Bandage

Bandage (pronounced ban-dij)

(1) A strip of soft cloth or other material used to bind up a wound, sore, sprain etc, or as a protective compression device to prevent or limit injury.

(2) Anything used as a band or ligature.

(3) To bind or cover with a bandage; to put a bandage on a wound, sprain etc, or as a protective compression device to prevent or limit injury.

(4) In fashion, a type of dress, distinguished from similar styles by the use of knitted fabrics.

(5) Figuratively, by extension, a provisional or makeshift solution that provides insufficient coverage or relief (also as band-aid solution).

1590-1600: From the Middle English bandage (strip of soft cloth or other material used in binding wounds, stopping bleeding etc), from the sixteenth century French bandage, from the Old French bander (to bind), from bande (a strip).  The verb bandage (to dress a wound etc, with a bandage) dates from 1734 (and was implied in bandaging).  Bandage is the spelling in Danish, Dutch, German, English & Swedish but other languages localized the French including Norwegian Bokmål (bandasje) Polish (bandaż) & Turkish (bandaj).  The spelling in the constructed Esperanto is bandaĝo.  The noun bandager really does appear in first-aid manuals but bandagist (one who sells bandages) is now rare.  Other words used in similar vein include dressing, gauze, plaster, swathe, truss, compress, bind & wrap.  Bandage & bandaging are nouns & verbs, bandager & bandagist are nouns, bandaged is a verb & adjective and bandagelike is an adjective; the noun plural is bandages.

The noun compress, (in the surgical sense of "soft mass of linen or other cloth to press against some part of the body (with the aid of a bandage)”), as an adaptation from the earlier verb, evolved in the 1590s in parallel with bandage.  In earlier use, the noun ligament (band of tough tissue binding bones) was a late fourteenth century creation from the Latin ligamentum (a band, bandage, tie, ligature), from ligare (to bind, tie), from the primitive Indo-European root leig- (to tie, bind) and in the medical literature, ligamental, ligamentous & ligamentary still occasionally appear.  One technical term from medicine which seems extinct is the verb deligate (to bind up, bandage), noted since 1840 (and implied in deligated), from the Latin deligatus (bound fast), from deligare (to bind fast), the construct being de- (from the Latin dē-, from the preposition dē (of, from); the Old English æf- was a similar prefix) + ligare (to bind).  Under the Raj, the noun puttee (long strip of cloth wound round the lower leg as protection by soldiers) enjoyed a evolution in spelling typical of many words in British India, patawa in 1875, puttie by 1886 and the modern puttee finally (more or less) standardized by 1900).  The source was the Hindi patti (band, bandage) from the Sanskrit pattah (strip of cloth).  The noun fascia did have a brief career in medicine, being from the Latin fascia (a band, bandage, swathe, ribbon), derivative of fascis (bundle (which as fasces became a familiar form in the twentieth century)).  In English, the original use was in architecture, the anatomical application not noted until 1788 and it’s now also a familiar form in botany, music, astronomy and interior design, most obviously in cars.  The noun bandeau (headband), now much associated with revolutionaries (and in fashion the emulation) dates from 1706, from the French bandeau, from the twelfth century Old French bandel & bendel (bandage, binding), a diminutive of bande (a band, a strip).  As a style of women's top or bra, it was first described in 1968 and is distinguished from similar styles in being of a rectangular cut, the hems forming two horizontal lines above and below the breasts.

The bandage dress

Model Charlotte McKinney (b 1993) in red bodycon dress, 2018.  This one is not a true "bandage" because it's not constructed with the horizontal cuts of fabric (al la a wrapped bandage).

Although the motif of what is called the bandage dress is clearly identifiable in depictions of women pre-dating Antiquity, the creation of the modern commercial product is credited to the 1980s work of Tunisian couturier Azzedine Alaïa (1935-2017) but it is with French designer Hervé Peugnet’s (1957–2017) fashion house Hervé Léger that the style is now most associated.  The bandage dress is a specific interpretation of the earlier, figure-hugging bodycon dress, the name originally a contraction of "body conscious" which the industry would later morph into "body confidence" (a movement forgotten as soon as GLP-1 (glucagon-like peptide-1) appetite-suppressant drugs entered mainstream availability) in reaction to criticism and in Japan, they were marketed as ボディコン (bodikon), a spelling better suited to traditional pronunciation in Japanese.

Model Kate Upton (b 1992) in bandage dress, 2011.  Quite how the predominate color should be described will divide opinion.  Most would probably settle on “purplish-gray” although something like “dusky plum-grey” would appeal to those in the marketing department; it could be called “mauve” but usually that implies a lighter hue.  This one is a genuine “bandage”, distinguished by being built from form-hugging horizontal sections of fabric.

What distinguished bandage from bodycon was the fabric, the former made not with anything woven, engineered instead to compress using machine-knitted material, the completed panels left uncut and assembled to created the finished item.  Bandage dresses thus, although truly suitable for only one body type, because of the compression effect of the knitted fabric, do (slightly) extend the parameters of the silhouette which can be accommodated while still being aesthetically successful whereas bodycon dresses made from fabrics which merely cling rather than smooth out imperfections rely on an ideally formed frame.  For that reason, the jocular slang “body compression” was sometimes used to describe this sub-set of the bodycon, the bandage dress working like externally worn shapewear, corset-like in effect if not quite an actual exoskeleton.

Lindsay Lohan (b 1986) in bodycon dress with fishnet stockings, 2008.  Visually, this one is a bit of a hybrid because, although not built-up with fabric layers, the "bandage-look is emulated with stitched-folds.  When worn by someone with a flawless figure, the "corrective" tricks of the bandage construction are not demanded.  

