Tit

Tit (pronounced tit)

(1) Any of numerous small active old world songbirds of the family Paridae, especially those of the former genus Parus.

(2) Medieval slang for a girl or young woman thought something of a minx.

(3) A small, worthless or worn-out poor horse; a nag (archaic).

(4) Slang for a despicable or unpleasant person (archaic).

(5) Slang for a teat (used in agricultural and other circles).

(6) As tit-bit, a small morsel of food.

(7) One of the many vulgar slang terms for the human female’s breast (mammary gland).

Circa 1600: From the mid sixteenth century Middle English titte, from the pre 1100 Old English titt and cognate with the Middle Low German & Middle Dutch titte, the German as zitze, the Icelandic tittr and the Norwegian titta.  The Scandinavian forms applied to small birds and the Old English titt was a variant of teat.  The modern slang variation, attested from 1928, seems to be a recent reinvention from teat, used apparently without awareness it’s a throwback to the original form although the form is on record from 1746 as an English and Irish diminutive of teat, used in nurseries.

In ornithology, tits, chickadees, and titmice constitute the Paridae, a large family of small passerine birds found mostly in Africa and the more temperate regions of the Northern Hemisphere and Africa.  Most were formerly classified in the genus Parus and in the English-speaking the terms chickadee & titmice tend to be used in North America while its tits elsewhere.  The creatures are mainly small, stocky, woodland species with short, stout bills, some with crests and ranging in length between 4-9 inches (100-220 mm), they have a mixed diet including seeds and insects and have adapted well to co-habitation with humans in urban environments.  It’s a charming linguistic coincidence that ornithological taxonomy has given English the black-breasted tit (Periparus rufonuchalis), the cinnamon-breasted tit (Melaniparus pallidiventris) and the stripe-breasted tit (Melaniparus fasciiventer).

A pair of small tits (Pseudopodoces humilis; left) and pair of great tits (Parus major; right).

The smallest of the tits is the golden-breasted tit (or small tit) (Pseudopodoces humilis).  Genuinely tiny, in some places it’s known also as the ground tit or Hume's ground tit and measures usually between 100-130 mm (4-4.9 inches) in length, weighing around (.56 oz).  The largest of the tits is the widely distributed great tit (Parus major) which measures usually between 135-155 mm (5.3-6.1 inches) in length and weighs between 16 to 21 grams. (6-.81 oz).

The origin of familiar use of “tit” as slang for “breast, human female mammary gland” (now also as "tittie" or "titty" although they also enjoyed other meanings) lies in the Old English titt (teat, nipple, breast), used as a variant of teat or from the dialectal and nursery diminutive plural variant “titties”.  Perhaps surprisingly, it appears the modern slang use in this context (predictably, almost always in the plural) dates only from 1928 (oral use may have pre-dated this) and the adoption (actually a re-invention) is thought unrelated to the original form.  The tradition was however long because in the Middle English the singular was often tete or tate, often used figuratively to mean both “source of (spiritual) nourishment” and by the late fourteenth century, an “object of erotic attraction”.  In modern slang use, it appears the use of “tits” was almost exclusively male until the 1970s when it became of the words “reclaimed” by feminists as a political statement although, as a general principle women seem still to prefer “boobs” although there seems more acceptance of "fake tits" as a critique.

By the 1540s “tit” was used for a small or unproductive horse, the sense of something “diminutive” transferring over later centuries to other small creatures, most enduringly in birds such as the titmouse, tom-tit, titlark, titling, tit-babbler et al although not all survived to be added to modern taxonomy such as the late nineteenth century titty-todger (a wren).  In the Nordic nations, the Icelandic tittr, the Norwegian tita and the Old Norse titling were all used of small birds but etymologists are uncertain about the connection, the Oxford English Dictionary (OED) suggesting the link was of either something small rather than anything specific to birds or even onomatopoeic, drawn from the “chip-chipping” sound of small songbirds.  At least by 1706 it was common slang for “titmouse” and by 1734 was used figuratively of persons but between the sixteenth & eighteenth centuries a “tit” could be a “girl or young woman” and while that could be merely descriptive, it was applied often in the deprecatory sense of “a hussy or minx” (though apparently not actually a prostitute).

The form “tit-bit” (small, delicate snack of food; a sweet morsel) was in use by the 1630s and was synonymous with “tidbit” which was in concurrent use, the coining of that thought to be the dialectal tid (fond, solicitous, tender (itself perhaps influenced by the relevant sense of “tit”)) + bit (in the sense of “a morsel”).  Also surviving into modern use is “tit for tat”, an expression indicating “a retaliatory return), first documented in the 1550s and from this ultimately came “titfer” which appeared in UK dictionaries of rhyming slang as a substitute for “hat” (in from the “that” element).  “Tit for tat” may have been an variant of the earlier “tip for tap” (blow for blow) which carried the same implication.  The game tick-tack-toe (noughts & crosses) was so named at least by 1892 but according to oral historians, decades before that it had been known as tit-tat-toe (by 1852, in reminiscences of earlier years), the names thought derived from the sound made by the pencil on the slate with which it originally was played by schoolboys.  The modern slang “taking the bull by the tits” is an absurdist variant of “taking the bull by the horns” (confronting a problem and dealing with it in a manner prompt, resolute & effective”); it suggests someone is doing something wrong or has misunderstood (ie they have NFI).

