Carp

Carp (pronounced kahrp)

(1) To find fault or complain querulously or unreasonably; be niggling in criticizing; cavil.

(2) A peevish complaint; to find fault with; to censure; to complain about a fault.

(3) A large, freshwater teleost (of, or relating to the Teleostei (fish with bony skeletons)) food fish of the family Cyprinidae (Cyprinus carpio), characterized by a body covered with cycloid scales, a naked head, one long dorsal fin, and two barbels on each side of the mouth.  It was native to Asia but was widely introduced in tropical and temperate waters; an important food fish in many countries and an introduced invasive pest in others.  There is one .cyprinid genus which tolerates salt water although many at times inhabit brackish water.

(4) Any of various other fishes of the family Cyprinidae; a cyprinid.

(5) In botany, a combining form occurring in compounds that denote a part of a fruit or fruiting body (best known in the form endocarp (the woody inner layer of the pericarp of some fruits that contains the seed).

(6) To say; to tell (obsolete).

1200-1250:  From the Middle English carpen (talk; to speak, to tell (someone something)), from the Old Norse karpa (to brag, wrangle) & karp (bragging) of unknown origin but linked to the Vulgar Latin carpere because of the meaning shift to “find fault with”, under the influence of the Latin carpō.  By the late fourteenth century, the sense had been further refined to mean “complain excessively about minor faults, often petulantly or without reason.  The Latin carpere (literally “to pluck” was used to convey the idea of "to slander or revile”), from the primitive Indo-European root kerp- (to gather, pluck, harvest).  The original sense in English (talk; to speak, to tell (someone something)) was between the mid-fifteenth and early sixteenth centuries maintained in the noun carper (talker), an agent noun from the carp; the modern sense of “a fault-finder” began to prevail from the 1570s.  Thus carping, which in the late thirteenth century was recorded as meaning “talk, speech; talkativeness, foolish talk” and was a verbal noun from the verb also by the 1570s came to be used to impart the idea of “unreasonable criticism or censure”.  The botanical use was from the New Latin -carpium, from the Greek -karpion, a derivative of karpós (fruit).

Among critics, there are clappers and carpers.

The name of the fish was from the late fourteenth century Middle English carpe, via the Old French carpa (the source also of the Italian & Spanish carpa), from either the Middle Dutch or the Middle Low German karpe and cognate with the Old High German karpfo, the Middle Dutch carpe, the Dutch karper, the Old High German karpfo & the German Karpfen (carp).  Although documentary evidence is lacking, some etymologists suggest the origin may be East Germanic (perhaps the unrecorded Gothic karpa) because the fish was in the fourteenth century introduced into English waterways from the Danube.  The Lithuanian karpis and the Russian karp are Germanic loan words but the most attractive name for the fish is doubtlessly the Japanese koi, first noted in 1727.  The ubiquitous goldfish is a type of carp and was introduced to Europe from China where it was native, their natural dull olive skins rendered by selective breeding into silver, red & black as well as the familiar orange.  The phrase “living in a goldfish bowl” dates from 1935 and was used figuratively to suggest a “lack of privacy”, based on the circular bowls in which the domestic pet fish were often kept, affording all a 360^o view of their activities.  The use of the noun gallimaufry (a medley, hash, hodge-podge) to describe various recipes of carp stews is mysterious but presumably related to the many other ingredients included to make the dish more palatable, the freshwater carp not highly regarded compared to the alternatives.  Carp convey a specific sense of the way a criticism is delivered and is subtly different from words like deprecate, condemn, censure, grumble, quibble, complain, criticize or reproach is that it’s held to be something nit-picking or pedantic.  Carp & carper are nouns; carped is a verb and carping is a verb, adjective & noun; the noun plural is carps although, of the fish, carp tends to be used when speaking collectively except when it’s regarding two or more species in which case it’s carps.

In some Australian waterways, carp have become a notable environmental threat, crowding out native species and adversely affecting water-quality because of their mud-sucking ways, causing erosion and killing of trees close to the water’s edge.  Although some water birds benefit from the abundant food source, they’re a rare winner.  The invasive species was introduced to the countries over a hundred years ago but the populations spiked massively after the 1960s when one genetic strain escaped from a fish farm in Victoria and in some places carp now constitute some 90% of the aquatic biomass.  As filter feeders (mud-suckers), they forage in the riverbeds, damaging aquatic plants, a feeding style which induces turbidity in the water, something unsuitable for many native fish.  Carp reproduce quickly, lack natural predators and are highly adaptable, able to take over ecological niches adding further stress to local flora & fauna.

In October 2022, a six-year research project to investigate the potential to introduce a herpes virus to control the carp delivered a final report to the Commonwealth & state governments.  In the national parliament, then deputy prime-minister and minister for Agriculture Barnaby Joyce MP (b 1967; thrice deputy prime-minister of Australia, 2016-date (the gaps due to “local difficulties”)) warmed to the idea of unleashing a venereal disease on “disgusting, mud-sucking carp”.

Squiffy

Squiffy (pronounced skwiff-e)

An informal term describing someone somewhere on the spectrum of drunkenness, now used mostly of mild yet obvious intoxication.

