Fumblerule

Fumblerule (pronounced fumm-bull-roule)

A rule of language or linguistic style, written in a way that violates the rule; technically a form of self-reference which relies on the inherent contradiction for the humor.

1979: A portmanteau word, the construct being fumble + rule.  In the context of fumblerule, “fumble” is used in the sense of “a blunder; awkwardly to seek”.  The mid-fifteenth century fumble (the obsolete English famble & fimble had much the same meaning) was from the Late Middle English, possibly from either the Low German fommeln or the Dutch fommelen, the alternative etymology being a Scandinavian or North Germanic source and there’s likely some relationship with the Old Norse fálma (to fumble, grope), the Swedish fumla, the Danish fumle and the German fummeln.  The history is certainly murky and the ultimate source could even be onomatopoeia (imitative of sounds associated with someone fumbling (bumble or stumble) or from the primitive Indo-European pal- (to shake, swing) from which Classical Latin gained palpo (I pat, touch softly) or (entirely speculatively) the Proto-West Germanic fōlijan (to feel).  The intransitive sense "do or seek awkwardly" was from the 1530s and the noun dates from the 1640s.

In the context of fumblerule, “rule” is used in the sense of “a regulation, law or guideline”.  The noun in the sense of “measure; measurement” dates from circa 1175, the verb first noted circa 1200 from the Middle English riwlen, reulen & rewellen from the Old French riuler, rieuler & ruler from the Late Latin rēgulāre (derivative of rēgula).  The sense of "principle or maxim governing conduct, formula to which conduct must be conformed" is from the Old French riule & the Norman reule (rule, custom, (religious) order) which, in Modern French, has been partially re-Latinized as règle.  The meaning "regulation governing play of a game” is from 1690s. The notion of a rule of law (supremacy of impartial and well-defined laws to any individual's power), as a phrase, emerged surprisingly recently, dating only from 1883.  The sense "to control, guide, direct" came from the Old French riuler (impose rule) from the Latin regulare (to control by rule, direct) from the Latin regula (rule, straight piece of wood) from the primitive Indo-European root reg- (move in a straight line) with derivatives meaning "to direct in a straight line," thus "to lead, rule."  The legal sense "establish by decision" is recorded from the early fifteenth century.

Fumblerule was coined by right-wing US commentator Bill Safire (1929-2009) in a November 1979 edition of his column On Language in the New York Times.  Safire extended this in the later book Fumblerules: A Lighthearted Guide to Grammar and Good Usage (1990) (ISBN 0-440-21010-0), which, in 2005, was re-printed as How Not to Write: The Essential Misrules of Grammar.  Physicist George L Trigg (1925-2014) also published a list of these rules.

Bill Safire (right) on Air Force Two with Spiro Agnew, November 1972 (US presidential election campaign).

Safire was also a White House speech writer for Richard Nixon (1913–1994; US president 1969-1974 & Spiro Agnew (1918–1996; US vice president 1969-1973).  Impressionistically, it would seem right-wingers tend to outnumber the left in the authorship of texts lamenting the decline in standards of English writing and it is one of the theatres of the culture wars.  In English, although there are the plenty of pedants and not a few of the infamous grammar Nazis still obsessing over stuff like a split infinitive, it’s not the sort of language which needs pointless “rules” to be enforced, many of which were never rules in the first place.  English spelling and grammar evolves usually according to a practical imperative: the transmission of meaning in an economical, precise and elegant way.  Criticism from the (notional) left is more political than linguistic: their objections to “correct” English is essentially that it’s just another way of maintaining white privilege and that all dialects within English are of equal cultural value and none should be regarded as “incorrect” or spoken by the “uneducated”.

Some of Bill Safire’s fumblerules

Avoid run-on sentences they are hard to read.

Don't use no double negatives.

Use the semicolon properly, always use it where it is appropriate; and never where it isn't.

Reserve the apostrophe for it's proper use and omit it when its not needed.

Do not put statements in the negative form.

Verbs has to agree with their subjects.

No sentence fragments.

Remember to never split an infinitive.

Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

Avoid commas, that are not necessary.

If you reread your work, you will find on rereading that a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.

A writer must not shift your point of view.

Eschew dialect, irregardless.

And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.

Don't overuse exclamation marks!!!

Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.

Writers should always hyphenate between syllables and avoid un-necessary hyph-ens.

Write all adverbial forms correct.

Don't use contractions in formal writing.

Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.

It is incumbent on us to avoid archaisms.

If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.

Steer clear of incorrect forms of verbs that have snuck in the language.

Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixed metaphors.

Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.

Never, ever use repetitive redundancies.

Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.

If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, resist hyperbole.

Also, avoid awkward or affected alliteration.

Don't string too many prepositional phrases together unless you are walking through the valley of the shadow of death.

Always pick on the correct idiom.

"Avoid overuse of 'quotation "marks."'"

The adverb always follows the verb.

Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; seek viable alternatives.