Adhesive

Adhesive (pronounced ad-hee-siv or ad-hee-ziv)

(1) Something coated with glue, paste, mastic, or other sticky substance (which may be intended for either temporary or permanent purposes); a substance that causes something to adhere, as glue or rubber cement.

(2) Figuratively, tenacious or clinging.

(3) Sticking fast; sticky; apt or tending to adhere; clinging.

(4) In physics, of or relating to the molecular force that exists in the area of contact between unlike bodies and that acts to unite them.

(5) The quality or degree of stickiness in the physical sense; relating to adhesion.

(6) In philately, a postage stamp with a gummed back, as distinguished from one embossed or printed on an envelope or card.

1660s: The adjective meaning “sticky, cleaving or clinging” was from the French adhésif, from the Latin adhaesivus, from adhaereō (supine adhaesum). The French construct was formed from the Latin adhaes-, past-participle stem of adhaerere (stick to), the source also of adherent.  The noun was derived from the adjective and emerged in 1881, original as a descriptor of postage stamps (as a clipping of the original (1840) adhesive stamp, the word later adopted in philately as a technical distinction between the classic stick-on stamps and other types.  Around the turn of the twentieth century, it was used in the general sense of "a substance that causes to adhere", as a point of differentiation from simple glue.  The spelling adhæsive is obsolete.

Because of the use in engineering, science, industry & commerce, adhesive is a popular modifier, the forms including adhesive capsulitis, adhesive tape, hot melt adhesive, self-adhesive, adhesive bra, adhesive bandage, adhesive binding, adhesive plaster & adhesive tape.  Words related to adhesive (in the physical or figurative sense depending on context) sense include gummy, sticky, adherent, holding, hugging, pasty, adhering, agglutinant, attaching, clinging, clingy, gelatinous, glutinous, gooey, gummed, mucilaginous, resinous, tenacious, viscid & viscous.  Adhesive is a noun & adjective, adhesion is a noun, adhesively is an adverb and adhesiveness is a noun; the noun plural is adhesives.

Very Abstract

Piet Mondrian’s (1872-1944) 1941 New York City 1 is an abstract piece created with multi-colored adhesive tape.  First exhibited at New York’s Museum of Modern Art (MOMA) in 1945 and hung since 1980 in the Düsseldorf Museum as part of the Kunstsammlung Nordrhein-Westfalen’s collection, recently it was revealed for the past 77 years it has been hanging upside down.  The work is unsigned, sometimes an indication the artist deemed it unfinished but Mondrian left no notes.

Mondrian’s 1941 New York City 1 as it (presumably correctly) sat in the artist's studio in 1944 (left) and as it was since 1945 exhibited (upside-down) in New York and Düsseldorf (right).  Spot the difference. 

The decades-long, trans-Atlantic mistake came to light during a press conference held to announce the Kunstsammlung’s new Mondrian exhibition.  During research for the show, a photograph of Mondrian’s studio taken shortly after his death showed the work oriented in the opposite direction and this is being treated as proof of the artist’s intension although experts say the placement of the adhesive tape on the unsigned painting also suggests the piece was hung upside down.  How the error occurred is unclear but when first displayed at MOMA, it may have been as simple as the packing-crate being overturned or misleading instructions being given to the staff.  However, 1941 New York City 1 will remain upside because of the condition of the adhesive strips.  “The adhesive tapes are already extremely loose and hanging by a thread,” a curator was quoted as saying, adding that if it were now to be turned-over, “…gravity would pull it into another direction.  And it’s now part of the work’s story.”

1941 New York City 1, in the Paris Museum of Modern Art.

The curator made the point that as hung, the interlacing lattice of red, yellow, black and blue adhesive tapes thicken towards the bottom, suggesting a sparser skyline but that “…the thickening of the grid should be at the top, like a dark sky” and another of Mondrian’s creations in a similar vein (the oil on canvas New York City I (1942)) hangs in the Musée National d’Art Moderne in Paris with the thickening of lines at the top.  Whether Mondrian intended 1941 New York City 1 to be part of his oeuvre or it was just a mock-up in adhesive tape for the oil-on canvas composition to follow isn’t known, artists having many reasons for leaving works unsigned.

Conventional "backless" bras.

The term "backless bra" can be misleading in that most of them aren't actually built without a back-strap; rather the strap is engineered in a variety of ways to sit well below the shoulder-blades, usually somewhere around the lower back.  Often that's enough to suit the outfit with which it's being paired but sometimes there's a need to expose the whole back and here an adhesive bra can be the solution.  Adhesive bras (single-use and re-usable and sometimes called "stick-on bras" or "stickies") are specialized devices which have a large part of the surface-area facing the skin coated with a medical-grade adhesive.  Made usually from silicone or polyurethane and available in a variety of designs (in one and two-piece configurations), almost all are strapless or backless and the variations in design exist to accommodate the different clothes under which the bra will be worn.  One chooses one’s adhesive bra cognizant of the dress or top to be worn, the idea being that once dressed, only skin should be visible.  In cases where no commercial available adhesive bra is quite right, a variety of medical-grade tapes (sold as tit-tape, skin-tape, boob-tape et al) are available including double-sided versions which can hold the fabric of clothes in place.  There have the advantage of being able to rendered in whatever shape is required but can be difficult to apply single-handedly although boyfriends and girlfriends should be anxious to assist.  Experts suggest avoiding the cheapest on the market because some of there are not medical grade and there's the risk of minor skin damage and consequent infection.

