Ass & Arse

Arse (pronounced ahrs)

(1) One of many slang terms for the human buttocks (in much of the English-speaking world except the US).

(2) By extension, one of many slang terms applied to the rear or back-end of anything, animal, vegetable or mineral (in much of the English-speaking world except the US).

(3) In Australian slang, effrontery; cheek.

(4) In slang, a stupid, pompous, arrogant, mean or despicable etc person, a use sometimes enlivened as “arsehole” (in much of the English-speaking world except the US).

(5) A person; the self; (reflexively) oneself or one's person, chiefly their body and by extension, one's personal safety, or figuratively one's job, prospects etc (in much of the English-speaking world except the US).

(6) In biochemistry, as ARSE, the abbreviation of arylsulfatase E (an enzyme, deficiencies in which are associated with abnormalities in cartilage and bone development).

Pre 1000: From the Middle English ars, eres & ers, from the Old English ærs & ears, from the Proto-West Germanic ars, from the Proto-Germanic arsaz and cognate with the Old Frisian ers, the Dutch aars, the Old Norse, Middle Low German, Old Saxon & Old High German ars (from which modern German gained Arsch), the Greek órrhos (rump (from orso-, used frequently in compounds)), the Armenian or̄kh and the Hittite arras.  All of the nouns derive ultimately probably from the primitive Indo-European h₃érsos- (backside, buttocks, tail), the source also of the Ancient Greek ourá & orros (tail, rump, base of the spine), the Hittite arrash and the Old Irish err (tail).  In the hierarchy of vulgarity, arse had an interesting history, beginning as something purely descriptive but, because of the association with the buttocks and their functions (with all that that implies), the word soon became a vulgar form, avoided in polite conversation.  That restraint lingered well into the twentieth century but even though things are now more relaxed, a careless use of arse in the wrong time and place, in the wrong company, can still cause offence.  The Latin arse was the vocative masculine singular of arsus, the perfect passive participle of ārdeō which was used with a variety of senses (1) to burn (to be consumed by fire), (2) Of eyes which glow or sparkle, (3) in poetic use, to glisten with a feature, usually with a colour, (4) figuratively, “to burn, be strongly affected with an emotion, (5), figuratively, “to be eager” & (6) figuratively, ardently or fervently to be in love, to burn with lustful or romantic desire.  Arse is a noun & verb; arsing is a verb and arsed is a verb & adjective; the noun plural is arses.

One should avoid losing one's ticket.

There can have been few words as productive as arse in the construction of slang and idiomatic forms, some of which survived while some died out.  To “hang the arse” (slow, reluctant; tardy) was from the 1630s while the more graphic (and in some cases presumably literal) “arse-winning” referred to income gained from prostitution "money obtained by prostitution" was in Middle English in the late fourteenth century.  The familiar “arse over tit” (to fall down; to fall over) is actually an alternative form of the original “arse over tip” which was first recorded in 1884 although it had probably long been in oral use.  Arseward was a synonym of backward in the fourteenth century while the mysterious arsy-versy (backside foremost) dates from the 1530s and was probably a reduplication of arse, perhaps with suggestions of “going backwards; in reverse”.  Arsehole can of course be literal (referencing the anus) and the late fourteenth century was spelled arce-hoole, an inheritance from the Old English in which the Latin anus was glossed with earsðerl (literally "arse-thrill" with the noun thrill used in its original sense of "hole".  Asshole (a stupid, pompous, arrogant, mean or despicable etc person) is also a frequently used term of abuse.  One long-serving Australian foreign minister, early in his undistinguished term was overheard referring to poor nations as “BACs” (busted arse countries) and while he never apologized, did sit smirking in parliament while the prime-minister assured the house he’d been assured it wouldn’t happen again (presumably the leak rather than the comment).  A smart-arse (a person thought flippant or insolent, usually with a tendency to make snide remarks) should not be confused with an arse-smart (also ars-smart), the herb Persicaria hydropiper (formerly Polygonum hydropiper), named in the early fourteenth century, the construct being arse + smart (in the sense of “pain”).  The herb was also at the time once culrage and since the late eighteenth century has been known as smartweed.  Arse smart was a direct translation of the Old French cul rage, the construct being the Old French cul + rage which some sources suggest is from the Latin rabies (from rabiō (to rage)) but evidence is lacking and the French word may have been a folk etymology.

In German "My ass!" is spelled "Mein Arsch!".

The list of arse-based phrases (some of which began in the US as “ass” slang) is long and perhaps impossible wholly to compile but some of the other more frequently used forms are (1) arseage or pure arse (good and usually undeserved luck), (2) arse licker (sycophancy, also expressed as suck arse or kiss arse), sometime used in conjunction with (3) arse-kicker (stern superior) in the phrase (4) “kisses up, kicks down” which refers to those obsequious towards superior and officious to subordinates, (5) light up someone’s arse (provide encouragement in a strident or violent manner) which Dr Joseph Goebbels (1897-1975; Nazi propaganda minister 1933-1945) used in typically imaginative manner, telling his staff just after the failure of the July 1944 plot to assassinate Adolf Hitler (1889-1945; German head of government 1933-1945 & head of state 1934-1945), “It takes a bomb under his arse to make Hitler see reason”, (6) arse about (and arse around) which can mean either “the wrong way around” or “behaving frivolously, wasting time”, (7) half-arsed (something done badly or improperly), (8) fat arse (someone overweight), (9) dumb arse (someone considered not intelligent or an act thought most unwise), (10) cover one's arse (to take such action as one considers necessary to avoid later blame or censure (this one definitely borrowed from the US)), (11) to break one’s arse (working hard), (12) arse in a sling (an unfortunate state in one’s personal affairs, especially if the consequence of one’s own mistakes or ill-considered actions), (13) pain in the arse (someone or something troublesome or really annoying (pain in the neck the polite alternative)), (14) kick in the arse (a form of encouragement, a punishment or combination of the two), (15) bet your arse (an expression of certainty), (16) pulled it out of one’s arse (an admission of luck), the companion phrase being (17) can’t just pull it out of one’s arse (introducing a sense of reality to a conversation), (18) stick it up (your) arse (declining an offer, invitation or suggestion) and (19) can't be arsed (can’t be bothered).

Gratuitous objectification of the callipygian: One dozen pictures of Lindsay Lohan’s ass.

Ass (pronounced ass or ahrs)

(1) Ass is a noun and the adjectival form is ass-like (assesque a bit clumsy); the noun plural is asses.  adjective: asinine

(2) Either of two perissodactyl mammals of the horse family (Equidae), Equus asinus (African wild ass) or E. hemionus (Asiatic wild ass).  They are long-eared, slow, placid, sure-footed and easily domesticated, thus long used as a beast of burden.

