reality TV stars performing a "long and rapturous" love duet in a 2016 production.

The Kamm tail (also known as the Kammback) was named after German engineer & aerodynamicist Professor Wunibald Kamm (1893–1966) who during the 1930s pioneered the shape, his work assisted greatly by some chicanery within the Nazi military-industrial complex which enabled the FKFA (Forschungsinstituts für Kraftfahrwesen und Fahrzeugmotoren Stuttgart (Research Institute of Automotive Engineering and Vehicle Engines Stuttgart) institute he established in 1930s to secure funding to construct a full-sized wind tunnel equipped with a two-part steel treadmill in the floor and an 8.8 metre (350 inch) diameter axial fan, able to drive air at up to 400 km/h (250 mph).  What the two concentric floor turntables allowed was that as well as enabling turbulence to be studied from the side on the running steel belt, but slip angles were also possible.   At the time, it was the most modern structure of its kind on the planet and its very existence was owed to the priority afforded by the Nazis to re-armament, especially the development of modern airframes, most of the money eventually coming from the Reichs-Luftfahrt-Ministerium (RLM, the State Air Ministry).

1969 Alfa Romeo Spider Veloce 1750 with coda lunga (round tail).

While Professor’s Kamm’s work on automobile shapes continued, increasingly the facility became focused on military contracts, contributing to the extraordinary range of novel aircraft designs, some revolutionary and most of which would never reach production.  All of this ceased in July 1944 when the facility was severely damaged in air-raids by Royal Air Force (RAF) Bomber Command, a costly campaign which one mission incurred a loss-ration of 20% and it wasn’t until the late 1940s that reconstruction began after it was acquired by Daimler-Benz AG which enlarged and modernized the machinery, the early fruits including the 300 SL (the W194, first gullwing coupé) which won the 1952 Le Mans 24 hour race and the W196R “streamliner” Grand Prix race cars which created such a sensation in 1954.  Although he wasn’t part of “Operation Paperclip” (the US project which secured (by various means including the military “smuggling” them into the country despite many being wanted by those investigating war crimes and crimes against humanity) Professor Kann was acknowledged as one of the world’s leading authorities on turbulence and between 1947-1953 was part of the team working at Wright-Patterson Air Force Base in Dayton, Ohio.  Some of what was undertaken then remains classified but it can be assumed it was all related to military projects and what would later become the space program.

Alfa Romeo in 1965 conducted a competition to find a suitable name for the little roadster and in those days that meant running advertisements in newspapers (which people actually paid for and read) to which readers responded by cutting out and filling in the coupon, writing in their suggestion, putting it in an envelope on which they wrote the address, buying and affixing a stamp and putting envelope in mailbox.  The winning entry was "Duetto" which Alfa Romeo's directors liked because it summed up the romantic essence of a machine definitely built for a couple.  Unfortunately, for some tiresome legal reason relating to an existing trademark, it couldn't officially be used but for decades, among the cognoscenti, it's always been called the Duetto.

Track of the Kamm, Alfa Romeo Spiders: 1973 Series 2 (1970-1983, left), 1984 (Series 3 (1983-1990, centre) and 1992 Series 4 (1990-1993, right).  Things got worse before they got better. 

To keep the tiresome lawyers at bay, when released at the Geneva Motor Show in March 1966, the car was known as the Spider 1600, the advertising making clear it was intended to be a practical sports car, usable year-round rather than something intended for competition.  Among those who like to call them Duettos, there’s a sub-set of pedants who like to point out that while all Duettos are round-tails, not all round-tails are Duettos because in 1967, Alfa Romeo introduced the more powerful 1750 Spider Veloce and the less potent 1300 Junior, the former positioned a notch above the original, the latter one below.  That’s too nerdy for most who prefer to form factions based upon the tail treatment and surprisingly perhaps, many do seem to prefer the appearance of the abbreviated Kamm-tail and, again surprisingly, that included even the editors of the US magazine Road & Track (R&T), a publication in the 1960s inclined to see anything Italian through a rose-tint, called the coda lunga (round tail) “a contrived design with meaningless styling gimmicks.”  Probably much of the appeal of the original is as a period piece in the same way the exaggerated fins on the early Sunbeam Alpines have some period charm although few would claim their pruning didn’t improve the look.