For those (regardless of size) who don’t require lift and need only to minimize lateral movement, the two-piece units (which can use a central coupling depending on the outfit) are ideal because they are available in versions with a smaller surface area, some of which use a higher percentage of the adhesive material to adhere to skin below the bust-line which can be helpful.  These are essentially a modern variation of the pasties (adhesive patches worn over the nipples by exotic dancers) from the late 1950s with some structural engineering added to enhance support.

Most two-piece adhesive bras are a pair of stand-alone units but some offer the option of centre-adjustments.  The methods vary, some using Velcro, the familiar hook & eye combination or buckles but the most popular type use shoe-lace style ties.  The scope of adjustment offered is not only lateral (forcing the flesh towards the centre) but also vertical (forcing the flesh upwards), both movements enhancing cleavage and this permits the same bra to be used for more than one style of outfit.

Although mostly associated with backless and strapless styles, adhesive bras are also available which accommodate plunging necklines.  The two-piece units allow designers to display a cut to the waist but more modest renditions, optimized for cleavage, use a kind of cantilever, usually called the “plunge”.

Adhesive bras use rather than defy the laws of physics and there are limits to the volumes which can be accommodated.  As a general principle, as the movable mass (and in this case there’s not always a direct correlation between weight and volume) increases the surface area of the adhesive material which adheres to skin above the effective centre of gravity (essentially the pivot point) should increase.  That means larger sizes can be handled for backless dresses and even plunges are possible but it won’t be possible always to display the skin on the upper poles and designs required to secure a greater mass can be less comfortable because they often include some variation of an underwire to guarantee structural integrity.

Lindsay Lohan adhesive stickers.

Crapper

Crapper (pronounced krap-er)

(1) A proprietary trade name for a brand of loo; toilet; lavatory etc.

(2) A slang term for the loo; toilet; lavatory etc.

1920s: The construct was crap + er.  Dating from 1375-1425, crap was from the Middle English crappe (which at various times existed in the plural as crappen, crappies and craps) (chaff; buckwheat) from the Old French crappe & crapin (chaff; siftings, waste or rejected matter).  In the Medieval Latin there were the plural forms crappa & crapinum, apparently from the Old Dutch krappen (to cut off, pluck off) from which Middle Dutch gained crappe & crap (a chop, cutlet) and Modern Dutch krip (a steak); the most obvious modern relative is crop.  The Middle English agent suffix er was from the Old English ere, from the Proto-Germanic ārijaz and generally thought to have been borrowed from the Latin ārius.  The English forms were cognate with the Dutch er & aar, the German er, the Swedish are, the Icelandic ari and the Gothic areis.  Related are the Ancient Greek ήριος (ḗrios) and the Old Church Slavonic арь (arĭ).  Although unrelated, the development of er was reinforced by the synonymous Old French or & eor and the Angle-Norman variant our, all derived from the Latin (ā)tor, the ultimate root being the primitive European tōr.  Dating from 1846, crap was the English slang for the proper term crapping ken which is crap’s first documented application to bodily waste although etymologists suspect it had been in widespread use for some time prior.  In this context, crap was used in the earlier English and French sense of “siftings, waste or rejected matter” and ken was an existing term for a small building or house.

The urban myth is part-truth, part-crap

The brand-name Crapper was first applied to a toilet designed and by plumber Thomas Crapper (1836-1910) and manufactured by the company he founded, Thomas Crapper & Co, Licenced Plumbers & Sanitary Engineers.  In 1884, the Prince of Wales (later Edward VII (1841–1910; King of the UK & Emperor of India 1901-1910)) purchased Sandringham House and asked Mr Crapper to supply the plumbing, including thirty flushing loos with cedarwood seats and enclosures.  Impressed with the quality, the prince granted the company their first Royal Warrant.  The occupational surname Crapper is a dialectal variant of cropper (harvester of crops, farmer).

It’s a linguistic coincidence that a Mr Crapper choose to become a plumber and begin manufacturing loos bearing his name which bore such similarity to both crap and crapping which had earlier been used to describe bodily and other waste.  Despite being a coincidence, decades before the internet spread fake news, the urban myth was well-established that the terms words crap and crapper, in their scatological sense, all derive from the efforts and products of Mr Crapper.  The myth is often fleshed-out with reference to US soldiers stationed in England during World War One popularizing the phrase "I'm going to the crapper", after seeing the name on barracks’ cisterns.  In the way army slang does, it was taken home when the servicemen returned to the US.  Despite this, most dictionaries cite the origin of the slang term to the 1920s with popular use becoming widespread by the mid 1930s.  It spread with the empire and was noted in the era to be in use in the Indian Army although, after 1947, the troops came often to prefer "I am going to Pakistan".

ride) and (4), spit out after brushing and do not rinse (this maintains the fluoride concentration level).

Selfie with crapper backdrop: Lindsay Lohan on the set of HBO's Eastbound & Down (2013), brushing teeth while smoking.  It's an unusual combination but might work OK if one smokes a menthol cigarette and uses a nurdle of mint toothpaste.  Other combinations might clash.

By one's name, one shall be remembered.

