Bonk

Bonk (pronounced bongk)

(1) A bump on the head (usually not severe).

(2) To hit, strike, collide etc; any minor collision or blow.

(3) In slang, a brief intimacy between two people, usually with a suggestion of infidelity; often modified with the adjective quick and only ever used where the act is consensual (less common in North America).

(4) In sports medicine, a condition of sudden, severe fatigue in an endurance sports event, typically induced by glycogen depletion (also in the phrase “hit the wall”).

(5) In snowboarding, to hit something with the front of the board, especially in midair.

(6) In zoology, an animal call resembling "bonk" (such as the call of the pobblebonk (any of various Australian frogs of the genus Limnodynastes)).

1931: A creation of Modern English, the origin remains uncertain but most suspect it was likely imitative of sounds of impact (like bong, bump, bounce or bang) and thus onomatopoetic.  As a slang term for an affaire de coeur, use was first noted in 1975 and has always, depending on context, carried an implication of something illicit or quickly done; purely recreational though always consensual.  The use in sports medicine describing the condition of glycogen depletion references a metaphorical impact as in “hitting the wall”, the first known use in 1952 in endurance sports medicine.  Bonkee, as a descriptor for a "woman of loose virtue", appears to have been a 2014 creation which never caught on which is a shame because there are all sorts of cases where the companion terms "bonker" & "bonkee" might have been handy .  The form "bonkers", referring to the deranged, dated from circa 1957 and was apparently unrelated to the earlier naval slang for “drunk” but alluded rather to what could be the the consequence of a “bonk on the head”.  The third-person singular simple present is bonks, the present participle, bonking and the simple past and past participle, bonked.  Bonk & bonking are nouns & verbs, bonker is a noun, bonky is an adjective, bonked is a verb and bonkers is a noun & adjective; the noun plural is bonks.

Bonkers: "Last Call" 2023 Dodge Challenger SRT Demon 170 in "plum crazy" (one of the retro colors which reprised those used by Chrysler in the "psychedelic era" of the late 1960s).  Some 3300 were produced (one of the many batches in Dodges "Last Call" programme), many of which soon were advertised for sale at well above the MRRP (manufacturer's retail price) and many are believed to have been placed in long-term storage.  The yellow plastic fittings were installed to prevent damage during shipping to dealers.  The factory didn't envisage them becoming consumer items so they were described, prosaically, as “splitter guards” but leaving them attached after purchase became a cult and some cars were even retro-fitted, despite dealers cautioning the pieces weren't specifically molded to ensure a perfect fit so dirt and moisture were prone to being trapped in the gaps and this could scuff the paint.  They were referred to also as “damage guards” and “scuff guards” but the more imaginative dubbed them “underwires” and this is believed the first time that term entered the large lexicon of automotive slang.

The Demon 170 was released as part of Dodge’s “Last Call” programme which marked the end of the corporation's run of high-performance V8s for passenger cars, a tradition dating from 1950 when the first 331 cubic inch (5.4 litre) "Firepower" (soon to be fetishized as "Hemi") V8 debuted.  Offered in a bewildering array of configurations in a process which was something like Nellie Melba's (1861-1931) "farewell" tours, the SRT Demon 170 was reckoned the most bonkers of a generally bonkers lot.  Rated at 1,025 hp (764 kW), the factory claimed it could accelerate from 0-60 mph (100 km/h) in 1.66 seconds with an elapsed time in the standing ¼ mile (402 metres for those who insist) of 8.91 seconds (terminal speed 151 mph (243 km/h)), setting the mark as the worlds quickest ever standard production car, a reasonable achievement for something weighing 4275 lbs (1939 kg).  By world standards it was also very cheap and on the basis of cost-breakdown vs performance, there was nothing like it on the planet.  In British (and other English-speaking regions although rare in the US) use, "bonkers" can and often is used in an entirely non-pejorative way to suggest something or someone verging on the irrational but in some way astonishing, admirable or inspiring.  Road cars with 600+ horsepower V8 & V12 engines are of course bonkers but we'll miss them when they're gone and it would seem the end is nigh.  Greta Thunberg (b 2003) has expressed no regret at the looming extinction of this species.  

Bonking Boris

Hand-turned fish bonkers on sale in Jaffray, a village in the south-western Canadian province of British Columbia (left) and the front page of The Sun (7 September 2018; right), a tabloid which rarely avoids an alluringly attractive alliterative alternative.  