Hervé Léger in 1992 first displayed the bandage dresses which would come to be the style’s definitive look; instantly popular, they were a red-carpet staple well into the twenty-first century.  Still a big seller, the bandage dress in 2015 migrated, via the twittersphere, from the fashion section to the front page when the comments of Patrick Couderc (b 1961, then managing director of Hervé Léger's British distributor, MJH Fashion), were published.  In an interview with the Daily Mail on Sunday, Mr Couderc made it clear he’d prefer it if some women would avoid buying Hervé Léger’s most famous creation, those on the proscribed list including lesbians, those beyond a certain age and anyone with a less than ideal silhouette.

There was an element of classism too in his critique as he lamented the growing popularity of the bandage dress, too many now seen on the wrong-shaped customers and worse still, they were often cheap knock-offs of the £1,300 (US$1600) originals and thus increasingly associated with reality TV stars and those working in hair salons.  Admitting dryly “you can be a victim of your success”, his comments seemed to echo those reported earlier in the century by the distributers of a high-end cognac and the Maybach, Daimler-Benz’s ill-fated mistake in thinking what was needed was a brand above Mercedes-Benz which, for almost a century, had been good enough for presidents, popes and potentates.  Then the complaint had been that drink and car were finding favor with hip-hop & rap stars and this most interpreted as an expression of concern the association with people of color might “cheapen the brand”.  Mr Couderc didn’t comment on skin color but told The Mail he refuses to give free dresses to celebrities if they are “judged to lack sufficient class”.

Clearly a student of the interplay of sociology and economics, he allowed his mind to wander wide, recalling that he’d “...never go out to dinner if she’s not wearing tights.  I think hosiery is something which is very magical in my world and I’m veering off into complete poetry now.  But it’s a social statement because in the 1980s, the difference between someone who was wearing tights and someone who was not was very significant.”  Clearly nostalgic for a time when the poor were less inclined to get ideas above their station, he added that then, “...whoever was wearing tights was working in a private office in a bank in St James’s and whoever was not wearing tights was coming to work as a shampooist in a High Street hairdresser, commuting from Croydon.  We were living in a time where the distinction between the two social strata was much more significant than today”.  How he must long for that vanished, pre-1945 world, when folk from Croydon were deferential to their betters.

Actor Salma Hayek (b 1966) in lavender bandage dress, 1998.

The attitude was hardly unique in the industry, Abercrombie & Fitch early in the century re-built into a highly profitable company using a model former CEO Mike Jeffries (b 1944) described in a 2006 interview as “exclusionary” noting their clothes were a product in which “a lot of people don’t belong and they can’t belong.”  That really wasn’t an unusual business model but it was rare for a CEO so bluntly to state the obvious and, when the comments were published in 2013, Mr Jeffries issued a apology saying "We are completely opposed to any discrimination, bullying, derogatory characterizations or other anti-social behavior based on race, gender, body type or other individual characteristics".  Also controversial was a later comment, attributed in 2013 to (an unnamed) Abercrombie and Fitch district manager.  It’s said the person being interviewed requested anonymity so the statements have never been verified but it was reported that when asked how the company responds to non-profits asking for donations of discontinued clothing to be given to the poor and homeless, the reply was “Abercrombie and Fitch doesn’t want to create the image that just anybody, poor people, can wear their clothing. Only people of a certain stature are able to purchase and wear the company name”, to which he added they would rather “burn the clothes” than risk them being seen on the backs of the poor.  Again, while rarely discussed, the practice of destroying rather than discounting or giving away unsold or discontinued items is widespread in the industry.  In 2024, Mr Jefferies was indicted in the US on criminal charges of sex trafficking and interstate prostitution of young men.  In 2025, a judge accepted a motion filed by the prosecution and defense saying Mr Jeffries was suffering from advanced dementia and Alzheimer's disease and was thus not competent to stand trial.  After a period of assessment in hospital at the FMC (Federal Medical Center), in November 2025 he was released from custody but, surprising some, within a month prosecutors informed the court Mr Jeffries had been re-assessed after treatment and was now fit to stand trial; in August 2026 this was accepted by the court and a hearing date is expected soon to be announced.

Speaking at Hervé Léger’s boutique in Knightsbridge, Central London, the like-minded Mr Couderc wasn’t entirely lacking in empathy, noting “You women have a lot of problems. You will lose the plot.  You will come and you will put a dress on and you’ll be in front of the mirror, like, ‘Argh, I’m so fat’”.  “Yes, you have a 12th of an inch around your stomach, it’s not really a disaster, and what you’re not noticing is that your cleavage is about two inches too low because you are 55 and it’s time that you should not display everything like you’re 23.”  At this point he did concede the particular virtue of the bandage dress was it could in such cases “provide useful support” but that didn’t mean he approved.

How a Hervé Léger bandage dress should hang.

He’d clearly thought about things, his advice to lesbians (presumably young or old) that “if you’re a committed lesbian and you are wearing trousers all your life, you won’t want to buy a Léger dress.  Lesbians would want to be rather butch and leisurely.”  Warming to the topic, he went on to say “voluptuous” women (most drawing the inference he meant "not slender") and those with “very prominent hips and a very flat chest” should wear something else, adding the handy hint that women must not wear underwear that was too small, because “the knicker line cuts through the flesh and goes through the other side of the dress” thereby creating the dreaded VPL “visible panty line.”

Hervé Léger’s Moscow store.