Lindsay Lohan duetting: On stage with Duran Duran (left) and spinning the vinyl with former special friend, DJ Samantha Ronson.

Dilettante

Dilettante (pronounced dil-i-tahnt, dil-i-tahnt, dil-i-tahn-tey or dil-i-tan-tee)

(1) A person who takes up an art, activity, or subject merely for amusement, especially in a desultory or superficial way; dabbler.

(2) A lover of an art or science, especially of a fine art.

1733: From the Italian dilettante (a lover of music or painting), noun use of present participle of dilettare (to delight) from the Latin dēlectāre (to delight; to allure, charm or please).  From this root, English gained delight, from the Middle English deliten, from the Anglo-French deliter, from Latin dēlectāre (to delight; to allure), frequentative of dēlicere (to allure), the construct being dē - (the Latin suffix “of”, “from”) + lacere (to allure).  In English, the earlier meaning was borrowed from the Italian quite literally and without any pejorative association: "an admirer of a fine art, literature or science; a devoted amateur who cultivates an art or literature for pleasure and amusement.  The negative sense of a "superficial and affected dabbler" or "one who maintains fitful interests in various fields" emerged in the late eighteenth century as a deliberate contrast with the actions and interest of the seriously minded or the professional.  The noun dilettantism was first used in 1809.  Dilettante is a noun & adjective, dilettanteism is a noun and dilettanteish an adjective; the noun plural is dilettantes.

Society of Dilettanti

The artist moved to despair at the grandeur of antique fragments (circa 1778), a drawing in red chalk with brown wash by Henry Fuseli (Johann Heinrich Füssli (1741–1825)).

Founded circa 1734, the Society of Dilettanti was established as a gentlemen's club which aimed to correct and purify the public taste of the country and would later sponsor serious archaeological expeditions, assemble celebrated collections of antiques and art and advance the study of classical art, architecture and music and science.  Remembered especially for the promotion of Italian opera, it was a club for amateurs with some interest in these matters, its early membership exclusively rich, white men, many of who had met in their youth while in Italy on the grand tour.  One critic of the time described it as "...a club, for which the nominal qualification is having been in Italy, and the real one, being drunk: the two chiefs… were seldom sober the whole time they were in Italy."  Others hinted at actual depravity.  The best known member of the society also revived the Hellfire Club and, in the remains of an abbey he revived as a picturesque ruin, he build a shrine dedicated to the erect penis.  The sign above the doorway read: Fais ce que tu voudras, a shortened version of the words of St Augustine (love and do what you want).  The society, now a most respectable outfit, still exists and has sixty members.

6126 official campaign advertising. 

Lindsay Lohan's occasional forays into the fashion business have been described as dilettanteish.  In 2008, there was a line called 6126 and allusion to Marilyn Monroe’s (1926-1962) birthday (6/1=1 June in US use) but the label fell victim to her well publicized troubles in 2010.  There there was a brief sojourn as an artistic advisor with Paris fashion house Emanuel Ungaro, the result of which were reviews which ranged from unenthusiastic to damning.  Not discouraged, in 2014 she partnered with streetwear label Civil Clothing for a men’s line that sold at PacSun, and in 2015  worked with the UK's Lavish Alice on a capsule collection that included quirky pieces such as a striped cape, a fringed minidress, and flared knit pants.  That to date the last of the collaborations with the fashion houses but in 2016 there was also the one-off release of a line of T-shirts & tops printed with the slogan I Only Speak LiLohan, an allusion to her earlier use of an accent of indeterminate origins.  Although I Only Speak LiLohan was grammatically dubious (I Speak Only LiLohan presumably the message), it was for a good cause.