The noun bonker describes (1) a short, blunt hardwood club used by fisherpersons efficiently to dispatch (ie bonking them dead) just-caught fish or (2) according to the Murdoch tabloid The Sun, the adulterous Boris Johnson (b 1964; UK prime-minister 2019-2022).  A bonk by Boris or the club and a not wholly dissimilar outcome ensues; a one-time employer called bonking Boris "ineffably duplicitous" and the estranged (now former) Mrs Johnson presumably agreed.  At the time, the former prime minister had "a bit of previous" in extra-marital bonking and when this one was announced, it was with an alliterative flourish not seen since the headline “BORIS BACKS BREXIT”.  His resignation from Theresa May's (Lady May, b 1956; UK prime-minister 2016-2019) government was unrelated to bonking (as far as is known) and came, in July 2018, three days after a cabinet meeting at Chequers (the prime-minister's country house), where agreement was reached on Mrs May’s Brexit strategy, a document compromised by the need to make a nonsensical impossibility look like good policy.  That can be done but it requires rare skill to be in 10 Downing Street and it's been some time since that could be said. 

Freed by his resignation from the burdens of the Foreign Office, bonking Boris was clearly unconcerned at rumors his opponents in the party were assembling a dossier of some 4,000 words detailing his cheating ways, fondness for cocaine & failings of character and turned his attention to a campaign for the Tory leadership.  As wonderfully unpredictable as the politics of the time were fluid, nobody was quite sure whether he’d go into the inevitable election or second referendum as "leave" or "remain"; it would depend on this and that.  In the end, he remained a leaver and things worked out well, his election victory meaning that for one, brief, shining moment, the three world leaders with the best hair all had their own nuclear weapons at the same time.

Donald Trump (b 1946; US president 2017-2021 and since 2025; left), Boris Johnson (centre) and Kim Jong-un (Kim III, b 1982; Supreme Leader of DPRK (Democratic Republic of Korea (North Korea)) since 2011; right).

Some hairstyles are more amenable than others to a quick post-bonk fix.  Kim Jong-un's cut is probably quite good and would bounce back from a bonk with little more than a run-through with the fingers although he may have in his entourage an army general as "designated carrier of the comb".  Donald Trump however would likely need both tools and product for a post-bonk fix, ideally performed by an expert hairdresser.  Mr Trump usually appears well-fixed unless disturbed by breezes higher than 2 on the Beaufort scale and all but the most perfunctory bonks probably are equal to at least 4 on the scale so it would have been interesting to see if Stormy Daniels (Stephanie Gregory, b 1979) lived up to her (stage) name although Mr Trump has denied that bonk ever happened.  Ms Daniels' testimony did include a mention of giving him a bonk on the butt with a rolled-up magazine (one with his picture on the cover!) and that at least had a ring of truth.  Mr Johnson's hair so often looks post-bonk that either his conquests are more frequent even than has been rumored or he orders a JBF with every cut.  One UK publication suggested exactly that, hinting his instruction was "not one hair in place".  That has the advantage for Mr Johnson in that it's a style essentially the same pre-bonk, mid-bonk and post-bonk and thus pricelessly ambiguous in that merely by looking at him, one couldn't tell if he was going to or coming from a bonk although, one assumes, whichever it was, a bonk would never be far from his mind.  Whatever the criticisms of Mr Johnson's premiership (and there were a few), it's to his eternal credit that in his resignation honours list Ms Kelly Jo Dodge (for 27 years the parliamentary hairdresser) was created a Member of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire (MBE) for “parliamentary service”.  Over those decades, she can have faced few challenges more onerous than Mr Johnson’s hair yet never once failed to make it an extraordinary example in the (actually technically difficult) “not one hair in place” style known colloquially in her profession as the JBF.  Few honours have been so well deserved and more illustrious decorations have been pinned on many who have done less for the nation.

In being granted a gong Ms Dodge fared better than another parliamentary hairdresser.  Between 1950-1956, the speaker of the Australian House of Representatives (the lower house) was Archie Cameron (1895–1956) and in some aspects his ways seemed almost un-Australian: he didn’t drink, smoke, swear or gamble.  Not approving of anything to do with the turf, he ordered the removal from the wall of the Parliament House barber’s salon a print of racehorse Phar Lap (1926–1932, the thoroughbred which won the 1930 Melbourne Cup) and later served notice on the barber to quit the building, Cameron suspecting (on hard & fast grounds) he was a SP (starting price) bookie.  Before state-run T.A.B.s (Totalisator Agency Board) were in the 1960s established to regulate such activities, SP bookies were a popular (and convenient) way to undertake off course betting and, like Phar Lap, they were born in New Zealand, the first operating there in 1949.

While in some ways not stereotypically Australian, other parts of his character made Cameron a quintessential of the type.  Once, when displeased by one member’s conduct on the floor of the house, he demanded he bow to the chair and apologize.  Not satisfied with the response, he told the transgressor he needed to bow lower and when asked how low was required, replied: “How low can you go?”  As speaker he exercised great power over what went on in the building and insisted on dress standards being maintained although he didn’t adhere to his own rules, on hot days often wandering the corridors in shorts and a singlet; the parliamentary cleaning staff were said to resent the habit, fearing that visitors might mistake him for a cleaner and “damage their prestige”.