The long-standing urban myth that Mr Crapper actually invented the flushing loo seems to lie in the 1969 book Flushed with Pride: The Story of Thomas Crapper by New Zealand-born humorist Wallace Reyburn (1913–2001) which purported to be a legitimate history.  Reyburn later wrote a "biography" of an influential inventor who created another product without which modern life also (for half the population) would be possible but less comfortable.  His 1971 volume Bust-Up: The Uplifting Tale of Otto Titzling and the Development of the Bra detailed the life of the putative inventor of the brassiere, Otto Titzling.  Unlike Mr Crapper, Herr Titzling (Reyburn helpfully mansplaining that the correct pronunciation was "tit-sling") never existed.  In truth, the flushing loo has probably existed in a recognizably modern form since the 1400s but, although the designs were gradually improved, they remained expensive and it was not until the nineteenth century they achieved any real popularity and it was well into the next century with the advent of distributed sanitation systems that they became expected, everyday installations.  To mark the day of his death in 1910, 27 January is designated International Thomas Crapper Day.  Each year, on that day, at the right moment, briefly, all should pause, reflect and then with gratitude, proceed.

Lindsay Lohan mug shots on the doors of the crappers at the Aqua Shard restaurant.  Located on the 31st floor of The Shard in London, the view is panoramic.

Ass & Arse

Arse (pronounced ahrs)

(1) One of many slang terms for the human buttocks (in much of the English-speaking world except the US).

(2) By extension, one of many slang terms applied to the rear or back-end of anything, animal, vegetable or mineral (in much of the English-speaking world except the US).

(3) In Australian slang, effrontery; cheek.

(4) In slang, a stupid, pompous, arrogant, mean or despicable etc person, a use sometimes enlivened as “arsehole” (in much of the English-speaking world except the US).

(5) A person; the self; (reflexively) oneself or one's person, chiefly their body and by extension, one's personal safety, or figuratively one's job, prospects etc (in much of the English-speaking world except the US).

(6) In biochemistry, as ARSE, the abbreviation of arylsulfatase E (an enzyme, deficiencies in which are associated with abnormalities in cartilage and bone development).

Pre 1000: From the Middle English ars, eres & ers, from the Old English ærs & ears, from the Proto-West Germanic ars, from the Proto-Germanic arsaz and cognate with the Old Frisian ers, the Dutch aars, the Old Norse, Middle Low German, Old Saxon & Old High German ars (from which modern German gained Arsch), the Greek órrhos (rump (from orso-, used frequently in compounds)), the Armenian or̄kh and the Hittite arras.  All of the nouns derive ultimately probably from the primitive Indo-European h₃érsos- (backside, buttocks, tail), the source also of the Ancient Greek ourá & orros (tail, rump, base of the spine), the Hittite arrash and the Old Irish err (tail).  In the hierarchy of vulgarity, arse had an interesting history, beginning as something purely descriptive but, because of the association with the buttocks and their functions (with all that that implies), the word soon became a vulgar form, avoided in polite conversation.  That restraint lingered well into the twentieth century but even though things are now more relaxed, a careless use of arse in the wrong time and place, in the wrong company, can still cause offence.  The Latin arse was the vocative masculine singular of arsus, the perfect passive participle of ārdeō which was used with a variety of senses (1) to burn (to be consumed by fire), (2) Of eyes which glow or sparkle, (3) in poetic use, to glisten with a feature, usually with a colour, (4) figuratively, “to burn, be strongly affected with an emotion, (5), figuratively, “to be eager” & (6) figuratively, ardently or fervently to be in love, to burn with lustful or romantic desire.  Arse is a noun & verb; arsing is a verb and arsed is a verb & adjective; the noun plural is arses.

There can have been few words as productive as arse in the construction of slang and idiomatic forms, some of which survived while some died out.  To “hang the arse” (slow, reluctant; tardy) was from the 1630s while the more graphic (and in some cases presumably literal) “arse-winning” referred to income gained from prostitution "money obtained by prostitution" was in Middle English in the late fourteenth century.  The familiar “arse over tit” (to fall down; to fall over) is actually an alternative form of the original “arse over tip” which was first recorded in 1884 although it had probably long been in oral use.  Arseward was a synonym of backward in the fourteenth century while the mysterious arsy-versy (backside foremost) dates from the 1530s and was probably a reduplication of arse, perhaps with suggestions of “going backwards; in reverse”.  Arsehole can of course be literal (referencing the anus) and the late fourteenth century was spelled arce-hoole, an inheritance from the Old English in which the Latin anus was glossed with earsðerl (literally "arse-thrill" with the noun thrill used in its original sense of "hole".  Asshole (a stupid, pompous, arrogant, mean or despicable etc person) is also a frequently used term of abuse.  One long-serving Australian foreign minister, early in his undistinguished term was overheard referring to poor nations as “BACs” (busted arse countries) and while he never apologized, did sit smirking in parliament while the prime-minister assured the house he’d been assured it wouldn’t happen again (presumably the leak rather than the comment).  A smart-arse (a person thought flippant or insolent, usually with a tendency to make snide remarks) should not be confused with an arse-smart (also ars-smart), the herb Persicaria hydropiper (formerly Polygonum hydropiper), named in the early fourteenth century, the construct being arse + smart (in the sense of “pain”).  The herb was also at the time once culrage and since the late eighteenth century has been known as smartweed.  Arse smart was a direct translation of the Old French cul rage, the construct being the Old French cul + rage which some sources suggest is from the Latin rabies (from rabiō (to rage)) but evidence is lacking and the French word may have been a folk etymology.