I Only Speak LiLohan, 2016.

Kink

Kink (pronounced kingk)

(1) A twist or curl, as in a thread, rope, wire, or hair, caused by its doubling or bending upon itself.

(2) An expression describing muscular stiffness or soreness, as in the neck or back.

(3) A flaw or imperfection likely to hinder the successful operation of something, as a machine or plan (differs from a bug in that kinks or their consequences tend immediately to be obvious.

(4) A mental twist; notion; whim or crotchet (and in a pejorative sense an unreasonable notion; a crotchet; a whim; a caprice).

(5) In slang, a flaw or idiosyncrasy of personality; a quirk.

(6) In slang, bizarre or unconventional sexual preferences or behavior; a sexual deviation (Defined as paraphilia; the parameters of paraphilic disorders (essentially that which is non-normophilic) are (to some extent) defined in the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) but the public perception of kinkiness varies greatly between and within cultures).

(7) In slang, a person characterized by such preferences or behavior (a kinkster).

(8) To form, or cause to form, a kink or kinks, as a rope or hairstyle or a physical construction like a road; to be formed into a kink or twist.

(9) Loudly to laugh; to gasp for breath as in a severe fit of coughing (now rare except in Scotland).

(10) In mathematics, a positive 1-soliton solution to the sine-Gordon equation.

(11) In the jargon of US railroad maintenance as “sun kink”, a buckle in railroad track caused by extremely hot weather, which could cause a derailment.

(12) In fandom slang as “kinkmeme” (or kink meme), an online space in which requests for fan fiction (generally involving a specific kink) are posted and fulfilled anonymously (a subset thus of the anon meme).

(13) In slang, as “kinkshame” (or kink-shame or kink shame), to mock, shame, or condemn someone (a kinker) for their sexual preferences or interests and fetishes.

1670–1680: From the Middle English kink (knot-like contraction or short twist in a rope, thread, hair, etc (originally a nautical term), from the Dutch kink (a twist or curl in a rope), from the Proto-Germanic kenk- & keng- (to bend, turn), from the primitive Indo-European geng- (to turn, wind, braid, weave) and related to the Middle Low German kinke (spiral screw, coil), the Old Norse kikna (to nod; to bend backwards, to sink at the knee as if under a burden”) and the , the Icelandic kengur (a bend or bight; a metal crook).  It’s thought related to the modern kick although a LCA (last common ancestor) has never been identified.  The intransitive verb emerged in the 1690s and the transitive by the early nineteenth century.  The adjective kinky (at that stage of physical objects such as ropes or hair full of kinks, twisted, curly) seems first to have been used in 1844.  Words with a similar meaning (depending on context) include crimp, wrinkle, flaw, hitch, imperfection, quirk, coil, corkscrew, crinkle, curl, curve, entanglement, frizz, knot, loop, tangle, cramp, crick, pain &, pang  The sense familiar in Scottish dialect use (a convulsive fit of coughing or laughter; a sonorous in-draft of breath; a whoop; a gasp of breath caused by laughing, coughing, or crying) was from the From Middle English kinken & kynken, from the Old English cincian (attested in cincung), from the Proto-West Germanic kinkōn, from the Proto-Germanic kinkōną (to laugh), from the primitive Indo-European gang- (to mock, jeer, deride), and related to the Old English canc (jeering, scorn, derision).  It was cognate with the Dutch kinken (to kink, to cough).  One curious adaptation was the (nineteenth century) use of kinker to describe circus performers, presumably on the basis of their antics (kinky in the sense of a twisted rope).  Kink is a noun & verb, kinkily is an adverb, kinkiness & kinkster are nouns, kinked is a verb & adjective, kinky and kinkier & kinkiest are adjectives; the noun plural is kinks.

