Trapezoid

Trapezoid (pronounced trap-uh-zoid)

(1) In British English, a quadrilateral plane figure having no parallel sides.

(2) In US English, a quadrilateral plane figure having two parallel and two non-parallel sides.

(3) In anatomy, a small bone in the wrist that is situated near the base of the index finger and that articulates with the second metacarpal, trapezium, capitate, and scaphoid bones.

1706: From the New Latin trapezoīdēs, from the Late Greek trapezoeidḗs (trapezium-like in shape), coined by the mathematician Euclid (4^th-3^rd century BC) from trapeze (literally “table”) + -oeides (shaped).  Originally it described a quadrilateral figure a quadrilateral figure having only two sides parallel, the purists insisting that describes a trapezium.  The terms trapezium and trapezoid have swapped meanings in North America compared with the rest of the world.  Trapezoid & trapezium are nouns, trapezoidal is an adjective; the noun plural is trapezoids or trapeziums depending on one's definition.

The trapezoid’s different definitions

Of all the squabbles in the world, one of the most improbably enduring concerns the definition of what constitutes a trapezoid.  Disagreements between mathematicians are of course not unusual and those involving the efficacy of this or that proof of some arcane have lasted sometimes centuries but differences over the definition of something basic are rare.  They do however happen.  It was once the case that in the UK the value of a billion was held to be a million millions, on the logical basis that a million was a thousand thousands.  The Americans decided that was silly because a number expressing a million millions was (at the time) of use only to cosmologists and argued, no less logically that to set a billion at a thousand millions would make it genuinely useful.  In the end, thankfully, the US view prevailed.

An irregular quadrilateral in the UK, a trapezium in the US (left); a trapezium in the UK, a trapezoid in the US (right).

But it seems strange there could be differences over what makes a trapezoid, a flat 2D shape with four straight sides.  Classically, it had one pair of parallel sides (usually the top and bottom); the parallel called the bases, the non-parallel the legs (the distance from one base to another is known as the altitude).  The faction which holds a trapezoid has only one pair of parallel sides (meaning they can never be parallelograms) adheres to what’s known as the exclusive definition.  The others (now in the majority) believe trapezoids have at least one pair of parallel sides, so they can be a special type of parallelogram and this is known as the inclusive definition which encompasses the “taxonomy of quadrilaterals” (an ordered group category of quadrilaterals (four-sided shapes)).  In the US and Canada a quadrilateral shape with at least one pair of parallel sides is known as a trapezoid. This is what is called a trapezium outside those countries but fortunately, mathematicians everywhere agree there are three main types of trapezoids:

(1) The right trapezoid (a shape with a pair of right angles).
(2) Isosceles trapezoid (a shape in which the non-parallel sides have the same length).
(3) Scalene trapezoid (a shape where all four sides are of unequal length).

Peugeot 504 with the original “trapezoid” headlamp lens (left), the four-lamp arrangement used in the US, Australia (after 1973) and some export markets (centre) and the single light adopted for the “poverty spec” & later utility models (right).

The Peugeot 504 in one form or another was in production for almost half a century, lasting from 1968 until 2006 although the mainstream (non-utility) models were discontinued in France in 1983.  A machine of extraordinary virtue which was refined enough for European roads yet sufficiently robust successfully to endure the harsh conditions often found in the former colonies of the old French Empire, it also gained an admiring audience in rural Australia where distances were vast, roads often rough and mechanics sometimes hard to find.  Among cars using a conventional suspension (no hydraulics, air bellows or other exotica), only Jaguar’s equally remarkable XJ6 (another debutante from 1968) could match its ride quality.  The 504’s headlights were often described as trapezoid but that was never true (on either side of the Atlantic) because not only were no two sides parallel, the outer was actually curved.  At most they could be could be thought trapezoidish or trapezoidesque but some were not even that.  As a means to assist in producing low-cost variants, some were made with a single, circular lamp instead cost-saving measure while versions with four (smaller) units were offered in some markets.  In the US this was to satisfy laws introduced as an industry-protection measure while in Australia it was to assist in meeting the local content rules which offered taxation advantages for the assembly plants although the change was popular with rural buyers used to frequently broken lights on their unsealed roads, the round units cheap and available at every petrol (gas) station or country store.

A woman wearing a chador contemplates placing a bid on Mr Ahmadinejad's then 34 year old Peugeot 504, Abadan, Iran, February 2011.

In November 2010, it was announced President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (b 1956; president of the Islamic Republic or Iran 2005-2013) would be auctioning his 1977 Peugeot 504 to raise money for a charity dedicated to providing affordable housing for low-income families.  With low mileage and said to be in immaculate condition, there was much interest and what proved to be the most expensive 504 ever made was sold in March 2011 to the highest bidder for US$2.5 million.  The 504's engine and suspension were used in later models of the Paykan, the long running (1966-2015) Iranian version of the Rootes Group's Arrow (the best known version of which was the Hillman Hunter (1967-1979)).  The transplant came about because in 1978 Peugeot-Talbot took control of Chrysler's European operations, the US corporation having in 1967 absorbed Rootes Group.

A metallic gray Peugeot 504.

Another infamous Peugeot 504 owner was Archbishop Paul Marcinkus (1922–2006; president of the Institute for the Works of Religion (the "Vatican Bank") 1971-1989) who had a metallic gray one with a “lovely leather interior”.  The archbishop was gay which was nothing unusual among the bishops and cardinals in the Vatican (indeed it’s probably unusual not to be gay in such circles) but even in that colourful milieu his sexual appetite was considered “in the upper range” and his fondness for Swiss Guards was both well known and the subject of some mirth among the Curia; often the archbishop would "lend" his Peugeot to his favourite Swiss Guards to use on their expeditions for this and that.  Highlights of the archbishop’s life included (1) being for a time ensconced behind the Vatican walls and protected by diplomatic immunity to ensure he’d not have to face interrogation from the various authorities interested in matters related to certain transactions at the Vatican Bank, (2) being associated with Italian banker Roberto Calvi (1920–1982), chairman of the bank Banco Ambrosiano (which collapsed in 1982) and known as Banchiere di Dio (God's Banker); found hanged from the scaffolding under London's Blackfriars Bridge) and (3) being accused of complicity in the murder of Pope John Paul I (1912–1978; pope August-September 1978).  There’s no compelling evidence the 33 day pontificate of JPI ended with his murder and nor is there anything but “a bit of circumstantial” suggest Marcinkus may have been involved.  Most historians concluded JPI died from natural causes and the marvellous conspiracy theory hinges on the suggestion the pope was planning to institute reforms in the Vatican Bank which had been linked to financial corruption involving the Banco Ambrosiano and the Propaganda Due (P2) Masonic Lodge.

Archbishop Marcinkus (far left) & Paul VI (1897-1978; pope 1963-1978, centre left) meet US Baptist preacher & civil rights activist Reverend Dr Martin Luther King Jr (1929–1968, centre right) & US Baptist preacher & civil rights activist Reverend Ralph Abernathy Sr (1926–1990, far right), the Vatican, 18 November 1964.  The US delegation was on the Rome leg of a European tour.