Quite what he thought the reaction to his comments would be isn’t recorded but while his views may not much have changed since the 1980s, much of the rest of the world now has the means to respond en masse and what should have been the foreseen twitterstorm (X used to be called Twitter) quickly gathered, the hashtags  #boycottherveleger & #wecanwearwhateverthefuckwewant soon trending.  Doubtlessly fearing the "righteous wrath and indignation" of blood-thirsty lesbians, those not slender, chav shampooists and women of a certain age, Max Azria’s (1949-2019) BCBGMAXAZRIA Group (that in 1998 had acquired Hervé Léger), went immediately into crisis management mode, issuing a statement saying they were “...shocked and appalled by Patrick Couderc’s comments made in the Mail on Sunday.  BCBGMAXAZRIA Group is working in concert with MJH Fashion, the London-based licensee of the Herve Leger brand, to investigate and establish appropriate next steps. The statements made by Mr Couderc are not a reflection of Herve Leger by Max Azria or MJH Fashion ideals or sentiments.”  The Herve Leger by Max Azria brand celebrates sensuality, glamour and femininity without discrimination.”  Less than 24 hours later, MJH Fashion confirmed Mr Couderc was no longer employed by the company.  Max Azria (1949–2019) in 2016 ended his connection with BCBGMAXAZRIA and its associated companies and in 2017 the group filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection, the intellectual property rights and assets later acquired by the Marquee Brands division of the Global Brands Group.  Bandage dresses remain popular.

Prosaic

Prosaic (pronounced proh-zey-ik)

(1) Of writing or speaking, straightforward; matter-of-fact; lacking the feeling or elegance of poetry.

(2) Something commonplace or dull; matter-of-fact or unimaginative; overly plain, simple or commonplace, to the point of being boring.

(3) Of or having the character or form of prose, the ordinary form of spoken or written language, rather than of poetry (now of technical use only).

1650-1660: From the fifteenth century Middle French prosaïque and directly from the sixteenth century Medieval Latin prōsaicus (in prose), from the Classical Latin prōsa (prose), from prorsus (straightforward, in prose), from the Old Latin provorus (straight ahead), the construct being pro- (forward) + vorsus (turned), from vertō (to turn), from the primitive Indo-European wer- (to turn, to bend).  The original meaning was technical, distinguishing text as prose rather than poetry and in this sense was usually written as prosaicus (in prose).  The first hints of literary hierarchy were first noted in French in 1746 when used to contrast the “character” of prose in contrast to the “feeling” of poetry.  The sense of describing something ordinary or mundane first seen in French in 1813, a meaning soon adopted in English.  Prosaic & prosaical are adjectives, prosify is a verb, prosified & prosifying are verbs & adjectives, prosaicness is a noun and prosaically is an adverb.

Figurative use of poetic & prosaic:  Jaguar E-Type (XK-E, 1961-1974) (left) & Jaguar XJ-S (1975-1996) (right).  "Poetry in motion" is a cliché but when the E-Type first was seen, that was the phrase some journalists chose.

Whether Enzo Ferrari (1898-1988) ever called the E-Type "the most beautiful car in the world" remains uncertain (though he certainly never issued a denial) but over the decades plenty have echoed the sentiment, sometimes using the phrase "poetry in motion".  By 1975, the world had changed and there were now rules with which to comply and although the XJ-S (later XJS) wasn't really a replacement for the E-Type, because of the timing, that was the basis on may of the early reports based at least some of their critique.  Dynamically, on about any objective measure, it was a better car than the E-Type but nobody is known to have claimed it was better looking and in some contemporary reviews, the styling was described as "prosaic".  It might have been more accurate to use the word "pragmatic" and the lines perhaps aged better than many at the time anticipated, the car in (almost) continuous production for over twenty years and the platform endured until 2006, providing the underpinnings for the first generation of Jaguar's XK8 (1996-2005) and the Aston Martin DB7 (1997-2004), both of which looked better than the XJ-S although neither matched the timeless E-Type.  Upon release, there was much comment about the styling lacking the appeal of the E-Type but the XJ-S was less a replacement than an entry into a new market segment, the anyway declining sports car segment abandoned.  Regarding its capabilities, the press were fair, one publication noting it was smooth, quiet and luxurious yet "capable of speeds that would have won a grand prix not 15 years ago".  That comparison was admittedly with Formula One's voiturette (1.5 litre, naturally aspirated) era but it was an indication that even in the troubled 1970s, there had been progress.   

1983 Jaguar XJ-S Lynx Eventer shooting brake.

What many regard as the best-looking XJS version were the "shooting brakes" (a kind of station wagon) made by specialist coach-builders, the best-known of which was the Lynx Eventer, 67 of which were made.  Critics at the time noted the rear treatment rendered a better balanced shape and much the same observation was made of the convertible (1988-1996) version (less so the SC "cabriolet" (1983-1988)).  Although the pre-war shooting brakes often were built for the HFS (hunting, fishing & shooting) set who needed space for shotguns, fishing rods, hunting hounds and such, in the 1980s they emerged in the niche of the "horsey" set although there was obviously appeal for those who liked the image even if they never sat in a saddle.  In naming the Eventer, Lynx may have had in mind the sport of "eventing", an equestrian sport in which a single horse & rider compete against others across the three disciplines of dressage, cross-country, and show jumping, the roots in the drills European armies conducted to ensure officers seeking a commission in the cavalry possessed the requisite skills.  Eventing has a reasonably impressive death toll of both riders and beasts but it continues to exert a pull with women especially drawn; that's not surprising because some girls fall in love with horses at pony club and never quite recover.

1986 "Daimler S Design Study".