Late 1800s: Based on the surname Asquith and coined because of habit of Herbert Henry Asquith (1852–1928; UK prime-minister 1908-1916) in appearing in the House of Commons, visibly affected by alcohol.  From this he earned (and richly deserved) the sobriquet “Squiffy".  Squiffy, squiffier, squiffiest & squiffed are adjectives, squiffiness & Squiffite are nouns and squiffily is an adverb; historically, the the most common noun plural was Squiffites.  The concocted noun squiffinessness is wholly jocular and sometimes appropriate. 

HH Asquith was brought up in a provincial household in the puritan tradition where alcohol was rarely served but, after a second marriage in which he took a socialite wife and began to move in the circles of London’s glittering society, his fondness grew for fine wines and spirits.  These tastes he took with him when he entered parliament in 1885 and his assumption of the premiership two decades later did little to diminish his thirst.

Henry & Venita.

Nor did it seem to affect his vitality.  In his early sixties he became quite besotted with Venetia Stanley (1887-1948), the twenty-five year old best friend of his daughter and between 1912-1915 he would spend much time in cabinet writing her love letters.  One would have thought a British prime-minister might have much else on his mind in during these years, but “old squiffy” seemed to fit it all in, Andrew Bonar Law (1858–1923; UK prime-minister 1922-1923) admitting at the time that Asquith “when drunk could make a better speech than any of us sober”.  Sometimes though, even for him, it proved too much.  After one very long lunch left him more than usually squiffy, he fell asleep in the house, unable to be roused to speak in support of his bill dealing with the Church of Wales, leaving its carriage to the postmaster general Herbert Samuel (1870–1963) and attorney-general Sir Rufus Isaacs (1860–1935).  It prompted Arthur Balfour (1848–1930; UK prime-minister 1902-1905) to assure the good people of the Welsh Church that all would be well because the matters were in the hands of “…one drunken Christian and two sober Jews.”  The laws of of the nation have since sometimes been in less capable hands. 

Anti-squiffiness device: Lindsay Lohan wearing one of AMS's (Alcohol Monitoring Systems) SCRAMs (Secure Continuous Remote Alcohol Monitoring).

He led the government for eight-odd years, his first cabinet in 1908 probably the most lustrous of the century and his fall from office probably little to do with alcohol, his character simply not suited to lead a government during wartime.  In subsequent years, he retained a following that became a faction of the Liberal Party and which would be a notable factor in British politics; they were called the Squiffites, a formation easier on the tongue than Asquithite.  English has a rich vocabulary of synonyms for drunk including buzzed, inebriated, laced, lit, magoted, muddled, pissed, plastered, potted, sloshed, shit-faced, squiffy, stewed, tanked, tipsy, totaled, wasted, boozed, groggy, juiced, liquored, tight, under the influence & under-the-table; not all are used in every country and some overlap with descriptions of the effects of other drugs but it’s an impressively long list.  One interesting aspect of the use of squiffy is that it tends to be used with a modifier: the practice being to say “a bit squiffy” or “a little bit squiffy” and it seems now more applied to women.

There may on 4 August 2021 have been some sort of equipment malfunction somewhere in the apparatus used to record and broadcast parliamentary questions from the Australian House of Representatives because many viewers concluded the deputy prime-minister was a bit squiffy.  Question time is held at 2pm (just after lunch).  One constituent wrote to the speaker’s office to enquire and received an assurance from a staff member it’s not possible for a member to appear in the house while squiffy.  Her prompt response was helpful.

The Hon Barnaby Joyce MP (b 1967; thrice deputy prime-minister of Australia, 2016-date (the gaps due to "local difficulties")), House of Representatives, Canberra, Australia, 4 August 2021.  For observers of Mr Joyce who may be searching for the right word, when one is obviously affected by squiffiness, one may be said to be squiffed or squiffy; the comparative being squiffier and the superlative squiffiest.

Migraine

Migraine (pronounced mahy-greyn or mee-greyn (non-U))

(1) An extremely severe paroxysmal headache, usually confined to one side of the head and often associated with nausea; hemicrania.

(2) A neurological condition characterised by such headaches

1325–1375: From the Middle English, from the Old French migraigne, from (as an imperfect echoic) the Medieval Latin hēmicrānia (pain in one side of the head, headache) and the Greek hemikrania, the construct being hemi (half) + kranion (skull).  The earliest form in English was megrim or mygrame with the spelling revised in 1777 to adopt the French form.  It’s never been clear if any of the European forms are a calque of the Egyptian gs-tp (headache), a construct of gs (half) + tp (head); the link between the Egyptian magical papyri and the Greek hēmikranía (ἡμικρανία) is undocumented and could be coincidental.  The corrupt form megrim was in common use between the fifteenth & early twentieth centuries is now obsolete although it did for a while endure in its secondary senses of "depression; low spirits" (and curiously, "a whim or fancy").  Migraine is a noun and migrainoid & migrainous are adjectives; the noun plural is migraines.

Technically, a migraine is a severe, often recurring, headache, usually affecting only one side of the head, characterized by sharp pain and often accompanied by nausea, vomiting, sensitivity to light, and visual disturbances.  Vasodilation in the brain causes inflammation which results in pain, but the exact cause of migraine remains unknown.  In casual use there’s a tendency, not restricted to hypochondriacs, to use word to describe even mild headaches.

Donald Trump, Crooked Hillary Clinton & Boris Johnson demonstrate the single-handed reaction to a migraine.