Even by the standards of the cult, the P2 Masonic Lodge was secretive which was understandable given how deeply it was involved in political corruption, financial irregularities and organized crime and finally it was banned in 1981 after the extent of its criminality became just too much for elements within the Italian state to continue the protection for years provided.  Founded in 1945, P2 originally was just another Masonic lodge under the Grand Orient of Italy but it came under the control of businessman and fascist Licio Gelli (1919–2015) who became Venerable Master and transformed it into a kind of shadow state.  In the manner Masons have practiced for centuries, P2 infiltrated institutions and recruited influential figures including politicians (including then media figure Silvio Berlusconi (1936-2023; prime minister of Italy 1994-1995, 2001-2006 & 2008-2011), military officers, judges, journalists and businessmen, most with some degree of fascist sympathy.  Essentially, P2’s agenda was a kind of “MIGA” (Make Italy Great Again) program and in the way these things are done, their plan for a latter day Il Risorgimento (Resurgence, the nineteenth century movement which culminated in the unification of Italy (1961)) their project, although presented as a “Plan for Democratic Rebirth” was actually a plot to undermine democracy and take control of the government.  P2 deeply was implicated in the scandals swirling around the Vatican Bank and the collapse of Banco Ambrosiano in 1982 and when finally investigated, almost a thousand officials and others were found to have ties to the cult; the prime minister, Arnaldo Forlani (1925–2023; Prime Minister of Italy 1980-1981), was compelled to resign although at the time of his death he was both the oldest living and longest-lived Italian prime minister so there was that.  As the scandal unfolded, Venerable Master Licio Gelli was expelled from the Masons (presumably because he’d committed the unforgivable sin of “being caught”) and arrested, triggering years of court cases, escapes from custody, hiding in other countries and pleading not guilty.  In the Italian way, despite receiving long sentences he spent very little time in prison and by 2003 seemed content P2 had in a way succeeded because the “democratic rebirth plan” was “being implemented by Silvio Berlusconi”.

Peugeot 504 Coupé: The early headlamp treatment (1969-1974, left) and the later (1974-1983, centre).  The 2018 Peugeot E-Legend concept car (right).

The rather lovely 504 coupé & cabriolet (1969-1983) both eschewed the trapezoidesque, the early versions using four lamps sometimes described a “quartic” but, being rectangles with rounded ends, they’re actually closer to what mathematicians call a “stadium”.  Later models used essentially the same internals but were mounted behind a single lens in a shape called a “rounded rectangle”.  Although not quintessentially “French” like the classic Citroëns (DS, GS, SM, CX), the 504 coupé & cabriolet were elegant and capable and it's sad the French industry has in recent decades produced nothing to match them.  Peugeot’s designers however seem aware of the appeal and in 2018 displayed their E-Legend concept car, an attractive take on the 504 coupé’s lines.  Nothing like it ever reached production and the range remained dreary and predictable.

Variations of the trapezoid are widely used shapes for handbags.  Noted handbag fan Lindsay Lohan (in brunette, blonde and red) demonstrates some of the interpretations.

Mermaid

Mermaid (pronounced mur-meyd)

(1) In folklore, a female marine creature, having the head, torso, and arms of a woman and the tail of a fish.  The less well-known masculine equivalent is a merman.

(2) Slang term for a highly skilled female swimmer.

Mid-1300s: From the Middle English mermayde (maid of the sea), the construct being mere + maid. From the Middle English mere, from the Old English mere (sea; inlet; lake), from the Proto-Germanic mari derived from the primitive Indo-European móri. It was cognate with the West Frisian mar, the Dutch & Low German meer and Norwegian mar (only used in combinations, such as marbakke).  It was related to the Latin mare, the Breton mor and the Russian мо́ре (móre).  Maid is from the Middle English mayde or maide, an abbreviation of maiden. Ultimate source is the Proto-Germanic magaþs (maid, virgin) and there were links to the Dutch meid & Magd.  The fourteenth century image of the "fabled marine or amphibian creature having the upper body in the form of a woman and the lower in the form of a fish, with human attributes" appeared most often in conjunction with the idea of a creature "usually working harm, with or without malignant intent, to mortals with whom she might be thrown into relation".

Along with meremenn, meremennen & meremenin, Old English had the equivalent merewif (water-witch (related is the modern “wife”)) and meremenn (mermaid, siren) which were cognate with the Middle Dutch meer-minne and the Old High German meri-min which, circa 1200, became the Middle English mere-min, shortened in the early thirteenth century to mere (siren), the later mermaid probably a re-expansion of this.  Interestingly, where similar forms existed in northern Europe, they were tail-less; the fishy form a medieval influence from classical sirens, mermaids said sometimes to lure sailors to destruction with song.

An artist's depiction of Lindsay Lohan as mermaid.

Mermaids became a popular sign displayed by taverns and inns (and not just those in ports or coastal towns) in the early fifteenth century and Mermaid pie, first sold in the 1660s, was a sucking pig baked whole in a crust and documented from 1825 was the mermaid's purse (the baked egg-case of a skate, ray, or shark), a dish (an aquatic take on the culinary tradition of haggis) thought of Scottish origin.  The merman (fabulous sea-creature, man above and fish below (literally "man of the sea)) dates from circa 1600; the gender-neutral merpeople from 1849 and merfolk (inhabitants of the sea with human bodies and fish-like tails) from 1846.  The recent male gender formations never caught the public imagination in quite the same way and seem pointless add-ons to the myth, al la Barbi's Ken.

Садко в Подводном царстве (Romanized as Sadko v Podvodnom tsarstve) and commonly called Sadko although known also as Sadko in the Underwater Kingdom (1876), oil on canvas by Ilya Yefimovich Repin (1844–1930), Russian Museum, Saint Petersburg.  

Repin painted Sadko (an imposing 127 in × 90.6 inches (3.225 x 2.3m)) while living in France.  The artist was inspired by an epic-length Russian poem, depicting the merchant and musician Sadko who must choose for his wife one of the daughters of the Underwater King.  Biographers have noted the subject an uncharacteristic one for Repin and have suggested his choice of a tale from Russian folklore may have reflected the homesickness he felt after three years in self-imposed exile although it exhibits too the influences of the artistic and social milieu of Paris's Montmartre.  At the time, Repin was ambivalent about the state of Russian art and for some time, Sadko sat abandoned in his studio but the society painter Alexey Petrovich Bogolyubov (1824–1896) thought it so compellingly Russian he prevailed upon Tsesarevich Alexander Alexandrovich (1845-1894; the future Tsar Alexander III (1881-1894)) to commission it, prompting Repin to finish the work.

The bylina (an oral epic poem) which inspired the painting was from north-west Russia and recounts how Sadko had been brought to the realm of the Underwater King to perform a recital which went well, so well the king danced with such delight that he caused a devastating storm.  To show his appreciation, the king offered Sadko the choice of one of his mermaid daughters to take as his wife but following the advice of a saint, Sadko refuses three times three hundred daughters before accepting the last, named Chernavushka.  In the painting, Sadko appears at the right, watching the mermaids flow past his gaze, the unchosen at the front of the procession looking more disappointed than the fish John West rejects.  Chernavushka, last in the aquatic queue is shown glancing at her man.  At the time, the work received a mixed reaction.  All acknowledged the technical skill displayed in the execution but it appealed only to Russian traditionalists, those critics who moved in more liberal circles and were attracted more to realism than a mystical allegory of an undersea kingdom thought it sentimental "folk-art" and urged Repin to return to the naturalistic style with which he'd established his early reputation.

Nice work if you can get it: The Disneyland mermaids.

In summer, between 1959-1967, women dressed as mermaids were employed to splash around four hours a day, operating from a coral reef in the middle of the Submarine Lagoon at the Disneyland Resort in California.  The criteria to qualify for selection as a Disney mermaid included having long hair and being able to swim, the other qualifications not listed on the advertisements but presumably implied by the nature of the appointment.  Those lucky enough to succeed in the first stage of the recruitment process needed to prove their prowess in the hotel pool and, upon demonstrating adequate aquatic adeptness, were given a job which included their tails.  The weekly salary was US$65 which was above average for the time, their other perk being the right to swim in any of the park's many pools (without their tails).

