Bathtub

Bathtub (pronounced bath-tuhb or bahth-tuhb)

(1) A tub in which to bathe, variations including permanent installations (either built-in fixtures or free-standing units) in a bathroom and (now less commonly in the developed world) portable constructions (historically of metal or timber although for military and outdoor use, foldable bathtubs (of leather or canvas) have a long history).

(2) An automotive style (most common in the 1950s) in which the bodywork resembled an upturned bathtub.

1825–1835: The construct was bath + tub and the previous related word was “wash-tub”, dating from the turn of the seventeenth century.  Bath was from the Middle English bath & baþ, from the Old English bæþ (bath), from the Proto-West Germanic baþ, from the Proto-Germanic baþą (bath), from the primitive Indo-European root bhē- (to warm).  The corresponding inherited verbs were bathe & beath.  The Old English bæð (“an immersing of the body in water, mud, etc” or “a quantity of water etc., for bathing”) was from the Proto-Germanic badan (the source also of the Old Frisian beth, the Old Saxon bath, the Old Norse bað, the Middle Dutch bat and the German Bad), also from the primitive Indo-European root bhē- with the appended –thuz (the Germanic suffix indicating “act, process, condition” (as in “birth”; “death”)). The etymological sense is of heating, not immersing.  Tub was from the late fourteenth century Middle English tubbe & tobbe (open wooden vessel made of staves), from the Middle Dutch & Middle Flemish tubbe or the Middle Low German tubbe & tobbe, of uncertain origin.  Etymologists have concluded there’s no link with the Latin tubus or the English tube but it was related to the Old High German zubar (vessel with two handles, wine vessel) and the German Zuber.  In the seventeenth century tub was slang for “pulpit”, thus since the 1660s a “tub-thumper” was a particularly forceful preacher who literally “thumped his fists on the pulpit” to emphasize some point; the use was later extended beyond the church to politicians and others who spoke in a loud or dramatic way.  The English city in the county of Somerset (in Old English it was Baðun) was so called from its hot springs.  The convention now probably is to refer to any permanently installed unit as a “bath”, a bathtub something portable.  The word can appear both as bath tub and bath-tub.  Bathtub is a noun and bathtubby is an adjective (bathtubesque & bathtubbish (resembling or characteristic of a bathtub) were jocular constructions); the noun plural is bathtubs.

Lindsay Lohan with claw-footed bathtub, music video release of Confessions of a Broken Heart (Daughter to Father) (2005).

A “bathtub cockpit” is a cockpit with recessed seating, so that a pilot or driver is sitting in a bathtub-shaped space.  It was often seen in aircraft but the classic example was that used in the delicate, cigar-shape voiturettes built to contest the Formula One World Championship during the 1.5 litre era (1961-1965).  The bathtub curve is a concept from reliability engineering, describing a particular form of the hazard function taking into account three categories of failure rate.  As a theoretical model it assumes the shape of a bathtub (sectioned in the middle and viewed from the side), the three regions being (1) a decreasing failure rate due to early failures, (2) a constant failure rate due to random failures and (3) an increasing failure rate due to wear-out failures.  The slang term “bathtub gin” is a US prohibition era (1919–1933) term to refer to a gin (or other spirit) of such dubious quality it suggests it may have been distilled by an unskilled amateur in their bathtub.  It’s a similar form to “gutrot”, “moonshine” etc and was applied sometimes to any form of illicit alcohol and not just distilled spirit.  “Bathtub racing” literally describes bathtubs being raced.  One of sports more obscure niches, the variations have included (modified) bathtubs being rowed or sailed on waterways or raced on land (either powered, pushed or run on downhill courses.  In economics, the “bathtub theorem” is the charming illustration of the idea that capital accumulation = production - consumption.  The metaphor is that of the water running from the taps (production) and that exiting from the plughole (consumption).  That seems obvious but where the inflow is too great for the capacity of the plughole, the water in the tub (capital) overflows, flooding the place, an elegant explanation of the effects of over-production which can induce recessions or depressions.

Admiral Sir Reginald Aylmer Ranfurly Plunkett-Ernle-Erle-Drax KCB.  Lest it be thought multi-element names are a thing exclusive to the British Isles, they exist elsewhere, an example of which was the German Count Graf Philipp-Constantin Eduard Siegmund Clemens Tassilo Tobias von Berckheim (1924-1984).

In the intricate hierarchy of the UK’s honours system, The Most Honourable Order of the Bath is an order of chivalry dating from 1725 and the name really is derived from the use of a bathtub, the reference being to the medieval ceremony under which knighthoods were conferred, bathing being a symbol of purification.  More than most British honours, the Order of the Bath has a tangled history, at times limited to the military and with various restrictions on the numbers of members.  One thing which was once constant however was that recipients were entitled to the post-nominal letters “KB” after their name.  This changed in 1815 when the order was re-organized into three classes: Knight Grand Cross (GCB), Knight Commander (KCB) & Companion (CB) and the transition was handled effortlessly by the experts but one thing which these days annoys those who worry about such things (and there are a few) is that inexpert journalists and others not do sometimes attach a KB to a Knight Bachelor.  The Knight Bachelor actually attracts no post-nominal letters; it’s a kind of “entry-level” knighthood and recipients are not inducted as a member of one of the orders of chivalry (although there have been plenty of awards of the latter to those whose lives have been far removed from the chivalrous, not all of them from the colonies or Dominions).  The Order of the Bath also provided one of the amusing anecdotes in the unpromising field of diplomatic protocol.  In 1939, when Admiral Sir Reginald Aylmer Ranfurly Plunkett-Ernle-Erle-Drax KCB (1880-1967) was introduced at a ceremony in Moscow, protocol required his honors be read out in full, the Russian translator rendering his KCB as рыцарь умывальник (rytsar' umyval'nik) (Knight of the Wash Tub).  The Russians honor guard couldn’t help but laugh and fortunately, the admiral shared their amusement.

In December 1917, the US satirist & critic HL Mencken (1880–1956) published a fictitious history of the bathtub.  Intended as an amusing hoax, the story was so convincing that quickly it wildly was promulgated, appearing even in reference works and medical journals.  Around a century later, a similar hoax was perpetrated when a university student edited the electric toaster’s Wikipedia page, claiming it had been invented by a wholly factitious Scottish scientist.  The technique was exactly the same as Mencken’s: use the dry factual approach (ie the classic Wikipedia template) and it remained on-line for some years, presumably because the origin of the toaster is not a matter of great interest or controversy.

1949 Nash Ambassador (left), Evelyn Ay (1933–2008), Miss America 1954, in her “bathtub” Nash Rambler (the official car of the beauty pageant) (centre) and 1957 Nash Ambassador which still showed the legacy of the earlier, more extravagant bathtub styling cues.