Bridge with kinks: Lucky knot bridge, Dragon King Harbor River in Meixi Lake District, Changsha, China.  The design was inspired by the Möbius strip although the structure is not a true representation of a Möbius.

Kink appears to have entered English in the 1670 from the interaction of English & Dutch seafarers, the first use of the word being nautical, French & Swedish gaining it in a similar manner.  The figurative sense of “an odd notion, a mental twist, a whim, a capricious act” was first noted in US English in 1803 in the writings of Thomas Jefferson (1743–1826; US president 1801-1809).  It was one of the many terms applied to those thought “sexually abnormal”, the first use noted in 1965 (although the adjective kinky had been so applied as early as 1959) and the use as a synonym for “a sexual perversion, fetish, paraphilia” is thought by most etymologists to have become established by the early 1970s.  The slang, “kinkshame” means “to mock, shame, or condemn someone (a kinker) for their sexual preferences or interests and fetishes”.  Dictionaries tend to list this only as a verb (ie that directed at another) but it would seem also a noun (a feeling of kinkshame), such as that suffered by Umberto Nicola Tommaso Giovanni Maria di Savoia (1904–1983; the last King of Italy (May-June 1946) who, while heir to the throne (and styled Prince of Piedmont), Benito Mussolini’s (1883-1945; Duce (leader) & prime-minister of Italy 1922-1943) secret police discovered the prince was a sincere and committed Roman Catholic but one unable to resist his “satanic homosexual urges” and his biographer agreed, noting he was “forever rushing between chapel and brothel, confessional and steam bath” often spending hours “praying for divine forgiveness.”  He would seem to have been suffering kinkshame.

Lindsay Lohan with kinked hair. 

Car & Driver "Fastest American Car" comparison test, April 1976.

Although the word kinky had by then for some time been in use to describe sexual proclivities beyond the conventional, in April 1976, when the US magazine Car & Driver chose to describe a pickup truck as “kinky” it was using the word in the sense of “quirky” or “different” and certainly not in a pejorative way.  While testing the Chevrolet C-10 stepside in an attempt to find the fastest American built “car”, the editors noted that although the phenomenon hadn’t yet travelled south of the Mason-Dixon Line. “…kinky pickups are one of the more recent West Coast fascinations”.  A few years earlier, it would have been absurd to include a pickup in a top-speed contest but the universe had shifted and ownership of the fast machines of the pre-1972 muscle car era had been rendered unviable by the insurance industry before being banned by the legislators; by earlier standards, high-performance was no longer high.  Some demand for speed however remained and General Motors found a loophole: the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) didn't impose power-sapping exhaust emission controls on anything with a gross vehicle weight rating above 6000 pounds (2722 kg).  Thus emerged Chevrolet’s combination of the heavy-duty version of the pickup chassis (F44) with the big-block, 454 cubic inch (7.4 litre) V8, a detuned edition of the engine which half-a-decade earlier had been offered with the highest horsepower rating Detroit had ever advertised.  Power and brutish enjoyment was ensured but the aerodynamic qualities of the pickup were such it could manage only third place in Car & Driver’s comparison, its 110 (177 km/h) mph terminal velocity shaded by the Pontiac Trans Am (118/190) and the Chevrolet Corvette (125/201) which won although both were slow compared with what recently had been possible.  The pickup did however outrun Ford’s Mustang Mach 1 which certainly looked the part but on the road prove anaemic, 106 mph (171 km/h) as fast as it could be persuaded to go.  In second place was what turned out to be the surprise package, the anonymous-looking Dodge Dart which, although an old design, was powered by a version of the Chrysler LA small-block V8, one of the best of the era and clean enough to eschew the crippling catalysts most engines by then required.  Its 122 mph (196 km/h) capability made it the fastest American sedan.

Kinkiness in 1964-1965: 1965 Dodge D-100 with 426 Street Wedge V8.