The shooting brake coachwork eliminated the buttresses that were the design's most distinctive feature and interestingly, they were sacrificed also when the factory in 1986 undertook a “design-study” for a proposed "luxury version", to be sold as the “Daimler S”.  The shape was judged most pleasing, unlike the “Coupé” version of the Jensen Interceptor (1966-1976), a reputed 60 of which were built in 1975-1976.  Without the dramatically expansive rear window (nicknamed "the fishbowl"), the design didn't please many and it was later revealed that, struggling to recover from the mid-1970s recession and collapse in demand for big, thirsty cars (both a consequence of the first oil shock), the company had exhausted their supply of closed body shells so "cobbled together" a top to be attached to some of remaining convertible (1974-1976) bodies awaiting completion.  That's may account for why it looked like something of a design college project that may (generously) have been graded a "C-" but, approaching bankruptcy, Jensen was in its death throes.

The original Jensen Interceptor (1966-1976, left) "saloon" and the hastily improvised Coupé (1975-1976, right).  The vinyl glued to the roof didn't help and it was a difficult time for the dying company but Jaguar's execution of the same concept (add a roof to a convertible) on the one-off Daimler S was more accomplished.  Verging on the brutish, nobody ever called the Interceptor's lines "poetic" but the appeal has endured and even today there are companies offering "refurbishment packages" including modern power-trains and electronics.

One thing the Daimler S had in common with the unfortunate Interceptor Coupé was the project being relatively cheap to execute because much of the engineering work had already been done in creating open versions (a full convertible by Jensen; the “SC” version of the XJS with a Triumph Stag-like fixture atop).  Sales of the XJ-S SC were sufficiently encouraging for a team to be formed to produce a conventional convertible, one aspect of the project a removable hard-top (always a factory option for the smaller E-Type).  Because of the sheer size (and consequently weight) of such a structure, that proved unviable but, the styling done, the idea of a “notchback coupé” was explored, the “Daimler” brand available to enable the thing to be sold at a higher price.  The prototype Daimler S required more than welding on the aborted hard-top but not much more, the main differences the different rear-side windows and fluted fittings on the grill & trunk (boot) lid trim.  The planned interior fit-out (a more lavish use of timber veneers, carpet & leather) was never fitted to the prototype and wilder thoughts in the engineering office included AWD (all-wheel drive) but none of the speculation ever even reached the drawing boards.  The one-off Daimler S did get as far as US focus groups for "market reaction" to be assessed but it had the misfortune of being displayed with a prototype XJ-S convertible and while the response to the coupé was polite, the convertible was received with an enthusiasm matched by the US dealer network, none of whom needed a focus group to tell them where demand lay.  While the lines of neither the Lynx Eventer or Daimler S would be likely to attract the epithet "poetic", both shapes improved on the original.  

Prosaic is an example of the figurative adoption of a word with a precise technical meaning assuming such popularity that the original sense became relegated to specialists.  Once, any text not poetic was “prosaic” (ie “written in prose”), and this description denoted nothing negative; it was just a way of distinguishing between written forms, reflecting prosaic’s origins in the Latin prosa (prose).  However, by the seventeen century, poetry had come to be regarded as a most superior form of expression, considered more beautiful, imaginative, and emotional, prose relegated to the status of the mundane and procedural.  The figurative use evolved from this and prosaic came to be used to refer to anything thought ordinary or unimaginative including music, ideas, architecture, Jaguars etc.  The adjective thus transformed into a synonym for "colorless, drab, lifeless, lacklustre, humdrum, dull, pedestrian, unimaginative" etc and this resulted in phrases which once would have been thought bizarre or tautological: “prosaic poetry” & “prosaic prose”.  In its original technical sense (distinguishing the style of writing used for poetry from other literature), the word is now rarely used other than by those somewhere in the "literature business" and, even there, use can be challenging because of the implications of the modern sense(s).  Still, for those who wish to emphasise certain bad texts are worse even than others, the comparative is "more prosaic" and the superlative, "most prosaic".

Dylan Thomas (1914–1953, left) and his wife Caitlin Thomas (née Macnamara; 1913-1994, right) in the bar of Brown’s Hotel, Laugharne, Wales, 1938.

As the origin in the Latin prosa or pronersa oratio (straightforward discourse) suggests, “prose” is the language in its direct, unadorned form, flowing in the way of style(s) written or spoken in everyday life.  It differs from poetry or verse in not being restricted in rhythm, measure or rhyme although, in literary theory, there exists also “poetic prose” and the “prose poem”.  Literary theory however has, in the last sixty years-odd, constructed a large and sometimes bewildering array of technical terms and categories and the possible number of distinct prose forms may be close to limitless.  Poetic prose is prose which approximates to verse in the use of rhythm (perhaps even a kind of meter) in the elaborate and ornate use of language, and especially in the use of figurative devices like onomatopoeia, assonance and metaphor.  Except in experimental form, poetic prose usually is deployed only as a literary device, appearing in short works or in brief passages in longer pieces in order to achieve a (not always entirely clear) specific effect although the common element seems to be something like “an elevation of the emotional temperature”.  Authors interpolating passages of poetic prose have included Thomas De Quincey (1785–1859, best known for his Confessions of an English Opium-Eater (1821)), Herman Melville (1819–1891), Arthur Rimbaud (1854–1891), James Joyce (1882–1941, whose use of poetic prose wasn’t always immediately accessible), Virginia Woolf (1882–1941) and William Faulkner (1897–1962).  Classic examples of the “hybrid form” are sectionsof the narrator’s narrative in the radio play Under Milk Wood (1952) by Dylan Thomas (1914–1953).

The Collected Prose of T.S. Eliot (2024), in four volumes, edited by Archie Burnett.