Despite advances, the exact causes of migraines are yet fully to be understood and although there's a consensus migraines are complex neurological conditions triggered by various factors, it may be they are inherent to the nature of being human and while treatments may improve, many neurologists have cautioned there may never be a “cure” although it’s noted a susceptibility to migraines seems to run in families, suggesting there may be a genetic predisposition.  At the physical level, abnormalities in the brain's nerve pathways and chemical signaling are believed to be involved, changes in the levels of neurotransmitters such as serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine suggested as causative agents.  The triggers appear to vary between individuals although the most commonly mentioned include foods such as aged cheeses, chocolate, caffeine, and artificial sweeteners, alcohol, stress, hormonal changes (seemingly only in women), changes in sleep patterns, sensory stimuli (bright lights, loud noises, strong odors), weather changes, and certain medications.  Critical too appear to be (1) abnormalities in the brainstem and its interactions with the trigeminal nerve (a major pain pathway) and (2) fluctuations in blood flow to the brain, including constriction and dilation of blood vessels.  Interestingly, as varied as the causes may be, so too is the effectiveness of the treatments and doctors frequently report a regimen some patients finds most efficacious might achieve nothing on others reporting the same symptoms, and possible triggers.

Lindsay Lohan demonstrates the two-handed reaction to a migraine although, given the migraine typically afflicts only one side of the head, this may be a more common response to the (usually) less severe but more widespread headache.

The Migraine Pose

A staple of portrait photography for decades, the migraine pose isn’t new but Instagram is a big-machine database and it’s now easy to identify trends and spikes in techniques.  The migraine look seems to have peaked in late 2018 and although still often posted, the historic moment of the trend seems to have passed.  The pose is achieved by using one hand to pulling the face up by the temples, a look reminiscent of someone suffering a migraine.  Classically done with one hand because the headache from which it borrows the name usually is localised to one side of the head, models adopt the look because it tightens the face, renders cheekbones more prominent and lifts the brows, a kind of instant facelift.  The hand may be placed on the temples, forehead or crown but should be done with a light touch, not a gripping of the head or hair.  Models also caution neophytes not to neglect the hands and nails because nothing spoils even a perfectly composed photograph like a poor manicure.

Gigi Hadad: The perfect migraine pose by a professional model.  With that bone structure and flawless skin, she doesn't need the artifice the technique can lend those falling short of her structural ideal but the pose adds variety to a photo shoot and photographers still like it.

Barnaby Joyce (b 1967; thrice (between local difficulties) deputy prime minister of Australia 2016-2022):  Although Mr Joyce seems frequently to adopt the migraine pose, the consensus is it's not an attempt to make himself more attractive in photographs and it's likely he actually suffers headaches.  These could be caused by many things.

Of course, Mr Joyce may also have been the cause of migraines in a few of his colleagues.  He's pictured here in 2018 with Malcolm Turnbull (b 1954; Australian prime-minister 2015-2018).

Crumb

Crumb (pronounced kruhm)

(1) A small particle of bread, cake, biscuit etc that has broken off.

(2) A small particle or portion of anything; fragment; bit.

(3) The soft inner portion of a bread, as distinguished from the crust (archaic).

(4) In the plural crumbs, a cake topping made of sugar, flour, butter, and spice, usually crumbled on top of the raw batter and baked with the cake.

(5) In slang, a nobody; a contemptibly objectionable or worthless person (rare).

(6) In cooking, to dress, coat or prepare with crumbs or to remove crumbs from (literally to de-crumb).

(7) To break into crumbs or small fragments.

(8) In the industrial production of food, a mixture of sugar, cocoa and milk, used to make bulk cooking chocolate.

(9) In (predominately historic military) slang, a body louse (Pediculus humanus).

Pre 1000: From the Middle English crome, cromme, crumme & crume, from the Old English cruma (crumb, fragment), from the Proto-Germanic krumô & krūmô (fragment, crumb), from the primitive Indo-European grū-mo- (something scraped together, lumber, junk; to claw, scratch), from ger- (to turn, bend, twist, wind).  It was cognate with the Dutch kruim (crumb), the Low German Krome & Krume (crumb), the Middle High German krūme & German Krume (crumb), the Danish krumme (crumb), the Swedish dialectal krumma (crumb) & the Swedish inkråm (crumbs, giblets), the Icelandic krumur (crumb), the Latin grūmus (a little heap (usually of earth) and the Ancient Greek grumea (from ψιχίον (psichion)) (bag or chest for old clothes).

The un-etymological -b- appeared in the mid-fifteenth century as in limb & climb to match crumble and words like dumb, numb & thumb although there may also have been the influence of French words like humble (where it makes sense, unlike in in English where it’s just silly given crumb should be spelled “crum” or “krum”.  The slang meaning "lousy person" dates from 1918, linked to US troops who had picked up crumb as a word to describe the body-louses well known in the trenches on the Western Front in France.  The use to refer to louses, base on the resemblance, was from another war, attested from 1863 during the US Civil War.  The obsolete alternative spelling was the dialectal crimb.  Crumb, crumbling, crumbler, crumbling & crumble are nouns & verbs, crumbled is a verb, crumbly is a noun & adjective and crumbable is an adjective; the noun plural is crumbs.