The best remembered of the “bathtub” cars were first built in the late 1940s by manufacturers introducing their first genuinely new post-war lines (most of the cars produced in 1945-1946 were slightly updated versions of those which had last been made early in 1942).  Within the industry, engineers first called the motif “envelope styling” but the more evocative (and certainly more accurate because an up-turned bathtub came to mind more than an envelope) “bathtub” quickly became the preferred slang.  Echoes of the lines which became familiar in the next decade can be seen in some of the low-volume and experimental bodies seen in the 1920s & 1930s, many an evolution of the realization the “teardrop” shape was close to aerodynamically optimal (at least on paper, the implications of lift and down-force then not widely understood).  Among the large US manufacturers, Nash and Hudson pursued the bathtub style to its most extreme and persisted the longest.  In the early 1950s, the aerodynamic advantages were apparent and combined with the inherently good weight-distribution afforded by their low-slung “step-down” construction, the Hudson Hornet dominated NASCAR racing between 1951-1954, despite its straight-six engine having both less power and displacement than some of the competition.  Except for the odd quirky niche, the bathtub styling didn’t make it into the 1960s and nor did the Nash & Hudson nameplates, the former in 1954 absorbing the latter to created AMC (American Motor Corporation) and in 1957, both brand-names were retired.

Evolution of the Porsche “bathtub” style 1948-1965, the lines of the original a direct descendant of a pre-war racing car.  1948 Porsche 356-001 (the Gmünd Roadster) (top), 1955 Porsche 356 pre-A 1500 Speedster (centre) and 1965 Porsche 356SC Coupé (bottom).  Although the “bathtub” motif was abandoned with the end of 356 production, the 356’s contribution to the lines of the 911 (introduced in 1964 as the 901) is obvious and in the sixty-odd years since, stylistically, not much has changed.

Closet

Closet (pronounced kloz-it)

(1) A small room, enclosed recess, cupboard or cabinet for storing clothing, food, utensils etc.

(2) A small private room, especially one used for prayer, meditation etc.

(3) A state or condition of secrecy or carefully guarded privacy.

(4) A clipping of “closet of ease” and later “water closet” (WC), early names for the flushing loo (toilet; lavatory; privy with a waste-pipe and means to carry off the discharge by a flush of water).

(5) Of or pertaining to that which is private; secluded or concealed; undertaken unobserved and in isolation.

(6) To shut up in a private room for some purpose.

(7) A private room used by women to groom and dress themselves (obsolete).

(8) A private room used for prayer or other devotions (archaic).

(9) A place of (usually either fanciful or figurative in that typically it referred to the state of thought rather than where it took place) contemplation and theorizing (archaic).

(10) The private residence or private council chamber of a monarch accompanied by a staff establishment (page of the chamber; clerk of the closet etc) and related to the bedchamber (archaic).

(11) In a church, a pew or side-chapel reserved for a monarch or feudal lord (regarded as obsolete but the concept endures in that the order of precedence is often used when seating is allocated for ceremonial events conducted in churches).

(12) In heraldry, an ordinary similar to a bar but half the width.

(13) A sewer (Scots dialectical, now obsolete).

1300-1350: From the Middle English closet (a small private room for study or prayer), from the Old French closet (small enclosure, private room), the construct being clos (private space; enclosure) +‎ -et (the suffix used to form diminutives), from the Latin clausum (closed space, enclosure, confinement), the neuter past participle of claudere (to shut).  In French, it tended to be applied to small, open-air enclosures.  The suffix –et was from the Middle English -et, from the Old French –et & its feminine variant -ette, from the Late Latin -ittus (and the other gender forms -itta & -ittum).  It was used to form diminutives, loosely construed.  Some European languages picked up the Old French spelling while others used variations including Czech (klozet) & Spanish (clóset).  Closets can be tiny or fair-sized rooms so the appropriate synonym depends on context and architecture and might include: cabinet, container, locker, room, vault, wardrobe, bin, buffet, depository, receptacle, recess, repository, safe, sideboard, walk-in, ambry, chest of drawers & cold storage.  Closet is a noun, verb & adjective, closeting is a verb (which some dispute) & adjective (plural closets) and closeting is a noun & verb.  The noun plural is closets.

The adjective dates from the 1680s in the sense of “private, done in seclusion”, extended by 1782 as "fitted only for scholarly seclusion, not adapted to the conditions of practical life" (ie in the sense of the “ivory tower”).  The meaning "secret, not public, unknown" was first applied to alcoholism in the early 1950s but by the 1970s had come to be used principally of homosexuality.  This, and the earlier forms (closet anarchist, closet alcoholic, closet Freemason, closet smoker etc) were all based on the idiomatic “skeleton in the closet” (which existed also as “skeleton in the cupboard”), describing some undisclosed fact which, if revealed would cause reputational damage (or worse) to a person.  Literally, the imagery summoned was of someone with a human corpse secreted in a closet in their house, one which had sat there so long the flesh had decomposed to the bone.  The earliest known appearance in print was in 1816 but it’s not known how long it’d been in oral use and it usually implied culpability for some serious offence though not necessarily anything involving a corpse.

Lindsay Lohan's walk-in closet.  To optimize space utilization, the hangers are very thin and covered with black velvet to ensure no fabrics are marked.  In a well-organized closet, items can be arranged in a number of ways such as color, season or type and some do it by manufacturer, the name of the label printed on rail-tags.

The phrase “come out of the closet” (admit something openly) was first recorded 1963 and the use rapidly became exclusive to homosexuals and lent a new meaning to the word “out”.  This meaning itself became nuanced: “To come out” (openly avowing one's homosexuality) emerged as a phrase in the 1960s and was an overtly political statement (obviously different from the earlier “a confessed homosexual” whereas “outing” and “outed” came to be used in the 1970s to refer to people making the homosexuality of others public knowledge.  Outing became controversial because of the argument (made sometimes by those within the gay community) that it was justified if exposing hypocrisy (usually a conservative politician who publicly condemned homosexuality while in private indulging in the practice).  In Spanish use (most notably in Latin America) the noun clóset is used to refer to the state of being secretly gay (from salir del clóset), the plural being clósets.

Lindsay Lohan in part of her walk-in closet, here choosing what to pack for an appearance at the Cannes Film Festival, May 2014.

The verb closet (shut up as in a closet) was originally usually for purposes of concealment or private consultation and dates from the 1680s.  The water closet (WC and described also in the delightful phrase “closet of ease”) was the ancestor of the familiar modern loo (toilet; lavatory; privy with a waste-pipe and means to carry off the discharge by a flush of water), the term first used in 1755 and later perfected by the famous plumber, Mr Thomas Crapper.  The phrase “walk-in” was used first in the 1890s as a slang term by hotel check-in clerks to refer to those arriving without a reservation (it’s now a standard statistical category in hotels) and by 1928 was used in many forms of commerce to mean “customer who arrived without an appointment”.  The “walk-in closet” was first advertised in the US in 1946 where it described a built-in wardrobe large enough to walk into, some equipped with mirrors, tables, chairs etc).