(3) An alternative spelling of arse (buttocks or anus) and the standard form in the US and much of Canada.

(4) A stupid, foolish, absurdly pompous or stubborn person (although when seeking to suggest stubborn, “mule” was historically the more usual form).

(5) Someone with whom sexual intercourse is desired, contemplated or achieved and in those contexts can be used also to express admiration (nice piece of ass).

Pre-1000:  From the Middle English asse, from the Old English assa, probably a pet name or diminutive form based on a Celtic form such as the Old Irish asan or the Old Welsh asen, from the Latin asinus and akin to the Greek ónos (the donkey-like ass), from a non-Indo-European language of Asia Minor, possibly the Sumerian anše (ass).  The use as an alternative spelling of arse dates from the 1860s in the US and may be related to the increase in the mixing of linguistic traditions during the Civil War.

Arse thus is the British slang word referring to (1) the human or animal posterior, or (2) a stupid person.  Ass is the American equivalent and is used also as the name of the beast of burden so like “check”, in US English there is potential for confusion whereas in British & Commonwealth use, the ass/arse & cheque/check distinction avoids this although, given the differences in definition, ass is less prone than check.  Some style guides and the more helpful dictionaries caution that ass in the US is less acceptable that arse has become in the commonwealth and when speaking of the beast, donkey or mule is often used, even when zoologically dubious.  Still, the word is useful and on Reddit there’s the subreddit AITA ("Am I the asshole), which is the clearing house for enquiries where those involved in disputes can seek views on whether they are in the wrong.

Dick Assman (Assman the Gasman), Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada, 1995.

Dick Assman (1934-2016) was a Canadian gas (petrol) station employee who gained his fifteen minutes (actually several months) of fame by virtue of his name which came to the attention of US talk-show host David Letterman (b 1947).  Seeing the comedic potential, Letterman in mid-1995 added a nightly segment called Assman the Gasman which lasted a few weeks but it generated for Mr Assman so much name-recognition, that it led to opportunities such as judging beauty contests.  The names Assman & Assmann are of fourteenth century German origin and are thought variations of Erasmus from the Ancient Greek erasmos (loved).  It was originally a personal name which evolved into a surname as the conventions of family names evolved in the post-feudal period.  Mr Assman enjoyed the celebrity ride but did note the name is correctly pronounced oss-man.

Bismarck class Schlachtschiff (battleship) KMS Tirpitz. 

Vice Admiral Kurt Assmann (1883-1962) had a career at sea before between in 1933 appointed head of the historical section of the German Navy (Kriegsmarine which would later become Oberkommando der Marine (OKL; the naval high command)).  The books he published in the post-war years are a valuable source of facts and a helpful chronology but much of his analysis about political and naval strategy was criticized on both sides of the Iron Curtain.  His nephew was naval Captain Heinz Assmann (1904—1954) who for a time served on the Bismarck-class battleship KMS Tirpitz and was later attached to Oberkommando der Wehrmacht (OKW; the armed forces high command).  His notable contribution to history was being in the conference room on 20 July 1944 when the bomb intended to kill Hitler exploded.  After recovering from his injuries, he returned to his duties at OKW and was attached to the Flensburg staff of Grand Admiral Karl Dönitz (1891–1980; head of the German Navy 1943-1945, German head of state 1945) when the latter was named in Hitler’s political testament as his successor as head of state, his time in office lasting three weeks.  Captain Assmann subsequently was interviewed by allied investigators who were seeking fully to understand the chain of events of on the day of the July plot.  Between 1953-1954, he served as a member of the Hamburg Parliament.

The ass in thought crime

Thou shalt not covet is one of the biblical Ten Commandments (or Decalogue), regarded by most scholars as moral imperatives.  Both Exodus and Deuteronomy describe the commandments as having been spoken by God, inscribed on two stone tablets by the finger of God, and, after Moses shattered the originals, rewritten by God on others.

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s house. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife, or his male or female servant, his ass, or anything that belongs to thy neighbor.

Thy neighbor's ass (pronounced ass).

It differs from the other nine in that while they’re concerned with the actions of sinners, the prohibition on being a coveter is about a sinner's thoughts and thus, an early description of thoughtcrime (a word coined by George Orwell (1903-1950) for his dystopian 1949 novel Nineteen Eighty-Four).  Indeed Matthew (5:21-21, 27-28) anticipates Orwell in saying that it’s not enough merely to obey the commandment “thou shalt not commit adultery” because “…anyone who looks upon a woman with lust has already committed adultery in his heart”.  Jimmy Carter (1924-2024; US President 1977-1981) quoted this in his Playboy interview, a statement of presidential probity neither shared nor always adhered to by all his successors and predecessors.  In that context, it should be remembered there's an (unwritten) eleventh commandment: "Thou shall not get caught".

Narthex

Narthex (pronounced nahr-theks)

(1) In church architecture, a portico (enclosed passage) at the west end of a basilica or church, usually at right angles to the nave and located between the main entrance and the nave.

(2) In botany, a taxonomic genus within the family Apiaceae (umbelliferous plants), now included in Ferula, Narthex asafoetida and thus obsolete.

1665-1675: From the Medieval Latin narthex, from the Medieval Greek narthex (enclosed porch, enclosure (the earlier meaning was “box”), from the Ancient Greek νάρθηξ (narthēx) (giant fennel, scourge (and later “casket” (the Modern Greek νάρθηκας (nárthikas)), and, on the basis of the suffix, probably a pre-Greek word.  The connection between the giant fennel plant and boxes is that the fibre from the stems of the plant was used to make boxes.  In Greek, the word was linked also to νάρδος (nárdos) (nard plant, spikenard, nardin, muskroot).  The Modern Greek νάρθηκας (narthekas) long ago relinquished the early senses and now means either the feature in church architecture or the brace of a sprained wrist or sling of a broken arm.  The plant was well known in Greek mythology.  In the Θεογονία (circa 730–700 BC) (Theogonía (the genealogy or birth of the gods)), known in the West as The Theogony, an epic poem of a thousand-odd lines by the (8^th-7^th century BC) poet Hesod, it was in hollow fennel stalks that Prometheus conveyed fire from Heaven to Earth.  In Armenia the name for a narthex is gavit.  The adjectival form was narthecal and the plural either narthexes or narthices, the English form preferable for most purposes.

Narthexs were part of many early Christian and Byzantine basilicas and churches, located traditionally to the west of the nave and functioned (1) as a lobby area and (2) as the place where penitents were required to remain.  Although the archaeological record suggests there may have been some early churches with annexes or even small separate structures located nearby which fulfilled the latter function, narthexes seem quickly to have been integrated.  That means that structurally and architecturally, a narthex was part of the building but theologically was not, its purpose being to permit those not entitled to admission as part of the congregation (mostly catechumens and penitents) nevertheless to hear the service and (hopefully) be encouraged to pursue communion.