The adjective crummy dates from the 1560s in the sense of “easily crumbled" but within a decade had come also to mean "like bread", the slang adoption of which to suggest "shoddy, filthy, inferior, poorly made" in use by 1859, either from the earlier sense or influenced by the more recent used to refer to the louse.  In one curiosity thought probably related to the resemblance to certain loaves of bread, crummy was briefly (although dialectical use did persist) used in the eighteenth century to describe a woman, "attractively plump, full-figured, buxom" although any link with Robert Crumb’s later work Stormy Daniels is mere coincidence.  The related forms are crummily & crumminess.  The adjective crumby (full of crumbs) is from 1731 and while it overlapped with crummy, it seems almost always to have been applied literally.

The verb crumble is from the late-fifteenth century kremelen (to break into small fragments (transitive)), from the Old English crymelan, thought to be the frequentative of gecrymman (to break into crumbs), from cruma; the intransitive sense of "fall into small pieces" dating from the 1570s.  As a noun, crumb has meant "a fragment" at least since the 1570s but as a cake or dessert-topping (made of sugar, flour, butter, and spice, usually crumbled on top of the raw batter and baked with the dish), the first known reference is in English newspapers in 1944, one of the techniques recommended as a culinary innovation during the wartime food rationing, the best remembered of which is the vegetarian “Woolton Pie”, named after Lord Woolton (1883-1964; UK Minister of Food 1940-1943)

Stormy Daniels (2019) by Robert Crumb.

Robert Crumb (b 1943) is an US cartoonist, associated since the 1960s with the counter-culture and some strains of libertarianism; he was one of the most identifiable figures of the quasi-underground comix movement.  There is a genre-description of the long-typical women in his work as “Crumb women” based on the depiction of the physical characteristics he most admired although, for reasons he’s widely discussed, he no longer feels the need to draw women in that manner.  He still draws women but the work is now more literally representational, his portrait of pornographic actress & director Stormy Daniels (Stephanie Gregory Clifford; b 1979) a more sympathetic interpretation than Donald Trump's (b 1946; US president 2017-2021) ungracious description of her as “horse face”.  Really, President Trump should be more respectful towards a three-time winner of F.A.M.E.'s (Fans of Adult Media and Entertainment) much coveted annual "Favorite Breasts" Award.

Handed down on Tuesday 30 November 2021, Set the Standard is a report by sex discrimination commissioner Kate Jenkins (b 1968) on behalf of the Human Rights Commission, exploring bullying, sexual harassment and sexual assault experienced by those working in commonwealth parliamentary workplaces in Australia.  The report recommends (1) codes of conduct which should apply to both parliamentarians and their staff and (2) standards of conduct within the parliamentary space.  The printed version includes evidence from some seventeen hundred individuals, including almost 150 current or former parliamentarians and some 900 current or former staffers.  At this time, it appears the only restriction placed on politician’s behavior is the so-called “bonk-ban”, the proscription of ministers and their staff enjoying sex together, a thing imposed in the wake of the revelation of Barnaby Joyce's (b 1967; thrice (between local difficulties) deputy prime-minister of Australia 2016-2022) adulterous affair with the taxpayer-funded help.  The way around that is apparently for ministers to arrange staff-swaps with other offices because the bonk-ban doesn’t extend to sex with other people’s staff and it’ll be fun to see what tricks and techniques are adopted as work-arounds to avoid what little will be done between the three months it takes for the Jenkins’ report to work its way through the system and the following three weeks it takes to forget about it.  The politicians like things the way they are; expect more of the same.

Although it didn’t make it into the report, one group of enablers of poor conduct subsequently identified were the “crumb ladies”, the female politicians who are doughty defenders of the predatory male politicians who are the perpetrators of abuse inflicted on women, the reference to crumbs being the pathetic and insignificant rewards tossed their way by the male establishment who divide the spoils of office mostly among themselves.  While the men enjoy the important jobs, the most lucrative perks and the best travel to civilized spots, the "crumb ladies", knowing their place and toeing the line, might pick up the odd appointment as an "assistant something" or a holiday (disguised as a study trip) to somewhere where (usually) it’s safe to drink the water.  The existence of the parliament’s “crumb ladies” alludes to the use of crumbs as a device in the New Testament.  Crumbs which fall from the table appear in an increasing number of translations and of particular theological interest are Matthew 15:27 and Mark 7:28.  However, the best illustration in this context is probably Luke 16:21: "...and desiring to be fed with the crumbs which fell from the rich man's table".

Lindsay Lohan MH Crumble Cake #'d Tobacco cards 462 (left) & 463 (right).

Rhubarb & Apple Crumble

All crumble recipes are forks of apple crumble and the same instructions can be used with just about any combinations of fruit.  Crumbles can be assemble to emphasize tartness, sweetness or a blend of the two.  Among the favorites to mix and match are rhubarb, apple, pineapple, apricot, peach, boysenberry, & strawberry.  The extent of the sweetness can further be enhanced by adding more sugar (brown sugar is recommended) although many prefer to use honey.

Core Ingredients

450g rhubarb, cut into 1 inch (25 mm) slices.
350g apples (Granny Smith recommended), peeled and cut into 1 inch (25 mm) chunks.
1 vanilla pod, split open (or 1 teaspoon of vanilla paste or extract).
120g golden caster sugar.
Ice cream, custard or thickened cream (as preferred) to serve.