Disney mermaids on the rocks.

For a few weeks, prior to the opening in June, the mermaids practiced in Submarine Lagoon, surrounded by construction activity, neither the lagoon or the Matterhorn yet complete and were warned to keep their distance from the submarine, since there was no barrier and the installation contained what were described, ominously, as "moving parts".  After opening, the mermaids would swim around the submarine, giving guests a memorable experience under and above the surface, performing tricks such as flips and turns with their tails.  Their costumes consisted of a starfish top and a remarkably life-like neoprene tail which could be seen shimmering in the water by those aboard the monorail which transported guests between the park and the Disneyland Hotel.

Disney mermaids flexing their tails.

An integral and important part of the lagoon’s design was a centrally-located rock which was artificially heated, vital because the water was cold and on cooler days, the mermaids really needed the warmth.  The rock became the hangout spot for the mermaids to warm up in the sun and chat amongst themselves, itself something of a tourist attraction and one of the park’s more photographed scenes although the volume of the crowds gathered to enjoy the view did create congestion.  That was manageable but the programme had to be closed in 1967 after a number of mermaids were found to be suffering illness, caused by a combination of prolonged exposure to diesel submarine's exhaust fumes and the highly chlorinated water.  After an absence of many years, mermaids can again be seen in the lagoon but, unlike the flesh, blood and neoprene originals, today’s creatures are animatronic creations.

The  “sturgeon incident”, Xishuangbanna Primitive Forest Park, Yunnan, China, January 2025.  

In the twenty-first century, being a mermaid remains hazardous, the dangers including some not covered by most OHS (occupational health & safety) guidelines.  In January 2025, aged 22, Russian national Masha was working as a mermaid in the aquarium at Xishuangbanna Primitive Forest Park in the PRC’s (People’s Republic of China) Yunnan Province when a large sturgeon appeared to attempt to “chomp” on her head.  The quick thinking mermaid swam away with only minor injuries although it appears the fish may have swallowed her goggles and nose clips.  Children in the audience were said to be “shocked”.

Masha before “sturgeon incident”.

The source of the most prized and expensive caviar, sturgeons are among the largest freshwater fish and the largest can grow to 24 feet (7.2 meters) in length and weigh over 3500 lb (1500 kg) although most are typically between 7–10 feet (2–3 meters) and weigh several hundred pounds; an ancient species, they can live over 100 years.  Generally shy, there’s no history of them attacking people although the largest (like the Gulf or Atlantic sturgeon) have sometimes caused injuries (and even fatalities) by leaping from the water and colliding with someone unfortunate enough to be in their path.  Bottom feeders, they live on small aquatic organisms like crustaceans, insects and molluscs; lacking teeth, they use their suction-feeding ability to suck up food from the river or lakebed, relying on their barbels (whisker-like sensory organs) to detect prey in murky water.

Masha after “sturgeon incident”.

The mermaid was offered about US$100 in compensation for “moral damages” but was also warned not to discuss the “attack” and reminded of the consequences of posting material on-line which could be construed as “being a troublemaker” but unfortunately for Xishuangbanna Primitive Forest Park’s relationship with the CCP (Chinese Communist Party), customers who had filmed the attack within minutes uploaded the footage to TikTok’s domestic sister app Douyin, from which it spread worldwide.  Moscow news services reported that so expendable did Russian mermaids appear to be that although injured and in some pain, Masha was required almost immediately to return to the water where presumably she maintained a cautious distance from the big fish.  In Russian, Masha is an affectionate diminutive of Maria, from Mary, the English form of Maria, the Latin form of the Greek Μαρία, María (or Μαριάμ) & Mariam, found in the Septuagint and New Testament.  In the Hebrew the name meant “rising water” and in Russian “star of the sea” so Masha may have been destined to be a mermaid or at least something aquatic.  Masha can also mean “willpower” or “bitterness” and, in the circumstances, she might need one to overcome the other.

Legside

Legside (pronounced leg-sahyd)

(1) In the terminology of cricket (also as onside), in conjunction with “offside”, the half of the cricket field behind the batter in their normal batting stance.

(2) In the terminology of horse racing, in conjunction with “offside”, the sides of the horse relative to the rider.

Pre 1800s: The construct was leg + side.  Leg was from the Middle English leg & legge, from the Old Norse leggr (leg, calf, bone of the arm or leg, hollow tube, stalk), from the Proto-Germanic lagjaz & lagwijaz (leg, thigh).  Although the source is uncertain, the Scandinavian forms may have come from a primitive Indo-European root used to mean “to bend” which would likely also have been linked with the Old High German Bein (bone, leg).  It was cognate with the Scots leg (leg), the Icelandic leggur (leg, limb), the Norwegian Bokmål legg (leg), the Norwegian Nynorsk legg (leg), the Swedish lägg (leg, shank, shaft), the Danish læg (leg), the Lombardic lagi (thigh, shank, leg), the Latin lacertus (limb, arm), and the Persian لنگ (leng).  After it entered the language, it mostly displaced the native Old English term sċanca (from which Modern English ultimately gained “shank”) which was probably from a root meaning “crooked” (in the literal sense of “bent” rather than the figurative used of crooked Hillary Clinton).  Side was from the Middle English side, from the Old English sīde (flanks of a person, the long part or aspect of anything), from the Proto-Germanic sīdǭ (side, flank, edge, shore), from the primitive Indo-European sēy- (to send, throw, drop, sow, deposit).  It was cognate with the Saterland Frisian Siede (side), the West Frisian side (side), the Dutch zijde & zij (side), the German Low German Sied (side), the German Seite (side), the Danish & Norwegian side (side) and the Swedish sida (side).  The Proto-Germanic sīdō was productive, being the source also of the Old Saxon sida, the Old Norse siða (flank; side of meat; coast), the Danish & Middle Dutch side, the Old High German sita and the German Seite.  Legside is an adjective.

A cricket field as described with a right-hander at the crease (batting); the batter will be standing with their bat held to the offside (there’s no confusion with the concept of “offside” used in football and the rugby codes because in cricket there’s no such rule).

In cricket, the term “legside” (used also as “leg side” or “on side”) is used to refer to the half of the field corresponding to a batter’s non-dominant hand (viewed from their perspective); the legside can thus be thought of as the half of the ground “behind” the while the “offside” is that in front.  This means that what is legside and what is offside is dynamic depending on whether the batter is left or right-handed and because in a match it’s not unusual for one of each to be batting during an over (the basic component of a match, each over now consisting of six deliveries of the ball directed sequentially at the batters), as they change ends, legside and offside can swap.  This has no practical significance except that because many of the fielding positions differ according to whether a left or right-hander is the striker.  That’s not the sole determinate of where a fielding captain will choose to set his field because what’s referred to as a “legside” or “offside” field will often be used in deference to the batter’s tendencies of play.  It is though the main structural component of field settings.  The only exception to this is when cricket is played in unusual conditions such as on the deck of an aircraft carrier (remarkably, it’s been done quite often) but there’s still a legside & offside, shifting as required between port & starboard just as left & right are swapped ashore.

The weird world of cricket's fielding positions.

