Bureau

Bureau (pronounced byoor-oh)

(1) A chest of drawers, sometime with a mirror atop.

(2) A division of a government department or an independent administrative unit.

(3) An office for collecting or distributing news or information, coordinating work, or performing specified services; agency; typically a travel or news bureau.

(4) A desk or writing desk with pigeonholes, drawers etc, against which the writing surface can be closed when not in use, the best known form of which is the roll-top (historically chiefly British but now widely used in the international antiques trade).

1710-1720 (some sources claim instances from the 1690s): A borrowing from the French bureau, the earlier meaning of which was "coarse cloth (as desk cover), baize", from the Old French burel (woolen cloth), and a diminutive of bure (related were the Middle French bure (coarse woolen cloth) and the French bourre (hair, fluff)) from the Late Latin burra (wool, fluff, shaggy cloth, coarse fabric).  It was akin to the Ancient Greek βερβέριον (berbérion) (shabby garment) and a doublet of burel and borrel, taken from the Old French.  The Latin burra remains of unknown origin.  Bureau desks were once common office furniture of offices, rather the cubicles of their day and the meaning expanded by 1720 to "office or place where business is transacted" and by 1796 to "division of a government."  The meaning "chest of drawers for clothes etc" dates from 1770, said to be American English but was most associated with British use.  Bureau is a noun and the modern view is bureaus & bureaux (both pronounced byoor-ohz) are both accepted noun plural forms but the former seems preferred by most.

Lindsay Lohan's page at the All American Speaker's Bureau.

Squabbles on the Wilhelmstrasse; the German Foreign Ministry and the Ribbentrop Bureau

Most historical analysis of the Third Reich has understandably focused on the evil and the damage done but for structuralists, the nature of the bureaucratic state and those with is an interesting study.  Although assuming office in 1933, the Nazis didn’t immediately become the totalitarian regime familiar in later years because there were too many other power centres over which their control was either incomplete or non-existent.  For that reason, the party, while attempting to take control of the machinery of the state, within a numbers of sphere of activity, also sometimes maintained one or more party institutions in a competition for influence, something which reflected the Hitlerian world-view.  Sometimes these organizations would run in parallel, sometime in opposition.

Although the Nazi hierarchy was beset by internecine hatreds and jealousies, one of the few things on which most agreed was the stupidity, incompetence and unsuitability for his role of Joachim von Ribbentrop (1893–1946), foreign minister between 1938 and the end of the war.  Propaganda Minister Dr Joseph Goebbels (1897-1945), ever ready with a memorable phrase, noted in his diary that Ribbentrop “...bought his name, married his money and swindled his way into office.”  Historians don't dispute Ribbentrop's ineptitude but some are prepared to concede the blame should be shared and he should be thought "not competent" rather than "incompetent", a distinction which the more generous might be prepared to make of plenty of failed politicians.  In other words, a champagne salesman should no more have been appointed foreign minister that a sybaritic, bemedaled fighter ace should have been put in charge of the "four-year plan" (a sprawling apparatus which aimed to make Germany self-sufficient in essential raw materials (autarky), reduce unemployment through a public works programme, increase military production and reform the agricultural sector).  Hitler however, was an admirer (Ribbentrop's sycophancy a particular attraction) and in 1934 permitted him to create a party organization called the Büro Ribbentrop (later the Dienststelle Ribbentrop (Dienststelle best translated as office or department)) which, bizarrely, operated as a kind of alternative foreign ministry.

Illustration by Noel Sickles (1910–1982) in Life magazine, 28 October 1946, depicting the moments before von Ribbentrop was hanged, Palace of Justice, 16 October 1946.  The temporary gallows was erected in the prison gymnasium.

The Büro Ribbentrop also operated as a dirty-tricks outfit with some effort devoted to undermining the authority of the Foreign Ministry which, in a nice touch, operated from offices on Berlin’s Wilhelmstrasse, just over the road from the Buro.  The Buro and its back-channel communications served as Hitler’s personal tool for the implementation of his foreign policy (which can be summed up as "lies, lies and damned lies"), the traditional institutions and diplomatic protocols often side-lined although, Ribbentrop himself had to fend of intrusions from yet more party units with interests in international affairs.  Ribbentrop however prevailed and was appointed foreign minister in 1938, serving in the position until the end of hostilities; convicted of planning & waging aggressive war, war crimes and crimes against humanity, he was hanged in 1946.

Victorian (circa 1870) English cylinder roll-top writing bureau: mahogany with burr walnut fitted interior and a trio of leather skivers.

Perpetual

Perpetual (pronounced per-pech-oo-uhl)

(1) Continuing or enduring forever; lasting indefinitely; continuing or continued without intermission or interruption; ceaseless.

(2) In horticulture, blooming almost continuously throughout the season or the year; a perennial plant.

(3) As "perpetual motion machine", a hypothetical device which, which, once set in motion, will continue forever unless stopped by some external force.  Dating from the 1590s, however "constructed", it would violate either or both the first or second laws of thermodynamics and is thus a physical impossibility and now thought of as an engineer's version of alchemy.