Official portrait of Speaker Cameron in the traditional horsehair wig and robes of office.  The wig was the one Dr HV Evatt (1894–1965; leader of opposition 1951-1960) had worn while a judge (1930-1940) of the High Court of Australia (HCA) and Cameron wasn’t best pleased about that but it had been presented to the parliament and no other was available so Cameron “contented himself by reflecting that ‘it was time some straight thinking was done under this wig’.”

Upon election in 1949, the prime-minister (Sir Robert Menzies (1894–1978; prime-minister of Australia 1939-1941 & 1949-1966) apparently shuddered at the thought of a “loose cannon” like Cameron in cabinet or on the backbench so appointed him speaker, despite being warned by the respected Frank Clifton Green (1890–1974; clerk of the House of Representatives (Australia) 1937-1955) that Cameron’s habit of being “…so consistently wrong with such complete conviction that he was right” made him “the worst possible choice” for the role.”  On hearing of his nomination, old Ben Chifley (1885–1951; prime minister of Australia 1945-1949) predicted “He’ll either be the best speaker ever or the worst”, concluding a few months later: “I think he’s turned out to be the bloody worst.”  Once installed, he made himself a fixture and one not easily dislodged.  Although it was in the Westminster system common for speaker to resign if a house voted a dissent from one of their rulings, Cameron suffered five successful motions of dissent against his rulings, one of them moved by the prime-minister himself.  As one member later recounted: “He just shrugged his shoulders and carried on.  He couldn’t care less whether the house supported him or not.  Archie liked being speaker and intended to keep the job.”  Keep it he did, dying in office in 1956.  Green summed him up as “…a queer mixture of generosity, prejudice and irresponsibility” and many noted the parliament became a more placid place after he quit the world.

Dame Jilly Cooper (1937–2025), in the 1980s, in fishnets.

Bonkbuster is a literary genre first defined in the late 1980s as meaning “novels with more emphasis on the sex than the romance and enjoying (ore expecting” best-seller status and like likelihood of adaptation in some form for the screen”.  The construct was bonk + (block)buster, the latter element used to describe highly successful book, films, albums etc.  In the literary genre Dame Jilly was the UK’s most accomplished author, something she attributed, at least in part to her “diligent research on the topic”.  Her novels were churning fantasies of smouldering glances, polo ponies, country houses and corporate back-stabbing, always with an undercurrent of infidelity, often in the green and pleasant land of the English countryside.  Before in 1975 she turned to fiction (albeit with much content drawn from he own active life), she’d spent years as a newspaper columnist where she’s offer practical advice to the modern women such as: “If you amuse a man in bed, he's not likely to bother about the mountain of dust underneath it.”  Although she always, accurately, described herself as “upper-middle class”, her novels tended up rather than down the class system and were studded with titles, money and privilege but the turn of phrase she’d honed within the tight word limits imposed on columnists never deserted her, a protagonist in one novel observing: “I don’t expect fidelity from my husbands, but I demand it from my lovers.”

A bandaged Lindsay Lohan waking dazed and confused after a bonk on the head in Falling for Christmas (2022; left) and on the move in Irish Wish (2024).   

In May 2021, Netflix & Lindsay Lohan executed what became a three movie deal, the first (Falling for Christmas) released in the northern winter of 2022, just in time for the season.  She played the protagonist, a pampered heiress who loses her memory after suffering a bonk on the head, waking up to a new life.  The second Netflix release opens in February 2024 and in Irish Wish, the plotline involves her spontaneously wishing for something, subsequently waking up to find the wish granted.  So it’s a variation on the theme of the first (though without the bonk on the head), the twist being in the theme of “be careful what you wish for”.

Bonking Barnaby and the bonk ban

Malcolm Turnbull (b 1954; prime-minister of Australia 2015-2018), a student of etymology, was as fond as those at The Sun of alliteration and when writing his memoir (A Bigger Picture (2020)) he included a short chapter entitled "Barnaby and the bonk ban".  As well as the events which lent the text it's title, the chapter was memorable for his inclusion of perhaps the most vivid thumbnail sketch of Barnaby Joyce (b 1967; thrice (between local difficulties) deputy prime minister of Australia 2016-2022) yet penned:

"Barnaby is a complex, intense, furious personality.  Red-faced, in full flight he gives the impression he's about to explode.  He's highly intelligent, often good-humoured but also has a dark and almost menacing side - not unlike Abbott (Tony Abbott (b 1957; prime-minister of Australia 2013-2015)) - that seems to indicate he wrestles with inner troubles and torments."

Mr Turnbull and Mr Joyce in parliament, House of Representatives, Canberra, ACT.