The Gay Bob Doll

Gay Bob; note the man-bag.

There’s evidence that for much of human existence, homosexuality has been at least widely tolerated and often accepted but in the West, under the influence of the Christian churches, it came to attract much disapprobation though even in the nineteenth century there were those who (without much success) campaigned for legislative and social change, the odd self-declared homosexual sometimes urging others to out themselves.  However, it wasn’t until the 1960s that the still embryonic “gay liberation” movement understood that “coming out en masse” was of importance because with critical mass came political influence.  Social attitudes did change and it was perhaps an indication of acceptance that in 2005 the cartoon show South Park could run an episode called Trapped in the Closet in which the Scientologist film star Tom Cruise (b 1962) refuses to come out of a closet.  Not discouraged by the threat of writs, South Park later featured an episode in which the actor worked in a confectionery factory packing fudge.  Attitudes and legislative changes didn't always move in unison and things unfolded gradually but that process was still incomplete when, in 1977, the Gay Bob doll was released.

Clothes and accessories were available, including those for dressing the “gay farmer”.

The winds of change were clearly blowing by 1977 because in that year Harvey Milk (1930–1978; member of the San Francisco Board of Supervisors, 1978) became the first openly gay man elected to public office in California (and it’ll never be known how many of his predecessors were still in the closet).  However, if Milk was out of the closet, Gab Bob came neatly packaged in his own (cardboard) closet buyers able to out him and put him back as required.  Designed to look like popular film stars of the era, Gay Bob’s creator described the doll as perfect for “…an executive’s desk, dash board ornament, the attaché case, the bathtub rim or a health club gym bag”, a notable feature was the doll’s “anatomical correctness”, presumably a sales feature but one which necessitated production being out-sourced to Hong-Kong because US manufacturers declined the contract. 

Gay Bob stepping out of the closet.

Just so there were no misunderstandings, Gay Bob was supplied with a fashion catalog which contained an explanation:  Hi boys, girls and grownups, I’m Gay Bob, the world’s first gay doll.  I bet you are wondering why I come packed in a closet. “Coming out of the closet” is an expression which means that you admit the truth about yourself and are no longer ashamed of what you are.  Gay people are no different than straight people.  If everyone came out of their closets, there wouldn’t be so many angry, frustrated, frightened people.  It’s not easy to be honest about what you are, in fact it takes a great deal of courage.  But remember, if Gay Bob has the courage to come out of his closet, so can you!

Popular since the nineteenth century, mail-order was the on-line shopping of the analogue era.

Conservative activists were of course appalled by Gay Bob, his anatomical correctness and his threateningly optimistic message, describing it all as “a threat to family values” and more “…evidence of the desperation the homosexual campaign has reached in its effort to put homosexual lifestyle, which is a death style, across to the American people”.  The forces of capitalism either agreed or were unwilling to risk a backlash because attempts have the big department stores stock Gay Bob on their shelves were unsuccessful so the doll was sold via mail order, advertisements placed in gay magazines.  One doll cost US$19.50 (including shipping and handling within the US) while a pair could be purchased at a discounted US$35 (and to take advantage of the anatomical correctness, buying a brace was presumably in vogue.  Over two thousand were sold within months and in liberal New York and San Francisco, some boutiques would later carry the product.  Something of a footnote to the LGBTQQIAAOP timeline, Gay Bob is a now a collector’s item, examples in good condition realizing over US$200 at on-line auction sites and of course, those with a pristine, un-violated closet will command a premium.

Beetle

Beetle (pronounced beet-l)

(1) Any of numerous insects of the order Coleoptera, having biting mouthparts and characterized by hard, horny forewings modified to form shell-like protective elytra forewings that cover and protect the membranous flight wings.

(2) Used loosely, any of various insects resembling true beetles.

(3) A game of chance in which players attempt to complete a drawing of a beetle, different dice rolls allowing them to add the various body parts.

(4) A heavy hammering or ramming instrument, usually of wood, used to drive wedges, force down paving stones, compress loose earth etc.

(5) A machine in which fabrics are subjected to a hammering process while passing over rollers, as in cotton mills; used to finish cloth and other fabrics, they’re known also as a “beetling machine”

(6) To use a beetle on; to drive, ram, beat or crush with a beetle; to finish cloth or other fabrics with a beetling machine.

(7) In slang, quickly to move; to scurry (mostly UK), used also in the form “beetle off”.

(8) Something projecting, jutting out or overhanging (used to describe geological formation and, in human physiology, often in the form beetle browed).

(9) By extension, literally or figuratively, to hang or tower over someone in a threatening or menacing manner.

(10) In slang, the original Volkswagen and the later retro-model, based on the resemblance (in silhouette) of the car to the insect; used with and without an initial capital; the alternative slang “bug” was also analogous with descriptions of the insects.

Pre 900: From the late Middle English bittil, bitil, betylle & bityl, from the Old English  bitula, bitela, bītel & bīetel (beetle (and apparently originally meaning “little biter; biting insect”)), from bēatan (to beat) (and related to bitela, bitel & betl, from bītan (to bite) & bitol (teeth)), from the Proto-West Germanic bitilō & bītil, from the Proto-Germanic bitilô & bītilaz (that which tends to bite, biter, beetle), the construct being bite +‎ -le.  Bite was from the Middle English biten, from the Old English bītan (bite), from the Proto-West Germanic bītan, from the Proto-Germanic bītaną (bite), from the primitive Indo-European bheyd- (split) and the -le suffix was from the Middle English -elen, -len & -lien, from the Old English -lian (the frequentative verbal suffix), from the Proto-Germanic -lōną (the frequentative verbal suffix) and was cognate with the West Frisian -elje, the Dutch -elen, the German -eln, the Danish -le, the Swedish -la and the Icelandic -la.  It was used as a frequentative suffix of verbs, indicating repetition or continuousness.  The forms in Old English were cognate with the Old High German bicco (beetle), the Danish bille (beetle), the Icelandic bitil & bitul (a bite, bit) and the Faroese bitil (small piece, bittock).

In architecture, what was historically was the "beetle brow" window is now usually called "the eyebrow".  A classic example of a beetle-brow was that of Rudolf Hess (1894–1987; Nazi deputy führer 1933-1941).  