1300–1350: From the late Middle English perpetual & perpetuall (everlasting, unceasing, existing indefinitely, continuing forever in future time), from the twelfth century Old French perpetual (without end; uninterrupted), from the Latin perpetuālis (universal ("permanent" in the Medieval Latin)), from perpetuus (continuous, universal), from perpetis, genitive of the Old Latin perpes (lasting; continual).  The construct of perpetu(us) was per (through), from the primitive Indo-European root per (forward (hence "through")) + pet (to fly, to rush), the root of petere (to seek; reach for; go towards; aim at) + -uus (the deverbal adjectival suffix (deverbal nouns are nouns derived from verbs or verb phrases, but that behave grammatically purely as nouns, not as verbs)).  The English forms were a direct borrowing from the Old French perpetual and the spellings perpetuall and perpetual co-existed in Middle English.  The synonyms include ceaseless, constant, perennial, unceasing, continuous, eternal, persistent, never-ending, incessant, unending, permanent, enduring, infinite, interminable, endless, recurring, continued, abiding, everlasting, immortal and uninterrupted.  The spelling perpetuall is obsolete.  Perpetual is a noun & adjective, perpetuality, perpetualness & perpetuity are nouns, perpetuate is a verb & adjective and perpetually is an adverb; the noun plural is perpetuals.

In the matter of Mary

Wall painting (unknown artist), circa 1870, in Saint Laurentius Church in Voorschoten, the Netherlands, painted to commemorate Pastor aeternus.  It depicts Saint Thomas Aquinas (1225-1274) holding his book Summa Theologica (1265-1274), Jesus Christ (with the Vatican in the background which was a nice touch) and Pope Pius IX (1792–1878; pope 1846-1878).

The Roman Catholic Church’s dogma of papal infallibility holds that a pope’s rulings on matters of faith and doctrine are infallibility correct and cannot be questioned.  When making such statements, a pope is said to be speaking ex cathedra (literally “from the chair”).  Although ex cathedra pronouncements had been issued since medieval times, as a point of canon law, the doctrine was codified first at the First Ecumenical Council of the Vatican (Vatican I; 1869–1870) in the document Pastor aeternus (shepherd forever).  Since Vatican I, the only ex cathedra decree has been Munificentissimus Deus (The most bountiful God), issued by Pius XII (1876–1958; pope 1939-1958) in 1950, in which was declared the dogma of the Assumption; that the Virgin Mary "having completed the course of her earthly life, was assumed body and soul into heavenly glory".  Pius XII never made explicit whether the assumption preceded or followed earthly death, a point no pope has since discussed although it does seem of some theological significance.

Prior to the solemn definition of 1870, there had been decrees issued ex cathedra.  In Ineffabilis Deus (Ineffable God (1854)), Pius IX defined the dogma of the Immaculate Conception of the Blessed Virgin Mary, an important point because of the theological necessity of Christ being born free of sin, a notion built upon by later theologians as the perpetual virginity of Mary.  It asserts that Mary "always a virgin, before, during and after the birth of Jesus Christ", explaining the biblical references to brothers of Jesus either as children of Joseph from a previous marriage, cousins of Jesus, or just folk closely associated with the Holy Family.

In general use, "perpetual" is used typically in the sense of something constant and unchanging although it's used often as a deliberate exaggeration; a term of emphasis.

Concierge

Concierge (pronounced kon-see-airzh or kawn-syerzh (French))

(1) A person who has charge of the entrance of a building and is sometimes the owner's representative; a doorkeeper.  Historically, the role is most associated with residential buildings in large French cities but the role is increasingly common in both residential and commercial buildings in many countries.

(2) A member of a hotel staff in charge of certain services for guests including (1) those provided for a fee by third parties including securing tickets for the theatre, tours or other entertainment, taxis, airport transfers etc and (2) internal hotel matters such as baggage handling, delivering and collecting laundry, providing directions etc.  Many do offer certain services such as hire-cars (and most famously prostitution) on the basis of secret commissions.

(3) An employee stationed in an apartment house lobby who screens visitors, controls operation of elevators, accepts deliveries to the tenants, etc.

(4) A custodian or warden of a prison (obsolete).

(5) As concierge medicine (also known as retainer medicine), pertaining to or being medical care for which the patient pays the doctor an annual fee, either for special or additional services or to guarantee priority attention when required.

(6) A synonym of conciergerie or concergius (obsolete).

(7) As shopping concierge, a part of the gig-economy which offers personal assistance in shopping in a particular area, additionally providing services (such as international shipping) which may not be offered by a retailer.  Shopping concierges charge usually either by time or a percentage of the transactions effected (or a combination of both) and it's assumed secret commissions are also paid by retailers.  In an informal sense, the idea has been extended to the finance sector where concierge is sometimes used as slang to describe brokers.