Quite when legside & offside first came to be used in cricket isn't known but they’ve been part of the terminology of the sport since the rules of the game became formalized when the MCC (Marylebone Cricket Club) first codified the "Laws of Cricket" in what now seem a remarkably slim volume published in 1788, the year following the club’s founding.  There had earlier been rule books, the earliest known to have existed in the 1730s (although no copies appear to have survived) but whether the terms were then is use isn’t known.  What is suspected is legside and offside were borrowed from the turf where, in horse racing jargon, they describe the sides of the horse relative to the rider.  The use of the terms to split the field is reflected also in the names of some of the fielding positions, many of which are self-explanatory while some remain mysterious although presumably they must have seemed a good idea at the time.  One curious survivor of the culture wars which banished "batsman" & "fieldsman" to the shame of being microaggressions is "third man" which continues to be used in the men's game although in women's competition, all seem to have settled on "third", a similar clipping to that which saw "nightwatch" replace "nightwatchman"; third man surely can't last.  The ones which follow the dichotomous description of the field (although curiously “leg” is an element of some and “on” for others) including the pairings “silly mid on” & silly mid off” and “long on & long off”, while in other cases the “leg” is a modifier, thus “slip & leg slip” and “gully & leg gully”.  Some positions use different terminology depending on which side of the field they’re positioned, “point” on the offside being “square leg” on the other while fractional variations in positioning means there is lexicon of terms such as “deep backward square leg” and “wide long off” (which experts will distinguish from a “wideish long off”).

Leg theory

Leg theory was a polite term for what came to be known as the infamous “bodyline” tactic.  In cricket, when bowling, the basic idea is to hit the stumps (the three upright timbers behind the batter), the object being to dislodge the bails (the pair of small wooden pieces which sit in grooves, atop the three).  That done, the batter is “dismissed” and the batting side has to send a replacement, this going on until ten batters have been dismissed, ending the innings.  In essence therefore, the core idea is to aim at the stumps but there are other ways to secure a dismissal such as a shot by the batter being caught on the full by a fielder, thus the attraction of bowling “wide of the off-stump” (the one of the three closest to the off side) to entice the batter to hit a ball in the air to be caught or have one come "off the edge" of the bat to be “caught behind”.  It was realized early on there was little to be gained by bowling down the legside except restricting the scoring because the batter safely could ignore the delivery, content they couldn’t be dismissed LBW (leg before wicket, where but for the intervention of the protective pads on the legs, the ball would have hit the wicket) because, under the rules, if the ball hits the pitch outside the line of the leg stump, the LBW rule can’t be invoked.

A batter can however be caught from a legside delivery and as early as the nineteenth century this was known as leg theory, practiced mostly the slow bowlers who relied on flight in the air and spin of the pitch to beguile the batter.  Many had some success with the approach, the batters unable to resist the temptation of playing a shot to the legside field where the fielders tended often to be fewer.  On the slower, damper pitches of places like England or New Zealand, the technique offered little prospect for the fast bowlers who were usually more effective the faster they bowled but on the generally fast, true decks in Australia, there was an opportunity because a fast, short-pitched (one which hits the pitch first in the bowlers half of the pitch before searing up towards the batter) delivery with a legside line would, disconcertingly, tend at upwards of 90 mph (145 km/h) towards the batter’s head.  The idea was that in attempting to avoid injury by fending off the ball with the bat, the batter would be dismissed, caught by one of the many fielders “packed” on the legside, the other component of leg theory.

Leg theory: Lindsay Lohan’s legs.

For this reason it came to be called “fast leg theory” and it was used off and on by many sides (in Australia and England) during the 1920s but it gained its infamy (and the more evocative “bodyline” label) during the MCC’s (the designation touring England teams used until the 1970s) 1932-1933 Ashes tour of Australia.  Adopted as a tactic against the Australian batter Donald Bradman (1908–2001) against whom nothing else seemed effective (the English noting on the 1930 tour of England he’d once scored 300 runs in a day off his own bat at Leeds), bodyline became controversial after a number of batters were struck high on the body, one suffering a skull fracture (this an era in which helmets and other upper-body protection were unknown).  Such was the reaction the matter was a diplomatic incident, discussed by the respective cabinets in London and Canberra while acerbic cables were exchanged between the ACBC (Australian Cricket Board of Control) and the MCC.

Japanese leg theory: Zettai ryōiki (絶対領域) is a Japanese term which translates literally as “absolute territory” and is used variously in anime gaming and the surrounding cultural milieu.  In fashion, it refers to that area of visible bare skin above the socks (classically the above-the-knee variety) but below the hemline of a miniskirt, shorts or top.

Japanese schoolgirls, long the trend-setters of the nation's fashions, like to pair zettai ryouiki with solid fluffy (also called "plushies") leg warmers.  So influential are they that the roaming pack in this image, although they've picked up the aesthetic, are not actually real school girls.  So, beware of imitations: Tokyo, April 2024.

High-level interventions calmed thing sufficiently for the tour to continue which ended with the tourists winning the series (and thus the Ashes) 4-1.  The tour remains the high-water mark of fast leg theory because although it continued to be used when conditions were suitable, the effectiveness was stunted by batters adjusting their techniques and, later in the decade, the MCC updated their rule book explicitly to proscribe “direct attack” (ie deliveries designed to hit the batter rather than the stumps) bowling, leaving the judgment of what constituted that to the umpires.  Although unrelated and an attempt to counter the “negative” legside techniques which had evolved in the 1950s to limit scoring, further rule changes in 1957 banned the placement of more than two fielders behind square on the leg side, thus rendering impossible the setting of a leg theory field.  Despite all this, what came to be called “intimidatory short pitched bowling” continued, one of the reasons helmets began to appear in the 1970s and the rule which now applies is that only one such delivery is permitted per over.  It has never been a matter entirely about sportsmanship and within the past decade, the Australian test player Phillip Hughes (1988-2014) was killed when struck on the neck (while wearing a helmet) by a short-pitched delivery which severed an artery.

Mystique

Mystique (pronounced mi-steek)

(1) A framework of doctrines, ideas, beliefs, or the like, constructed around a person or object, endowing the person or object with enhanced value or profound meaning:

(2) The aura of mystery (real, imagined or confected) or mystical power surrounding a particular occupation or pursuit:

1891: A borrowing by English in the sense of “atmosphere of mystery and veneration”, from the French noun & adjective mystique (a mystic; the act of a mystic; the mystical), from the Latin mysticus, from the Ancient Greek μυστικός (mustikós) (secret, mystic), from μύστης (mústēs) (one who has been initiated).  Mystique is a noun; the noun plural is plural mystiques.

A Dangerous Liaison (2008) by Carole Seymour-Jones (1943-2015).

When Le Deuxième Sexe (The Second Sex (1949)) was published by French feminist and social theorist Simone de Beauvoir (1908–1986), it was recognized almost at once as a landmark in feminist thought but it was in the twenty-first century re-evaluated when gender came to be re-defined as a spectrum rather than a binary.  Of particular interest was de Beauvoir’s mapping of existentialist thought on to the matter, asserting that being a woman was a construct, something obviously dependent on being born female but the product of processes integral to a society in which women had been defined as inferior to men, a tradition she traces back centuries.  The Second Sex and Dr Germaine Greer’s (b 1939) The Female Eunuch (1970) remain the two most important texts of late twentieth century feminism.  De Beauvoir is one of those writers who led a life which many choose to entangle with what she wrote but The Second Sex is best read by allowing the words to prevail.  