Topping Ingredients

200g plain flour.
1 tsp ground ginger (optional).
100g cold salted butter, chopped.
70g light soft brown sugar

Instructions

(1) Pre-heat oven to 200^oC / 390^oF (180^oC / 360^oF if fan forced).

(2) Place rhubarb, apples, vanilla and sugar together in an ovenproof dish and toss to ensure vanilla & sugar coating is consistent.

Roast for 10 minutes.

(4) Place flour in a large bowl, mixing in ginger if it’s being used.  Using fingertips, rub in butter to create a chunky breadcrumb-like textured mixture.

(5) When texture is achieved, stir through the sugar (creating the crumble).

(6) Sprinkle crumble topping onto the fruit and cook for a further 30-35 minutes or until the topping is a light, golden brown.

(7) Serve with ice cream, custard or thickened cream as preferred.

Kettle

Kettle (pronounced ket-l)

(1) A container (historically and still usually made of metal) used to boil liquids or cook foods; a specialized kind of pot with a handle & spout and thus optimized for pouring (in some markets known variously as teakettles, jugs, electric jugs etc).

(2) By extension, a large metal vessel designed to withstand high temperatures, used in various industrial processes such as refining, distilling & brewing (also sometimes referred to as boilers, steamers, vats, vessels or cauldrons).

(3) In geology, as kettle hole, a steep, bowl-shaped hollow in ground once covered by a glacier.  Kettles are believed to form when a block of ice left by a glacier becomes covered by sediments and later melts, leaving a hollow.  They are usually dozens of meters deep and can be dozens of kilometers in diameter, often containing surface water.

(4) In percussion, as kettledrum (or kettle-drum), a large hemispherical brass percussion instrument (one of the timpani) with a drumhead that can be tuned by adjusting its tension.  There was also the now obsolete use of kettledrum to mean “an informal social party at which a light collation is offered, held in the afternoon or early evening”.

(5) In crowd control, a system of UK origin using an enclosed area into which demonstrators or protesters are herded for containment by authorities (usually taking advantage of aspects of the natural or built environment).

(6) To surround and contain demonstrators or protesters in a kettle.

(7) In weightlifting, as kettlebell, a weight consisting of a cast iron ball with a single handle for gripping the weight during exercise.

(8) In ornithology, a group of raptors riding a thermal, especially when migrating.

(9) In the slang of railroads, a steam locomotive

Pre 900: From the Middle English ketel & chetel, from the Old English cetel & ċietel (kettle, cauldron), and possibly influenced by the Old Norse ketill, both from the Proto-Germanic katilaz (kettle, bucket, vessel), of uncertain origin although etymologists find most persuasive the notion of it being a borrowing of the Late Latin catīllus (a small pot), a diminutive of the Classical Latin catinus (a large pot, a vessel for cooking up or serving food”), from the Proto-Italic katino but acknowledge the word may be a Germanic form which became confused with the Latin dring the early Medieval period..  It should thus be compared with the Old English cete (cooking pot), the Old High German chezzi (a kettle, dish, bowl) and the Icelandic kati & ketla (a small boat).  It was cognate with the West Frisian tsjettel (kettle), the Dutch ketel (kettle), the German Kessel (kettle), the Swedish kittel (cauldron) & kittel (kettle), the Gothic katils (kettle) and the Finnish kattila.  There may also be some link with the Russian котёл (kotjól) (boiler, cauldron).  Probably few activities are a common to human cultures as the boiling of water and as the British Empire spread, the word kettle travelled with the colonial administrators, picked up variously by the Brunei Malay (kitil), the Hindi केतली (ketlī), the Gujarati કીટલી (kīṭlī), the Irish citeal, the Maltese kitla and the Zulu igedlela.  Beyond the Empire, the Turks adopted it unaltered (although it appeared also as ketil).  Kettle is a noun & verb, kettled is a verb & adjective and kettling is a verb; the noun plural is plural kettles.

The boiling of water for all sorts of purposes is an activity common to all human societies for thousands of years so the number of sound-formations which referred to pots and urns used for this purpose would have proliferated, thus the uncertainty about some of the development.  The Latin catinus has been linked by some with Ancient Greek forms such as kotylē (bowl, dish) but this remains uncertain and words for many types of vessels were often loanwords.  The fourteenth century adoption in Middle English of an initial “k” is thought perhaps to indicate the influence of the Old Norse cognate ketill and the familiar modern form “tea-kettle” was used as early as 1705.  In percussion, the kettledrum was described as in the 1540s (based wholly on the shape) and in geology the kettlehole (often clipped to “kettle) was first used in 1866 to refer to “a deep circular hollow in a river bed or other eroded area, pothole>, hence “kettle moraine” dating from 1883 and used to describe one characterized by such features.

Lindsay Lohan cooking pasta in London, October 2014.  One hint this is London rather than Los Angeles is the electric kettle to her left, a standard item in a UK kitchen but less common in the US.

In most of the English-speaking world, kettle refers usually to a vessel or appliance used to boil water, the exception being the US where the device never caught on to the same extent and in Australia and New Zealand, it’s common to refer to the electric versions as “jugs”.  Americans do use kettles, but they’re not as widely used as they are in Australia, New Zealand & the UK where their presence in a kitchen is virtually de rigueur.  One reason is said to be that in the US coffee makers & instant hot water dispensers were historically more common, as was the use of tea bags rather than loose-leaves to make tea.  Those Americans who have a kettle actually usually call it a “kettle” although (and there seems to be little specific regionalism associated with this) it may also be called a “hot pot”, “tea kettle” or “water boiler”.