The substantive matter was the revelation in mid-2017 the press had become aware Mr Joyce (a married man with four daughters) was (1) conducting an affair with a member of his staff and (2) the young lady was with child.  Mr Turnbull recorded that when asked, Mr Joyce denied both "rumors", which does sound a lie but, in the narrow, technical sense, may have verged on "the not wholly implausible" on the basis that, as he pointed out in a later television interview, the question of paternity was at the time “...a bit of a grey area”.  Mr Joyce and his mistress later married and now have two children so all's well that end's well (at least for the adulterous couple) and Mr Turnbull didn't so much shut the gate after the horse had bolted as install inter-connecting doors between the stables.  His amendments to the Australian Ministerial Code of Conduct (an accommodating document very much in the spirit of Lord Castlereagh's (1769–1822; UK foreign secretary 1812-1822) critique of the Holy Alliance) banned ministers from bonking their staff which sounds uncontroversial but was silent on them bonking the staff of the minister in the office down the corridor.  So the net effect was probably positive in that staff having affairs with their ministerial boss would (through a rapid inter-departmental transfer), gain experience through cross-exposure to other portfolio areas although there's the obvious moral hazard they might be tempted to conduct trysts just to engineer a transfer in the hope of career advancement.  There are worse reasons for having an affair and a bonk for a new job seems a small price to pay; it's been done before. In a sense, Mr Joyce was a victim because when rugby union (and other codes) player Israel Folau (b 1989) in 2019 posted on social media a list of those God condemns to Hell which included “drunks, homosexuals, adulterers, liars, fornicators, thieves, atheists and idolaters”, while there was strident support for the gay community, despite the mention of “adulterers” and “drunks” being obviously and blatantly an attack on Mr Joyce's character, not a whisper was heard in his defence.

Bonk in progress, California State Polytechnic University, Humboldt, May 2024.

Bonk in the sense of “a blow to the head” was in May 2024 adapted for use in memes and other publicity tools associated with the protests staged on US university campuses demanding the institutions’ administrators divest from economic and other engagements with Israel and in support of the cause of the Palestinian people for (variously) statehood or freedom from repression.  The scenes were reminiscent of Vietnam War era protests but the emergence of the water-cooler jug as an icon of political dissent was an unexpected moment of levity.  The origin of that was a viral (“bonk, bonk, bonk”) video clip showing an unidentified protester at the California State Polytechnic University, Humboldt bonking a uniformed law-enforcement officer on the helmet with an empty jug (believed to be a capacity of 5 US gallons (19 litres)) of the type which sits atop a water cooler.

Although recalling the similarly alliterative “burn baby, burn” slogan chanted during the Watts race riots in Los Angeles in August 1965, the “bonk, bonk, bonk” was more a symbol of, if not exactly passive resistance, then certainly something short of actual violence although in a legal sense it would have been an instance of both assault and battery as well as other offences.  Around the country, stickers, posters and the inevitable T-shirts appeared within hours with slogans such as “Water Jug, Come and Take It” and “This machine bonks fascists”, a reference to the “THIS MACHINE KILLS FASCISTS” message the left-wing US folk singer Woody Guthrie (1912–1967) wrote on his guitars.  Whether the water jug (bonking and not) will endure as a symbol of protest will depend, like many aspects of language, on whether it gains a sustained critical mass of use.

The "bonk, bonk, bonk" viral video.  In the conventional sense, the production values weren't high but that very quality of authenticity accounted for its viral success.

Fishnet

Fishnet (pronounced fish-net)

(1) A net for catching fish.

(2) A fabric with an open mesh, resembling a fishnet.

(3) Being of an open-mesh weave.

(4) In fashion as a clipping of “fishnet stockings” & “fishnet tights”, usually in the form “fishnets”.

(5) In math, geometry and mapping, as “fishnet grid”, a grid of equally-sized (usually square or rectangular) cells which can be overlaid onto another representations (graphs, chart-lines, maps etc) for various purposes.  

Pre 1000: from the Middle English, from the Old English fiscnett, the construct being fish + net.  Fish was from the Middle English fisch, from the Old English fisċ (fish), from the Proto-West Germanic fisk, from the Proto-Germanic fiskaz (fish).  It may be compared with the West Frisian fisk, the Dutch vis, the German Fisch, the Danish, Norwegian & Swedish fisk and the Icelandic fiskur, from the primitive Indo-European peysḱ- (fish) (the equivalent form in was iasc and in Latin piscis.  Net was from the Middle English nett, from the Old English net & nett, from the Proto-West Germanic nati, from the Proto-Germanic natją, from the primitive Indo-European ned- (to turn, twist, knot).  It was cognate with the West Frisian net, the Low German Nett, the Dutch net, the German Netz, the Danish net and the Swedish nät.  Fishnet is a noun & adjective and fishnetted & fishnetty are adjectives; the noun plural is fishnets.