Beetle in the sense of the tool used to work wood, stonework, fabric etc also dates from before 900 and was from the Middle English betel & bitille (mallet, hammer), from the Old English bītel, bētel & bȳtel which was cognate with the Middle Low German bētel (chisel), from bēatan & bētan (beat) and related to the Old Norse beytill (penis).  The adjectival sense applied originally to human physiology (as beetle-browed) and later extended to geological formations (as a back-formation of beetle-browed) and architecture where it survives as the “eyebrow” window constructions mounted in sloping roofs.  The mid-fourteenth century Middle English bitelbrouwed (grim-browed, sullen (literally “beetle-browed”)) is thought to have been an allusion to the many beetles with bushy antennae, the construct being the early thirteenth century bitel (in the sense of "sharp-edged, sharp" which was probably a compound from the Old English bitol (biting, sharp) + brow, which in Middle English meant "eyebrow" rather than "forehead."  Although the history of use in distant oral traditions is of course murky, it may be from there that the Shakespearean back-formation (from Hamlet (1602)) in the sense of "project, overhang" was coined, perhaps from bitelbrouwed.  As applied to geological formations, the meaning “dangerously to overhang cliffs etc” dates from circa 1600.   The alternative spellings bittle, betel & bittil are all long obsolete.  Beetle is a noun & verb & adjective, beetled is a verb, beetling is a verb & adjective and beetler is a noun; the noun plural is beetles.

Gazing back.

Even before he went mad (something of a calling among German philosophers) Friedrich Nietzsche (1844–1900) would warn the impressionable: “And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.”  In some European towns, gaze for long at the houses and Rudolf Hess also gazes at you.  Attending the first Nuremberg Trial (1945-1946) as a journalist, the author Rebecca West (1892–1983) perceived an abyss in Hess, writing he was “…so plainly mad… He looked as if his mind had no surface, as if every part of it had been blasted away except the depth where the nightmares lived.”  Imprisoned for life (Count 1: Conspiracy & Count 2: Crimes against peace) by the IMT (International Military Tribunal), Hess would spend some 46 years in captivity and when in 1987 he took his own life, he was the last survivor of the 21 who has stood in the dock to receive their sentences.  Opinion remains divided over whether Hess was “mad” in either the clinical or legal sense but his conduct during the trial and what is known of his decades in Berlin’s Spandau prison (the last 20-odd years as the vast facility’s sole inmate) does suggest he was at least highly eccentric.

The Beetle (Volkswagen Type 1)

First built before World War II (1939-1945), the Volkswagen (the construct being volks (people) + wagen (car)) car didn’t pick up the nickname “beetle” until 1946, the allied occupation forces translating it from the German Käfer and it caught on, lasting until the last one left a factory in Mexico in 2003 although in different places it gained other monikers, the Americans during the 1950s liking “bug” and the French coccinelle (ladybug) and as sales gathered strength around the planet, there were literally dozens of local variations, the more visually memorable including: including: bintus (Tortoise) in Nigeria, pulga (flea) in Colombia, ඉබ්බා (tortoise) in Sri Lanka, sapito (little toad) in Perú, peta (turtle) in Bolivia, folcika (bug) in Bosnia and Herzegovina, kostenurka (turtle) in Bulgaria, baratinha (little cockroach) in Cape Verde, poncho in Chile and Venezuela. buba (bug) in Croatia, boblen (the bubble), asfaltboblen (the asphalt bubble), gravid rulleskøjte (pregnant rollerskate) & Hitlerslæden (Hitler-sled) in Denmark. cepillo (brush) in the Dominican Republic, fakrouna (tortoise) in Libya, kupla (bubble) & Aatun kosto (Adi's revenge) in Finland, cucaracha (cockroach) in Guatemala, El Salvador and Honduras, Kodok (frog) in Indonesia, ghoorbaghei (قورباغه ای) (frog) in Iran, agroga عكروكة (little frog) & rag-gah ركـّة (little turtle) in Iraq, maggiolino (maybug) in Italy, kodok (frog) in Malaysia, pulguita (little flea) in Mexico and much of Latin America, boble (bubble) in Norway, kotseng kuba (hunchback car) & boks (tin can) in the Philippines, garbus (hunchback) in Poland, mwendo wa kobe (tortoise speed) in Swahili and banju maqlub (literally “upside down bathtub”) in Malta.

A ground beetle (left), a first generation der Käfer (the Beetle, 1939-2003) (centre) and an "New Beetle" (1997-2011).  Despite the appearance, the "New Beetle" was of front engine & front-wheel-drive configuration, essentially a re-bodied Volkswagen Golf.  The new car was sold purely as a retro, the price paid for the style, certain packaging inefficiencies. 

A handy (and potentially life-saving) accessory for wartime KdF-Wagens was a passenger-side mount for a MP 40/41 Maschinenpistole (submachine gun), usually dubbed the Schmeisser by Allied troops on the basis German weapons designer Hugo Schmeisser (1884–1953) was responsible for the earlier and visually similar MP 18 (the world’s first mass-produced submachine gun).  Although he was not involved in the development of the MP 40, that weapon did use a magazine produced in accordance with one of his patents.

The Beetle (technically, originally the KdF-Wagen and later the Volkswagen Type 1) was one of the products nominally associated with the Nazi regime’s Gemeinschaft Kraft durch Freude (KdF, “Strength Through Joy”), the state-controlled organization which was under the auspices of the Deutsche Arbeitsfront (German Labor Front) which replaced the independent labor unions.  Operating medical services, cruise liners and holiday resorts for the working class, the KdF envisaged the Volkswagen as a European Model T Ford in that it would be available in sufficient numbers and at a price affordable by the working man, something made easier still by the Sparkarte (savings booklet) plan under which a deposit would be paid with the balance to be met in instalments.  Once fully paid, a Volkswagen would be delivered.  All this was announced in 1939 but the war meant that not one Volkswagen was ever delivered to any of those who diligently continued to make their payments as late as 1943.  Whether, even without a war, the scheme could have continued with the price set at a politically sensitive 990 Reichsmarks is uncertain.  That was certainly below the cost of production and although the Ford Model T had demonstrated how radically production costs could be lowered once the efficiencies of mass-production reached critical mass, there were features unique to the US economy which may never have manifested in the Nazi system, even under sustained peace although, had the Nazis won the war, from the Atlantic to the Urals they'd have had a vast pool of slave labor, a obvious way to reduce unit labor costs.  As it was, it wasn’t until 1964 that some of the participants in the Sparkarte were granted a settlement under which they received a discount (between 9-14%) which could be credited against a new Beetle.  Inflation and the conversion in 1948 from Reichsmark to Deutschmark make it difficult accurately to assess the justice of that but the consensus was Volkswagen got a good deal.  The settlement was also limited, nobody resident in the GDR (The German Democratic Republic, the old East Germany (1949-1990)) or elsewhere behind the iron curtain received even a Reichspfennig (cent).

Small, life-size & larger than life: A scale model (left), a 1955 Volkswagen Beetle (centre) and the “Huge Bug”, on the road with the 1959 Cabriolet used as a template.