However, the complexity of The Second Sex, infused as it was with strands of French structuralism, meant that it lacked accessibility unless a reader had some background in certain philosophical traditions and it was American feminist Betty Friedan’s (1921–2006) The Feminine Mystique (1963) which, by sheer weight of numbers, proved the greater influence politically, many claiming still it was the work responsible for the emergence of second wave feminism.  The Feminine Mystique is by comparison a slight work and although not of excessive length, is thematically repetitious and can be deconstructed as a long social media post about one woman’s discontent with her life, something to which she (not without justification) links the structure of the patriarchal society in which she exists.  That made it a compelling polemic for the receptive millions of women who read it as their own biographies and ensured its success but it also lent second-wave feminism (which greatly the book at least influenced) a distinctly white, Western, middle-class flavor which asked many of the right questions but ignored (rather than deliberately excluded) most of what lay beyond that fashionable but narrow cultural vista.

Jane Birkin and the mystique of the Birkin Bag

The bag lady: Jane Birkin (with her usual straw bag) and Serge Gainsbourg (1928-1991) at the premiere of their film Slogan, August 1969.

One well-known example of manufactured mystique is that attached to the Birkin Bag manufactured by the French fashion house Hermès, the origin of which was a chance meeting in 1984 on Paris-London shuttle flight between the English actress Jane Birkin (1946-2023) and Jean-Louis Dumas (1938-2010), then executive chairman Hermès.  Ms Birkin was placing her usual straw bag in the overhead locker when “everything fell out” her belongings scattering over her and Monsieur Dumas.  The inevitable conversation ensued and the pair thrown together by circumstances spent the brief flight designing Ms Birkin’s ideal leather bag for weekend travel, the airline’s sick bags improbably used for the first sketches.  Within months, the Birkin was a Hermès part-number.

Although in her later years Ms Birkin ceased to carry one (it became “just too heavy"), over the last four decades, the Birkin has become a coveted item, much sought by those attracted by its association with pop-culture celebrities and the price-tag which begins somewhere over US$10,000 and can, for a custom unit, extend into six figures.  Although the Birkin range is advertized both in the glossy catalogues and on-line, it’s not a “display item” carried on the shelves of the bricks & mortar stores and it’s long been part of the product’s image that as well as being PoA (price on application), they’re not “for everyone”, Hermès selling them only to someone “suitable”; it’s all part of the mystique.  There has long been speculation about how “real” this mystique may be, the suspicion being that if anyone offers cold hard cash (or its modern equivalent), a store manager would think of their end-of-year bonus and make the sale.  However, in March 2024, two disgruntled (rejected) Birkin customers filed suit in Federal court in California, alleging Hermès was in violation of US antitrust legislation by allowing only those with a “sufficient purchase history” with the company to bag a Birkin.  Essentially, the case hinges on the lure of the right to buy a Birkin being used as an inducement to spend money on shoes, jewellery, scarves and such, the carrot of the bag dangled while the stick is used to force folk to create a “purchase history”.  The suit also noted the company’s sales associates are driving the scheme, thereby gaining benefits for both themselves and Hermès, an important technical point in US antitrust law.

Hermès Birkin 3-en-1: "(1) a canvas clutch topped with the emblematic leather flap, (2) A leather tote with side straps & turnlock and (3) A clutch & tote together recreate the eternal Birkin."  The 3-en-1 is one of many current designs in the range.

Interestingly, it was further alleged the floor staff don’t earn commissions on Birkin bag sales and are instructed to use the handbags only as a device “…to coerce consumers to purchase ancillary products” while only “…those consumers who are deemed worthy of purchasing a Birkin handbag will be shown a Birkin handbag” in a private viewing room.”  Any civilian (ie a non-celebrity or not someone identified as rich) walking into the store and asking to see a Birkin is told they’re “out of stock”.  The lawsuit requested class-action status for thousands of US consumers who bought Hermès goods or were asked to buy them as a prerequisite for buying a Birkin and sought unspecified monetary damages and a court order banning Hermès’s allegedly anti-competitive practices.

A certain, brutish mystique: 1974 Holden Torana L34.

Restrictions on a right to purchase are not unusual.  Ferrari have specified that some of their low-volume models are available only to previous customers and that has sometimes demanded the prior purchase of more than one of the Italian machines.  Whether apocryphal or not, the story is that on more than one occasion, upon being informed of the clause, the buyer would at random pick a Ferrari from the showroom stock and buy it, just to qualify.  Somewhat down the automotive food chain, in 1974 when quietly Holden in Australia introduced their L34 option (a homologation package to ensure certain bits & pieces could be used in racing) for the Torana SL/R 5000, although the thing could be registered for road use, it was specified it could be bought only by holders of a certain level of competition licence issued by CAMS (the Confederation of Australian Motor Sport, then the sport's peak regulatory body).  That policy was a pre-emptive strike to ensure there would be no repetition of the moral panic stirred up two years earlier by the tabloid press which claimed the three local manufacturers were selling “160 mph (257 km/h) supercars” to the public, summoning the fear of the usual suspects (males aged 17-25) unleashing these lethal weapons on public roads.  As was often the case in moral panics, the tabloids were being economical with the truth but their campaign spooked the politicians and the manufacturers, the new generation of high-performance machinery swiftly cancelled.  Ironically, when tested, it transpired the L34 package was about durability rather than power or speed and was actually a little slower than a standard SL/R 5000 but the exotic terms & conditions (T&Cs) certainly gained it some mystique.

The Mean Girls (2004) crew on DeviantArt by SBBeauregarde in cosplay mode: Marvel Comics' Mystique.

The Mystique de la Merde 

The word mystique even has a place in what must be one of the darker corners of literary theory.  The term Mystique de la Merde dates from September 1956 when an article by Robert Elliot Fitch (1902-1986) was published in the New Republic.  Fitch was a Congregationalist minister who graduated successively from Yale (1923), the Union Theological Seminary (1926) and Columbia (1929), later becoming a professor of Christian ethics and dean of Berkeley's Pacific School of Religion but he was interested also in literary theory, often as a device by which he could explore the decline in Western society associated with God’s withdrawal from the place.  Fitch’s Mystique de la Merde wasn’t literally “the mystique of shit” but a description of what he detected in literature (and therefore life in general) as “a preoccupation with the seamier, muddier, bloodier aspects of life, as well as, excessively, with sex and money.”  Befitting the decline of civilization, Mystique de la Merde was a deliberately more vulgar version of Nostalgie de la boue (nostalgia for mud), a phrase coined in 1855 by French dramatist Émile Augier (1820–1889) meaning “an attraction for low-life culture, experience, and degradation (in individuals, institutions & culture).”

In his New Republic piece, Fitch started as he intended to continue: "…perhaps we should take note of a brand of piety which may best be characterized as the mystique de la merde. This might be rendered in English as the deification of dirt, or the apotheosis of ordure, or just plain mud mysticism.  At any rate it provides a label for a sectarian cult which appears to have attracted some of the best talent in contemporary literature."  He nominated Ernest Hemingway (1899–1961) as a founding father of the cult (he must have been tempted to call him the “high priest”) in whose writing he identified a surfeit of “…fertility, money, blood and iron."  One sex was stirred into that mix (as Hemmingway did), one has, as Fitch noted: all “…the basic ingredients of ultimate reality" as seen by the merde mystics.

Ernest Hemingway in Cuba, 1952.  F Scott Fitzgerald's (1896–1940) wife Zelda (1900–1948) described Hemmingway's novel The Sun Also Rises (1926) as "Bull fighting, bull slinging, and bullshit".  Had she lived, she may have found "Mystique de la Merde" a needless gloss.