In idiomatic use, the phrase “a watched kettle never boils” has the same meaning as when used with “watched pot” and is a commentary on (1) one’s time management and (2) one’s perception of time under certain circumstances.  The phrase “pot calling the kettle black” is understood only if it’s realized both receptacles used to be heated over open flames and their metal thus became discolored and ultimately blackened by the soot & smoke.  It’s used to convey an accusation of hypocrisy, implying that an accuser is of the same behavior or trait they are criticizing in others.  The now common sense of “a different kettle of fish” is that of something different that to which it erroneously being compared but the original “kettle of fish” dated from circa 1715 and referred to “a complicated and bungled affair” and etymologists note it’s not actually based on fish being cooked in a kettle (although there was a culinary implement called a “fish kettle” for exactly that purpose but there’s no evidence it was used prior to 1790) but is thought to refer to “kettle” as a variant of kittle & kiddle (weir or fence with nets set in rivers or along seacoasts for catching fish), a use dating from the late twelfth century (it appears in the Magna Charta (1215) as the Anglo-Latin kidellus), from the Old French quidel, probably from the Breton kidel (a net at the mouth of a stream).

1974 Suzuki GT750 “Kettle”.  The front twin disc setup was added in 1973 and was one of the first of its kind.

The Suzuki GT750 was produced between 1971-1977 and was an interesting example of the breed of large-capacity two-stroke motorcycles which provided much excitement and not a few fatalities but which fell victim to increasingly stringent emissions standards and the remarkable improvement in the performance, reliability and refinement of the multi-cylinder four-stroke machines.  The GT750 shared with the other three-cylinder Suzukis (GT380 & GT550) the novelty of an unusual 4-into-3 exhaust system (the center exhaust header was bifurcated), the early versions of which featured the additional complexity of what the factory called the Exhaust Coupler Tube System (ECTS; a connecting pipe joining the left & right-side headers) which was designed to improve low-speed torque.  An even more obvious novelty however was that the GT750 was water-cooled, something rarely seen at the time although that meant it missed out on another of Suzuki’s imaginative acronyms, the RAC (ram air cooling) used on the smaller models.  RAC was a simple aluminum scoop which sat atop the cylinder head and was designed to optimize air-flow.  It was the water-cooling of the GT750 which attracted nicknames but, a generation before the internet, the English language tended still to evolve with regional variations so in England it was “the Kettle”, in Australia “the Water Bottle” and in North America “the Water Buffalo”.  Foreign markets also went their own way, the French favoring “la bouillotte” (the hot water bottle) and the West Germans “Wasserbüffel” (water buffalo).

Kettling is now familiar as a method of large-scale crowd control in which the authorities assemble large cordons of police officers which move to contain protesters within a small, contained space, one often chosen because it makes use of the natural or built environment.  Once contained, demonstrators can selectively be detained, released or arrested.  It’s effective but has been controversial because innocent bystanders can be caught in its net and there have been injuries and even deaths.  Despite that, although courts have in some jurisdictions imposed some restrictions on the practice, as a general principle it remains lawful to use in the West.  The idea is essentially the same as the military concept of “pocketing”, the object of which was, rather than to engage the enemy, instead to confine them to a define area in which the only route of escape was under the control of the opposing force.  The Imperial Russian Army actually called this the котёл (kotyol or kotyel) which translated as cauldron or kettle, the idea being that (like a kettle), it was “hot” space with only a narrow aperture (like a spout) through which the pressure could be relieved.

David Low’s (1891-1963) cartoon (Daily Express, 31 July 1936) commenting on one of the many uncertain aspects of British foreign policy in the 1930s; Left to right: Thomas Inskip (1876–1947), John Simon (1873–1954), Philip Cunliffe-Lister (1884–1972), Duff Cooper (1890–1954), Samuel Hoare (1880–1959), Neville Chamberlain (1869–1940; UK prime-minister 1937-1940), Stanley Baldwin (1867–1947; UK prime-minister 1923-1924, 1924-1929 & 1935-1937) & Anthony Eden (1897-1977; UK prime-minister 1955-1957).

Low attached “trademarks” to some of those he drew.  Baldwin was often depicted with a sticking plaster over his lips, an allusion to one of his more infamous statements to the House of Commons in which he said “…my lips are sealed”.  Sir John Simon on this occasion had a kettle boiling on his head, a fair indication of his state of mind at the time.

Low’s techniques have on occasion been borrowed and some cartoonist might one day be tempted to put a boiling kettle on the often hot-looking head of Barnaby Joyce (b 1967; thrice (between local difficulties) deputy prime minister of Australia 2016-2022).

Mistress

Mistress (pronounced mis-tris)

(1) A woman who has authority, control, or power, especially the female head of a household, institution, or other establishment; a woman employing, or in authority over, servants or attendants.

(2) A female owner of an animal or formerly, a slave.

(3) A woman who has the power of controlling or disposing of something at her own pleasure; the companion term to master (sometimes initial capital letter).

(4) A woman who has a continuing, extramarital sexual relationship with one man, especially a man who, in return for a continuing (and hopefully exclusive) liaison, provides her with financial support.