In German "My ass!" is spelled "Mein Arsch!".

The list of arse-based phrases (some of which began in the US as “ass” slang) is long and perhaps impossible wholly to compile but some of the other more frequently used forms are (1) arseage or pure arse (good and usually undeserved luck), (2) arse licker (sycophancy, also expressed as suck arse or kiss arse), sometime used in conjunction with (3) arse-kicker (stern superior) in the phrase (4) “kisses up, kicks down” which refers to those obsequious towards superior and officious to subordinates, (5) light up someone’s arse (provide encouragement in a strident or violent manner) which Dr Joseph Goebbels (1897-1975; Nazi propaganda minister 1933-1945) used in typically imaginative manner, telling his staff just after the failure of the July 1944 plot to assassinate Adolf Hitler (1889-1945; German head of government 1933-1945 & head of state 1934-1945), “It takes a bomb under his arse to make Hitler see reason”, (6) arse about (and arse around) which can mean either “the wrong way around” or “behaving frivolously, wasting time”, (7) half-arsed (something done badly or improperly), (8) fat arse (someone overweight), (9) dumb arse (someone considered not intelligent or an act thought most unwise, (10) cover one's arse (to take such action as one considers necessary to avoid later blame or censure (this one definitely borrowed from the US), (11) to break one’s arse (working hard), (12) arse in a sling (an unfortunate state in one’s personal affairs, especially if the consequence of one’s own mistakes or ill-considered actions, (13) pain in the arse (someone or something troublesome or really annoying (pain in the neck the polite alternative)), (14) kick in the arse (a form of encouragement, a punishment or combination of the two), (15) bet your ass (an expression of certainty), (16) pulled it out of one’s arse (an admission of luck), the companion phrase being (17) can’t just pull it out of one’s arse (introducing a sense of reality to a conversation), (18) stick it up (your) arse (declining an offer, invitation or suggestion) and (19) can't be arsed (can’t be bothered).

Gratuitous objectification: One dozen pictures of Lindsay Lohan’s ass.

Ass (pronounced ass or ahrs)

(1) Ass is a noun and the adjectival form is ass-like (assesque a bit clumsy); the noun plural is asses.  adjective: asinine

(2) Either of two perissodactyl mammals of the horse family (Equidae), Equus asinus (African wild ass) or E. hemionus (Asiatic wild ass).  They are long-eared, slow, placid, sure-footed and easily domesticated, thus long used as a beast of burden.

(3) An alternative spelling of arse (buttocks or anus) and the standard form in the US and much of Canada.

(4) A stupid, foolish, absurdly pompous or stubborn person (although when seeking to suggest stubborn, “mule” was historically the more usual form).

(5) Someone with whom sexual intercourse is desired, contemplated or achieved and in those contexts can be used also to express admiration (nice piece of ass).

Pre-1000:  From the Middle English asse, from the Old English assa, probably a pet name or diminutive form based on a Celtic form such as the Old Irish asan or the Old Welsh asen, from the Latin asinus and akin to the Greek ónos (the donkey-like ass), from a non-Indo-European language of Asia Minor, possibly the Sumerian anše (ass).  The use as an alternative spelling of arse dates from the 1860s in the US and may be related to the increase in the mixing of linguistic traditions during the Civil War.

Arse thus is the British slang word referring to (1) the human or animal posterior, or (2) a stupid person.  Ass is the American equivalent and is used also as the name of the beast of burden so like “check”, in US English there is potential for confusion whereas in British & Commonwealth use, the ass/arse & cheque/check distinction avoids this although, given the differences in definition, ass is less prone than check.  Some style guides and the more helpful dictionaries caution that ass in the US is less acceptable that arse has become in the commonwealth and when speaking of the beast, donkey or mule is often used, even when zoologically dubious.  Still, the word is useful and on Reddit there’s the subreddit AITA ("Am I the asshole), which is the clearing house for enquiries where those involved in disputes can seek views on whether they are in the wrong.

Dick Assman (Assman the Gasman), Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada, 1995.

Dick Assman (1934-2016) was a Canadian gas (petrol) station employee who gained his fifteen minutes (actually several months) of fame by virtue of his name which came to the attention of US talk-show host David Letterman (b 1947).  Seeing the comedic potential, Letterman in mid-1995 added a nightly segment called Assman the Gasman which lasted a few weeks but it generated for Mr Assman so much name-recognition, that it led to opportunities such as judging beauty contests.  The names Assman & Assmann are of fourteenth century German origin and are thought variations of Erasmus from the Ancient Greek erasmos (loved).  It was originally a personal name which evolved into a surname as the conventions of family names evolved in the post-feudal period.  Mr Assman enjoyed the celebrity ride but did note the name is correctly pronounced oss-man.

Bismarck class Schlachtschiff (battleship) KMS Tirpitz. 