A prose poem is a composition printed as prose but distinguished by elements common in poetry, such as often elaborately contrived rhythms, figures of speech, rhyme, internal rhyme, assonance, consonance and startling imagery.  In academic use, it’s the tragic and only posthumously recognized French proto-symbolist Aloysius Bertrand (pen name of Louis Jacques Napoléon Bertrand, 1807-1841) who is acknowledged as having introduced prose poetry to French writing and, more that others, it was him who (retrospectively) made it a fashionable sub-genre among the avant-garde, the seminal work being Gaspard de la Nuit-Fantaisies à la manière de Rembrandt et de Callot (Gaspard of the Night-Fantasies in the Manner of Rembrandt and Callot, 1842), a collection of fantasies in the manner of the Dutch painter Rembrandt (Rembrandt Harmenszoon van Rijn; 1606-1669) and Jacques Callot (circa 1592–1635, a printmaker in the baroque style, born in the then independent Duchy of Lorraine).  Although it was the intricacy of the ornate and rhythmical language that contributed to the recognition of the prose poem as a literary form, upon publication, it made little impact and only later became influential though for more than a century it remained neglected in English.  When French critics finally took notice, the initial spread of the work owed much to the dazzling images, a number of which were, by the standards of the age, monumentally grotesque.  The influence on the French poet, essayist, translator and art critic Charles Baudelaire (1821–1867) was obvious in his Le Spleen de Paris (Paris Spleen, 1869 and better known by its subsequent title Petits Poèmes en prose (Little Poems in Prose)), a collection of 50 short prose poems and one of the building blocks of literary modernism.  The symbolist poets and surrealists also acknowledged a debt, as did T. S. Eliot (1888–1965) although his fork of modernism was so striking it seems almost unfair much to dwell on the precursors.

Lindsay Lohan, a poem by Amber Tambling, from the collection Dark Sparkler (2015).

Actress and author Amber Tamblyn (b 1983) solved the writer's dilemma about whether to handle the subject of Lindsay Lohan in prose or poetry by using no text at all.  The publisher HarperCollins described her third collection Dark Sparkler (2015) as a “…hybrid of poetry and art exploring the lives and deaths of actresses who began their careers as child stars.”  The book, which included original artwork by a number of artists, was well received, critically and commercially.  The title was well-chosen because Dark Sparkler was a catalogue of murder and suicide but what attracted much comment was the inclusion of one living soul: Lindsay Lohan, her entry (on page 47) blank but for her name as the title.  An author’s relationship ultimately is with their readers but first it’s with their critics and the response to that one proved it’s possible to deconstruct text even when it doesn’t appear.  As the postmodernists explained, even a blank page is "text" to be deconstructed to find meaning and should the conclusion be there is "no meaning", that too is "a meaning".  Whether fashionable or not, postmodernism made a contribution to literary criticism and remains available for readers to take from it what they will.  Some of the critical reaction to Ms Tambling's Lindsay Lohan was something in vein of those who approached John Cage’s (1912–1992) 4:33 (1952) in that, without much with which to work, the only obvious question seemed to be “What did you mean?”  Ms Tamblyn did say she found it “upsetting” when, after reading several of the poems dedicated to starlets who died young, she spoke the words “Lindsay Lohan” and the audience laughed; perhaps, in the age of the TikTokers she’d not now be surprised.  The poet claimed the inclusion of the piece in its unusual form was not to say “you’re next” but explicitly to avoid writing anything about a life in progress, the idea being Ms Lohan’s life was her own story to write.  Like any work of prose or poetry, page 47 was there for people to take from it what they found but presumably, the interpretative range might be wider than for those reading something like John Keats’ (1795-1821) ode To Autumn (1820).

The Tay Bridge Disaster

William Topaz McGonagall (circa 1825–1902) was a Scottish poet of Irish ancestry, now acknowledged as perhaps the worst poet ever to have been published in English, a fair achievement given the wealth of modern competition.  His best known work remains The Tay Bridge Disaster (1880), lamenting the disaster of 28 December, 1879 when, during a severe gale, the central section of Dundee's Tay Rail Bridge collapsed, sending to their deaths in the freezing water the 80-odd souls aboard the Wormit-Dundee train passing at the time.  Regarded during its brief existence as a triumph of Victorian (1837-1901) engineering, the Tay Rail Bridge was nearly two miles (3.2 km) long and then the longest in the world but it had been built with an insufficient allowance for lateral wind-load, the structure that night succumbing to the gale-force winds estimated at 80 mph (130 km/h, 70 knots).  An enquiry was conducted and the designer, Sir Thomas Bouch (1822-1880) (dubbed a Knight Bachelor at Windsor Castle on 26 June, 1879 by Victoria (1819–1901; Queen of the UK 1837-1901) in recognition of the quick and economic construction of the bridge) was found for primarily responsible for the disaster.  His health suffered as a consequence of the event and within a year of the collapse, he was dead.

The Tay Bridge after the collapse (National Library of Scotland image).

Whether the The Tay Bridge Disaster can be said to be prosaic is debatable because there are probably better adjectives but critics have long been united that it's a very bad piece of poetry and it's doubtful a re-rendering in prose would be much of an improvement, one writing of it that McGonagall was “deaf to poetic metaphor, employing inappropriate rhythms that resulted in unintentionally amusing poetry.”  Said to be wholly oblivious to the invective almost universally directed to his oeuvre of over two-hundred pieces of verse, his sheer awfulness and tenacity caused him to be remembered to this day for at least something while countless poets who were merely earnest and competent are long forgotten.  Whether The Tay Bridge Disaster is the "worst ever" poem is up to readers but the problem with poetry is that its appreciation is a specific skill-set and not all possess the skill.  Were the critics to have praised the piece as a work or rare genius and pronounced it a masterpiece, many of us would have taken their word for it.