Produced or assembled around the world between 1938-2003, over 21.5 million Beetles were made and there were also untold millions of scale models, ranging from small, colorful molded plastic toys distributed in cereal boxes (an early form of “indirect marketing” to children) through the ubiquitous “Matchbox Toys” to some highly detailed and expensive renditions, some powered by electric motors.  However, as far as in known, there's been only one “up-scaled” Beetle and so impressive was it in execution, until seen with objects (ideally a standard Beetle) to give some sense of the size, it’s not immediately obvious the thing is some 40% bigger.  While it may be tempting to call this a “Super Beetle” that would only confuse because the factory applied that label to a version introduced in 1970 and customers nick-named those “Super Bug” so that’s taken too; maybe “Big Bug” is best although the builders liked “Huge Bug”.

The Huge Bug was created by a Californian father and son team who disassembled a 1959 Beetle Cabriolet so the relevant components could be scanned and digitized, enabling versions 40% larger to be fabricated.  Built on the chassis of a Dodge Magnum, mechanical components were carried over so the Huge Bug features a specification which would have astonished Germans (or anyone else) in 1957, including a 345 cubic inch (5.7 litre) Hemi V8, automatic transmission, power steering, heated seats, air conditioning & power windows.  Not unexpectedly, whenever parked, the Huge Bug attracts those wanting a unique backdrop for selfies.  If the Huge Bug seems too conventional (if large) an approach, others have allowed their imagination to wander in other directions.

Herbie, the love bug

Lindsay Lohan (left) among the Beetles (centre) on the red carpet for the Los Angeles premiere of Herbie Fully Loaded (2005), El Capitan Theater, Hollywood, Los Angeles, 19 June 19, 2005.  The Beetle (right) was one of the many replica “Herbies” in attendance and, on the day, Ms Lohan (using the celebrity-endorsed black Sharpie) autographed the glove-box lid, removed for the purpose.

In a Beetle it’s a simple task quickly to remove and re-fit a lid but unfortunately it was upside down when signed.  Autographs on glove-box lids (and other parts) are a thing and the most famous (and numerous) are those of Carroll Shelby (1923–2012) on Shelby American AC Cobras and Mustangs.  Many are authentic because for a donation to the Shelby foundation (typically around US$250) an owner could send to Shelby American headquarters in California a lid with a SSAE (stamped, self-addressed envelope) and it would come back duly signed and with a letter of authenticity (though one owner noted dryly the felt pen (silver ink) he’d enclosed wasn’t returned.  There are many slight variations in the signatures which hints they were done by hand and not an auto-pen although those that differ most are the ones signed while the lid was fixed to the car; for most it’s an unnatural action to sign on other than a flat, horizontal surface.  There are also some of questionable provenance, not all of which are on Cobra replicas built long after Carroll Shelby’s death and “Carroll Shelby glove-box signature vinyl transfer tapes” are available on-line in black, white and silver for as little as US$6.00.  Beware of imitations one might say but given there are over 50,000 “imitation” Cobras against a thousand-odd originals, the fake signature industry is sort of in the same spirit.

One of the cars used in the track racing sequences, now on display in the Peterson Automotive Museum on Wilshire Boulevard, Los Angeles, California (left), a Disney Pictures promotional image (centre) and a Herbie “replica” (with glove-box lid signed by Lindsay Lohan) built on a modified 1964 Beetle (right).

Before the release in 2005 of Herbie: Fully Loaded, following the first "Herbie" film (The Love Bug (1968)), there had been three sequels and a television series so the ecosystem of Herbie replicas (clones, tributes etc) was well-populated and as a promotional gimmick Disney Pictures invited fans to bring their replicas to line the red carpet at the Los Angeles premiere.  Producing a “true” Herbie replica is technically possible but not all will be the same because even within each film there were variations in the appearance because a number of Beetles were required for the filming with not all identical in every visual aspect.  In post-production, there is a “continuity editor” who is tasked with removing or disguising such inconsistencies but minor details, especially if not in any way significant, often slip through something which delights the film obsessives who curate sites documenting the “errors”.  Among Beetle (especially the pre 1968 models) collectors there’s a faction of originality police (as uncompromising as any found in the communities patrolling vintage Ferraris, Corvettes, Jaguars, Porsches and such) and when the Herbie “replica” (above right) was offered for sale (as a “Herbie-Style 1964 Volkswagen Beetle Sunroof Sedan”) they were there to pounce, noting:

(1) The last year for the Golde folding sunroof was 1963, 1964 Sunroof Sedans fitted with a steel, sliding-roof.  The consensus was either the roof from an earlier Sunroof Sedan was spliced on or a hole was cut for salvaged Golde assembly to be installed.  Neither would be technically difficult for someone with the parts and skill but an inspection would be required to know which and on the basis of the photographs the work had been done well.

(2) The hood (“bonnet” over the frunk) was from an earlier model (with a pre-1963 Wolfsburg crest).

(3) The licence plate light was from 1963 (the updated engine and conversion to 12-volt electrics (both common in early Beetles) were disclosed in the sales blurb).

(4) The radio antenna was on the driver’s side whereas in the film it appears on the passenger’s side and there were many detail differences (decals and such) but there were inconsistencies also in the film.

Herr Professor Porsche

Herr Professor Ferdinand Porsche (1875–1951) didn't exactly "invent" the concept of the Beetle but he was much involved in the design although Adolf Hitler (1889-1945; Führer (leader) and German head of government 1933-1945 & head of state 1934-1945) claimed to be the one who insisted on the use of an air-cooled engine because "not every rural doctor has a garage".  Porsche's appointment as a professor was a personal gift from the Führer who created them (he made his personal photographer a professor!) about as freely as he would later churn out Field Marshals.  There were many Volkswagens produced during the war but all were delivered either to the military or the Nazi Party organization where they were part of the widespread corruption endemic to the Third Reich, the extent of which wasn’t understood until well after the demise of the regime.  The wartime models were starkly utilitarian and this continued between 1945-1947 when production resumed to supply the needs of the Allied occupying forces, the bulk of the output being taken up by the British Army, the Wolfsburg factory being in the British zone.  As was the practice immediately after the war, the plan had been to ship the tooling to the UK and begin production there but the UK manufacturers, after inspecting the vehicle, pronounced it wholly unsuitable for civilian purposes and too primitive to appeal to customers.  Accordingly, the factory remained in Germany and civilian deliveries began in 1947, initially only in the home market but within a few years, export sales were growing and by the mid-1950s, the Beetle was a success even in the US market, something which must have seem improbable in 1949 when two were sold.  The platform proved adaptable too, the original two-door saloon and cabriolet augmented by a van on a modified chassis which was eventually built in a bewildering array of body styles (and made famous as the Kombi and Microbus (Type 2) models which became cult machines of the 1960s counter-culture) and the stylish, low-slung Karmann-Ghia (the classic Type 14 and the later Type 34 & Type 145 (Brazil), sold as a 2+2 coupé and convertible.  Later there would be attempts to use more modern body styling while preserving the mechanical layout (the Type 3, 1961-1973 and Type 4 (411/412), 1968-1974) but the approach was by the early 1970s understood to be a dead end although the concept was until 1982 pursued by Volkswagen's Brazilian operation. 