(5) A senior female schoolteacher; a schoolmistress, a unique New Zealand form of which was Senior Assistant Mistress (SAM), the highest teaching position (ranking below assistant principle (or headmaster)) available to women until the mid-1970s.

(6) A term of address in former use and corresponding to Mrs, Miss, or Ms (should be with initial capital letter but often misused).

(7) A dialectical word for sweetheart (archaic).

(8) The term for a woman who specializes in the niche BDSM (a abbrevation traditionally of "bondage, discipline & sadism masochism" (in modern use dominance & submission sometimes also added or substituted) market, female equivalent of a master in the same context; a dominatrix.

(9) A married woman; a wife (archaic Scots dialectal form).

(10) A title (either official or courtesy) granted to certain positions in royal households or religious orders (eg Mistress of the Robes, Mistress of the Cloisters et al).

(11) In the games of bowls, the jack (obsolete).  

1275–1325: From the Middle English maistresse from the Old & Middle French maistresse (maîtresse in modern French), feminine of  maistre (master), from the Latin magister (chief, head, director, teacher) the construct being maistre (master) + -esse or –ess (the suffix which denotes a female form of otherwise male nouns denoting beings or persons).  In yet another example of the patriarchal domination of language, when a woman is said to have acquired complete knowledge of or skill in something, she’s said to have “mastered” the topic.  Mistress is a noun and verb, mistressship (or mistress-ship), mistresspiece,  mistresshood & mistressdom are nouns, mistressing is a verb and mistressly is an adjective; the noun plural is mistresses.  The noun plural mistresses has been used by many and the pragmatic advice is mistresses should be enjoyed sequentially rather than concurrently.  That said, plenty who have had the odd mistress might reflect things would have been better had they followed the advice of the English poet Arthur Hugh Clough (1819–1861), published in The Latest Decalogue (1862):  Do not adultery commit; Advantage rarely comes of it.

In English, the original meaning (circa 1300) was "a female teacher, governess; supervisor of novices in a convent", reflecting the senses in the Old French maistresse although in the Old French it could be used to mean also "lover" & "housekeeper" (though there would have been some overlap in those roles).  The notion of a mistress being a "a woman who employs others or has authority over a household and servants" developed in the early fifteenth century, the use to describe "a woman who has mastered an art or branch of study" emerging some decades later.  The familiar modern sense of "a kept woman maintained by a married man" dates from the early fifteenth century and, perhaps surprisingly, by the mid-1600s it was used as a polite form of address to a woman, a extension presumably of a sense other than adulterous women.  The meaning "woman who is beloved and courted, one who has command over a lover's heart" is from the turn of the fifteen century.

Thought crime

Associated Press (AP) tweeted in early May 2020 it would no longer use the term “mistress” to describe adulterous women, noting it thought the word “archaic and sexist”, preferring the alternatives “companion” or “lover”, adding the AP Stylebook had been updated to include this proscription among some two-hundred changes.  The AP Stylebook has for generations been a standard reference for many news organizations, often referred to by working journalists as the “style bible” and widely used in journalism courses.

Barnaby reflects: Vikki Campion (b 1985) & Barnaby Joyce (b 1967; thrice deputy prime-minister of Australia 2016-2022).

Linguistically, AP’s attempt to avoid hurting the feelings of adulterers isn’t a great deal of help, banning as it does a word with a precise meaning, well-understood for centuries, replacing it with terms ambiguous or misleading; there’s no other single word (or term of convenient brevity) which conveys the same meaning of “mistress” in the sense which so disturbs AP.  The revisions make much of the need to adopt “gender-neutral language”, another “inclusive” transformation being the pursuit of criminals at large will no longer be “manhunts” but rather “searches”, a further example of dilution of meaning, an unfortunate trend for a news organization to pursue.  AP are correct that “mistress” is both “loaded” and “gendered” given there’s no similarly opprobrious term for adulterous men but the word is not archaic; archaic words are those now rare to the point of being no longer in general use and “mistress” has hardly suffered that fate.  AP’s agenda appears to be the creation of doctrinaire neutrality and are constructing their own newspeak to save its readers from their own thought crime.

Ashley Horn before (left) & after (centre) and Lindsay Lohan (right).

Ashley Horn (b 1995) is Lindsay Lohan's half sister, her father being Michael Lohan (b 1969), her mother, Kristi Kaufmann Horn (b 1963), a Montana massage therapist who briefly was Michael Lohan's mistress.  In 2013 it was reported by In Touch Magazine (a famously reliable source) that Ms Horn had paid some US$25,000 on five rounds of cosmetic surgery with the intention of more closely resembling her older half-sister.  As detailed by Ms Horn, she had "...rhinoplasty, a bit of refinement underneath my cheeks and jawline, some fat injected into my chin and some fat injected into my upper cheeks", the specific instruction being to emulate Lindsay Lohan's look in her late teen-age years, Ms Horn's age at the time.

Dob & Snitch

Snitch (pronounced snich)

(1) To snatch or steal; pilfer.

(2) To turn informer; tattle.

(3) Among the criminal classes, a slang term for the nose.

(4) A tiny morsel of food (rare).

(5) A ball used in the fictional sport of Quidditch.