Writing in the milieu of the beat generation writers, Fitch observed that in handling what clearly was a literary phenomenon, the critic was at some disadvantage because while writers could function on the “four letter [word] level”, “…the critic must stick to three-syllable words.”  He concluded, presumably not without regret, that: “When we have become honest, we discover that the reigning God is only a devil in disguise" and the real reason for this is that God “…has made us unhappy.”  He cites Mrs Evans in Eugene O'Neill’s (1888–1953) soliloquy heavy Strange Interlude (1928) who affirms that the only good thing is being happy: “I used to be a great one for worrying about what's God and what's devil, but I got richly over it… being punished for no sin but loving much.”  One suspects Fitch might have written a critique of the early twenty-first century with some relish.

Freemason

Freemason (pronounced free-mey-suh n)

(1) A member of a secret society (Free and Accepted Masons, constituted in London in 1717), present in many countries which operates in a cult-like manner (initial upper case and often used in the clipped form “Mason”).

(2) Historically, one of a class of skilled stoneworkers of the medieval period (lasting into the early modern era), possessing passwords and both public & secret signs, used as devices by which they could identify one another.

(3) A member of a society composed of such workers, which also included honorary members (accepted masons) not connected with stone work.

1350-1400: From the Middle English fremason.  Free was from the Middle English free, fre & freo, from the Old English frēo (free), from the Proto-West Germanic frī, from the Proto-Germanic frijaz (beloved, not in bondage), from the primitive Indo-European priHós (dear, beloved), from preyH- (to love, please); it was related to the English friend.  The verb was from the Middle English freen & freoȝen, from the Old English frēon & frēoġan (to free; make free), from the Proto-West Germanic frijōn, from the Proto-Germanic frijōną, from the primitive Indo-European preyH-.  Mason was from the Middle English masoun & machun, from the Anglo-Norman machun & masson or the Old French maçon, from the Late Latin maciō (carpenter, bricklayer), from the Frankish makjō (maker, builder), a derivative of the Frankish makōn (to work, build, make), from the primitive Indo-European mag- (to knead, mix, make), conflated with the Proto-West Germanic mattjō (cutter), from the primitive Indo-European metn- & met- (to cut).  The “mason” element of the word is uncontested.  A mason was a bricklayer (1) one whose trade was the handling, and formation of structures in stone or brick or (2) one who prepares stone for building purposes.  It later (3) became the standard short-form for a member of the fraternity of Freemasons.  However, the origin of the “free” part is contested.  Some etymologists suggest it was a corruption of the French frère (brother), from frèremaçon (brother mason) while others believe it was a reference to the masons working on “free-standing” (ie large rocks they would cut shape into smaller pieces) stones.  Most however maintain it meant “free” in the sense of them being independent of the control of local guilds or lords.  The noun freemasonry was in use by the mid-fifteenth century.  Freemason, Freemasonism & freemasonry are nouns and freemasonic is an adjective; the noun plural is Freemasons.  Unfortunately, the adjective freemasonistic and the adverb freemasonistically appear not to exist.

The origin of the freemasons was in a travelling guild of masons who wandered England offering their services to those needing stonework.  Operating in opposition to the established guilds, the freemasons (ie free from the dictates of the guilds) had a closed system of passwords, symbols and secret signs (the origin of the famously mysterious Masonic handshake) so safely they could identify each-other and ensure intruders (presumably agents of the guild) couldn’t infiltrate their midst.  In the early seventeenth century, they began accepting as honorary members even those who were not stonemasons and by the early eighteenth century the structure had had developed into the secret fraternity of affiliated lodges known as Free and Accepted Masons (often as F&AM) and as an institution the F&AM were first registered in London in 1717.

Freemason T-shirts should not be confused with other "Free" campaign clothing. 

The “accepted” refers to persons admitted to the society but not belonging to the craft and in time this became the nature of the Freemason, long removed from the actual trade of stone-working.  As an institution, the Freemasons (especially by their enemies and detractors) are often spoken of as if something monolithic but the only truly common thread is the name although most do (at least officially) subscribe to a creed of “brotherly love, faith, and charity”.  Structurally, they’re nothing like the Roman Catholic Church with its headquarters and single figure of ultimate authority and are a looser affiliation even than the “worldwide Anglican community” where the spiritual “authority” of the Archbishop of Canterbury is now wholly symbolic.  The Freemasons are more schismatic still and can’t even be compared to the loosest of confederations because their basic organizational units, the lodges, operate with such autonomy that one might not be on speaking terms with one in the next suburb and each may even deny that the other is legitimately Masonic.

Despite that, the conspiracy theorists have often been interested in the Masons because they can be treated as if they are monolithic and it is true that as recently as the second half of the twentieth century there were many entities (notably police forces) where there was an unusual preponderance of Masons in prominent positions and in one force, for decades, by mutual consent, the position of commissioner alternated between a Roman Catholic and a Freemason.  In Europe, it wasn’t uncommon for the Masons to be grouped with the Jews as the source of all that was corrupt in society and some satirists made a troupe of “the Freemasons and the Jews” being at the bottom of every evil scheme, cooked up either at lodge or synagogue.  One who needed no convincing was Adolf Hitler (1889-1945; Führer (leader) and German head of government 1933-1945 & head of state 1934-1945) who perceived a  Masonic plot be behind the overthrow of Benito Mussolini (1883-1945; Duce (leader) & prime-minister of Italy 1922-1943) in 1943.

Reinhard Heydrich (second from left, back to camera) conducting a tour of the SS Freemasonry Museum, Berlin, 1935.

The Nazis enjoyed curiously diverse interactions with the Freemasons.  During his trial in Nuremberg in 1945-1946 Hermann Göring (1893–1946; leading Nazi 1922-1945, Hitler's designated successor & Reichsmarschall 1940-1945) told the International Military Tribunal (IMT) that it was only an accident of history he was in the dock because in 1922 he was on his way “…to join the Freemasons when I was distracted by a toothy blonde.”  Had he joined the brotherhood, he claimed, he’d never have been able to join the Nazi Party because it proscribed Freemasonry.  During the same proceedings, Hjalmar Schacht (1877–1970; President of the German Central Bank (Reichsbank) 1933–1939 and Nazi Minister of Economics 1934–1937) said that even while serving the Third Reich he never deviated from his belief in the principles of “international Freemasonry”.  Although the US primary judge on the IMT (Francis Biddle (1886–1968) was a confessed Freemason, it's thought a mere coincidence Göring (who didn't join the cult) was sentenced to be hanged while Schacht (who championed Freemasonry from the dock) was acquitted.

Nazi anti-Freemason propaganda, a poster first issued in Stuttgart, 1935.  The heading translates as: World politics World revolution with the lower text being: Freemasonry is an international organization beholden to Jewry with the political goal of establishing Jewish domination through world-wide revolution.  The map, adorned with Masonic symbols, highlights the revolutions in Europe between the French (1789) and German (1919) Revolutions.  In the same way the Nazis conflated Bolshevism with Judaism, the Freemasons were depicted as part of the “Jewish conspiracy”.