Herr Professor Ferdinand Porsche (1875–1951) explaining the KdF-Wagen (Strength Through Joy car which, in the post-war years would become the Volkswagen ("people's car" which, as the range proliferated would come to be called the "Type 1" (Beetle) to Adolf Hitler (1889-1945; Führer (leader) and German head of government 1933-1945 & head of state 1934-1945) during the ceremony marking the laying of the foundation stone at the site of the Volkswagen factory, in Germany's Lower Saxony region, 26 May 1938 (which Christians mark as the Solemnity of the Ascension of Jesus Christ, commemorating the bodily Ascension of Christ to Heaven) (left).  The visit would have been a pleasant diversion for Hitler who was at the time immersed in planning for the Nazi's takeover of Czechoslovakia and later the same day, during a secret meeting, the professor would display a scale-model of an upcoming high-performance version (right).

The name of the location where the factory sat became well-known in the 1950s when Beetles spread around the world but the name Wolfsburg wasn't gazetted until May 1945 while the area was under occupation by the US Army, the name a reference to the nearly eponymous castle, the first known mention of which dates from 1302 in a document mentioning the structure as the seat of the noble lineage of Bartensleben.  The city had been founded by the Nazis on 1 July 1938 as the Stadt des KdF-Wagens bei Fallersleben (City of the Strength Through Joy car at Fallersleben), an example of a "company town" which, centred around the village of Fallersleben, included not only the industrial plant by also housing for workers and the associated service and recreational facilities.  As things were then done, the SS (ᛋᛋ in Armanen runes; Schutzstaffel 1923-1945 (literally “protection squadron” but translated variously as “protection squad”, “security section" etc) in 1942 established the nearby Arbeitsdorf concentration camp as a source of cheap (and expendable) labour but the experiment proved industrially inefficient and it was shut down after a few months. 

The Beetle also begat what are regarded as the classic Porsches (the 356 (1948-1965), the 911 (1964-1998) and 912 (1965-1969 & 1976)).  Although documents filed in court over the years would prove Ferdinand Porsche’s (1875-1951) involvement in the design of the Beetle revealed not quite the originality of thought that long was the stuff of legend (as a subsequent financial settlement acknowledged), he was attached to the concept and for reasons of economic necessity alone, the salient features of the Beetle (the separate platform, the air-cooled flat engine, rear wheel drive and the basic shape) were transferred to the early post-war Porsches and while for many reasons features like liquid cooling later had to be adopted, the basic concept of the 1938 KdF-Wagen is still identifiable in today’s 911s.  The Beetle had many virtues as might be surmised given it was in more-or-less continuous production for sixty-five years during which over 20 million were made.  However, one common complaint was the lack of power, something which became more apparent as the years went by and average highway speeds rose.  The factory gradually increased both displacement & power and an after-market industry arose to supply those who wanted more, the results ranging from mild to wild.  One of the most dramatic approaches was that taken in 1969 by Emerson Fittipaldi (b 1946) who would later twice win both the Formula One World Championship and the Indianapolis 500.

The Fittipaldi 3200

Team Fittipaldi in late 1969 entered the Rio 1000 km race at the Jacarepagua circuit, intending to run a prototype with an Alfa Romeo engine but after suffering delays in the fabrication of some parts, it was clear there would be insufficient time to prepare the car.  No other competitive machine was immediately available so the decision was taken to improvise and build a twin-engined Volkswagen Beetle, both car and engines in ample supply, local production having begun in 1953.  On paper, the leading opposition (Alfa Romeo T33s, a Ford GT40 and a Lola T70 was formidable but the Beetle, with two tuned 1600 cm³ (98 cubic inch) engines, would generate some 400 horsepower in a car weighing a mere 407kg (897 lb) car.  Expectations weren't high and other teams were dismissive of the threat yet in qualifying, the Beetle set the second fastest time and in the race proved competitive, running for some time second to the leading Alfa Romeo T33 until a broken gearbox forced retirement.

Fittipaldi 3200, Interlagos, 1969.  The car competed on Pirelli CN87 Cinturatos (which were for street rather than race-track use) tyres which was an interesting choice but gearbox failures meant it never raced long enough for their durability to be determined.

The idea of twin-engined cars was nothing new, Enzo Ferrari (1898-1988) in 1935 having entered the Alfa Romeo Bimotor in the Grand Prix held on the faster circuits.  At the time a quick solution to counter the revolutionary new Mercedes-Benz and Auto-Union race cars, the Bimotor had one supercharged straight-eight mounted at each end, both providing power to the rear wheels.  It was certainly fast, timed at 335 km/h (208 mph) in trials and on the circuits it could match anything in straight-line speed but its Achilles heel was that which has beset most twin-engined racing cars, high fuel consumption & tyre wear and a tendency to break drive-train components.  There were some successful adoptions when less powerful engines were used and the goal was traction rather than outright speed (such as the Citroën 2CV Sahara (694 of which were built between 1958-1971)) but usually there were easier ways to achieve the same thing.  Accordingly, while the multi-engine idea proved effective (indeed sometimes essential) when nothing but straight line speed was demanded (such as land-speed record (LSR) attempts or drag-racing), in events when corners needed to be negotiated, it proved a cul-de-sac.  There was certainly potential as the handful of "Twinis" (twin-engined versions of the BMC (British Motor Corporation) Mini (1959-2000) built in the 1960s demonstrated.  The original Twini had been built by constructor John Cooper (1923–2000 and associated with the Mini Cooper) after he'd observed a twin-engined Mini-Moke (a utilitarian vehicle based on the Mini's platform) being tested for the military.  Cooper's Twini worked and was rapid but after being wrecked in an accident (not directly related to the novel configuration), the project was abandoned.   

Still, in 1969, Team Fittipaldi had nothing faster available and while on paper, the bastard Beetle seemed unsuited to the task as the Jacarepagua circuit then was much twistier than it would become, it would certainly have a more than competitive  power to weight ratio, the low mass likely to make tyre wear less of a problem.  According to Brazilian legend, in the spirit of the Q&D (quick & dirty) spirit of the machines hurried assembly, after some quick calculations on a slide-rule, the design process moved rapidly from the backs of envelopes to paper napkins at the Churrascaria Interlagos Brazilian Barbecue House where steaks and red wine were ordered.  Returning to the workshop, most of the chassis was fabricated against chalk-marks on garage floor while the intricate linkages required to ensure the fuel-flow to the four Weber DC045 carburetors were constructed using cigarette packets as templates to maintain the correct distance between components.  In the race, the linkages performed faultlessly.