The kinky pickup however was a harbinger for where went California, so followed the other forty-nine.  The idea of the kinky pickup had actually begun in 1964 when Chrysler quietly slipped onto the market a high-performance version of the the Dodge D-100, a handful of which were built with a 413 (6.7 litre) cubic inch V8 but with little more fanfare, the 426 cubic inch (7.0 litre) Street Wedge was next year added to the option list which, rated at 365 horsepower, was more than twice as powerful than the competition.  Ahead of its time, the big-power in the engines D-100 were withdrawn in 1966 but it was the first muscle truck and the spiritual ancestor of the C-10 which a decade later was faster than the hottest Mustang, damning with faint praise though that may be.  The trend continued and Dodge early in the twenty-first century even sold pickups with an 8.3 litre (505 cubic inch) V10.  The market has since shown little sign of losing its desire for fast pickups and the new generation of electric vehicles are likely to be faster still.

The adjective "kinky" evolved from the noun but a linguistic quirk in the use of "kink" in the gay community is that etymologically it was technically a back-formation from "kinky".  In the LGBTQQIAAOP movement, there is some debate whether displays of “kink” should be part of “pride” events such as public parade.  One faction thinks group rights trumps all else and there can be no acceptance of any restrictions whereas others think the PR cost too high.  One implication of some representation of this or that kink being included in pride parades is that presumably, once accepted as a part of public displays, it ceases to be kinky and becomes just another place on the spectrum of normality.  Kinky stuff surely should be what goes on only behind closed doors; if in public it can even be hinted at, it can't truly be a kink because a kink must be something seriously twisted.  

1962 BMW 1500 (Neue Klasse, left), the incomparable BMW E9 (1968-1975, centre) and the 2023 BMW 760i (G70, right).

In automotive design, the “Hoffmeister kink” is a description of the forward bend in the C-pillar (D-pillar on SUVs) and it’s associated almost exclusively with BMW (Bayerische Motoren Werke) vehicles built since the early 1960s.  The kink is named after Wilhelm Hofmeister (1912–1978; BMW design chief 1955-1970) who used the shape on the BMW Neue Klasse (The “New Class”, the first of which was the 1500 and in various forms was in production 1962-1975) although the BMW 3200 CS (1962-1965) which was styled by Giuseppe "Nuccio" Bertone (1914–1997) also used the lines and design work of both began in 1960.  However, the name “Hoffmeister kink” stuck not because it originated with Herr Hoffmeister but because BMW has for decades stuck with it so it’s now perhaps even more of an identifiable motif than their double-kidney grill which is now less recognizable than once it was.  Herr Hoffmeister deserves to be remembered because the work of his successors has been notably less impressive and none has matched his E9 coupe (1968-1975) although it gained as much infamy for its propensity to rust as admiration for its elegance.

Some of the pre-Hoffmeister kinks:  1949 Buick Super Sedanette (left), 1951 Kaiser Deluxe (centre) and 1958 Lancia Flaminia Sport Zagato (right).

Hooptie

Hooptie (pronounced hoop-dee or whoop-dee (contested))

In slang, an old, worn-out car.

Circa 1960s: The slang hooptie is used to describe an old, battered car.  The origin is uncertain but it’s thought to have originated in African American urban vernacular sometime in the second half of the twentieth century.  The most common explanation is that the word is a phonetic adaptation from Coupe de Ville, a model of Cadillac produced 1949-2005 (although the factory used the syntax Coupe De Ville only from 1959; prior to that they were Cadillac DeVilles with coupe bodies).  Coupé was from the French couper (to cut), from the Old French coper & colper (to cut off), probably from cop (blow) or colp (which endures as the modern coup), with sense derived from the notion of “cutting off with a blow”.  It may correspond to a Vulgar Latin verb colpāre, a syncopated form of colaphāre (blow, cuff), from the Latin colaphus (a blow delivered by a fist).  The alternative etymology suggests a link with the Vulgar Latin cuppāre (to behead), from the Latin caput (head) although this has never received much support.  The term de ville was from the French phrase de la ville which translated literally as de (of) la (the) ville (city) and in the eighteenth & nineteenth centuries a “sedanca de ville” was a type of small, horse drawn carriage popular for use in the tight streets of cities.  The carriages featured an enclosed compartment for usually two-three passengers while the driver sat outside.  That configuration was adopted in the early coachwork of some automobiles and although production declined as fully-enclosed bodies began to prevail, the style remained on the lists of many coachbuilders until the outbreak of World War II (1939-1945).  In the post-war years there was the odd sedanca de ville which coachbuilders would build on special request by the 1970s the style was thought extinct, a feeling which Bentley’s quixotic semi-revival with the production of a few dozen Continental Sedanca Coupés (SC) in 1999 did little to dispel.  The SC was actually just an appropriation of the name and really a variation of a targa, the rear passenger compartment covered but not enclosed.