Upon coming to power, the Nazis certainly took that proscription seriously but the suppression of Freemasonry was not unique, the party looking to stamp out all institutions which could be an alternative source of people’s allegiances or sources of ideas.  This included youth organizations, trade unions and other associations, their attitude something like that of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) to the Falun Gong and the two authoritarian parties were similarly pragmatic in dealing with the mainstream churches which were regulated and controlled, it being realized their support was such that eradication would have to wait.  By 1935, the Nazis considered the “Freemason problem” solved and the SS even created a “Freemason Museum” on Berlin’s Prinz-Albrecht-Palais (conveniently close to Gestapo headquarters) to exhibit the relics of the “vanished cult”.  SS-Obergruppenführer (Lieutenant-General) Reinhard Heydrich (1904–1942; head of the Reich Security Main Office 1939-1942) originally included the Freemasons on his list of archenemies of National Socialism which, like Bolshevism, he considered an internationalist, anti-fascist Zweckorganisation (expedient organization) of Jewry.  According to Heydrich, Masonic lodges were under Jewish control and while appearing to organize social life “…in a seemingly harmless way, were actually instrumentalizing people for the purposes of Jewry”.

The Australian arm of Rupert Murdoch’s (b 1931) media empire has become essentially the propaganda unit of the Liberal Party of Australia.  In 2018 Brisbane’s Murdoch-owned Courier-Mail (known to sceptical locals as the “Curious Snail”) was able to run a gushing puff-piece on Peter Dutton (b 1970; leader of the opposition and leader of the Australian Liberal Party since May 2022), headed (left) by a statement from his wife Kirilly (b 1974): “He is not a monster.”  People might give him the benefit of the doubt on that one but the Courier-Mail has never been able to run the one on the right because neither Mr Dutton or his wife have ever denied he’s a Freemason.

A depiction of Peter Dutton in the regalia of a Freemason Grand Master (digitally altered image).  Note the apron worn beneath the jacket, a style unique to The Ancient and Accepted Scottish Rite of Freemasonry.

One institution which has for almost three centuries proscribed Freemasonry is the Roman Catholic Church although that official position has run in parallel with a notable Catholic membership in many lodges.  The ban was both explicit and often expressed up until the pontificate of Pius XII (1876-1958; pope 1939-1958) but after the Second Vatican Council (Vatican II; 1962-1965), the winds of change seemed to blow in other directions and in recent years from Rome, there’s been barely a mention of Freemasonry, the feeling probably that issues like secularism, abortion, homosexuality, radical Islam and such were more immediate threats.  It was thus a surprise to many when on 13 November 2023 the Vatican's Dicastery for the Doctrine of the Faith (the DDF, the latest name for the Inquisition) reaffirmed the Church's teachings that laity or clerics participating in Freemasonry are in "a state of grave sin."  The DDF didn’t repeat the words of Clement XII (1652–1740; pope 1730-1740) who in 1738 called Masonry “depraved and perverted” but did say: “On the doctrinal level, it should be remembered that active membership in Freemasonry by a member of the faithful is forbidden because of the irreconcilability between Catholic doctrine and Freemasonry", citing Declaration on Masonic Associations (1983) by Benedict XVI (1927–2022; pope 2005-2013, pope emeritus 2013-2022) when, as Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, he was head of the DDF (then called the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith (CDF)).  Continuing in a way which recalled the ways of the Inquisition, ominously the DDF added: “Therefore, those who are formally and knowingly enrolled in Masonic Lodges and have embraced Masonic principles fall under the provisions in the above-mentioned Declaration. These measures also apply to any clerics enrolled in Freemasonry.”

Liz Truss (b 1975; UK prime-minister Sep-Oct 2022) who "says what we're all thinking".

Apparently, the DDF issued the document in response to concerns raised by a bishop in the Philippines who reported a growing interest in the secret society in his country.  That was interesting in that cultural anthropologists have noted the form of Catholic worship in the Philippines was in some ways a hybrid which merged the Western tradition with the local rituals the Spanish priests who accompanied the colonists found were hard to suppress.  It proved a happy compromise and the faith flourished but one of the Vatican’s objections to Freemasonry has long been that the society swears oaths of secrecy, fellowship and fraternity among members and has accumulated a vast catalogue of rituals, ceremonial attire and secret signals.  It has always made the church uneasy that these aesthetic affectations often use Christian imagery despite being used for non-Christian rituals.  Indeed, it’s not a requirement of membership that one be a Christian or even to affirm a belief in the God of Christianity or Jesus Christ as the savior or mankind and the secret nature of so much Masonic ritualism has given rise to the suspicion of the worship of false idols.  Of relevance too is the existence of the complex hierarchy of titles within Masonism which could be interpreted as a kind of parallel priesthood.

Pope Francis (b 1936; pope since 2013) is fighting a war which he hopes will set the course of the church for the next generation.  Before it could commence in anger he had to wait for the death of Benedict but the battle is now on and it’s against a cabal of recalcitrant cardinals and theologians (“the finest minds of the thirteenth century” he’s rumored to call them) who are appalled at any deviation from established orthodoxy in doctrine, ritual or form, regarding such (at least between themselves), as heresy.  Quite where the DDF’s re-statement of the 300 year old policy of prohibition of Freemasonry fits into that internecine squabble isn’t clear and it may be the interest aroused surprised even the DDF which may simply have been issuing a routine authoritative clarification in response to a bishop’s request.  Certainly nothing appears to have changed in terms of the consequences and the interpretation by some that the revisions to canon law made some years were in some way substantive in this matter appear to have been wrong.

Escutcheons of the Holy See (left) and the Secret Society of the Les Clefs d’Or (right).

Interestingly, the DDF (nor any other iteration of the Inquisition) has never moved to proscribe the Secret Society of the Les Clefs d’Or (The Golden Keys; the international association of hotel concierges.  This is despite the organization being structurally similar to the Freemasons and the similarities between their escutcheon and that of the Holy See are quite striking.  According to the DDF, the crossed keys are a symbol of the Papacy's authority and power, the keys representing the "keys of heaven" that were in the New Testament passed from Jesus Christ to Saint Peter.  In Roman Catholic tradition, Peter was appointed by Jesus as the first Pope and given the keys to symbolize his authority to forgive sins and to make decisions binding on behalf of the Church (this the theological basis of what in canon law was codified in the nineteenth century as papal infallibility).  The two keys thus symbolize the pope's two powers: (1) spiritual power (represented by the silver key) and (2) temporal power (represented by the gold key).  The latter power manifested in a most temporal manner during the thousand-odd years (between the eighth & nineteenth centuries) when the authority of the papal absolute theocracy extended to rule and govern the Papal States (which were interpolated into the modern state of Italy upon Italian unification (1859-1870).  Claiming (officially) only temporal dominion, the Secret Society of the Les Clefs d'Or logo depicts both their keys in gold, one said to symbolize the concierge's role in unlocking the doors to the world for their guests, the other their ability to unlock the secrets of their destination and provide insider knowledge and recommendations (restaurant bookings, airport transfers, "personal service workers" of all types etc).  However, neither the Vatican nor the Les Clefs d’Or have ever denied intelligence-sharing, covert operations, common rituals or other links.