For ceremonies other than services, the narthex was otherwise a functional space, the church’s baptismal font often mounted there and in some traditions (both Eastern & Western) worshipers would sometimes anoint themselves and their children with a daub of holy water before stepping foot in the nave and some branches of the Orthodox Church use the narthex for funeral ceremonies.  There were also architectural variations in the early churches which persisted in larger building and cathedrals, the narthex divided in two, (1) an esonarthex (inner narthex) between the west wall and the body of the church proper, separated from the nave and aisles by a wall, trellis or some other means and (2) an external closed space, the exonarthex (outer narthex), a court in front of the church façade with a perimeter defined by on all sides by colonnades.

In the Western Church, reforms removed the requirement to exclude from services those who were not full members of the congregation which of course meant the narthex was rendered technically redundant.  However, the shape churches had assumed with a narthex included had become part of the tradition of the Church so architects continued to include the space, both as part of the nave structure and something semi-separated.  They attracted a number of names, borrowed mostly from secular buildings including vestibule, porch, foyer, hallway, antechamber, anteroom, entrance, entry, entryway, gateway, hall, lobby, portal & portico, the choice dictated sometimes by local tradition, sometimes by the nature of construction and sometimes, it seems to have been entirely arbitrary.  In the Eastern Orthodox Church, the esonarthex and exonarthex retained distinct liturgical functions, some rituals terminating in the exonarthex while services still exclusively penitential services are usually chanted in the esonarthex.  In dialectal northern English, the casual term for the penitents forced to remain in the narthex was “the narts”.

The NART Ferrari spiders

1966 Ferrari 275 GTS

Although Ferrari produced the 275 GTB (berlinetta (coupé)) (1964-1968) and 275 GTS (spider (roadster)) (1964-1966) in unison with substantially the same mechanical specification, the two had completely different coachwork, sharing not one external panel.  Styled by Pininfarina, the 275 GTS, elegant and well-proportioned, recalled the earlier 250 Cabriolets and buyers appreciated the sophistication of the improved specification but Luigi Chinetti (1901-1994), Ferrari's North American distributer, remembering the sensuous lines of the 250 California Spider (1957-1960), asked the factory for a run of spiders (roadsters) based on the 275 GTB.

1960 Ferrari 250 California Spider

Ferrari commissioned its traditional coachbuilder, Carrozzeria Scaglietti, to produce the series and in 1967, the first tranche of ten of a planned twenty-five was completed and delivered to the United States.  The spiders were based on the newly-released 275 GTB/4 which included a number of refinements to the original series, most notably the twin-cam heads, the factory rating the 3.3 Litre (201 cubic inch) V12 at 300 horsepower, a lift of 20 over the earlier single-cam engines.  Because Chinetti’s competition department was called the North American Racing Team (NART), the ten roadsters have always been referred to as the “NART Spiders” and although the factory never adopted the designation, Chinetti added to the tail of each a small cloisonné badge with the team's logo.  Interestingly, the factory also continued to list the cars as 275 GTB/4s, even though the usual naming convention would have been to designate them as 275 GTS/4s, a hint perhaps from Ferrari that it really wasn’t their idea.

1967 Ferrari 275 GTB/4

The addition of the badge, an unusual addition to anything from Scaglietti workshops, was not unreasonable given the spiders were very much a co-production, Chinetti receiving technical assistance and the precious benefit of official status from the factory but it was made clear that financial responsibility for the project lay exclusively with the US operation which would be required to pay for each prior to delivery.  On that basis things proceeded but, modified from production 275 GTB/4’s with (then typically Italian) labour-intensive coach-building techniques, the spiders were expensive and sales were slow, American buyers more seduced by Ferrari's new and more luxuriously trimmed and cheaper 330 GTS; even then air-conditioning was a persuasive inducement and the more spartan NARTs languished for some months in Chinetti’s showroom waiting for someone with a longing for the ways things used to be done.  As a consequence, it was only that first run of ten which was built but they’ve since become highly prized by collectors, NART #10709 in August 2013 selling at auction for US$27.5 million (including commission) at RM Sotheby's in Monterey, California.

1969 Ferrari 275 GTB/4 NART Spider

Daytona 24 Hours, 1967: First-Ferrari 330 P3/4 (#23; Chris Amon & Lorenzo Bandini), Second-Ferrari 330 P4 (#24; Mike Parkes & Ludovico Scarfiotti and Third-Ferrari 412 P (#26; Pedro Rodriguez & Jean Guichet.

However, despite the modest demand for the NART spiders, Ferrari must have been convinced the concept was viable with full factory backing and when, in 1968, the 275 GTB/4 was replaced with the 365 GTB/4 (1968-1973), a companion spider was listed as an official model, again built by Carrozzeria Scaglietti.  This model came to be known as the Daytona in recognition of Ferrari’s 1-2-3 finish in the 1967 24 Hours of Daytona even though the cars which contested the race were different models, the connection being some photographs from the race which were used in promotional material when the 365 GTB/4 was released.  It was the first new model since the 1-2-3 finish and the name stuck, an attachment about which Ferrari seemed never much enthused although views seem to have softened over the years and "Daytona" appears now even on the corporate website.  The V12 was now 4.4 litres (268 cubic inches) and generating some 340-355 horsepower (depending on market) although the figure on which many fixated was the claimed top speed of 174 mph (280 km/h), the need to out-pace the mark of 171 mph (275 km/h) set by the Lamborghini Miura P400 in 1966 said to be one of the design objectives.  Quite a few verified Ferrari’s claim; few attempted it in the somewhat trickier to handle Miura although contemporary reports confirmed the factory's number.  The Ferrari might actually have gone faster, given enough road.  Luigi Chinetti (1901–1994), who drove the competition version of the Daytona in the 1971 Le Mans 24 hour classic (the last year before the 3.7 mile (6 km) Mulsanne straight was spoiled by the chicanes the FIA imposed) reported than on Mulsanne it never actually stopped accelerating.  Remarkably, the Daytona finished fifth, even winning the mysterious Index of Thermal Efficiency.  Whatever it was, Ferrari must have been content with the thing's terminal velocity but Lamborghini wanted bragging rights and the more powerful Miura P400 S debuted in 1969 with a claim of 180 mph (290 km/h) which Autosport magazine in 1970 almost matched, clocking 288.6 km/h (179.3 mph).  That turned out to be the decade's high-water mark, the succeeding P400 SV more powerful still but a little slower because the aerodynamics were slightly compromised by the need to add a little width to accommodate some needed improvements and the use of fatter tyres which absorbed a surprising amount of energy.  It would be many years before a production car went faster than the P400 S.    