Lindsay Lohan assessing her hooptie: Herbie: Fully Loaded (2005).

There have been five alternative theories for the etymology: (1) One suggests both hoopdie & hooptie were both used in the African American community in the 1920s to describe a run-down or dilapidated house (a use perhaps derived from “hovel”) and over time the term came to be was applied to old cars in some advanced state of disrepair.  There is little support for this.  (2) It may be onomatopoeic and a reference to the tortured sounds which emanate from a defective machine in need of repairs.  There is little support for this. (3) It may be related to the phrase “hope I die”, the anthropomorphic notion being the car would sooner be crushed than continue in its dilapidated state.  There is no support for this.  (4) It may be from Hupmobile, a popular brand of car early in the twentieth century, the linguist progress being from “Hupmobile” to “hup” and finally to "hoop", the theory being the use was originally specific to neglected Hupmobiles and later generalized.  There is little support for this.  (5) Hooptie may be from the West African Wolof xub (broken down), the connection being many African Americans are descended from those brought to the US during the slave trade.  It’s thought not impossible but linguistic anthropologists seem unconvinced.  The link with the Cadillac Coupe DeVille (Cadillac followed the usual US practice and never spelled Coupé with the l'accent aigu (acute accent) on the final "e") remains most convincing because for decades, the model was a byword for automotive prestige in the US and it (and similar long cars from the era) is still used in music videos by African Americans.  The song My Hooptie by Sir Mix-a-Lot (stage name of Anthony L Ray (b 1963)) was released in 1989 and included on his album Seminar.  The alternative spellings are hooptee & hoopty.  Hooptie is a noun; the noun plural is hoopties.

Peak Cadillac Coupe DeVille is probably the 1968 model which, uniquely, combined the classic 1960s styling with the stacked headlamps with the new 472 cubic inch (7.7 litre) V8 which in the 1970s would grow to 500 cubic inches (8.2 litre) before shrinking in the post oil-shock world.  When, in 368 cubic inch (6.0 litre) form it was retired in 1984, it was the last of the old “big-block” V8s available in a passenger car.

Reflecting the etymology, the original use of coupé was to describe a horse-drawn carriage cut down to a smaller size to provide for greater speed & agility but by the time Cadillac released the Coupe de Ville in 1949, coupe had come generally to mean a two door car and DeVille was appended because it was known to be suggestive of something expensive or exclusive although presumably few were well acquainted with the literal translation.  That was probably just as well because the big Cadillacs weren’t ideal for use in densely populated and congested cities, even those of the late twentieth century US where the parking meters were further apart.  Adopting Cadillac’s usual conventions of nomenclature, the companion four-door models were called Sedan DeVille (It began in 1949 as de Ville and Cadillac published material with the spellings de Ville, De Ville & DeVille before standardizing the later) and the convertibles received no separate designation, labeled also Coupe DeVille.  Surprisingly, the two and four-door were the same length which must have helped with production-line rationalization.