In an indication they'll stop at nothing, the Freemasons have even stalked Lindsay Lohan.  In 2011, Ms Lohan was granted a two-year restraining order against alleged stalker David Cocordan, the order issued some days after she filed complaint with police who, after investigation by their Threat Management Department, advised the court Mr Cocordan (who at the time had been using at least five aliases) “suffered from schizophrenia”, was “off his medication” and had a "significant psychiatric history of acting on his delusional beliefs.”  That was worrying enough but Ms Lohan may have revealed her real concerns in an earlier post on twitter in which she included a picture of David Cocordan, claiming he was "the freemason stalker that has been threatening to kill me- while he is TRESPASSING!"  Obviously, being stalked by the Freemasons is bad enough but the thought of being hunted by a schizophrenic Freemason truly is frightening.  Apparently an unexplored matter in the annals of psychiatry, it seems the question of just how schizophrenia might particularly manifest in Freemasons awaits research so there may be a Ph.D there for someone.  Just as intriguing of course is whether the Masonic assassin was sent by the Freemasons to murder Lindsay Lohan and the "schizophrenic" story was concocted just to conceal the cult's involvement and there are precedents for such theories.  In May 1941, after Rudolf Hess (1894–1987; Nazi Deputy Führer 1933-1941) flew to Scotland in a private diplomatic venture to negotiate an end to hostilities between the UK and Germany, the Nazi government quickly issued a statement claiming the trip was unauthorized and Hess had gone mad (the last bit they phrased rather more delicately).  For decades, conspiracy theorists did suggest Adolf Hitler (1889-1945; Führer (leader) and German head of government 1933-1945 & head of state 1934-1945) had authorized the flight by the "motorized Parsifal" and denied prior knowledge only once it was clear the mission had failed (and Hess in the note he left did say "madness" could be a suitable cover story in such circumstances) but the consensus among historians is Hess acted alone although his motivation remains a matter of debate.  Once the Nazi's story of Hess being "mad" was digested, Berlin's cynical humor soon surfaced and a joke circulated having the erstwhile Deputy Führer introduced to Winston Churchill (1875-1965; UK prime-minister 1940-1945 & 1951-1955) who said to him: "So you're the madman", to which Hess replied: "No, I'm only his deputy."             

The problem Ms Lohan identified has long been known (the fear of Freemasons and the cult of Freemasonry is the linguistically unremarkable "masonphobia" and it's reasonable to assume that since a schizophrenic Freemason tried to murder her, Ms Lohan has been masonphobic).  In the US, between 1828-1838 there was an Anti-Mason political party which is remembered now as one of the first of the “third parties” which over the decades have often briefly flourished before either fading away or being absorbed into one side or the other of what has for centuries tended towards two-party stability.  Its initial strength was that it was obsessively a single-issue party which enabled it rapidly to gather support but that proved ultimately it’s weakness because it never adequately developed the broader policy platform which would have attracted a wider membership.  The party was formed in reaction to the disappearance (and presumed murder) of a former Mason who had turned dissident and become a most acerbic critic and the suspicion arose that the Masonic establishment had arranged his killing to silence his voice.  They attracted much support, including from many church leaders who had long been suspicious of Freemasonry and were not convinced the organization was anything but anti-Christian.  Because the Masons were a most secretive cult and conducted their meetings in private, their opponents tended to invent stories about the rituals and ceremonies (doing stuff with goats often mentioned) so the myths grew.  Those myths clearly were potent enough to secure some electoral success and the Anti-Masons even ran William Wirt (1772-1834 and still the nation’s longest-serving attorney-general (1817-1829)) as their candidate in the 1832 presidential election where he won 7.8% of the popular vote and carried Vermont, a reasonable achievement for a third-party candidate.  Ultimately though, that proved the electoral high-water mark and most of its members thereafter were absorbed by the embryonic Whig Party.

Peugeot 504 sedan in metallic gray.

The Roman Catholic Church is a institution with a two-thousand year history and whatever happens in the flow of tributaries, in the upper reaches, things change slowly but there are shifts as circumstances compel and what seems to have evolved between the pontificates of Pius XII and Francis is the view the greatest threats to Christendom are no longer "Communism, homosexuality & Freemasonry" but are now "Islam, homosexuality & Freemasonry".  To reinforce the fears the two ancient foes evoke in the Vatican, the matter of Archbishop Paul Marcinkus (1922–2006; president of the Institute for the Works of Religion (the "Vatican Bank") 1971-1989) must have confirmed in the mind of many there must be some connection between the two.  The archbishop was gay which was nothing unusual among the bishops and cardinals in the Vatican (indeed it’s probably unusual not to be gay in such circles) but even in that colourful milieu his sexual appetite was considered “in the upper range” and his fondness for Swiss Guards was both well known and the subject of some mirth among the Curia; often the archbishop would "lend" his Peugeot 504 (in metallic gray with a "lovely leather" interior) to his favourite Swiss Guards to use on their expeditions for this and that.  Highlights of the archbishop’s life included (1) being for a time ensconced behind the Vatican walls and protected by diplomatic immunity to ensure he’d not have to face interrogation from the various authorities interested in matters related to certain transactions at the Vatican Bank, (2) being associated with Italian banker Roberto Calvi (1920–1982), chairman of the bank Banco Ambrosiano (which collapsed in 1982) and known as Banchiere di Dio (God's Banker); found hanged from the scaffolding under London's Blackfriars Bridge) and (3) being accused of complicity in the murder of Pope John Paul I (1912–1978; pope August-September 1978).  There’s no compelling evidence the 33 day pontificate of JPI ended with his murder and nor is there anything but “a bit of circumstantial” suggest Marcinkus may have been involved.  Most historians concluded JPI died from natural causes and the marvellous conspiracy theory hinges on the suggestion the pope was planning to institute reforms in the Vatican Bank which had been linked to financial corruption involving the Banco Ambrosiano and the Propaganda Due (P2) Masonic Lodge.

Archbishop Marcinkus (far left) & Paul VI (1897-1978; pope 1963-1978, centre left) meet US Baptist preacher & civil rights activist Reverend Dr Martin Luther King Jr (1929–1968, centre right) & US Baptist preacher & civil rights activist Reverend Ralph Abernathy Sr (1926–1990, far right), the Vatican, 18 November 1964.  The US delegation was on the Rome leg of a European tour.

Even by the standards of the cult, the P2 Masonic Lodge was secretive which was understandable given how deeply it was involved in political corruption, financial irregularities and organized crime and finally it was banned in 1981 after the extent of its criminality became just too much for elements within the Italian state to continue the protection for years provided.  Founded in 1945, P2 originally was just another Masonic lodge under the Grand Orient of Italy but it came under the control of businessman and fascist Licio Gelli (1919–2015) who became Venerable Master and transformed it into a kind of shadow state.  In the manner Masons have practiced for centuries, P2 infiltrated institutions and recruited influential figures including politicians (including then media figure Silvio Berlusconi (1936-2023; prime minister of Italy 1994-1995, 2001-2006 & 2008-2011), military officers, judges, journalists and businessmen, most with some degree of fascist sympathy.  Essentially, P2’s agenda was a kind of “MIGA” (Make Italy Great Again) program and in the way these things are done, their plan for a latter day Il Risorgimento (Resurgence, the nineteenth century movement which culminated in the unification of Italy (1961)) their project, although presented as a “Plan for Democratic Rebirth” was actually a plot to undermine democracy and take control of the government.  P2 deeply was implicated in the scandals swirling around the Vatican Bank and the collapse of Banco Ambrosiano in 1982 and when finally investigated, almost a thousand officials and others were found to have ties to the cult; the prime minister, Arnaldo Forlani (1925–2023; Prime Minister of Italy 1980-1981), was compelled to resign although at the time of his death he was both the oldest living and longest-lived Italian prime minister so there was that.  As the scandal unfolded, Venerable Master Licio Gelli was expelled from the Masons (presumably because he’d committed the unforgivable sin of “being caught”) and arrested, triggering years of court cases, escapes from custody, hiding in other countries and pleading not guilty.  In the Italian way, despite receiving long sentences he spent very little time in prison and by 2003 seemed content P2 had in a way succeeded because the “democratic rebirth plan” was “being implemented by Silvio Berlusconi”.