1972 Ferrari 365 GTB/4 (Daytona)

What was however learned from 275 NART experience was that the customers had become sybarites who wanted cars which looked like the austere roadsters of old but fitted with the accruements of modernity, air conditioning, power steering and electric windows.  On that basis the Daytona entered production and in what was by then a much more competitive market, the approach was vindicated, the Daytona close to doubling the sales of its predecessor, including 122 spiders.  Intriguingly, within a few years of the end of Daytona production ending, the realization hit that there wouldn’t again be something like the 365 GTS/4, the days of the big, front-engined V12s thought over and even if one returned, the feeling in the 1970s was that government regulations would be there would be no more roadsters and interest in Daytona spiders began to spike.  With only 122 produced, the math of the supply-demand curve was predictable and prices of spiders soared above the berlinetta, the factory having made more than ten times as many of them.

1971 Ferrari 365 GTS/4 (Daytona)

Thus stimulated was the roofectomy business which had long been part of the coach-building trade but few conversions were potentially as lucrative as a Daytona.  Done properly, the results could be satisfactory but, beyond the roof, there were a number of differences between the two and not all were done properly.  However it’s done, a genuine Scaglietti spider is going to be worth some multiple of a conversion in similar condition, which may now attract little premium over a berlinetta, originality now more of a fetish than it was in the 1970s and 1980s.  In 2013, the New York Times reported Ferrari, unhappy about what they regarded as fakes being traded, were going to try to pressure the high-end auction houses not to host such sales but the industry persists and there are a number of replica 275 NARTs although, not all were based on a twin-cam original, industry sources suggesting a premium above a berlinetta of 20% at most.  Other popular candidates for conversion include the Mercedes-Benz 280 SE 3.5 Coupés (1968-1971; on which an exact conversion is also very challenging), Maserati Ghiblis (1967-1973) and the early Jaguar E-Types, technically a simpler job especially in years gone by when suitable cars were both cheaper and more numerous.

1976 Ferrari 365 GTB/4 NART by Michelotti 

In a footnote to the Daytona’s history, either not discouraged by his experience with the 275 NART or impressed by the prices the ten were commanding, Luigi Chinetti commissioned the construction of five 365 GTB/4 Daytona NART Spiders, the design turned over to Giovanni Michelotti (1921–1980).  In the spirit of 1950s minimalism, Michelotti’s first design, shown at the 1974 Turin Motor Show featured cut-down doors and a removable targa top but the second, built for the 1975 24 Hours of Le Mans, was more a conventional race-car, its lines attuned to aerodynamic enhancement although it never made the event because of a dispute with the notoriously difficult stewards.  Still interested in the concept however, in 1976 Chinetti ordered three more NART Daytonas from Michelotti, configured this time as road-cars with air conditioning and electric windows, the target market the US.  Unlike the 275 NARTs, the three NART Daytonas really were used cars, production of the originals having ceased in 1973.  One of them has been a fixture on the show and auction scene for a while, Michelotti using it as a display piece and it spent two years as an exhibit at the Le Mans Museum before bouncing around the premium auction circuit where it’s exchanged between collectors at increasingly higher prices.  The wedge shape certainly marks the design as a product of the age but so did the detailing: instead of a delicate cloisonné on the tail, NART was printed in big, bold, upper-case letters.

Swiftie

Swiftie (pronounced swiftee)

(1) In slang (originally Australian) a trick, ruse, or deception (often in the form “(s)he pulled a swiftie”).

(2) A self-identifying term used by the most devoted (some suggest "obsessed") fans of the musician Taylor Swift (b 1989).  The collective is “Swifties” (the initial capital not always used) and as fandom they distinguish themselves from mere casual listeners although the media tends to apply the term to all.  In 2017, Taylor Swift trade-marked the term Swiftie for commercial use and The Oxford English Dictionary elevated it from “slang” to “word” in 2022; it was a finalist in Oxford’s 2023 Word of the Year judging.

(3) As "Singapore Swiftie", an emerging alternative form for term "exclusivity clause", most associated with contract law.

1945: (for the Australian slang) and (at least) 2010 (of Taylor Swift’s fans):  The construct was swift + -ie.  The word swift existed in the Middle English as an adjective & adverb prior to 900 and was an adjective in the Old English.  It was akin to the Old English swīfan (to revolve) and the Old Norse svīfa (to rove) and was most common as an adjective (moving or capable of moving with great speed or velocity; fleet; rapid; coming, happening, or performed quickly or without delay; quick or prompt to act or respond).  The Old English swift was from the Proto-Germanic swiftaz (swift; quick), from the primitive Indo-European sweyp & weyp- (to twist; wind around) and cognate with the Icelandic svipta (to pull quickly) and the Old English swīfan (to revolve, sweep, wend, intervene).  While the derived forms (swiftly, swiftness et al) are well-known and most have survived, one which went extinct was the thirteenth century swiftship “the ability to run fast”.  In the Australian way, the slang “swiftie” (also often as “swifty”) was also re-purposed as a nickname for someone “slow” (both mentally & physically).  The suffix -ie was a variant spelling of -ee, -ey & -y and was used to form diminutive or affectionate forms of nouns or names.  It was used also (sometimes in a derogatory sense to form colloquial nouns signifying the person associated with the suffixed noun or verb (eg bike: bikie, surf: surfie, hood: hoodie etc).  Swiftie is a noun; the noun plural is swifties.

The surname Swift was of English origin and is thought to have been literally a reference to someone who was “swift” (a fast runner).  There are entries in parish records in Suffolk dating from 1222 recording the birth of “Nicholas, ye sonne of Swyfte” and Swift evolved as a name often given to a messenger or courier (the faster a carrier, the faster the transmission of the message, a concept which has survived into the internet age.  In the household books of the court of Edward III (1312–1377; King of England 1327-1377), a Ralph Swyft was recorded as his courier.  The name became common in England and in later centuries spread throughout the English-speaking world.

As SWIFT, it’s the acronym for the Society for Worldwide Interbank Financial Telecommunication, an international consortium that routes instructions concerning transfer of funds between financial institutions.  Except in the business of money transfers, it was an obscure organization until Mr Putin’s (Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin; b 1952; president or prime minister of Russia since 1999) special military operation against Ukraine when the significance of SWIFT in the commodities markets (where fossil-fuel rich Russia is a big player) became widely understood after the imposition of trade and other economic sanctions.

In the purple: Dr Taylor Swift in academic gown after being conferred an honorary doctorate in fine arts from New York University, May 2022.