1785: The sense of “an informer" was probably from underworld slang meaning "the nose", a use dating from circa 1700, apparently a development of the earlier (1670s) meaning "fillip on the nose"; snitcher in same sense is from 1827.  The alternative etymology suggests a dialectal variant of sneak, perhaps even an imperfect echoic.  Sneak was from the Middle English sniken, from the Old English snīcan (to creep; to crawl).  The meaning "to steal, to pilfer" is attested from 1904 and is possibly a variant of snatch.

The nouns snitcher and snitch are synonymous with informer, other synonyms being blabbermouth, double-crosser, turncoat, sneak, squealer, source, fink, stoolie, betrayer, tattler, snitcher, tattletale, informant, rat, weasel, narc, whistle-blower, tipster, canary & nark although some are more weighted than others in the ways they’re used by the criminal classes.

Dob (pronounced dob)

(1) As the acronym DOB (DoB; D.O.B. etc), date of birth.

(2) In Australian slang, usually as “dob in”, to snitch or inform on someone.

(3) An acronym for many things: Date of Business; Department of Banking; Difficulty of Breathing; Data Object et al.

(4) In Northern Irish slang, to play truant from school.

(5) As dob (do one’s best), the accessory term to dib (from dyb (do your best)) in some of the rituals of the Boy Scout movement.

1950s: The etymology of dob as Australian slang for “to inform upon”; “to report someone’s transgression to the authorities”, is mysterious.  Unlike many forms, it seems to have emerged late, the fist known instance in print being from 1955.  It’s curious because the British dialect dob (to put down an article heavily or clumsily; to throw down; to throw stones at a mark) would doubtless have been known in Australia from the earliest days of white settlement (1788-on) but there’s no obvious connection.  Dictionaries of Australian slang do report other meanings including “to contribute money to a common cause”, and “impose upon someone a responsibility to perform and unwanted or unpopular task”, the former with some relation to the British forms, the latter something of a variation on “dobbing in” in its usual sense.  Also noted is the use in Australian Rules (VFL, ALF etc) football to mean “to kick (the ball) long and accurately; to kick (a goal)”, again with some relation to the British dialectical form relating to the throwing stones or certain actions in the game of marbles.

Lindsay Lohan, DoB: 2 July 1986.

The etymology of dob in Australia is regarded as unknown.  That dob (meaning a snitch) appears not to have been in use until the 1950s suggests many of the influences on the language which can account for some evolutions or innovations (US English, exposure to foreign languages during wartime) weren’t involved.  Nor was that other profound effect: television, which wasn’t introduced until 1956.  The 1950s was a time of high immigration to Australia, and for the first time by a large number of those for who English wasn’t their first language but no evidence of a connection has ever been offered.  That leaves the British dialectal dob as the likely origin and during the second half of the nineteenth century, the influence of these words on the local dialect was at its greatest so all that is needed to explain it is the etymological missing link.  The was also a historic use for dob as a companion word to dib (the phonetic form of the acronym DYB (do your best)), dob in this context standing for “do one’s best”, the abbreviated dib and dob used in certain chants in the rituals of the Boy Scout movement.  Once seen as an admirable institution to inculcate the values essentials in the development of youth, decades of scandal and critical analysis mean it’s now thought something between quaint and seriously weird.

Dobbed in, Tony Abbott (b 1957; Prime-Minister of Australia 2013-2015), Manly Beach, Sydney, September 2021.

Mr Abbott was fined Aus$500 after a member of the public informed the police, providing photographic evidence as proof of him out and about in public without a mask, in violation of the rules.  Denying guilt, Mr Abbott claimed he was "well within the law, reasonably interpreted”, although he wasn't going to challenge the fine, not wishing to "waste police time".  He further added he thought the current regime "rather oppressive”.  While not greatly inconvenienced by the Aus$500 fine, Mr Abbott was concerned at the corrosive effect of the laws, saying that he "...never thought dobbing and snitching was part of the Australian character", and that he thought "...as soon as we can leave this health-police state mindset behind us, the better for everyone.”  Even before falling victim to snitchers and dobbers, Mr Abbott had delivered a speech in which he said there were "...aspects of contemporary Australia, which I personally find a little bit unsettling", noting especially "...the readiness of people to dob and snitch on their neighbours worries me a lot, frankly.”  He thought this something like the behavior of those in the former GDR (German Democratic Republic, the old East Germany) who dobbed in fellow citizens to the Stasi, the secret police.

As a victim of the fascist-pig state, Mr Abbott resorted to the dissident's trick of tautology to emphasise his point, "snitch" and "dob" in this context meaning the same thing.  There may be some nuances in that "snitch" probably more overtly reeks of criminality but technically, certainly regarding those reported for flouting public-health regulations, the words are synonymous.  It's not known how many informers the NSW Minister of Heath recruited to his mask-Stasi to dob and snitch on the unmasked but if Mr Abbott is right and it’s something like the Stasi, on the basis of estimates of those used in the GDR, in a state with the population of New South Wales, the number could have been anything between 250,000 and a million.

Dissidents conspire.

Fellow dissident, former deputy prime- minister Barnaby Joyce (b 1967, thrice deputy PM (between various unpleasantnesses) 2016-2022)) was in June fined Aus$200 after he was dobbed-in when masklessly buying fossil-fuel at an Armidale petrol station.  Unlike Mr Abbott, Mr Joyce admitted he was guilty as sin and copped it sweet.