1640-1650: From the twelfth century French concierge (caretaker, doorkeeper of a hotel, apartment house, prison etc; porter of uncertain origin.   It may have been from the Old French cumserges, which may be from the Vulgar Latin conservius, from the Latin conservus (fellow slave), an assimilated form, the construct being con- (from com-) (with, together) + serviēns, present participle of servīre (to serve) and related both to servius (slave) and the modern “serve”.  The con- prefix was from the Middle English con-, from the Latin con-, from the preposition cum (with), from the Old Latin com, from the Proto-Italic kom, from the primitive Indo- European ḱóm (next to, at, with, along).  It was cognate with the Proto-Germanic ga- (co-), the Proto-Slavic sъ(n) (with) and the Proto-Germanic hansō.  It was used with certain words to add a notion similar to those conveyed by with, together, or joint or with certain words to intensify their meaning.  Servus was from the Proto-Italic serwos (guardian), from the primitive Indo-European serwos (guardian) which may be related to ser- (watch over, protect); it was cognate with servō and the Avestan haraiti (he heeds, protects).  In Latin, over the years, servus (genitive servī, feminine serva) could be used to mean servant, serf or slave.  The suggestion, attributed to nineteenth century French novelists, that concierge is a contraction of comte des cierges (a servant responsible for maintaining the lighting and cleanliness of medieval palaces (literally “count of candles”) is considered a figment of the literary imagination.  Like English, some languages (such as German and Portuguese adopted the French spelling while others produced variants including the Catalan conserge, the Russian консье́рж (konsʹjérž), the Serbo-Croatian консијерж (konsijerž) and the Spanish conserje.  Concierge is a noun; the noun plural is concierges.

In historic documents, concierge appears sometimes to be a synonym for a number of roles but many of these are historically (and sometimes geographically) specific including castle-keeper, lodge-keeper of a château and jailor (or keeper) in a prison.  Even in modern use, there’s some overlap in function and a caretaker, custodian or janitor will perform some of the roles associated with a concierge but not all.  The greatest degree of overlap occurs in city hotels, the larger having clear distinctions between the duties undertaken by commissioners (doormen), porters and a concierge proper but these demarcations blur or disappear in smaller operations.  Concierge can be a concept as well as an individual, some hotels having concierge departments but staffing them without using anyone with the exact title.  In the France of L'Ancien Régime, the title was once attached to a high royal official of the household.  When the spellings (the original Latinized forms) were concergius or concergerius, the role was that of the guardian of a house or castle and in the later middle ages it came to be used for the court official who acted as the custodian of a royal palace.  In Paris, circa 1360, as the Palais de la Cité ceased to be a royal residence and became the seat of the courts of justice, the Conciergerie was turned into a prison, an institution for which L'Ancien Régime sometimes had great need. As late as the year leading up to World War I (1914-1918), in Europe it was common for a hotel's concierge to be referred to as a a "Suisse", reflecting the frequency with which men from Switzerland filled the role.

The Secret Society of the Les Clefs d’Or

Escutcheon of the Secret Society of the Les Clefs d'Or.

The Secret Society of the Les Clefs d’Or is the international organization of hotel lobby concierges.  Now with chapters in many countries, it was registered originally in Paris in 1929 as the Union Internationale des Concierges d'Hôtels (UICH) and this identity was maintained formally until 1995 when, at the 42^nd International Congress held in Sydney, Australia, a resolution was passed changing the name to Union Internationale des Clefs d'Or (UICO).  The international membership now exceeds 4000.  Properly pronounced as lay-clay-door, the literal translation from French is keys of gold, reflected in their membership symbol, most frequently seen as the twinned lapel pins worn by members, something remarkably similar to the escutcheon of the Holy See and neither the Vatican nor the Les Clefs d’Or has ever denied that a relationship may exist.  To become a member of Les Clefs d’Or, one must be at least twenty-one years of age, of good moral character and active within their concierge community.  Additionally, they must be employed by hotels in the usual sense of the word (not corporate or residential buildings) and have been employed thus for a minimum of five years (two if that service has been under the supervision of a member).  Also, the desk at which they work must have a sign that includes the word “concierge.”  Approval of membership is subject to the provision of documents, sponsorship by two existing members and a formal interview process.

Promotional poster for Il portiere di notte (The Night Porter (1974)), directed by Liliana Cavani (b 1933).  Note the crossed keys of the Les Clefs d'Or on the lapel.

Novelists and film makers have often been fond of concierges, presumably because they can be used as a quasi-narrator or linkage device between protagonists, the dramatic and comedic potential frequently (though not always convincingly) explored.  The best film in this sub-genre remains the cult favourite The Night Porter (1974), set in the high cold war Vienna of 1957 and starring Dirk Bogarde (1921–1999) as former Nazi concentration camp officer and Charlotte Rampling (b 1946) who had been one of his youthful inmates and one upon whom he imposed a sadomasochistic relationship.  Although not without flaws in its editing, The Night Porter is memorably evocative of the era and is more highly regarded now than at the time of its release.  In 2018 it was one of the films included in the Venice Classics at the Venice International Film Festival.