Vice Admiral Kurt Assmann (1883-1962) had a career at sea before between in 1933 appointed head of the historical section of the German Navy (Kriegsmarine which would later become Oberkommando der Marine (OKL; the naval high command)).  The books he published in the post-war years are a valuable source of facts and a helpful chronology but much of his analysis about political and naval strategy was criticized on both sides of the Iron Curtain.  His nephew was naval Captain Heinz Assmann (1904—1954) who for a time served on the Bismarck-class battleship KMS Tirpitz and was later attached to Oberkommando der Wehrmacht (OKW; the armed forces high command).  His notable contribution to history was being in the conference room on 20 July 1944 when the bomb intended to kill Hitler exploded.  After recovering from his injuries, he returned to his duties at OKW and was attached to the Flensburg staff of Grand Admiral Karl Dönitz (1891–1980; head of the German Navy 1943-1945, German head of state 1945) when the latter was named in Hitler’s political testament as his successor as head of state, his time in office lasting three weeks.  Captain Assmann subsequently was interviewed by allied investigators who were seeking fully to understand the chain of events of on the day of the July plot.  Between 1953-1954, he served as a member of the Hamburg Parliament.

The ass in thought crime

Thou shalt not covet is one of the biblical Ten Commandments (or Decalogue), regarded by most scholars as moral imperatives.  Both Exodus and Deuteronomy describe the commandments as having been spoken by God, inscribed on two stone tablets by the finger of God, and, after Moses shattered the originals, rewritten by God on others.

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s house. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife, or his male or female servant, his ass, or anything that belongs to thy neighbor.

Thy neighbor's ass.

It differs from the other nine in that while they’re concerned with the actions of sinners, the prohibition on being a coveter is about a sinner's thoughts and thus, an early description of thoughtcrime (a word coined by George Orwell (1903-1950) for his dystopian 1949 novel Nineteen Eighty-Four).  Indeed Matthew (5:21-21, 27-28) anticipates Orwell in saying that it’s not enough merely to obey the commandment “thou shalt not commit adultery” because “…anyone who looks upon a woman with lust has already committed adultery in his heart”.  Jimmy Carter (b 1924; US President 1977-1981) quoted this in his Playboy interview, a statement of presidential probity neither shared nor always adhered to by all his successors and predecessors.  In that context, it should be remembered there's an (unwritten) eleventh commandment: "Thou shall not get caught".

Tape

Tape (pronounced teyp)

(1) A long, narrow strip of linen, cotton, or the like, used for tying garments, binding seams or carpets etc.

(2) A long, narrow strip of paper, metal etc.

(3) A strip of cloth, paper, or plastic with an adhesive surface, used for sealing, binding, or attaching items together; adhesive tape or masking tape; the trade-name “Scotch Tape” is often used as a generic descriptor.

(4) As tape measure, a flexible type of ruler, especially useful for measuring curved shapes.

(5) As finishing tape, the string stretched across the finishing line in a race and broken by the winning contestant on crossing the line; also sometimes incorrectly referred to as “finishing line” which technically is the line marked on the ground.

(6) In financial trading or news dissemination, a paper tape on which a stock ticker, news ticker or similar device would print incoming information (obsolete although the concept is still used in digital form).

(7) As magnetic tape, a usually re-usable media used to record, store and retrieve information and mounted in devices such as tape recorders, tape decks, tape arrays and tape drives, the physical tape on spools or in cassettes; in more precise forms as audio tape, data tape, videotape etc.

(8) To furnish with a tape or tapes.

(9) To tie up, bind, or attach with tape.

(10) To measure with or as if with a tape measure.

(11) To record on magnetic tape (although the phrase “to tape” is used also to refer to recording and similar activities even when no physical tape is used.

(12) As red tape, a slang term referencing bureaucratic inefficiency and delay, named after the literal red (actually often a shade of mauve) for centuries used in the British civil service to secure un-bound files.

(13) In mechanical printing, a strong flexible band rotating on pulleys for directing the sheets in a printing machine (mostly obsolete).

Pre 1000: From the Middle English tape (an unexplained variant of tappe), from the Old English tæppa & tæppe (ribbon, strip (of cloth), literally “part torn off”), akin to the Middle Low German tappen & tāpen (to grab, pull, rip, tear, snatch, pluck) and related to the Old Frisian tapia (to pull, rip, tear), the Middle High German zāfen & zāven (to pull, tear) and the Middle Dutch tapen (to tear).  The source of the Old English tæppa & tæppe is uncertain but etymologists suggest they may be back-formations from the Latin tapete (cloth, carpet).  The original short vowel became long in Middle English.  Tape & taping are nouns & verbs and taped is a verb; the noun plural is tapes.

Many other languages picked up tape or localized variations including Danish (tape), Dutch (tape), Hausa (têf), Hindi (टेप (ṭep)), Irish (téip), Japanese テープ (tēpu), Korean (테이프 (teipeu)), Norwegian (both Nynorsk & Bokmål) (tape & teip), Swahili (tepe), Swedish (tape & tejp), Thai (เทป (téep)), Tibetan (ཊེབ (ṭeb)), Turkish (teyp), Phalura (ṭeép) and Welsh (tâp) although, since tape began to be used in the context recording & storage media, the English “tape” is often used even if a local form exists in the sense of “to bind” or “a strip of fabric” etc.  The word is widely used as an element (tapeworm, magnetic-tape, tape-drive, tape-machine, tape-gun, tape-loader, tape-recorder, ticker tape, tape-measure, cassette tape et al) and there are a wide variety of adhesive tapes (electrical tape, duct tape, gaffer tape (originally gaffer's tape) sticky tape, Scotch tape & Sellotape (both registered trademarks), masking tape, packing (or packaging or parcel) tape, insulating (or insulation) tape et al), each with a slightly different specification dictated by their intended purpose or spot in the market. 