The most obvious “fishnet grid” is of course the fishnet, used by fishers to harvest seafood and one of the oldest technologies still in use with its essential design unchanged although much has changed in terms of materials, scale and techniques of use, some now highly controversial.  The same design (a grid structure with equal sized cells) is used in various field including (1) concreting where the steel reinforcing for slabs is used in this form, either in pre-made sections or assembled on-site.  (2) In agriculture, the grids are used as a support structure for climbing plants like beans which grow up the grid, gaining enhanced exposure to airflow and sunlight; ultimately, the arrangements also make harvesting easier and cheaper.  Made now with slender, strong, cheap and lightweight plastic strands which don’t absorb moisture, like the nets used to harvest fish, the agricultural mesh is produced in a variety of cell sizes, the choice dictated by the crop. (3) In architecture and interior decorating, grids are common design element, sometimes integrated into structural members and sometimes merely decorative.  (4) In fashion, the most famous fishnet grids are of course those used on stockings & tights where the most frequently seen patterns are diamonds or squares displayed with points perpendicular.  When used of other garments, the orientation of the cells can vary. (5) In industrial design, fishnet grids made of durable materials like steel or synthetic fibers are widely used, providing structures which can be lighter than those made with solid materials yet, in a seeming paradox, be stronger, at least in the direction of the stresses to which they’ll be exposed.  Such constructions are often used in support structures, fencing and other barriers.

North America with the lines of latitude & longitude as traditionally depicted in maps using a fishnet grid (left) and in a form which reflects the effects of the curvature of the earth.

In cartography, the most famous fishnet grid is that made up from the lines of latitude & longitude which, east & west, north & south, encircle the globe and have for centuries been used for navigation.  However, the familiar representation of the lines of latitude and longitude as a fishnet grid is illusory because the common, rectangular map of the world is just a two-dimensional rendering of a three dimensional sphere.  For most purposes, the flat map is ideal but when lines of latitude & longitude were added, so were distortions because the lines of longitude converge at the poles, becoming progressively closer as they move away from the equator.  Never parallel on the sphere which is planet Earth, on a map the lines are exactly parallel; a perfect fishnet grid.

The politics of the Mercator Map

The Mercator projection was developed in 1568 by Flemish geographer, cosmographer & cartographer Gerardus Mercator (1512–1594) as a navigation tool with spherical planet earth depicted on a flat rectangular grid with parallel lines of latitude and longitude.  Its functionality was such that in the west, it became the standard technique of projection for nautical navigation and the de facto standard for maps and charts.  For seafarers it was invaluable; all they needed do was follow the line on the chart and, barring accidents, they would arrive where intended.  However, the Mercator map is a most imprecise representation of the precise shapes and relative sizes of land masses because the projection distorts the size of objects as the latitude increases from the Equator to the poles, where scale becomes infinite.  That’s why land-masses such as Greenland and Antarctica appear much larger than they actually are, relative to equatorial areas such as central Africa.

The Mercator map (left), the distorting effect of the Mercator projection with the real size in the darker shade (centre) and the actual geography of Earth's land masses (right).

In the twentieth century, that distortion attracted criticism on the grounds the projection tended to increase the size of the land-masses of the European colonial powers while reducing those in the colonized south.  However, neither Gerardus Mercator nor other cartographers had social or political axes to grind; the geographical distortion was an unintended consequence of what was designed as a navigational device and it's anyway impossible accurately to depict the surface of a sphere as a two-dimensional rectangle or square (the so-called "orange-segment" renditions are dimensionally most accurate but harder to read).  The Mercator map is no different from the map of the London Underground; a thing perfect for navigation and certainly indicative but not to exact scale.  Modern atlases generally no longer use the Mercator map (except for historical or artistic illustrations) but they’re still published as wall-maps.

The Tube

The classic "map" of the London underground is an ideal navigational aid but, conceptual rather than being drawn to scale, applying a fishnet grid would be both pointless and without meaning.  Professional cartographers refer to such things as "diagrams" or "mud maps", the latter a colloquial term which began life in the military and was a reference to the improvised "maps" drawn in the soil by soldiers in the field.  While not precise, to scale or a detailed representation of an area, they were a simple visual aid to assist in navigation.

Fishnet fan Lindsay Lohan: Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), (left), Elle Style Awards, London, February 2015 (centre) and Cannes Film Festival, May 2017 (right).  

There are both fishnet tights and fishnet stockings and unless worn in a manner to permit an observer to discern which, whether it’s one or another is often known only to the wearer, the distinction blurred further by manufacturers being sometimes inclined to be a bit loose with their labeling.  While both items of leg-wear, there are technical differences in the construction, coverage and style.  Tights should be made of a thicker, more opaque material which affords complete coverage from the waist to the toes.  Although a fashion item, the historic purpose of tights was to keep the legs warm in cold weather and they were a garment of some importance when there were dress codes which denied women the right to wear trousers.  Constructed almost always in one piece, tights have an elastic waistband which has the primary purpose of keeping them in place but there are some tights which technically are “shapewear”, the midsection an expanded, all-round elastic panel which has a mild compression effect on the areas around and immediately above the hips, rendering a more trim silhouette.  Except for a handful of high-priced products, tights use relatively thick materials like nylon or spandex (sold as lycra in some markets).  There are also composite materials now available which has meant the range of thicknesses, colors and patterns offered has been expanded and the finishes range from semi-sheer to opaque, making them suitable for casual and formal occasions while still providing protection from the cold.  The essential difference between tights and leggings is the later are shorter, stopping anywhere from the ankle to the upper calf (although some specialized sports leggings extend only to somewhere above the knee).