The noun swift was applied to name any of numerous long-winged, swallow-like birds of the family Apodidae, related to the hummingbirds and noted for their rapid flight.  Swift was used also of several types of moth, butterfly & lizard noted for their rapid movements and in engineering was used of the adjustable device on the processing apparatus upon which a hank of yarn is placed in order to wind off skeins or balls or the main cylinder on a machine for carding flax.  In the plural, the word was used of the faster-flowing current of a stream or reaches of a river and “swifts” in that sense remains in literary and poetic use although it’s otherwise obsolete.  Historically, the adjective Swiftian meant “of or pertaining to the Anglo-Irish satirist and essayist Jonathan Swift (1667–1745) or his works” (the best known of which were A Tale of a Tub (1704) & Gulliver's Travels (1726) but of late it has in academia been used also of Taylor Swift.  Universities are businesses which operate to make a profit and even Harvard now runs Taylor Swift courses which focus on her musical and lyrical style.  Jonathan Swift in 1713 became Dean of St Patrick's Cathedral, Dublin, thus his later common sobriquet: “Dean Swift”.  It’s thought unlikely Talyor Swift will follow her namesake into ecclesiastical administration.

Operation Hummingbird (1934): Crushing the "Röhm Putsch"

Adolf Hitler looking at Ernst Röhm, 1934.  Suspecting Röhm would at some time "pull a swiftie" on him, Hitler was persuaded to "pull a swiftie" first.  Giver the swiftness at which things were executed, the operation's "hummingbird" tag was well-deserved. 

Nacht der langen Messer (Night of the Long Knives), also called Unternehmen Kolbri (Operation Hummingbird) was a purge executed in Nazi Germany between 30 June-2 July 1934, when the regime carried out a number of extrajudicial executions, ostensibly to crush what was referred to as "the Röhm Putsch".  Targets of the purge were those in the Nazi (National-Socialist) movement labelled as identifying with the need to continue the revolution so it would be as much socialist as it was nationalist.  Ironically, at the time, there was no putsch planned although Ernst Röhm (1887–1934; chief of the Sturmabteilung (the stormtroopers (the SA)), head of the four-million strong SA had certainly in the past hinted at one.  A brutal act of mass-murder (the first of many to follow), the Night of the Long Knives was executed with remarkable swiftness and the most generous interpretation is it can be thought a "preventive" rather than a "pre-emptive strike".  Elsewhere in Europe, the events were noted with some alarm although most statesman of the Western democracies came quickly to conclude (in the Westphalian way) it was an "internal German matter" and it was best politely not publicly again to speak of it.  Among Germans, the lesson about the nature of the Nazi state was well-learned.  

The Singapore Swiftie

The lawyers in the Singapore government have a famously acute commercial sense and wouldn’t have needed the back of an envelope, let also a spreadsheet, to work out that if an exclusivity clause could be agreed with Taylor Swift, guaranteeing her six concerts in the city-state would be her only performances in the region, the economic benefits in terms of inward capital flows would be considerable.  For Taylor Swift’s operation too there would have been advantages, not the least of which would have been Singapore’s high level of security and world-class infrastructure but the cost off-sets would also have been considerable including a reduction in travel expenses and the logistical impositions of touring (the set-up and tear-down of the venues is a major operation with a high labor component).  The amount the government paid for the exclusivity clause wasn’t disclosed but presumably both parties were satisfied with the transaction.  Such is Ms Swift’s cultural power that it seems not even Greta Thunberg (b 2003) was prepared to risk incurring the wrath & indignation of the Swifties by commenting on the addition carbon generated by so many of them flying to see their idol.

Exclusivity clauses are common in commercial contracts and are used variously for purposes such as (1) guarding software, products or services from unwanted distribution, (2) granting exclusive rights to certain parties and forbidding the transfer of those permissions to others, (3) obliging certain parties to purchase products or services exclusively from one’s company rather than a competitor.  So, there’s nothing novel about exclusivity clauses and in most jurisdictions, usually they’re enforceable unless they offend against some over-arching restriction such as “unconscionable conduct” or a violation of competition rules.  As a general principle, the guidelines for an exclusivity clause to be held valid are (1) voluntariness (ie entered into without coercion), (2) certainty of terms (ie no ambiguity), (3) a beginning and an end (although the clauses can, with the agreement of both parties, be extended indefinitely, the clause should be limited in time and renewal & termination protocols must be clear), (4) product & service standards and payment terms must be clear (including variation protocols) and (5) the consequences of any breach must be explicit and detail specific remedies such as monetary compensation.

There are reasons other than the music to become a Swiftie:  The statuesque Taylor Swift in a Sachin & Babi patchwork dress at Capital FM’s Jingle Bell Ball, London, December 2014.  The eye was drawn by the intricate detailing and although some missed her trademark red lipstick, the garment's array of variegated reds meant that would have been too much, the same admirable restraint dictating the choice of black shoes.  Solid colors tend to dominate the red carpet so this piece was a rare splash of genuine adventurism.

Reaction to the deal (soon labeled the “Singapore swiftie”, the formation presumably influenced also by the equally alliterative "Singapore Sling") in the region was swift.  Authorities in Hong Kong & Thailand were immediately critical and one Philippine politician told local media Singapore was operating by “the law of the jungle” and not the law of a “neighborhood of countries bound by supposed principles of solidarity and consensus”, a not so subtle reminder that in the neighborhood diplomatic relations have in recent decades been usually smooth, the members of Asean (Association of Southeast Asian Nations), the regional economic and security bloc, famously operating on the basis of “consensus”, a reasonably achievement in an organization of which Myanmar (sometimes still referred to as Burma) is a member.

A Singapore Swiftie: Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong.

However, even while the waves from west & north were disturbing Asean’s usually calm waters, Lee Hsien Loong (b 1952; Prime Minister of Singapore since 2004) was addressing the matter of the Singapore Swiftie in a press conference conducted as part of an Asean summit held, unusually, in Melbourne: “A deal was reached.  And so it has turned out to be a very successful arrangement.  I don't see that as being unfriendly” Mr Lee said, confirming an “incentive” had been paid to secure the deal.  That matter had already attracted interest but the Singapore Tourism Board declined to comment on the amount paid, saying the terms were “commercial in confidence” and Taylor Swift's concert promoter was just as reticent.  The math however will have been done by many and not only does the Singapore economy gain from all the visitors arriving to rent hotel rooms, buy food and catch trains but the city state benefits also from its citizens not leaving the territory, taking their money to neighboring countries to spend there.  Thus, Singapore’s gain is the loss of others and while the numbers in the estimates of the benefit gained bounce around a bit, all were in the hundreds of millions of US dollars.

Pulling a swiftie on X (when it was known as Twitter)?

Lindsay Lohan’s tweet to Taylor Swift on 14 December 2020 contained no message but it nevertheless garnered some 8K retweets, 53K Likes and over 1000 responses.  Neither sender nor recipient have ever commented but Twitter's deconstructionists pondered this postmodern message and concluded: "Lindsay Lohan is a Swiftie."