The Tay Bridge Disaster by William McGonagall

Beautiful Railway Bridge of the Silv’ry Tay!
Alas! I am very sorry to say
That ninety lives have been taken away
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember’d for a very long time.
 
’Twas about seven o’clock at night,
And the wind it blew with all its might,
And the rain came pouring down,
And the dark clouds seem’d to frown,
And the Demon of the air seem’d to say-
“I’ll blow down the Bridge of Tay.”
 
When the train left Edinburgh
The passengers’ hearts were light and felt no sorrow,
But Boreas blew a terrific gale,
Which made their hearts for to quail,
And many of the passengers with fear did say-
“I hope God will send us safe across the Bridge of Tay.”
 
But when the train came near to Wormit Bay,
Boreas he did loud and angry bray,
And shook the central girders of the Bridge of Tay
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember’d for a very long time.
 
So the train sped on with all its might,
And Bonnie Dundee soon hove in sight,
And the passengers’ hearts felt light,
Thinking they would enjoy themselves on the New Year,
With their friends at home they lov’d most dear,
And wish them all a happy New Year.
 
So the train mov’d slowly along the Bridge of Tay,
Until it was about midway,
Then the central girders with a crash gave way,
And down went the train and passengers into the Tay!
The Storm Fiend did loudly bray,
Because ninety lives had been taken away,
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember’d for a very long time.
 
As soon as the catastrophe came to be known
The alarm from mouth to mouth was blown,
And the cry rang out all o’er the town,
Good Heavens! the Tay Bridge is blown down,
And a passenger train from Edinburgh,
Which fill’d all the peoples hearts with sorrow,
And made them for to turn pale,
Because none of the passengers were sav’d to tell the tale
How the disaster happen’d on the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember’d for a very long time.
 
It must have been an awful sight,
To witness in the dusky moonlight,
While the Storm Fiend did laugh, and angry did bray,
Along the Railway Bridge of the Silv’ry Tay,
Oh! ill-fated Bridge of the Silv’ry Tay,
I must now conclude my lay
By telling the world fearlessly without the least dismay,
That your central girders would not have given way,
At least many sensible men do say,
Had they been supported on each side with buttresses,
At least many sensible men confesses,
For the stronger we our houses do build,
The less chance we have of being killed.

Mainline

Mainline (pronounced meyn-lahyn)

(1) A slang term for the intravenous (injected directly into a vein as opposed to subcutaneous (skin popping)) use of injectable drugs (historically associated most with opium and its derivatives, especially heroin);  a principal or prominent vein into which a drug can be injected.

(2) To use, enjoy or imbibe something without restriction.

(3) The normal, established, or widely accepted position; major (a synonym of mainstream although without any of the the negative connotations mainstream has in recent years acquired.

(4) In rail transport (1) of or pertaining to the principal route or line of a railway or (2) of or pertaining to a surface railway as distinct from an underground, elevated or light rail one (originally as main line or main-line).

(5) In computing, to integrate (code etc) into the main repository for a software project, rather than separate forks.

(6) In civil aviation, an airline's main operating unit, as opposed to codeshares or regional subsidiaries (by extension from the railroad use).

(7) As Mainlinie (line of the Maine), a (historical and political) boundary between northern and southern Germany, roughly following the River Main.

(8) In chess, of a sequence of opening moves, the principal, most important, or most often played variation of such (ie the "main line", the orthodox sequence of opening moves considered to be "best play").

(9) In foodie slang, voraciously to consume.

(10) In longline fishing, the central line to which the branch lines with baits are attached.

(11) In plumbing, the pipeline carrying wastewater to the public drains or a septic tank.

(12) In the US and Australia, related but different models of Ford cars sold during the 1950s.

1841 (1933-1934 as applied to injectable drugs): All senses of mainline (sometimes variously as main-line or with initial capital) are Americanisms and a compound of main + line.  Main is from the Middle English mayn, main, maine, mæin & meyn, from main (noun) and related to the Old English mægen (strong, main, principal) and the Old Norse megn & megenn (strong, main).  It was cognate with Old High German megīn (strong, mighty) from which Modern German gained Möge & Vermögen (power, wealth) and akin to the Old English magan (to be able to).  Line is from the Middle English line & lyne, from Old English līne (line, cable, rope, hawser, series, row, rule, direction) from the Proto-Germanic līnǭ (line, rope, flaxen cord, thread) from the Proto-Germanic līną (flax, linen), from the primitive Indo-European līno (flax).  Influenced in Middle English by the Middle French ligne (line), from Latin linea, it was cognate with the Scots line (line), the North Frisian liin (line), the West Frisian line (line), the Dutch lijn (rope, cord), the German Leine (line, rope), the Danish line (rope, cord), the Swedish lina (line, rope, wire) and the Icelandic lína (line). It was related also to Dutch lijn (flax), the German Lein (flax, linen), the Gothic lein (linen, cloth), the Latin linea (linen, thread, string, line) & linum (flax, thread, linen, cable), the Ancient Greek λίνον (línon) (flax, linen, thread, garment), the Old Church Slavonic линъ (linŭ) (flax), the Russian лён (ljon) (flax), the Lithuanian linai (flax) and the Irish līn (lion) (flax).  The oldest sense of the word is "rope, cord, thread"; from this the senses "path" & "continuous mark" were derived.  Mainline is a noun in the sense of railways and a verb (used without object) if injecting drugs; those doing the latter known, inter alia, as "mainers" or "mainliners", the mainlined not infrequently ending up on a pathologist's autopsy table.  Mainline is a noun, verb & adjective, mainliner is a noun and mainlinging & mainlined are verbs; the noun plural is mainlines.