My Hooptie by Sir Mix-a-Lot (Lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group)

My hooptie rollin', tailpipe draggin'
Heat don't work an' my girl keeps naggin'
Six-nine Buick, deuce keeps rollin'
One hubcap 'cause three got stolen
Bumper shook loose, chrome keeps scrapin'
Mis-matched tires, and my white walls flakin'
Hit mickey-d's, Maharaji starts to bug
He ate a quarter-pounder, threw the pickles on my rug
Runnin', movin' tabs expired
Girlies tryin' to dis 'n say my car looks tired
Hit my brakes, out slid skittles
Tinted back window with a bubble in the middle
Who's car is it? Posse won't say
We all play it off when you look our way
Rollin' four deep, tires smoke up the block
Gotta roll this bucket, 'cause my Benz is in the shop
My hooptie - my hooptie
Four door nightmare, trunk locks' stuck
Big dice on the mirror, grill like a truck
Lifters tickin', accelerator's stickin'
Somethin' on my left front wheel keeps clickin'
Picked up the girlies, now we're eight deep
Cars barely movin', but now we got heat
Made a left turn as I watched in fright
My ex-girlfriend shot out my headlight
She was standin', in the road, so I smashed her toes
Mashed my pedal, boom, down she goes
Law ain't lyin', long hairs flyin'
We flipped the skeez off, dumb girl starts cryin'
Baby called the cops, now I'm gettin' nervous
The cops see a beeper and the suckers might serve us
Hit a side street and what did we find?
Some young punk, droppin' me a flip off sign
Put the deuce in reverse, and started to curse
Another sucker on the south side about to get hurt
Homey got scared, so I got on
Yeah my group got paid, but my groups still strong
Posse moved north, headin for the CD
Ridin' real fast so the cops don't see me
Mis-matched tires got my boys uptight
Two Vogues on the left, Uniroyal on the right
Hooptie bouncin', runnin' on leaded
This is what I sport when you call me big-headed
I pot-hole crusher, red light rusher
Musher of a brother 'cause I'm plowin' over suckers
In a hooptie
It's a three-ton monster, econo-box stomper
Snatch your girly, if you don't I'll romp 'er
Dinosaur rush, lookin' like Shaft
Some get bold, but some get smashed
Cops say the car smokes, but I won't listen
It's a six-nine deuce, so the hell with emissions
Rollin' in Tacoma, I could get burned
(Sound of automatic gunfire) Betta make a you-turn
Spotted this freak with immense posterior
Tryin' to roll smooth through the Hilltop area
Brother start lettin' off, kickin' that racket
Thinkin' I'm a rock star, slingin' them packets
I ain't wit' dat, so I smooth eject
Hit I-5 with the dope cassette
Playin' that tough crew hardcore dope
The tape deck broke
Damn what's next, brothers in Goretex
Tryin' to find a spot where we could hunt for sex
Found a little club called the N-see-O
Military, competition. You know.
I ain't really fazed, 'cause I pop much game
Rolled up tough, 'cause I got much fame
"How ya doin' baby, my name is Mixalot"
"Mixalot got a Benz boy, quit smokin' that rock"
Ooooh, I got dissed. But it ain't no thing
Runnin' that game with the home made slang
Baby got ished, Bremelo gip.
Keep laughin' at the car and you might get clipped
By a hooptie
Runnin' outta gas, stuck in traffic
Far left lane, throwin' up much static
Input, output, carbeurator fulla soot
"Whatcha want me to do Mix?"
Push freak, push
Sputter, sputter rollin' over gutters
Cars dip low with hard core brothers
Tank on E, pulled into Arco
Cops on tip for Columbian cargo
We fit a stereotype, that's what he said
Big long car, four big black heads
Cops keep jockin', grabbin' like 'gators
'Bout stereotypes, I'm lookin' nuthin' like Noriega
Cop took my wallet, looked at my license
His partner said "Damn, they all look like Tyson"
Yes, I'm legit, so they gotta let me go
This bucket ain't rollin' in snow
It's my hooptie