Dirk Bogart in The Night Porter with the paired crossed keys of the Les Clefs d'Or on the lapels.

Most concierges aren’t sadomasochistic (as far as is known) but they can still be involved in bizarre stuff.  One former member of the secret society is Australian Elvis Soiza (concierge at 111 Eagle Street, Brisbane) who says he can procure anything (as long as it's legal).  No longer a member because the Les Clefs d’Or restricts its rolls to those working in hotels, he notes there’s remarkably little difference between what’s done in a corporate building and a luxury hotel, the concierge still the “human face to a property” and one there to “offer advice, sooth, inform, entertain and organise”.  He sums up such buildings as “a hotel without bedrooms” (although Elon Musk may have blurred things a bit).

Lindsay Lohan usurping the escutcheon of the Les Clefs d'Or (digitally altered image).

During his years in hotels, Mr Soiza received many interesting requests but the most remarkable came in London during the 1980s when a Middle Eastern sheik asked him to arrange a pink elephant as a birthday surprise for his wife.  Thinking he needed a large stuffed toy he began to peruse the Harrods’ catalogue, only to be told the sheik wanted a real elephant, painted pink.  It took some doing, requiring Mr Soiza to coordinate a local circus, the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (RSPCA), local government (it's not clear which one, the Greater London Council (GLC, 1965-1986) was in 1986 dissolved by the Thatcher government with its responsibilities assigned to existing borough councils), the Indian High Commission and the Metropolitan Police but, within twelve hours, he’d secured an elephant, had it painted pink, obtained the required permit and, with a police escort, had the beast led to the hotel in time for the birthday party.  Quite remarkable.

The original image (left), the photoshopped fake (centre) and an actual African pink elephant (a form of partial albinism).

Pink elephants are of course hard to find in London but they're rare anywhere.  On the internet, there have been claims the creatures can be found in parts of India, the color the result of the red soil in the environment, the creatures spraying dust on their hides to protect themselves from biting insects.  However, it turned out to be fake news, the supporting evidence created with Photoshop and wildlife experts that while elephants cover themselves in mud, this doesn’t change the colour of their skin.  It's true there is a rare genetic disorder (technically a form of albinism) which can result in the skin of young African elephants displaying a slight pink hue but it's nothing like the vivid hot pink in the Photoshopped fake news.

Bliss

Bliss (pronounced blis)

(1) Perfect happiness; supreme joy or contentment.

(2) In theology, the ecstatic joy of heaven.

(3) A cause of great joy or happiness (archaic).

(4) A name used for a wide variety of locational, commercial and artistic purposes.

Pre-1000: From the Middle English blys, blice, blisce, blise, blesse & blisse, from the Old English bliss (bliss, merriment, happiness, grace, favor), from a variant of earlier blīds, blīþs & blīths (joy, gladness), from the Proto-West Germanic blithsjo & blīþisi (joy, goodness, kindness), the construct being blīthe (blithe) + -s, source also of the Old Saxon blizza & blīdsea (bliss), the construct being blithiz (gentle, kind) + -tjo (the noun suffix).  The early use was concerned almost exclusively with earthly happiness but, because of the fondness scholars in the Medieval Church felt for the word, in later Old English it came increasingly to describe spiritual ecstasy, perfect felicity and (especially), the joy of heaven.  In that sense as a verb it remains in common use in evangelical churches (especially in the southern US) to suggest the “attaining and existing in a state of perfect felicity”.  The adjective blissful was from the late twelfth century blisfulle (glad, happy, joyous; full of the glory of heaven).  Synonyms in a general sense include euphoria, happiness & joy while in a theological context there’s paradise, beatitude, blessedness, elicity, gladness, heaven & rapture; there is no better antonym than misery.  Bliss & blissfulness are nouns, blissy, blissed & blissless are adjectives, blissful is a noun & adjective and blissfully is an adverb; the noun plural is blisses.

The unrelated verb bless was from the Middle English blessen, from the Old English bletsian & bledsian and the Northumbrian bloedsian (to consecrate by a religious rite, make holy, give thanks), from the Proto-Germanic blodison (hallow with blood, mark with blood), from blotham (blood) and originally it meant the sprinkling of blood on pagan altars.  The pagan origins didn’t deter the early English scribes who chose the word for Old English bibles, translating the Latin benedicere and the Greek eulogein, both of which have a ground sense of "to speak well of, to praise," but were used in Scripture to translate Hebrew brk (to bend (the knee), worship, praise, invoke blessings).  In late Old English, the meaning shifted towards "pronounce or make happy, prosperous, or fortunate" under the influence of the etymologically unrelated bliss, (the resemblance obviously a factor in this) and by the early fourteenth century it was being used in religious services to mean "invoke or pronounce God's blessing upon" and is unusual in that there are no cognates in other languages.