Basic motoring: 1952 Ford Mainline Business Coupe (with after-market whitewall tyres & sun visor, neither of which were standard equipment).

Ford in the US produced the Mainline between 1952-1956.  It was the base-model of its three tier offering (Ford at that time in the US producing a single range of passenger cars), the more highly specified models being the Customline and premium-level Crestline.  The name was dropped for 1957 when the layers in the range was expanded to four (Custom, Custom 300, Fairlane & Fairlane 500) although this had nothing to do with the association of “mainline” with injecting drug users; while that connection had existed since 1933, not until the 1960s did it in that sense come into general use.  In the US, the Mainline was offered as a sedan with two (informally dubbed "Tudor") or four doors (Fordor), a business coupe (the two-door sedan with no rear seat, a configuration aimed at the “business traveller” who travelled alone and valued additional storage space) and (between 1952-1954) a two-door a station wagon (called Ranch Wagon); convertibles were restricted to the more expensive lines.  A classic “stripper” (ie “stripped” of much trim and non-essential accessories so able to be sold at a lower price), as a consumer level product the Mainline was rather obscure, often mentioned only in the small print in catalogues and brochures and rarely afforded the honor of a photograph.  That was because, in an era of rising prosperity, it really wasn’t photogenic, the exterior lacking much of the chrome adorning the Customline & Crestline (although Studebaker would would later go further down the austerity path with its “Scotsman” models) while the interiors drably were utilitarian, rubber matting on the floor rather than carpet.  One quirk of production-line meant the Mainline did retain the extravagance of a chrome hood emblem, the cost of a separate run of hoods without the screw-holes higher than that of the emblem and the minute or so of labor required for the fitment.  Mercedes-Benz later (and belatedly) discovered similar math when some chrome trim was omitted from the tail-fins on the lower cost versions of its Heckflosse range (1959-1968), the labor required to hand-finish the metal a more expensive process than fitting the part and its fitting.  The Mainline's equipment levels were similarly spartan, only the driver's side fitted with a sun visor while passengers were denied armrests and unless paying extra to the dealer, no cigarette lighter was included, a painted metal plug (ancestor of the later “switch blanks) covering the hole in the dashboard.  An ashtray was however included and, in a sign of the times, the cigarette lighter was a popular option.

1956 Ford Mainline "Coupé Utility" (Australia).

Australia was a smaller market and neither the three trim options nor all the body styles were offered, sales between 1952-1959 restricted to the four-door Customline (some station wagons were imported in fully-built form) and a locally developed “coupé utility”, created by adding a rear section in the style of a light pickup truck.  A feature of the Australian market since the 1930s, in the Australian way, the six syllable “coupé utility” quickly was shortened to “ute”, remaining a profitable market sector until motor vehicle production in the country ceased in 2017.  The coupé utility used the Mainline name and was built on the station wagon chassis with the addition of the convertible’s X-member to permit a higher load carrying capacity, a further quirk being the Australian Fords continued until 1954 to use the old flathead V8 (introduced in 1932 not in the US used in passenger cars after 1953), the new overhead valve (OHV) Y-Block V8 not introduced until 1955.  The Mainline remained in the Australian line-up until 1959 when the Fairlane replaced the Customline but Ford didn’t develop a coupé utility version of the new car, the body style instead offered on the compact platform (standard-size in Australian terms) when the Falcon (1960-2016) entered local production.  The Australian ute proved influential across the Pacific, Ford in the US offering several generations of Ranchero (1957-1979), the success of which encouraged Chevrolet to adopt the same concept, an El Camino model sold between 1959-1960 and 1964-1987.

Basic military motoring: 1952 Ford Mainline, the teddy bear in sailor suit an alusion to this car once being USN (US Navy) staff car 07-141953.

GM (General Motors) and Chrysler of course also had “stripper” models in their ranges the cheapest and most basic being those offered respectively by Chevrolet and Plymouth but the concept was in every case became corporation-wide although to speak of the cheapest Cadillacs as “strippers” was misleading and it’s better to refer to them as “selectively de-frilled” (something distinct from the more general “de-contenting ” strategy GM would begin in the late 1960s).  For sociological reasons, the “cheapest Cadillac” once had real appeal because in the US it was for decades the ultimate “aspirational brand” appealing very much to those who really couldn’t afford one; the extent of Cadillac purchasing by the “lower middle class” was once of the markers of the “American dream” although caution did need to be exercised: tick to many of the option boxes for a “stripper” Cadillac Calais and the invoice price began to overlap with that of the even more aspirational DeVille.  While the Mainline may not much have been seen in the brochures, in local newspaper advertising, frequently one would appear, usually with its temptingly low price in large bold type (often with an exclamation mark).  That price typically was between 15-20% less than what buyers typically paid for a Customline or Crestline (a “new Ford” in the public imagination) but the advertising copy in the newspaper tended not to dwell on details and in the pre-internet age, the sight of $1,389! was enough to entice buyers to visit the showroom.  Of course, once there they would discover a Mainline business coupe wasn’t all that appealing and the salesman would agree, showing them the better value offered by a two-door Customline sedan at $1,570.  Dealerships really didn’t want to see too many Mainlines because the profit margins were slim compared to the more expensive Fords although the most skilled salesmen (they were then all men) could “add a little fat” by “up-selling” the odd accessory (mudflaps, whitewall tyres, the cigarette lighter etc).

Stripper at speed: 1956 NASCAR (National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing) Ford Mainline, Southern 500, Darlington Raceway, South Carolina, USA.