Tape scene: Lindsay Lohan as Tess Conway in Freaky Friday (2003).

Adhesive tape dates from 1885 and until the form prevailed, the product was known also as friction tape and two of the best-known, Gaffer tape and duct tape are often confused but, being designed for different purposes, are not interchangeable; distinct in construction and intended application, there can be unfortunate consequences if one is used for tasks where the other would be more appropriate.  The first tape recorders in the modern sense of a "device for recording sound on magnetic tape" were available for sale in 1932 and were then “reel-to-reel” machines, a re-use of the 1892 application describing a "device for recording data on ticker tape", that tape in the sense of "paper strip of a printer", dating from 1884.  Strangely, the verb form “tape-record” seems not to have be used prior to 1950 although the technology had for first been used in 1928; audio-tape is said to from 1957 whereas, counter-intuitively, videotape is attested as a noun from 1953 and a verb from 1958, the explanation being that tape was more widely used earlier in film & television production than in the recording industry which needed less storage space until technologies like LP (long-playing) records and stereo were adopted.  The tape-measure is attested from 1873 and the technical phrase “tape-delay” is from 1968 although the associated techniques had been in use for some time.  The disgusting tapeworm was first named in 1705, so called for its ribbon-like shape.

The phrase red tape (official bureaucratic routine or formula especially the excessive rigmarole), dates from 1736 and refers to the red tape (often also a shade of mauve), formerly used in the British civil service (and many of the colonies including the Raj) for binding up legal and other official documents, the item (requisitioned by the roll) mentioned in the civil service supply lists fist in the 1690s.  The familiar Sellotape was first sold in the UK in 1949 and is a proprietary name of a popular brand of cellulose or plastic adhesive tape.  The noun cassette, much associated with magnetic tape is from the 1793 French cassette (a little box), from a diminutive of the Old North French casse (box) and the first cassettes in the sense of "magnetic tape cartridge" is from 1960.  The ticker tape dates from 1891 and was the actual physical paper tape on which was printed the information (stock prices, news et al) and was derive from the 1883 ticker (telegraphic device for recording stock market quotations), so made because the printing was by means of impact and thus made a ticking sound when in operation.

Marilyn Monroe's dress

Kim Kardashian (b 1980) wore to the 2022 Met Gala the marquisette dress made famous by Marilyn Monroe (1926-1962) when she appeared to sing happy birthday Mr President to President Kennedy (1917-1963; US president 1961-1963) during a Democratic Party fundraiser at Madison Square Garden on 19 May 1962, ten days before the actual birthday.  Within three months, she would be dead.

It couldn’t be expected to cause quite the same stir as sixty years earlier because, cut from a sheer, silk marquisette that almost exactly matched Ms Monroe’s skin-tone, the 2500 hand-sewn rhinestones were intricately positioned to respond to the particular gait she chose for that evening and, under the limelight in the darkened amphitheater, as she moved, the crystals sparkled and the dress came alive.  It was quite a design.  In the hard, white light of the Met Gala’s red carpet, it couldn’t be expected to work the magic it did all those years ago and, not shimmering in the darkness, it seemed lifeless and perhaps it would have benefited from the contrast her lustrous natural hair would have lent but Ms Kardashian wore it well, attracting admiration (and criticism from the usual suspects) too for the reasonable achievement of shedding some 16 lbs (7¼ KG) in three weeks to ensure a comfortable fit.  Digesting the implications of that, keen-eyed fashionistas noted the vintage white coat which Ms Kardashian kept strategically positioned below the small of her back for the ritual walk to and up the staircase, some taking to Twitter to wonder if it was there to conceal that things were quite fully done-up.

The theory is plausible; it’s always been known that in 1962, Ms Monroe had to be “sewn-into” the dress just before the performance.  The day after the Met Gala, photographs circulated purporting to show Ms Kardashian with a generously sized, pear-shaped lacuna between the seams, accompanied with the accusation that the images showing things done up had been digitally modified and the haters were certainly out, one distressed soul lamenting that for Ms Kardashian to wear the dress "...was an absolute disgrace, a tacky photo opportunity" and that "...one of the most important items of clothing in history, is now tainted with the stain of the Kardashians."  There are people who do take pop-culture very seriously.  The green dress she changed into after her ascent had similar lines (and perhaps slightly more generous dimensions) but was certainly done-up and anyway, in either, she looked gorgeous. 

Kim Kardashian demonstrating gaffer tape used in a way not included in the manufacturer's instructions, February 2016.

On that night in 1962, Ms Munroe eschewed underwear but, despite the absent 16 pounds, in 2022 there was still a little more to accommodate than that for which the original structural engineering was designed to cope.  Fortunately, through long practice and extensive product development, Ms Kardashian has some expertise in invisible support, in February 2016 publishing her findings:

“I’ve used everything from duct tape to packing tape to masking tape and I think that the best I’ve found is gaffer's tape,” she said.  "It sticks the best. Make sure you don't have any lotion or oils on when you're lifting your boobs up with the tape.  Just brace yourself for when it's time to take it off, LOL."