State of bliss.  Lindsay Lohan embraces her inner Zen, Phuket, Thailand, 2017.

In idiomatic use, a "bliss ninny" is (1) one unrealistically optimistic (a Pollyanna, which, in Marxist theory, can align with the concept of "false consciousness), (2) one who prefers to ignore or retreat from difficult situations rather dealing with the problem (sometimes expressed as a "state of blissful ignorance") or (3) a student of theology intoxicated with the spiritual aspects of the teachings, but ignorant of the underlying scholarship.  A "bliss out" is the experience of great pleasure, often analogous with a "love rush" and the state in which one can be said to be "blissed up".  In economics, a "bliss point" is quantity of consumption where any further increase would make the consumer less satisfied (as opposed to the law of diminishing returns where increases deliver pleasure in decreasing increments; a classic example is alcohol.  It's used also in cooking as the measure of certain critical ingredients (fat, salt, sugar etc) at which point palatability is optimized.  To follow one's bliss is a notion from pop-psychology and the new age which advocates using one's awareness of what causes one to experience rapture as a guide for determining what constitutes authentic and proper living.

Charles O'Rear's original 1996 photograph, licenced in 2000 by Microsoft which used it as the desktop wallpaper for the Windows XP operating system.  Much time was spent in Microsoft's compatibility labs working out what would be the most "blissful" opening music (the "startup chime") to accompany the images' appearance upon boot-up. 

There are claims that Bliss, the default desktop wallpaper used in Microsoft’s Windows XP operating system, is the most viewed photograph of all time.  It was taken in 1996 by Charles O'Rear (b 1941) at Sonoma County, a viticultural region in California, using a Mamiya RZ67 film camera and as used by Microsoft, was barely changed, just cropped to better suit the shape of computer screens, the green hues slightly more saturated to render the image more “wallpaper-like”.

Quite how often bliss has been viewed isn’t known.  Economists and others use a variety of mathematical models and equations to calculate numbers where exact or even indicative records either don’t exist or can’t be relied upon, a famous example of which is the “piano tuner” problem posed by Italian-American nuclear physicist Enrico Fermi (1901–1954) for his students to ponder.  The challenge for the students was to create a formula to estimate the number of piano tuners in Chicago, based only on the known population of the city.  It would thus be a task of extrapolation, using one constant and a number of assumptions.  Fermi deconstructed his equation thus:

(1) Chicago has a population of 3 million.

(2) Assume an average family contains four members so that the number of families in Chicago must be about 750,000.

(3) Assume one in five families owns a piano, meaning there will be 150,000 pianos in Chicago.

(4) Assume the average piano tuner services four pianos a day and works a for five day week, taking an annual two week vacation.

(5) Therefore, in his (50 week) working year, a tuner would tune 1,000 pianos. The formula is thus 150,000 divided by (4 x 5 x 50) = 150.  There must be around 150 piano tuners in Chicago.

The method obviously doesn’t guarantee an exactly correct result but it does provide an indicative number might be off by no more than a factor of 2-3 and almost certainly within a factor of 10-12 so it’s reasonable to conclude there will be neither 15 nor 1,500 piano tuners.  A number with a factor error of even 2-3 in most cases is probably not a great deal of help (except to cosmologists for whom a factor of 10 error remains “within cosmological accuracy” but the piano tuner problem does illustrate how the concept can work and the more (useful) constants which are known, the more accurate the result is likely to be achieved.

Bliss, a little greener and cropped to fit on computer monitors.

Even so, it’s probably impossible to estimate how often bliss has been viewed, even were one to assemble as many constants and assumptions as are available such as:

(1) Number of copies of Windows XP sold.

(2) Number of copies of Windows XP in use in each year since it was introduced.

(3) Number of users per copy of Windows XP.

(4) Number of instances which retained bliss as wallpaper.

(5) Number of times per day each user saw bliss.

However, even with those and as many more assumptions as can be imagined, it’s doubtful if a vaguely accurate number could be derived, simply because data such as the number of users who changed their wallpaper (or have such a change imposed on them by corporate policies) isn’t available and there’s no rational basis on which to base an assumption.  However, although any estimate will almost certainly be out by millions or even billions, the bliss viewing number will be a big number and it being the world’s most viewed photograph is not implausible.

One of the reasons for the big number was the unexpected longevity of Windows XP which proved more enduring than two of its intended successors, the somewhat misunderstood Windows Vista and the truly awful Windows 8, the ongoing popularity of the thing meaning Microsoft repeatedly extended the end-date for support.  Introduced later in 2001, with a final substantive update made in 2008, support for Windows XP was intended to end in 2012 but such was the response that this was shifted in one form or another to 2014 for the mainstream products while for specialist installations (such as embedded devices), it lingered on until 2019.  That extension appealed to the nerd after-market which quickly provided hacks (with titles like “XP Update Extender”) to allow users to make XP on their desktop or laptop appear to Microsoft’s update services as one on the devices still supported.  Microsoft could have stopped this at any time but never did which was a nice courtesy.