Fittipaldi 3200: The re-configuration of the chassis essentially transformed the rear-engined Beetle into a mid-engined car, the engines between the driver and the rear-axle line, behind which sat the transaxle.  

The chassis used a standard VW platform, cut just behind the driver’s seat where a tubular sub-frame was attached.  The front suspension and steering was retained although larger Porsche drum brakes were used in deference to the higher speeds which would be attained.  Remarkably, Beetle type swing axles were used at the rear which sounds frightening but these had the advantage of providing much negative camber and on the smooth and predictable surface of a race-track, especially in the hands of a race-driver, their behavior would not be as disconcerting as their reputation might suggest.  Two standard 1600cm³ Beetle engines (thus the 3200 designation) were fitted for the shake down tests and once the proof-of-concept had been verified, they were sent for tuning, high-performance Porsche parts used and the displacement of each increased to 2200cm³ (134 cubic inch).  The engines proved powerful but too much for the bottom end, actually breaking a crankshaft (a reasonable achievement) so the stroke was shortened, yielding a final displacement only slightly greater than the original specification while maintaining the ability to sustain higher engine speeds.

Fittipaldi 3200 (1969) schematic (left) and Porsche 908/01 LH Coupé (1968–1969) (right): The 3200's concept of a mid-engined, air-cooled, flat-eight coupe was essentially the same as the Porsche 908 but the Fittipaldi 3200's added features included drum brakes, swing axles and a driver's seat which doubled as the fuel tank.  There might have been some drivers of the early (and lethal) Porsche 917s who would have declined an offer to race the 3200, thinking it "too dangerous".

The rear engine was attached in a conventional arrangement through a Porsche five-speed transaxle although first gear was blanked-off (shades of the British trick of the 1950s which discarded the "stump-puller" first gear to create a "close ratio" three-speed box) because of a noted proclivity for stripping the cogs while the front engine was connected to the rear by a rubber joint with the crank phased at 90^o to the rear so the power sequenced correctly.  Twin oil coolers were mounted in the front bumper while the air-cooling was also enhanced, the windscreen angled more acutely to create at the top an aperture through which air could be ducted via flexible channels in the roof.   Most interesting however was the fuel tank.  To satisfy the thirst of the two engines, the 3200 carried 100 litres (26.4 (US) / 22 (Imperial) gallons) of a volatile ethanol-based cocktail in an aluminum tank which was custom built to fit car: It formed the driver’s seat!

Incongruity: The Beetle and the prototypes, Interlagos, 1969 

In the Rio de Janeiro 1000 kilometre race on the Guanabara circuit, the 3200, qualified 2^nd and ran strongly in the race, running as high as second, the sight of a Beetle holding off illustrious machinery such as a Porsche special, a Lola-Chevrolet R70, and a Ford GT40, one of motorsport’s less expected sights.  Unfortunately, in the twin-engined tradition (there have been some glorious failures and a handful of specialized successes), it proved fast but fragile, retiring with gearbox failure before half an hour had elapsed.  It raced once more but proved no more reliable.

How to have fun with a Beetle.

Caffeine addiction is one of humanity’s most widespread vices and it extends to those driving cars.  In famous tort case, Stella Liebeck v. McDonald's Restaurants, P.T.S., Inc. and McDonald's International, Inc (1994 Extra LEXIS 23 (Bernalillo County, N.M. Dist. Ct. 1994), 1995 WL 360309 (Bernalillo County, N.M. Dist. Ct. 1994), a passenger in a car (a 1989 model with no cup holders) received severe burns from spilled coffee, just purchased from a McDonald’s drive-through.  Although the matter received much publicity on the basis it was absurd to be able to sue for being burned by spilling what was known by all to be “hot” and the case came to be cited as an example of “frivolous” litigation, there were technical reasons why some liability should have been ascribed to McDonalds.  The jury awarded some US$2.6 million in damages although this was, on appeal, reduced to US$640,000 and the matter was settled out of court before a further appeal.

How to have coffee in a Beetle

Hertella Auto Kaffeemachine, 1959.  What could go wrong?

In the twenty-first century, some now judge cars on the basis of the count, capacity & convenience of its cup-holders but in the less regulated environment of the FRG (Federal Republic of Germany, the old West Germany, 1949-1990) of 1959, one company anticipated the future trend by offering a dashboard-mounted coffee maker for the Volkswagen Beetle.  The Hertella Auto Kaffeemachine was not a success, presumably because even those not familiar with Sir Isaac Newton's (1642–1727) First Law of Motion (known also as the Law of Inertia: “An object at rest will remain at rest, and an object in motion will continue in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced external force”) could visualise the odd WCS (worst case scenario).

A happy caffeine addict, pouring himself a cup of coffee in his VW Beetle.

That it was in 1959 available in 6v & 12v versions is an indication Hertella may have envisaged a wider market because VW didn’t offer a 12v system as an option until 1963 and the company seems to have given some thought to Newtonian physics, the supplied porcelain cups fitted at the base with a disc of magnetic metal which provided some resistance to movement although the liquid obviously moved as the forces were applied.  The apparatus was mounted with a detachable bracket, permitting the pot to be removed for cleaning.  The quality of the coffee was probably not outstanding because there’s no percolation; the coffee added in a double-layer screen and “brewed” on much the same basis as one would tea-leaves and for those who value quality, a thermos-flask would have been a better choice but there would have been caffeine addicts willing to try the device.  The trouble was there clearly weren’t many of them and even in the FRG of the Wirtschaftswunder (the post war “economic miracle”) the fairly high price would have deterred many although now, one in perfect condition (especially if accompanied by the precious documents or packaging) would command a price well over US$1000.

How to advertise a Beetle

Although the popular perception of motoring in the US during the 1960s is it was all about gas-guzzling behemoths and tyre-smoking muscle cars no less thirsty, Detroit’s advertising did not neglect to mention fuel economy and the engineers always had in the range a combination of power-train and gearing options for those for whom that was important; it was a significant if unsexy market.  However, the advertising for domestic vehicles, whatever the segment, almost always emphasised virtues like attractiveness and, in the era of annual product updates, made much of things being “new”.  Volkswagen took a different approach, centred around the “Think Small” campaign, created by the advertising agency Doyle Dane Bernbach (DDB).  Positioning VW Beetle ownership as a kind of inverted snobbery, the campaign embraced simplicity and honesty, quite a contrast with the exaggerations common at the time.  The technique was ground-breaking and its influences have been seen in the decades since.