Plenty of touring acts will have noted all of this and while few have anything like the drawing power of Dr Swift, doubtless most will have suggested promoters add the Singapore Swiftie to their negotiating toolbox, the hope being that in playing countries & cities off against each other, a bidding war will ensue; certainly, for decades, the approach has worked well for operators like the IOC (International Olympic Committee), FIFA (Fédération internationale de football association) and Formula One.  Hopefully there’s also a linguistic legacy and in the jargon of law and commerce, the dull & boring “exclusivity clause” will be replaced by the exciting and attractively alliterative “Singapore Swiftie”.

Hypocrite & Pharisee

Hypocrite (pronounced hip-uh-krit)

(1) A person who pretends to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles etc., that they do not actually possess, especially a person whose actions belie stated beliefs.

(2) A person who feigns some desirable or publicly approved attitude, especially one whose private life, opinions, or statements belie his or her public statements.

1175–1225: from the Middle English ypocrite & ipocrite (false pretender to virtue or religion), from the Old French ypocrite (the Modern is French hypocrite), from the Ecclesiastical Latin hypocrita, from the Ancient Greek ὑποκριτής (hupokritḗs) (a stage actor, one who plays a part), from ὑποκρίνομαι (hupokrínomai) (I answer, act, feign, the construct being from hupo(krinein) (to feign (from krinein (to judge) + -tēs (the agent suffix).  Hypocrite is a noun (and long ago an adjective), hypocritical an adjective and hypocritically an adverb

Hypocrite came to English from the Ancient Greek hypokrites, which translates as “an actor”, the word a compound noun, the construct being two Greek words that literally translate as “an interpreter from underneath.”  That sense may sound strange but is actually literal, the actors in ancient Greek theater wearing large masks to indicate the part being played, thus they interpreted the story from underneath their masks.  This meaning endured from Antiquity, the Greek word later taking on an extended meaning to refer to someone said figuratively to be masked and thus pretending to be someone or something they were not.  This sense was taken-up in medieval French and subsequently English, where initially it used the earlier spelling ypocrite and in thirteenth century was used to refer to someone who pretends to be morally good or pious in order to deceive others.  Hypocrite gained its initial h- by the sixteenth century and it wasn’t until the early 1700s that it assumed in general use the now familiar modern meaning “a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings”, some five-hundred years after those striding English stages were so-described.

The adjective hypocritical (of, pertaining to, or proceeding from hypocrisy) dates from the 1540s (as implied in hypocritically) and prevailed over hypocritish (1520s) & hypocritic (1530s).  It was adjectivally innovative because from the thirteenth century, Middle English used the simple hypocrite as the adjective as well as the noun.  In Scottish, the late fifteenth century Lowrie (the characteristic name of the fox) was also used in the dual sense of "crafty person; hypocrite”.  Hypocrite is so precise and well-understood that synonyms really aren’t required to convey any intent of meaning but for literary purposes there’s also bigot, charlatan, crook, impostor, phony, trickster, actor, backslider, bluffer, casuist, cheat, deceiver, decoy, dissembler, dissimulator, fake, four-flusher, fraud, humbug, informer, pretender & pharisee.  That such an impressively long list exists is a commentary on the human condition.  The noun dissembler is probably closest; a dissembler is “one who conceals his opinions, character etc, under a false appearance, one who pretends that a thing which is not".  Attested since the 1520s, it’s the agent noun from dissemble.

Pharisee (pronounced far-uh-see)

(1) A member of a Jewish sect that flourished between the second century BC and first century AD (during the Second Temple Era (536 BC-70 AD) which differed from the Sadducees principally in its strict observance of religious ceremonies and practices, adherence to oral laws and traditions (as interpreted rabbinically), belief in an afterlife and the coming of a Messiah (always with initial capital).  The movement was ultimately the basis for most contemporary forms of Judaism.

(2) Of or pertaining to the Pharisees.

(3) A sanctimonious, self-righteous, or hypocritical person (usually and correctly with initial lower-case).

(4) In figurative (and usually derogatory or offensive) use, a person who values the letter of the law over its spirit or intention; a person who values form over content.

Pre 900: From the Middle English Pharise & Farise, from the Old English Fariseos & Farīsēus, from the thirteenth century Old French pharise, from the Church Latin Pharisaeus (a variant of Pharīsaeus), from the Ancient Greek Φαρισαῖος (Pharisaîos), a transliteration of the Aramaic פְּרִישַׁיָּא‎ (pərîšayyâ’), emphatic plural of פְּרִישׁ‎ (pərîš) (separatist (literally “separated”)) and related to the Hebrew פרוש‎ (parush), qal passive participle of the verb פָּרַשׁ‎ (pāraš) (one who is separated for a life of purity), from parash (the Aramaic (Semitic) pərīshayyā was the plural of what is usually rendered as perīsh & pərīshā (literally “separated”)).  The extended meaning "any self-righteous person, formalist, hypocrite, scrupulous or ostentatious observer of the outward forms of religion without regard to its inward spirit" dates from the 1580s.  There’s no agreement between scholars about whether "Pharisee", derived words meaning “separated; set apart" refers to a physical separation from impure gentiles or a doctrinal separation from less religiously rigorous Jews and there’s even a suggestion they were regarded as "separatists" in the modern political sense.  The derived terms pharisaic, pharisaical, pharisaically, pharisaicalness, pharisaism & phariseeism (used according to context with and without an initial capital) are rarely used except in biblical scholarship or especially learned (and usually critical) legal texts.

The ancient Jewish sect which flourished between the second century BC and first century AD was distinguished the strict observance by its members of laws of behavior & ritual but were so extreme in their adherence that others came to regard them as pretentious and self-righteously sanctimonious and one of those others, recorded in the Gospel of Matthew was Jesus Christ himself:

Then spake Jesus to the multitude, and to his disciples,

(23) Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye pay tithe of mint and anise and cummin, and have omitted the weightier matters of the law, judgment, mercy, and faith: these ought ye to have done, and not to leave the other undone.

(24) Ye blind guides, which strain at a gnat, and swallow a camel.

(25) Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye make clean the outside of the cup and of the platter, but within they are full of extortion and excess.

(27) Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye are like unto whited sepulchres, which indeed appear beautiful outward, but are within full of dead men's bones, and of all uncleanness.

(28) Even so ye also outwardly appear righteous unto men, but within ye are full of hypocrisy and iniquity.