More productive but less blissful: the scene in Sonoma County, 2006 after the land was given over to a vineyard. 

Another aspect of XP where “bliss point” could be used was that the users interface proved for many something of an ideal, combining the basic design of the model introduced when the object-oriented GUI (graphical user interface) was offered on Windows 95 (and subsequently bolted to Windows NT4) along with a few colorful embellishments.  So compelling was this that when, inexplicably, Microsoft introduced something less usable for Windows 8, the nerd after-market quickly mobilized and many “classic menus” appeared, the best of which remains “Open-Shell” (previously called “Classic Shell” & “Classic Start”) and there are those still so nostalgic for the ways of XP that some add it to their Windows 10/11 systems, even though the menu structures of those are a genuine improvement.  How many also add the bliss wallpaper (which remains widely available) isn’t known but Microsoft certainly haven’t attempted to suppress the memory, the Office 365 team including it in 2021 in a set of historical images for use with their Teams communication platform.

Microsoft Windows XP: The startup chime.

Velocity

Velocity (pronounced vuh-los-i-tee)

(1) Rapidity of motion or operation; swiftness; a certain measurement of speed.

(2) In mechanics and physics, a measure of the rate of motion of a body expressed as the rate of change of its position in a particular direction with time.  It is measured in metres per second, miles per hour etc.

(3) In casual, non technical use, a synonym for speed.

1540-1550: From the Middle French vélocité, from the Latin velocitatem (nominative vēlōcitās) (swiftness; speed), from vēlōx (genitive velocis) (swift, speedy, rapid, quick) of uncertain origin.  It may be related either to volō (I fly), volāre (to fly) or vehere (carry) from the primitive Indo-European weǵh- (to go, move, transport in a vehicle) although some etymologists prefer a link with the Proto-Italic weksloks from the primitive Indo-European weg-slo-, a suffixed form of the root weg- (to be strong, be lively). Although in casual use, velocity and speed are often used interchangeably, their meanings differ.  Speed is a scalar quantity referring to how fast an object is moving; the rate at which an object covers distance.  Velocity is the rate at which an object changes position in a certain direction. It is calculated by the displacement of space per a unit of time in a certain direction. Velocity deals with direction, while speed does not.  In summary, velocity is speed with a direction, while speed does not have a direction.  Velocity is a noun; the noun plural is velocities.

Great moments in velocity stacks

Velocity stacks (also informally known as trumpets or air horns) are trumpet-shaped devices, sometimes of differing lengths, fitted to the air entry of an engine's induction system, feeding carburetors or fuel injection.  Velocity stacks permit a smooth and even flow of air into the intake tract at high velocities with the air-stream adhering to the pipe walls, a process known as laminar flow.  They allow engineers to modify the dynamic tuning range of the intake tract by functioning as a resonating pipe which can adjust the frequency of pressure pulses based on its length within the tract.  Depending on the length and shape of the stack, the flow can be optimized for the desired power and torque characteristics, thus their popularity in competition where the quest is often for top-end power but the flow can also be tuned instead to produce enhanced low or mid-range performance for specialized use.

1973 McLaren M20C.

The 1968 McLaren M8A was built for the Canadian-American Challenge Cup (the Can-Am) and used a new aluminum version (later sold for street use as the ZL1) of the 427 cubic inch (7.0 litre) big-block Chevrolet V8.  Dry sumped and fuel injected, it was rated at 625 bhp.  A series for unlimited displacement sports cars, the wonderful thing about the Can-Am was the brevity of the rules which essentially were limited to (1) enclosed body work and (2) two seats (one of which was close to a fake).  With engines eventually growing to 509 cubic inches (8.3 litres) and reaching close to 800 horsepower, the McLarens dominated the series for five years, their era ended only by the arrival of the turbo-panzers, the turbocharged Porsche 917s which in qualifying trim generated a reputed 1500 horsepower.  The McLarens remained competitive however, the final race of the 1974 series won by a McLaren  M20.    

1970 Ferrari 512S.

Ferrari built 25 512S models in 1969-1970 to comply with the FIA’s homologation rules as a Group 5 sports car to contest the 1970 International Championship for Makes.  It used a five-litre V12 and was later modified to become the 512M which, other than modified road cars, was the last Ferrari of the post-war era built for sports car racing, the factory instead focusing on Formula One.  Not until 2023 would Ferrari return to the Sports Car circuits, celebrated with victory in the Le Mans 24 hour endurance classic, the marque's first since winning with a 250 LM in 1965.  