That was of course the problem, gaffer tape intended to stick to a range of dry surfaces including timber, metal and carpet but certainly not human skin, the consequences including irritation, reddening and even losing layers of skin.  In response, Ms Kardashian developed a tape which combined the functionality of gaffer tape with the strength and durability to support the weight yet able to be removed with the effortlessness of surgical tape, leaving the skin un-damaged.  Such tapes have been sold for a while, the industry jargon being “tit tape” but the Kardashian version is claimed to be better and, significantly, available in three tones which should suit most skin colors.  Simply called “Body Tape”, it comes in rolls and can be cut to suit, preparation otherwise limited to peeling off the paper backing before applying to achieve the desired effect.  Borrowing from the concept of gaffer tape, Body Tape is reinforced with a flexible stretch cotton, designed to be not too flexible because it needs to stretch only to accommodate human movement while retaining a natural look; it must therefore exist in a “goldilocks zone”, that sweet spot between elasticity and rigidity.

On her Skims website, there’s a helpful promotional video demonstrating Body Tape being applied to a model, the commentary emphasizing it needs to be placed at an angle which will suit the clothing with which it’s to be worn and that typically will mean describing a diagonal angle which will vary according to the neckline being accommodated.  It’s a process which might be better done by two so it’s something couples can enjoy together although, with practice, presumably one would become adept at taping one’s self.  When clothed, the results were impressive though obviously results will vary according to technique and the raw material involved.  The final test was of course was the removal, the reason Body Tape was developed and, without any obvious discomfort, the model peeled off the tape.  "That wasn't painful at all", cheerfully she confirmed.

Skims Body Tape (edited highlights).

The Watergate tapes and the erased 18½ minutes

Looking over his shoulder: Richard Nixon (1913-1994; US president 1969-1974, right) and HR Haldeman (1926–1993; White House chief of staff 1969-1973, left) in the White House.

Tapes, audio and video, have played a part in many political downfalls but none is more famous than the “smoking gun” tape which compelled the resignation of Richard Nixon after it revealed he was involved in the attempt to cover-up the involvement in the Watergate break-in of some connected to his administration.  Recording conversations in the White House had been going on for years and Nixon initially had the equipment removed, the apparatus re-installed two years later after it was found there was no other way to ensure an accurate record of discussions was maintained.  Few outside a handful of the president’s inner circle knew of the tapes and they became public knowledge only in mid-1973 when, under oath before a congressional hearing, a White House official confirmed their existence.  That was the point at which Nixon should have destroyed the tapes and for the rest of his life he must sometimes have reflected that but for that mistake, his presidency might have survived because, although by then the Watergate scandal had been a destabilizing distraction, there was at that point no “smoking gun”, nothing which linked Nixon himself to any wrongdoing.  As it was, he didn’t and within days subpoenas were served on the White House demanding the tapes and that made them evidence; the moment for destruction had passed.  Nixon resisted the subpoenas, claiming executive privilege and thus ensued the tussle between the White House and Watergate affair prosecutors which would see the “Saturday Night Massacre” during which two attorneys-general were fired, the matter ultimately brought before the US Supreme Court which ruled against the president.  Finally, the subpoenaed tapes were surrendered on 5 August 1973, the “smoking gun” tape revealing Nixon HR Haldeman, 1926–1993 (White House chief of staff 1969-1973) discussing a cover-up plan and at that point, political support in the congress began to evaporate and the president was advised that impeachment was certain and even Republican senators would vote to convict.  On 8 August, Nixon announced his resignation, leaving office the next day.

Uher 5000 reel-to-reel tape recorder used by a White House secretary to create the tape (20 June 1972) with the infamous 18½ minute gap (government exhibit #60: Records of District Courts of the United States, Record Group 21, (National Archives Identifier): 595593).

To this day, mystery surrounds one tape in particular, a recording of a discussion between Nixon and Halderman on 20 June 1972, three days after the Watergate break-in.  Of obviously great interest, when reviewed, there was found to be a gap of 18½ minutes, the explanations offered of how, why or by whom the erasure was effected ranging from the humorously accidental to the darkly conspiratorial but half a century on, it remains a mystery.  Taking advantage of new data-recovery technology, the US government did in subsequent decades make several attempts to “un-delete” the gap but without success and it may be, given the nature of magnetic tape, literally there is nothing left to find.  However, the tape is stored in a secure, climate-controlled facility in case technical means emerge and while it’s unlikely the contents would reveal anything not already known or assumed, it would be of great interest to historians.

What might be more interesting still is the identity of who it was that erased those infamous 18½ minutes but that will likely never be known; after fifty years, it’s thought that were there to be any death-bed confessions, they should by now have been utterd.  Some have their lists of names of those who might have "pressed the erase button" and while mostly sub-sets of Watergate's "usual suspects", one who tends not to appear is Nixon himself, the usual consensus being his well-known ineptitude in handling modern technology would rendered him a most unlikely editor though it's at least possible he ordered someone to do the deed.  However it happened, the suspects most often mentioned as having had their "finger on the button" (which may have been a foot-pedal) are Nixon's secretary and his chief of staff.  The long-serving secretary (Rose Mary Woods, 1917–2005) actually admitted to “inadvertently” erasing some 4-5 minutes of the recording by way of the “terrible mistake” of putting her foot on the “wrong pedal” while stretching to answer the desk telephone.  In explanation, she demonstrated how it happened (a reasonable piece of office gymnastics which reporters dubbed the “Rose Mary Stretch”) but always maintained there was no way she was responsible for a longer gap.  Halderman always denied any involvement in the mystery and Nixon always maintained he was shocked and disappointed when told of the silence.