Matthew 23 (King James Version (KJV 1611))

The recently revealed text messages sent by Australia’s deputy prime minister Barnaby Joyce (b 1967; thrice deputy prime-minister 2016-) included a character assessment of Prime Minister Scott Morrison (b 1968; Prime Minister of Australia 2018-) as “…a hypocrite and a liar from my observations and that is over a long time,” adding “I have never trusted him, and I dislike how earnestly [he] rearranges the truth to a lie.”  That was good but more amusing still was Mr Joyce’s “unreserved” apology to which he added the reservations that (1) it was a long time ago (10 months) and he was younger then, (2) he didn’t really know him at the time the message was sent (they’ve served together in cabinet for most of the last decade), (3) his opinion since he got to know him better has softened and he now thinks he’s a fine chap “of high integrity and honesty” and (4), he was in a bad mood when sending the message.

Given the ferocity of the critique, one might have thought Mr Morrison may have been consumed by hatred and vengeful thoughts but, perhaps feeling constrained by Luke 6:37…:

Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven. (King James Version (KJV 1611))

… issued a statement saying he’d forgiven Mr Joyce his trespasses, a gesture which either demonstrates some generosity of spirit or hints at his increasingly perilous political position.

Grace Tame looking at Scott Morrison, The Lodge, Canberra, annual pre-Invasion Day (aka Australia Day) festivities, 25 January 2021 and, arm in sling, after “a bike stack”.

Mr Joyce however may still nervously be looking over his shoulder.  A few days after Grace Tame (b 1994; activist for survivors of sexual assault & 2021 Australian of the Year), not best pleased with some aspects of Mr Morrison’s commitment to helping victims of sexual assault, spoiled one of his prized photo-opportunities by fixing him with a frosty stare rather than the expected asinine smile, she was involved in an accident, tumbling from her bike, breaking a collarbone and sustaining the odd graze.  There is no suggestion either Mr Morrison or the Liberal Party’s squad of dirty tricks operatives were involved in what Ms Tame described as a “bike stack” but Mr Joyce, noting no doubt that Mr Morrison said only “forgive” and not “forget”, may be impressed by the coincidence.  In fairness, the Liberal Party operatives would have had good reason to organize a hit on Ms Tame because in tweets on X (formerly known as Twitter), she'd not been uncritical of the system she claims the party represents and maintains.  She commented the survival of abuse culture “is dependent on submissive smiles, self-defeating surrenders and hypocrisy” and “What I did wasn’t an act of martyrdom in the gender culture war...”, adding “It’s true that many women are sick of being told to smile, often by men, for the benefit of men. But it’s not just women who are conditioned to smile and conform to the visibly rotting status-quo. It’s all of us.”

Meet & greet: Anthony Albanese (b 1963; prime-minister of Australia since 2022) looking at Grace Tame, The Lodge (the prime-minister’s official Canberra residence), January 2025.

As photo opportunities go however, it could though have been worse for Mr Morrison.  In January 2025 Ms Tame appeared at the prime minister’s morning tea (held in conjunction with certain Australia Day (26 January, now AKA “Invasion Day” among the woke) wearing a “Fuck Murdoch” T-shirt, a sentiment about press baron Rupert Murdoch (b 1931) held by not a few though not often so vividly displayed.  Protocol demanded prime-minister Anthony Albanese welcome Ms Tame and dutifully he shook hands, perhaps reflecting on earlier times when the security detail would never have permitted someone wearing such a garment to enter the grounds, let alone get through the front door.  He seemed however, at least “amused” though whether this implied “approval” was up for grabs; presumably inferences will be drawn based on one’s world view.

As a conversation-starter however, Ms Tame’s T-shirt had the desired effect, journalists quickly arranging interviews to allow her to explain, just in case the subtlety meant the meaning eluded some.  It was “…clearly not just about Murdoch…” she informed the press pack, adding “It’s the obscene greed, inhumanity and disconnection that he symbolises, which are destroying our planet.  For far too long this world and its resources have been undemocratically controlled by a small number of morbidly wealthy oligarchs.  If we want to dismantle this corrupt system, if we want legitimate climate action, equity, truth, justice, democracy, peace, land back, etc, then resisting forces like Murdoch is a good starting point.”  Answering a question which was about politics rather than fashion, she confirmed she “never” had reservations about donning the T-shirt for the event because “Speaking truth to power starts at the grassroots level with simple, effective messages. It’s one of my favourite shirts.”  Not unexpectedly the T-shirt received about as much coverage in the Murdoch press as the mogul’s many divorces.

Reaching out while keeping one's distance: Grace Tame looking at another prime minister, Canberra, January 2025.

Whether the result of the machine men in Mr Albanese’s ALP (Australian Labor Party) weighing up the pros and cons of things or because he’d received a rap on the knuckles from one or more of Mr Murdoch’s many loyal employees and followers, within a couple of days it had been decided what Mr Albanese should think and accordingly his office issued a statement: “I clearly disagree.  I want debate to be respectful … and that’s a choice that she made. People are allowed to express themselves, but I thought it was disrespectful of the event and of the people who that event was primarily for.”  Ms Tame was unrepentant, saying “It’s a great shirt and says it all, doesn’t it?  If we want to dismantle the concentration of morbid wealth that undemocratically rules the world, and really makes the major political decisions that affect the everyday person; if we want climate action and if we want justice, if we want truth, I think it’s probably a good place to start.  If you want to get a few birds with one giant, ugly stone, this is it.”  Clearly, among the woke, one now “gets” rather than “kills” birds and for those so minded the T-shirt is available (Aus$55.00) in four colors (also as a crop top or sweatshirt) though the size range stops at XL (those needing 4XL & 5XL deemed too fat to care about the planet and probably pick-up owners who contribute disproportionately to climate change, such "deplorables" doubtlessly MAGA supporters who watch FoxNews).

Bike stacks are not rare: In 2014 Lindsay Lohan posted on Instagram: “A citibike gone wrong #notsoquiche !!!!”, documenting bruises and scrapes on her legs after a “bike stack” (on her 28^th birthday) involving a New York City “Citi Bike” (a now privately owned public bicycle sharing system).  The photograph was taken in Soho, the following day.

Even if a coincidence Ms Tame’s bike stack was not an unusual event.  Although an admirable means of transportation (a bicycle is one of the most efficient means of getting from A to B in urban environments), there is a death and injury toll associated with the machines.  In 2021, 38 cyclists were killed in road-related incidents in Australia, a slight increase from the previous year in which there were 35 fatalities and the riders typically account for some 3% of all road deaths nationally.  Quite how many are injured each year isn’t known because many minor injuries are treated only with first-aid and those dealt with by GP (general practitioners or family doctors) don’t appear in aggregate statistics but data from hospital admissions record over 12,000 cyclists who were in 2021 treated for non-fatal injuries related to cycling accidents.  The most common injuries included fractures, head injuries and soft-tissue damage while a significant proportion of fatalities involved collisions with motor vehicles, especially on urban roads.