1965 Coventry Climax FWMW flat-16 prototype.

Coventry Climax developed their FWMW between 1963-1965, intending it for use in Formula One.  A 1.5 litre flat-16, both the Brabham and Lotus teams designed cars for this engine but it was never raced and the engines never proceeded beyond the prototype stage.  Like many of the exotic and elaborate designs to which engineers of the era were attracted, the disadvantages imposed by the sheer bulk and internal friction were never overcome and the promised power increases existed in such a narrow power band it’s usefulness in competition was negligible.  Even on the test-benches it was troublesome, the torsional vibrations of the long crankshaft once destroying an engine undergoing testing.  It was Coventry at its climax; after the débacle of the FWMW, the company withdrew from Formula One, never to return.

1970 Porsche flat-16 prototype.

Porsche developed their flat-16 in the search for the power needed to compete with the big-capacity machines in the Can-Am series.  Unable further to enlarge their flat-12, their solution was to add a third more cylinders.  As an engine, it was a success and delivered the promised power but the additional length of the engine necessitated adding to the wheelbase of the cars and that upset their balance, drivers finding them unstable.  Porsche mothballed the flat-16 and resorted instead to forced-aspiration, the turbocharged flat-12 so effective that ultimately it was banned but not before it was tweaked to deliver a reputed 1500+ horsepower in Can-Am qualifying trim and, in 1975, at the Talladega raceway it was used to set the FIA closed course speed record at 221.160 mph (355.923 km/h); the mark stood for five years.  Had the 917 from the start been designed around a flat-16, it's history may have proved more remarkable still.

1966 Ford 289 V8 in GT40 Mk 1.

Not all the Ford GT40s had the photogenic cluster of eight velocity stacks.  When the Ford team arrived at Le Mans in 1966, their Mk II GT40s were fitted with a detuned version of the 427 cubic inch (7.0 litre) big-block FE engines used on the NASCAR circuits and instead of the multiple twin-choke carburetors with the velocity stacks familiar to the Europeans, it was fed by a single four barrel unit under a fairly agricultural looking air intake.  On the GT40s, the velocity stacks looked best on the 289 and 302 cubic inch (4.7 & 4.9 litre) small-block Windsor V8s, the ones built with the four downdraft Weber carburetors thought most charismatic and they're nicely complemented by the "bundle of snakes" exhaust systems.

1967 BRM H-16.

In typically English fashion, the 1949 BRM V16 is celebrated as a glorious failure.  In grand prix racing, it failed for many reasons but in one aspect, it was a great success: the supercharged 1.5 litre engine generated prodigious, if hard to handle, power.  Not discouraged, when a three litre formula was announced for 1966, BRM again found the lure of sixteen cylinders irresistible though this time, aspiration would be atmospheric.  It actually powered a Lotus to one grand prix victory in Formula One but that was its sole success.  Although nice and short, it was heavy and tall, the latter characteristic contributing to a high centre of gravity, exacerbated by the need to elevate the mounting of the block to make space for the exhaust system of the lower eight cylinders.  It was also too heavy and the additional power it produced was never enough to offset the many drawbacks.  Withdrawn from competition after two seasons and replaced by a more conventional V12, the FIA later changed the rules to protect BRM from themselves, banning sixteen cylinder engines.  Had BRM persisted, what was planned was four-valve head so the H-16's component count would have listed: 16 cylinders, 2 crankshafts, 8 camshafts, 2 distributers and 64 valves, making those who value intricacy porn most content.

1969 Ferrari 312P.

Build to comply with Group 6 regulations for prototype sports cars, the Ferrari 312 P was raced by the factory towards the end of the classic era for sports car racing which dated back to the early 1950s.  Fielded first with a three litre V12, it was re-powered with a flat-12 in 1971 and has often been described as the Ferrari Formula One car with bodywork and while a simplification, given the engineering differences between the two, that was the concept.  It appeared on the grid to contest the World Sportscar Championship in 1969, a return from a year of self-imposed exile after one of Enzo Ferrari's many arguments with the FIA.  Needing reliability for distance racing, the Formula One engine was slightly detuned and, as in the open wheeler on which it was based, acted as an integral load-bearing part of the structure.  Unlike Ferrari's earlier sports cars, this time the classic array of Webber carburetors was eschewed, the velocity stacks sitting atop Lucas mechanical fuel-injection.

Albert Einstein, Lindsay Lohan and velocity

Velocity plays is a critical component in Albert Einstein’s (1879-1955) Special (1905) & General (1915) Theories of Relativity which profoundly redined understanding of space, time, and gravity.  In the Special Theory of Relativity, there is an explanation of the perception of “simultaneity”: events simultaneous in one frame of reference may not be simultaneous in another frame moving at a different velocity.  The critical implication of this was that time was absolute but depends on the relative motion of observers.  This means a moving clock runs slower than one which is static (relative to the observer).  History’s second most quoted equation (number one said to be “2+2=4” although this is contested) is Einstein’s expression of mass-energy equivalence (E=mc²) which shows that mass and energy are interchangeable.  The significance in that of velocity is that as an object's velocity approaches the speed of light, its relativistic mass increases, requiring more energy to continue accelerating.  From this Einstein deduced the speed of light was the “universal speed limit” because for this eventually to be exceeded would require the input of an infinite amount of energy.  Whether such a state might have been possible in the first fraction of a second during the creation of the current universe remains a matter of speculation but as it now exists, the limit remains orthodox science although, for certain purposes, it is possible usefully to construct a model of the universe where, in a sense, "everything is happening at the same time", an abstraction which, paradoxically, is often used to illustrate why it's wrong.  This "everything is happening at the same time" model differs from one in which time doesn't exist: in such a place, everything would have to happen at once.     