Australian architect & multi-media installation Bianca Censori (b 1995), Instagram post, May 2025.

Ms Censori is one of the industry's leading practitioners of minimalist fashion and on this occasion paired a fishnet top with sheer tights, sunglasses the only visible accessory.  Wearing unobtrusive mules rather than the fishnet’s clichéd stilettos was a nice juxtaposition and the background was well-chosen, proving the value of a trained architect's eye.

Classically, stockings were designed to cover only the legs between the upper-thigh and the toes.  Made typically from a sheer material, they are held in place by a device called a “garter belt” or “suspender belt” which sits around the hips, two (sometimes three) elastic “suspender slings” (a marvelous name) are attached to each side at the ends of which are metal clips into which a rubber or silicone disc is inserted through the stocking material, holding it permanently in place.  Usually sheer in a color spectrum from black to white (with a solid emphasis of “skin tone” although sensitivity to the implications of that term means it now less used), patterns are also available and among the most popular is the single, emulated “seam” running vertically up the back of the leg.  Until the mid twentieth century, stockings were made almost exclusively from silk are they remain available but the majority use some form of synthetic, either nylon or a nylon-mix and are thought to impart both a more delicate and refined look and are thus associated with formal attire.  The modern hybrid which has since the 1970s captured most of the stocking market is “pantyhose” (the construct being a portmanteau of the modified clippings of panties (panty) + hosiery (hose).  Pantyhose used the design of tights and the sheer material of stockings, the obvious advantage being the convenience of not needing the belt apparatus with its alluring but fiddly “suspender slings”.  Fishnet pantyhose are available.

Dame Jilly Cooper (1937–2025), in the 1980s, in fishnets.

Bonkbuster is a literary genre first defined in the late 1980s as meaning “novels with more emphasis on the sex than the romance and enjoying (ore expecting” best-seller status and like likelihood of adaptation in some form for the screen”.  The construct was bonk + (block)buster, the latter element used to describe highly successful book, films, albums etc.  In the literary genre Dame Jilly was the UK’s most accomplished author, something she attributed, at least in part to her “diligent research on the topic”.  Her novels were churning fantasies of smouldering glances, polo ponies, country houses and corporate back-stabbing, always with an undercurrent of infidelity, often in the green and pleasant land of the English countryside.  Before in 1975 she turned to fiction (albeit with much content drawn from he own active life), she’d spent years as a newspaper columnist where she’s offer practical advice to the modern women such as: “If you amuse a man in bed, he's not likely to bother about the mountain of dust underneath it.”  Although she always, accurately, described herself as “upper-middle class”, her novels tended up rather than down the class system and were studded with titles, money and privilege but the turn of phrase she’d honed within the tight word limits imposed on columnists never deserted her, a protagonist in one novel observing: “I don’t expect fidelity from my husbands, but I demand it from my lovers.”

The obsessive fear of nets (as opposed to mere sensible caution) is amphiblestronophobia and this would include those with a morbid aversion to fishnets although, depending on the evidence presented, a clinician might give the patient a diagnosis of textophobia (the irrational fear of certain fabrics).  There seems in the literature no mention of specific phobia tied exclusively to a fear of fishnets; while there may be a few whose experiences have led them to fear those who wear fishnets, that’s not quite the same thing.  That notwithstanding, the non-standard nouns fishnetism and fishnetists are there for those who self-identify as fishnetophiles.  The American Psychiatric Association's (APA) Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) does sometimes include discussions of specific objects and devices but fishnets seem never to have been mentioned.  Obviously though, fishnet clothing could be an element in a paraphilic disorder, a category of eight updated in the DSM’s fifth edition (DSM-5, 2013).  These disorders are characterized by intense and recurrent urges or fantasies focused on atypical sexual objects, situations, or non-consenting individuals and while those which cause significant distress or impairment can come to the attention of clinicians, there are presumably many individuals who either successfully self-manage or actively cherish their paraphilias, something no longer thought requiring clinical intervention provided the practices are “victim free”.

(1) Voyeuristic Disorder: Sexual arousal from observing others without their knowledge or consent.  This would include those aroused by the sight of fishnet garments being worn “in the wild”.

(2) Exhibitionistic Disorder: Sexual arousal from exposing one's genitals to unsuspecting strangers.