As Mr Joyce ponders coincidences, he might pause to reflect on the attitude of Jesus to hypocrisy, discussed in the Gospel of John.  The Pharisees, in an attempt to discredit Jesus, brought before him a woman they accused of adultery, reminding the crime was under Mosaic law punishable by stoning.

(3) And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst,

(4) They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act.

(5) Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou?

(6) This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not.

(7) So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.

(9) And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst.

(10) When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee?

(11) She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.

John 8 (King James Version (KJV 1611)

Given the enthusiasm Mr Joyce showed for defending the sanctity of the marriage vow during the debate about same-sex marriage before deserting his wife to co-habit with a former employee with whom he’d been conducting an adulterous affair, it may be time for him to read the bible rather than just thumping one.

Gladys Berejiklian looking at Scott Morrison.

What made the latest in Mr Joyce’s long line of gaffs funnier still was the release a few days earlier of text messages between former New South Wales premier Gladys Berejiklian (b 1970; Premier of NSW 2017-2021) and an un-named member of Mr Morrison’s cabinet in which Ms Berejiklian branded the prime minister a “horrible, horrible person” who was "untrustworthy" and “more concerned with politics than people”.  The minister proved responsive to the then premier’s analysis, describing his leader as “a fraud”, “a complete psycho” and “desperate and jealous.”  Perhaps a victim of Sinodinos syndrome, when asked, Ms Berejiklian said she couldn't recall of the exchange.

Spirit of forgiveness: Three hairdressers watch the prime-minister as he washes and conditions his deputy’s hair (digitally altered image).

As soon as this scurrilous texting was revealed, Mr Joyce affected outrage that anyone would do such a thing, condemning the anonymous minister and demanding they reveal their identity.  “I would suggest that if you know anything about this don’t wait to be outed”, Mr Joyce told the media.  He also had practical advice, adding “…and give an explanation.  Maybe it was a bad day in the office, I don’t know. That’s a better way to do it. It getting out is one good rump steak, with horseradish sauce, vegetables and chips, two bottles of red wine, and some journo is going to say ‘You know who told me that? Blah blah blah.’ And she’s out.”  That may yet prove sound advice.  Most revealing perhaps was (1) the admission by the journalist who provided the leak that the ministerial author had on two prior occasions over the last year refused to authorize a public release of the text, dropping the embargo only to permit a release on 1 February 2022 and (2) the journalist writes for the Murdoch press.  Politicians’ motives for doing things always attract interest (when being told of the Belgium ambassador’s death, the French diplomat Talleyrand (Charles-Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord, 1754–1838) mused “I wonder what his motive was?”) and there’s been much speculation, most of it pondering which minister would gain most to gain from the messages entering the public domain.

Anxious to help, former NSW premier Bob Carr (b 1947; Premier of NSW 1995-2005, foreign minister 2012-2013 (@bobjcarr)), tweeted:

The minister who shared the text with van Onselen and gave permission to use it was Peter Dutton. If PM Morrison has one more week in free fall the prospect of a leadership change pre-election is real.  Party rules don’t count if most MPs think you will lead them to defeat.

Mr Dutton (b 1970; member of cabinet since 2013) responded by tweeting “Bob Carr’s tweet is baseless, untrue and should be deleted” but Mr Carr declined, instead adding “Only one way Peter Dutton can win his case: get another colleague to admit that they were the source for comments about the Prime Minister.  If not you, Mr Dutton, which of your colleagues? Until then who has most to gain from undermining further a flailing PM?”

In happier times: Liberal-National Party billboard for the 2016 election campaign.

Given Ms Berejiklian and Mr Dutton sat in different parliaments, hailed from different states and belonged to different factions, it does seem strange he might be the suspect texter but few things in politics unite like a mutual loathing.  Mr Carr offered no evidence for his claim and seemed unconcerned the notably litigious Mr Dutton might issue a writ.  The former foreign minister said that, like a journalist, he wouldn’t be revealing his sources but did indicate the tip came from the usual "normally reliable source" and was not supposition based on Mr Dutton having “a bit of previous”.  Mr Dutton's texting history included sending one calling a journalist a "mad fucking witch".  Unfortunately he sent the text to the target of his remarks but fortunately she worked for the Murdoch press and thus had to cop it sweet which the witch did with some aplomb, even complimenting Mr Dutton for having been a minister who had made a great contribution to government which was one way of putting things.  The message was especially interesting because there's an extensively documented library of the links between Freemasonry and witchcraft and, despite many opportunities, Mr Dutton has never denied being a Freemason.  The conspiracy theory which underpins Mr Carr's tweet is the notion that in 2018 Mr Morrison tricked Mr Dutton into triggering the defenestration of Malcolm Turnbull (b 1954; prime-minister of Australia 2015-2018) and then double-crossed him, securing the numbers and The Lodge for himself.  Not quite Fortinbras in Hamlet but an anyway successful venture.  

Peter Dutton looking at Scott Morrison.

Amidst the Sturm und Drang which has raged since the text messages emerged, what’s not been discussed is the desirability of characteristics such as hypocrisy, having more interest in politics than people and being an actual psychopath in a prime-minister.  Being a hypocrite in its original meaning in Ancient Greek (an actor; one playing a part) is so obvious a helpful attribute for a political leader that Ronald Reagan (1911-2004 US President 1981-1989) was probably genuinely surprised at the journalistic naiveté when, during the 1980 presidential election campaign, he was asked if was possible for an actor to be good president.  His rely was “How is it possible for a good president not to be an actor?” and his point was well made and Harold Macmillan (1894-1986, UK prime-minister 1957-1963) was habitually referred to as an “actor-manager”.  Being, in its modern sense, a hypocrite, liar and psychopath might sound less promising qualifications for political leadership and for idealists something truly appalling and it may be these qualities are more valuable in attaining office than exercising successfully its power although there’s always the extraordinary example of Comrade Stalin (1878-1853; leader of the USSR 1924-1953) to illustrate just what a serious psychopath can achieve.

Another fun aspect of these text messages is that the conflict is internecine.  Politicians being mean to those on the other side is so common it barely rates as news unless there’s some particularly egregious accusation, preferably involving a goat or some other abomination but when it’s within the same party, it’s especially amusing because that’s where the real hatreds lie.  That’s why Gordon Brown (b 1951; UK prime-minister 2007-2010) being was labeled “a psychopath” by Tony Blair (b 1953; UK prime-minister 1997-2007) was funny; had he said it of the leader of the opposition it’s doubtful anyone would have noticed.  Mr Joyce’s contribution to the genre was really quite good as was that of Mr Dutton (or whomever the culprit may be) but that of Ms Berejiklian lacked punch; she needs to sharpen the hatchet.