The role of velocity in the General Theory of Relativity remains fundamental but is more complex still.  In addition to the dilation of time sue to relative motion, there is also “Gravitational Time Dilation” (due to relative motion, gravity itself causes time to dilate).  Objects moving in strong gravitational fields experience time more slowly than those existing in weaker fields.  Radically, what Einstein did was explain gravity not as a force (which is how we experience it) but as a curvature of space-time caused by the effects of mass & energy and the motion (and thus the velocity) of objects is is influenced by this curvature.  The best known illustration of the concept is that of “Geodesic Motion”: In curved space-time, a free-falling object moves along a geodesic path (the straightest possible between the points of departure & arrival). The velocity of an object influences its trajectory in curved space-time, and this motion is determined by the curvature created by mass-energy.

Two of Lindsay Lohan’s car most publicized car accidents.  All else being equal (which, as Albert Einstein would have explained, probably can’t happen), if an object is travelling at a higher velocity (in the casual sense of "speed"), the damage will be greater.  In these examples, at the point of impact, the Porsche 911 (997) CarreraS (2012, left) was travelling at a higher velocity than the Mercedes-Benz SL 65 AMG roadster (2005, right).

In classical (pre-Einstein) mechanics, the explanation would have been an object traveling at a higher velocity would have its kinetic energy increase quadratically with velocity (ie double the velocity and the kinetic energy increases by a factor of four.  In relativistic physics, as an object's velocity approaches the speed of light, its relativistic mass increases with velocity and relativistic mass contributes to the object's total energy.  For velocities much less than the speed of light (non-relativistic speeds (a car, even with Lindsay Lohan behind the wheel)), the increase in mass is negligible, and the primary difference is the increase in kinetic energy which follows the classical equation.  However, at velocities approaching the speed of light, both the kinetic energy and the relativistic mass increase significantly.  In a car crash, the main determinate of an impact's severity (and thus the damage suffered) is the kinetic energy:  A car traveling at a higher velocity will have significantly more kinetic energy, so any impact will be more destructive; the kinetic energy is determined by the square of the velocity meaning small a small increase in velocity results in a large increase in energy.  So, on the road, it’s really all about energy because the velocity attainable (relative to what’s going to be hit) means any increase in mass is going to be negligible.  However, were a car to be travelling at close to the speed of light the relativistic mass greatly would be increased, further contributing to the energy of the crash and making things worse still.

Procreate

Procreate (pronounced proh-kree-yet)

(1) To beget, engender or generate (offspring).

(2) To produce; bring into being.

1530–1540: From the Latin prōcreātus, past participle of prōcreāre (to breed), the construct being pro- + creāre (to create), prōcreāte being the second-person plural present active imperative of prōcreō (present infinitive prōcreāre, perfect active prōcreāvī, supine prōcreātum; first conjugation).  Root form was pro- +‎ creo, the pro- prefix being the combining form of prō (preposition); creo was from the Proto-Italic krēāō (to make grow) from the primitive Indo-European ḱer- (to grow; become bigger”), the same root of crēscō (I increase, rise, grow, thrive; multiply, augment).  The synonyms and related terms include spawn, proliferate, originate, impregnate, parent, engender, sire, create, breed, father, generate, mother, produce, propagate, conceive, hatch, multiply, get, beget & make.  Procreate, procreated & procreating are verbs, procreation, procreativeness & procreator are nouns and procreant & procreative are adjectives; the noun plural is procreators.

The consequences of procreation: Lindsay Lohan’s family tree.

Procreation was a theme in the Bible.  In Genesis 1:28, God tells Adam and Eve to “be fruitful and increase in number”, a point reinforced in Psalm 127:3–5 and Matthew 28:18-20.  In an early example of a social contract, in the Covenant of the Rainbow (Genesis 6:13-22 (KJV)), having told man to go forth and multiply, God granted humanity dominion over all earth and “…every beast of the earth, and upon every fowl of the air, upon all that moveth upon the earth, and upon all the fishes of the sea; into your hand are they delivered.  Every moving thing that liveth shall be meat for you; even as the green herb have I given you all things.”  Most anxious to do the Lord’s work was Barnaby Joyce (b 1967; thrice (between local difficulties) deputy prime minister of Australia 2016-2022).  Having gone forth and multiplied with his wife who gave him four dsughters, after pausing to condemn same-sex marriage because it threatened the sanctity of traditional marriage, he deserted his wife to go forth and multiply with his mistress... twice.  The two children were later able to attend their parents' marriage which was a nice touch.