(3) Frotteuristic Disorder: Sexual arousal from touching or rubbing against a non-consenting person.

(4) Sexual Masochism Disorder: Sexual arousal from being humiliated, beaten, bound, or otherwise made to suffer.  Fishnet garments may be involved because they’re a stereotypical part of the “uniform” worn in the BDSM (Bondage; Discipline (dominance and submission); SadoMasochism) community but they would be an incidental element.

(5) Sexual Sadism Disorder: Sexual arousal from inflicting pain or humiliation on others.  Again, fishnets may be present but merely coincidental to the condition.

(6) Pedophilic Disorder: Sexual arousal from a desire to have sexual contact with a child who is not of legal age of consent.

(7) Fetishistic Disorder: Sexual arousal from non-living objects, non-genital body parts, or a combination of both.  Fishnet garments would be a classic example of a particular clothing fetish but the fondness is a spectrum and of clinical significance only if causing a patient distress or impairment.

(8) Transvestic Disorder: Sexual arousal from dressing in clothing associated with the opposite sex, particularly when not related to a transgender identity.  Fishnet garments could be an element in this but are not essential.

Crumb

Crumb (pronounced kruhm)

(1) A small particle of bread, cake, biscuit etc that has broken off.

(2) A small particle or portion of anything; fragment; bit.

(3) The soft inner portion of a bread, as distinguished from the crust (archaic).

(4) In the plural crumbs, a cake topping made of sugar, flour, butter, and spice, usually crumbled on top of the raw batter and baked with the cake.

(5) In slang, a nobody; a contemptibly objectionable or worthless person (rare).

(6) In cooking, to dress, coat or prepare with crumbs or to remove crumbs from (literally to de-crumb).

(7) To break into crumbs or small fragments.

(8) In the industrial production of food, a mixture of sugar, cocoa and milk, used to make bulk cooking chocolate.

(9) In (predominately historic military) slang, a body louse (Pediculus humanus).

Pre 1000: From the Middle English crome, cromme, crumme & crume, from the Old English cruma (crumb, fragment), from the Proto-Germanic krumô & krūmô (fragment, crumb), from the primitive Indo-European grū-mo- (something scraped together, lumber, junk; to claw, scratch), from ger- (to turn, bend, twist, wind).  It was cognate with the Dutch kruim (crumb), the Low German Krome & Krume (crumb), the Middle High German krūme & German Krume (crumb), the Danish krumme (crumb), the Swedish dialectal krumma (crumb) & the Swedish inkråm (crumbs, giblets), the Icelandic krumur (crumb), the Latin grūmus (a little heap (usually of earth) and the Ancient Greek grumea (from ψιχίον (psichion)) (bag or chest for old clothes).

The un-etymological -b- appeared in the mid-fifteenth century as in limb & climb to match crumble and words like dumb, numb & thumb although there may also have been the influence of French words like humble (where it makes sense, unlike in in English where it’s just silly given crumb should be spelled “crum” or “krum”.  The slang meaning "lousy person" dates from 1918, linked to US troops who had picked up crumb as a word to describe the body-louses well known in the trenches on the Western Front in France.  The use to refer to louses, base on the resemblance, was from another war, attested from 1863 during the US Civil War.  The obsolete alternative spelling was the dialectal crimb.  Crumb, crumbling, crumbler, crumbling & crumble are nouns & verbs, crumbled is a verb, crumbly is a noun & adjective and crumbable is an adjective; the noun plural is crumbs.

The adjective crummy dates from the 1560s in the sense of “easily crumbled" but within a decade had come also to mean "like bread", the slang adoption of which to suggest "shoddy, filthy, inferior, poorly made" in use by 1859, either from the earlier sense or influenced by the more recent used to refer to the louse.  In one curiosity thought probably related to the resemblance to certain loaves of bread, crummy was briefly (although dialectical use did persist) used in the eighteenth century to describe a woman, "attractively plump, full-figured, buxom" although any link with Robert Crumb’s later work Stormy Daniels is mere coincidence.  The related forms are crummily & crumminess.  The adjective crumby (full of crumbs) is from 1731 and while it overlapped with crummy, it seems almost always to have been applied literally.

The verb crumble is from the late-fifteenth century kremelen (to break into small fragments (transitive)), from the Old English crymelan, thought to be the frequentative of gecrymman (to break into crumbs), from cruma; the intransitive sense of "fall into small pieces" dating from the 1570s.  As a noun, crumb has meant "a fragment" at least since the 1570s but as a cake or dessert-topping (made of sugar, flour, butter, and spice, usually crumbled on top of the raw batter and baked with the dish), the first known reference is in English newspapers in 1944, one of the techniques recommended as a culinary innovation during the wartime food rationing, the best remembered of which is the vegetarian “Woolton Pie”, named after Lord Woolton (1883-1964; UK Minister of Food 1940-1943)

Stormy Daniels (2019) by Robert Crumb.