Darlington was known for the infamous “Darlington stripe”, left on the right side of the cars because the angle of the track made it challenging for drivers to maintain a competitive speed without sometimes “kissing the wall” at turns three & four.  The drivers called the concept “fender prints” (an allusion to the various shades of paint the circulating cars left on an oval’s wall) but Darlington was especially honoured with the notorious “Darlington stripe” because, over the course of a race, multiple “scrapes” were inevitable.  The start-finish line on the unusual egg-shaped track was in 1997 moved so the critical section now starts at turn one and although the guard rails are now less hazardous, the Darlington stripe remains something of a NASCAR rite of passage. 

The sales tactic must have worked because relatively few private buyers chose Mainlines, despite a saving of $180-odd being in 1952 a compelling argument (the method of calculation vary but US$180 expressed in 2026 purchasing power would be over US$2,000).  That was however just side-business for the Mainline.  The real reason the industry built strippers was for fleet sales to corporations and government instrumentalities such as the military, police forces, fire departments and such.  While a saving of $180 might be enough to persuade a few frugal customers to forgo carpets and armrests, for purchasing managers buying by the dozen (or even the thousand), the lower unit-cost multiplied into a lot of money and of course, at those volumes, further discounts were applied.  The other minor career of the stripper came on race tracks or drag strips, buyers for that purpose wanting the cheapest, lightest platform; for them armrests and cigarette lighters were just pointless excess weight and, wherever possible, they undertook further “striping”, discarding anything not absolutely essential.  For them, the Mainline was a good starting-point.

Map of southern England's Great Western Main Line. 

Main Line had since 1841 been used generally to mean "principal line of a railway" and the Main Line was once Philadelphia's most desired suburban district.  Once just another rural hamlet, in the 1870s & 1880s it was transformed by the Pennsylvania Railroad Company that built expensive housing developments and hotels, hence the association of "Main Line" with the meaning "affluent area of residence", noted by 1917 and eventually used in that sense without capital letters and as the unhyphenated "mainline".  Essentially creating a fashionable suburb, the Railroad's urban development project linked Philadelphia to Paoli along the Paoli Local train-line via the station stops Overbrook, Merion, Narberth, Wynnewood, Ardmore, Haverford & Bryn Mawr.  Eventually, the Main Line connected Philadelphia with Pittsburgh via Harrisburg but was later split into two lines, Amtrak's Philadelphia to Harrisburg Main Line and the Norfolk Southern Railway's Pittsburgh Line.

A depiction of Lindsay Lohan's "mainlines" (digitally altered image, left), an illustrative diagram of an urban light-rail system showing the mainlines (thick lines) and branch lines (thin lines) (centre) and a human's entire blood circulatory system, created from a corpse donated (by the subject) for the purpose (right).  The technique used (right) is called “vascular corrosion casting”, achieved by replacing the blood in arteries, veins & capillaries with a specially mixed resin; after the resin has set and cured, all other tissue is dissolved in a highly alkaline chemical (typically sodium hydroxide).  To ensure the resin remains, it needs to be of a specific viscosity, with a chemical composition a-reactive to both natural tissue and the chemical used in the dissolution process.

The original slang among drug users, dating from 1933, was "mainline" the noun, referring the principal or prominent vein into which a drug was most effective if injected.  The verb in the sense of "inject (drugs) intravenously" was noted the following year although the associated verb "mainlining" didn't enter regular use until the mid-1960s and the unfortunate companion verb "mainlined" (dead from a drug overdose) soon followed, referred to in that sense by Mimi Fariña (1945–2001) in the song In the Quiet Morning (1970), recorded by Joan Baez (b 1941) after the messy, drug-related death of singer Janis Joplin (1943–1970).  Joplin's death, although technically caused by an impact injury, happened under the influence of heroin.  Counterintuitively, despite injecting drug-use being so obviously associated with veins and arteries, it seems it was the imagery of main and secondary railway lines rather than the human vascular system (also called the circulatory system) that prompted the simile of mainline in drug-related slang.  It was probably because of the general familiarity with the word being used to describe train tracks and the often-seen graphical representation of them at stations and in carriages.  Even in medicine, mainline appears hardly used by physicians when speaking of arteries, veins or capillaries, specific anatomical names (femoral artery, jugular vein etc preferred), the term apparently not useful within the profession because of the need for precision when discussing such things although it may be handy for pathologists who work mostly "in retrospect".  However, there are citations where physicians and neurologists have adopted a similar metaphor (based perhaps on the "rabbit warrens" that are hospitals) to  explain the process of the brain using the “back passages” to restore blood-flow to areas affected by a stroke which has blocked the “main passage”, again drawing on the idea of primary and secondary lines.

In the Quiet Morning (1970) by Mimi Farina © Universal Music Publishing Group, recorded by Joan Baez.  

In the quiet morning, there was much despair

And in the hours that followed, no one could repair

That poor girl, tossed by the tides of misfortune

Barely here to tell her tale, rolled in on a sea of disaster

Rolled out on a mainline rail

 

She once walked tight at my side, I'm sure she walked by you

Her striding steps could not deny, torment from a child who knew

 

That in the quiet morning, there would be despair

And in the hours that followed, no one could repair

That poor girl, she cried out her song so loud

It was heard the whole world round, a symphony of violence

The great southwest unbound

 

La la la la la la la

La la la la la la la

La la la la la la la la la

La la la la, la la la

 

In the quiet morning, there was much despair

And in the hours that followed, no one could repair

That poor girl, tossed by the tides of misfortune

Barely here to tell her tale, rolled in on a sea of disaster

Rolled out on a mainline rail

 

La la la la la la la

La la la la la la la

La la la la la la la la la

La la la la, la la la