The key theme was one of self-deprecating humor which took the criticisms of the car (quirky, small, ugly, lacking luxuries) and made a headline of them, emphasising instead attributes such as reliability, fuel efficiency, and affordability, all done with some wry observations.  Whether making a virtue of the by then dubious qualities of swing axles (centre right) convinced many is uncertain but the "Why are the wheels crooked" one dates from 1962, some three years before the publication of Ralph Nadar's (b 1934) Unsafe at Any Speed (1965) in which a chapter was devoted to the troubling behavior swing axles induced in the Chevrolet Corvair (1960-1969).  Still, the focus on authenticity had real appeal in a consumerist age when agencies produced elaborate graphics and full-color photographs taken in exotic locations: VW’s monochromatic look was emblematic of the machine being advertised, one which in 1969 still looked almost identical to one from 1959.  A key to the success of the campaign was the template: most of the upper part of the page usually a single image of a Beetle, a caption beneath and then the explanatory text.

Spoof in National Lampoon's Encyclopedia of Humor (1973).

The US magazine National Lampoon (1970-1998) ran a parody in the style of VW’s campaign in their Encyclopedia of Humor (1973).  The "If Ted Kennedy drove a Volkswagen, he'd be President today" piece not only borrowed the template but also reprised VW’s claim of “watertight construction” which had appeared in one of the manufacturer’s genuine advertisements.  Although what the magazine did was protected under the constitution’s first amendment (freedom of speech; freedom of the press) other legal remedies beckoned and Volkswagen filed suit claiming (1) violations of copyright and their trademark and (2) defamation.  Apparently, a number of those who had seen the spoof believed it to be real and the company was receiving feedback from the outraged vowing never to buy another VW, a reaction familiar at scale in the age of X (formerly known as Twitter) but which then required writing a letter, putting it in an envelope, affixing a postage stamp and dropping it in the mailbox.  So pile-ons happened then but they took longer to form.  In a settlement, National Lampoon undertook to (1) withdraw all unsold copies of the 450,000 print run (2) destroy the piece’s hot plate (in pre-digital printing, a physical “plate” was created onto which ink was laid to create the printed copy) and (3) publish in the next issue Volkswagen's explanatory disclaimer of involvement.  National Lampoon was also estopped from using the spoof for any subsequent purpose.

The 1967 Oldsmobile Delmont 88 which Ted Kennedy crashed into the water under Dike Bridge Chappaquiddick Island, Massachusetts.

The Oldsmobile belonged to Kennedy's mother, despite old Joe Kennedy (1888–1969) once having asserted "The Kennedys drive Buicks!".  By the time Mary Jo Kopechne died, the company had already retired the Delmont nameplate after a two-year run.  The notorious incident the parody referenced was the “Chappaquiddick Incident” in which Ted Kennedy (1932–2009) drove off a bridge, shortly before midnight on 18 July 1969, after the then senator had left a cocktail party in the company of Miss Mary Jo Kopechne (1940-1969) who had worked on Robert F Kennedy’s (RFK, 1925–1968; US attorney general 1961-1964) presidential campaign in 1968.  Miss Kopechne died in the crash, Senator Kennedy not reporting the matter for more than ten hours after he left the scene.  Kennedy received a two month, suspended sentence for leaving the scene of an accident but while his political career continued for decades, he never succeeded in his attempts to become president and his conduct in the Chappaquiddick Incident contributed to that although as one notorious interview in 1979 revealed, apart from his sense of entitlement, he could disclose no good reason why he should be POTUS.

Volkswagen's genuine "watertight construction" advertisement which inspired National Lampoon.  It was one of the few in the series to be run in color and that was because water really didn't look like "water" in monochrome.

Years after the Chappaquiddick Incident, when Ted was the only of the brothers left alive, Pat Buchanan (b 1938; US paleoconservative and advisor to many Republican presidents) interviewed Richard Nixon (1913-1994; US president 1969-1974), their discussions including the former president’s reminiscences of politicians he’d known.  Broadcast of CNN’s Crossfire programme on 9 November 1982, among those remembered were the Kennedys and Nixon pronounced Ted the best and most natural politician while Robert was driven and intense, “like a seventeenth century Jesuit priest”, a phrase he attributed to Theodore Roosevelt’s (TR, 1858–1919; US president 1901-1909) daughter Alice Lee Roosevelt Longworth (1884–1980).  John Kennedy (JFK, 1917–1963; US president 1961-1963) he thought “quite a shy person” for whom the public aspect of politics was “an effort”, albeit one he performed very well.  Nixon was a flawed character but in his (enforced) retirement, he was a fair judge of the politicians he knew and long after he died, an outtake from the interview sessions was released which included some “off the record” comments about Lyndon Johnson (LBJ, 1908–1973; US president 1963-1969).

Nixon on the Kennedys and LBJ.

At that time, the first volume (The Path to Power (1982)) of Robert Caro’s (b 1935) biography of LBJ had just be published to great acclaim and, during a commercial break and perhaps unaware the cameras were still recording, Nixon leaned towards Buchanan and in sotto voce remarked that Caro “…makes him look like a goddamn animal”, pausing to add “…of course he was… he was a man”.  Nixon knew LBJ well and as a political operative, ranked him with Theodore Roosevelt (TR, 1858–1919; US president 1901-1909) and Franklin Delano Roosevelt (FDR, 1882–1945, US president 1933-1945) as the finest of the century.  Caro’s biography of LBJ is one of the most comprehensive of its kind with the fourth volume published in 2012; that took the story to 1964 and the fifth volume remains a work in progress with the manuscript now said to be 1,000 pages odd.  Because it will cover his tumultuous presidency which began with such promise before being consumed by the military involvement in the Far East, there’s obviously much material to be considered and the author (now almost 90) has revealed that should he die, the draft will not be completed by somebody else but will be published “as is”.  So vast is Caro’s work, unless some remarkable new material emerges, it’s hard to believe anyone will ever write another biography of LBJ.

Nixon on “Beetle” Smith and the role of those subordinate to the president.

General Walter Bedell “Beetle” Smith (1895–1961) on several occasions between 1943-1945 served as General Dwight Eisenhower’s (1890-1969; US president 1953-1961) chief of staff and in the post war years held a number of appointments including Director of the CIA (Central Intelligence Agency) between 1950-1953.  In the interview with Buchanan, “Beetle” was also discussed and Nixon’s comments many have been brought to the attention of Donald Trump (b 1946; US president 2017-2021 and since 2025) who would have agreed with every word.  Even in MAGA (Make America Great Again) circles there are some who probably prefer not to take political advice from Richard Nixon but Mr Trump is known to be an admirer and is probably much taken with his predecessor’s (who was a trained lawyer!) opinion that “if the president does it, it can’t be illegal”.