Robert Crumb (b 1943) is an US cartoonist, associated since the 1960s with the counter-culture and some strains of libertarianism; he was one of the most identifiable figures of the quasi-underground comix movement.  There is a genre-description of the long-typical women in his work as “Crumb women” based on the depiction of the physical characteristics he most admired although, for reasons he’s widely discussed, he no longer feels the need to draw women in that manner.  He still draws women but the work is now more literally representational, his portrait of pornographic actress & director Stormy Daniels (Stephanie Gregory Clifford; b 1979) a more sympathetic interpretation than Donald Trump's (b 1946; US president 2017-2021) ungracious description of her as “horse face”.  Really, President Trump should be more respectful towards a three-time winner of F.A.M.E.'s (Fans of Adult Media and Entertainment) much coveted annual "Favorite Breasts" Award.

Handed down on Tuesday 30 November 2021, Set the Standard is a report by sex discrimination commissioner Kate Jenkins (b 1968) on behalf of the Human Rights Commission, exploring bullying, sexual harassment and sexual assault experienced by those working in commonwealth parliamentary workplaces in Australia.  The report recommends (1) codes of conduct which should apply to both parliamentarians and their staff and (2) standards of conduct within the parliamentary space.  The printed version includes evidence from some seventeen hundred individuals, including almost 150 current or former parliamentarians and some 900 current or former staffers.  At this time, it appears the only restriction placed on politician’s behavior is the so-called “bonk-ban”, the proscription of ministers and their staff enjoying sex together, a thing imposed in the wake of the revelation of Barnaby Joyce's (b 1967; thrice (between local difficulties) deputy prime-minister of Australia 2016-2022) adulterous affair with the taxpayer-funded help.  The way around that is apparently for ministers to arrange staff-swaps with other offices because the bonk-ban doesn’t extend to sex with other people’s staff and it’ll be fun to see what tricks and techniques are adopted as work-arounds to avoid what little will be done between the three months it takes for the Jenkins’ report to work its way through the system and the following three weeks it takes to forget about it.  The politicians like things the way they are; expect more of the same.

Although it didn’t make it into the report, one group of enablers of poor conduct subsequently identified were the “crumb ladies”, the female politicians who are doughty defenders of the predatory male politicians who are the perpetrators of abuse inflicted on women, the reference to crumbs being the pathetic and insignificant rewards tossed their way by the male establishment who divide the spoils of office mostly among themselves.  While the men enjoy the important jobs, the most lucrative perks and the best travel to civilized spots, the "crumb ladies", knowing their place and toeing the line, might pick up the odd appointment as an "assistant something" or a holiday (disguised as a study trip) to somewhere where (usually) it’s safe to drink the water.  The existence of the parliament’s “crumb ladies” alludes to the use of crumbs as a device in the New Testament.  Crumbs which fall from the table appear in an increasing number of translations and of particular theological interest are Matthew 15:27 and Mark 7:28.  However, the best illustration in this context is probably Luke 16:21: "...and desiring to be fed with the crumbs which fell from the rich man's table".

Lindsay Lohan MH Crumble Cake #'d Tobacco cards 462 (left) & 463 (right).

Rhubarb & Apple Crumble

All crumble recipes are forks of apple crumble and the same instructions can be used with just about any combinations of fruit.  Crumbles can be assemble to emphasize tartness, sweetness or a blend of the two.  Among the favorites to mix and match are rhubarb, apple, pineapple, apricot, peach, boysenberry, & strawberry.  The extent of the sweetness can further be enhanced by adding more sugar (brown sugar is recommended) although many prefer to use honey.

Core Ingredients

450g rhubarb, cut into 1 inch (25 mm) slices.
350g apples (Granny Smith recommended), peeled and cut into 1 inch (25 mm) chunks.
1 vanilla pod, split open (or 1 teaspoon of vanilla paste or extract).
120g golden caster sugar.
Ice cream, custard or thickened cream (as preferred) to serve.

Topping Ingredients

200g plain flour.
1 tsp ground ginger (optional).
100g cold salted butter, chopped.
70g light soft brown sugar

Instructions

(1) Pre-heat oven to 200^oC / 390^oF (180^oC / 360^oF if fan forced).

(2) Place rhubarb, apples, vanilla and sugar together in an ovenproof dish and toss to ensure vanilla & sugar coating is consistent.

Roast for 10 minutes.

(4) Place flour in a large bowl, mixing in ginger if it’s being used.  Using fingertips, rub in butter to create a chunky breadcrumb-like textured mixture.

(5) When texture is achieved, stir through the sugar (creating the crumble).

(6) Sprinkle crumble topping onto the fruit and cook for a further 30-35 minutes or until the topping is a light, golden brown.

(7) Serve with ice cream, custard or thickened cream as preferred.